Tsunade's Heir
by funkmasterjo
Summary: Tsunade adopts Naruto. What will life be like living with two medic nins and a mother who's playful fingerflicks could bash through trees? Now how about adding an infamous pervert and a philosophic demon to the mix?
1. Chapter 1

If you're a first-time reader and you'er going to do that thing where you review only one chapter, please save that review for the last chapter. You can give your impression of the story in general.

_I know that Tsunade's last name is Senju and not Houou._ But I chose Houou before Senju came out, way back at the inception of this story, and it means pheonix. And it's just so symbolic to me for what the family represents, and the name is dear to my heart. We can retcon it thus: when the Senju family experienced a terrible string of tragidies that left them much diminished, they rose up again, and in symbolism took the Houou name for themselves rather than to continue with the name they had been given by others. (They origionally earned Senju through having clan members learn all areas).

I did finally give up and change Minato's name from Kazama Arashi, though.

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

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Chapter 1

A Story

_I'll tell you a story. The story of one Houou Naruto. For this story, you must take your mind back, back to a time of disaster unimaginable. A time when Kyuubi no Kitsune himself arose for unknown reasons and made as if to wipe Konoha off the face of the world as if it were a task no greater than wiping a stain from the kitchen window. However, Kyuubi was both overconfident and presumptuous. And, knowing that any living thing with these two faults could be defeated; Namikaze Minato, Fourth Hokage of Konoha and holder of the fearded title of "Konoha's Yellow Flash", sealed the fox away in a more than ludicrous move._

Jiraya, one of the great Sannins, looked upon his only student: a man whom he could almost proudly call a son. "Minato… you've done it?" the old hermit asked, dreading either a positive or negative response for separate reasons.

"Yes, ero-sensei" the mighty Hokage couldn't help but grin, referring to his teacher by his favourite nickname one-last-time. "It's done."

Jiraya's eyes pooled with sadness as he caught a glimpse of the shadowy figure hovering patiently behind his pupil: its wretched face drawn back into an inhuman grin.

For Namikaze Minato's shadow was the shadow of death. The Shinigami. The God of Death.

"Minato…" Jiraya started. There was so much to say, but the words froze in his throat, his pupil had made him proud beyond words every day. Did the cruelty of fate truly know no bounds?

Minato reached for the bundle of cloth cradled in Jiraya's arms. "Is that him? My... son." Minato addressed the bundled child even as he felt the life draining away from him. How he had dreaded this moment. "I… I never wanted this for you. When you're born an orphan, the last thing you ever want is for your children to live that life. The pain of being alone and watching families—alive and whole—be happy, or angry, or sad **together **while you must suffer with no one to catch you when you fall... Above all I never, ever wanted this for you, please, **please**… believe me. And… forgive me… my one and only son, I'm so sorry."

"Let's begin," Jiraya suggested, eyes closed, for he couldn't bear to see the world right now. He would only see pain and a strong, proud man weeping for a bright future that he had worked all his life for: about to be crushed by his own two hands—the personification of death hovering behind, more substantial than ever. He felt the rain, as if the sky were crying as well on this darkest of dark nights.

Minato, the indomitable Fourth Hokage who never backed down, gave up, or lost, croaked out a "Hai" as if it had to be forcefully ripped from the depths of his soul. Life above happiness, justice above life, duty above justice. But coming from a cold and empty childhood, when Minato found he would be a father he had put family… family above all.

But he loved his village like family: the people who had been there to see him grow up. He was a child of Konoha, if not of anyone else that he knew. And it was for their lives, along with the life of son—which would all be forfeit if the demon was not sealed into a proper container—that he was about to seal the worst of the demons inside his not-a-day-old child and condemn him to a future of unknown dangers. Through the painful Irony, Namikaze Minato had never felt so ashamed.

x-Konoha General Hospital-x

The battle, if it could be called such, with Kyuubi no Kitsune had incurred many, many losses. An old, weary man pondered this as he walked down the somehow pristine corridors of Konoha's General Hospital. Responding to respectful, if subdued, bows and addresses of "Sarutobi-sama" with an empathetic look and kind smile… Sarutobi could not help but feel a deep sorrow. Many, many losses. And not all of them physical. Spirit was at an all time low. The crippling terror of the demon fox still lurked in the once bright eyes of men and women alike. Sarutobi sighed, but paused mid-stride as something caught his eye beyond the glass screen on his left. Tsunade?

"Hello Tsunade" the old man greeted, as he entered the dimly lit, empty room. Tsunade Houou was seen sitting on a chair, holding a bundle of cloth in her arms. She looked quite comfortable, and Sarutobi could only guess just how long she had been sitting there.

"Hello, Sarutobi-sensei. You're wearing that ugly hat again." The patron medic-nin observed.

"Ah yes, well since Minato's passing… it looks like I'll have to be Hokage again, for now." Sarutobi grimaced. He would gladly take up the responsibility for his village, but Minato had been the bright future of the next generation. Once again, he felt a deep sorrow for Konoha.

Tsunade only grunted in response, seemingly remembering to be intensely annoyed with something.

"Something the matter, Tsunade?"

"Damn right something's the matter!" The blond hissed, "I found one of your medic-nins trying to kill this infant with a scalpel. And… keep your voice down. I've only just gotten him to sleep…"

Sarutobi didn't miss how Tsunade sounded royally pissed and vaguely disgusted at the first part, and suddenly embarrassed at that last part. But there was an assassination attempt already? By… a medic no less.

Tsunade opted to carefully move the cloth from the sleeping bundle in her arms and show Sarutobi the damage. Six black lines stretched across the infant's cheeks in a clear rendition of whiskers. Sarutobi flinched at the sight, but Tsunade pressed on. "She used a solution on the scalpel to stop the blood from clotting; and another to stain the skin. Even when I heal it, it looks like a damn whisker tattoo - except I can't remove it like one. I'd be impressed if I weren't so goddamn disgusted!"

The re-instated Hokage, veteran of a hundred gruesome battles, felt suddenly ill. "Oh Minato..." Sarutobi darkly lamented under his breath, "perhaps you are better off dead. It would have only killed you a thousand times to see your village act like this."

"To do this to a child… Such a perversion of medical knowledge is disgusting." Tsunade looked at Sarutobi pointedly.

Dully noting the dangerous look from his former-pupil, Sarutobi reached into his bag of tricks and pulled out a technique he'd learned from an old friend of his who had become a successful lawyer. That is to say, he figuratively covered his ass with both hands and bent the truth until it looked like a pretzel. "Of course I'll investigate into it right away, Tsunade. I'm sure it's just an isolated incident; I can't imagine a citizen of Konoha doing such a spiteful thing. Though," Sarutobi became gravely serious for a moment, "of course the culprit will be harshly dealt with." There were no good excuses for attempting to assassinate one of Konoha's own children in Sarutobi's books.

That seemed to appease Tsunade, well enough. She returned to staring intently at the sleeping babe. "He involved in some sort of family feud?"

Sarutobi sighed. Truthfully, he didn't really know if this would just be an isolated incident at all. But he could hope. "No. He's an orphan, I'm afraid"

"An… orphan…" Tsunade seemed to hold the child closer while trying to look like she wasn't doing anything of the sort. A fact that wasn't lost on Sarutobi.

"Tsunade, are you…"

"What's his name?" Tsunade interrupted

Not missing a beat, Sarutobi replied. "Ah, there's a problem with his last name... but the first name is confirmed: Naruto."

"Naruto" Tsunade mused, testing the name on her tongue, "the ramen topping?"

Sarutobi sweat-dropped. "More like 'Maelstrom' than the ramen topping…"

"Houou Naruto… I like it," she rocked the child slightly, "do you like it, Naru-chan?" In response, the infant yawned which — let's face it — was the closest Tsunade was going to get to any kind of confirmation. "Houou Naruto it is, then. I'll send Shizune to deal with the papers later."

Mother and child. Seeing his former pupil smiling brightly down at her just adopted son, Sarutobi was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming sense of hope for the future. It was odd how, even in the aftermath of the bleakest days, he had found such a glowing sight. He didn't know what strange twist of fate had let these two to each other but he was grateful. "No," Sarutobi shook his head, "that's not necessary. I'll handle it all. He's not just a normal child after all; I'll have to deal with the council" the old man sighed. "You see… he's the container."

"The container…" Tsunade echoed. Then as realization struck, she pulled the cloth around Naruto's stomach away, revealing Minato's seal. Tsunade frowned softly at it and did something a little unexpected: _She didn't care at all._ "My poor Naru-chan…" she caressed his hair consolingly. "Not even in Konoha for a day and you're already in danger. I'm getting you out of here." She'd lost her husband and brother in Konoha. She'd be damned if she'd lose her newly adopted son here to some vengeful villager with a sharp object.

Sarutobi flinched, acutely aware of Tsunade's current views on Konoha in respect to her loved ones. It was then that the old man came to a sudden realization. "Tsunade, did you say you healed the child's wounds?"

"I did heal him, but I didn't say anything about it." Tsunade informed.

"But your hemophobia…" Sarutobi trailed off, referring to Tsunade's incapacitating fear of blood. Could it be?

Tsunade stiffened reflexively at the mention of her 'condition'. "Well, I couldn't just let him bleed to death" It was true. Something about the kid made her want to viciously guard him from danger.

Sarutobi looked quite surprised. Then she was cured? She was cured! "I hear that the operation rooms are swamped..." he hinted hopefully. Being the Hokage was more than a job, it was a lifestyle.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes at her old sensei.

"For old time's sake?" Sarutobi hazarded

"I've been working all morning 'for old time's sake'. I'm getting Naru-chan out of here. Now."

Sarutobi didn't give up. "But this is still the place that Naruto's father built his legacy," he reminded the headstrong woman, "He may want to visit here some day. And Konoha would forever be in your debt."

Tsunade paused halfway out the door. That was true. If Naru-chan ever wanted something from Konoha, it might be good to have some swing here. She looked at the precious bundle in her arms, sighed, kissed him on the forehead, and gently handed him over to Sarutobi. "If he gets hurt at all, Sarutobi-sensei, I'll kick you where the sun doesn't shine." She promised. Now what was scary was that, with Tsunade's legendary strength, she had been known to punt boulders over the Hokage monument.

Watching his former student stride down the hallways, Sarutobi felt the blood drain from his face. "W-Well, Naruto-kun. Why don't we just… stay… right here in this nice empty room until your mother returns?"

The baby, of course, only fidgeted in response.

x-Konoha: Outskirts-x

Shizune made a thoughtful sound as she looked over at the young Naruto in Tsunade's arms once again. Actually, she was glad for the change. Not that she didn't completely respect Tsunade, but no matter how you slice it, traveling with only your gamble-maniac mentor for company could get so tedious. "His name means 'malestrom' right, Tsunade-sama?"

"No," Tsunade disagreed, "more like the ramen topping."

"R-Ramen?"

"It's cuter" Tsunade explained

"I-I… see?" Shizune said, though really she didn't understand at all. "By the way, Tsunade-sama, if you're going to be Naruto-kun's mother then, um..."

"Not 'going to'," Tsunade interrupted testily, "I've already adopted him. He's my Naru-chan, have you been listening at all?"

"Right, right," Shizune placated her mentor, whose rage itself was legendary, "But... um…"

"Oh, spit it out already!" Tsunade sighed

"Can I be his sister?" Shizune blurted, surprising the sannin.

"...Fine," Tsunade said after a time, "but I'm going to hold you responsible if you turn him into a spoiled brat."

Shizune grinned widely. Oh, she'd always wanted a little brother! "Can I hold him?" she asked excitedly.

"Don't push your luck!"

* * *

_Omake _

x-A few days later-x

"Shizune, did you bring it?" Tsunade asked, not diverting her intent gaze from the sleeping bundle that was Naruto.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama," Shizune replied dutifully, "though, Naruto-kun isn't even awake to drink it and it's just going to cool down. Again…"

"You fool," Tsunade berated, "he's asleep NOW. But when he wakes up, he'll be hungry." The blond tested the milk's temperature by shaking some onto her wrist. "Shizune, get me a thermometer. I'm not sure this milk is properly lukewarm. And close that door! You're lowering the room temperature."

x-Weeks after that-x

"Thousands of ninjutsu in this god-damn world," Tsunade groused, "and not even ONE diaper-change no jutsu. Alright Naru-chan, all clean now."

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune appeared out of no-where, "You can't use language like that in front of an impressionable infant! They learn how to speak by imitation!"

Tsunade waved off the complaint. "What are you talking about? He's a man, isn't he? He can swear at whoever he wants. Isn't that right, Naru-chan?" Tsunade cooed, "You're going to grow up and swear at all the assholes that deserve it, aren't you? Yes you are! Yes you are!" She finished, rubbing the infant's stomach affectionately, who giggled in response.

Shizune was quite horrified. "Tsunade-sama! No, I won't allow it, you're corrupting him!" Shizune declared as she stole her young and impressionable little brother from her mentor. "You're intentionally swearing more than you do normally!"

"Of course I am!" Tsunade shot back, "My Naru-chan won't take crap from anyone. He's going to grow up and tell off all kinds of people: perverts, lawyers, political powers, old man Sarutobi…" she trailed off.

"No way! He's my precious ototou and I won't let you set such a bad example!"

"I'm his mother, and I'll teach him to swear like a f-ng sailor if I want to!"

"Nooo!" Shizune cried, covering Naruto's ears, "ototou, don't listen!"

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_End._

It has begun. Awesome.

I uploaded chapters one and two at the same time, though. So just go over to the next one already.

A reviewer pointed out that sannin is a counter used for groups of people. The specific ending (nin) signifies it. The '-nin' part is most likely short for 'ningen' which means human. So for instance Jiraya could be called "one of the three"

Additionally: Jiraya can also be called a Sennin, rather than a Sannin. Sannin is a rank... no perhaps a title, but Sennin means either hermit, immortal, sage, or adept.. Jiraya can go by the name Gama Sennin (Frog Hermit)

Shinigami means death god, or something along those lines.

"Naruto" actually means "Malestrom"(pretty much a whirlpool). It's also the name of a fish-cake slice(I think) with a swirl on it used as a ramen topping, presumably because of the swirl which is vaguely like a whirlpool. It's also been used as a nickname for the sign 'at' won't let me type it but it's that 'a' with a swirl that you can see in e-mail adresses), again because of the vaguely swirly nature.

Hemophobia is an actual condition. It's a fear of blood, like aracnaphobia is a fear of spiders. Tsunade had a traumatic past, which ties in to both the fear of blood and the 'fear' of Konoha causing more misery for her. It is irrational, but sadly fear cannot always be banished by logic.

"Ototou" means "younger brother"

Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

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Chapter 2

Life with the Houou's

_And so it was that young Naruto came to be taken away from the village of Konoha and its villagers' festering resentment, not even being a day old. He grew up in a loving, if volatile, home. When it came down to it, what more did one really need? Many things happened, of course. Tsunade and Shizune were both medic-nins. Obviously, they looked up various books on child psychology. Naruto ended up having a fairly advanced vocabulary for his age, just from listening to his family talk, which included a fair knowledge of swear-words picked up from his mother, much to Sizune's horror. Growing up with family, ones parents naturally pass on what skills they have to their children. A father will gladly teach his children how to throw a ball or play a sport. A mother will teach her children, whether they like it or not, social etiquette and how to deal with people… and so on. Now when you're growing up with a mother and sister that that have constructed more than half modern medic-nin theory, well… you pick up some things, like how to take a noogie from you're freakishly strong mother. Of course it wasn't until shortly after little Naruto's second birthday that he actually learned what a medic-nin was and consequentially started to actively follow in his mother's footsteps._

"What's that?" asked a confused Houou Naruto, now two years old and still struggling with new or bigger words, "can I eat it?"

"No," Tsunade explained sweetly, "you can't eat it, Naru-chan. It's like a job, No!" she suddenly exclaimed dramatically, "it's much more important, you save people, and they all look up to you!"

"You mean, like a super hero?" Naruto asked in awe.

"Yes, exactly!" Tsunade cheered, "Like a super hero! Superhero's are cool right?"

"Tsunade-sama!" came Shizune's voice as she barrelled into the room, years saving her otoutou from corruption having practically giving her a sixth sense, "stop trying to manipulate Naruto-kun like that!"

"You're talking non-sense Shizune, why don't you take the day off? You can have paid leave" Tsunade offered.

"You don't even pay me; I volunteered to be your assistant!" Shizune protested hotly, "and you can't bribe me, I'm not going to let you manipulate my otoutou!"

"Grr…" While Shizue was her assistant and differed to Tsunade on pretty much anything, when it came to her 'otoutou' she could be so… "it's not manipulation, it's… a sales pitch"

"It's clearly manipulation!"

_And of course, his first memorable meeting with Katsuya later that year._

"Kaa-chan, what's the surprise already? Can I eat it?" Naruto inquired

"For the last time, brat…" Tsunade dragged out, "no, you can't eat it. You glutton, stop caring about food so much"

"Fine! After you stop drinking sake so much!" Naruto shot back.

Of course, taking lip from her adopted son was pissing Tsunade off but she only grinned. Why? Hehe…

"Okay, Naru-chan I'll show you the surprise now! Ready?" Tsunade asked

"Yeah!"

Tsunade flipped though the hand seals quickly. Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Sheep… bite the thumb, a bit of blood on the palm, slam it into the ground, and…

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

…Tsunade was treated to the sight of Naruto screaming like a little girl before hiding behind her legs and pointing fearfully. "It's a giant slug! It's going to eat us!"

Katsuyu, meanwhile, was decidedly put out. "Oh my, I won't eat you Naruto-san. Don't worry"

Sadly, Katsuyu's efforts had quite the opposite effect. Naruto screamed shrilly, "It knows my name! It's a mind reading, giant slug! Kaa-chan, run for it!"

"Tsunade-sama…" Shizune muttered, "maybe we should have told him about Katsuya-san before…"

"Um," Tsunade cleared her throat, "y-yes, N-Naru-chan, don't w-worr…" she managed to get out before doubling over in laughter. Naruto was afraid of… Katsuya! Katsuya the vegetarian! He screamed like a girl!

"Naruto-san, I'm your mother's summon," Katsuyu explained, trying to coax the child from behind his adopted sister's legs, now that his old cover spot had been compromised due to it… laughing uproariously. "You don't have to worry; she's told me all about you."

"O-Oh, of course. I knew that." Naruto claimed as he shakily came to stand before the giant slug, "I just… have an irrational fear of slugs," Naruto provided weakly, "I've gotten over it now though."

"I see." Was the only response from Katsuyu, who was, honestly? A bit amused and somewhat enamoured with Naruto's 'cute' antics. "Well I hope that means we can be friends, Naruto-san."

"I'd be honoured, Katsuyu-san." Naruto smartly replied and bowed smoothly, "please don't mind Kaa-sama. We don't know why she's so strange sometimes, but she is."

"Oh my, that must be terribly difficult for you," Katsuyu offered her condolences, "but you're such a polite boy, she must be so pleased."

"Naruto-kun…" Shizune interrupted, taking pity on her ototou. "Your manners are very impressive… when you use them…" which isn't often, she almost muttered aloud, "but you don't need to be so formal with Katsuyu-san. She's almost like a part of the family and of course you'll be able to summon her one day…"

"R-Really?" Naruto asked, "Oh… then Katsuyu-chan, can you do something about my really mean mother?" he pleaded.

"I'll do my best, Naruto-kun," Katsuyu offered. And, amidst cries of "just who's summon are you?" she proceeded to lob a glue like substance at the venerable Tsunade-hime.

_You could say that Tsunade was much better off for knowing her adopted son. He brought light and life to her previously unexceptional existence as a drifting gambler. You could even say she changed for the better as her sardonic side, despondancy and general hate of the world decreased. Though of course, some sacrifices had to be made._

Tsunade's eye twitched in irritation. "Impossible…" she was at the market, standing before an interesting shelf. "Sake…" she muttered, glancing to the right and finding large, glorious bottles of sake. "And… ramen" she muttered, glancing to the left: shelves stocked with the yummy instant noodle packets which Naruto was such a fan of. A big fan. "Damn! Why is ramen being put beside sake, anyway?" she yelled in frustration.

Shizune didn't miss her mentor's dilemma. Ramen or sake, what would she buy? Suddenly, the assistant's face split into a somewhat meddlesome cheshire-cat grin. "Oh, Tsunade-sama, did I tell you?" she asked, sounding far too innocent. "Naruto-kun's been doing **so** well with his studies lately. And yesterday he found a pervert and threw him all the way to the top of a redwood tree."

Tsunade's lips twitched, having seen the afore-mentioned man clinging to the top of a thirty meter tall redwood for dear life. "Naruto did that? That's pretty high…" she mused.

Tsunade seemed to struggle; she reached out vainly for her sake. Sweet glorious sake! But… "Damn. Stupid maternal pride…" she ground out, finally giving up and snatching some ramen from the shelf. "Come on Shizune, we're paying for this crap before I come back to my senses."

Grinning insanely, Shizune followed. Oh, Tsunade-sama had chosen something over sake! She was so proud…

_And though Tsunade now had a son, she did unfortunately retain her status of a wandering-gambler. In fact, it was while wandering through the small town of Rukodo that Naruto first encountered the last piece of what would be his family at the local onsen._

"Oy, kid, what's that you've got there?"

"Huh?" Naruto eyed the silver haired man, "what do you mean, old man?"

"That thing on your back" Jiraya insisted, indicating the intricately stylized lines covering the majority of Naruto's back.

"Oh, that? It's a tattoo. My kaa-chan got really mad when she found out…" Naruto trailed off evasively.

"That's no tattoo kid, it's a seal" Jiraya said shortly, causing Naruto to narrow his eyes at the stranger

"If you know what it is, then don't ask!" Naruto snapped. How the did this guy distinguish the seal kaa-chan put on his back from a tattoo?

"I meant," Jiraya growled out slowly, "what's it for?" It wasn't a question.

"Who the hell is asking?" Naruto shot back. Obviously, he had picked up how to swear from his mother, to a point.

Hearing his cue, Jiraya amazingly managed to perform an impromptu introduction dance in the hot spring, splashing water everywhere. For emphasis, he held open a copy of Icha-Icha Paradise in one hand at the end for Naruto to see. Though why he would take that book into a hot spring is anyone's guess.

Naruto eyed the inside of the cover. "The world's greatest novelist and ninja," he read flatly, "the wonderful Jiraya-sama."

Naruto sighed at the evidence. "Tacky silver hair: check" he muttered aloud, "lame introduction dance: check. Picture in a perverted book… sigh: check. Yeah, it's him."

Naruto suddenly turned his head to the wall separating the men's bath from the female's side. "Hey, kaa-chan! I found Uncle Jiraya!". Though Naruto had never met the man, his mother had regretfully informed that: between Jiraya's history as part of her gennin team – which was almost like her second family growing up – and his status as the close mentor of Naruto's biological father… Jiraya was more than qualified for the position of 'uncle' if he wanted it.

Tsunade swore. A lot. In fact, if Naruto hadn't been so used to it by now, he'd have been scarred for life. "Naru-chan! If that idiot starts peeking, beat the living hell out of him!"

_Which brings us to our present scene. Some years, and much history after Naruto's first encounter with his 'uncle', our hero is found standing in a small clearing within the forest behind his 'current' house one moonlit night. _

Once again, Naruto's fist made contact with the unforgiving rock. The resounding 'thwack' going unnoticed by the blond as he continued to pound away relentlessly at the boulder in front of him. His strength was steadily, if achingly slowly, approaching his mother's freakish level. The crescent shaped slab of rock he was pounding on – which had once been a boulder – was a testament to the fact. Chips and splinters of rock littered the ground around him, reminiscent of so much broken glass.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, brat?"

"Huh?" Naruto snapped around, spotting the familiar spiky silver hair. "Oh. Hi, Ero-Uncle" Naruto greeted. "Didn't the female population around here petition you to stay away?"

"Che! Little nephew, you have much to learn." Jiraya lectured. "When a woman tells you to stay away, it means she likes you!"

Naruto stared at his unofficially adopted uncle. Was he serious? "Ero-Uncle…" Naruto sighed, "are you really an idiot, or just in denial?"

Jiraya merely grunted and opted for a change of topics as he sat down on a fallen tree-trunk. "And what about you brat? You're out late, sneak out of the house?" he asked, bringing the conversation – by some strange fluke – to a civil level as he threw a can of juice at Naruto.

Naruto made a noncommittal grunt in response as he reached up to catch the cold beverage arcing through the air and…

"Shit!" Naruto suddenly swore as the can slapped into his open palm and unexpectedly sent laces of pain shooting throughout his open hand. A dead silence ensued, only broken by the 'ding' of the dropped beverage bouncing off the floor.

Naruto looked at his palm in bewilderment. For the first time that night, he noticed the bloody mess that his knuckles had become.

"Need me to patch you up, kid?" Jiraya asked, only half joking.

"Nah, this is nothing." Naruto explained and proceeded to form seals in jerky movements that were clearly interrupted by the insane pain his hands had to suffer through. A few agonizing seconds later – not that he showed just how much pain he was in – Naruto picked up the fallen beverage and joined the old man on the impromptu bench, completely healed. "So what's up, ero-Uncle? You come here to do 'research' for that perverted book of yours?"

"Peeking? Nah," Jiraya explained, "I actually came looking for you, kid. Haven't seen you for a while..."

Naruto felt the older man reach over and muss up his hair affectionately, and asked "Really?"

"Sure," the frog hermit grunted, "I even missed your fourth birthday, remember? Though I'm not saying I won't do some 'sightseeing' before I go"

Naruto ignored his uncle's sudden perverted chuckle. "No, it's fine. You sent a card with Gamakochi."

Jiraya sounded thoughtful. "You know, any normal kid would be complaining or demanding presents by now."

Naruto merely scoffed at the thought. "Normal? What's that have to do with me?"

"True. You're a pretty weird kid. 'Normal' isn't sneaking out at night to punch some rock until it gives up and crumbles into rubble."

A silence stretched out to follow Jiraya's last statement. He held his tongue as he saw the medic-nin in training frown at his can of apple juice. "You know how I never told you what that seal on my back was for?"

Indeed, Jiraya remembered the seal well. Frankly, he was impressed that Tsunade could pull something so complicated off. How many months or years had it taken her?

"Well," Naruto continued, "it's not really for sealing anything. It just… alters this one" he mumbled, lifting up his shirt and exposing… nothing.

"You can't see it, but it's there. The Kyuubi's seal…" Naruto muttered. "You know, when seals are put on people they only show up when you mould some Chakra through them" Naruto informed

Jiraya's brow furrowed, that was true. Very true. "Kid, I've never seen the one on your back disappear." He informed gravely

"Yeah," Naruto's head lifted up, now contemplating the stars, "Chakra's always running through it."

Jiraya was almost afraid of where this was going. "What is it?"

"A lock." Naruto promptly answered him. "It's just a lock. It keeps the Kyuubi's chakra from touching mine."

"But… why?" Jiraya asked in befuddlement.

"A medic-nin needs very high Chakra-control" he stated as if it were a simple and profound fact of life. "And even kaa-chan's battle techniques need a lot of control… and I can't," Naruto sighed, "I can't reach the right level with Kyuubi's chakra mixing with mine."

"I don't understand it much, but It's a lock" Naruto re-iterated "it cuts Kyuubi out of the loop. And it seals off a quarter of my chakra to stay active all the time"

"Twenty-five percent, huh? That's pretty steep." Jiraya carefully informed, "Minato's seal will grow with you, so you're mother's will have to grow to match it. That's twenty-five percent of your chakra that you'll never see for the rest of your life. Just to make it as if Kyuubi wasn't there."

Naruto didn't seem phased; in fact the little boy seemed much older than he was. "There's more to pay than that. I was chosen as the container because I was born the closest to when Kyuubi was sealed. My body is the container. And to stay the container, kaa-chan's seal will fade once a month and adjust my body"

Jiraya grimaced. "So once a month as Kyuubi's chakra is open to you and your body is forced to alter itself… which day is it?"

Naruto nodded. "Nee-chan picked out the day. She said making it work once every new moon would be more convenient. It's not bad, but I can't fight or train very well. I feel sick and… cough up blood a lot"

Ah, Jiraya couldn't hold it anymore "I knew Tsunade was paranoid about Minato's seal, but I hadn't even considered this… Listen Naruto, having the Kyuubi sealed in you shoots your chakra control to hell, but it's not all bad! Minato's seal will let you heal faster and have more chakra converted slowly from Kyuubi. It balances out. You can't reach the ridiculous heights of control that Tsunade has, but-"

Naruto stood up and faced his uncle with a determined look. "I need chakra-control to be the heir to kaa-chan's techniques" he said firmly, his face taking on a more fierce tone as he continued. "And I don't need help from the Kyuubi for that: or anything else!"

Jiraya looked surprised, but ended up chuckling wryly and conceding the point after a time. Once Naruto's made up his mind like this… well, you either agree or get out of the way. And Jiraya could very well understand the boy's sentiments regarding getting far under his own power. "Alright kid, I get it. Sit back down already."

It was then that Jiraya made a wistful observation "All children have the desire to surpass their parents. Such a sweet little kid, aren't you, 'Naru-chan'?"

Naruto smiled, bearing the brunt of Jiraya's jibe, just glad to see that his uncle understood his decision "Don't sound so laid back, old man," Naruto countered cheekily, "I'll surpass you, too!"

"Hmph!" Jiraya snorted contemptuously as he made a show of flipping off the log dramatically. "A brat like you? Kyuubi already shot your chakra-control to hell! You have absolutely no natural talent for it at all! You can only use seventy-five percent of your chakra, and to top it off, you're an idiot!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Naruto demanded, lunging for the famed pervert's throat.

"And you're loud!" Jiraya yelled back as he dodged Naruto's lunges with ease, "you're the worst possible person to try and become a ninja!"

Naruto growled and charged again. This wasn't playful banter anymore, this was war!

"BUT!" Jiraya thundered, causing Naruto to pause in his tracks and listen interestedly. "… you got guts, kid."

Jiraya smiled proudly as he continued. "You built your chakra control up from scratch to something damn impressive for your age. And you never let your twenty-five percent chakra handicap slow you down, you just worked harder. You really aren't a genius like some other kids: you're book-smarts isn't anything impressive. But you're always reading a scroll or book whenever you walk anywhere. You had me, Shizune, and your mother to teach you, but in the end you grew damn strong kid: under your own power."

Naruto almost got teary-eyed. Almost. His uncle sure had a roundabout way of delivering praise, that was for sure. The boy walked up to the man and gave him a wide smile. "You forgot something" Naruto informed.

"Yeah?" Jiraya asked, amused.

"Yeah... I'm loud but," Naruto cocked his fist back "I can trick idiots like you any day"

_WHAM!_

"Ugh" Jiraya groaned as he peeled himself off of the tree Naruto's punch had sent him sailing into. "Damn brat, I take back everything I said! You're useless!"

"Keh!" Naruto snorted, "you think you can insult me and then get away with it by saying some other stuff? You're the only idiot here!"

"Ungrateful brat!"

"Ero-Baka! Ero-Baka!" Naruto taunted, pointing an accusing finger at his uncle. "When they see him, all the women run away! He has to peek because no one will date him! He's been slapped by women in every country in the world!"

_Well… no one ever said they had a normal relationship. Normal would be too boring for those guys. But at the end of their meeting, Naruto and Jiraya walked away with the underlying messages behind their scuffles and arguments engraved within their hearts forever. And that... that was all right._

"_I understand your decision Naruto. I'm proud of you."_

"_Thanks for understanding, Uncle."_

* * *

_Omake_

Naruto walked up a small hill and found his Uncle sitting atop a grassy knoll. For once, not doing anything perverted.

"Yo, Ero-Uncle. What's that thing?"

Jiraya just grunted and continued to twist the little multi-coloured cube in his hands.

"Hey, hey. What is it already?" Naruto pestered.

"It's called a Rubix-Cube, brat. A merchant sold it to me. It's a puzzle. See? You have to get each side to have only one colour on it." Jiraya explained, giving it a decisive twist.

"Ahh, I see."

x- thirty minuets later-x

"Gah! Piece of junk!" Jiraya yelled before suddenly throwing the cube away.

Only to have Naruto catch it in one hand. "Jeez! It's just a cube! What kind of Sannin are you, anywhays?"

"Let's see you try it!" Jiraya demanded.

"Fine, I'll solve this thing easily! Just watch carefully, Ero-Baka" Naruto instructed.

x-another thirty minuets later-x

Naruto sat, fuming at the little cube before him, taunting him mercilessly. Damnit.

"… It's a stupid thing, anywhays." Naruto pouted

"Of course," Jiraya agreed factually, "in fact, I have much more important things to do."

"Me too," Naruto quickly agreed, "I can't believe I've wasted this much time already. I mean, it's probably impossible to do it."

"Do what?" Jiraya asked, "I don't know what you're talking about. And I definitely don't know anything about useless cubes that are beneath my notice."

"Oh hey! A rubix-cube!"

The uncle-nephew pair turned in tandem to see the origination of the voice. A spectacled kid suddenly bent down and picked up the afore mentioned cube.

"Wow, I haven't had the pleasure of idly indulging my crazily-cranial-cracking intellect on three dimensional cubic entertainment of this magnitude since I was three." The child, no older than four, observed.

x-thirty seconds later-x

"Ah!" The nameless boy exclaimed, "as extraneously easy as I recalled."

Naruto and Jiraya's eyes twitched in irritation. Naruto didn't even know what every other word out of this guy's mouth meant, but a stranger had just shown him up. Badly. Without even knowing.

"Well, good day gentle-sir! I'll just return this delightful mind-teaser to you, my good peer, and be on my way. How good of you to leave it so unimaginably far from solved for me. I bid you, Adieu!"

An with that, the little spectacled boy went on his way. Naruto had to physically restrain himself from hurling the rubix-cube at the gifted child's retreating form with a vengeance.

However, Jiraya took the cube and threw it at the smarmy brat, himself.

"This never happened." Jiraya insisted

Naruto could only nod fiercely in agreement

x-next week-x

"Yo, Tsunade" Jiraya greeted as he entered his old team-mate's current abode.

"Jiraya" Tsunade drawled from the kitchen. "How coincidental. You managed to somehow drop by just as dinner was prepared. Again. And I'm sure that you must be very hungry after travelling so far. Again. And I'm sure you won't leave me alone until I let your freeloading ass eat for free. Again!"

"Wow, Tsunade. You really are a remarkably astute woman!"

_TWACK!_

Jiraya was hit in the head by a flying projectile of the egg-timer nature. But hey, it was worth it. Free food! It didn't matter that he actually had loads of cash. Free-ness was bliss, plain and simple.

"Hm?" Jiraya sounded intrigued as he spotted an innocent looking cube perched on the counter. "Tsunade, what's that?"

The Slug Sannin followed his gaze. "Oh that? Naru-chan kept bugging me to buy him this thing a while ago. Kid kept carrying it with him and fiddling with it when he wasn't training. I swear he wouldn't put the damn thing down, even though it pissed the hell out of him. And then…" She shook her head wonderingly, "when he finished it, he just put it on the windowsill and left it."

Tsunade shot her old team-mate a look. "What do you know about it?"

Jiraya grinned madly. So, the brat didn't give up after all? He kept going for a week even after all that happened? For what? To gloat? For praise? No. To accomplish what he couldn't before. To not back down. "Kid's got guts" he informed, feeling somehow insurmountably impressed.

Tsunade's eyebrow delicately rose in that way that made people feel like they were idiots "What, are you just finding this out now? You really are slow, aren't you, 'Ero-Baka'?"

Jiraya's pride stung painfully. Too painfully to reply. He felt like he'd been verbally punched in the gut!

Naruto suddenly strolled into the room, his pristine white clothes now covered in mud. He looked over and noticed the shocked and insulted look his uncle was sporting. "Ah? Ero-Baka is here again? I should call you Ero-Freeloader, but it's too long" he informed pointedly.

"I'm going to take a shower, Kaa-chan!" Naruto yelled over his shoulder as walked past the stunned form of his uncle. "Make sure Ero-Freeloader doesn't eat all the food before I'm done!"

Tsunade smiled proudly. That's her Naru-chan! Putting idiots in their place and throwing insults at perverts with pin-point accuracy. Ah, she was so proud.

_End_

* * *

I'm sorry; I tend to use a lot of commas. I can't help it, it's an addiction. I'll try to cut back.

Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, and Sheep are the hand seals for the summoning technique as described by Jiraya. I'm not sure that the hand seals are the same for every summon race, but this is what I have.

Katsuyu, for those that don't know, is Tsunade's greatest slug summon. She's very 'tame' and polite. Gentle, too.

Icha-Icha Paradise is that orange book Kakashi is always reading. It's a popular perverted book that Jiraya writes.

"Ero-" is a prefix that Naruto uses in the anime to describe perverts. Hence: ero-sannin (perverted Sannin). It's not a far jump to get Ero-Uncle (perverted uncle) and Ero-Baka (perverted idiot)

About Ero-Uncle. Strictly speaking, it should be something like Ero-Ojisan. But that can get confused with a lot of things too easily. Ex. Ojisan is uncle. Ojiisan is grandfather.

Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 3

Several Subjects

_For the Houous, days passed by in more of the same fashion. Neither the Houous nor Jiraiya were known for staying in one place for very long. The Houous wandered fire country, occasionally stopping for months at a time in any one village, renting apartments or houses. Jiraiya spent most of his time around fire country as well, though he wandered the world. It was never a great surprise to see him making short visits to wherever his nephew happened to be, staying just a bit longer than he normally did in a particular city. It was even less of a surprise for him to sit in for some free-food with the barest of excuses – and absolutely no invitation. Naruto continued to make steady progress with his studies. Despite Shizune's always-ready praise, he could not help but feel inadequate. He hadn't his mother's nor his sister's natural affinity for manipulating chakra, still being leagues behind the ability they had displayed during their first years of general academy training. It would only be natural, if sad, for an adopted child like him to gain the concept within his subconscious that he was simply a damaged child. Kyuubi's existence had done nothing if not been a damage to his natural stats, after all. He had no natural affinity for chakra manipulation to speak of. Where his mother had started off already gifted in the chakra control field and advance by leaps and bounds, Naruto staggered forwards. As it was, he seemed determined to pay off the difference with raw effort. If Naruto was seen building sandcastles or catching bugs, it was because he was out of chakra. If he was seen lying on the ground, it was because he was out of physical energy as well. One would think that the issues of Naruto's apparent inability compared to his mother, though he was supposedly her heir, might have caused a rift or awkwardness. And perhaps it might have, if only Naruto and Tsunade hadn't known such things from day one; and all parties concerned weren't dealing with the reality of his situation with only minimal concern or effort. As it was, the issue just never came up. They were just those kinds of people. You could say that when Tsunade adopted him, Naruto became her child for life. Shizune was of a similar disposition, as evident by her fierce guarding of her precious otoutou from her mentor's attempts at 'corruption' and general manipulation, though he seemed more independent by now. Perhaps it was due to these strong family bonds of love that drove Naruto to join his sister in the ongoing war to get his mother to diminish her much cherished Sake and Gambling habits. Then again, perhaps Naruto was just a brash kid that had absolutely no problems with letting someone know when they were being stupid. Either way is plausible. However: the immediately relevant point is simply that during the year several subjects were touched upon. And in fact, it was half way through the year that the subject of Jiraiya's ability as a teacher came into question._

On this particular day, a now five year old Naruto was found squatting down on the ground, hunched over some object of interest. He seemed to be absorbed in whatever it was that he was doing, and so Jiraiya had no problems sneaking up to him.

Jiraiya had just made it into town. It had been a month since he'd last seen his adopted nephew, and he was wondering how the brat was doing. So here he was. "Oy, Naruto!" he prompted, startling the boy out of his revere.

"Huh? Oh, it's just Ero-Uncle" Naruto observed, standing up and dusting off his pants with one hand. "We already ate lunch, so you can't invite yourself to eat all our food today." He held up the other hand to the sky. In it was a small blue-bird, wing finaly healed and once again ready to soar into the sky. It did so with great joy and thanks.

"Really? Damn." Jiraiya muttered. Shizune was one hell of a cook. "I mean," he coughed into his fist, "do you really think so little of me, Naruto?"

"It's not just me" Naruto pointed out factually. "Everyone thinks about you like that."

Needless to say, that elicited a response. "Ungrateful brat!" Jiraiya shouted. It was one of his favourite phrases of all time.

"What are you talking about? I have nothing to be grateful for!" Naruto shouted back. "You're only good for practicing how to heal slap marks!" Well, that wasn't completely true. He also made a good test-subject for week poisons and subsequent antidotes whenever he was in particular need of divine retribution for something which usually involved him using Naruto as a scapegoat. Sure, the old man might summon some frogs to help his nephew train before running off to be perverted – but the way Naruto saw it, that was mostly the frogs being useful.

"Fine!" Jiraiya "humph"-ed. "I was going to teach you a super-cool jutsu, but I guess I'll just go research instead…" Jiraiya recited, it was another of his favourite phrases.

"Old man," Naruto growled, "the day you actually teach me a super-cool jutsu is the day I read that perverted book of yours!" Naruto argued, pointing his finger accusingly at his uncle.

Jiraiya's eyes widened and suddenly filled with a terrible gleam. "Deal!" he shouted, grabbing Naruto's outstretched hand and giving it a vigorous hand-shake.

"Wait. What?" Naruto said dumbly. "No way, I take it back! I don't want to read your stupid perverted book!"

"Too late, brat! I may be old, but I can still trick idiots like you any day!" he gleefully proclaimed, reversing a line Naruto had used on him before.

"Whah? Buh?" Naruto mumbled incoherently. The old man had tricked him? Him? Naruto? He'd just been roped into reading a perverted book. He was in shock.

-

x-later-x

Naruto sighed. He couldn't believe this was happening. If his mother ever found out, he was dead. He sat cross-legged on the ground, watching his 'teacher' take up a lecturing pose.

"Okay, kid" Jiraiya began, looking like he was actually going to take this seriously. "You know how you're always doing chakra control exercises?"

"Yeah…"

"Yet, despite your constant efforts," Jiraiya continued, "you're still a complete failure compared to your mother and sister."

"Shut up!" Naruto snapped.

Jiraiya internally admitted that perhaps he hadn't made the fairest comparison. Tsunade and Shizune were like gods when it came to chakra control and the brat had actually gotten pretty damn good. Of course, Jiraiya wasn't going to be the one to tell him that more than once or twice a year. "Anyway, the point is that you're always burning out your chakra" Jiraiya concluded. "It's unexpected... but because of that, you have some massive reserves for a kid your age, even with your Kyuubi suppression thing taking twenty-five percent. You could say chakra is like a muscle. The more you use it, the greater it becomes."

"Yeah? Well, I guess so…" Naruto mused.

"So you see, you're useless attempts at getting better are good for something after all."

"Enough already!" Naruto shouted, shaking his fist angrily. "And it's not useless, I **am** getting better! You said so, too!" he defended. "Just teach me, you idiot!"

Ah, sweet revenge. Jiraiya was basking in the fact that he was getting back at his nephew for all of the brat's disrespect. Which mostly centered around Jiraiya's perverted work, which was very important to the frog hermit. But back to work. "Did you know that in Konoha, the Uchiha clan used to teach its kids the C-Rank technique _Katon: Gokyaku no jutsu_? It was some sort of rite of passage."

Naruto blinked. Gokakyu no jutsu? Great fireball technique? "I'm going to learn to shoot a fireball?" he asked, excitedly. Oh, the first thing he'd do was toast that Ero-Baka.

"No." Jiraiya said pointedly. "You already have the chakra for it, so we're just going to skip _Housenka, Gokakyu,_ and all that low-rank, kiddie stuff."

"Wait. Skip?" Naruto asked sceptically. He was getting a bad feeling about this.

"The useful B-Rank jutsu: _Katon: Karyuu Endan!_ Here, stand like this" he said, spreading his feet apart. Naruto followed suit. "The seals are rat, horse, tiger, dog, ox, dragon, horse, hare, and tiger. Mold the chakra so that it ends up flowing into your lungs and then blow it out. Think of a 'Fire Dragon' when you do."

Naruto eventually managed to remember all the instructions. "That's a lot of hand seals, but it doesn't sound so hard. Just tiring. Okay…" he closed his eyes and began concentrating on how his chakra was molding as he slowly moved through the handseals.

"Actually, you'll probably…" Jiraiya trailed off.

"Katon: Karyuu End-Ack!" A small flame issued forth, and Naruto fell to his knees clutching his burnt lips while utilizing a few of his adopted mother's more choice swear-words. He began to flip through a more familiar set of handseals.

Jiraya watched amusedly as Naruto held up a glowing yellow palm of chakra to his mouth. "Hey," Jiraya observed that the brat's lips were still burned, "can't you just heal it?"

Naruto shot his uncle a look as he quickly rifled through his inside coat pockets. He developed a kind of lisp from having his lips burned. "I don't know that one yet!" he defended. "I just numbed the pain a little."

Naruto proceeded to pull out a vial of clear blue liquid and apply it to his lips. Hare, horse, bird, monkey, dog… "Kashou-nankou-fukasu no jutsu." Another palm of yellow chakra later, Naruto was in good health.

Jiraiya's eyebrows rose.

Oddly, Naruto didn't really blame his uncle for the burn. Not that he'd let the pervert know that. In an attempt to knock his temporary teacher out of his stupor he opted to explain himself. "Since I don't know the 'first degree burn heal', I have to combine an ointment of east-fire-root and the 'burn ointment accelerator technique'."

Jiraiya's eyebrows remained up. Brat was full of surprises. He actually sounded like he knew what he was talking about. With the way the kid normally talked, it was easy to forget that he actually studied.

Naruto shot his uncle a flat look. "Yeah, I didn't think you'd understand. Listen Ero-Baka, I can only heal burns if I have this bottle of stuff right now, okay? Back to work!" he snapped.

-

x-nightfall-x

The vial of ointment lay on its side – empty. The whole day had gone by with Naruto practicing, arguing with his uncle while he recovered, and then practicing again. He knew he was going to catch hell when he went home with his cloths singed as they were, and there was also the looming promise of having to read Ero-Baka's book of extreme perversion.

Naruto panted. "D-Damn thing… won't work!" he groused.

Jiraiya made a distinctly fed up sound. "It's getting late, brat. Let's call it a day. We'll start again tomorrow" Jiraiya proposed. "For the record, you're not doing well."

"Pompous ass" Naruto muttered. "It's fine, you already taught me the damn super-cool jutsu. I'll read your stupid book, but…" he paused "I'll never become perverted like you!"

Jiraiya shook his head sadly. "Your loss." He then handed Naruto a few sheets of paper. "You're obviously not mature enough to care about adult things, so I'll only make you read the non perverted parts."

Relief dawned on Naruto's face. "Really? Cool…" Naruto mumbled. "Hey wait, you only gave me three pages!" Naruto protested.

"…So?"

There was utter silence for a time. Even the local animals of nature fell into silence: perhaps in shock.

"Ugh" the medic-nin in training sounded in disgust, the implications sinking in. Why did he suddenly feel a headache coming on? "Out of an entire novel…" he emphasised each word, "you only have three pages of non-perverted stuff!"

That was very true. But rather than becoming defensive, Jiraiya seemed to brighten up at this and his chest puffed out in pride. "Icha-Icha Paradise is the most super-perverted series in the world" he said severely, as if the title were of some life-altering significance. Sadly, there were probably people out there whose lives really were altered drastically by the perverted book. "Those pages aren't eve double-sided. And the books after that one have even more perverted content!" He shouted triumphantly, and with much vigour. "You should understand: Its power… is so great that I am required by law to sell a pair of nose plugs with each copy, lest first time readers suffer extreme blood loss."

Naruto gaped. Two words: Throbbing–headache. Did people really get nosebleeds from perverted thoughts? Why then, did his uncle not always have a nosebleed? Was he so adapted to being perverted that he had built up immunity? "I'll read these small pieces of you not being perverted later."

Naruto began to slowly trudge home. Jiraiya followed suit, unsurprisingly.

Jiraiya coughed into his fist for the second time that day when he saw Naruto's raised eyebrow. "Well… I have a hotel but all the good restaurants are closed by now… You know how it is." He said conversationally

Naruto smiled tiredly; yeah he knew how it was. His uncle was a cheap freeloader, that's how it was. "Well, since you actually weren't useless for a change, I guess I won't complain. Come on Ero-Freeloader, I'll try and keep Kaa-chan from attacking you with the egg-timer again."

As they trudged along, there was one thing Naruto couldn't stop thinking about. "I still think it's weird that you didn't try to make me read the whole perverted book."

"Are you kidding?" Jiraiya asked scandalously. "Your mother would beat me to death, and your sister would just kill me in my sleep."

"Ah. That makes sense."

-

_And this closed the subject of Jiraiya's uselessness. In regards to the Karyuu Endan: after more than a week of practice and empty bottles of east-fire-root… Naruto still couldn't do it. Not ready to give up completely, Naruto nonetheless put it lower on his list of priorities. He considered it good training, but hopes of actually using the technique itself seemed slim for the near future. There was clearly something wrong. Regardless, more subjects would be addressed this year. The subject of Konoha was a bit of a touchy one for the Houous. Or rather, it was to Tsunade. Due to the scars of her past, Konoha for Tsunade was both a nest of painful memories and a place which she distrusted greatly. Unfortunately for her, at that time in the shinobi world: the country one was born in dictated the village they could become a ninja of, meaning Naruto would have to go to Konoha. It was a fact. An eventuality. And it was this eventuality that saw the Houous visiting Konoha shortly before Naruto's sixth birthday. The exact purpose itself for the visit was somehow foggy. But Konoha was something that the Houous would have to face sooner or later. _

The Grand Gates of Konoha are one of the most widely known landmarks in the current shinobi world. It's not that hard to believe. The daunting sight was certainly something that one would remember and bring tales of back to his or her own village. The twin gates were constructed from trees that the First Hokage himself had called forth. With a height that easily equated to at least three stories and a density that made the wood all but diamond hard, the Grand Gates of Kohoha were – like many of the world's widely known landmarks – completely and utterly useless. They were just too damn heavy. It was impractical. In fact, due to the daunting need of at least several hardy taijutsu specialists to open and close the gate each-and-every time such an act was required, the Grand Gates of Konoha were practically never used. Still, it was a sight to behold. To a merchant that frequented Konoha, it might only warrant a small pause and short look of awe. To an assaulting enemy force, it would look like an impenetrable barrier that would strip away all hope and fighting spirit. To Shizune, it looked like something mildly interesting that she was considering sounding very exited about, for her otoutou's benefit. The fact was: Katsuyu was bigger. To Tsunade, it just looked like a big door. This most likely stemmed from the fact that she could open and close it regularly without a team of taijutsu specialists breaking into dry heaves – as if it really were nothing more than a large door.

No. It was what lay beyond that door which intimidated her. For beyond that door was fear. Uncertainty. Danger. Not for her of course.

No, damnable Konoha wouldn't take her. It struck at who she loved most in the whole world. The dearest lights of her life had been swallowed up and taken away. Because death was a release and life without your light was a living hell. Dieing heroically or whatever, dead was dead. And Nawaki and Dan didn't deserve to die, not like that. And now – Tsunade took a deep breath – she was about to walk the third and dearest light of her life straight into the village that had claimed the other two.

The sannin growled. She didn't like this, she definitely didn't like this. She was a gambler; hell the kanji on her coat meant "gamble". But she didn't gamble with her child's life. Not ever. This was just so wrong. She wasn't an idiot, she knew that her views of Konoha were skewered at best, but when you're little brother dies on a supposedly safe and simple mission; and your significant other dies bleeding to death in your arms before you can even have your honeymoon, **just** as you're starting to regain hope in life not being a twisted tunnel of emotional pain and hell, well…you start to see a trend. And it's not a good trend.

This was just so wrong.

-

Little Naruto looked up at the mega sized gates before him. Of course, his head had to be craned back like crazy so that he could actually see the size of it rather than just a solid expanse of wood. As an aspiring medic-nin, he was aware that craning your neck back this much and this long was actually pretty bad for you – but wow. Those were some big doors. And on the other side of them… home?

He wasn't sure. He hadn't even ever been inside of Konoha, except for the day he spent their as an infant. Did just being born there let him call it home? If not, then where was home? Rudoku, where he'd first met his adopted uncle? Hitoro, where his mother had worked an all-time record of two weeks in a row at the local apothecary to pay off at least some of their debt for a change? Kaseigo, where his wandering family had stayed the longest?

"Kaa-chan…" Naruto finally spoke, "are we home?"

Tsunade's paternal heart endured a stab of pain at the odd question. Just what did that mean? Was all the traveling getting to him? To her, home was wherever her Naruto was. But if Naruto wanted to stay here… could she call it home? "We'll see, Naru-chan." Tsunade promised, "We'll see."

And now: apparently done with the sightseeing, Tsunade calmly placed her right palm onto one of the monolithic doors – and pushed.

-

Shizune watched as her mentor calmly proceeded to force open the monolithic Grand Gates of Konoha with one hand. Shizune would be the first to tell you that Tsunade was the one that worried over Naruto the most, yet she looked so calm at this point. It was an odd trait that Tsunade and Naruto were prone to exhibiting. When the moment of truth arrived, they would become suddenly calm – if fiercely determined or some such other emotion. All fretting and 'what if's and 'if only's were thrown out the window. Problems were quickly ascertained: then dealt with in much the same manner. The past was left behind and assumptions were prone to being discarded in an instant. Where someone else would widen their eyes in shock and lose their footing, her mentor and otoutou would narrow their eyes and decimate what obstacles stood ahead. Naruto had even coined a phrase off of that by accident one morning during breakfast conversation: "When you have nowhere to move but forwards: don't look back".

Shizune thought it was adorable, how he'd look as if he was lecturing her when he said it.

-

Tsunade kneeled, the Grand Gates now opened. "Naru-chan… do you remember where you got your whisker marks?" Tsunade had hated to tell her son that a medic-nin had spitefully tried to assassinate/mark him on the day he was born, but she trusted her son to be strong enough to handle the information and wasn't willing to lie about it. Her trust hadn't been misplaced.

"Yes, Kaa-chan…" Naruto mumbled, "I remember."

Tsunade's eyes softened. "Good. Hold my hand and stay beside me, okay?"

Naruto nodded resolutely, "I promise". And as Tsunade took his hand in hers and smoothly entered Konoha with her son by her side and her attendant trailing behind her, Tsunade wondered: what did "home" mean to Naruto?

-

x-Konoha: Interior-x

It was a generic day at the crowded outskirts of Konoha's market district. Meaning it was sunny, with a few clouds drifting lazily in the sky. Tetsou, a sixteen year old local – old enough to be tall, but not old enough to look old – with brown hair and unremarkable features was taking his little sister of four years for a walk. Why? Mostly because he was sick of hearing her complain about being bored; to the point where hearing her complain about her feet being tired had become a tempting prospect he couldn't ignore. **Just** for a change of pace. But he also cared about her – when she wasn't looking. He prided himself in acting like a 'good elder brother that really should be too mature to hang out with kids' aught to act.

A low rumbling and the sound of long unmentioned hinges creaking prompted the normal din of the market crowd to take on a new direction.

"Look! It's the Grand Gates of Konoha! They're… they're opening!"

Of course, by this point the crowd was staring in shock at the sight of the monolithic gate actually being opened. What type of terrible force was being exerted on the other side? What did this mean for Konoha? Immediately, the general public broke into hysterics.

"Oh my god!" one villager shouted. "We're being invaded!"

"No!" another disagreed, not able to imagine any human gathering able to open the three story gates. "It's a gigantic summon creature here to kill us all!"

Tetsou couldn't look away from the impossible sight. "It's some kind of horrific monster with freakish strength!"

The door finally stopped moving, and it was then that people began to recognize the figure of a blond, big-chested woman kneeling to speak confidentially with a child. It was Tsunade-sama! Of course, she was famous and widely known in Konoha, even amongst the non-ninja villager community. One could say that it was due to her being a sannin, the single greatest contributor to medicine in history, and the savoir of multitude of sick or injured. But really, it was just that she was damn impressive and looked cool. Basically, the village wanted to be proud of her. It was a morale thing. One could even say it might have been a 'we're better than you are' sort of thing.

Whispers of Tsunade's name and general murmuring were heard as the newly arrived group smoothly strode up to the busy streets of Konoha. Tsunade didn't walk as if she were hurried, but she seemed to be mildly annoyed with something.

"So," The sannin stopped uncomfortably close to Tetsou, "Now I'm a 'Horrific monster with freakish strength', huh?'" She asked, eyebrow faintly twitching.

Tetsou gulped in fear. Another reason for people's knowledge of Tsunade's name may have something to do with her legendary temper which was known to cow the Hokage on occasion. Her willingness to extract said temper in impressive displays of otherworldly strength may have had something to do with it as well.

Regardless, Tetsou knew he and his sister wer toast. "Imoutou!" he shouted as he spread his arms wide in the classic 'human shield' pose. "Run away and don't look back!" he screamed, "I'll distract her!"

Tsunade's left eyebrow developed a sporadic twitch. Did this brat really think she was going to grind his bones and make soup with it or something? The twitch got even worse as the brat's little sister ran into the crowd yelling "I won't forget you, Tetsou-niichan!"

That did it.

Tetsou reflexively closed his eyes as the fist came sailing at him at impossible speeds. But the force halted centimetres away from his face, and as the wind that was dragged along with the fist blew past him and he found that yes, he was still alive, Tetsou dared to open his eyes.

"Dumb brat" Tsunade muttered. From her fist which was halted inches from Tetsou's face, Tsunade's index finger rose in a swift, decisive act.

_flick!_

Naruto winced as he saw the poor villager go sailing into a wooden fence. His mother's mighty finger flick of death was something to be feared indeed. He was still a ways from pulling that particular move off. "Kaa-chan," he said as he peered at the post-flicked boy, "I think you dislocated his arm."

Shizune peered as well. "No Naruto-kun, he's just seems unconscious."

"Halt!" A masked ANBU demanded as he appeared out of nowhere. "Welcome back Tusnade-sama. But I'll need to see some ID…"

"ID?" Tsunade asked, not quite believing that she: sannin of Konoha and summoner of five story slugs needed to present ID. "Are you telling me that there is someone else that can open those huge excuses for doors with one hand and knock a person across the street with one finger?"

"W-Well…" the ANBU floundered. "I wasn't really here to personally see either case and…" The ANBU trailed off. Oh, that had 'bad move' written all over it. Just what had he done to himself?

"You should have just said so" Tsunade informed. In an instant her right hand was centimetres from the ANBU's face, ready to flick. "Here's my proof of ID."

"No!" the ANBU shouted in an embarrassingly high-pitched panicky voice. Not a soul blamed him. "That's okay, there are enough witnesses, you see!"

"Well," Tsunade drawled, "if you're sure."

"I'm very sure" the ANBU whimpered.

Naruto took this time to observe his surroundings. So this was Konoha. They were on the street that led directly from the Grand Gates, obviously. The path then split up ahead. Down the right street, he could glimpse the starts of a market area. Over the left, whatever was on the street was immediately ignored in favour of staring at the hill side which had a bunch of guys faces carved into it. Directly ahead, a giant circular tower rose above the roofline. He also caught sight of a banner advertising his uncle's perverted books above a building. As well as an impressively big house to his left that was surrounded by trees. All in all, it seemed like a good place. But slowly he felt the gazes of the villagers shift away from his mother and towards himself. Towards his whisker marks. He wondered, would they see Houou Naruto: Sannin Tsunade's son or would they see Naruto: Kyuubi no Kitsune's container.

"We've come back" Shizune said wistfully to the wind. "It's been a long time."

Seeing his adopted sister's apparent relief or joy at returning to her village of birth, Naruto wondered if he dared share his concerns with her. She worried too much as it was.

"Yes" Tsunade agreed, voice lined with a vague concern. "But if I say 'I'm back', will Konoha say 'Welcome back'?"

Naruto looked at his mother questioningly.

The woman shot her son a soft smile. "Naruto…" Tsunade began softly. "Home is where someone you care about is waiting to say 'welcome back'."

Naruto's eyes shot wide in awe at this concept, the words burning into his memory forever. Slowly, he nodded to his mother and –after a time– smoothly lifted his gaze skywards. The breeze played wistfully with his hair. "I'm back… Konoha"

* * *

_Omake_

_The subject of Tsunade's gambling came to a head one morning. The roar of the argument had long since scared all the wildlife away from the Houou's current house of residence. Tension was high. Each word was shouted with alarming force between the two fierce verbal combattants.  
_

"I thought it was just a hobby that you spent money on!" Naruto proclaimed feveredly.

"It IS my hobby, you idiot!" Tsunade shouted back, clearly beyond ticked off at this point.

"No it's not! It's a competition –and you suck at it!" Naruto accused

"What!" Tsunade exclaimed in shock. The sting was extreme. That was a sensitive subject for her. "No more Ramen, brat!" she vengefully commanded

No more Ramen! Naruto felt like he'd suffered a terrible blow. But he regrouped alarmingly quickly. He'd have to endure, all this time he hadn't understood the true nature of this "gamble", but now he knew. And things had gone on long enough. "It's the truth! They call you the 'Legendary Sucker' Kaa-chan! You suck so much, it's legendary!"

Shizune hadn't really thought of this aspect, she'd always been more concerned about the monetary side. The whole: "we're in debt and it's both shameful and hazerdous to our livelihoods" aspect. Though her otoutou's concerns somehow fit his personality to a "T". And of course, she was glad that Naruto was finally taking a position against her mentor's gambling. At least… she thought he was?

"Th-That…" Tsunade floundered.

"You're not even wasting our money doing something interesting; you're wasting it playing a game you suck at!" Naruto insisted. "At least waste it on something cool!"

Tsunade glared down at her adopted son. "That will change! Statistically, I **have** to hit some kind of jackpot!"

"No," Naruto disagreed, "Statistically, you suck!"

It was at this point that a rage-filled punch sent Naruto crashing through the front door, which was thankfully open. But as he was used to being on the painful end of his mother's temper and was perhaps too fired up for his own good, Naruto was up and back in the argument in a flash. "Give up, Kaa-chan! Find something you're good at, or at least something you're not really, really bad at!"

"No" Tsunade glared stubbornly, she should have punched the brat harder. "Damnit, I want to gamble!"

"Fine!" Naruto threw up his hands in frustration. "But can't you not suck so much? Get training or something!" he demanded. "Work harder, damnit!"

Suddenly, Shizune didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"Work harder?" Tsunade asked, shocked. "Work harder? I've been gambling for thirteen !#+-#$+ years straight! That's training for longer than you've been alive!"

"And…," Naruto glared, "you **still **suck!"

"NARUTOOOO!" Tsunade lunged. Shizune did her best to physically restrain her mentor, but wasn't going to last very long if Tsunade started to utilize her monstrous strength. "You think it's easy? I'd like to see you try!"

"Fine!" Naruto shot back. "If I completely fail, then at least you won't be lonely!"

_- _

_It took a little effort, but Tsunade eventually managed to get the local casino to agree to let little Naruto in to gamble – but just for a day._

Tsunade, calmed down a little from yesterday, led Naruto and Shizune to her place of gamble. The establishment was quite large, but was somewhat lacking in decoration. "This is it, brat" Tsunade announced, "are you ready for this?" she challenged.

"Bring it on!" Naruto yelled back. "Nee-chan, I need my pouch."

Shizune sighed. "Naruto-kun, I really don't think this is a good idea…"

"I have to do this, Nee-chan" Naruto insisted.

Sighing, Shizune regretfully handed over the small pouch that contained every yen of allowance Naruto had ever gotten. Ruefully, she noted that he seemed so determined and dead-set on this. She supposed he must feel strongly about the subject.

Well, as long as Naruto didn't get hurt or addicted to gambling, she supposed it was okay…

Bravely, the trio entered the building.

-

x-Casino: Interior-x

"Alright, brat," Tsunade began, "it's a game of skill, strategy and…"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's start!" Naruto shouted bravely.

"What!" Tsunade shouted in disbelief.

"Hm, so I get five cards" Naruto observed. "And they have stuff on them. Do I win?"

Tsunade peered at her son's hand. "Four of a kind! Keep those cards and get rid of that king!" she whispered loudly. Of course, the dealer heard her.

"Okay" Naruto said as he proceeded to throw away three cards.

"What are you doing?" Tsunade demanded.

"Well," Naruto reasoned, "I figured that since you suck so much, Everything you say must be really bad. So I got rid of some other stuff."

"You…. You…" Tsunade mumbled, not able to express her rage.

The dealer laughed. Partially because the kid had guts. Partially because this win would be so painfully easy. He gave Naruto three cards to replace the ones he'd lost.

"Hmm, now I have a bunch of funny stuff. I think this is good." Naruto deduced.

"You idiot!" Tsunade shouted from her spot at the side of the table. "Don't bet anything!"

"I'm going to bet all this stuff!" Naruto proclaimed, indicating his betting chips, going for broke with his theory.

Tsunade ground her teeth. For the first time in her life, she seriously considered slamming her head on a table in frustration.

The dealer grinned widely. "I'll match you" he informed. "Full house, kid" he smugly explained, putting down his cards.

Naruto made a "hmmm" sound and proceeded to look at his cards at great length, shuffling them around.

"Well," the impatient dealer finally said, "What do you have?"

"How should I know!" Naruto snapped, "I'm just a kid. I don't play poker. I have a bunch of red guys, a ten, and an A." he said, putting down his cards. "That's good, right?"

Tsunade stared at the Royal Flush. Of Hearts. The fact that she hadn't gotten one of those in thirteen years of gambling was not lost on her as she proceeded to gape openly.

-

Shizune watched, torn between being upset that her Otoutou was gambling, and being pleased that he was so good at it.

"How are you doing that?" Tsunade demanded.

"How should I know!" Naruto protested. "I'm just a kid! I don't know what I'm doing. I just pull the handle! Try pushing those buttons, I think they're good."

Immediately, Tsunade as well as every person in the casino that had been sitting at a slot machine -and listening in on Naruto's conversation for some kind of miracle tip- began to push random red buttons with gutso.

-

It was the end of the day, and the Houous were sadly forced to leave the Casino. Tsunade exited the main doors first, looking generaly dazed and disorientated, walking mechanically and wondering just what the hell had happened. Naruto slowly followed after her, dragging a criminally large green bag of cash and Shizune followed after, pushing the other end with her shoulder.

"This is…" Naruto panted, "good training."

"Naruto-kun," Shizune grunted out, under the strain of pushing such a ridiculously sized bag. "We can pay off a lot of debts with this."

"Well… okay Nee-chan. I know you worry about that stuff" Naruto consented amongst strenuous gasps for air. "But I want to use most of it for Ramen" he insisted.

"M-Most of it?"

"Yeah," Naruto grunted, "let's go to the store first. Then it won't weigh much the rest of the way, right?"

"Otoutou…" Shizune mumbled tough her breath was short from exertion, "I don't think you could spend much of this to buy the whole shelf of Ramen."

"Really?" Naruto asked.

"You might get it lighter if… you buy the whole store."

"Oh." Naruto said. He would be more excited, but he'd had a very strenuous day of shocking people by consistently winning money at impossible odds that left them so stunned, they'd been effectively robbed blind before they knew what was going on. "Well Kaa-chan, I was right. I didn't even know what I was doing, and I still won all this stuff." Naruto lectured. "So you must really, really suck at gambling."

"Yeah" Tsunade mumbled, still looking around in a general daze, having just seen several general rules of probability decimated by her own son. "You're probably right, Naru-chan. I think I'll just gamble for fun from now on."

"Well…" Naruto muttered, still straining with the bag he was pulling. "I'm still confused about how it works. It's not really a good game" he observed. "I don't think training helps, so it's not really your fault."

That was a surprise. "You think so, Naru-chan?" She asked. That may have been one of the nicest things she'd ever heard about her gambling addiction and unnatural ability to lose repetedly.

"Yeah. Hey Kaa-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Were you… serious about that 'no Ramen' thing?"

"That? Well… not really"

"Oh. Just checking."

_End._

* * *

I was very pleased at the apparent success that this story enjoyed. Everyone's input was quite helpful. As the reviews came in and the stats piled up: I eventually broke down and started giggling uncontrolably for quite a few minuits. Right at the breakfast table. This also got into a c2, which I thought was quite neat. 

Rat, tiger, dog, ox, rabbit, and tiger are the handseals for Katon: Hosenka, I expanded on that by putting in other handseals to get what I used for Katon: Karyuu Endan. So sadly, those are not Karyuu Endan's real seals. I will continue to do this sort of thing.

Katon means Fire Art or Fire Style

I used to have something here that had asked for what Medic Art would be. It's awesome, a kind reviewer has told me it's "Ijutsu". It's a little different from Katon, Suiton, Doton, ect.; but I'm quite glad that I know it now.

Kashou-nankou-fukasu no jutsu literally means burn-ointment-accelerate.

Dan is not mentioned as Tsunade's husband in the anime: only as her boyfriend. That was my intervention, so obviously the timing of the wedding was mine to make up as well.

Otoutou means little brother

Imoutou means little sister

Oniichan means elder brother

ANBU stands for **An**satsu Senjutsu Tokushu **Bu**tai, which roughly comes out to "Special Assassination and Tactical Squad".

Please review.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 4

Konoha

_The Hidden Villiage of Leaves: Konoha. Its existence was both feared and respected by many throughout the Shinobi world. At one point, it was commonly believed that it was the single most powerful hidden village in the world, despite being one of the youngest. This was commonly believed to be largely due to Konoha's startling number of 'Heroes'. Ninja's that rose far above the average level and transcended into another league all together. It began, of course, with the first Hokage. Tthe founder of Konoha himself: Houou Hananoki was more commonly just called Shodaime out of respect. He was known for having a unique and interesting talent: the use of Mokuton Jutsu. An entire new branch of techniques that was reserved specifically for the Shodaime. According to legend: he used his gift to construct the basic structure for Konoha in a single day. During warfare, his ability to create ramparts and drastically alter the landscape turned the tides of many battles. Then there was the Shodaime's brother, the Nidaime: Houou Idomizu, whose raw combat ability struck fear and awe into armies, and who's mastery of Suiton jutsu was acknowledged even in Mist Country. The Sandaime: Sarutobi Fuuyou was called the professor. He was known to be fair and diplomatic, but he was equally known for his near-encyclopaedic knowledge of jutsu and seemingly endless list of abilities for any given situation. The Yondaime: Namikaze Minato, also called Konoha's Yellow Flash, was a name that was borderline taboo in certain countries. After a time, he was universally deemed to be completely invincible in straight combat. Entire battalions were instructed to cut there losses and just run for their lives if they were ever unfortunate enough to meet him on the battlefield. There was Konoha's White fang: Hakate Sakumo, who was known as the ultimate assassin before his choice to neglect the rules in favor of saving his friends and his subsequent forced Hara-kari. Konoha, to be blunt, had consistently produced select people that were just too powerful. No one knew exactly why that was, but it was sometimes thought to have something to do with the social values of the general populace and both their accepting and their encouraging nature. As Houou Naruto trailed beside his mother through the whispering and increasingly unfriendly streets of Konoha, he found that particular explanation a little difficult to agree with._

"Relax, Naru-chan…" Tsunade mumbled, as she swept her hawk-like gaze over the whispering crowd. "We're almost there. Don't worry."

Naruto absorbed his mother's words silently. His usually upbeat attitude subdued for a change by the speculative and gradually more hateful gazes that were beginning to surround him on each side.

Naruto did not know it, but news traveled faster than his own walking speed in Konoha, and news of the Kyuubi container's return was apparently at least twice so quickly spread. Apparently, the medic-nin that had scarred Naruto's cheeks had spread the word of her accomplishment to the villagers. Giving them the knowledge to easily identify the Kyuubi container on sight. Nearly six years away did little to dissipate Konoha's hatred towards Kyuubi.

x-Recap-x  
"She used a solution on the scalpel to stop the blood from clotting; and another to stain the skin, even when I heal it. It looks like a damn whisker tattoo, except I can't remove it like one. I'd be impressed if I weren't so disgusted."  
x-end Recap-x

"Relax, Naru-chan…" Tsunade repeated. "If anyone tries to hurt you, I can kick their asses, easy." Spying the obvious tension in the balled fist his adopted mother kept at her right side, Naruto was not sure whether she was trying to address his feelings, or her own. While there wasn't much that scared a woman like Tsunade; there was a lot that pissed her off. And seeing the villagers of Konoha gossip and glare was one of those things that really, really pissed her off.

Shizune trailed behind her obviously annoyed mentor silently. Disgust and concern were welling up slowly inside her, though her face tried to remain carefully neutral. That was her precious otoutou those villagers were glaring at, but it was her childhood home that was doing the glaring. What should she feel at a time like this?

"I knew this was a bad idea." Tsunade muttered spitefully under her breath. "… At least we're here."

Naruto looked at the building of their destination. No, make that 'buildings'. Before them, there was a large wooden fence, clearly cutting off the district within from the surrounding one. Two white eyed, pupil-less guards stood rigidly straight and at attention to each side of the arch that signalled the main entrance to Konoha's own Hyuuga District.

A man, standing straighter than the guards, came walking out through that arch to meet them just as the Houous reached the entrance. The event seemed as if he had taken practiced care to arrive at exactly that time.

"Ah, Tsunade-hime. How good to see you grace Konoha once again with your prescience" the rigid man greeted. Though his sentence was genial enough, not a ghost of a smile filtered across his stony set face. "Please, come in for some tea. The Houous are, of course, always welcome at the Hyuuga District Could I ask if you'll be staying long?"

If the Hyuuga's stony expression affected Tsunade at all, she didn't show it. "Tea sounds good about now, Hiashi." She sighed, while leading the group through the wooden arch that signalled the start of Hyuuga territory. "Depending on certain things, I may be back for good."

By the surprisingly easy exchange between Tsunade and Hiashi, it could indeed be surmised that news of the Houous arrival had stretched beyond them. The question that was brought up in Naruto's mind was that of why the Hyuugas, knowing of their arrival, had basically put out the welcoming mat as if it were a given. His adopted mother seemed to assume that she'd be welcomed by the Hyuugas as well. He pondered this as he walked slowly past traditional houses kept immaculately clean and proper on each side, still holding his mother's hand. The one story structures bespoke of either pride, wealth, or a healthy mix of both. His speculation didn't last long, as he halted it in favour of gawking at the large building that they were being led to enter.

-  
x-Inside-x

Naruto sat uneasily at the low table, legs folded underneath him. His mother sat beside him. The stony faced man and who Naruto guessed was his daughter sat on the opposite side. "Kaa-chan…" he whispered to the side, "why did Nee-chan have to wait outside?"

"She's not a Houou…" Tsunade answered, as if that explained anything at all. She didn't seem to particularly care that she was carrying on a private conversation in front of their hosts, which were being ignored.

"So?" Naruto prompted. His face screwed up in confusion. "Are we some high-class family or something?" he asked sarcastically.

Tsunade's eyebrow rose delicately as if to mock such a question. "I've adopted you as my son, you know. That means your great-grand-father was the first Hokage and founder of Konoha." She reminded. "Your great-grand-uncle was the second Hokage." Tsunade continued listing flatly "Your grandfather was the most successful apothecary in history, and your beloved Kaa-chan is the patron of modern medical theory that doubles as a ninja on the Kage level"

Leaning closer, Tsunade peered at her son as she spoke flatly. "So what do you think? Are we a prestigious family?"

Oh shit! Naruto hadn't thought of it like that. Everyone knew that his adopted mother was the first Hokage's grand-daughter, but he'd never paid it any mind… Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! His great-grandfather founded the damn village! His mother's work had saved thousands of important lives! He had a damn legacy to uphold! Were his clothes straight enough? Were they white enough? Did he comb his hair today? Did he ever comb his hair? Crap, he didn't! Quick: look noble!

Seeing her poor adopted son sweat bullets and give Hiashi a run for his money in the rigid posture department, Tsunade spoke up. "Relax, Naru-chan, your great-grandfather made sure we wouldn't become a clan. The Houous are just a little famous to some people… it's not like you'll have clan head responsibilities or anything" Looking at Naruto, she sighed seeing her words having little effect. Different tactic. "Besides, your great-grandfather would have already been proud of how you've lived your life until now. You don't have to worry" she informed, ruffling Naruto's oddly fluffy hair.

"Really?" he asked dubiously.

"Yes: really" Tsunade grinned, seeing the tension ease out of Naruto's posture as he seemed come to terms with the revelation. "Now get back to being the annoying brat I love so much."

Naruto, fears abated, now bristled at the tease. Shooting his mother an annoyed look, he scolded her. "I'd insult you back Kaa-chan, but our ancestors up in heaven would be disappointed if I sunk to your level" he informed factually. Then pointedly ignored his mother's prescience all-together and turning to his host. "Could I please have a cup of tea as well, Hiashi-sama?"

Hiashi, similarly ignoring Tsunade's insulted expression, motioned for his daughter to begin pouring the tea. "Of course, Naruto-sama."

"WAIT!" Tsunade interrupted, having recovered from Naruto's backhanded insult. "You brat, what did you say about 'sinking to my level'?"

With his mother's arm suddenly wrapped around his neck, Naruto's head was pulled in closely to her ample chest in a headlock. It was a position many men dreamed of, but Naruto only knew fear. "Let go of me, you barbarian!"

All right, that did it. "Vengeful Mother's Secret Technique: Noogie of Instant Humiliation!"

"GAH! There were even handseals this time!" Naruto cried in disbelief before the Noogie session began with a vengeful force.

x-later-x

Hiashi had quickly gotten used to tea with the Houous, which was decidedly different from tea with anyone else. They would be the picture of quiet nobility one moment, but were prone to short bursts of rancorous insults or general tussling. Once whatever argument they suddenly had was just as abruptly resolved, they instantly returned to their polite and dignified veneers. Seeing this, Hiashi didn't have any major problems with the odd behaviour. It was even mildly entertaining. "You may not be a clan," Hiashi lectured, "but you are a family of greatness. The nobility, ability and intelligence shown by your forefathers are something that the Hyuugas have always respected. They accomplished great things."

"I see…" Naruto mumbled, "then you don't mind me being the Kyuubi's container, just because I'm also a Houou?"

Hiashi took a moment to get over his surprise. The boy revealed his secret status as the Kyuubi container quite easily. "Yes. Whatever would be subtracted from you in our eyes is more than made up for in your dignified family name."

"I understand…" Naruto nodded slowly.

"The Hyuuga have a long history with the Houous" Hiashi continued. He felt the need to ease the mind of this child, though he knew not why. "I'll say it again: the Houous will always be welcome at the Hyuuga compound. Though for now at least, you two are the last remaining Houous in this life."

Naruto was silent. It was a kind offer: to always be welcomed somewhere. A great promise. But whether the rest of the Hyuugas would abide by that promise –and if so: to what extent– would have to be seen later.

"Hiashi-sama," Tsunade prompted over her tea cup, "I'm going to need to talk to Sarutobi-sensie today. Please look after Naruto for me."

"Of course" Hiashi responded as if it were a given. "Though that raises a question: where are you planning to take up residence, Tsunade-hime?"

Good question. Her old house would be a wreck from over a century of neglect. For the moment, she'd been planning to stay at a hotel.

"Because…" Hiashi led in, "the Houous will always be welcome at the Hyuuga complex" He informed once again: with a new undertone this time.

Tsunade's eyebrow quirked upwards as if to say "you're serious?" "Thank you Hiashi-sama. I'll tell Shizune to unpack." An offer without an offer. Nothing new from the Hyuugas. She didn't really mind the game of words. The game of putting up fronts to show one's strengths while strategically hiding one's weaknesses. Listening to what is said, and what is not said. Speaking in curves and implications, instead of direct statements, all the while watching your opponent like a hawk. Trying to wheedle inside their brains with a wedge of polite inquiry. It was like riding a bike for her: it was easy to play that game even after all this time.

But hell, that didn't mean she wanted to get used to it.

Didn't mean she wanted Naruto to get used to it either.

"I'm off kid" Tsunade informed, standing up. "I'll be back later."

"Yeah, right" Naruto said, sarcastically. He stood up as well. "I'm coming too!"

Tsunade made a disgruntled sound. "Just sit tight, brat. This is between Sarutobi-sensei and me. I'm leaving Shizune behind too. Just play with Hiashi's daughter or something. Or hell, help your sister unpack."

Tsunade breezed past her son. She was halfway through the door when his voice paused her movement. She glanced at him over her sholder.

Naruto's deep cerulean eyes met hers, looking like wells of deep understanding. And why not? He was her precious son, after all: No book-smart genius perhaps, but certainly no-one's fool if he could help it. "Just… tell me the important stuff later, okay?". If there's going to be news that concerns me, I want to know about it.

Tsunade's eyes flickered to the door and back to her son. Hiashi spied this as a sign of quick consideration and forethought. Tsunade let out a breath: not quite a sigh. "Fine, brat. If you're sure you can stay awake through it all". I'd like to protect you forever, but that's impossible even for me. I still think you're too young to be protecting yourself, even a little. But you're too young for a lot of the things you've done and dealt with so far. You'll manage: I know. But any mother would worry about what that would do to you as a person.

Naruto watched Haishi follow through the door after his mother; presumably to 'show her to the door'. He turned to Hiashi's daughter, who was still kneeling dutifully at the tea table. "Hey…" he began, but stopped short. Blinking, he realized that throughout one solid hour of polite conversation with side orders of tea and arguments, he hadn't ever gotten her name.

He shook the oddity off. "Hi, my name's Houou Naruto" he proclaimed. Whatever, he'd just re-introduce himself.

"U-Um…" the little girl stuttered. She was being put on the spotlight? She was deathly afraid of being the centre of attention. She had quickly learned that when she was the centre of any attention: she inevitably did something to drive her audience to hidden disgust. Steeling herself, she spoke for one of the few times since Naruto had met her. "H-Hyuuga Hinata"

"Cool, let's go play!"

"E-Eh?" Hinata was startled by the sudden outburst.

Naruto, in turn, shot her a flat look. What was there to be confused about? Did this girl not know how to play? Looking at her, she was pretty small. And dressed in that kimono: she reminded him of a doll. In fact, could she even run in that kimono? Whatever. He continued to drag the Hyuuga heiress into the garden area. "Let's play hide and seek!"

-  
x-Hyuuga Complex: Central Garden-x

Naruto had someone to play with, as well as a place that would let him stay indefinitely in a village that might just end up being his home for a long time. Taking care to keep an eye out for signs of un-acceptance from the Hyuugas, he found none. Could he really stay here and not be glared at? Very cool. Things were looking up!

"Okay, I'll be 'it' first! You just go hide and I'll count to twenty over by that big tree, okay? Go!"

-  
x-Hyuuga Complex: Interior-x

From an overlooking window at her bedside, Hyuuga Hiatari gazed upon her daughter happily. It was both unprecedented that she would have a new friend; and that she would be playing in the main garden with that new friend. Slowly, she felt her heart bubble with a relieved happiness that rose through her chest and –upon reaching her eyes– brought tears thereof. She let them fall. And the happiness remained with her, even as the scene gradually disappeared behind a descending curtain of darkness. She would be afraid that the world was fading away from her view so unstoppably, but for now there was a very clear image of her daughter running around for a place to hide, and with that warm thought to cloak her mind with, fear could not touch her – for now.

-  
x-Hyuuga Complex: Central Garden-x

"Ha! Found you!" Naruto declared victoriously. He pointed a finger at the Hyuuga heiress and grinned. "It's your turn to be it now." He hadn't played this game in a while. It was a good game.

"Did…" Hinata started hesitantly, still crouched behind her bush. "Did I fail?"

"What?" Naruto blinked. "Fail? What are you talking about?" He seemed to take a while to seriously muse this over. "Is it possible to fail 'hide and seek'? I don't think so…" he mused briefly. "No" he concluded. "It's not possible to fail 'hide and seek'. I'm pretty sure it's just a game."

"I didn't… fail?" Hinata asked, almost hesitantly.

Naruto just shot her a look. "Stop asking silly questions, already! You can fail to play well, but you can't fail 'hide and seek'. You play it for fun. You're having fun right?"

After a brief period of consideration: hesitantly, Hinata shook her head.

"The hell?" Naruto exclaimed loudly. "You're not having fun?" he asked incredulously. The concept itself took a while to sink in. "YOU FAIL! Completely! Put more effort into it!"

Hinata 'eep-ed' and scurried over to the tree Naruto had been at earlier.

"Now COUNT!" Naruto demanded, reminiscent of a drill sergeant.

"O-One… T-Two…" Hinata stuttered, diligently covering her eyes with both hands.

"No..." Naruto ground out. "COUNT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"

"O-One!" Hinata cried. "T-Two!"

-  
From a carefully unnoticeable location off to the side, Hiashi watched the exchange with a piqued interest.

x-sixteen 'counts' later-x

"Nineteen! Twenty!" Hinata finished. She looked around. It was her turn to find Naruto.

Tentatively beginning her search, Hinata sheepishly checked several bushes only to find nothing. But wait! A gleeful snicker alerted her to what was probably Naruto's location.

Behind her?

Hinata's mouth fell slightly open in a show of surprise.

Naruto's eyes were gleaming victoriously as he clung harshly onto the one tiny, lone branch he'd managed to get up to. Odd thing was: the branch was on the big tree that was being used as the 'counting spot'. He'd hid behind the very tree Hinata had started counting at. He'd hid where no sane person would ever expect him to be. He was so clever! Devious, in fact! He could not contain his glee, and cackled out loud.

"U-Um, Naruto-sama… I found you" Hinata informed.

"What?" Naruto paused his cackling. "How?" He demanded, still hanging from the tree-branch with both hands.

"Um, you s-snickered…" Hinata mumbled, embarrassed and hesitant. "And then you… c-cackled evilly…"

"Damn" Naruto swore. "It's always the cackle."

_CRACK!_

Naruto needn't have concerned himself. If his snicker hadn't alerted Hinata to his presence, the much abused tree branch snapping – which he'd been hanging from for some five minuets - would have.

"Ow…" Naruto rubbed his sore posterior. "My super-sly, devious plan of great sneakiness… ruined!" He lamented openly and with great enthusiasm. If only he could walk up the tree with chakra like his adopted mother and sister. Not for the first time, he cursed his inability to do so. The chakra control exercise somehow managed to elude him to this day.

Hinata, frankly, didn't know what to say…

"Oh well," Naruto perked up. "Moving along…"

"Wh-What?"

"It's my turn to be 'it' now!" Naruto informed.

"You're not m-mad?" Hinata asked timidly.

"Huh?"

"I f-found you…" Hinata stuttered. Would he be angry?

"…" Naruto looked at her. Really looked at her, and Hinata suddenly felt as if those blue eyes were far deeper than she'd ever remembered them being. "Did you have fun?" Naruto asked softly.

"…Y-Yes?" Hinata blinked, having been surprised by her own words. When had she started having fun? She didn't know. Somewhere between counting from the number sixteen to seventeen, she'd stopped stuttering. Somewhere between seeing Naruto snicker and then cackle, she'd learned to trust him. He really did only want to have fun. And he only wanted her to have fun, too. She could trust him… not to look down at her with disappointed eyes. She somehow felt very, very sure of that.

"Well, as long as you're having fun… then no, I'm not mad" he grinned, eyes glinting. Hinata had to squeeze her eyes shut because at that moment, the sun had seemed kiss his hair, seeming to make him shine in it's golden light – just for a second. "Okay, I'm going to count! Be ready for it! One, Two…"

Hinata broke out of her daze and 'eep-ed' before scurrying off to find somewhere to hide. She did not know it, but a small, childish smile slipped onto her lips.

"… Nineteen, Twenty! Ready or not, Hinata-sama, here I come!"

* * *

_Omake_

Shizune's nose twitched. Instantly, she dropped the insanely large scroll that contained her mentor's backup supply of sake. Her eyes crossed comically as she peered at the twitching nose intently. It was her secret weapon against the forces of evil. Over the years, she'd found that whenever her precious otoutou was being corrupted or swearing more than was forgivable, her nose would twitch. It was her equivalent of a sixth-sense, but oh, so much more reliable. Now how she always managed to get from wherever she was to wherever Naruto was quickly enough to stop the proceedings… well, that was just a damn mystery.

_ZOOM!_

"**#$+-#$#!**" Naruto swore openly, causing his playmate to blanch and cover her mouth in shock. "**-#$#$#!**" He continued. He'd fallen from the damn tree for the sixth time! And this time he fell on a large rock! He was going to have to numb the pain with a jutsu, how ridiculous was that? Taking a deep breath, he was on the verge of beginning another lengthily list of swear words he'd picked up from his adopted mother.

It was then that the temperature plummeted. Oh – Shit. He spun just in time to see Shizune tower above him and Naruto could swear he could almost see the outline of either an undertaker or an incensed legal-court judge.

"**O-TOU-TOU!**" She bellowed darkly.

Oh boy, Shizune was pissed. It was all that damn rock's fault! Angrily, he glared at the offending object, which only sat there innocently, of course. In his mind, he cursed it and promised to haunt it from beyond the grave.

"I can't believe that you–!"

The horror! Naruto's mind screamed out in suffering as he had no choice but to sit through what must have been his adopted sisters own personal version of hell. For two solid hours, he was lectured angrily. How she could even keep yelling at him for that amount of time was yet another mystery that would remain unsolved for all time.

But alas his weak heart. He could not run. His love for his sister added a dull sting to her words and kept him chained firmly in place: the bond stronger than steel. Damn that rock! Even now it still sat there, playing the innocent. Its blank surface mocked him, his numbed mind insisted. It mocked him!

x-two hours later-x

Naruto kneeled, panting. His mind was numb and his energy was somehow exhausted just from living through that hell. Such... terrifying power. His adopted sister's rant was something that should be classified as an S-Rank technique. Nothing could stop its terrible might.

Shizune let loose a long, resigned sigh. "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun" she admitted. She looked it, too. "I was too hard on you, forgive me?"

Having just lived through hell, Naruto was tempted not to forgive her so easily. Alas, his weak heart. "It's okay, Nee-chan. I'm sorry too. I just fell on this rock and…" and where normal kinds might say "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" or make hissing, pained noises without consciously wanting to, Naruto had been exposed to large amounts of swearing –on purpose. And so "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" was replaced by colourful expletives of varying degrees of inappropriateness.

Naruto proceeded to reiterate his tale. And afterwards, Shizune nodded emphatically, she knew where the true blame lay. She felt slightly ashamed for exploding on her precious otoutou like that, though she knew it wasn't really his fault. She couldn't help herself; the true culprit was not somewhere that she could currently scold her at. But of course, it was only a matter of time until Tsunade returned home to commence with the 'real' scolding.

"I'll make it up to you, Naruto-kun, I promise. How about you two take a break for some Ramen?"

Ah, wonderful, sweet Shizune. Was it any wonder he could not have run away? "Come on, Hinata-chan, we'll have a Ramen-eating contest!" he proclaimed.

"Ch-Chan?" Hinata stuttered, voice small. It had just gone from "-sama" straight to "-chan"!

"Well…" Naruto scratched the back of his head. "We already play together, right? I can't keep calling you Hinata-sama…"

Hinata rolled over this idea in her head. It didn't necessarily seem normal, but Naruto clearly had his own way of seeing things. "Th-Then… N-Naruto…-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"N-Nothing, I just wanted to say your name…" Hinata mumbled, overcome with a blush. That hadn't sounded right at all! "I-Is "-kun" okay?"

"Of course! I already told you to stop asking silly questions, didn't I?"

_End_

* * *

It is possible for rumour to travel faster than a person can walk, especially if the rumor were treated more like critical information. It would still be very unusual, though.

I made mistakes concerning Kakashi's dad. The correction has been plugged in, but there is more information that needs to be put out there: Due to his abandonement of his mission, many lives were lost during the war that was waging at that time.

The forced Seppuku was to regain his honor.

Seppuku is a Japanese ritual form of suicide. It has actually been preformed and been commanded to be preformed, though that was with Samurai. The ninja equivilent is called Hara-kari.

I'm fairly sure that the Hyuuga clan members live in thier own little area of Konoha.

"-hime" is added to a name much like "-san" and "-chan", ect. It's used for princesses. Though Tsunade is not a princess, she is still called this sometimes, perhaps because of her relations, or perhaps because some people were so afraid of her and didn't want to take any chances in not grovelling enough.

The Sho-daime or Shodaime is the same as the First Hokage.

The Ni-daime or Nidaime is the same as the Second Hokage.

The San-daime or Sandaime is the same as the Third Hokage.

The Yon-daime or Yondaime is the same as the Fourth Hokage.

Counting to four in Japanese: Ichi/Sho, Ni, San, Shi/Yon.

I made a mistake with the Shodaime's name. "Sho" is the formal form of "One", and is used at the start of a long list of things. I used to have Ichidaime, but Shodaime is correct.

Tsunade really is the Shodaime's granddaughter.

The Nidaime was the Shodaime's brother, if I'm not mistaken. Thus, Tsunade's grand-uncle.

Tsunade's father's history was made up by me. He isn't really mentioned in the show to my knowledge.

The name Hiatari was also constructed by youre's trully. She's Hinata's mother and once again, I don't think she's mentioned in the show. Hiashi means "position of the sun" or "daytime", Hinata means "in the sun" or "sunny place". So I picked the name of Hinata's mother as Hiatari, which means "exposure to the sun" or "sunny place".

"Hide and Seek" is a game that's sometimes played by children, for any that don't know it. It's about what you'd think it is

How Naruto will be paired is yet a mystery. If I knew -and I'm not saying that I don't- I still wouldn't tell you.

I felt horrible about the mistakes with Shodaime and Kakashi's father. Thanks for the information, as always, guys.

Working at summer camp was painful for several reasons, but I survived.

"Thank you" to all those that have showed interest in my story up until now. I've come to be proud of my story and myself just a little more than before.

This was a bit rushed. Not by much, but I wanted to get something out. We are all just fortunate that I couldn't stay for the second week of camp chef duty.

Please Review.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 5

Life at the Hyuuga Complex

_And so, the Houous set themselves up for residency at the Hyuuga sector, taking a small and unused house for their own. Of course all Hyuuga houses were high-class, so there were few complaints on the choice on either side. Naruto continued to play with Hinata, glad to have a steady playmate in her. And Hiashi let them play, even in the face of his daughter loosing a few precious hours of training. To him, the act was seen as an investment. That much was clear among the adults. Though whether his aim was to strengthen relations with the remaining Houous, or whether it was in the vain attempt of winning the war against Hinata's inherent hesitancy and self-depreciation was a speculation that none could take a firm stand on. Naruto himself was either oblivious to the middle-aged man's ulterior motives or he just didn't care. It was most likely the former, for despite Naruto's extended stay at the Hyuugas, he managed to remain spectacularly unaware of certain things. Missing Hiashi's alternative motive ranked about fourth or fifth on that particular list. _

"Hey Hinata-chan…" Naruto mumbled one afternoon.

Hinata turned from her calligraphy: merely another of those things that she was expected to practice – and like it. "Yes?"

"Um, well…" Naruto scratched the back of his head. An act that his friend had quickly discerned as a sign of mild embarrassment. "It's been bothering me for a while, but it's just that well…"

Was this really Naruto? Hinata could scarcely reconcile the hesitant undertone in her new friend's voice with the loudly outspoken youth that she'd gotten to know over the past weeks. In a way, finding that even Naruto could sound like this gave her hope for herself. She smiled a little at the prospect. "What is it Naruto-kun?"

Naruto took a deep breath, do or die time. As if a great dam busted within him, Naruto's next words blurted forwards. "Why do you have such weird eyes?"

"Thud!" sounded Hinata's brush as it met with the floor, the heiress's easy hold on it failing after the arm holding it – still raised in the forth stroke of her kanji, fell loosely to her side. The long, ruining mark of ink that was dragged behind went unseen as Hinata stared at Naruto, her silhouette frozen in shock.

"E-Err… sorry!" Naruto apologised, feeling he'd crossed some kind of line.. "I shouldn't have asked! It's obviously some mistaken mutation beyond your control and, er…. w-well, anyways, they're not that weird, really. And…" Noting that Hinata's form wasn't getting any less statue-like, Naruto was starting to panic. He'd broken her! Shizune was right: girls really were sensitive to these things! "Sorry?" He tried.

"N-Naruto-kun, y-you really don't know about–" Once more regressing to stuttering, whatever Hinata was attempting to convey was interrupted by a newcomer.

"Ah, Hinata-sama, Naruto-sama, am I interrupting anything?" A white-eyed boy asked politely as he entered the room.

Naruto silently thanked the stranger for giving him a legitimate out from the awkward situation. "Ah he he. No, not really…" Naruto replied. "What's up?"

My father has asked me to test your mettle. Neji almost said aloud, the words of his father yet echoing inside his head.

_x-Flashback-x_

"_Neji!"_

"_Yes father?"_

_Hyuuga Hizashi trailed a speculative eye over his son. His pride. The boy was a genius, there were no two ways around that fact. The child's gift with the Byakugan notwithstanding: he was also a genius in every other aspect as well. The boy soaked up Jyuuken techniques like a sponge and his analytical and decision making skills were far above his level. A true prodigy. He'd none of the… failings of Hiashi's daughter. None of the weakness. And he was still both polite and kind: a perfect son. Any father would be proud._

_Perhaps it was the greatest source of pride left in his life. After being allocated to the branch-family and having the accursed seal placed upon his head: his fate had been sealed. Forever was he at the main branch's mercy, his brother's mercy. It was a trend that would continue until his death day. And why? A few seconds difference? They had been twin brothers – equals at one time. He bared his pain silently, but when it became apparent that his offspring had been so much more gifted than his brother's, his pain had increased seven-fold under the weight of his resentment. What 'could have been' taunted him. Neji… was so fit to be the next head of the Hyuuga: he had everything that Hinata was lacking and more. Yet he could give his son nothing of what he truly deserved – it was all being given to another. It was almost a joke: a cruel prank played by the gods of fate. And one day soon, Neji too would be branded forever with the cursed seal of the branch-family. All this he had to bear while pretending that he deserved no better? _

"_Neji, are you aware of Tsunade-sama's arrival?" The elder Hyuuga finally asked._

"_Yes father, I heard about it last week."_

"_She has a son only a year younger than you, who has –like you– been training from a young age. I want you to challenge him to a spar. Check his progress, and your own" Hiashi smiled, "there is no one left to challenge you within your own age group, after all."_

"_Hai, father!" Neji said, smiled, and turned to walk out towards his newest challenge._

"_And Neji" Hizashi interrupted. "Do your best." For only through you are there any ways to gain victories – small and neglected though they would be – against the main-house: against my brother._

"_Yes father" Neji said, interest newly dulled. His father's face just now had a hint of something else. A shadowy overcast dwelt within his father's eyes, signal of a harsh, 'adult' world that existed in one's mind. A world that very few children sought out to bring into their sunny days of open fields and clear skies. "I'll do my best."_

_x-End Flashback-x_

"Naruto-sama, my name is Hyuuga Neji" Neji bowed formally. "It's an honour to make your acquaintance."

"Sure, likewise" Naruto responded. No need for formalities, this guy couldn't be that much older than him, right? "What's up?"

Neji glanced between Naruto, who seemed nervous about something, and Hinata who seemed dumbfounded by something. Was he really not interrupting anything? "I'm here to challenge you to a spar"

x-Hyuuga Complex: Central Garden-x

Hinata could not help but notice the perfection in motion as Neji took up his stance. His arms were spread out perfectly in front and behind him, the front arm slanting upwards from the ground, and the arm behind continuing that trend. His weight was resting primarily on his right leg as his left stretched out before him.

Hinata easily noticed the form as one that could easily flow into either close-combat offence or defence. It's only weaknesses were to back-attacks and being surrounded by the foe. It was a favourite for one-on-one battles among the higher-ups on the Hyuuga power scale. Naruto, on the other hand, stood loosely with no semblance of form whatsoever. With a sinking feeling, Hinata realized that Naruto had no idea exactly what kind of opponent he was up against.

Time passed as the two combatants stayed neutral in their small, grassy arena.

She was just about to give her friend some kind of warning when it happened.

The complete silence of the scene was broken, a subtle splash being heard clearly by the combatants. Naruto's eyes tracked the slender blue fish as it made a small leap out of the small pond it inhabited. His eyes elsewhere, the soft tap, tap, tap of feet was the only warning he received: Naruto's eyes snapped back to his quarry, who'd already closed the distance by half. With an internal swear of 'Damn!' Naruto's eyes slid shut as he concentrated on what he could sense of his opponent's chakra in preparation for the first strike.

There! Naruto's eyes snapped open, his body already side-stepping open-handed strike of his opponent. But it was not possible fro Jyuuken to over-extend or leave the user suffering from any significant recovery time due to his own failed attacks, and Naruto found himself with no room for a counter-attack as the succession of offensive blows continued. His eyes were telling him one thing, but his chakra-sense was saying something significantly different. When forced to choose between the two, his decision hadn't taken a second. Naruto bent his knees and batted away the striking arm from inside Neji's guard. All he could immediately tell was that those fingers were dangerous.

Neji was in was trapped somewhere between excitement, terror, and complete awe. Never before had he ever heard of someone choosing to dodge the opening move with his eyes _closed_, and then step _inside_ their opponent's guard in order launch an effective _defence_. But his strikes were being battered away as quickly as he could launch them, with such impossible force that each attempt ended in his striking arm being thrown wide; the speed –the precious speed– of his assault suffering as a result. It was perhaps the only reason that Naruto's unexceptional taijutsu skill could keep up with his own offence. And Neji had no _choice_ but to stay on the offence, it was either that or go on the defensive against the raw power that Naruto displayed while inside his guard.

Hinata watched in a kind of horrified awe.

Naruto's thought process was a confused frenzy. His attention was not split evenly between combat and tactical analysis, it swung –like an erratic pendulum– between concentrating fully on countering what, to him, seemed like lightning fast blows and trying to figure some way out of this situation. His senses were working overtime. His hearing and chakra-sense working together to alert him to the general angle of attack shortly before the eyes could properly track it, and the rest was a frantic scramble. He'd knock a strike wide away, only to find his opponent's other hand halfway to his shoulder. A shift of the weight, step in again, past those dangerous fingertips, and he could deflect yet another attack in a seemingly never-ending assault. Rinse, dry, repeat. Here's the ten-million ramen-packet question: how long could he keep it up?

Neji was still struggling to deal with the situation which was completely unique to his world. He was constantly on the offence, but also constantly on the retreat: back stepping to get the room to launch another quick strike before Naruto once again closed the distance and defended. He'd been on the offence the entire battle and had never landed a hit, but arms stung with pain every time Naruto knocked one aside with a raw physical power he may have never seen the likes of and he was left wondering which would run out first: the strength in his arms, or the space behind him available for retreat.

His Byakugan gave him the answer: two steps of space left. Neji struck out with his left, the strike getting batted away like all the others. This time, Neji went with it.

The spinning sweep kick caught Naruto completely by surprise as he was sent falling backwards. Naruto struggled to keep his feet underneath him; he landed in a crouch rather than on his back, and sprung back to his feet. More surprising: Neji had come out of his sweeping kick into a stance that reminded him frighteningly of a coiled spring ready to release.

"Jyuuken!"

The Hyuuga prodigy landed five strikes on his opponent's torso. He hadn't the strength remaining in him to continue the combo but rather than go on the defensive, Neji ended in a thrusting palm-strike that sent Naruto sprawling backwards and out of counter-attack range. Options like that where what made Jyuuken one of the most feared taijutsu styles in the world.

Knocked off his feet once more, Naruto struggled back to his feet and slowly back stepped to increase the distance from his opponent. Something was wrong, his chakra-sense was telling him something was definitely wrong. With a sinking feeling: all the pieces came together. Naruto's eyes were disbelieving as he pulled down the collars of his jacket and shirt with his left hand to see the slight red points of inflation below his collarbone. "N-No way, you closed my tenketsu? You…" as the realization sunk in, Naruto could feel the moisture in his eyes as he tried to blink the tears back.

"You can form needles of chakra on your fingertips? You can even sense the location of tenketsu and close them?" His opponent suddenly seemed ten-times more skilled than he had previously. The level of chakra control and chakra sense to perform such things could only be imagined. Naruto didn't even feel his jealously: it was washed away in a sea of anger, some for his opponent, but most of it directed towards himself. This stranger was so far above him in his own field. "D-Damnit!" the words broke free from his emotionally-chocked throat as Naruto's left hand struck into the ground with all his frustration. "… What have I been doing… all this time?.!" The small tremor of the ground as he struck it went unnoticed by the blond as he didn't bother to remove his hand from it's imprint in the earth – or get up out of his kneel by it. "I've been working… working so **hard**, but you… you-!" Naruto's anger faded, not knowing what to do. All that was left was the pain. The desperation in his voice was evident "Am I really so hopeless after all? I trained all my life: while I was supposed to be asleep! While I was tired! While I was sick!"

Neji didn't know what to say. Did Naruto not know about Byakugan or Jyuuken? It seemed impossible, but at the same time, the only explanation that made sense. What about Jyuuken could have such an effect on the golden-haired youth? He tried to say something, but he couldn't find the words. "Naruto-sama…" Neji's eyes widened as a stray thought grabbed his attention and wouldn't let go. If Naruto didn't know about the Jyuuken, then how…? "You can sense the form of my chakra as I use Jyuuken?" To be able to sense something like that: such an accomplishment at such an age? It was not completely unbelievable, but to actually encounter such a thing…

"Don't look down on me!" Naruto growled as he stood angrily, his rage back with a vengeance. "Even if you're better, do you think that I can't even manage something like that? Don't get so high-and-mighty you bastard! _Who the hell_ do you _**think I am?**_"

Neji was more aware of the stinging in his arms than ever. He tried to raise them into the stance he'd used at the start of the battle, but the pain gave him pause. It was then that his first-class sight caught movement on one of the surrounding rafters. A shift of cloth: father? Neji bit back the pain as he shifted his body into the open-swallow stance for the second time that morning: picture-perfection once again. It was then that Naruto finished his angered speech, accenting the last word with the beginning of his thunderous charge, running full-tilt towards Neji's location – 'do or die' written in his eyes. Steeling himself, Neji sprinted forwards as well.

The distance quickly closed and Neji struck out with his right hand an open-palm strike to Naruto's left shoulder, but the strike only met with Naruto's own palm. Another shock registered in Neji's mind: his opponent had just chosen to sacrifice almost every tenketsu in his left palm. The reason why became apparent as the fingers quickly curled around his own – locking his arm in place.

"**Owari da!**" Naruto's angered growl of 'this is the end!' was the only warning Neji received before he was yanked forwards by the right arm - the one Naruto had locked in place - as his oppenent bent his knees and slammed an already cocked-back fist into his unguarded torso. The impact itself was such that it produced an audible 'boom' and sent Neji sailing into the large tree behind him, upon which, the Hyuuga child's flight was abruptly ended and the boy slumped down at the base of the tree, doubtful of his prospects of getting up to rejoin the fight again.

Neji glanced up to see his opponent already standing before him, left hand hanging limply by his side – all but useless, the right hand still clenched tightly in a fist. "It's my loss" the Hyuuga consented, his mind still reeling from the blow. But even as his mind reeled, it demanded that his opponent's right fist deserved further attention. Externally: first degree burns? And internally: though he'd only closed the tenketsu in Naruto's left hand, the chakra lines in the blonde's right hand had been nonetheless been damaged by… something. Perhaps it had to do with the bright flash his Byakugan detected just before impact? Neji deactivated the Byakugan and struggled to get up and converse with the victor properly. "Naruto-sama…"

"Stay still" Naruto interrupted as he kneeled down, his anger exhausted for the time being. "I've broken one of your ribs. I can do the bandaging and binding, but my chakra-coils are too damaged to do the rest: It'll be up to Nee-chan." Tusnade didn't personally heal anyone unless it was Naruto, one of the injured animals Naruto brought home, or she was being paid – a lot.

"You know…" Naruto said reluctantly as he removed Neji's under-shirt and placed his right hand on his chest, slowly leaking his chakra into the injured boy's system, seeking out the broken rib that was doubtlessly floating around in his patient's chest area. "…with your skills, Neji-san... you could make," Naruto struggled to force the admission past his lips, "a great medic-nin. Maybe, the… best of our generation."

Neji winced: bracing for the pain that he was sure would come.

He was happily disappointed. Blinking, he was noticed that though the feeling of something moving around inside his chest was quite strange, it was no more painful than being pinched by marshmallows.

Now that the match was over, Hinata had scurried over to her friend's side, looking at her cousin with some concern. Noticing that Neji was strangely all right, despite having a broken rib, she turned to her friend and the issue that seemed to trouble him so. "Naruto-kun, you really don't know about the Byakugan? Our eyes…"

-  
_What followed was a ten-minute eye-opener about the Hyuuga and just what made them the most prominent clan in Konoha. It was Naruto's first personal encounter with a bloodline-limit, and it shook his world. The concept of such power being attained simply due to one's heritage felt wrong on many levels to the boy, who'd worked his hardest for every scrap of ability he'd ever acquired._

Naruto sat quietly, a significant change for him to say the least. He was contemplating what he'd just been told, but his revere was soon broken.

"Oy, brat!"

"Huh, Kaa-chan?"

Tsunade came to stand in front of Naruto, who stood up to meet her. Glancing slightly at Neji's prone form out of the corner of her eye, Tsunade formed seven handseals too quickly for the children to follow and slapped her palm onto Neji's chest and slipped a post-it note onto his forehead (read: no strenuous exercise, two weeks.) in a very 'I'm barely paying attention to what I'm doing' attitude. The whole time, she hadn't looked away from her son.

Neji blinked. Today was an odd day, he kept meeting godly medics. "Tsunade-sama, arigat–"

"Whatever, kid. You're healed so get out of here already" the sannin made a 'shoo'-ing gesture. "You too, Hinata, I need to talk to the kid."

The two Hyuuga's were quick to comply, they knew not to mess with the woman. Soon the mother and son pair was alone. "So," Tsunade took up her son's right hand in both of hers and examined it, "you used 'it'?"

Naruto's gaze fell to his feet. "Yes," he mumbled, "but I still can't do it properly."

"Look at me, Naru-chan" Tsunade demanded. "Don't underestimate that technique's difficulty, even sharingan masters have tried to copy it and failed. You'll be the second person in history to use it, because you're the only one I've taught it to."

"Even Nee-chan can't?"

The mother shook her head; her voice took on the patient explanatory tone that all good mothers keep in reserve. "Shizune just wants to be a medic-nin. If she never sees another battlefield she'll be happy, so what does she need 'freakish strength' for? Besides: she was my apprentice, and you're my heir – there **is** a difference."

Naruto chuckled, almost embarrassed.

Moving right along, Tsunade came to the main reason she was out here. "Anyway, I came to talk to you, kid. Me and Shizune will be working on a tough case for a few weeks, so you probably won't see us around…"

"Tough case?" Naruto echoed.

"Hinata's mother."

Naruto was shocked and concerned all at once. "What! That's horrible! You have to do something! **I** have to do something! Does Hinata-chan know? **We need to do something!**"

"Shut up!" Tsunade yelled, pounding her fist into the top of her adopted son's head. "Calm down already, you noisy brat! You're giving me a headache: yes it's horrible, I **am** doing something, you don't get to help, Hinata knows, and no we don't _need_ to do anything but I somehow got stuck agreeing to help her…"

"What," Naruto deadpanned, "you owe her money?"

_POUND!_

Naruto peeled himself off of the floor… again. "You know, I could file for both child abuse and malpractice" he glared, "I'm still injured, damnit! Restrain yourself, woman!"

_TWHACK! _

You would almost think Naruto was going for some kind of obscure record. "Ow! You're no help at all!" he complained. "I'll heal my own painfully injured hands, thank you very much!"

"Oh shut up, you insolent brat! Keep your mouth closed and you'll live longer!"

Naruto, opting to avoid further punishment for now, sighed and dropped the argument. "So how did you 'get stuck' agreeing to help Hinata-chan's mom?"

Tsunade dropped the argument as well. "Hiashi grovelled" she shrugged. "…a lot. And I knew you'd blow up at me if I turned it down. Besides, I wouldn't call her my friend but… she's an acquaintance, at least."

"…" Naruto said nothing. His mind had frozen at "Hiashi grovelled". Wasn't that an oxymoron or something? He was sure there was some rule that you couldn't use "Hiashi" and "grovel" in the same sentence…

Tsunade hadn't let go of her son's injured hand yet. She bet down at the waist and looked the boy in the eye seriously. "That's right Naru-chan, he grovelled – pitifully. He broke down and cried" she clarified pointedly. "This is also an important lesson of being a medic-nin, don't forget it. It doesn't matter how strong they are on the battlefield: because when their family, friends, or loved ones are on the hospital bed, they can't do a damn thing to help. Fathers, mothers, sisters, and lovers will turn to you to keep the light in their lives and their loved ones by their sides. Do you understand?"

Naruto nodded slowly. When his mother said it like that… the concept of the stony-faced Hyuuga grovelling was not so hard to believe.

Tsunade sighed regretfully. "You're not going to be just a medic-nin, Naru-chan. You're going to be the son and heir of 'the legendary Tsunade: miracle healer. The medic-nin that can cure _anything_'. People have that image of me, Naru-chan, and they'll expect the same of you once you're training is over. The worst cases that everyone else would give up on will be brought to you, and you'll be expected to do something about it. "

Naruto nodded, "I get it…" yet another dimension was added to idea of being a medic-nin. Layers upon layers, there were always new aspects to consider.

"Good," Tsunade placed a light kiss on her adopted son's forehead, "let's go inside and treat that injury of yours."

"Yeah" Naruto agreed, and as the mother-son pair headed inside; a question bred of his insecurities popped into Naruto's head. "Hey, Kaa-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you… know anyone that became strong without a special ability?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Of course" the sannin said as she slowly traced her index-finger through the air. For a second, Naruto thought his adopted mother would point at herself, but the finger kept moving along it's course and pointed off to the distance.

Squinting against the glare of the afternoon sun, Naruto gulped as the finger came to rest while clearly pointing towards rightmost corner of the Hokage monument: clearly visible even from this distance.

"Well, there's always your biological father, Yondaime certainly started out with no special talent at all," Tsunade smirked "And of course, there's one more that comes to mind…"

"Yeah? Who?"

Using the same index finger, Tsunade poked her son's forehead playfully, "don't sell yourself short, brat. It doesn't suit you."

"W-Whatever" Naruto blustered.

x-scene change-x

"Father, I've returned" Neji announced, entering his father's room.

"I see, and the results?" Hizashi asked in an all business tone.

Neji shook his head. "A complete loss on my part. Naruto-sama's fighting is incredible, it's as if he does not know fear. His tactics were swiftly made and executed without any hesitation at all. He did not flinch once, despite the dangerous situations he put himself in." The white-eyed boy paused briefly to collect the words for his next sentence. "His senses were razor-sharp, and his power was overwhelming. Though, it's strange: his taijutsu skill itself was very… basic. But in the end, I was disabled with a single blow" Neji couldn't stand it, he focused on the floor: too ashamed to look his father in the face.

Hizashi sighed through his nose. That was just another reason to be proud of his son: he never made excuses. "You fought well" the father recounted factually. 'It's just that sometimes your best isn't enough' the man almost said aloud: but Hizashi would restrain himself from disenchanting his son's childhood. He was his precious son, after all. "You're young yet, Neji, the hand fate has in store for you has barely yet been revealed. That in mind: continue to work hard!"

"Hai!" the boy instantly beamed, he'd make his father proud. "But Father, Naruto-sama's last move still puzzles me…"

"Ah," Hizashi sounded in understanding, "so you caught that with your Byakugan? It was the secret technique of Tsunade-hime herself, which combines with her physical strength to produce a monstrous impact. Maximum amounts of chakra is molded and then concentrated in the fist and released in an instant. You should understand that the version Naruto-sama used was incomplete, and the power was weakened and he injured himself. If Tsunade-hime used that technique in her prime, even Hokage-sama would have trouble surviving a single blow. It is no shameful loss, and while you have suffered defeat for the first time against a peer, you've also gained an acquaintance. In fact, I believe I hear him outside right now…"

Neji glanced stood and looked out the near window: indeed, Naruto was once more playing hide-and-seek with Hinata.

Hizashi smiled, "…why don't you join them?" even if it meant spending time with **Hiashi's** daughter. Hizashi's Byakugan did not lie, and right now he could see clearly for the first time in a long time, that he'd been pushing Neji far too hard lately.

Neji blinked, "Really? Hai!"

* * *

_Omake_

_There was always, of course, Naruto's outfit and the story behind it._

"Hmmm" Tsunade mused, observing her adopted son with a critical eye. "Yes, it will do."

Naruto stood in front of a full sized mirror, looking thoroughly miserable in his new long-sleeve jacket and unadorned pants. He felt stifled. He felt so... _uninteresting_. "Kaa-chan, what the hell is this? It's seriously restricting!"

Tsunade snorted, "Wait until I write the movement restricting-genjitsu onto it."

"Heh, bring it on" Naruto only replied arrogantly.

"Naruto-kun, your arrogance is showing" Shizune chastised kindly

"Ah, gomen…" Naruto responded, properly scolded.

Looking at the outfit he was wearing, it was no wonder Naruto felt stifled. The long-sleeved jacket may not have been thick or particularly hot, considering how 'closed-up' it seemed fashion-wise, but the color scheme left a lot to be desired in his eyes. It was _pure_ white. And those painfully plain pants? Pure white! He was surprised they hadn't bleached his hair yet! Could he not get some color over here? A splash of blue? Even a measly speck? Oh, what he wouldn't do for some orange right now-!

"I look like a geek!" Naruto cried. "A complete geek!"

"What are you talking about?" Tsunade demanded. "It looks good on you!"

"Yes Naruto-kun," Shizune placated, "you look… scholarly"

"The cool, intellectual kind of scholarly?" Naruto sniffed. "Or… the geeky, doesn't know how to have fun, and is always reading a book kind of scholarly?"

"w-well…" Shizune's hesitation wasn't helpful to her case, "er…"

"I KNEW IT!" Naruto screamed in vindication, "I look like a geek!"

"Oh stop complaining!" Tsunade yelled. She'd had those clothes made especially for him! How dare he…

"Oh, just leave me alone!" Naruto yelled. "My life is already over!" he cried. "It wasn't enough for you to put that girly seal on my head, was it?" he demanded. "You just had to dress me up like a geek, too!"

"You're still complaining about that? It's been three years already, get over it!" Tsunade demanded. "That seal is for Genesis Regeneration, grow up and accept it!"

Shizune felt like crying. It was not just clothes, the argument was starting to branch out into other areas now as well. They were making such a scene!

"Genesis Regeneration is fine and all," Naruto grudgingly admitted. "But it turns into a diamond! A girly little diamond! At least make it a frog or a slug or something!"

Tsunade looked like she was going to be sick. "And you want me to listen to _your_ fashion sense? You idiot brat! If you had your way, our house would be one big, orange, animal farm!"

"Stop insulting the color orange!" Naruto demanded fervently

"Orange is stupid!" Tsunade yelled down at her son adamantly and with an alarming display of immaturity. "Orange is ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! It really is the ugliest color in the world!"

"Gah!" Naruto shook his fist. "At least my fashion sense doesn't make me look geeky!"

"It's 'scholarly', you idiot!" Tsunade shouted back. "At least **my** fashion sense doesn't make you look like a pumpkin!"

"Grr," Naruto growled, "how could you do this to me, Kaa-chan? I'm telling you: I really hate these clothes!" he yelled loudly

Tsunade flinched. "Y-You idiot! I spent two hours picking out the design myself!" she yelled angrily.

The two locked in an intense glaring contest. Both seemed hurt that the other wouldn't understand their feelings on the subject.

Soon, the glares broke, and the pair –oddly– left the store in silence after paying for Naruto's outfit.

Shizune trailed worriedly behind.

x-scene change-x

Shizune was worried, the two hadn't spoken much since their argument at the store. Surely, it wasn't unusual for them to fight or argue – they did it all the time. But this time seemed strangely different. Shizune could almost feel the pressure of unsaid words hanging in the air as if it were a tangible force.

Naruto walked into the living room, towel draped over his shoulders, and hair wet.

Looking up from the medical scroll she'd been reading, Tsunade spotted Naruto and his appearance visibly surprised her. "What are you doing brat?" she asked evenly. "If you just take a shower to get clean, don't wear the dirty clothes from before. It's common sense..."

Naruto looked down at his plain, white, 'geeky' outfit. "Well… I just got it today right? It's not really dirty, so…" Naruto paused, "so I'll just wear it again. I-It's not really that geeky anyway, I guess…"

Tsunade didn't know what to say. "Yeah? Well good" she seemed somehow uncomfortable. "T-Though thinking about it, a brat like you loves to wear holes in your clothes. We should probably… go shopping again tomorrow… or something…" she mumbled. "Maybe even grab… one or two orange things…"

"Orange?" Naruto asked.

"Well… if it's one or two…"

"Orange!" Naruto repeated, energetically.

"Now hold on brat!" Tsunade yelled. "One or two, I said!"

Was that it? Shizune mused. Did they want to just say "I'm sorry, you actually have a point"? She chuckled, what was she thinking? Sometimes, those words were the hardest to say. Either way, as long as those two reconciled already, then everything would be all right.

"ORANGE!" Naruto screamed with his arms raised gloriously to the ceiling: either just because he was actually that excited, or he simply wanted to piss his mother off more.

"One or two!" Tsunade demanded. "One or two, I say!" Damnit, she would be heard! "Don't you dare get carried away!"

_End_

* * *

Hyuuga Hizashi is Neji's father. 

Revision pointed out by a helpful reviewer has been plugged in: Hiashi is only older than his brother by a difference of **seconds**. They're _identical twins._

Genesis Regeneration is actually one of the English alias for Sōzō Saisei, a.k.a. that extreme self-healing seal on her forehead. Though I should probably use the literal translations "Creation Rebirth," or "Creation Regeneration", or perhaps even something like "Genesis Rebirth". I won't budge on this subject without a strong reason. I definitely want to call it Genesis Regeneration.

Owari da means something like This is the end or It's over

Gomen means sorry

By the way, I actually keep an updated chapter completion estimate (by number of words) on my author's page. It's kept accurate, though thinking about it, it may be a little useless. Thought I'd put the information out there anyway.

I'm a little excited about the next chapter.

Please Review. Of course, I always appreciate it.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing save for what I create myself

* * *

Chapter 6

Step by Step

_Life continued on for Naruto. His adopted mother and sister weren't around much, as Naruto had been informed. For weeks, the only contact he'd have with them would be brief meetings in the halls. Occasionally, they'd forgo eating in their research room – which Naruto was not allowed into – and take their meal at the table along with Naruto, Hinata, and Hiashi, as if they were actually civilized people and not ones that were tragically overworking themselves. Noting that it might not be safe, and factoring in her bare minimal trust in Konoha, Tsunade made very clear that she didn't want Naruto outside of the Hyuuga Complex for any reason._

Naruto mumbled incoherently as he stumbled towards the breakfast table, dressed and ready to go but still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "G'morning…"

Hinata smiled at her friend, already at the table. She restrained herself from giggling at Naruto's appearance – it wouldn't have been appropriate. "O-Ohayo, Naruto-kun. Are you… excited about today?"

"Today?" the sleepy boy croaked out. "Today is…" Naruto scrambled to remember: was there something important today? "Oh!" he suddenly shouted, looking for all the world as if he hadn't been the very image of a walking zombie previously. "It's **that** day! YES!" he cheered, bouncing over to the table.

Hinata giggled, as she usually ended up doing when Naruto was around. "Hai, it's Hero's Day" she informed.

Hero's Day. The biggest festival of the year: so named after the Yondaime Hokage, who had traded his life in to 'defeat' the terrifying Kyuubi no Kitsune. All of Konoha gathered to produce the liveliest gathering many would ever see, as if to bask in the joy of life which they had come so close to forfeiting to the Kyuubi those years ago.

Hinata's heart wrenched as her words had the opposite of their intended effect. It hurt to see Naruto's eyes reflect his shock before his 'hyper-happy' face slowly slid from that state to one of desperation, neutrality, and finally: one of resigned dejection. His right hand came up to stop just inches from touching the whisker-marks upon his cheek. It was as if the world was suddenly placed on his shoulders and he wasn't the least bit surprised that his burden would increase one-hundred fold.

Her fault. It was always her fault. Why could she just never do a single thing right? She had to try to cheer her friend up, somehow. "Y-You're the Yondaime's son and the container for Kyuubi. E-Everyone will probably be so happy to see you" she tried vainly to little result. "M-Maybe th-they'll give you free ramen, or…"

"Maybe" Naruto assented, though he didn't sound hopeful in the least if his subdued voice was any indication. "Hey, do you know if Kaa-chan or Nee-chan are coming to breakfast?" he asked, looking left and right as if expecting his adoptive family to walk down the halls at any second. "They should be here today…"

"Ah…" Hinata looked worried. "Breakfast was s-sent to their research room again…" The pair of high-end medics had holed themselves up in an unused room and had scarcely come out for food and washroom breaks.

"Oh…"

And so the minuets ticked past, Naruto saying nothing and Hinata following suit. The boy looking as if his day had been wrecked utterly, but that at least he could see his family at the breakfast table. Hinata wanted her friend to feel better, but was too sure that she could only make his day worse to try to cheer him on. So it was that Naruto was left to cope with his problem on his own.

"N-Narut-kun" Hinata finally managed. "A-Aren't you hungry?" he hadn't touched his food.

"No" the boy muttered, dulled eyes locked onto the tabletop. "You start eating; I'll eat with Kaa-chan and Nee-chan when they get here."

"N-Naruto-kun…" what could she say?

"Hinata-sama!"

"Huh?" the Hyuuga heiress spun in her seat to face the arriving branch-family member.

"The seamstress has arrived. I'm to escort you to her."

That's right, the seamstress appointment. It was for tonight's kimono. As she'd be helping represent the Hyuuga influence at the festival, the entire day had been allocated towards her getting dragged to outfitters and the like.

"Na-Naruto-kun, I'm sorry…" she apologized.

"No, it's okay. I'm just… going to keep waiting here" Naruto said, producing a forced smile, even as he remained clenching a portion of the tablecloth on top of the table in his firsts sub-consciously, as he'd been doing for the past hour "just in case they come after all."

_It was noon by the time young Naruto finally left the breakfast table. As a branch-familly member arrived and took up his breakfast-plate, replacing it with lunch, Naruto simply stood up and left without a word._

"So, they even made a festival…" Naruto mumbled, standing now in the Hyuuga Central Garden, before the very 'counting tree' that he'd become so familiar with. He didn't know why he'd ended up here, but he similarly couldn't think of anywhere else he could go at the moment.

They'd made a festival out of the day a demon had been sealed inside him, the day his biological father and mother had died, the day he'd been born. Somehow, the cold glares he knew awaited him outside the confines of the Hyuuga complex combined with the images of happy, normal families enjoying a happy, normal festival on this day… it was pissing the hell out of him.

_SLAM!_

The sound was that of his foot impacting the massive tree-trunk before him. He didn't know why he was doing this, maybe he was trying to prove something – but just what he didn't know. Naruto proceeded to walk up the tree in a vain attempt for what seemed like the thousandth time. Step after step, each slow step being a little more difficult than the last. Naruto was seven steps – his all time personal record – up the tree when he lost control. The boy didn't even bother to try landing on his feet and impacted flat on his back, staring dispassionately at tree-covered sky above him.

"Happy birthday… to me." He wouldn't have minded getting presents or congratulations, but he didn't really care either. He didn't need that. He'd just wanted to talk to his family at the breakfast table today: a piece of normalcy time together. He would have been so grateful, just for that.

Naruto didn't move from his position sprawled on the ground at the base of the counting tree. What was the point? Naruto let a stray leaf drift down to land on his forehead, where it started to itch. He paid it no heed. Looking rather impassive, he didn't move a single muscle. Because it doesn't matter who you are: sometimes your problems, people's expectations, uncertainties, and responsibilities, just pile up. One after the other, and you can pretend like it doesn't matter, but you secretly know it does. And so it is that the world just brings you down, and at that point you'll just feel so **tired** that you'll never want to get back up.

Naruto's gaze remained unfocused and ahead. In fact, he didn't so much as flinch at what happened next. Catching a swift movement within his peripheral vision, Naruto's right hand shot out and caught the falling object. His eyes slowly drifted towards the contents of his right hand and he was broken out of his stupor at last "…bird?"

Looking up, Naruto took note of the corresponding nest, then back at the bird he'd saved. "You're… learning how to fly, aren't you?" he spoke to the bird, as if he half-expected the creature to understand him. He stood up and put the suicidal avian on a nearby fence. "You're obviously too young to fly, you birdbrain" he informed. "You could be seriously injured, and–"

But the rest of Naruto's words became stuck in his throat as the little bird hurled itself off of the fence and started to flap its wings like it's life depended on it – which it probably did.

"You idiot bird" Naruto huffed, having caught the damn thing again. "Who do you think you're trying to impress? Your Kaa-chan probably can't even see you from where she is" he scolded, putting the bird once more on the fence, as he knew how much birds disliked staying on the ground. "Besides… what's the point? I'm telling you it's dang–"

The small bird's tiny chirp halted Naruto's speech as the strange thing went ahead and hurled itself off the fence **again**. Raw reflex was the only thing that let Naruto catch his plummeting acquaintance, as the boy was truly shocked. But as his thought process re-booted, a familiar glint entered the boy's eyes and suddenly, he was tired of **being tired. **What the hell was he doing? It took a second for Naruto to notice that he was chuckling.

"This has got to be a joke…" he muttered, looking at the ball of feathers. "outdone by a bird?" He suddenly snorted. "Yeah… right."

A fire was re-kindled within Naruto's heart, and it expanded and grew until it was the roaring bonfire that was accustomed to being there.

_SLAM!_

Naruto braced his right leg against the tree-trunk, keeping the young bird that he might deem a comrade tucked against his chest. "Try number... one-thousand **and one**". And with that, the birthday boy was off like a rocket.

Step after fierce step, the ascension transformed from a brisk walk into a dead run and Naruto never gave an inch he took.

_thud!_

_thud!_

_thud!_

_thud!_

"There!" with one last push, Naruto lighted upon the topmost branch of the counting tree, bird safely in-hand and feelin' good. Damn good. "Here you go" he practically chirped, depositing the bird into his nest of origin. Despite that fact that the idea of the tiny bird actually managing to fly should have been truly ridiculous, Naruto was yet only half-surprised when the little bird flung itself out of the nest once more and this time proceeded to, while struggling, fly. "heh… ha ha ha! …Go figure" he could only say, shaking his head in wonderment.

Watching the little bird's course of flight, Naruto's gaze got hitched at a certain point. While the central garden was indeed at the centre of the complex, it was also at the south end and beyond the wall before him, the sea of trees that the Hyuugas had around their complex seemed to call to the young boy. It was time to see for himself: the Konoha that he might one day come to call "home" for good.

"Ready or not, Konoha, here I come."

-

x-Hyuuga Complex: Unused Room (now Tsunade and Shizune's 'operating room')-x

Tsunade hissed as she slumped back into the comfy chair that she'd absolutely demanded be present. Of course it was disinfected and covered with a plastic cover that stopped it from releasing any particles into the air, but… it was a comfy chair nonetheless, and right now her back really, really needed a comfy chair.

Shizune slumped against a far wall, in a similar state to her mentor. "It's over" she tiredly declared, as if she couldn't believe it.

Tsunade nodded and rubbed her temples "finally".

Hiashi was kneeling by his wife's side, actual emotion on his face for a change. "Hiatari-chan…" he keened

Shizune almost fell over. Somehow, she still didn't expect Hiashi to use '-chan' even with only two other people in the room.

Tsunade sighed. "As I thought, we weren't able to remove it completely… she'll be fine for now, but this is a temporary fix at best."

Hiashi's back tensed, but he didn't turn from his wife's side. "How… how long?"

"At best? A little over one year"

"I… see" Hiashi said. "Thank you… for giving us the time you have" He still hadn't turned from his wife's side.

"The headaches will come back, along with the loss of sight, and everything else" Tsunade informed, standing up. "Your bloodline makes it hard to operate on the cranium… don't try for another operation, you hear?"

"I… understand" and again, the man did not turn.

"...We're leaving, Shizune!" Tsunade barked. Hizashi needed to be alone with his wife right now, and Tsunade needed to see her son and then get some much-needed sleep. Tsunade opened the door and frowned

Shizune shakily stood up, she was only the assistant and _she_ was still tired. Scampering over to her mentor's side, she was ready to head out and look for her otoutou but Tsunade's arm was suddenly before her, barring her progress. "Tsunade-sama?" she followed the sannin's frowning gaze to the floor, finding two plates of food. "Dinner?" she asked, sounding befuddled. She was hungry and both mentally and physically exhausted. Connections just weren't being made within her mind at any kind of speed.

"No" Tsunade answered. If anything, she was more exhausted than Shizune, but also more naturally perceptive to her environment. "Rolled omelette, rice, miso soup… fuck: this is breakfast."

"Wh-What?"

"We purposefully chose a closed off room which even light didn't penetrate. And worked through the goddamn night by accident" she ground out, she couldn't believe it. Of all the times for this to happen…

"But-!" Shizune sounded distressed, and suddenly wakeful. "But Naruto-kun!"

"Yeah" Tsunade growled "it's Naru-chan's birthday and we didn't even have **goddamn **breakfast together!" She said as she purposefully stepped over the cool breakfast and stormed down the Hyuuga halls, yelling in search of her son.

Shizune was not one second behind her in the task.

And so it was that the assistant medic ran smack-right into the back of her mentor when the woman suddenly stopped.

Tsunade, for her part, just glanced over her shoulder at her apprentice. "Shizune, did you get a look at the moon last night before the operation?"

"I– yes. Yes, I did, Tsunade-sama."

"What phase was it in?"

"Wh… What? It…" the color drained from the 'Nee-chan's face. "It was…"

The look on her apprentice's face was answer enough. "Fuck" Tsunade re-iterated. "Naru-chan! NARU-CHAN!"

-

x-Konoha: streets-x

"It's the demon!" Whispers.

"It came out? We have to finish it while it's still a child…" Those damn whispers

"No, if Sandaime-sama finds out-!" How many times?

"Shh! Be quiet, it'll hear you" This same god_damn_ conversation more or less repeated everywhere he went.

Stupid ninjas, Naruto thought. Were those guys just exceptionally bad ninjas, or did they know that he would hear the whole conversation and pretended that they didn't?

Either way, two things were becoming very clear. One: The "Hero's Day" festival was indeed as big a deal, if not a bigger deal than he'd been led to believe it was. And Two: The villagers and ninjas of his home-village would rather he didn't exist.

Some seemed confused at what to make of his existence, while the rest seemed resolute in their beliefs. But sadly, what both factions were united in was that everyone would be only too happy if he were dead. Some didn't care _how _he would die, from what he could gather, but the vast majority wanted the sincere pleasure of ending his life personally.

But they were all talk and no action, for now. And none seemed to be acting on whatever murderous thoughts hid openly behind the obvious whispering and dismantling glares.

But that was okay. They just had to get used to the idea that he wasn't the demon sealed inside him. They'd see, they wouldn't have a choice: Naruto wasn't feeling generous enough to _give_ them one. He'd make them see his face every day: his and _not_ the Kyuubi's. In fact, he'd be **so** 'in your face' that they couldn't help but notice him. And over the weeks, months, years –whatever it took– they would see that he was still there, in their faces, having done nothing intentional harmful or demonic. And then they'd start to _think_. Really, really think. They'd think on their own, apart from their clubs, groups, or gossip-rings. And they wouldn't think about how the demon was biding its time, or how he was going to kill them all… because the evidence for that would be too pitiful, and that would be _stupid_. They'd be thinking that hey, that Naruto-kid doesn't seem dangerous after all. And then they'd stop being afraid. And **_then_**… then maybe he could call this place home – for good.

Oh, what a dream.

But then again, every child _needs_ to dream sometimes.

And though they won't admit it to themselves or each-other, every adult needs to dream just as much.

-

x-Playground-x

"Ha ha ha, hey look guys, it's the big-foreheaded girl!" A child said and pointed. Sakura's stomach dropped. They were here, the bullies. Not the boy kind that beat you up after school, though. Rather, they were the girl kind that spat on your dreams and dismantled your self-worth. They were the bane of Sakura's every day.

"Ooo, is she making a saaand castle?" came the sing-song second voice

Sickeningly sweet words, Sakura recognized. It was the most dangerous tone of voice.

"Hey! Hey!" One brown-haired girl piped up. "It's actually pretty good!"

Sakura foolishly got her hopes up. It really was a good sand-castle, she'd slaved meticulously over it for hours on her own and managed to create something beautiful and with a meaningful existence. And as its creator: maybe, just maybe she could have those same values attached to herself. Maybe they would stop teasing her all the time… Maybe she could even join their group: be _one _of_ them_.

"Ha ha, she probably smoothed out the walls with her forehead!" One joked. The reference to her abnormality caused a deep sting for Sakura, as she recognized that she'd been a fool. They'd never accept someone like her.

"Don't let your head swell up in pride, Sakura! If it gets any bigger, you won't be able to fit through the doors!"

"Ha ha ha, oh look it's a mosquito. Quick Sakura, get it with your forehead, so it can't escape."

The cackles of those children continued among the teasing. Some of which was getting repetitive, but the children certainly didn't care.

A blond slowly made here way to the front of the pack. "Ah! Ino-chan's here!" the brown-haired girl declared. Contrasted to Sakura, Ino was always 'cool' and 'with it'. She knew the popular trends, the popular topics, she was just popular.

"Hmph" the young Ino snorted. "Making sand-castles? Stop wasting your time with childish things and grow up Sakura, and get some fashion sense while you're at it" she added, as if as an afterthought. "For god's sake, do something about that forehead of yours" she accented her statement by walking past the pink-haired girl and roughly kicking her sand castle: ruining it and spraying sand everywhere. In the world of the girl's half of the playground: Sakura was weak. Those that were weak didn't need to stay weak. They could learn how to talk, how to walk, and how to dress just like Ino. You just had to put in the hours and the research. Sakura chose to stay weak by staying so unimpressive, and the strong preyed on the weak. That was the nature of the world. Ino stepped back to observe her handiwork

"NO!" Sakura cried.

But, laughing, the other bullies merely followed their sometimes-leader in her sudden act of meanness. They did it because it was fun, because it made them feel important, grown up, and influential, and like they could get away with anything.

"Ha ha ha, you're such a cry-baby!" And indeed, Sakura was far into her tears by now. Thoughtlessly, a brunette threw the first stone. And though Ino tried to stop the act, she'd found herself too slow.

The rock was not two inches away from Sakura's face when a boy appeared out of no-where and was there to instantly catch it in an outstretched palm. Those present would later theorize that he'd arrived during a blink, except none of them _had _blinked.

"Oy," the new blond growled, "don't you think you're going too far?"

Ino blinked, kids didn't just move like that. Her _father_ moved like that. "Yeah, as a matter of fact: I do" Ino testily replied, making sure the new-comer could see her eying the brunette girl whose arm she still held tightly, presumably in a failed attempt to abort the brunette's throw. "But what's it to you, new kid?" She hadn't thought a kid could pull off the whole 'move faster than you can actively register' trick, even against other kids.

"You know, it sucks: I'm trying to show people that I'm not dangerous to anyone but I don't… like bullies" Naruto informed warningly, scaring a few people.

Ino didn't back down. "And so what?" Ino demanded. "My dad's a ninja. He's a Jounin, and he'd kick your ass!"

"Oh, so formidable." Naruto mock-cringed in fear. Sarcasm was practically dripping from each word as Naruto continued. "You gang up five-to-one on a kid that's just making sand-castles, and then you're gonna' drag your father into this? I can really, reaaally respect your spine."

Sakura wiped her tear-stained face with her sleeves. She'd been saved from those bullies... someone was standing up for her! It was like a fairytale, except it wasn't like being saved by a knight in shining armour at all. To vocalize it... let's see: it was more like being saved by an angry bear.

"Listen kid, we did her a _favour_. Forehead-Girl's already a loser – if she wastes her time on childish things like sand castles, she'll just become even more loser-ish" Ino sneered. The way this guy stood, the way he talked… he had it all. Everything Ino had. He could be one of the cool kids – and a leader – easy. Why stand up for a loser?

"What the hell?" Naruto growled. The pack of girls (minus Ino) gasped in response to his language. "Sandcastles are childish? So what? _We're_ children, you complete idiot!" he yelled to Ino's face. "What the hell about you is so special that you feel like you can look down on the rest of us? I'm taller than you but you keep calling me 'kid'. Listen up! I'm only going to tell you this once so try to wrap your little blond head around it. My name's Houou Naruto, and I'm a childish brat that can kick _all_ your asses!"

"Yamanka Ino" Ino spat back. "And I'd like to see you try!" She totally neglected the fact that she barely ever took her father's light training sessions seriously, and that her friends were either the same, or just civilians. This is what's called 'hot-headed' thinking.

"Ino?" Naruto stared. "You're making fun of someone for their forehead size but your name means… 'pig'?"

"SHUT UP!" Ino hollered. "It's a respectable tradition in my family, you 'fish-cake' boy!"

"Fishcake? Fishcake!?" Naruto echoed. "Oh, it's **on** now, Ms. Piggy."

The two blondes faces were mere inches apart, each having their right fists raised and shaking with anger. To a casual bystander, it would look like the two were on the verge of beating the ever-loving snot out of each other, but this wasn't true. In actuality, they were on the verge of an insult-hurling contest the likes of which the playground had never known.

"Wait, Ino-chan!" one of the offended girl's 'friends' came to try and restrain her from getting into what she thought would be an actual fist-fight. "I-I've heard about him!"

"Yeah!" another shouted, restraining Ino's other arm. "My dad told me. He said that if I saw a kid with whisker-marks, that I should stay as far away from him as I could! He's _dangerous_, Ino-chan!"

Dangerous? The word echoed in his mind. The villagers had gone so far as to warn their children away from him. Go figure. But… he hadn't thought it would be so painful. Their eyes had all been fixed on him in glares before. But now, their gazes wouldn't meet his eyes. He doubted their gazes even met his shadow, except for one. Yamanka Ino was still looking at him face to face, eyes searching as if she saw something she couldn't quite figure out.

All of Ino's 'friends' were looking away from the new kid. But she kept looking. Looking into that face that fiercely hated 'bullies' and trying to find some way to explain how he was supposed to be dangerous. She looked at him and she didn't see a sheep: one of those vast numbers of kids that would just follow the crowd. She didn't see a loner: one of those kids that kept to themselves and acted like nothing was important. She saw a tough, stubborn, loudmouthed blonde that wouldn't keep his opinion to himself if you _paid_ him to shut up. She looked at him and saw someone that she could treat as an equal.

Finding nothing of the answers she sought in that face, Ino eventually let the pack of girls drag her away. But Ino knew where she _could_ get her answers. Her father paid special attention to human thought patterns and knew the real stories behind a lot of things.

Naruto watched as the gaggle of girls departed. Of course he'd wanted them to leave, but not like that. He shook off the depressing thoughts and spun around, finally, to face the girl he'd stood up for.

"Hey" he smiled. "You okay?"

Saved by the devil? No. As Sakura looked up (she's sitting in the sand, he's standing) at the tired smile that her savoir was sporting, she realized something profound. He was just like her. "You're not… bad at all, are you?" she asked wondrously. "People just don't like you because you're different right? Because of your… whisker-marks."

"Huh?" Naruto was genuinely surprised. The girl was connecting his whisker marks with her forehead? Heh, maybe if he didn't have these damn marks, his problem would be smaller, at least. "No, my problems a little different from yours…"

"Oh. Still alone with my big forehead, huh?" Sakura mumbled, gazing at the sand at her feet.

"Well, not really" Naruto objected.

Sakura "eep"ed, she'd said that out loud?

"I mean," Naruto continued, "there's you, your forehead… and me: makes three" he joked. "Right?"

Sakura's heart plummeted. Her savior was picking on her too? She'd thought he would be nice to her. "R-Right" she confirmed when prompted, nonetheless. What? He'd even begun laughing. And slowly, somehow, Sakura started to laugh too. It started out as a giggle, as she realized that she'd insulted her own forehead before he did. But then her giggles seemed to bring forth even more powerful gales of laughter from the boy before her and soon they were both clutching their sides in mirth. It was then that she realized that he was laughing _with_ her, not _at_ her.

Ah, she'd almost forgotten what it was like.

Sakura laughed harder, as if making up for lost time.

Somewhere between giggles and guffaws, Sakura told her hero her name.

"H-" giggle "Haruno" giggle again "Sakura!"

_The pair laughed for a good while. In fact, at the end of this chuckle session, their cheeks were sore from smiling and their throats were dry from laughing. Noting this, Sakura showed her new friend to the water fountains, and the subject of sand-castles came up. Sakura explained that the one that Ino destroyed had been her best work, and she was sure that she couldn't ever match it again. _

"Nope" Naruto immediately disagreed. "You can definitely do much better"

"What? I just told you… it's impossible" Sakura complained. She was hesitant to sound rude and maybe drive her new friend away, but had he not been listening to her at all?

"Hmm…" Naruto pondered the situation at a little more length. "Nope, you're definitely wrong and I'm right"

He's defiantly not listening at all! Sakura's mind demanded.

"Because, you see:" Naruto lectured. "That sand castle was your best one, but now I'm here to help!"

"Huh? Y-Yeah…" Sakura smiled.

"We'll make the best sandcastle ever!" Naruto shouted

"Yes!" Sakura cheered. "The best ever!"

x-later-x

"Because, you see:" Sakura mimicked in a fairly good 'Naruto' voice "That sand castle was your best one, but now I'm here to help!"

The girl waited a few seconds and took a deep breath. "YOU'RE ABSALOUTELY NO HELP AT ALL!"

Naruto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. Before the pair was a mound of sand that could only be assumed to have been an attempt at… something. Probably a sandcastle… but it was hard to tell. "Hehehe, s-sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me today."

Instead of the best… he was pretty sure they'd made the worst sand castle ever. Well, it was sort of a sand castle… if you squinted really, really hard.

"Ah! Are you sick, Naruto-kun?" Sakura asked, concerned. All traces of earlier eardrum-blowing rage long gone.

Naruto saw fit to comment on this. "Ah, Sakura-chan? Weren't you just yelling so loud that I had to cover my ears?"

Sakura visibly flinched. "Ha ha, sorry Naruto-kun. It's just that you kept ruining the sandcastles for two hours straight. Over and over and over and over again. And I kind of… exploded. Gomen!"

Naruto gave a short chuckle. "No, don't worry. Kaa-chan yells louder: I was just surprised" Naruto explained. "Though maybe you shouldn't bottle up your rage and let it compound upon itself until the pressure of your suppressed emotions cause you to explode in a loud and frightening display of righteous anger upon the nearest viable target once your limit is reached" Naruto smiled. "It'd probably be healthier for you… and me."

"Sh-Shockingly detailed!" Sakura observed in, well... shock. A sweat drop rolled down the back of her head unnoticed.

"Heh, yeah. You could even cause your suppressed anger to reach such a point that, in order to find an outlet your mind subconsciously creates a second personality that openly displays its emotions in the ways that you secretly want to, but don't. And then it will stay inside your head all day and yell things like 'Shaaaan-na-ro!' enthusiastically while punching the air and making various other gestures." Naruto laughed.

Sakura's sweat drop grew. "Even more detailed!" she shouted in disbelief.

"_Yeah. Spooky" _Inner Sakura agreed.

Seeing the girl stare at him dumbstruck as she was, Naruto thought that maybe he'd gone too far. "Er, medic-nin humour… sorry."

"Th-That's all right."

* * *

_Omake_

_The months that passed by before Hiatari's operation were not empty of events._

x-Hiatari's room-x

"Ah, good morning Tsunade-sama," the bed-ridden Hyuuga greeted, turning her head towards the doorway. "I hear your son training and playing outside all the time, you should be proud of him."

Tsunade quirked an eyebrow "who says I'm not?"

The ill Hyuuga gave a weak laugh. "You're mouth is as smart as ever Tsunade-sama" Hiatari observed, before wincing and holding her head gingerly.

"Of course" Tsunade replied, for all the world as if the person she was casually talking to didn't have an uncontrolled cancerous growth at the back of her brain.

"But your son" Hiatari brought up again. "He really is strong…"

"Yeah? Hmph. You haven't seen anything yet. His hard work is going to start becoming more noticeable soon."

"No. Not that…" Hiatari objected. "I meant… here" she said, placing her hand over her heart. "Please thank him for me. My little Hinata has never had anyone to play with…"

"Thank him?" Tsunade snorted "that guy won't want to hear it."

"I see, you're right. Tell him I'm sorry then, for thanking him when I had no place doing so" Hiatari asked.

"Heh. I'll relay your messages" Tsunade agreed.

"Ah, Tsunade-sama!" Shizune interrupted. She normally wouldn't, but this was important. "What did you mean when you said that Nartuo-kun's hard work would become more noticeable?"

"What, you don't know?" Tsunade asked. "What kind of apprentice are you?"

"…" Shizune looked suitably embarrassed.

"Listen up, Shizune. I shouldn't have to explain this to you" Tsunade lectured. "Don't you think it's weird that Naru-chan can pull off an imperfect form of my technique, but can't even walk up a tree?"

"Of course! The difficulty level should be nothing to him…" Shizune mumbled.

"That kid's first perception of his own chakra was when he was a baby and the Kyuubi's chakra was still mixing with his own. He didn't get the 'lock' seal until he was two. That guy had absolutely no natural concept of how to move his chakra once the ratio of chakra in his body suddenly switched to one hundred percent all him – and stayed that way" Tsunade explained as she walked over to the window and gazed out, seeing if she could spot the little troublemaker training. She did. "A normal person can simply focus on the need for their chakra to do something, and it'll respond. But Naruto can't do that, he has to focus on the chakra and try to move it on his own every single time. Every pitiful and slowly achieved scrap of chakra-control that Naru-chan has, he's built from the very base up."

Shizune's eyes widened in understanding, she joined her mentor in looking out the window at Naruto training.

"Naru-chan's understanding of his chakra's movement is more… scientific. And he started off at a disadvantage, but he's just going to keep building on what he has and slowly: he'll definitely surpass the both of us" She smiled. "Well… that's only if he continues to work hard"

Shizune giggled. Heck, even Hiatari giggled, though it caused her head-pains to increase. She'd heard him outside enough to say that he was probably not going to slow down his training any time soon.

"The only reason Naru-chan can't walk up that stupid tree… is because he doesn't think he can do it. It defies gravity and that throws him off. Being able to stay calm in extreme circumstances is also a part of chakra control and for most people that do this training: walking up instead of forwards counts as an extreme circumstance. But it has a bigger effect with Naruto because we naturally overshadow him in the chakra control department and the tree-climbing exercise is a fairly big turning point. In short: Naru-chan only needs to climb up that tree once and he'll never fall off of one again…" Trailing off, Tsunade noticed Naruto finish off his chakra and drag himself into the house they were living in at the Hyuuga estate. She was surprised to spot him through the kitchen window soon after "Huh? What's that brat up to in the kitchen? He's sitting down, he's looking around, and _now_ he's… GOING FOR THE KITCHEN CABINETS? THAT'S MY–!"

"Otoutou!" Shizune cried in despair. "Nooooo!"

"OUT OF MY WAY, SHIZUNE!" Tsunade bellowed as she barrelled past, or rather, through her assistant and down the hall.

"Oh my" Hiatari commented, not able to currently see, but certainly able to somewhat hear the sound of Shizune being flattened in Tsunade's mad dash out

"Otoutou!" The road kill that was Shizune suddenly and miraculously got up in a flash, surprising the hell out of all conventional logic-based expectations. "Nooo! Don't do it!" She cried as she too scrambled out the door and barrelled down the unsuspecting corridor.

x-Houou Residence-x

The house was quiet as Naruto tip-toed through. His adopted mother and sister had just holed themselves up in an unused room and slapped "Research Room" on the front of it this morning. Hinata was off doing something girly or other, and it had occurred to Naruto that now was the perfect time to try out something he'd been meaning to do.

Nervous as all hell, Naruto tip-toed… No! He _slinked_, he _glided_ towards the kitchen cabinets and sat down before them after giving his surroundings a thorough check, grinning mischievously. He carefully opened the cabinet so that it wouldn't make so much as a squeak, and took his prize. "Huh" he sounded, placing the jar on the counter top and reaching for a saucer that was – conveniently – left on the countertop (he couldn't reach the overhead cupboards). "I always wondered what the big deal about this stuff was. Why does Kaa-chan like it so much, anyway?" The saucer had barely touched his lips when things went horribly wrong.

"NAAAARUUUU-CHAAAAAN!"

The voice of his enraged mother froze Naruto solid. His eyes widened to the size of small tennis balls.

"Hold still!" the woman demanded and proceeded to pull out a pocket camera and fiddle mercilessly with it. "Damn 'frontier' technology my ass, not worth the god-damn…"

"NOOOooooo!" Came the anguished holler that could only be his Nee-chan. Oh – shit.

While Naruto's adopted mother stood in the kitchen doorway huffing as if she'd just run through several solid wood walls and… were those woodchips in her hair? Shizune opted to dive straight through the window and send glass shards flying everywhere.

_Click! _

"Damnit, Shizune! I just got the damn camera to work and you obstructed the #)+)(&$#! Picture!" Tsunade roared. A quiet whirring was heard and lo-and-behold, a picture of Shizune diving onto the floor in the middle of the frame with small pieces of Naruto with a sake saucer to his lips in the background where Shizune wasn't obstructing.

Hearing the tell-tale whirr, Shizune scrambled to her feet and snatched the developed picture out of the air. "No evidence must exist!" she cried before proceeding to consume the photo with gutso.

"Urk! Uh, um... Nee-chan?" Naruto was sweating, his Kaa-chan **and **his Nee-chan had arrived! He hastily distanced the saucer from his lips and started scrambling for an escape plan involving the egg-timer, two salt shakers, a bottle of sake, and jumping out the destroyed window that his Nee-chan had broken in through.

"What the hell? Naru-chan move to the left so I can have a clear picture!" Tsunade demanded.

"Er-"

"NO!" Shizune hollered and –tackled– her mentor to the ground. Where she opted to target the source of the problem and began to bite the ever-loving hell out of that camera.

"U-Um" Naruto tried weakly. Things were looking really, really bad.

"Damn you Shizune, I can't see! What if he's drinking it right now?.! Oh, hell. Forget the picture!" Tsunade yelled, throwing aside the camera – and Shizune with it.

"What are you waiting for?" she demanded, standing in front of him, "drink already!"

"You're not… mad at all?" Naruto asked in awe.

"Are you kidding? I was there the first time you opened your eyes, I was there for your first steps, I was there for your first word!" she yelled. "And I'll be damned if I'm not there for your first sip of sake!"

Naruto almost face faulted, leave it to his Kaa-chan…

"And when you grow up and get married, I'll even be expecting a video tape of your wedding night!" Tsunade declared

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?.!" Naruto screamed, thoroughly freaked out. She was just saying that to emphasize her point… right? Right?

It was then that Shizune rejoined the fray – broken wires and other camera parts dangling from her mouth – and tackled her mentor to the ground for the second time ever, Naruto getting caught up in it and hitting the floor as well.

"Gah!" Tsunade grunted. She'd somehow managed to grab the sake saucer on the way down and she proceeded to try to move the sake to her son's lips despite the Shizune that was desperately screaming "Noooo!" and holding back her mentor's arm with both of hers, her body weight, some help from her otoutou who wanted nothing more than to just get _out_ of there, and her left leg.

She wasn't meeting with much success. Desperately, she switched to tactic #2 and chomped down on her mentor's arm with gusto.

"**AAAAAAARGH!**"

_End_

* * *

The chapter ended with a few unanswered questions, but I'm going to be working on the next one in the following days, rather than the normal wait of certain amount of time before I begin to write again. The reason for this is because I had originally just wanted to cram more into this chapter but I changed my mind when I noted that this thing was pushing the 7 000 word mark. 

I got some very awesome reviews lately. Sometimes, I just sit down and re-read them when I feel in particular need of a pick-me-up during my life.

Ino means pig or rather, wild boar. The tradition she's referring to has to do with the "Ino-Shika-Cho" team that she, Shikamaru, and Choji call themselves later in the series, following thier parent's footsteps who were the previous generatin of Ino-Shika-Cho. The name itself originated from a Japanese _Card_ game called 'Hanafuda' in Japan. Getting the three cards of Ino (boar) Shika (deer) and Cho (butterfly) were a part of a three card combo you could make and net yourself 5 points.

It seems a little strange for Tsunade to have a portable camera that developes it's pictures itself, but the Narutoverse has both moovie theatres and photographs thrown at various random places, including pictures of the young Shodaime and Nidaime. So photography's been around for a while, I'd say. Besides, Tsunade somehow got suckered into buying one of those overpriced new products that are always around.

I once knew a person with a very large forehead. You'd be surprised how much of a big deal it cane be made out to be.

The whole Ino bullying Sakura thing will probably wierd a few people out. I already got a few comments concerning that in reviews. Some people are a liiiitle different in my story, please just suffer through it.

Hey, if I make mistakes: even just grammer or odd wording that you think is repetative or annoying go ahead and tell me. Advice is always good.

I'm going to be more busy now than I was in the summer: I suffer.

Please Review.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 7

Grand Fall

_In such a way, Naruto and Sakura spent the remainder of their morning in the sandpit. Some would say: "What? That's boring!" but the two kept each other company. Sakura told Naruto about herself, and Naruto returned the favor – though he did not say much about his status as both the Kyuubi's container and Yondaime's son. Still, while in the large sandbox tucked against one side of the academy building, the pair reached a grasp of the other's life and problems. Sakura was amazed at Naruto's travels, adopted parentage, and overall abilities. She was horrified to learn that his whisker marks were from the acts of a spiteful medic-nin when he was a child. Naruto soon found Sakura to be quite intelligent and was supportive of her plight – not thinking that her forehead was really that bad at all._

Naruto sighed in relief. "It's finished!" They had spent so much time working on sandcastles. In fact, the sun was setting in the background, and though the moon was no-where to be seen, he could only guess that it would be only a matter of time now.

Sakura giggled. "Congratulations, Naruto-kun. You finally made a sand-castle."

"Eh? Just me?" Naruto blinked. "Don't say it as if you had nothing to do with it!" he protested.

"Uh-huh," Sakura deadpanned, grinning coyly. "_Who_ kept knocking things over? Hm? _Who _couldn't get the sand to come out of the bucket properly even once? Hm? _Who _kept spilling water on everything? Hm? Hm? Hm?" she wheedled, almost bubbling in glee. Harmless teasing: it was a completely different thing from the sort she was used to being involved with. Much more fun, you see. Quite freeing, really.

"Er," Naruto sweated. He couldn't find it in himself to counter the point.

The pink-haired girl struck her 'lecturing' pose. "That's why this success is so amazing for Naruto-kun." She begun slowly – perhaps one could even say mockingly – clapping. "Hakushu, Hakushu."

(A/N: 'Hakushu': 'clapping hands' or 'applause'. An onomatopoeia, I think.)

Naruto's left eyebrow twitched. "Sakura-chan's mean after all…"

The accused only giggled and begun playfully prodding Naruto's cheek. "Don't be so silly Naruto-kun. I'm really very proud of you: Congratulations! Banzai!" She threw her arms up for effect.

Naruto couldn't quite shake the feeling that he was being mocked.

It was nice to see this bubbly side of Sakura-chan and all, but Naruto's eye continued to twitch in annoyance from the clear mocking he was subject to. What was worse was that the twitching was starting to synchronize with the constant poking his cheek was receiving. Suddenly, the boy snapped his head to the side and made as if to catch Sakura's finger in his teeth on its next poke.

Sakura 'Eeek!'ed and pulled her finger away as Naruto playfully chomped on the empty air. As she danced away giggling, she stuck out her tongue.

"Hey. But how is it, seriously?" Naruto queried, scratching the back of his head.

"Eh?" Sakura looked at the object in question. With out a doubt, it could be described in a single word: Mediocre. "It looks wonderful, Naruto-kun." And it was true. Ask any parent that has received a crudely crayoned sketch of themselves from their child, and they'll tell you: the story behind the art matters. The happy times behind that sand-castle's creation were recorded in Sakura's mind, and it made it impossible for her to say 'Mediocre'.

"He he, yeah?" Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Is it the best ever?"

Sakura giggled. "Are you kidding? No way!"

Naruto thought he should probably be angry, but he soon found his own chuckles joining Sakura's anyway.

The two were grinning at each other when it happened.

A large portion of wall had dislodged from the rest of the building and made to come crashing down in a solid slab thrice either child's size – with only a faint crumbling sound as warning. It began its decent from the third floor slowly: but, in gaining momentum, was soon spelling inescapable death with a glaring clarity.

Sakura's eyes widened in shock, not horror. Her young mind was too thrown in surprise at the event to process the repercussions of it, and her body froze up as if a deer in the headlights.

Naruto was no such case.

"**Sakura-chan!"**

Having wasted no time, the boy quickly barrelled Sakura to the ground and braced his arms on the sand at either side of her head, knees on either side of her waist as he looked at her with relief on his face. But instead of seeing a mirroring image of relief on his playmate's face, he saw terror. It was then, in that sparse space between seconds, that he noticed that Sakura's eyes weren't fixed _on him_, they were fixed _behind him_.

The sickening sound that accompanied the slab of wall slamming to a halt on her friend's back would continue to ring in Sakura's ears for days to come.

After that thunderous clap the world seemed very quiet to Sakura, save for her friend's laboured breathing. The world seemed very still, save for his arms as they shook under the strain: the weight on top of him only pushing his palms further into the soft sand. She probably would have been traumatized by the situation, if her now twice-over saviour wasn't looking at her so re-assuredly.

IIII

That… had hurt. Hell, it _still_ hurt. The pain in his back made no sign to fade away any time soon, and neither did the pain in his arms and legs. He was grateful that they had been on a soft, buffering surface like this sand, but even so his arms were shaking under the strain of sustaining the added weight above him. He tried to give the girl under him a re-assuring look.

Yet the weight above him was relentless: he thought he might slip soon, and what then? Would both he and his friend be crushed slowly and painfully?

Oh, hell no.

Looking into Sakura's petrified emerald eyes, he decided that right now, her life was certainly his responsibility. He had to protect her: he _had _to.

With a tremendous cry of effort, he managed to slide the slab to one side and continue to push against it; effectively shoulder charging it into falling away from them and onto the sand away from the pair, where it finally gave up and fractured into pieces.

Panting, he caught his breath as he looked at his hands which were, oddly enough, still shaking. However, it was strange. Hadn't he tried to tackle Sakura _out_ of the way? And the piece of wall did not break upon impact with him, yet it fell to pieces as he dropped it to the sand.

Without warning, Naruto's gaze left the broken slab as his head snapped up to the building and saw the corresponding hole in the wall. He also saw a male figure – face obscured by shadows – briefly, before he disappeared into the building. Naruto didn't miss the glint of light reflecting off of the shadow's Konoha forehead protector. And it was both odd and sad, but Naruto couldn't honestly say he was that surprised. All he could think was: _He won't try a second time_, _not for now. He's retreated already..._

The sound of Sakura shakily getting to her feet soon had Naruto by her side: helping her up and supporting her – as she seemed quite shaken.

"Are you alright, Sakura-chan?"

In way of answer, Sakura hurled herself into the boy's chest. "I-I was scared…"

"I'm sorry…"

"N-No…!" she mumbled into his chest, protesting. "You saved me again, Naruto-kun. So I'm fine."

Naruto was sure he didn't deserve her thanks, but the words he would have said, as such, died in his throat as Sakura turned her face to smile up at him. He hadn't noticed the bloody smears on her face before. "Sa-Sakura-chan, are you hurt? I'm–"

_cough_

Sakura didn't let go of her friend as, involuntarily, the blond brought his hands to his mouth as he coughed.

Pulling back, the blood now on Naruto's still shaking hands answered a few questions. "O…Oh…" he looked at his friend's face, not even remembering when he must have coughed blood onto it. He looked at his shaking hands and thought back to all the clumsiness that he'd been displaying when he'd started making sand-castles. He recalled that it had been harder to push that piece of wall off than it really should have. "_Oh…_"

Another cough, a little more blood.

The last time he'd coughed, Sakura had looked concerned. Now she looked surprised. "Sakura-chan?"

"Akai…"

(A/N: 'akai' is 'red')

_What?_ Naruto's eyes widened. Turning his head, he looked into one of the dusty school windows and saw his crimson-eyed half-reflection staring back at him. And… his pupils had elongated into slits. _Like a fox…_

"..._Oh_…"

The sun set at last, and as Naruto looked up to the sky he noticed the moonless sky. But it wasn't that the moon was late or hidden. Rather, there would be no moon tonight. "New moon…" the boy tiredly whispered to himself.

x-recap: chapter 2-x

_Naruto nodded. "Nee-chan picked out the day. She said making it work once every new moon would be more convenient. It's not bad, but I can't fight or train very well. I feel sick and… cough up blood a lot"_

x-end recap-x

The blond was suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness. The world blurred before his eyes as standing became difficult.

"Naruto-kun!" and suddenly, Sakura wasn't holding onto him as her emotional pillar of support anymore: she was holding onto him to help keep him standing.

"S-Sorry Sakura-chan. Could you help me walk home?"

-

_Sakura complied, of course, and the two were soon trudging down the street. Sakura dutifully helped to support her friend's weight – even while acting as one would expect a concerned and fussy girl to act. It was slow going to say the least, and taxing for both parties involved. Naruto did his best to keep his eyes downcast for the trip, hiding his crimson eyes though the street was all but deserted. The deserted street was not so surprising: there was a festival going on, after all. And for the majority of the village: the whole day's commotion was focused around the city centre. By a twist of fate, the shortest path to the Hyuuga sector would take the pair just past the outermost edges of the activities._

"Eh? Naruto-kun what's wrong?" Sakura asked her friend when he suddenly stopped. She was concerned for him: the hand on her shoulder for support had been shaking so much during their trek. On top of that, Naruto-kun said that they couldn't ask adults for help.

"…" Naruto stared at the image. He'd never seen the like. He'd be more concerned about exposing his eyes which were more likely crimson than not, but the rest of the village was similarly attentive to the performance occurring at the raised stage, and therefore had their backs to him. "Sakura-chan, what's that?"

The bubblegum haired girl followed her friend's gaze to the stage, where the spectacular sight of Konoha's Fire Dragon Dance was taking place. Every major country had a Dragon Dance, where the performers – no less than three – would take a specially made costume resembling a dragon and either walk through the streets in it, or stay on stage. Fire Country's Dragon costume was red, of course, but also gold and green. The long, serpentine costume was meant to thrown over six member's backs, all working in practiced unity to give the most realistic representation of movement – barring the legs that were easily seen under the costume, but that was beside the point.

"Ah, Naruto-kun, you don't know it? It's the Fire Country's Dragon Dance…"

Naruto was about to reply, but was overcome with another coughing fit. When he drew back the hand he'd covered his mouth with – the one not on Sakura-chan's shoulder – he saw the blood, as expected. But when he looked back up to the stage; at that moment the performers twisted the dragon costume and, for a moment, Naruto believed that the red, gold, and green dragon had just snapped its head towards him.

"N-Naruto-kun!" Sakura's surprised cry was the last thing he heard before the world blurred into black

IIII

x-unconscious domain-x

"_Where… am I?" Looking left and right, Naruto found himself in a world of pitch-black. The sole discerning feature of the landscape was the roaring bonfire in the distance before him. "Sakura-chan?" he yelled loudly, "where did you go!"_

_But his voice did nothing more than echo into oblivion. And in response, the bonfire uncurled itself and bared its fangs. And suddenly he realized that it was no bonfire at all, but a beast of fire. A dragon? A real one. Though it was far away, he could see the detail of it well. Easily two stories tall, despite being hunched over, it bore little resemblance to the dragon dance he'd seen moments ago. Apparently taking notice of him, the large, yet lithely formed creature of living fire charged at him. Naruto's eyes widened as, half-way to reaching him, the dragon's speed re-doubled: body of living flame zig-zagging left and right through the inky black with a speed that made it seem to be nothing more than a trail of orange-red. Naruto's eyes could barely keep up. _

_Which was why, when the dragon failed to zig-zag, and instead made a bee-line for Naruto with a burst of speed that was far greater yet, Naruto throwing his arms before his face in pure reflex was the only form of defence he had. _

_The jaws came crashing down._

_The world exploded in white._

IIII

Naruto dropped to his knees on the ground: a dirt path now, and not an empty void of black. He panted for breath as he clutched his head in one hand. Such an acute headache pain… _What was that place? And that thing… Such speed and power: like it was built specifically to attack. Was that what a fire dragon should be? _He faintly noted that Sakura was by his side in the dirt path.

"Naruto-kun! Are you alright? Naruto-kun!"

"Sakura-chan… yeah, I'm fine. I just blacked out for a while" he mubled. "An odd dream…"

"Thank goodness!" Sakura exclaimed, relieved. "I was worried. You were just standing still and staring like that for so long…"

"Y-Yeah?" Naruto mumbled. His condition on the day of the new-moon… was it getting worse? It shouldn't be, but to just suddenly black out like that…

"Yes! The dragon-dance is done now, already…" she explained, wanting Naruto to understand the gravity of just how long he'd been all but zombie-like. "They're showing the battle between Yondaime-sama and the Kyuubi now"

IIII

Tenten looked up to the stage, and was filled with pride. Her mother was truly amazing.

One day, she too, would be so amazing – she just knew she would be.

She was her mother's daughter, after all.

-  
x-earlier-x

"Tenten-chan?"

"Hm? Okaa-san?"

"Ara! There you are. Now how many times have I told you not to play with my kunai?"

"But I want to be a great weapon mistress like Okaa-san! I'll show all the stupid boys that girls can be strong too!"

"Hai, hai, but what of your father? His skill at the forge surpasses my skill with weapons."

"Hmm… well that's true."

"Right? And he'd be so disappointed if you didn't take up his craft, you know..."

"Well… Otou-san and Okaa-san should just have another baby already! He can be the smith and I can be the weapon mistress. Why can't I get a little brother or sister already…"

"A-Ah? Tha-That…."

"Ha ha, Okaa-san is blushing!"

"Hai, hai, Tenten-chan. Now could you just help me with my costume now?"

"Okay. Okaa-san, are you going to perform for the whole village again?"

-  
x-present-x

Her mother: Kyougu Hitoe was there, playing the part of Kyuubi – not for her acting skills, but for her mastery of armed combat. Her mother's proficiency with the wrist mounted claws was not high in comparison to her abilities with other weapons, much less the over-large and decorated version that she sported now (representing the Kyuubi's claws). But it was said that if it had a blade, then Kyougu Hitoe was its master. Her 'opponent' was a Yondaime costumed performer with a sword – though it was known that the real Yondaime hadn't used one – and would have already lost. But it was a play, after all.

Both performers stood on stage, wearing masks and overly frilly (and flashy) costumes of the ones they represented.

There were no 'Henge' techniques used on stage. It would be too real. Too close to home. To this day, people were still that afraid of the Kyuubi's image and the fated battle that must have taken place.

The crowd watched in rapt attention, and cheered when finally, 'Yondaime' was victorious: piercing the Kyuubi's stomach with his blade.

Tenten watched in horror as 'Yondaime' stumbled backwards, looking at his blade dumbly and her Okaa-san's blood spilled to the floor. "Okaa-san! Okaa-san!"

The girl scrambled to her mother's side.

It was at this time that the crowd began to think that this wasn't a part of the play.

IIII

Naruto had just been helped up from his black out episode by Sakura-chan when he saw the actor Yondaime's blade bury itself into 'Kyuubi's' stomach.

The boy's eyes widened immediately, even as the crowd cheered. _That's real blood… _Shit. What a predicament. Today, Naruto decided, was just one hell of a craptastic day._ I made a friend today, and finished the tree climbing training. Though both were from my effort and all this bad stuff is due to the day just being incredibly craptastic…_ Nothing for it…

"Ne, Sakura-chan…" a pause in the form of a mildly bloody coughing fit ensued. "L-Listen, I'm going to go now. Don't follow me, okay?" He took his hand from her shoulder, and worked his way out of her grip. Glancing over his shoulder, he shot her a brief smile and said "Thanks".

Naruto – stumbling and head held down to hide his eyes – made his way through the crowd.

Sakura watched her friend depart in concern. "Naruto-kun…" Dutifully, she stood, but didn't follow.

IIII

Somehow, Naruto managed to get through the crowd quickly enough that none had identified and tried to stop his progress. Most likely because they were just figuring out that the Kyuubi performer was wounded for real.

He scrambled onto the stage, cursing his body's weakness as even that action taxed him gravely. Still, he made it to the bun-haired girl in time to catch her hand. "Don't try to move her" he commanded. And though they were the same age, his grave air and crimson eyes that said 'I know what I'm doing' had her complying.

It was good that the woman's mask was taken off, Naruto decided, but beside that there wasn't anything good about the situation. _Her spinal cord was hit…_ He would have to heal her. Even then: he could not say if this woman would ever recover completely.

But that wasn't the real problem. Time was the problem. This woman was dying. He'd need to do it by Ijutsu, and he frankly didn't know if he could. For this to have to happen on a new-moon day... and where were Konoha's medics? Were _none_ of the spectators mecid-nins? But as of yet, none had joined him on-stage and time really was running out. A craptastic end to a dissasterrific day.

(A/N: Ijutsu is medical jutsu)

The blond worked his hands into the dragon seal – though his twitching hands made it difficult – and focused.

Suddenly, a chakra aura lit up around his kneeling form. "Shit." It was blue and _red_. Could he pull of a jutsu with a mix of his and Kyuubi's chakra? If it had a dauntingly low chakra control requirement, then maybe. Could he pull off a successful Ijutsu? No way. Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in concentration. Could he pull this off? Statistically: not likely. Would he try? Naruto himself didn't know what he'd do if he ever lost his Kaa-chan, but that little girl was losing _her_ mother _right now_: hell yeah, he'd try.

The boy grunted in effort and the blue chakra lit up in response, seemingly forcing the red away – for now. "Shit!" The pain was unreal; Naruto didn't even want to know what the hell he was doing to his chakra-coils. But eight hand seals later, his right palm was covered in a soft green glow and that was what was important right now. It was odd… he could do this but he couldn't heal his own burned lips without an ointment half a year ago. He'd foregone learning the burn healing Ijutsu for so long because he could already use the ointment version. Instead, he'd broadened the number of things he could heal. Now he knew that he'd made the right choice.

It was then that Naruto leaned forwards and plunged his hand into Kyougu Hitoe's stomach. It was an almost nauseating experience to him, but he'd been doing medic-nin training for so long. This had to be done.

"What is he doing?.!" shit. The crowd…

"He's finishing her off!" No! He just needed to touch the spinal cord directly!

"Horrible! What a horrible child!" You're wrong! If he said anything, could it help? Or would the crowd only want to hate him more?

"Those whisker marks, it's the demon-child!" this wasn't… how things were supposed to go at all. He was supposed to reduce their anger: little by little.

"They look darker than before!" Honestly, I'd be better off not doing this. But there's an injured person here, she's going to die. And I wanted to become a medic-nin. That's why… there's no choice: I must heal the injured. The spinal cord… it's almost healed. Will I have the strength to close the wound on her stomach?

"His eyes too, I saw them! They're _red_, like **its** eyes." …fear? Yes… their words were always angry, but in their eyes there was always this look.

"Wh-What should we do? _What should we do?_." All this time, had that look been one of fear?

Naruto withdrew his now bloody hand and reached into his ever present coat, withdrawing a long roll of bandages. Alas, it fell from his weak hands. "Here," he offered, picking up the roll again. "Bandage up your Okaa-san, I'm… too weak. Give her lots of liquids when she wakes up, she's lost a lot of blood."

"Th-Thank you" Tenten responded, from the depth of her heart. She didn't know who he was, or why they shouted 'demon', but he had saved her mother. Somehow, she'd been sure he would – right from the start. When he looked at her that first time, it had been as if he knew just how scared she was to lose her mother.

Naruto shot her a brief smile. He should have said 'you're welcome' or something, but no words felt appropriate just then.

The blond boy tried to stand towards the crowd, but he fell back to his knees before he was even half way up. He was low on blood as well and he'd just burned a lot chakra, placing those weaknesses on top of his already worsening 'condition'.

"H-He's weak now!" A simple phrase. Not even a full sentence: just a phrase. But with that, the first stone was cast and all hell broke loose.

IIII

Sakura watched, silently distraught. This morning Naruto had told her that his problems were a little different from hers. And this was what he meant. He didn't have a group of belittling bullies: he had a village that would call him 'monster'. She had been saved by him. He'd caught the rock meant to hurt her and then he stood up for her. And now he was being assailed by stones, cups, empty glass bottles, whatever was in people's reach.

And there was no one there to catch the stone meant to hurt him.

Should she go up there? But Naruto-kun had told her to wait, and what could she do? She was just a normal girl.

Just… a normal girl. Just normal…

IIII

"Na-Naruto-kun!" Hinata cried: though the words barely reached her own ears, over the shouts of the crowd. "NARUTO-KUN!" Her meek nature was gone now, blasted away by the sight before her. Her friend was hit over and over and over by anything and everything that could be thrown. Normally, perhaps she would become self-convinced that the best she could do would be to find Tsunade – and perhaps she'd be right. But an empty glass bottle had just shattered on her precious, precious friend's face: the glass shards cutting into him as they flew past or were lodged there, and right now she didn't know what she was thinking.

But she had this _urge_. This impossible-to-describe urge that was _so_ strong that, perhaps, it didn't even consciously register. She had this urge to get up there and, for lack of any other method, cover Naruto-kun's body with her own. Because, simply, if the empty glass bottles were hitting her, then they weren't hitting Naruto-kun. In response to this urge, her body moved on its own – lunging forewords. And when her father grabbed her out of the air and restrained her with his arms: she fought him. Not with Jyuuken: her arms were pinned. But she thrashed and kicked and screamed, and _bit_. And her father was actually quite impressed to see such a thing from his daughter: but he did not let go. If they were to get involved, then the _Chuunins,_ _Jounins_, and _ANBU_ would also get involved. And amongst their ranks were many that would attack Naruto as_ shinobi_ attack – and few, if any, that would protect him.

IIII

Naruto was pinned to the spot. He was too tired, sick, and hurt to move. When the rain of projectiles had begun, he'd managed to stand up – somehow. More spectacularly, he'd managed to stay on his feet more often than not: right up until the brown-haired girl had dragged her mother away from behind him to safety. But now… now he could not move if his life depended on it – which it didn't. See: he was already as good as dead.

Faintly, he thought he heard Hinata-chan's voice.

_Sayonara, Hinata-chan, Sakura-chan, Kaa-chan, Nee-chan, Ero-Uncle… _

Naruto's vision was fogging, his cuts were bleeding and the rain of projectiles continued. The ordeal had hurt before, but at the moment it didn't feel nearly as painful. It didn't feel like much anything at all, and even that feeling was becoming less and less. Still, his lips split into a satisfied smile even as the barrage continued to knock into his body. He smiled as if he had something truly great to be proud of.

_Kaa-chan… I saved someone's life today… Does that make me a… medic-nin… yet?_

The world blurred into black

-

-

IIII

It was quite a scene indeed. One second Houou Naruto was propped up against the backdrop scenery of a forest: alone, with numerous injuries, and in the process of acquiring more.

The next second, Houou Tsunade was there: hell burning in her eyes and throwing a punch to the empty air before anyone could blink. And as this punch reached full-extension a massive amount of chakra was moulded, collected, and released from Tsunade's fist in a single pulse. It not only knocked the air-borne projectiles away; it also knocked down the crowd within thirty feet, and shut up the rest.

_I definately can't trust this place, after all._

_Damnable Konoha. First Nawaki, then Dan... You won't get the third._

_My Naru-chan… you'll never take him as long as I breathe._

IIII

x-unconscious domain-x

"_Where…?"_

_The boy looked around. An empty corridor greeted him. Somehow, this place felt very lonely_

"_I was… just…" _

"_Is this… like before? With the dragon…" _

"_Or perhaps… this is what death is like?"_

_The boy began to walk_

IIII

"Otoutou! My precious Otoutou!" Shizune cried, sobbing as she nestled her adopted brother's unconscious but still bleeding form.

Shizune had been only a second behind her mentor and upon seeing her brother had proceeded to remove the glass from his face and heal him in general.

ANBU formed a large, yet tightly-knit circle around the mother, sister, and child.

IIII

x-unconscious domain-x

"_I sense something… a chakra signature. Left?"_

_Still questioning where the hell he was, and wanting **some** kind of answer: the boy turned left._

IIII

"Tsunade-sama, please disarm yourself and place your hands in the air" an ANBU, presumably the captain, instructed. Actually, they would normally bind the potential threat's movement with rope, ninja-wire, and certain metallic restraints. Problem was: no one could expect any of that to make a significant difference at all, considering that this was the woman that could open the Grand Gates of Konoha single-handedly. Of course, Tsunade didn't really have or particularly _need_ armament on her, either, but any reduction to her threat level at all would be welcomed right now.

The civilians had all left by now, save for a pink haired girl that just seemed dead-set not to budge at all come hell or high water. And both Jounin and Chuunin had arrived on the scene: some of them being professional, calm, cool – almost cold –, and just awaiting orders; others of their number frothing at the mouth to kill something whisker-marked and red-eyed, though they did a good job of not showing it.

The Hokage was on the scene as well. The old man had been with Tsunade in the Hokage tower, as his former student had been threatening to do horrible, horrible things to his anatomy if he didn't find her son with his crystal-ball: fast.

The ANBU captain spoke up once again. "Tsunade-sama, you'll have to come with us for questioning" the captain calmly informed.

Tsunade's reply didn't miss a beat "And Naru-chan?"

"You will each be taken… to separate areas for questioning"

"**Like hell!**" Tsunade growled. The ANBU tensed, senbon needles were in their hands as if by magic. Tsunade's fingers on her right hand twitched with apparently nervous energy. "We're leaving Konoha: **now**" the Sannin said strongly. But these guys were ANBU and their assassination skills likely topped hers, though she was a Sannin. How many of those senbons were aimed at her, and how many were aimed at her son?

IIII

x-unconscious domain-x

"_Seal" Naruto read aloud. "Such a small piece of paper, for such a big cage…"_

"**_Small. But the material is very high-grade" _**_an echoing, powerful voice floated throughout the room._

"_Who's there!"_

"**_Who? Oh, just the local inmate, 'Jailer-san'" _**_There it was: the darkness behind the bars dissipated to reveal a gigantic figure of a fox with nine tails. The Kyuubi had been depicted as an ugly, uncouth thing, but the image before Naruto was nothing if not the picture of primal, animalistic power and grace._

"_Kyuubi!" The fox was sitting on its haunches, staring down at him with those blood-red eyes. A massive claw rammed into the bars and almost made it to him._

"**_Oh? You do not flinch?"_**

"_Flinch and do what?" Naruto retorted. "I'd rather keep my footing steady than stumble backwards and loose it."_

"**_You won't run?"_**

"_As if I'd show my back to a demon."_

"**_Well, what a curious man-kit you are: 'Jailer-san'. You certainly have either idiocy or bravery to spare"_**

"_Shut up! You bastard… You killed my father, my biological mother, shot my chakra control to hell, and gave me a village's worth of hate!"_

"…"

"_WELL!_._?"_

"**_Should I care?"_**

" !_ "_

"**_A small human with his small problems. Why do you need a father? A mother? If your control is bad, then increase it. If a village hates you, then crush it"_**

"_Ha… ha ha… I should have expected…"_

"**_What?"_**

"_Such a big demon. Such an ancient demon, but yet you don't get it at all."_

"**_What?_**.**_!"_**

"_Such a general view… aren't you just an idiot? My little human problems! My little human victories! My little human longing and my little human happiness! To experience these types of things is what it means to live! To deal with these types of things, each time trying to do better than the last, that is what it means to grow! An idiot like you wouldn't get it. A village hates you so you crush it? And then what! You'll prove that you're strong, but what else? Not a god-damned thing! Not caring about having a father? A mother? You idiot! How can you not care? Ignoring it doesn't make you strong, it makes you a coward! Kyuubi! You only have your strength left to be proud of, don't you?_._!"_

"**_How DARE you!"_**

"_I dare because I'm not willing to run away like you! You shot my control to hell, so I -did- increase it, but I didn't feel nothing! I felt like shit knowing that it was only me that was handicapped. I felt lower than dirt whenever I compared myself to Kaa-chan or Nee-chan's level! But I'm dealing with that! I'm overcoming that feeling of dread and despair. I'm beating it! And I'm stronger for it. And I can stand proud because of that. But a coward like you must have stopped growing a long time ago!"_

_There was a lengthy pause, as time seemed to have frozen. Neither child nor demond moved. Then finally, one spoke._

"… **_perhaps"_**

"_So… you'll admit it…"_

"**_My strength… always, it was unlimited. Without end. Without Horizon. Never once did it stop growing. When it all began, I was alone… In the demon realm there was just me and space. Empty space. Then there was a world on which to live, what created it? Perhaps the realm itself was lonely. But as more demons appeared and grew, one thing never changed. Always… I was the strongest. From the very beginning I was without peer. Without equal. I fought, I grew, I learned… sometimes I would be challenged, but I was always faster, stronger, swifter, smarter… One day… they called me 'King'. Then, they called me 'God'."_**

"…"

"**_Yet, I wonder why… none of these things ever made me feel satisfied?"_**

IIII

Sarutobi saw that look in his former student's eye. This was bad. Tsunade had been backed into a wall with her adopted son's life on the line. She'd lost two, and if she thought that there was even a chance that she'd lose her son here as well, then she would eradicate that chance with any firepower she could possibly pull out. Right now there wasn't a price on this earth that she wouldn't pay; and she would raze most of Konoha to the ground, or simply flee out the front gates with her son: whichever was the _surer bet_. She didn't gamble with he son's life, she'd made that very clear in their meeting the very day she'd arrived in Konoha. Sarutobi hadn't had much contact with his former student over the past years, but he knew that Tsunade knew that ANBU skill at assassination – and willingness to use it – topped hers. But she was a Sannin and they were not. He knew that Tsunade knew just how blindingly fast ANBU could act. And he knew that Tsunade _knew_ that she was _faster_.

The tension was dangerous. The ANBU captain made to throw his senbon needle – aimed to incapacitate, not kill – but Tsunade's chakra had already been moulded and built up within her right fist, the one that had supposedly been twitching in 'nervous energy'.

"STOP!" the Hokage commanded. He didn't want to _know _just what Tsunade was planning with the metaphorical chakra nuclear-warhead she'd gathered in her right fist –without the ANBU noticing.

"Tsunade…" Sarutobi sighed, feeling old and tired. He looked his former student straight in the eye and saw a mother that had just seen her son attacked by a mob and wanted him to be safe and well. And Sarutobi felt sick. That mob was from his village, which he watched over. It was _his_ mob. "Tsunade…" the old man bowed his head sharply. "I'm sorry. On behalf of Konoha: I'm so sorry"

Tsunade let out the breath she'd been holding. "We're leaving."

"Of course" Sarutobi's head remained bowed. The ANBU's heads were bowed as well. And the Joinins, _and_ the Chuunins were the same image. For when the Hokage bows his head on behalf of the village, all shinobi must bow their heads. "We won't trouble you further."

Tsunade gingerly took her son from Shizune and looked her old sensei in the eye. "Sensei, I don't think I'll ever really forgive Konoha. But if you say 'gomen nasai' on behalf of just yourself, then... I'll consider it." Tsunade said this: frankly and honestly, then turned to leave. Shizune bowed hastily once to the Hokage and followed. And just like this – not even going back to the Hyuuga Compound for their things – the Houous left Konoha

-

-

-

* * *

_Omake_

_Jiraya actually showed up at the Hyuuga Compound one day, though he could not stay for longer than a day_

"Jiraiya-sama, we'll need proof of your identity" a stiff Hyuuga guard informed… stiffly.

Rather than be discouraged, Jiraiya chuckled briefly and up his 'egotistical-gauge' by 100 percent. He put one hand before him and scrunched his face up to look _especially _'intimidating'. "The man known in every country in the world!" he hopped to the left

"Men say his name in envy! Women sigh his name in wistfulness!" he hopped to the right

"The fantastic Toad Hermit!" and back to the left again

"The unbeatable Sannin!" right…

"The ultimate author!"…left

"The wonderful!" Now this was different, this time he stomped his foot as if he were a sumo wrestler.

"The spectacular!" and the other foot

"**Jiraiya-sama!**" he held up a copy of his latest novel for either emphasis, or just because he loved to show the damn thing off and enjoyed bringing more comparatively-innocent people over to the 'perverted side of the world'.

Unexpectedly, the guard turned to his companion, who was also a guard. "Do you have Naruto-sama's list?"

"Yes. Here."

"Ah," the first guard produced a pen and began to go down the list.

"Silver hair: check" the guard announced, "Introduction dance that involves hopping, talking of women, and seemingly random lines of self-praise: check" he continued, straight faced and serious – as a guard should be. "Picture in a perverted book…: check, one or more slap-marks on his face: hmm, there is no slap-mark?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!" Jiraya shouted, pointing at the offending list. Obviously, he'd picked up how to swear from his nephew – to a point.

"Ah. This is Naruto-sama's checklist list. We are under explicit orders not to allow you to pass unless you meet the requirements" The guard stoically informed.

"You what? Whose orders!" The Sannin demanded

"Naruto-sama's orders, of course…" the guard informed

"WHAT?" That brat? That brat!

"He informed us that: 'Byakugan or whatever, if the guy doesn't even meet these requirements then he's definitely not my uncle!' Now please, if you would be so kind as to leave the premises..." The guard politely dismissed.

"Wait" Jiraiya said, holing up his hand in a 'stop' gesture. "It's a genjitsu"

"Excuse me?" The guards blinked

The Sannin sighed deeply. That brat just knew him too damn well. "Kai!" the genjitsu lifted and, lo-and-behold, Jiraya's previously un-slapped face was now littered in not only slaps, but bumps, bruises, and footprints as well. "There! Now let me in already, I have a nephew to beat up…"

"Hmm…" the Hyuuga considered. "Yes, the genjitsu release has confirmed check number four. Also: the bumps, bruises, and footprints confirm check numbers five through seven."

That brat! "Alright, so let me in already!" the Sannin demanded

The guards looked to each other, briefly.

"No" the reply was in stereo

Jiraiya's eye began to twitch, though it was difficult to see, since that particular eye was so swollen… "E-Excuse me? Are you saying that I still don't pass that stupid test!"

"No, you pass the test" the Hyuuga guard on the left informed. "I'd just rather believe that your current face is the genjutsu"

"Y-You what?" Jiraiya stuttered in disbelief

"Yes. You see, I have a wife" the guard informed, as if that revealed anything at all.

"And I have a sister" the other added.

"And…" Jiraiya ground out.

"And really, I'd just rather you weren't anywhere near the same general area as my wife at all" the first guard informed. "I have to protect her honor, after all"

"Same here for my sister" guard number two added helpfully.

"Th-This… You!" Jiraiya yelled. He glared furiously between the two seemingly unassuming guards "You guys are actually real bastards aren't you!"

"No, not really" Hyuuga guard number two denied. "We prefer to think of ourselves as new-age guards that solve our problems pro-actively and in a non-violent manner"

"Yes" the other agreed. "Fighting without fighting and all that"

"You what?.! " Jiraiya blustered. "You're pretending that you don't know who I am!"

"Oh yes. Well, it's all very new-age. Reject reality and pretend your problem's something else and eventually some other person will deal with it" guard one informed

"It's all in the handbook" guard two added

"Handbook… you say" Jiraiya couldn't handle this. Such a ridiculous, yet somehow believable scenario… Now he pissed of **and** exasperated. He could feel the headache coming on. Guards these days. Non-violent guarding? What was this world coming to?

"Yes. Naruto-sama's handbook" guard two supplied

Naruto! That did it, Jiraiya felt the headache: it was a big one. He wondered… was that nephew of his trying to corrupt the world…

"It's a terrific handbook. We used to just be a pair of boring guards that used to debase ourselves to such beastly acts as 'patrolling' and 'defending against intruders'" guard one sighed

"Oh yes. It did horrible things to my feet, that patrolling. I used to get blisters…" guard two reminisced

"Now we just stand around all day and dismiss our problems in various underhanded and selfish ways" guard one summarized

"Ah, yes. Times are good" the other agreed.

Jiraiya stared at them. Really, soon he would probably just walk by them. Truly, there must have been some more _reasonable _guards inside "Urgh…"

"Fantastic handbook. Changed our lives" guard one mused

"Yes. And the title's so appropriate, as well" the other agreed

"…What's the title?" Jiraiya – grumbling – asked

"Hm? Oh that…?" guard one blinked. "It's 'How to Trick an Idiot Ero-Uncle!'"

"Wh-WHAT!" Jiraiya screamed.

Naruto de-Henge'd and dismissed his Henge'd Bunshin. Two 'poof's of smoke later, the blond boy stood grinning maniacally at his uncle and looking like he was simply the cleverest damn thing in the world. "BWHA HA HA HA You're such an idiot, you 'beat-up Ero-Baka'! In punishment for being such a useless pervert: you have just been PRANKED!"

Jiraiya, to his credit, only screamed "DIE!" and lunged at his nephew. The brat had been those guards all along!

Naruto proceeded to nimbly run for his life. Somehow, he managed to get the time to stick out his tongue and go "nyaa nyaa" as he'd always wanted to do that at least once…

Hinata had been hit with uncontrollable giggle fits up in the room she was using for study. Her nature might have had her been concerned about the white-haired man, or condemning for trickery, but… If it was Naruto-kun, then she would have faith in him…

So she could giggle freely!

Neji watched the blond boy scamper out of Jiraiya's warpath in awe as they passed him. "As I thought" Neji muttered to himself, wonderingly. "Naruto-sama is a true prodigy-genius. To force even a Sannin to get this serious…"

_End._

* * *

Near the beginning was very difficult to write. It was so hard to figure out how to get that scene there, for some reason. 

I'm pretty sure Tenten isn't given a family name in the series, so I picked out Kyougu. It means 'dangerous weapons'.

Tenten means 'here and there', 'little by little', or sporadically

Kyougu Hitoe was made up by me. I don't remember hearing anything about Tenten's mother in the series at all. Hitoe means 'one layer', or 'single'

Senbon needles are those throwing needles that Haku and various others have

Craptastic is a word that I really enjoyed writing. It's a cross between 'crap' and 'fantastic'. Basically, I believe it's the same as 'crap' but oh so much more fun to say.

Disasterriffic works on the same principle.

I had thought the volume of wordage was a little high for one chapter. I worried that people would zone out or something. For a while, I played with the idea of splitting the chapter into two at "S-Sorry Sakura-chan. Could you help me walk home?"

Also, at the point of Naruto's first blackout. Would have been quite a cliff-hanger

Check it out: I actually referenced stuff from every single previous chapter. Examples:

The way Naruto's whisker marks came about – chapter 1

The info on his 'condition' – chapter 2

Tsunade opening the grand gates on her own – chapter 3

The meeting Tsunade went to with Sandaime on the Houous first day in Konoha – chapter 4

Hinata's calligraphy and Neji's respect for Naruto – chapter 5

Naruto learning tree-climbing –chapter 6

Sandiame did not liken Tsunade's fist to a nuclear-warhead. That was me: the author.

In the Omake, Naruto takes a list from his Bunshin: how? The list was just an illusion from the start. He only appeared to actually check anything off. What a crafty guy…

Today I'll share something with you: a group called 'oranges in the sun' that works on translating Naruto mangas that were done by some truly excellent artists and Naruto-fans. The majority of them are from 'Keroyon-jima'. I find them truly great. I can't put the address up here, exactly. But by putting spaces between parts, it can somehow be loaded...

www . cinnamonstars . com / naruto /

I have a BETA now, purely for typo checking. Very cool. Though he hasn't checked the author's comments yet. He doesn't know Naruto and so some names might still be misspelled…

**This is particularly important:**

-- Regarding Naruto's varying levels of ability of speech. I was actually going to say this during the next chapter but oh well: He's been exposed to a wide vocabulary. His mom doesn't only swear. Shizune certienally would try for a positive influence. Both are intelligent medic-nins with book-smarts. If he seems wiser that he should during his speech with Kyuubi (I can understand if someone feels like that) then consider that he's been traveling throughout Fire Country all his life. He's grown up knowing that his cheeks were forever scarred by a medic-nin from his home village. Consider that his 'condition' acts up every new moon. Consider that he's had to deal with being fundamentally different for his whole life. There's a bit more to it, but that's for next chapter

If I slip in something unrealistic: you can mention it but forgive me, all right? Some of those unrealistic things are only questions waiting to be answered. And at least I don't make episodes where suddenly there's technology capable of turning an artic tundra level country into one big spring time field: flowers and all. _Fertile soil _and all. (Naruto movie 1)

The way I see it, this chapter can basically be grouped into five categories containing related scenes: the sandcastle scenes (including the falling wall), the festival scenes (including the first blackout), the Kyuubi scenes, the Tsunade scenes, and the Omake. If you review and you read this. You can tell me which one you liked the best, if you want. The input would be nice

The document manager won't let me put a "!" beside a "?". I have to put a "." between them to get them up there. Many other characters have gotten swallowed by the document manager as well. Anyone know how I can get around this? Please?

I'm just about as busy as I expected, times two.

Please Review.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 8

Aftermath

_The Houous had a long walk out of Konoha territory. On that walk, Tsunade moved with a forceful step. Chiefly amongst the emotions she felt were concern, sorrow, and anger. She was angry at both Konoha for what the village had done to Naruto, and at herself for letting it get as far as it had. She had a responsibility of love towards her son and she had failed it. It was that simple. And for Tsunade: excuses – valid though they may be – did not count for much in the face of that. The next patrol that crossed that path would report a trail of destroyed trees, boulders, and small rock faces that had, supposedly, gotten in the woman's way. _

The air was heavy as the Houous trekked onwards – two conscious and one not – and met a fork in the road leading to a large town that they had stayed at once before.

Tsunade did not pause in her stride as she passed the town. "We're not stopping yet" was her only words.

It was not that she was realistically expecting trouble to follow them or any such thing not now that Naruto had a Sannin such as herself holding him. Rather, she just wanted to get farther away from what had wounded her son. Her unease would not diminish until they had doubled the distance. Shizune did not complain, though she had not slept or rested in over twenty-four hours due to the operation on Hinata's mother and the later searching, finding, and leaving with her Otoutou. But Shizune could not feel the pain in her feet, stomach, or back: the suffering within her heart was far too consuming.

_Eventually, the Houous made it to a small, unexceptional village and rented the largest room they could – which was actually not large at all – at the only hotel that was opened that time of night. Through what remained of the night, Tsunade and Shizune stayed by Naruto's bedside. And when he regained consciousness in the morning, the boy was greeted by an array of reassurances such as "you did the right thing" and "those bastards won't lay another finger on you", tight hugs, and tears right off the bat. For this: he was both very grateful and very relieved. It was noon by the time the Houous left the small hotel room. All were hungry, and made their way to the best looking restaurant the little town had to offer: where Tsunade forcibly demanded that they be served many plates of rolled omelette, rice, and miso soup. They were then told that those items were only offered on the breakfast menu and not now – at noon. Tsunade had only replied that was exactly the point and had then glared with such menacing promises in her look that the Houous soon found themselves being served breakfast for lunch. They spoke much, but not a word about Konoha was said over that breakfast and, finishing their meals, Tsunade and Shizune determinately led Naruto to the best day-late birthday party one could manage when one is still recovering from extreme blood loss, and with only one's sister and mother for company. That Naruto was not an emotional train wreck was a mark of inner strength and perseverance. Knowledge of the villagers' feelings about his existence was nothing new. His status as Kyuubi's container was never kept from him, never avoided by his family, and he had always had their acceptance. Even if a whole village would have him dead for that, it was a sure fact that his small but precious family did not feel the same. And so he tried to keep his self-image from being tainted by the words and actions of a mob. The civilians of his home village had attacked him, he was dealing with that. Time passed._

Naruto sat atop a high cliff, staring blankly at the expanse of town before and below him. It was not Konoha. Konoha had been left behind weeks ago, like a bittersweet dream…

He could scarcely think of the Hyuuga compound without smiling at his memories of playing hide-and-seek among other things with Hinata-chan. And the times they would spend talking, or enquiring about what the other were doing, and so on. The Hyuuga compound also brought to mind all the other Hyuugas who had made a prudent point of giving him – at least outwardly – the benefit of the doubt with regards to his 'demonic' threat level: perhaps due to his family name as a Houou. Perhaps out of sheer, "Hyuuga", almost _stuck-up_, discipline to authority and tradition.

He could scarcely think of that sandbox tucked against one side of the academy building without smiling at his memories with Sakura: building sandcastles, talking, and just plain having fun. Lastly…

He could scarcely think of the villagers of Konoha without an involuntary wince and furtively checking his surroundings.

Though he knew there would never be anything there, it was something he always did. Perhaps he was picking up his mother's sense of superstition... But on top of that stage, he had been at their mercy – of which they'd shown none. It was natural to retain a certain amount of uncertainty, he reasoned.

Actually, the town below him was in the midst of a festival. And he could not stand to be there, as if there was an actual, almost nauseating, physical force that repelled him. His adopted mother and sister were at the apothecary, which was open even on such a day as this. He doubted they knew there was a festival today, and even if they did know: he doubted they would expect his reaction to it. Naruto was proud to be able to be supremely tough when he had to be, and it had been two weeks of concern and support already…

He was fine most of the time: he really was. He was as close to acting normal as anyone could hope for acting – most of the time. It's just that on days like today when he's alone…

A particularly strong wind blew. It was a much warmer day than the any seen the yet this week, but though Fire Country had a warm climate compared to others, it **was** the twenty-fourth of October, after all. The lone blond-haired boy pulled his knees up to his chest in response to the chilly wind. He'd left his customary white jacket at home: the geeky one that he'd found himself wearing for its simple functionality. His gaze remained blank as he stared at the village beneath him.

He only snapped out of his blank daze when he felt a newfound weight on his shoulders: a jacket? And it wasn't white.

"Yo, brat."

"Ero-Uncle? You showed up…"

Jiraya sat down beside his nephew. Of course he'd shown up. Naruto was probably surprised that he'd taken so long to appear, since the hermit had missed the boy's birthday. The spiky haired Sannin indicated the jacket now draped on his nephew's shoulders. "Solid orange" he informed pointedly. "The single most extremely orange jacket ever designed in Grass Country – ever." He'd gotten it out of a bargain bin. With the local "pumpkin day" celebrations over, no one had wanted to buy the damn thing. In-fact, perhaps no one had **ever** wanted to buy the damn thing: if the scandalous looks he had to endure were any indications. Yes, it was that orange. And he was hoping it would be just the thing to spark the kid right up.

Naruto smiled, "thanks Ero-Uncle. It's awesome."

Jiraiya chuckled; glad to have more proof of how great he was at, well… damn near everything. At least, that was how it was meant to sound. Yet Jiraiya's laughter felt hollow in his own ears. "What, brat? That's it? No 'it's the best birthday present ever!' or 'you Ero-Baka, it's the wrong damn size!' No randomly screaming 'orange!' until I get a headache? I just gave you the most orange piece of clothing you've ever seen…" Jirayia trailed off, now permitting himself to sound worried. "And you didn't even flail around like a chipmunk on a sugar high. Naruto! Are you sick or what?" Though of course the Sannin knew what was wrong. Where else would he have been for the past two weeks than in Konoha? Arriving there a mere day late for his nephew's birthday, he'd come home to a living nightmare. Hearing what had transpired had been tough, but Jiraiya was tougher than that. Dealing with the aftermath was tougher, but Jiraiya – again – was tougher even than _that_. But that dull, melancholy look in Naruto's form pierced _straight through_ any toughness the Sannin could have.

Naruto sighed and stood up. Jiraiya stood up as well, his form dwarfing the smaller blond.

Regardless, the boy held his uncle's gaze. "Ero-Uncle, I want you to teach me."

_Ah, _Jiraiya thought, looking into blue eyes that had come to a resolution. Those eyes were tinged with sadness, fear, and reluctance, but Jiraiya could see the clarity of Naruto's decision in his unwavering gaze. _Then… it's time._

Not having realistically imagined that the events of Konoha could have ever come to pass with such startling ease, Naruto had discovered that the world wasn't quite what he thought it was and – though he disliked the notion – he now perceived that he would _need_ more than his mother's battle techniques if he wanted to be properly prepared for a future which now seemed so uncertain. He had never really limited himself to only his Kaa-chan's techniques. He had wanted to be able to fight, though he'd put healing skills first. In fact, he was pretty sure he still felt that way. But he had never felt a real necessity to 'fill in the gaps' that were inherent in his mother's highly specialized skill set. Now he did.

Jiraiya believed that: in life, there were some lessons that – if learned on one's own – would have a greater value by sevenfold. He also believed that: in life, there were some choices that should be made on one's own. But he knew… in fact he'd always known that Naruto would come to make this choice eventually. The life of Arashi's son could not be easy, and neither could the life of a Jinchuuriki. When the boy grew up and invariably found himself in a valley surrounded by wolves, at least he could be armed to the teeth.

His face was caught somewhere between a grim frown and a grimmer smile as he nodded his assent. They would start on perfecting Karyuu-Endan.

"One thing first though" Naruto said, looking once more at the village below. "There's a…. festival in town and well…" the boy fidgeted, looking almost ill. "You want to go… eat some lunch or something?"

So, Naruto would choose to face down his fears now, to ensure that his decision was not driven by an underlying fear of weakness. It was odd how Jiraiya could pick that type of complex motive out of a few simple sentences, but there were certain aspects of Naruto that were so similar to his father. So similar, in fact, to Jiraiya himself. _It would be my honour to be your support._ "Hmm, fine" Jiraiya agreed aloud. "But we're stopping by the bath-house on the way. I have my 'research' to consider, after all."

"What? Is there even anyone who would keep a bath-house open in the middle of a festival? Ero-Uncle, every time I see you I become more convinced that you have some type of mental disease…"

"It's called 'adulthood', brat"

"No, it's called 'pathetic'. Now come on, let's get going. I'll even pay for your freeloading ass."

_Hmm, not bad._ Jiraiya thought, noting the insult. It was a good sign. Many of the brat's insults were often too smart-mouthed to be thought up in a despondent mood. _Naruto, I'll have you swearing my ear off by nightfall._

IIII

Hinata crouched in front of the counting tree: in front of her and Naruto's tree. She was in pain, as evident from the way she clutched at her heart. The longing look in her eyes was an easy tip-off that the pain was not physical.

"My daughter, is that you?" Hyuuga Hiatari asked, arriving on the scene. Ever since the 'successful' surgery, her eyesight had gradually been returning, though not by much. But even this was a medical miracle, considering the many differences between Hyuuga eyes and those of anyone else.

Hinata turned to see her mother. "H-Hai, Okaa-sama, it is me…". She was then taken into her mother's careful embrace.

"Are you in pain?" Hiatari asked softly

Hinata produced the most despondent mumble Hiatari could ever dread to hear. "H-He's… **gone**"

"Oh…" Hiatari said, as if she hadn't suspected the cause of her daughter's distress all along.

"I-I didn't… even get to s-say goodbye!" Hinata cried. It was a small point, that she could not have said goodbye. A small drop that could be recognized in a vast ocean of misery which she could not name. Her closest, one and only friend, her laughter, had left. Chased out of the village by those she thought would celebrate his existence. She'd known him for only months, yet time in that period had moved so slowly. It had been so _precious_.

Hiatari smiled in a way she hoped was encouraging. "Do not worry so much, my daughter. Perhaps there will be no need for 'goodbye' at all."

"Wh-What do you mean?"

"It's true that Naruto-sama's departure was..." the woman fumbled for a word that would not cause more pain, "sudden. Yet one day he will likely return and on that day: you two may play together again." _At least, I hope that will be the case: for Konoha as well as for my daughter. If Houou Naruto were to return and play with my Hinata... then it would be a sign that he was amiable to peace with this villiage._ Jiraiya of the Sannin himself had been working in the aftermath of that fateful night, according to her husband. Apparently, the Sannin had been working in the background to sow seeds of a path for Naruto's hopefully eventual return. But there was a whole village whose collective view needed to be changed, or at the least: shifted. "At any rate, your father asked me to tell you… it's time for your calligraphy."

As Hiatari watched her daughter nod and walk off, she couldn't shake the feeling that the girl looked so ill... "But he said that, today, you must create only the most beautifully styled informal letter. He'll make sure it's delivered properly," Hiatari smiled sadly, "so it won't be like the ones you sent Naruto-sama before: where they weren't delivered."

Wide-eyed, Hinata sprinted off without so much as a "goodbye, Okaa-sama"

That day, the Hyuuga heiress holed herself up in her calligraphy room for two hours straight.

IIII

"Alright, let's get this started then brat," Jiraiya stood: stomach apparently full to bursting with nephew-purchased food and drink. The pair had returned to the same high cliff where they had met earlier in the day. The tree line was a good twenty fifteen paces behind them, and provided them with productive scenery. Good feng-shui and all that.

(A/N: feng-shui is the practice of placement and arrangement of space which is claimed to achieve harmony with the environment)

Naruto stood in front of him, face somewhere between one of careful attention to the speaker and a flat look that said "I can't believe it. Did you actually eat that much just to spite me?" But he was – after four hours of immersing himself in festival scenery – feeling much more 'over Konoha' now. A strange notion to him, as he'd thought he was _already_ 'over Konoha'.

"Now, the first order of business is to find out why your idiot self can't perform a single Karyuu-Endan."

"Shut up!"_ This is the guy I invite along for emotional support?_

"So student," Jiraiya said, pointedly ignoring Naruto's glare. _He really seems to be doing better now. Perhaps he really was more down than normal because of the festival. Naruto… it's not easy to keep you down at all, is it?_ "We're going to go into the theory of Karyuu-Endan a bit more. Its uses should be obvious even to a dimwit such as yourself. It's a projectile attack which can have its uses 'tweaked' a bit. For instance, it can really have a wide spread. Kunai are fine I guess… but a good Karyuu-Endan is just better. As far as projectile jutsu go, it's damn fast too. So! When was the last time you tried it?"

"Sensei, I have a question" Naruto raised his hand. "Do all teachers insult their students every other sentence, or is it just a perverted loser thing?"

"Do you want me to teach you or not!"

Naruto didn't miss a beat. "Well, I don't really want to learn from a guy like you," he proclaimed, throwing in a thoughtful sounding voice for effect. "But you're the only one here and you taught my father after all, so…"

"Arashi was a thousand times more respectful than you!"

Naruto cockily raised his hand again. "Sensei! Then have you become a thousand times more useless since back then?"

"You brat!" Jiraiya yelled angrily, scowling and pulling the boy's face up to his own. Whereupon, his voice dropped to a whisper "we're being watched"

_Thud!_

"What!" Naruto spun around. He came face to face with the very image of an assassination-specialist ninja. The lanky form had not a spot that wasn't covered in black cloth or the midnight visor hiding the stranger's eyes.

_Thud!_ The sound was repeated seven more times, and as many more black-covered figures dropped out from the tree line. Naruto back stepped in surprise, but became painfully aware of just how close he was to the edge of the cliff. _Shit!_

Jiraiya smoothly slid in front of his nephew. "No head protectors. Renegades? Sneaking up on me and Naruto… that's an impressive feat. But do you really think you can take me?"

Naruto's eyes were still wide: to the boy this whole situation seemed so surreal; things had been so normal seconds ago. Naruto swallowed the lump in his throat and steadied his footing. These guys had revealed themselves in the middle of such a moment of normalcy, the parallel between that and the assassination attempt he'd dealt with at his and Sakura-chan's sandbox two weeks ago was not lost on him. _They're probably… here for me._

Eight figures launched a cloud of kunai in a sparse flicker of motion.

"Doton:** Daichi Hada Tate!**" That Jiraiya could perform the earth shield technique in the time between the assailants had prepared to throw, and the time the kunai reached him was a testament of skill. There was a corresponding series of thuds as the kunai lodged in the thick and well chakra-reinforced curved shield. Though it was not much taller than Jiraiya himself, it was strong enough to handle projectiles such as kunai and shriuken; yet how long would this barrage last before higher-grade artillery would be pulled out?

Naruto had a sinking feeling in his stomach when the thuds of kunai did not let up. They were outnumbered, eight to two. His uncle was said to be quite formidable, but he'd never actually seen the man fight. Either way, Naruto knew he would have to do something. But what could he do? They were pinned down to the spot. Damn! He had one option: one desperate option. Maybe his uncle wouldn't need his help and it would all be for naught, but he wasn't going to take that chance.

Rat, horse, tiger, dog, ox, dragon, horse, hare… tiger!

The quiet, long drag of air alerted Jiraiya to the boy's plan. _Karyuu-Endan? The kid's strong, but he knows he's not fast enough to land a hit. Smart move kid, now hopefully you can pull it off._

Naruto's gaze became intense as he neared the end of his moulding. Slowly, his eyes closed as his mind became even more intensely focussed. Like this, the world shrank down to him and his targets. Over the whisper of his own breath intake, he thought he heard a crackling in the back of his mind. It was getting louder. _This… is all I can do. In fact, I probably can't even do this, but there's no way I won't try. It's either this or stand back and be helpless. No, I refuse! Like hell I would do something like that! _Closer… that crackling, what was it? It was tough, but he was focusing on his moulding and managing to keep a bead on the eight assassin's chakra sources at the same time. In his mind's eye, the picture of blankness was now inhabited by nine blue flames: his mental representation of chakra sources. And still… that crackling was getting louder, yet Naruto had no time for such frivolous details. _Please… _Naruto begged to himself **_Work!_ **

Time seemed to slow down to a crawl yet suddenly, the crackling was so much more than just that. It was a blazing roar as Naruto felt the presence of a hallucination he'd never forget arrive with vicious speed at his back… and waited. He did not turn to see the fire dragon behind him: poised to pounce, but he _knew_ that it was there… waiting for something.

Naruto's eyes snapped open and glared at his opponents with a frightening intensity **_Katon: _**echoed the boy's mind, **_Karyuu-ENDAN!_**

Naruto's head and indeed, his entire body snapped back from the recoil as hell was let loose in a breath.

The fire dragon 'missile' did not roar in freedom, it only sizzled the air and blazed its way in a punch through the back of Jiraiya's shield with no perceivable difficulty at all. It met even less resistance as it punched through a black-clad ninja and forest-line beyond. All in an instant.

Jiraiya was startled at the sheer focus displayed in the jutsu. It was not large by Karyuu Endan standards, but its power was concentrated to an extreme. However, the silver haired man's surprise was clamped down on in the next split-second. Jiraiya snapped his head to his nephew's location. The boy was wide-eyed, surprised at the force of his own technique, but yet more surprised at the kickback which was sending him flying the short distance off the edge of the cliff.

The silver-haired man launched himself to the cliff's edge with an arm outstretched. Too little, too late. "Naruto!"

He was on the verge of launching himself downwards off the cliff face, catching his nephew, and dealing with the landing in some last-second plan, but was interrupted by a sight he hadn't expected.

Naruto looked more grave than the toad-hermit had ever seen him. "Hurry and pull me up, Ero-Baka" he demanded, standing on the side of the cliff easily, and grabbing his uncle's still dumbly outstretched arm, "we've got some bad guys to toast"

Jiraiya broke out of his doubly-surprised look with a "tche". So Naruto had finally finished the tree-climbing exercise. He easily hoisted his nephew up but held his wrists in place to forestall yet another Karyuu-Endan.

Naruto shot his uncle a look demanding an explanation. Every second of inaction was a second where they were little more than human-shaped target practice props.

"They… aren't real."

"What?!"

Jiraiya smiled a proud smile –as if Naruto had passed some type of training regime with exceptional results– and the black-clad ninja behind him de-henged in puffs of smoke, revealing... yet more Jiraiyas? Impossible.

A nearby frog croaked oblivious to the impending violence. It was the only sound made in the vast seconds it took for everything to sink into poor Naruto's mind.

"B-Bunshin no jutsu?" Naruto yelled, between disbelieving shock and equally disbelieving outrage. "Bunshin no **#(-#$) **jutsu?" he then roared. "You... you _bastard_! Is this some kind of **#(#-#$** up revenge for that prank I pulled?.!!" he yelled, incensed beyond imagining.

Surprisingly, Jiraiya actually paled in the face of his nephew's rage, which was radiating levels of anger and violence at 'pissed off Tsunade' like magnitudes. "N-No, no," he placated. "This is training, I swear. Like your father, you pull out all the stops when you're backed into a corner, so I…"

"Ero-Uncle… Y...You… **Y-You…!**"

"Er…" Jiraiya didn't like the way his nephew's voice seemed to echo with malcontent. "Well you did it, didn't you? That Karyuu-Endan!"

"...That's true" Naruto eventually, slowly admitted, yet he did not decrease his glare. He had been worried for his and his uncle's very lives! "But I swear to god I will make your life a living hell for the next five days" the blond said gravely before drawing back, craning back his head, and shooting a look at his uncle down his nose which proposed that Jiraiya really had no idea what level of horror he was in store for. "Be prepared… to repent in your **misery**, _Ero-Yarou_."

-

-

-

* * *

_Omake_

_There were many questions that were not answered that day on both sides. Naruto wanted to know how a Bunshin could create such a level of chakra-output, and Jiraiya wanted to know just what was up with Naruto producing a Karyuu-Endan of such force. However, these questions would have to wait a day or so, as more… pressing matters were at hand._

"Tsunade! Tsunade for the love of all that is good, help me!" a battered Jiraiya yelled desperately as he approached his old team mate in the middle of the shopping district. The man and his clothes looked like they had just been through a meat grinder and lived to tell the tale. "Please!" he frantically begged. "Please!"

Tsunade raised a delicate eyebrow at her former team mate. Her silent question of 'what have you done now?' was answered in the form of approaching hordes of angry women… from all sides. "Oh" Tsunade said. "You want me to get Naru-chan to stop, huh?"

"He's been leaking information to them!" Jiraiya insisted, yelling over the menacingly approaching crowd. "He's been organizing them! Help me! Save me!" Jiraiya felt the cold surface of a glassy store-front window at his back through the rips in his tattered clothing and the man knew fear. "He's turned them into vicious monsters!"

Some of the women noticed Tsunade who, compared to Jiraiya, was on the complete opposite of the respect-spectrum for her glorious additions to female pride everywhere. Seeing attention focussed on her, Tsunade knew it was time to make a choice. She chose her son, of course. "Oh, Jiraiya. Every time I catch you, you repent your perversity and I foolishly believed you. Yet for four years now you have been trying to corrupt my son, and use him to aid you in your deranged, daily tasks…" It helped that the villagers didn't know about Naruto's status as a Jinchuuriki. In fact, Outside of Konoha, most villages in fire country actually didn't know about her son's connection with Kyuubi: a feat accomplished by a deal she'd extracted from her old Sensei before she'd left Konoha that fateful day she'd adopted Naruto as her own.

Screams of "What!", "Unbelievable!", "Inhuman!", and "Enemy of women and children everywhere!" were heard repeatedly from the increasingly violent din of the female crowd.

"Yes" Tsunade fake-lamented. As if her Naruto would give in to the old pervert's corruption! "And I had been willing to forgive and forget. I had thought that you would change! I thought you truly cared for the one you would call nephew, but it's become so clear that the only one you care for… is yourself!" Tsunade only regretted that she wasn't as good at getting the pervert into trouble as her son was. The boy was capable of taking such acts and breaking it down into a _science_. Once or twice, he had gone so far as to research new words, and then practicing them in a written speech, all for the sole purpose of using them to prank or insult his uncle.

And now it seemed that the boy was moving into an even more terrifying pervert-punishing strategy.

Jiraiya, and indeed most male shinobi, had an iron, unspoken rule of refraining from using ninja techniques to either incapacitate or escape civilian women, lest they be gossiped about and shunned by the female half of the world. Because, simply, in Jiraiya's experience: female civilians knew how to hold a grudge if you didn't either talk them out of wanting to hurt you or accept your punishment 'like a man'.

But back to the subject at hand: Jiraiya was frantic with terror. The wall of angry women was closing in by the second.

_Creaaak!_

All movement paused as the glass door just to Jiraiya's right opened and a group of men walked into the street, and therefore, into the middle of the closing ring of women intent on bodily harm.

The men who were, it turns out, but the first of a stream of males leaving the shop froze solid as the situation and tension in the air became known to them.

It was then that Jiraiya spotted the books many of them were carrying. The orange covered novel was easily recognizable as his precious creation of mass perversion.

Comrades in arms! He smiled, realizing that the shop window he was now pressed against must indeed belong to a book store that had only just stocked his newest novel not less than an hour ago at twelve o'clock noon.

Wait. Wasn't that a little too convenient? The situation suddenly reeked of either irony or fate getting ready to kick the everliving daylights out of his sorry ass. Jiraiya's smile started to falter.

"Ah! Jiraiya-sama!" one man greeted reverently, clutching his copy of the book close to his heart. "Your latest–"

Anything further the man might have said was cut off by the sound of a sickeningly sweet voice "A-na-ta?"

Oh dear. The man noticed his wife in the crowd, hid the book with masterful swiftness, realized exactly the situation that was underway, shot Jiraiya an apologetic look, and dutifully grabbed the large broomstick his wife daintily handed to him with a smile on her face.

_Oh shit!_ Jiraiya's mind screamed as the scene was repeated with only marginal variation for every man that left the bookstore. Even men that weren't romantically involved with anyone were somehow coerced onto the side of the female crowd. The market street became full to bursting with women that each insisted they wanted to get at least one, solidly satisfying slap or kick in personally and men that really had no sane choice but to refer to Jiraiya strictly as an "enemy of women everywhere" and act like they wanted to get at least one hit in as well, whether they actually felt like that or not.

A thought occurred to Jiraiya. Really, compared to what happened to his nephew two weeks prior, this was less than nothing. These people were not the sum populace of a village out to kill him, and they were mobbing him after he had actually done several perverted things and not after having saved one of their own. These women were angry as hell, but not truly hateful with the ferocity that Konoha had been. Yet he still didn't see why he had to endure this hell! "I repent!" he desperately cried, hoping that wherever the boy was, he could hear his heartfelt pleas for mercy. The crowd closed in. "I REPENT!"

Shizune turned to her Otoutou, who had just arrived on the scene with her. "Did you hear that, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto made a reluctant sound. "Yeah, I suppose I can just let him off the hook after today… It's not like I have anything that can top this. That Ero-Baka won't fall for this a second time and I don't really want to spend any time thinking of something new… I _did_ complete my Karyuu-Endan today, too, I guess…."

Shizune smiled at the boy, feeling – god forbid – sympathetic to the painful pleas for mercy coming from the frog Sannin's location, such as "No, not there I beg you!" and "That doesn't come off! That doesn't come off! For the love of god, stop trying to rip it off!"

Tsunade looked thoughtful at what her son had just said. "No" she disagreed. "You know, I really think you should just go for the whole five days" she said with glee. "Why not? Hell, I'll help you"

"T-Tsunade-sama!"

"Huh? Really, you'd help? Well, things would be a lot easier…"

"Sure, of course. Just tell me what you need me to do, Naru-chan. It's about time that perverse idiot got his proper punishment…" Tsunade grinned vindictively.

Jiraiya's pained wailing once more cut off the Houou's conversation "You can't do that!" The pervert insisted. "That's my writing hand! I'm an author!"

"What? He's an author?" one woman asked, not having known this

"Yeah, he writes those orange ecchi novels" another woman responded

"_Break_ that hand!"

"W-WAIT!" Jiraiya interrupted. Surprisingly, people actually did wait to hear the man out. He addressed the real driving force behind his current pain, the women. "It's become clear that I'm going to die today. So you all should at least do the decent thing and flash me some flesh so I can go to heaven with a smile on my face" he reasoned.

**Total**-outraged-disbelief.

Suddenly, half the men – the married half with wives in the crowd – had much, much less difficulty becoming enthusiastic about kicking Jiraiya in painful places.

"Um, Kaa-chan. You know, I really think just today will be enough and honestly… I think it'll be a little dangerous for Ero-Backa's health if he gets hit at all in the next few days. M-Maybe I went too far, he might be in casts or something…"

"What, just from this?" Tsunade asked incredulously. "This is nothing to that guy. He's just being whiny." Tsunade insisted, and was going to say more, but she was rudely interrupted by a high-pitched scream

"The pain! Oh the pain!"

"Tsunade-sama… I don't think it would be wise…"

"Oh, nonsense. He's done his endurance training. And you can't tell just by looking at him, but internally he's fine. That idiot reinforces his internal defence by moulding chakra right underneath the surface of his skin: so only the top looks hurt, really"

"What?" Naruto exclaimed. "That… that cheater!"

"Exactly, see? Don't you want to punish him some more? Huh?" Tsunade prodded

"Tsunade-sama! Stop trying to force Naruto-kun into things!"

"Sure, let's do it Kaa-chan"

"Otoutou!"

"That's my son!"

"Tsunade-sama!"

"Just one more day, though. I'm stopping after tomorrow…" Naruto informed.

"_Sigh_… well, I guess that's enough then. It's just that this looks so much more satisfying than merely punching him when he's perverted…"

"No! You two are going too far! Otoutou, you have to–"

"By the way, Shizune. I didn't tall you did I?" Tsunade rhetorically asked. "Jiraiya actually is planning on teaching Naru-chan some more techniques but he wants Naruto to help him be perverted in return"

"…" silence from Shizune. Her head tilted downwards and her hair fell over her eyes and cast them in shadow.

"Oh that? Was he actually being serious? Shit, I don't want to but…"

"…"

"Don't worry, Naru-chan, we'll get him to change his mind somehow."

"…"

"I suppose... but how?"

"Tomorrow...: We rain _suffering _down upon Jiraiya-sama," Shizune finally spoke out in the form of a growl: uncharacteristically promising Jiraiya's fate as a painful one in a surprisingly dark tone, "until he 'changes his mind'."

"Heh, I knew you'd see reason Shizune. I didn't take you on as my apprentice for nothing, after all."

"What? You never said anything like that before, Kaa-chan. You're just making stuff up!"

"Oh _when _will the pain stop?! When will you have _mercy_?" Jiraiya wailed.

_End._

* * *

The omake just kept dragging out longer and longer. 

Actually, at first I hadn't been planning to have an omake: I didn't think I had an idea for one and I wasn't willing to wait until I had one to post this chapter. But then my muse whispered inspiration into my ear and so there is an omake after all.

Jinchuuriki is the title for a demon container in the Naruto world

The -yarou suffix is really impolite. Kind of like swearing. Think 'baka' but harsher and not specific to a person's intelligence and more to do with them being a… well, 'jerk' would be a… 'milder' word…

Doton: Daichi Hada Tate means Earth Release/Art/Style: Ground Body Shield

Anata means 'you', but can also mean 'dear' like what a wife would call her husband.

Ecchi is perverted or lewd

Author's favorite line this chapter: Oh dear. The man noticed his wife in the crowd, hid the book with masterful swiftness, realized exactly the situation that was underway, shot Jiraiya an apologetic look, and dutifully grabbed the large broomstick his wife daintily handed to him with a smile on her face.

My BETA reader was quite good with the typo checking. Can you tell?

Thanks for the reviews last chapter. I hope you all know that I can't have perfect chapters all the time…

As always, the feedback has been quite helpful.

I pose a question today which you can answer if you feel thusly inclined: "Would you perfer to have the explanitory parts of the author's notes (such as what Ecchi or Anata means) just in the authors notes, or would you like those scattered at relevant parts within the fic? (Like my explination of feng-shui this chapter)". I'm not going to take

Please Review

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 9

Two Years

_Life returned to a semblance of normalcy for the Houous. About the fateful night of Hero's Day: they moved on. They never forgot – and never, ever, would forget – but they moved on. The next few years markedly showed, in accordance to Naruto's new resolve, a number of interesting developments. Jiraiya, of course, trained Naruto 'for real' as opposed to merely leaving him with a few frogs to spar against. However, even so, Jiraiya would always stay only Jiraiya. And while each of Jiraiya's training methods did have actual benefits, arguments would often break out over the efficiencies of some of these methods._

"Okay, kid. Today let's work on stealth trai–"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait" Naruto immediately interrupted. "Is this '_actual_ stealth training' training, or is this 'try to get Naruto to help me peek on the hot springs and call it stealth training' training?"

"…" Jiraiya looked at his pupil as he carefully considered the question "… is there a difference?"

"Ero-Uncle…" the student growled menacingly, "you damn perverted, useless sensei! Like I'd go along with crap like that! Don't lower me to your level!"

The frog Sannin looked both incredulous and insulted. "Are you questioning my training methods? A student should just sit quietly and learn!" he demanded imperially.

Naruto glared angrily. "What the hell? I'm definitely questioning your training methods! I'm **telling** you that I don't want to learn your peeking skills in the first place!" Stealth? Fine. But for the love of god, why did this guy have to sneak peeking in along with any ()(&&$ action he could manage to… Wait, was he just trying to piss Naruto off? Since it was a pervert like his uncle, he really couldn't tell…

IIII

_But, before all else, he was his mother's son and endeavoured to advance in her medical teachings. Well, though every now and then a distraction would arise…_

"Alright Naru-chan, what's here?" Tsunade asked, pointing to a body-sized picture of the human body.

"What?" Naruto said flatly. "…skin"

"You idiot, you know what I mean!"

"… someone's neck"

"That's it!" Tsunade howled as if she'd been pushed to the edge of her tolerance and then been shoulder-charged off that edge by Gamabunta. "You've been pissing me off all day; explain yourself or be noogied all to hell!"

It was as if Naruto was waiting for this as some form of que. "Acting like you don't know! Kaa-chan…" the blond ground his teeth.

Tsunade's sigh was a tired and defeated one, "damnit Naru-chan… I was going to pay you back, really…" she already felt guilty about it. Would the brat just let it go…

"My money! You took my money! You're as bad as Ero-Uncle!" Naruto was practically hysteric. "I still can't believe it!"

"Look–!" the mother's flustered voice revealed her discomfort. "I told you I was only borrowing it! You have so +&$#! much, I don't even know how you noticed I took _any_!" Indeed: Naruto had, when he was younger, been allowed into a gambling establishment and walked away several pounds heavier… in cash. He'd let his Nee-chan use most of it to clear off no insubstantial number of debts, but he'd kept a portion of it to himself. Henceforth, this secretly hidden stash had been named the "Naruto Ramen and Awesome Stuff Reserve". Truly, it was a sacred and wonderful thing. And to take from this: the most cherished of cherishable stashes of money, was an unforgivable offence indeed.

"But I needed some sake money!" Tsunade almost pleaded – almost. "And it was hardly anything!"

"No one touches the Naruto Ramen and Awesome Stuff Reserve" he informed her gravely.

"It was a 500 yen coin!"

"No one"

"I… You! This is– !" Tsunade: Sannin, mother, and veritable god of medic-nins the world over – spluttered indignantly for a response.

"And besides! You're my precious Kaa-chan, and I love you. But…" Naruto muttered darkly. "Are you expecting me to believe in your ability to pay off debts! What the hell kind of idiot do you think I am?!"

"You! Are you saying I can't even pay back my own son!" Tsunade was incensed

"If you have it, then give it to me!" Naruto demanded.

"What? That…" a short, ominous silence filled the room. "Later! I'll give it to you later!"

"You don't have it!" Naruto vindictively shouted. "You definitely don't have it!"

"Shut up! I'll give it to you later, so sit down and tell me which organ is here" she jabbed her finger at the picture once more – as if she were stabbing it. The Slug Sannin then pre-empted her son's demands, which she _knew_ were coming. "And I promise as your mother: I won't touch your stupid money reserve without permission again!"

_That_ stopped him cold. Naruto blinked, surprised, before sighing and sitting down again passively – still faintly annoyed, but passively – wiling to let that be the end of it for now. "The Parathyroid glands."

"And what do they do?" Tsunade asked in a lecturing tone. She was glad to get that conversation behind her. Honestly, taking 500 yen and replacing it before he noticed… it seemed painfully easy and harmless at the time… come to think of it, she should have cast a (&&(#& genjitsu on the stupid bag right from the start! Well it didn't matter anymore. She always kept her promises to Naruto: it was why her promises to him were so scarce in the first place. She'd simply never break one, she'd break her own arm first – she could heal her arm. If it was her heart or her son's trust, she wasn't so sure.

"Parathyroid hormone. It increases the calcium concentration in the blood." Naruto stated simply. Too easy.

Tsunade snapped out of her briefly wandering thoughts. "What? Yeah. And here?"

"The heart. It pumps blood throughout the body's arteries and veins…Why the hell are you asking such an easy question?"

"These are important! Each organ has its own function. If someone suffers internal injury and you only know the symptoms then you need to be able to connect that symptom to an imbalance in their bodies and know which organs were hit right away!" Tsunade barked. "It should take you one second. No, if you're going to be a medic on the field, it should take you less than one second! Anything less is a half-assed medic-nin! Now again, and faster! What's here!"

Naruto got it. Someone's life could depend on this. "The gallbladder! It stores about 50 milli-letres of bile for the digestion of fats!"

"Not enough! What are the properties of bile?"

_And so it continued. Being a medic-nin was more than just knowing enough Ijutsu, it was a matter of knowledge of the human body. Incidentally, Tsunade did in fact pay Naruto his 500 yen back at dinner that night, though a particular incident overshadowed that event. She then gave Shizune an I.O.U note made out to a local noble family worth 500 yen to put with her other debt-papers. Naruto's greatest progress was in his chakra-control. Having struggled with that issue his whole life, being told that he was growing at a far above-average rate was something that flooded him with awe, pride, and perhaps most dominantly: relief. Life was not moving on merely for the Houous, however. Back in the village of Konoha, life had progressed as well. _

x-Fire Country: Konoha-x

"Ino-chan!" a bubblegum haired girl called out. "Over here!"

The blond girl sighed and made her way over to the swings where her two-year friend Sakura sat waiting.

"What were you thinking about?" the curious pink-haired girl asked as her once-bully took the swing-seat beside her. Neither girl was actually using the swing to _swing_, but it was somewhere to sit this lazy afternoon. "It's like you're always daydreaming nowadays."

"Not _always_" was the stubborn, immediate response.

"Okay, okay." Sakura placated. The girl looked a far cry from how she'd been two years ago, mostly courtesy of Ino herself. Most notably, her hair now framed her face in a way that didn't have her forehead painted with a figurative "Bully Me!" sign.

Ino's friends took this time to appear on the scene and amicably take up spots sitting on the grass or against the nearby trees.

"Hey everyone!" one girl spoke up victoriously. "I saw Sasuke-kun today!" the girl yelled triumphantly. All girl-chatter ceased and attention was summarily diverted towards the girl. In a blink, the exited children crowded her, gossip-engines running full-throttle.

The girls seemed to brighten up at the name, minus the notable exception of Ino. "Sasuke?" Sakura asked eagerly, "you mean Uchiha Sasuke? 'The last Uchiha'?"

"Wow! What was he like? What was he doing?" an exited black-haired girl asked.

"He was shopping for vegetables!" the first girl informed

Gasps were heard all around, as if this was some strange, epic development. "So he likes vegetables!"

"Did you talk to him?" another excitedly asked.

"Oh no, I couldn't!"

Uchiha Sasuke: Ino vaguely pondered the name. Three months ago, a terrifying Uchiha prodigy had apparently gone insane and killed his own clan members. Now only Sasuke was left. The event was being called the "Uchiha Massacre" and was yet still the talk of the town. Of course it would be. The Uchihas had made up most of the police force; the lack of their presence on the streets was an easily identifiable thing, even for eight or nine-year-olds such as themselves. Uchiha Sasuke: the last Uchiha, the child that insisted to live on his own inside that huge Uchiha complex. Everyone spoke of him. All the adults did nothing but sympathize and praise him. Sometimes: the crowd would part for him, or he'd be escorted to eat for free someplace. An independent, quiet, and – according to just about everybody – perfect boy. No wonder he was a hot topic. He was like a real-life fairytale prince.

"Oooh, maybe I should become a ninja after all…" the brunette lamented. "Sasuke-kun's in the Ninja Academy already! I want to go too…"

"You can't, you can't. It's really tough if your parents aren't ninjas you know…"

This Uchiha Sasuke situation… normally she'd be all exited about it as well. He was their age after all; he could be her prince charming, her knight in shining armor. On top of that, he was the number one 'popular' topic right now. And Ino had a long history of being on the leading edge of such things. But somehow… she just couldn't share Sakura's or the other's enthusiasm. Uchiha Sasuke… really, he seemed so fantastic but the fact was she didn't like him. She'd seen him around, but he was so cold, and seemed so far away. He didn't seem like the kind of person she could look on as an equal. No, maybe he would even be someone she'd look at as a superior...

When everyone else started talking about 'lovey-dovey' stuff regarding Uchiha Sasuke, she kept thinking… of that blond-haired boy who'd stood up to her two years ago. If he were here, she could probably argue and talk with him, no problem. She wouldn't have to watch her words or change her hair for him. Strangely, that just seemed… more appealing, somehow. She couldn't explain it, was she being lazy? These thoughts often occupied her. People kept saying that she was looking quite thoughtful all the time.

"Ino-chan!" Sakura called.

Snapping back to reality, it seemed that all of Ino's 'sometimes friends' and Sakura: her only 'constant friend', were up and ready to leave.

"Ino-chan, let's go!" Sakura motioned to the other girls, who were walking away. Without a doubt, Sakura wasn't impressive enough to hang out with such cool kids on her own. What she did have going for her was that she was the only person that _Ino_ hung out with, with any kind of consistency. And Ino was, basically, popular enough for the both of them.

"No, I'm not coming today" Ino responded, not getting up from the swing. A brief silence hung in the air: one of contemplation "… Hey Sakura, do you remember the day we became friends?"

Sakura jolted, startled. "Huh? You mean at the sandbox?" Sakura was half surprised, half bewildered. Where had that come from?

"Yeah, I'd been looking around for that blond friend of yours but couldn't find him anywhere" Ino thought back. "So then I asked you about him."

"I remember… I told you about the festival…" Sakura reminisced

"And do you remember about how he told you to wait somewhere before he went onto the stage, right?" Ino pressed. Sakura easily nodded to her question. "And you used to go back to that spot and wait around there for hours all the time."

"Um…" now Sakura was embarrassed. She fixed her gaze by her feet, "… yeah."

"Why did you do it?" Ino asked sharply, as if she were impatient.

"What? I… Well, I don't know. It's just… Naruto-kun did so much for me… but I couldn't do anything for him" Sakura's embarrassment was overshadowed now by a distant but enduring sadness. "The only thing I could do… the only thing he asked me to do… was to wait there for him."

That sad look there, Ino recalled, that exact same look two years ago was what caused her to suddenly think… that Sakura was worth helping out. And from there, a friendship had grown.

A very impatient voice grabbed Sakura's attention. "Sakura-chan, are you coming with us or not? Is Ino-chan coming?"

Sakura hastily ran to meet them "Ah! No, sorry: Ino-chan isn't coming, but I'm coming!" She looked back and waved. "Bye Ino-chan!"

Ino waved back and watched the girl leave, one question still weighing on her mind. _Sakura, but then why don't I see you there anymore?_

IIII

_The Houous, in their travels, finally made their way outside of Fire Country. There were two reasons for this: firstly, Tsunade deemed Naruto competent enough to travel to these new countries without things being overly dangerous. He was eight now. Secondly, there was a need to put assess Shizune's practical skill level against foreign diseases. This led to the Houous visiting Grass Country to cure a wealthy merchant – who'd demanded only the best but had, in the face of his death, managed to settle for the best's assistant. Next on the Houou's list of locations, was Wind Country. Among the less worldly educated, a series of particular questions are of unending confusion and amusement. These were questions surrounding the seemingly mismatched naming of other countries, for instance: Why exactly is Wind Country called such, when it is clearly much, much**hotter** than **Fire** Country? _

Naruto, age eight, mused on a great conundrum as he walked alongside his Kaa-chan and Nee-chan. As Naruto glanced around at the swirling sands of Wind Country, he realized something: Wind Country really was hot as hell, but it could never be called Fire Country. Indeed, while the heat was truly blistering, fire had no actual place here – for there was _nothing to burn_. There was simply not enough greenery for fuel in a place as barren as this.

Naruto squinted against the harsh wind, which was carrying sand into the air and proved to obscure vision, among doing other things. A white cloth – longer than any scarf – was wrapped around his head and acted as protection from the sun as well as a filter to keep the restless sands out of the young boy's lungs. The rest of his immediate family wore the same. _So this is Wind Country… it lives up to its name, as Kaa-chan had said. It's unreal. Does the wind really never change direction? It always blows towards the NorthEast, away from the heart of the country. If a force were to invade… between fighting against the sand and the wind just to reach the village, they'd be dead on their feet by the time they reached halfway to the front gates. And if Sand shinobi were mobilized to meet the invaders… they would only have the wind at their backs. It's a natural defensive and offensive advantage._

Naruto gritted his teeth, this damn sand, if only it were harder and his foot didn't sink in to it all the damn time...

Shizune's eyes widened in shock, seeing her otoutou take another heavy step in front of her to stand on top of the sand – and stay there. Shizune, confused and unsure, watched her own footing as she stepped forwards, but was only rewarded with her right leg sinking into the sand under her weight, as always. Her head snapped hastily up to meet the back of her adopted younger brother again.

"No, you're not hallucinating, Shizune" Tsunade's muffled voice barely made its way to her apprentice's ears. The woman was looking at her adopted son with fondness and pride. She felt an unreasonable urge to brag to somebody. "That's the real thing".

"B-But Tsunade-sama!" Shizune protested. Walking on sand without sinking in was nothing like walking on water. In the end, walking on water was simply a matter of pushing the right quantity of chakra out of your feet, so that you were pushed above it. Doing such a thing on top of sand would do nothing more than send the sand under your feet spraying in all directions as if a fan were strapped to your leg. To walk on sand as without sinking in at all… it involved pushing the chakra out of your feet and _grabbing_ not only the sand, but any gaps of air between the sand and holding everything together – _before your foot even lands_. It was a technique designed for the desert: once a person's foot sunk into the sand, no matter how slightly, physical energy and speed were lost. Shizune's eyes were pleading for reason "That's a B-rank Chuunin technique!"

Tsunade quirked her eyebrow, though she could definitely understand her assistant's confusion. It was a difficult thing to accept, but honestly, her apprentice should be better than this. "It's not like we can't do it too, Shizune"

Shizune absently stepped unto the sand as well. Yes, she could do it with ease, that was true. Even sand Jounins might have difficulty with this act, but it was a matter of chakra manipulation and in this field Shizune stood far above normal people. Yet she'd had training - and a full day to get it right. "But without any training at all, Naruto-kun just did it so suddenly! As if it were nothing!"

Hearing this, Tsunade was shocked. No, not about Naruto. "I can't believe this. You still don't get it? The rules of chakra manipulation that Naruto follows… are completely separate from the rules that anyone else uses" Tsunade sighed. "It's always been that way"

"I guess… but it's always strange to think that it could be so drastic… He's come so far in these past two years."

"It's not that it's drastic" Tsunade growled, attempting to drill this point home once and for all. "It's that your sub-conscious keeps thinking his growth should slow down already, but it barely does" This was her genius apprentice? Tsunade made a face "And why the hell are we talking about this at a time like now? Don't forget why we're trekking through this god-forsaken desert in the first place" Tsunade reminded. "It's time for your final exams."

_Indeed. Shizune considered herself Tsunade's apprentice for some time now, and would remain so in the future. However she was still, unfortunately, considered a 'student' in Tsunade's eyes, rather than a 'medic-nin'. A strange notion, considering the black-haired woman's capabilities. The fact was, however, that Tsunade's personal beliefs on what a medic-nin should actually be capable of were set quite high. And until Shizune completed this last step – on her own – her mentor would never accept her as a medic-nin straight until the day she died. The first test was cleared: treat a patient in another country, using only local ingredients for the crafting of medicine. Since Naruto was old enough to travel to new countries, she'd finally completed this step. The second one – the harder one – was all that remained. _

IIII

x-Wind Country: Sunagakure-x

Two guards stood watch diligently by the gates of Sunagakure: the hidden village of sand. They didn't speak a single word to each other. This was not due to a rigid adherence to duty, as Suna might have other villages believe. It wasn't even because they were sulking or silent types by nature. The fact was: they didn't trust each other at all. Was this strange? No…

In Sunagakure, everyone was afraid of each other. It was ingrained into their bones. The common, silent belief of every person in the village went something like this: It was a village of selfish back-stabbers that would do anything for the sake of improving their own lives. But then, it was a harsh and poor life in this village. The pain of monotonous, constant poverty had driven neighbors to each other's thoughts repeatedly. Only the children and those that were drunk on alcohol were spared from the mental taint upon this village, to a point. Just how much of that belief was exaggeration of the truth, and how much of that was reality in itself?

Squinting into the distance, the guards spotted an anomaly: people approached? From the NorthEast! Where they would have to battle the famed winds of their country head-on. The rightmost guard brought out a small telescope. What could it be? Perhaps they were survivors of a caravan that had been swallowed by a sandstorm? There was a child with them, walking on his own! A mere child walking through the vast and brutal desert. Ninjas, most certainly, and no average ones either. He was focusing on the following woman's face when her hawk-like gaze snapped directly to him.

"Shit!" the guard uncharacteristically exclaimed: stumbling backwards. Did… did she see him from that distance?

IIII

Tsunade increased her pace and walked beside her son. She was going to say something, but was predictably cut off

"Are we _there_ _yet_?" the boy asked, mirroring a key phrase spoken by children throughout the generations.

"For the last time, brat! Shut up and have some patience!" Tsunade demanded for the 'umpteenth' time. "And yes, thank god we're almost there, I can get away from your noisy self and grab some sake. The guards have probably already seen us" Tsunade added. "It's not easy to see it, but we're going too far north. We're going to angle south now so just follow me like the patient child that I always wished you would grow up into but never did."

"What was that!" came the indignant, if muffled reply. "Say that again, Kaa-chan, I dare you!"

"Oh drop it, it's too damn hot to argue…"

"Like hell I'll drop it! I'm patient!" the boy insisted, still muffled by the cloth around his head. "I'm the most )&$#& patient child in the whole damn world! I put up with you, don't I?!"

"YOU BRAT!" Tsunade rounded on her son and prepared to sock him with one hell of a punch – but the heat stole her passion and she soon lowered her vengeful fists. "… Ugh, it's too hot for this…" she reiterated. Her next words were snapped: "Oh and brat! Lift up that cloth"

"Huh?" Naruto sounded. "You mean I can take this stupid thing off? Yes!"

"No, Naruto-kun!" Shizune interrupted quickly, instantly beside her Otoutou as well. "It protects you from the sun" she pleaded. "Just lift it enough to show them your forehead okay?" The two identifying symbols of the slug Sannin were, without a doubt, the diamond mark on her forehead and the kanji on her coat.

"Eh? Oh" Naruto blinked. "You mean this thing, huh?" he asked, doing as he was asked and revealing the blue diamond mark on his own forehead, the one usually hidden by his messy hair – it being a deeper blue than his mother's.

IIII

Ten year old Sakyuu Temari walked casually through the streets, an "in-training" version of the standard Suna Battle fan being carried on her back. Though she was small, she was recognized as the Kazekage's daughter and was silently deferred to as she always was. Oh, it gave her no special privilege: nothing came for free in Sunagakure, but she was treated with the respect that was due to her. Perhaps it was some kind of vain attempt by the cosmos to balance the good with the hellishly bad in her life. Temari's father was a downright cold and distant bastard even by Suna standards and her youngest brother was a maniacal killer born from the death of their mother and the sealing of a demon: bringing forth a perversion of nature which even her father feared – feared and hated. These were constants in her life and she could properly surmise that, due to living with Gaara, the Sakyuu family was the most frightened family in Sunagakure. Oh, such a prestigious award. But these were still constants, it was normal for her to fear her brother, bearing no comfort from his presence. It was normal to feel that, as the boy's sister she ought to reach out to him, but it was also normal for her to note that such an act would spell death and pain. But on top of all the every-day shit she routinely put up with… now Kankuro, her other brother, was wearing face-paint that she suspected was supposed to make him look like a kabuki actor, but did in fact look eerily closer to make-up and was now obsessing over a stupid marionette doll. Honestly, this whole world was going insane…

"Proof of ID?" came a voice filled with bland amusement. Temari looked up from the stall selling cloths for kimono obi. It seemed someone was at the East gate. A tall blond woman stood haughtily with another woman and a child waiting behind her.

IIII

"Proof of ID?" Tsunade sounded vaguely amused, with an undertone of annoyance. That guard had been rude as hell, who did he think she was? Oh, he was in for some pain…

Shizune watched the scene unfold yet again. Naruto, used to this, tapped his foot impatiently and wished his mother would just get it over with. Was this becoming some kind of twisted ritual, he wondered...

"Heh, alright you uncouth bastards. Here is…" in a flash of movement, her fist was inches in front of the stunned guard, "my proof of ID"

_Flick!_

Naruto watched the predictable event. And now the guard's sailing, sailing, sail–ouch. Right into the building.

"R-Right" the other guard responded, unnerved. "That will suffice, Tsunade-san"

Tsunade cocked an eyebrow.

"S-Sama, Tsunade-_sama_" the guard corrected himself, fearing for his health. Yet he did not feel the killer intent lessen, "h-hime? Tsunade-_hime_? Please follow me, Tsunade-hime"

The Slug Sannin lost interest in the guard at that point, "just lead me to your Kazekage. We're here on personal business. Naru-chan you want to come?"

IIII

_The meeting with the Kazekage was a brief one, there not being much to discuss and the Kazekage not being the type that could muster enough humility as to be a plesant host._

"Final exam?" the Kazekage's hard voice inquired, lacking humane levels of emotion behind it.

Tsunade wasn't fazed. "Yes."

"Why come here?"

"Why? We're here…" Tsunade said in pure business tones, "for the Shojou family"

The Kazekage took a deep breath and leaned back, disguising his surprise. "To have curing a new, deadly sickness as your final exam… You're in a class of your own, as expected. Very well. It's an honor to have you reside in Sunagakure." But though the Kazekage's words were polite, they sounded as if they were forcefully pulled from his thought.

Frankly, Tsunade didn't care at all. "Hm, well we have permission now. Why don't you go play or something brat? All that's left is to iron out the details."

IIII

_Unknown to Naruto, Temari: most analytical of the sand-siblings, had received a discreet command from their father to follow Naruto and befriend him. It was an information-gathering mission. The fact was that family meant little to the Kazekage, and he sought to implement his children as tools where he could. _

Temari knew why she was chosen, how could she not? Her analytical mind surpassed Kankuro's and, indeed, anyone else in their age bracket. She'd met this Houou Naruto, the boy easy to identify as she'd spied him at the village gate before. He'd been tending to a dog, of all things, with a care and precision that seemed out of place for the sake of a mere stray mongrel. He'd turned, seen her; had been confused to hear that she wanted to talk to him, but was clearly interested to hear that she'd proposed a game.

The pair sat in the shade of a building, their backs against its wall. "Well," Naruto quired of this strange girl that had not showed him even one genuine smile, even when asking – telling him to play a game with her, "what do you wanna' play?"

Temari hesitated. Dare she be so obvious about it? No, even if he suspected something, it wasn't an unusual suggestion, wasn't something that she couldn't explain away. Temari licked her lips. "Truth or Dare"

x-two hours later-x

She couldn't believe it. They had played truth or dare for all of an hour. It was ridiculous. More ridiculous was that, during that time: Naruto hadn't picked 'Truth' **even once**. From that one-hour game, what technical specifics she learned about him? Some of the most important discoveries were that he could rub his stomach and pat his head at the same time , was able to multi-task several other strange and complicated motions, and that he could do both cartwheels and a fairly good chicken-impression. That was it. Whereas he now knew that she had at one point owned a teddy-bear, she secretly liked kimono's but didn't own one, and that the reason she kept her hair in pigtails was because it would otherwise resemble something he'd laughingly called a 'spiky afro'. However, during conversation with him as they'd played this game, and now as they merely sat and they talked about Sunagakure, she'd learned much more. To her, Houou Naruto was open, yes. Sometimes painfully so – painful to her, that is. He held no qualms about telling her she was being stupid or mean, and he absolutely wouldn't stand for it without one hell of a fight. He was so brave that he could pick 'dare' every time and – when he was dared to – would hop on one foot, hold the other with his left hand, balance her fan in the palm of her right, stick out his tongue, and whistle 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', all at the same time. Oh, he'd complained. He'd sworn at her too, something she'd learned to get used to. His anger had been obvious and he'd pointed out using highly… creative terms that it wasn't fair, but then, that had been the point. Yet her impossible dare hadn't deterred him a bit. Houou Naruto, Temari realized, wasn't a naive or foolish character; he was simply an very strong and perhaps stubborn character. Besides: he had, after twenty tries and subsequent falls, managed to do her impossible dare, whistling and all.

Though she wasn't so foolish as to think she couldn't be wrong after knowing the boy for only an hour or two. No, but she was probably close to the truth. She wondered if her father would want a report on Naruto, but soon stopped that train of thought when the boy in question proposed a game of "hide and seek". It may have been a mission at first, but he was her friend now, despite the two years she had on him. Yes, his bluntness could annoy her, but it was also refreshing. He was very trustworthy. Or rather, she could trust him to plainly show his intentions or views without bothering to cover anything up. The question was: was he like that with everyone, or only with people he deemed were not a threat?

A small, red-haired child stood a far way detached from the scene but watching ever so intensely. His body was half hidden by the wall of a building he stood behind, such that the kanji for "Ai" on his right forehead was blocked from view; his eyes tracked the new addition to his village intently. He reached up and tentatively toughed the red kanji distractedly. Love only yourself, live only for yourself. These were the things his Kaa-chan said on her deathbed and the voice in his mind: his mother, had hissed as the sand turned on him and carved the message into his flesh not so long ago. But maybe… maybe that new boy, the loud and bright one, would let him play with him…

Maybe…

It was just so hard to be all alone…

And maybe they would let him play…

Gaara didn't smile at the thought. He was a child who had forgotten how to smile. And he knew well and deeply that no one would ever let him play with them. Everyone: every single person he'd ever met, had been afraid of him, afraid that he'd kill them. And the voice in his mind, mother kept telling him to kill everyone. Even his uncle, the only one to ever acknowledge him had revealed his actions as a purely fake ploy and cursed Gaara's existence. Everyone kept treating him… as if he was there to kill them all. But he didn't really want to hurt anyone. He didn't want to be a monster.

Could there be another purpose to exist for him? Another reason? Everyone else seemed to have more than one option, they seemed to get to _choose_ theirs…

Maybe they would let him play with them this time…

And maybe he wouldn't have to be alone after all…

Maybe_...  
_

* * *

_Omake_

_An interesting item came up that day, before Tsunade repaid her son the 500 yen._

"And here?" Tsunade asked yet again. They had stopped earlier, but had regoined this same training a short while ago. It was dark, actually. And Shizune was undoubtebly preparing dinner by now.

"That's the, er…"

"C'mon, Naru-chan," Tsunade prompted, amused. "You're a medic-nin in training. It's just a technical term, so say it." Hell, he swore all the time, anyways! Kids could be so odd...

"I know that!" Naruto responded hotly, "The… er, male reproductive organ and external organ of urination…"

Tsunade snorted at her adopted son's face, noting that in the end he hadn't said the organ's actual name. "Right, well next one, what's–"

"Er… Kaa-chan?" Naruto interrupted, somehow shy

"Huh?" This was new, Tsunade wondered what–

"Well, Ero-Uncle was saying some stuff about it…"

Jiraiya did?! "Wh…" Instantly, the color drained from Tsunade's face "What?" She asked, voice horse

"Well, you know," Naruto scratched the back of his head, embarrassed, "he was saying how it really had many more uses, or something like that. He said that I was missing some information and that it was really important…"

"He, He**WHAT!**" The horror in the mother's face was joined with the shocked outrage in her voice.

"Well, it's Ero-Uncle, so I can't be completely sure," Naruto frowned thoughtfully "but is it true that…"

"Yo!" The voice of the previously mentioned Ero-Uncle accompanied the unmistakable bang of a front-door slamming opened. The Houous do, as it happens, lock their front door, but hey: Jiraiya was a ninja, come on. It would be embarrassing _not_ to pick the lock. Real ninjas didn't consider something that puny as any kind of obstacle at all. "Just thought I'd drop by since I was around," Jiraiya reasoned loudly, that the inhabitants of the house could hear him. "But, actually, I'm starving! It's been a tough day and I have a huge hunger! Do you know any good restaurants and – hey, that smells like Nikujaga!" He yelled, sounding ever so fake to the well-trained ears of the house. "What an amazing coinci– ACK!" Tsunade had just come skidding _through_ a door to his right. Before Jiraiya had even a chance to clasp his hands together to beg for mercy, he was grabbed by the shirt and pinned to the wall.

"**Ji-Ri-Ya…**" Tsunade's voice was ominous in a way that very few things could be. And the fact that she didn't have her 'you're annoying' look on, or even her 'I'm going to kill you look', but instead was sporting her much feared and respected 'I'm going to castrate you in a very painful way, heal you, and then find a far, far, more painful way to do it **again**' look only scared Jiraiya even more.

Jiraiya gulped, he'd seen that look twice before. In his mind, there was little doubt that, had she caught him those times, the look would have proven to be exactly what it sounded like.

"**Just-what-did-you-say… TO-MY-SON!**" Tsunade sounded vengeful and terror-inducing in a decidedly unhealthy-for-Jiraiya way

"Oh shit" Jiraiya almost said. But of course, Tsunade wouldn't have liked anything but the truth out of him, this very moment. Even so much as a 'hello' could endanger his future. Sighing, the frog Sennin informed Naruto that he was leaving all his possessions to the boy and reluctantly motioned for Tsunade to lean closer. "Well…" whisper, whisper….

Tsunade's face became pale, quite pale. And then the color came flooding back. Perhaps too much so: she became red you see, quite red. Finding no words to adequately express even a fraction of her rage, she made a strange, strangled 'squaking' sound and gathered a terrifying amount of chakra in her body. She released it in a focused point from her fist, slamming it into the unforgivable pervert's stomach.

Naruto watched his uncle sail away through the front door and rack up some truly impressive air-time. He turned to his mother, who was huffing and puffing: not with exertion, but raw rage. "Hmm… so wait, does that mean it's all true, then?" he asked, confusedly

"**ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!**"

* * *

My BETA says that some of the chapter lacked my usual flair. I wrote about 3 000 of these words while sick, so maybe that's it? Though maybe my BETA is just picky and thinks I'm some kind of fanfiction-god... 

500 yen is almost $5 Canadian

My favorite line (or sequence of lines) was, hmm... "He was so brave that he would pick 'dare' every time and – when he was dared to – would hop on one foot, hold the other with his left hand, balance her fan in the palm of her right, stick out his tongue, and whistle 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', all at the same time. Oh, he'd complained. He'd sworn at her too, something she'd learned to get used to."

Wind Country actually is placed on the SouthWest corner of the map in the Narutoverse

Sunagakure is the Hidden village of sand, Wind Country's ninja village

A Kimono is an old-fashioned dressing robe kind of thing in Japan. It can be really beutiful and decorative. There are several types and levels of formality in them. Both men and women can wear them, though the styles are different. The Kimono's Obi is the decorative cloth that is tied around the waist of the Kimono.

The sources I check don't list a last name with any of the sand siblings, though I seem to recall there being a popular last name used for them in fanfiction. For now, I'm using Sakyuu for them which means sand dunes

The lines on Kankuro's face are from actors in Kabuki theatre, an old traditional type of Japanese theatre. Kankuro's name is also the name of many famous Kabuki actors.

The kanji for "Ai" on Gaara's head means 'love'. A wise reviewer pointed out that, when combined with the kanji that make up Gaara's name, it reads like "I love death". This reviewer also noted that, interestingly, Gaara's name on it's own means "self-loving" or, "loving only one's self".

Nikujaga is a beef and potato stew, flavoured with sweet soy

I don't like saying stuff like this. I think it subtracts from the future chapters, but I also don't want people to feel that what's happened isn't beleivable. No, Ino isn't as occupied with thoughts of Naruto as she is with thoughts about the idea of Naruto. The kind of character that he represents: one which she hasn't seen from any of her other peers.

No, I actually have no idea what Jiraiya told Naruto: I'm not perverted enough to fathom what could be going on inside his head at that point…

I'm a bit excited about the next chapter

Please review

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 10

Gaara

_As for Shizune, she was prepared to tackle the Shoujou family case – perhaps overly so. But then, this was her nature. In fact, her over-preparation may have been the only thing to keep the Shoujou family alive long enough to make an object of study, much less a medical miracle. The residents of Sunagakure had, in an act of infinite charity and caring; decided to care only for themselves, and exile the Shoujou family off into the desert where they could keep their disease to themselves. Currently, the wealthy, noble, and politically significant family was living in a portable shelter which Shizune had brought with her for the flimsy sake of… well, actually no one truly knew why she had brought a portable shelter with her, but she had. Regardless, she now spent all her time there, buried in research and field-testing, and having her mentor drop by every now and as a means of evaluation only. Tsunade would give no tips on this task and Shizune would never, ever ask. It was time to stand on her own as a medic-nin._

x-wind country: desert: shizune's portable shelter-x

"Th-Thank you… Thank you so much," Tsumane Shoujou expressed from her position atop her one-person cot, "we don't have any… accessible funds at the moment, however I swear that…"

Shizune, by the ill woman's cot and in the process of changing her bandage wraps, sought to ease her patient's conscience. "It's alright," she placated. "And don't strain yourself; you're still recovering."

"Yes, but you managed to stop it. I'm so happy," the woman continued, smiling through the bandages covering the majority of the right side of her face. "If it had taken my hands from me, I don't know what I would do…"

"No! Please don't thank me," Shizune pleaded. "If only I had been faster, then you would not look so terrible. And you were so beautiful. Ah!" The medic-nin apprentice gasped. "I'm sorry, Tsuname-san, you're still quite beautiful."

"Thank you, but it is all right. Even if I lose all semblance of beauty, it is all right. You see…" the woman sighed, "only my husband is worth anything in this family."

"Wh-What did you say? Tsuname-san…"

IIII

x-sunagakure: streets-x

The streets of Sunagakure had very low traffic, as usual. As every day was a very sunny and hot day, most adults found they would rather stay inside when they weren't out shopping or on business. Children, of course, were a typically different case. The streets of Sunagakure were also an oddity in themselves. The wind in Sunagakure was no where near as harsh as it was outside the village walls, but was always present to at least some degree. Small sand patches or mounds could be found across any street, but for the most part, all the sand would be blown until it rested against the wall of some building or other. This created large sand-hills attached to buildings that, in one or two places, were so large, you could attempt to scale them and reach a rooftop that way.

"So it's your mother's secret technique?" Temari queried, it hadn't taken long for her to start feeling odd about spying on her friend. After coming clean to him, the pair of children had been busy finding useless but important sounding information to feed her father. "You and your kaa-chan have freakish physical strength, and then you concentrate a ridiculous amount of chakra in the fist and then release it from a singular point in the instant your hit connects… This is the general form of it, right?" Temari asked, for conformation's sake. The pair had just left the house and was currently on the hunt for a Taiyaki stand, as per Naruto's demands. "But you know, I'm going to need a name for it."

The medic-nin in training's face screwed up in thought. "This is going to sound strange, but she never actually named it. It's got a few nicknames though. Lot's of high-ranked people know that it exists and the rumour-mill starts up from there… let's see: it's been called 'Golden Fist', 'Iron hand', and 'Magic finger-fick' …"

Temari was simply aghast at that last one. "What?"

Naruto sported a bemused smile. "Yeah, as to how that one would become popular: perhaps it's revenge from all the guards that have asked for proof of ID from Kaa-chan over the last few years" he theorized. "But there's one that's really good, if I'd have to give it a name, I'd call it that."

"Yeah? And?" Temari pressed. This was perfect: it was a 'secret technique' but lots of people knew about it, and it was un-copyable to-boot.

"Kaa-chan doesn't talk about it, but according to the story I keep hearing: back when she was teamed up with the other Sannin, she used it to K.O. a huge, berserk snake summon somewhere."

"W-Wow"

"Yeah. They started calling it God-Hand"

IIII

A lonely, tired boy watched the two blondes walk off.

"They're outside again" the afore mentioned lonely boy mumbled to himself. "Outside… are they going to play?" his voice was raspy from underuse. If he hadn't started talking to himself, if he hadn't kept talking to his dead kaa-chan, then maybe he wouldn't have any voice left at all. "I know how to play" he stated, hoping that counted for something. He flinched, grasping his head in pain. "Yes I know all their games. I've been watching… N-No, I don't want to kill them, mother. I-I want to play. I want to try…"

For the complete, entirety of his life, he had been shunned by all whom he had tried to befriend. What incredible property of humanity asserted itself so that he would still be trying after all this time? Perhaps it was the spirit of the gambler that resided within this boy. Maybe: with the next try I will win, maybe with just one more try I may win the jackpot. Oh, wouldn't it be glorious... to have just one friend.

The tired, lonely boy took a chance, for he had little to lose and a dream as his prize. And with this, he stepped forwards, silenced the demon he thought was his mother, and cast the die for all he was worth on this last, desperate gambit.

IIII

x-wind country: desert: Shizune's portable shelter-x

"Yes, you see? I am only a Shoujou by marriage; really I'm just a peasant girl from the slums of the capital…" Tsuname smiled. "Back then, my husband was a very popular bachelor. I will admit he was not that handsome but he was wealthy and dependable: beautiful noble women were dogging him day and night. Oh, but I'm rambling"

"N-No, please continue!" Shizune demanded, perhaps a bit too eagerly. Oh, she loved these kinds of romance stories! It was her secret hobby, though she suspected her mentor and Otoutou knew about it already… "It's very interesting, but please don't strain yourself" Shizune insisted, finished removing the bandages from her patients face. It took years of experience with ugly injuries and diseases for Shizune not to recoil from the sight. In the after-effects of a devastating new strand of flesh-eating disease, Shoujou Tsuname's right face was an unsettling and twisted mess. Her nose and right ear seemed to almost have melted into themselves. The chasms: gaps of space where pieces of her face aught to rightly be, looked little more than a bastardization of nature and one would wonder how such a deformation would still leave all the necessary bits intact for a person to remain alive. As if to eternally mock her, the left side of Tsuname's face was pristinely untouched by deformity. If she could have seen her reflection, she would have surely cried. Or vomited. Actually, probably both. "You're tired, aren't you? Go to sleep. I've sent word to the village that your situation is no longer a threat, staff will be coming by later today to help look after you, and we'll be moving your family back to the village in the morning."

"Oh, you must be glad" Tsuname mused. Smiling, she added, "you'll also be able to head back and see your brother, won't you? The one you always talk about"

With the way that smile made her face look, a lesser experienced Shizune would have lost her lunch. As it was, she showed no visible signs of disgust in any form. "Yes, I was thinking of going ahead once the helpers get here."

"You sound quite concerned…"

"Well," Shizune began, embarrassed, "it's just that he can get into such trouble, sometimes…"

IIII

"By the way," Naruto began; ready to switch into his lecturing-pose, "you shouldn't ever try it. Try to copy God-Hand, and you'll just blow your arm off."

"Is it really as simple as you made it sound earlier?" Temari asked dubiously. "I mean, no matter what you say… if it isn't limited by bloodline, then it should be copyable in theory right?"

"What? No… Are you really listening to me?" Naruto demanded. "You're not are you! I already told you: you can't copy it!"

"Oh, come on" Temari persisted, ignoring her friend's foul mouth. "The books say that gathering that much chakra into just a point that small is suicide, but if you do it, then it must be possible and so logically-!"

"'Logic this', 'logic that'," Naruto mocked, "everything's 'logic' with you Temari-chan!" The boy scowled. "You sound like a damn parrot!"

Now that riled her. "What did you say?!" The blond girl demanded. "Do you have some problem with logic?! And you call yourself a medic-nin? Heh! I don't ever want to be on your illogical operating table!"

"Okay, you know what?" Naruto demanded, frustrated. "Hell, fine, try it! Just **try** the damn thing!" he dared. Flatly, he continued. "I'll be the first kid in history to try healing an **exploded arm**"

Temari grimaced. "I get the picture. No thanks. I guess you can't really try to figure it out if your arms explode" she bluntly theorized. She didn't really care, anyways. It was Naruto's business, she'd just been curious. "Anyways, the Taiyaki stand is…" her proposition was cut short as she watched the proceeding events with shock.

Temari, who had secretly harboured doubts that a medic-nin in training could be half as combat-worthy as Naruto claimed to be, had her doubts erased. It had happened in a blur of movement: one second, the boy was stumbling forwards; the next he second he had pivoted on his heel, spun a full 180 degrees, and had his fist a mere two inches from the face of their shadow.

"What?" Naruto narrowed his eyes, confused. That killing intent had been insane, like a red-hot javelin of hate being thrust into his consciousness; so abrupt and sharp and **focussed** that it had even caused him to stumble. An assassin, surely?

"I-I just w-want to play" The red-head whispered, eyes so wide and fearful like some deer staring down the barrel of a revolver. Like a child staring down death from two inches distance.

"G-" the ever calm Temari stuttered, "_Gaara!_" she stumbled backwards, away from the monster. She… she should escape! No, running would only trigger the animal instinct. She had seen it before: It (her brother) would hunt her down and crush her underneath the malevolent sand. It would slay her for _sport, _if nothing else. From her spot behind her blond friend, Temari caught sight of the sand shifting at his feet: encircling the area where he stood.

Her fear re-doubled.

The blond medic-nin in training had yet to lower his arm. _She knows him?_ He didn't take his eyes off the newcomer. "Temari-chan," he said, sounding calmer than he felt. "Who is this guy; and why the **hell** is he leaking killing intent?"

"N-Naruto-kun," _A monster, a predator, and a murderer. He'll kill us. He'll really kill us!_ "H-He…"

"I just want to play," the boy repeated. The fist in front of him seemed to be radiating force; the feel of it was raising the hair on the back of his neck. Would he be hurt? Would he die? … Did it really, truly matter? "I… I just…" he begged; begged like a broken record – begged like a broken child. "I just… _want to play_"

"You…" Naruto looked over this red-haired youth, noting the black circles around his eyes. Face paint? No: signs of insomnia. Really, really advanced signs of insomnia. Leaking killing intent but not wanting to hurt him… perhaps a case of split personalities? Would that even work?

Naruto's mind still could not reconcile the situation properly: something was off. Some vital point was bothering him at the back of his mind.

Finally, the fist smoothly lowered and the stored charka within dissipated back into the boy's system. "So you aren't here to hurt me? Or Temari-chan?" the blond demanded.

"No" **_YES!_ **"N-No,I…" **_KILL them! CRUSH them! BATHE in their GLORIOUS blood!_ **_No, stop it kaa-chan. Please…**The BLOOD! Don't you want to see? That coppery, wonderful liquid spilling between your fingers… making you ALIVE!** NO! I just…_"I-Ijust… I just want to play!**"**

"…" silence stretched out for eternity. One could only guess at what weighing system was used within Naruto's mind to determine the threat level of such a strange newcomer, but finally:

"You're pretty weird, but it's not like I'm normal or anything…" The boy trailed off, scratching his chin in thought. "Well, all right" he proclaimed decisively, grinning at last "but try anything funny, and I'll really kick your ass. My name's Houou Naruto."

Really? Truly? Disbelief reverberated within Gaara's mind. He'd been accepted. **_Insolent child,_ **the shrill words of a demon echoed,_** what are you doing? **Not now, mother _came the immediate reply,_ I'm going… to play now_ the words were tinted with reverence. **_NO! I hunger for death! Stop wasting time! _**

"Na-Naruto!"

Eh? The boy looked back. What was Temari-chan doing on the floor? "What's up, Temari-chan?"

"Na-Naruto-kun, he…" But Temari's eyes found Gaara's, and the madness that lurked therein. "I – I have to go!"

"Huh?" Naruto had absolutely no idea what to make of his friend's behaviour, as she sprinted away like hell was on her heals. And she called -him- weird. He'd just gotten a new playmate, but lost the other one. Jeez, still couldn't do any three-player games… "Anyway, my name's Houou Naruto. Let's be friends!" he introduced once more when he noted that he still didn't know this guy's name. He held out his hand. "But damnit, I still want my Taiyaki, so we're absolutely going to find that first!"

"…" Gaara stared at the proffered hand, then back to the smiling, honest face of Houou Naruto. _A-A friend? Really? Truly?!_

"What?" the blond Taiyaki-deprived boy deadpanned. "They don't have handshakes in Sunagakure?"

"S-Sakyuu Gaara," the boy's raspy voice grated out, his hand imitating the blonde's in an attempt at a handshake, for he knew not even this. "A-And… arigato"

As the insomniac made to shake his hand, Naruto felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Something was wrong. So wrong. There was, of course, the palable aura of hatred leaking from this newcomer. It was dull, but it didn't really feel like it was coming from Gaara, himself. No, that wasn't the problem. That killing intent was dull and steady.

So where the _hell _did that focused spear of killing intent come from **earlier? **

"Shit" there it was again, focused, clear as day, and coming right from Gaara. "Damnit!" Naruto immediately turned his handshake into a violently strong grip and pulled.

_Thunk!_

"W-Well, this is new…" Naruto muttered, standing above his new playmate, whom he had only just thrown to the floor. "It seems that I'm not even the target this time." The kunai had been heading for Gaara's back, but had found its home in Naruto's stomach instead. Roughly, he pulled out this instrument of death. Good, the wound was not very deep. He'd close it up momentarily. Quickly, the wounded boy searched the rooftop for some black-cloaked figure, but none was found. _Seems I was right. The second killing intent didn't really come from Gaara, but rather some spot behind him. Damnit, you bastard assassin, where are you! _

Gaara lay on the sand which had caught him in his fall, stunned and looking up at the back of the one that had helped him. "F-For me… you…"

Naruto looked at the downed boy over his shoulder, seeing a similar but different shock to the one he'd seen on a pink haired friends face those years ago. He shot the boy a reassuring smile. "You'd better explain this shit later, Gaa…" Naruto's words trailed off in surprise: what the hell, he was under a genjitsu? No… the kunai?! "Kai!"

The genjitsu disappeared. A yellow slip of paper revealed itself to be connected to the bloodied kunai still held in Naruto's right hand, covered in intricate patterns and fluttering in the ever-present wind of Sunagakure. With all haste, Naruto tried to get the kunai and its electrocution note the hell away from himself.

It was half terrifying and half mesmerising for Gaara as he watched Houou Naruto scream in pain, blue electricity dancing around his form in a prolonged torture session, visibly arcing from spot to spot on his body. Body still standing, but wracked with spasms as a volts of energy sparked and raced across his body. "N-Naruto!"

It lasted but a few pained seconds, but the voltage of the electrocution note left Naruto panting on his side upon the ground, his inhuman strength all but useless. His body was yet having difficulties responding. Breathing made erratic from the painful experience, he looked at Gaara, who had risen to stand above him, and back to the kunai in his hand. "Shit," he groaned. "That wasn't a normal electrocution note. If I hadn't removed it from my stomach before it activated then I might even be…" The boy raised eyes back to the red-head he'd saved. From his prone position on the ground, he managed to ask the most vital question. "Just who the hell is after you?" _And why… why the hell are you looking at me as if I'm horrifying?_

**_Blood…_** "Kaa-chan, no…" Gaara's horrified whisper matched his horrified face. He could feel it: the ghostly clawing of his mother had begun to scratch at his mind. _**Look at the blood!** _The shrill voice insisted, growing louder by the word."He-He helped me, he didn't know about your sand. He thought I would be hurt or killed."

**_He is strong! I can feel the energy within him. It floods his veins! KILL him, take his life and let it give meaning to your own!_** "H-He's accepted me, kaa-chan, we're going to be friends…" the boy winced, and clutched his head in both hands, "you can't hurt him!" **_Give it to me!_** The voice demanded, more senseless than ever.**_ You will give me his blood! _**"No kaa-chan, I don't want to kill!"

"What the hell?" was all Naruto managed to whispered in response to the sight above him.

_**BLOOD!**_

The ground below Naruto outright exploded in a shower of death.

IIII

"Wh-What's going on?" Temari whispered, feeling the explosion of killing intent. "Th-This feeling: this will to slaughter anything that lives… Shukaku!"

Her legs felt weak, as they always did in the face of the pure maleficent intent that was Shukaku, the sand tanuki demon. "Gaara… Naruto!" She had left those two together. She turned towards the direction of the killing intent, but found she could not move. "Na-Naruto-kun…" tears brimmed in her eyes, "I-I'm sorry!" and she continued to run away.

IIII

"Sh-Shit…" Naruto cursed. The sand below him had exploded upwards and, forming what Naruto could only call a giant sentient stream, had slammed him into a nearby house wall with terrific force. He was pinned, limbs restrained as the mass of sand smothered them utterly. He felt the sand grains crawling up his skin, making their way to his throat. _D-Damn _Naruto thought, feeling the sand contract in an effort to squeeze the air and life from his body. He was terrified; his body was still recovering from the effects of the electrocution note and no matter how tough he was, no one could survive without oxygen. _If I could move properly! Even an arm!_ But then what? Just how was he supposed to fight off sand? How could he break it? _Shit, that's some gratitude you have there, Gaara!_

"Kaa-chan! Stop it!" Gaara screamed, clutching his head. "You'll kill him! He's my friend!" Why, when he was given a chance? Why, just when the future looked so new and exiting? "Please! Please Kaa-chan!"

_Oxygen…I need oxygen…_ Naruto thought dazedly. Blots of blackness were already beginning to obstruct his vision. _I'll lose consciousness soon. If, if that happens then what will I…_ The boy's thoughts were interrupted by another boy's incessant pleas for his 'kaa-chan' to stop. _Gaara: what the hell?_

Sand made its way into his mouth, it made as if to pour down his thought and do who-knows-what to his insides. It was an unnatural, disgusting feeling that filled him with a frantic dread. But then, a miracle: Naruto could feel his right arm again. The boy scowled. _Let's do this._ Throwing his strength behind the movement, he pushed his right arm forwards, breaking free of the sand.

**_What is he doing! My sand cannot be stopped! _**The demon chortled in its host's mind before quickly, insanely, changing thought trains entirely. **_He's strong! Truly worth the Kill! Struggle and squirm before you die, my worm! My prey!_**

_Houou Naruto isn't pinned so easily! _he thought feircely, taking the arm he had broken free and slamming it backwards. _Come on: **God-Hand!**_

With an audible 'boom' and 'crack' the wall behind him blew open for a four foot diameter, and Naruto tumbled backwards into the room beyond.

The occupants of 102nd Roppou Street watched in horror as a sizeable portion of their wall literally imploded and a boy came spilling in, covered in sand. They clutched each other and shared tear-stained looks, knowing that with all the killing intent in the air, that sand surely belonged to Sunagakure's resident monstrosity.

Naruto choked violently even as he rolled to his feet, he needed to get that sand out of his system: he didn't trust it at all. The sand that had spilled into the room with him seemed to just be lying there. What was going on here? The medic-nin in training glanced to his right and saw a family clutching each other in absolute terror, looking at the sand – not him, the person that had fallen in – as if it were the devil itself.

Gaara panted, crouched on the floor. Had he regained control of the sand? His mother had suddenly stopped. "Kaa-chan?" he tried, tentatively.

**_Wonderful…_** the voice whispered in awe.

"Wh-" Gaara doubted he'd heard right. His kaa-chan seemed almost… calm "What?"

**_Truly wonderful! _**The voice regained its shrill insanity with startling ease. **_Such raw Power! I LOVE it! Come to me!_** Shukaku cried **_Come to me and die!_**

"Absolutely, completely, craptastic" Naruto declared. The sand had been lifeless for all of twelve seconds before re-animating. In an impressive display of skill for his age, he had just finished closing his stomach wound through Ijutsu. He looked back at the family whose home he had invaded. They still clutched each other in fright. He looked at the sand and noted that it was gathering into what would probably be another attempt to pin and crush him. "Well shit" he spun around and cocked back an arm. "Let's take this outside, you bastard! **God-Hand!**" Making an exit of the nearby wall, Naruto made his escape into the more manageable outside street.

Gaara watched as Naruto practically exploded back out of the house he had exploded into. His kaa-chan had never cried for blood so loud and it was making his head hurt with a pain that was almost crippling. She wanted control. Total control to pull forth her full power, but he fought her; he resisted. And that resistance was killing him. "He… he's my friend" the boy whimpered. **_Friend?_** Shukaku challenged. **_Friend! You have no friends! Friends are for killing! Look, look into the eyes of your 'friend'!_** And indeed, even through the pain Gaara could make out the icy cold glare Naruto had fixed on him as the blond made a wide circle of his position, dodging streams of sand all the while. He meant business. "N-No… that's just because you hurt him kaa-chan…" Gaara tried. But there was not much faith behind his own protests. He had been hurt too many times. **_He will kill you! Protect yourself! KILL him BACK!_ **Shukaku cackled.

Naruto glared angrily at Gaara. Damnit, what was going on? Didn't that guy say he didn't want to hurt him just a while ago? He was clutching his head and talking to himself. No matter how you look at it, he didn't seem to be consciously controlling the sand. Was it really a case of split-personalities? One thing was for sure: Who or whatever was doing this was a real bastard that was going to get his ass kicked _so hard_. Another stream of sand of a seemingly endless supply came flying at him from the side. Throwing out another God-Hand punch, and scattering a good five metres of the sand column to the wind, Naruto knew that he wasn't doing anything more than buying time. _This is ridiculous, why can't I even sense this sand! It doesn't have a chakra signature? No way! My chakra sense never fails me like this_ the thought sent a chill down his spine. His most trusted sense was useless, this had never really happened before_ what's going on? Is… damnit, is it –that– day again? _The boy's eyes snapped wide, he hadn't watched his step. _Shit, I stepped on a sand hill!_ With a startled yell, he was hoisted into the air by the ankle.

**_Chance!_**Shukaku chortled. **_Feel the wrath of hell! _**

Naruto, dangling upside-down by his right ankle stared as every particle of sand within a one-block radius formed into more than fifteen tendrils of death before him. The feat was truly mind-boggling. _G-Give me a break! There's a limit to how ridiculously shitty a day can get! _Naruto stared as the tendrils shot towards him. _Damnit, I am **not** losing to some goddamn stupid, freaky sand! _"I'm **done** messing around with you, Gaara!" the boy slammed his hands together "**Karyuu…!"**

Shukaku itself was dumbfounded. **_What is this little human doing with all that chakra?_**

"**ENDAN!**"

Just as Naruto's vision at that moment must have been clouded by masses of sand, Gaara's vision in the next moment was blanketed by an angry red. A roaring dragon head billowed forth of such size that it occupied the entire width of the street.

Gaara, literally, had no where to run.

"Aaaaaaa!" the red-haired boy screamed, throwing his arms up before his face in futile defence, eyes shutting tight.

IIII

"Huh?" Tsunade stiffened. Running on instinct, she spun to her direct left, only to face a two story tall Karyuu-Endan barrelling down the street towards her. With an almost insulting ease, she slapped held her palm onto the charging beast as it reached her, releasing an impact of chakra from her palm, dispelling the monstrosity instantly. Weak. Sure, it was big, but the chakra was so spread out that it was little more than a glorified heat wave. It must have come from quite a ways, though, as she couldn't see the source.

"Naru-chan?" she pondered, feeling the remnant chakra left behind. "It's not like him to practice different forms of Karyuu-Endan in the middle of the city..." Though, looking around, it seemed as if the residents of Sunagakure had holed themselves up. The street was deserted. _Did the brat get this whole area's co-operation? I don't like this, it's suspicious. What does this village know… that I don't know._ Frowning, she left for the direction the Karyuu-Endan had come from. _Naru-chan's supposed to be safe here. Goddamn Kazekage, if that 'bodyguard' you promised me isn't looking out for my son, I won't stand still. _

"Tsunade-sama!" a desperate, urgent voice hollered.

"What?!" startled, the slug summoner turned to face the source of such a panicked voice. What was it now? No! This person? "You? What are you doing here?!"

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune pleaded, panting in exhaustion. She'd sprinted most of the way here. "Please come with me right away! I need your help, something…" looking closely, Tsunade noted the tears brimming in her apprentice's eyes "something terrible happened!"

IIII

Gaara's breathing was quick. He… he was still alive. In fact, he hadn't been touched at all. It took a while for the boy to recall that, hey, his sand would have protected him from anything. It took one more second to recall that his mother had been mercilessly bent on his first friend's destruction, leaving him undefended for perhaps the first time of his life. "Wh-Why am I… still…"

**_Clever prey!_** Shukaku cooed. **_Sneaky prey! That fire was only meant to stop my sand, and cover your escape! You fooled me! _**The tanuki cheered in congratulations. **_You're so interesting, so interesting!_**

Hearing this, Gaara whipped his head around. It was true. In the few seconds he had had his eyes clamped shut: Naruto had disappeared. Suddenly, Gaara felt hunted – exposed here in the middle of the street. As the seconds ticked by at their painfully slow pace, his unease heightened. _N-No, Naruto-san won't really kill me, will he? I… no, would that really be so bad? To die? I have tried to do so on my own, and kaa-chan's sand always stopped me. Would it be so bad? Should I die, or should the one that had been willing to give me a chance die? I-I don't want either. If, if the fight could just stop! If I could just have my chance back!_ And so, the minutes ticked by... until:

**_Oh, but you don't know what's going on, do you, prey?_** **_You're not fighting my host, you're fighting me! And I follow you by chakra-sense, did you know?_** The tanuki all but sang. **_And guess what? I–found–you!_**

The second-story window to Gaara's left broke open as Naruto dived through it, kunai drawn, icy glare set, and making a beeline for the demon-host-boy.

**_Too-baaad _**Shukaku sang, it had picked up the fool boy's position easily. **_It was fun, but now it's time to DIE!_**

A thin stream of sand shot up to meet the descending boy. This time, instead of trying to merely catch him, the chakra-laden sand pierced straight its target's stomach.

"N-No!" Gaara cried, "Kaa-chan, what did you–" but Gaara was cut short, rendered speechless as the mortally wounded Naruto disappeared in a small explosion of smoke. "Wh-What?"

_**Wh-WHAT!**_

"Kage-bunshin," a cool voice from behind explained.

Gaara spun around, shocked and terrified, only to have Naruto's closed, power-radiating fist inches from his face for the second time this day. He became almost paralyzed in fear.

Naruto locked eyes with Gaara. "I know. The chakra-signature is really realistic, isn't it?" _Kage-Bunshin even fooled -my- chakra sense back when Ero-Uncle pulled that fake-assassin stunt…_ He continued to talk, noting that Shukaku, fortunately, seemed interested enough to put the fight on pause. "I heard all about it: how you sense out your surroundings, **Shukaku-yarou**. Temari-chan told me."

**_Hm? Who's this 'Temari'? _**Shukaku asked of her host, holding a list of priorities that was just irrational enough for the demon to neglect the veritable chakra-bomb hovering an inch before her host's nose.

"Gaara" the boy on the other end of that chakra-bomb began seriously, "can you get control back?" _And on your face there, are those tears? You really didn't want to kill me, did you…_

**_Control? Control, he said?!_** An almost musical chortling made itself known inside Gaara's mind. But the boy barely heard it. _Naruto-san, you would look on a monster like me… with those kind eyes? For someone like me!_ **_As if this child could TAKE control from ME!_** "Stop it, kaa-chan," the boy whispered, voice shaken but resolute as steel, falling to his knees and discarding all care for himself, "just… just STOP IT!" **_WH-What is this? You've been fighting me all day! Insolent child, you cannot win! _**

There, mid-noon in a nameless Sunagakure street, a child waged war upon a demon with such ferocity within his poor, limited mind, that it brought blood to his eyes. "Stop it, stop it, stop it! **SHUKAKU!**" he cried, clutching his head in pain and raw determination. He couldn't feel his legs, they were not important, not something worth focussing on. Right now, Sakyuu Gaara's whole world was on the plane of wills. He didn't even notice… that for the first time, he had called the demon by its real identity.

IIII

x-sunagakure street: rooftops-x

"G-Gaara…" Temari whispered in horror. She could faintly make out the blood running from the boy's nose and eyes as he kneeled, head clutched violently in his hands as he screamed at Shukaku with all his soul. Naruto was now crouched by the Gaara's side, hand on the other boy's shoulder, shouting his support. "Is that really… Gaara?" she clutched tightly the fan in her hands. It-It was really working.

x-earlier-x

"Damn," Naruto panted before slumping down unto the rooftop - it was a good two houses away from where Gaara was. That Karyuu-Endan had taken a lot out of him, but he remained alert. "Who's there!" he demanded in a whisper. He really didn't want Gaara to find him out just yet.

"Naruto-kun," Temari whispered back, finishing climbing up her grappling-hook to the roof, "it's me".

"Temari-chan? What are you doing here?"

What, indeed, was she doing here? She had tried to run away from this, she really honestly had. But she must be a fool, because she just couldn't do it... "Sorry I'm late, Naruto-kun" she apologized with a slightly strained smile, "I had to go get my fan from my house. I'm no good without it. But you got away on your own, Naruto-kun!" she whispered excitedly. "Come on, let's get going before he finds us!"

"Temari…"

"Eh? Naruto-kun, what are you doing? We have to go! Move!"

"Temari-chan," Naruto spoke firmly "tell me about Gaara."

"Never mind that, let's go! I'll tell you later!" she insisted, crawling back to her grappling hook. They'd make there way down using this, then retreat to her house until Gaara calmed down… No, that wasn't enough: Gaara was far too exited, he'd chase her friend down forever. Naruto would have to leave Sunagakure immediately… so…

"Temari-chan, I'm not moving," the boy insisted, looking more serious than Temari had ever thought possible for him, "not until you tell me about Gaara"

"Wh-Wha...? You… you stubborn idiot!"

But she had told him, knowing no other option. She had told him in as concise form as her impressive intellect could muster, all the important points she knew about Gaara and his life.

"Naruto?" Temari asked, tentatively. At the end of these explanations, Naruto lay staring at some point beyond the clouds above. She had never seen the boy look so passive and distant. His expression seemed both pained and filled with distaste. But what stole Temari's voice the most... were the unshed tears in his eyes.

"I understand," Naruto muttered, smiling so sadly that it was almost painful to watch, "I-I understand, so well. He's seen those eyes every day? Those hateful but terrified eyes, walking down the street and being surrounded by them all of his life... Different. Yes, forever, fundamentally different. Forever strange, almost controlled mutation of humanity." The boy rose to his feet slowly, "everything makes sense now," he wiped his eyes on a tattered sleeve, "thanks Temari-chan."

"Naruto-kun!" she didn't like the new expression of determination on her friend's face. "Just stop, you can't beat Gaara! It's just…"

"Not Gaara…" Naruto glared down at his opponent below. "That damn **Shukaku-bastard**!"

"Naruto-kun, you're not listening to me! You just can't beat him!" Temari pleaded for reason

"You're right" Naruto nodded.

"R-Really? Great!" she enthused, hesitantly getting up as well. She hoped they wouldn't be spotted... "Let's go!"

"I can't take out that demon without taking out Gaara…" the boy grumbled, frowning in thought. He'd need to create an opening; he'd have to distract Shukaku…

The boy slammed his hands together in the 'shadow' seal. "Kage-Bunshin no jutsu! You know what to do? Good, make it loud and startling all right?"

Temari froze in shocked indignation as the Bunshin sprinted off over the rooftops. "Y-You! Are you giving weight to my opinion at all?" But wait, could he really beat Gaara? He'd lasted this long, maybe…? Quickly, she re-evaluated the situation. Running wouldn't solve the problem forever, nothing would. Gaara would be the terrifying promise of death forever. Unless… "Naruto-kun, listen…" Temari said, grimacing. She knew he wouldn't like what she had to say. "If Gaara were to… you know, pass away... then everything is solved, right?"

Overcome by shock, Naruto gripped Temari by her upper arms and fought hard not to yell obscenities even his mother rarely used, "What the hell are you saying!? He's your brother!"

"Naruto," Temari began solemnly, seriously - even despite the painful grip Naruto had on her, "I haven't called him… 'Otoutou' even once in my life. And he hasn't called me 'nee-chan' either. Do you understand? We're just a shell of a family." _And the person that wants to kill Gaara the most is our father, our Kazekage himself._

"…fine" he didn't like it, but he could understand it… "but let me tell you something, Temari-chan," the boy annunciated his words with care, "since the start of this freaky fight, that shell of a brother of yours has never stopped fighting for my sake!" _Screaming and clutching his head, he's been trying to reign in Shukaku this whole time!_

"Gaara… has?" she could not believe, she could not reconcile. That monster she had feared all of its life…

"Temari-chan," Naruto began again, his solemn tone giving yet more weight to his words, "in my family, we believe something:" the boy paused, reciting an, until now, unspoken oath he kept close to his heart, "you are never to let your comrades die," the boy's fists clenched at his sides, "not without one hell of a fight"

And so saying, Naruto jumped backwards off of the four storey building.

"Naruto-kun!" Temari dived after him, but was only treated to the sight of his back as he ran vertically down the wall. "I-I shouldn't be surprised, I guess…" she proclaimed to herself.

x-present time-x

Temari stared, only able to guess the kind of war occurring in her younger brother's mind. "Never let your comrades die… is it…" unconsciously, she clenched her fan tighter in her hands. "Naruto-kun, be careful… I heard the seal used for Shukaku was cracked and imperfect..."

IIII

"Gaara, hang in there!" Naruto shouted to a mop of read-hair. Gaara's head was almost resting on the ground as he grunted in effort. **_You live for me, insolent child! Give me your body back! You fool, what are you doing!_**

"Listen to me, Gaara," not getting a response, Naruto grabbed Gaara by the shoulders and forced the boy's blood-stained eyes to meet his own, "damnit listen! You have to fight it! You didn't choose to have a demon sealed inside you, but all those people are scared right!? No one wants to try to know you, right!? I understand it very well… But are you just going to let that damn parasite rule your life?" He asked in a strained, almost pleading voice. "tand up for yourself, Gaara! Don't ignore your worth!"

"My… worth" Gaara echoed. Managing to say this much was an accomplishment when one felt as if they were playing tug-of-war with one's own soul.

_**You will live for me, you will die for ME! **_

_No, NO! Shut up Shukaku!_

**_If not for me, then who? Live for yourself then, kill all the others: that is fine too! Just bring me death!_**

_No, not for you, and not just for myself!_

**_Then what, you useless little killer, what will you live for?_**

_I-I don't know…_

**_Then give me your body! I WILL LIVE IN YOUR PLACE!_**

_NO! _"what is… my worth…" Gaara ground out, "I-I never found it. All this time… all this time. Na-Naruto, do you know how many people I've… killed?"

The question offset Naruto. "Wh-What? No…"

"Naruto-san… I-I tried to keep count," he pleaded, "t-tried to keep track, but I… I couldn't… too many… c-could you tell me… how many I killed? Wanted… to say… sorry to them… just once…"

"Gaara…"

"I'm… a monster. What is the worth… of this monster" **_Isn't it obvious, resilient but useless child! The worth of a monster is just how much it kills! We have this in common, stop fighting me!_**

A monster? "Gaara, you…. Damnit, come with me!" Naruto demanded, hoisting the other boy to his feet and all but dragging his limp body towards the nearest house. "I don't care if it's locked, we're coming in!"

IIII

The residents of 98th Roppou Street knew that locking the door would do little against the monstrosity that was Gaara. Really, when their door exploded inwards, they were not all that surprised. What they were, was paralyzed in fear.

"A mirror!" Naruto demanded of the residents. "Give me a mirror! NOW!"

Quicly spotting a plain, full-length mirror to the left, he dragged a staggering Gaara before it. "Look at yourself Gaara!" he demanded. "You tell me you're a monster as much as you want! I'll never believe you while your eyes look like that!"

"My… eyes?" Straining, Gaara looked and saw in his eyes only pain and blood.

"Yes! Those insomniac eyes!" Naruto declared, fiercely. "I haven't heard of such an advanced case in my life. Shukaku will come after your soul if you sleep, right? It'll tear at your defenceless mind, right?! Gaara, haven't you been fighting sleep all this time because you wanted to stay human!?" he challenged

"H-Human?"

"Go for it, Gaara!" Naruto encouraged, "it **sucks**, but life isn't fair sometimes. Sometimes, just to get the thing that everyone else already has, you'll have to fight like hell!" _yes, even gaining an average level of chakra-control was hell, wasn't it… all those frustrations... always thinking I was so inferior..._ "I've been through such a fight Gaara! I'm telling you it can be won!" So saying, Naruto clutched the trembling boy's left hand with firm comradery. "And after all this shit is over…" he began, eyes and voice taking a softer tone, "let's go eat some Taiyaki together. It's a promise."

"h-human…" Gaara whispered with longing and awe, as if he had reached a great epiphany, "m-more than anything else, what I always wanted... was to stay human...! I- I just wanted to be normal! I just wanted to be liked! Friends! Family! I-If I could just have these things! If I could have them-! I- **I** **would live for them!**"

**_Im-Impossible! Where is your puny human mind getting this strength?! S-Stop it! STOP!_**

"**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**"

Those present at this scene would later swear that, just for a moment, the entire world had seemed to tremble with the force of one boy's will

-

-

-

* * *

_Omake_

_One day, Temari had coerced Naruto into playing an indoor game. To be precise, she coerced him into being her figurative punching bag in a game of chess._

"Er, so this piece goes like… that!" Naruto triumphantly declared, slamming the little wooden castle down with determination. "Hah, this isn't so hard: check!"

"Pft!" Temari tried to restrain her laughter – and failed, "You utterly fell for my trap!"

_Crap. _Naruto could merely watch hopelessly as his awesome castle was defeated by a mere horse.

"You always beat me in tag or hide-and-seek Naruto-kun, but in the world of tactical board games: I am invincible!" the blond girl declared boldly. "Regarding my 0 to 32 loss against you in hide-and-seek, this is my counterattack! You won't get a single match from me!"

"Is that so!" Naruto challenged. "We'll just see about that!" he taunted, slamming down a pawn. Slow and steady… he'd inch towards her defences and when she was least expecting it? Bam! Checkmate!

"Pft!" Temari resisted another short bout of laughter – and yet again failed. "Wow, you're really no good at this, Naruto-kun," Temari mused, knocking over the knight that had been previously protected by Naruto's pawn with her queen, "you weren't bad at Shogi so I thought you'd be okay at this. How come? Isn't chess more popular back in Fire Country?"

"Well," Naruto sighed, "there's a logical explanation for that but it's a bit stupid…"

That really caught Temari's interest. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Ugh, you see…" the boy reluctantly began, "it's true that Chess is supposed to be popular back there… But you know, you won't find many people betting about Chess. Compared to that, in Fire Country people sometimes make small bets about Shogi…"

"S-So, you're saying that…"

"Yeah," Naruto admitted irritably, "kaa-chan only bought us Shogi and Mahjong sets"

"Pft! Aha! Aha ha ha ha ha!" Temari couldn't help herself. For that reason alone! What an incredible dedication to gambling! But she always lost! "Bwha ha ha ha! Oh! Oh, my sides hurt: I'm laughing too hard! Oh wow!" That was simply too much!

"Shut up! Nothing's wrong with Shogi!" Naruto protested. "And I'd toast you in Mahjong!"

"Aha ha ha!" Somehow, despite nearly incapacitating mirth, Temari managed to slide her queen over and take Naruto's bishop

"Laugh it up!" Naruto scoffed, irritably, "Hah! Look at this, you left your Queen right in the line of fire!" Triumphantly, he took Temari's Queen with his King. The Queen was the most powerful piece available in Chess.

Unfortunately, rather than sobering the laughing blond, Naruto's move served only to increase her terrible mirth. "Aha ha ha ha ha! Ch- Oho ho ho ho! Ch-Checkmate! Ah – Aha ha ha!"

"D-Damnit…"

It took a while before Temari finally stopped laughing.

"Wh-Whooo. Oh, my cheeks hurt, that was so funny," seeing her friend's blatantly unamused face, Temari brought herself under control, "sorry Naruto-kun, it was just way too funny. Hey, let's play again, but I should get some kind of handicap…"

"What? That's no fun…" Naruto protested, "Besides, I don't need your pity!"

"Oh, c'mon, Naruto-kun, think about it like this. I'm not even really trying right now," Temari lectured, "with a handicap, it'll let me face unusual, disadvantageous situations so I can get better. Help me train, alright?"

"Geez… fine," Naruto assented reluctantly.

"Right," Temari began her dictation, "I'll flip a coin whenever my turn comes, and if you call it right then we'll just skip my turn, alright? Ah, but you still have to end it with a Checkmate alright?"

"Flip a coin?" Naruto asked dubiously. "Are you sure about that?"

"Sure, the randomness will also make it interesting."

"Well…"

"Oh come on, Naruto-kun. You think I'll have a chance of loosing?" she asked, amused, "Pft! Aha ha ha ha!"

"Damnit, you're on!"

x-later-x

"Wh-What… how?" Temari sat, shell-shocked.

"That was surprisingly boring…" Naruto observed. "I told you it was a bad idea…"

"B-But…" Temari weekly argued, completely disorientated. "I lost? Y-You…"

Indeed, Temari had lost. And it had been a truly, utterly, one-sided loss of the greatest degree.

You see, she had not gotten to move a piece, not even once.

Suddenly, the girl snapped out of her daze and clear into rampant disbelief, slamming her hands onto the table. "You called it right for 50 times in a row!"

"Well, yeah," Naruto admitted, "I think it would have been better if I could have gotten one wrong though..." he theorized.

"Wh-What?! How is that even possible! Do you know what the chances are of calling it right 50 times in a row!" Temari demanded incredulously. "It-It's ridiculous! It's impossible!"

Naruto shrugged, "Apparently, my luck for this kind of thing is really good." Feeling a little bad and awkward for the apparently traumatizing experience he had just put his friend through, he added. "But anyways I'll admit that Temari-chan is really incredible at chess. You want to play something else now?" he offered. "…Mahjong?"

"S-Somehow, I don't think there'd be a point," Temari observed.

"Oh, so you experienced it, huh?" Tsunade asked, coming onto the scene. "Naru-chan's unreasonable luck, that is. Sometimes, I feel like the brat is stealing away all of mine" she groused.

"Yeah, right, kaa-chan!" Naruto defended righteously. "You lost all the time before you adopted me; and after you adopted me, you lost all the time!" He argued. "There's no change!"

"Shut up, brat! Are you trying to rub it in?!"

"It's the truth, kaa-chan! Grow up and accept it!"

Now, there was something about being told to 'grow up and accept it' by her child that really pissed Tsunade off. "That does it!" Quickly, she pulled Naruto into a tight headlock, yet that was merely the beginning.

Naruto knew that too. "W-Wait a second! What's that handseal! That's new!"

"Vengeful Mother's Ultimate Secret Technique: **Burning Noogie of 1000 Retributions!**"

"I can't believe you came up with a new handseal for this!" Naruto managed to cry in disbelief, before the wrath of the real-ultimate vengeful mother's technique descended upon him. "Just how much free time do you really have!"

_End._

* * *

Yes, there were many unanswered questions left after this chapter. As with the last time I'd said this, it's because it had been my intent to resolve most of these questions within this chapter. However, this has already pushed past the 8000 word mark. 

I thought I'd be less busy, actually, but it seems I overestimated my luck. That's partly why this chapter took so long. It's been a bothersome time. I'm starting to get a reign on things, though.

An epiphany is a moment when things suddenly become clear, or something. Like "Ah! I get it now" or "So that's how it was!"

Taiyaki is a Japanese snack. It's commonly baked with pancake or waffle batter with a red-bean-paste filling. Most amazingly: it's shaped like a fish! Even rough fin and scale detail exists. It's made using a mold for each side of the fish.

K.O. stands for Knock-Out

About the name God-Hand. Well, it's been used as a title in at least one anime (Initial D). Also, I think there was a game that was released named God-Hand? It's the name of the strongest knuckle for a character in the re-released Final Fantasy 3 (really FF6). But anyways, this isn't where inspiration for using this name came from. I once played a video game... what, one of the "Legend of Mana" series? There was a class called God-Hand there, it was a monk kind of thing, and it always struck me as a very impressive name. Henceforth, this shall be Naruto's favorite way to refer to his and his mother's 'chakra-impact technique'.

Insomnia is a sleeping disorder. It represents the inability to sleep or remain asleep for a reasonable period of time.

To be malnourished is to have lacked proper… nourishment. Visibly, it makes you kind of scrawny and thin.

A Tanuki is a member of the racoon-dog family and kind of looks like a racoon, but more chubby. Usually, they're brown. They're native to Japan.

There are 12 basic handseals. There are also special ones like the one Naruto uses in Kage-bunshin, which I believe is unnamed and as such is dubbed the "shadow" seal by me. Kage-bunshin means shadow-clone.

Shogi is that board game you'll see Shikamaru or old men play a lot in anime. It's a little similar to Chess, but certainly has its differences. For instance, the pieces are set up differently, can move differently, and can be changed into only one different type of piece through 'promotion'.

Mahjong is a game using tiles. It originated in China, but yes, spread to Japan. It is very much a gambling game. Luck is involved in a similar way as it is involved in Poker. There are a lot of variations, apparently.

Hmm... favorite sequence of lines in this chapter would be... hmm, it has to be: "h-human…" Gaara whispered with longing, "m-more than anything else I just wanted... to stay human! I just wanted to be normal! I just wanted to be liked! Friends! Family! I-If I could just have these things! If I could have them! I- **I** **would live for them!**"

But this part was pretty good too: "Yeah, right, kaa-chan!" Naruto defended righteously. "You lost all the time before you adopted me; and after you adopted me, you lost all the time!" He argued. "There's no change!"

As always, if I make mistakes: even just grammer or odd wording that you think is repetative or annoying go ahead and tell me. Advice is always good and I hate to say this but my BETA reader isn't perfect.

On that note, my BETA reader isn't that bad, either, so I say thanks to him.

Also, to the person who is sort of my pre-reader, I say thanks to him too.

Please Review

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 11

Unlocked

_Like the aftermath of a storm, __it was a calm but devastated scene on the inside of 98th Roppou Street. And both Naruto and Gaara were taking this time for a well deserved rest.  
_

Naruto lay slumped against the wall of 98th Roppou Street, looking at his destroyed surroundings. The living room had been thrashed, trashed – and in some places – even slashed. Three or four sizable holes were now found in the walls, but hopefully the building's integrity would stay for a bit longer… _Amazing,_ the boy thought, _Gaara and Shukaku were in a mental struggle for all of… maybe fifteen minutes. _

Naruto sighed. Almost as if to be a physical representation of the struggle between child and beast, Gaara's (or was it Shukaku's) sand had stormed though the room. That the original, helpless residents of 98th Roppou Street were still alive, was singularly thanks to Naruto's efforts. An effort that had left the boy exhausted.

"Heh, I have to admit, Gaara" Naruto grinned tiredly despite himself, "you… got guts" he chuckled. Coming out of that massive rumble alive – and apparently victorious – the feeling of catharsis was incredible. He sighed contentedly as he observed the red head in the middle of the room that was slumbering peacefully.

-

(Soliloquy start)

_Actually, from the moment I saw Gaara, I suspected something. There was just something in his posture… which I was instantly familiar with. Yes… it was the posture that I would never, ever allow myself to hold. No matter how natural it felt. _

_Because of my respect for my mother's love and her words that day, I could never, ever hold myself as a monster. _

-

Naruto, age four, confronted his mother at the local playground near their temporary house.

"Kaa-chan, I'm…" the child hesitated. "I'm different, right?"

Tsunade froze, though it didn't seem like it. No, actually she smoothly knelt to look her adopted son in the eye, but in truth she did freeze. She froze right at the heart. "N-Naru-chan… what – what's wrong?"

The young Naruto didn't meet his mother's eyes. He could not find the strength. "I just thought… well, I never apologized and… s-sorry, I guess…"

No. Surely not. Surely he could not _mean_ that! "For being… different?" Tsunade asked tentatively.

"…"

Tsunade grimaced slowly, as if in pain. Her son. Her stubborn and often annoying, but so lovable and warm and _darling _son: he'd nodded. "Naru-chan if you're sorry…" she began sadly, "then I'm sorry too."

Startled, the boy stared at her. "Wh-What?"

Smiling softly, she rubbed the boy's hair affectionately. "I'm different too, Naru-chan. Even if we leave out that I break and fix people almost without paying attention, have you ever met anyone that talks the same, walks the same, and looks the same as me?"

"What?" the boy scrunched up his face. "Of course there isn't someone like that!"

"That's right!" Tsunade shouted victoriously, surprising the hell out of Naruto. She shot to her feet, stomped her foot a bit and pointed down at her son's face – as if preparing for a life-or-death proclamation. Perhaps getting more fired up than was appropriate – assumedly so that what she said would have a lasting impression – she continued. "Likewise, there isn't anyone around that's the same as Naru-chan! This is a fact. It's so obvious that you're probably thinking 'what's Kaa-chan getting at?' or something like that. But actually, this is all just proof."

"Proof?" Naruto echoed.

"Yes," Tsunade nodded seriously. "This is the undeniable proof that you are unique. Everything that makes up Houou Naruto, belongs under your sole ownership. That ownership is impossible to transfer for the simple reason… that there isn't anyone that can take your place."

Understandably confused, as he could not see the relevance of this, Naruto could only go "E-Eh??" and look surprised.

"Whether you become a proud person or a stubborn person… strong, fast, wise, or even fat like a cow. These are the things which you will decide and build up for yourself. And whether these things are good or bad is up to individuals to decide. Naru-chan, that is how 'good' and 'evil' is decided in this world."

"…" Not saying a word, the boy only listened intently.

"But for instance, that shirt you're wearing" she eyed the offending piece of clothing. "It's a horrible orange, with a bright blue, giant mouse on the front. Actually, I think it's so ugly that I want to burn it when you aren't looking."

"Hey!" Naruto protested. "I like this shirt!"

"Yes" she agreed. "And even if the whole world were to decide to hate the damn thing; Even if there were rallies in the street and political discussions about just how such an ugly thing can exist… You are still allowed to like it. To form that opinion, in other words to build that viewpoint up: it's completely your right to do so. And that belongs to you. It may not – cannot – be taken. And the second that somebody tries to change that; the second they step beyond 'trying to convince' and into 'forcing to change'… at that time Naru-chan," Tsunade's voice became hard and sharp, "at that time… you may immediately punch that person in the face – at full force. And if you tell me what happened: even if the person is a Kage or a lawyer or a Daimyo… or even myself, I will come to back you up. Definitely," she intoned. Whispering, she added "Your status as a container… is also like that."

"Oh" the boy's eyes widened as he took time to think on this. "Ah… even though I didn't build it up myself, huh?"

"Yeah," Tsunade affirmed ruefully. "But sorry, there's one exception I didn't mention."

"Eh?"

"Even though I said all that," she knelt down slowly and hugged him tightly, "I won't allow you to say 'so I'm a monster' even if I have to force you through some unknown method. So if you want believe that then," she smiled, "you're going to have to punch me. You'll have to punch me forever."

"…N-Nah," the blond refused and rubbed at his mysteriously teary eyes (_there's some dust there, I swear_), "It's okay. Hey Kaa-chan?"

"Hm? What now?"

"I… Thanks. A lot"

"Ah."

There was a lengthy time as Naruto came to terms with his mother's words, feeling lighter and lighter. He was relieved that a weight of guilt that had slowly built upon his shoulders gradually, steadily evaporated. Finally:

"Kaa-chan?"

Tsunade's eyebrow raised, "What else?"

With the swift precision that all boys are in possession of, Naruto deftly destroyed the warm atmosphere. "This hug is kind of embarrassing"

"What!" Tsunade immediately demanded. "The hell it is! You're only four years old!"

"I'm a boy! Hugs outside the house aren't allowed!"

"A-Aren't allowed?" Tsunade echoed, "Aren't allowed, you said?! Do you realize that you're talking to your mother!? Just what kind of brat are you!?"

-

_Now that I think about it, it's as if Gaara represented the path that my past self did not walk down. Yes… he was the shadow of my past. He was the type of person which – under different circumstances – I could have become. And so I felt an overwhelming urge to befriend him, and believe in him. Additionally, if there was no hope for this person, then thoughts of what I might have been would continue to plague me forever._

Naruto sighed, making himself comfortable. Frankly speaking, he just didn't have the drive to get up and go anywhere right now. However, while he was exhausted, it was the kind of refreshing and purposeful exhaustion that came after a job well-done. Nonetheless, the boy was interrupted by a low, gurgling, growl.

His stomach? Ah, damn, the Taiyaki stand… Where the hell was it… But nah, he couldn't bring himself to wake up his new friend, who was sleeping peacefully for perhaps the first time… ever? Yes, that's probably right. That tanuki thing was either as unconscious as Gaara or worse. "You really did fight like hell, didn't you?" Naruto rhetorically asked the red-head, closing his eyes and settling in to join his friend in slumber. "You know," he mused sleepily, "I think you and me are going to get along just fine."

But Gaara was unconscious of course, so Naruto wasn't expecting any answer from all of this.

So when an eerie, high-pitched voice answered anyway, it sent chills down his spine. _"I wouldn't count on it"_

"N-No way!" Naruto bolted to his feet, or tried to. An enormous clawed arm encompassed his torso and pinned him up to the wall with a force that generated spider-web cracks along the surface. "Argh!" _D-Damn, what the hell? This thing?! What the hell's it going to take to put this thing down!?_

_- _

x-Sunagakure: Rooftops-x

Temari shivered at the sensation saturating her body. This sensation was that of excitement. She had seen something incredible here today. That blond idiot friend of hers… The one she could beat in chess without fail – to think he held within him such awesome power. Oh, she'd seen him study his medicine and she'd even seen him train a little. No, that wasn't it. The power that Naruto held, which impressed her to such an extent and sent her body shivering…

It was because of Gaara. That unstable Gaara who'd killed people for looking at him; and who'd killed people for _not_ looking at him… Through some magic, that Gaara had listened to Naruto. That unstable and incomprehensible Gaara had been _understood_ by Naruto. And with her idiot friend's support, and under his urging, that Gaara had seemingly silenced Shukaku – perhaps forever.

And without Shukaku there, and with Naruto's mysterious ability to communicate with Gaara, perhaps the meaningless and brutal killings would stop. Perhaps, too, she could be a sister to the little brother she'd never had closeness to. It was a change in the world she'd regretted her whole life, and it sent her heart racing.

Temari was just getting to her most excited and hopeful state about the wind of change that was seeming to blow through her world, standing up and clenching her hands in excitement, when she felt the aura of malice return in such force, and spread, and closeness to _reality_ that she was instantly crippled onto her knees, instinctually clutching her fan as if it would protect her. And she knew, in that moment, that the one thing which was never to be allowed to ever happen, did. Having seen a glimpse of heaven, it seems that in the cruel reality it was only a misleading prequel to hell.

-

x-98th Roppou street-x

"**Puny human!**" it shrieked. "**Puny prey! How pathetic: did you expect a great Tailed Demon like myself to lose?**" Naruto wasn't sure what chilled him the most: the feel of having his entire chest area slowly and inevitably compressed; the marrow-freezing voice which seemed so far detached from Gaara's own; or the face that produced that voice. Gaara's face, no: indeed his entire body seemed split into two halves down the middle. The left side remained eyes closed: slumbering peacefully – blissfully unaware of the right's actions and appearance. And in contrast, sand had covered the right side and converted it into a vicious tanuki covered in black line markings: out of whose eye glared hateful glee and out of whose fang-adorned mouth came a singing, high pitched and erratic voice laden with an undertone of death and joy simultaneously. Naruto didn't know what to think: with only one massive leg and one massive arm, the demon could exert such force?! "**You thought I could die? To die by a puny human! Oh, you're so fun, prey, but so stupid! Stupid just like that insolent child! Should I thank you? He fought so hard that his mind is bare of energy! It's mine for the taking and I'll never give it back! You've been so useful! So great!**" Oh. This was different. Surely, the voice and power behind it was as chill-inducing as ever, but the words lit Naruto on such a rage of fire that the demon struggled to keep him pinned.

"BASTARD!" Naruto all but howled as red-hatred consumed. Consumed him so completely that it became almost blinding. And despite his exhaustion, despite his already protesting ribcage, Naruto pressed his palms to the wall and engaged in a power-struggle with the tanuki. "What the hell do you know about it!? He really gave it his all! All to fight off his situation! All to change things and grasp the choices for his own future! Not minding whatever he had to suffer through, he fought on anyways! Damn you! Do you think you can put down such things in front of me?!" he growled. "I won't let a parasitic bastard like you talk about Gaara that way!"

If the sudden energy its quarry was exerting troubled Shukaku in any way, it failed to show it. "**As expected! This prey is strong after all! I'll enjoy your death so much! I want to thank you again! But little, puny human, don't forget your place.**"

"What the hell are you saying? 'Little human'… 'Puny human'… You're barely half of Gaara's body now, you bastard!" This was partially true. While Shukaku's height was not much more than Gaara, its bulk was considerably more. "I don't give a #$&#+& how tough you think you are! A pompous piece of shit like you is simply going to lose just like that king-idiot-Kyuubi you call a God!"

Time froze

Shukaku's one golden eye distilled from the raw surprise that flooded its brain. "**Kyuubi…sama?"** the awe-filled tone was very out of place with that high pitched voice. **"You…"** the momentary shock of Shukaku had lasted a moment too short for Naruto to manage that last push that would give him room to escape. Rather, the boy was slammed back into the wall with a thrust fuelled by raw, fanatical hatred and it was a wonder that the wall – and the boy – did not break under the force. **"How dare you speak of Kyuubi-sama in that way!"** Gone was the singing undertone in the demon's voice, replaced with an enraged seriousness. That already twisted face twisted further in mocking contempt, but the eye burned with a purposeful hatred. Shukaku's whole body shook with terrible emotion, and the transformation from _monster_ to _religious extremist_ was complete. "**SACRALIGE!"** the thing cried "**TREASON!**"

"Like… hell," the boy spat with what breath he could gather, suspended above the ground and half-way to becoming paste, "those things imply that I… subscribed to your crappy God-King… to begin with!"

"**Silence, mortal!"** Shukaku screeched. **"What would you know about our great Kyuubi-sama?!"**

_Crack!_

Despite himself, Naruto could not contain a scream of agony. That had been his rib. "Argh… ah… ah… H-Heh, I know…" Naruto grinned through the pain. Regardless of whether he was being crushed or not, he might as well piss off this thing if he couldn't kill it. "I know that he's a coward."

"…" It pleased Naruto greatly to render the stupid tanuki demon speechless, but its face said it all. "**Just die right away, scum.**" Ah, for once it wasn't screaming. "**You should say your repents to Kyuubi-sama before you enter his eternal grasp.**"

"What… last words?" Naruto gasped out. His earlier struggle with Shukaku hadn't freed him, perhaps. But when he had been crushed back into the wall, he had spared at least his right arm from getting pinned again. A savage grin graced his features. "Yeah, I have some last words for you…" _In accordance with the pride of a Houou… and according to my own pride as well: with whatever strength remains in this body, I will fight right until the moment I die!_ "Come on: one-more-time-! **God-Hand!**"

Naruto swung his fist around with as much manic force as he could manage. When the blow connected, it landed with a deafening thud – the likes of which dwarfed all other sounds of explosion from the course of this day. The power of the blow was likewise proportional in its magnificence and sand flew blindingly from the point of impact in a massive spray as the front of Shukaku's arm was literally blown to bits.

Shukaku, who was amazingly silent throughout having its arm blown apart, looked at the remnants of destruction as its suddenly pain-filled vision cleared. Compared to the tree-trunk mass of its arm before, merely a sliver of sand now connected its elbow to its arm. Its wrist had been almost completely annihilated.

As this scene sunk into the demon's mind, it finally let loose a blood-curdling scream – not of pain, but of horror.

Despite the fact that Shukaku was now in an incomplete form of a substitute form for its real body… a mere, infantile human who had already reached exhaustion almost destroyed its arm in a single blow. It went against everything that Shukaku had ever known and learnt. Such a thing was unthinkable and was – to put it in terms humans could understand – so freaky it was just plain wrong. "**Y-You! Just what **_**are**_** you?!**"

Short of breath and energy, Naruto pointedly spat out "me? I'm a… goddamn Houou". But even though he said this with bravado, there wasn't much to celebrate about. _Damn_ he thought bitterly, sporting a look of anger even as unconsciousness pressed itself upon him. There is no comparison between his current situation and simple exhaustion. Chakra is the physical and mental energy of a person. In other words, it is the fuel of life. When one almost completely, stupidly, runs out of resources with which they can manage to mould chakra, it is proportional to having your blood drained until you're ready to die. _Almost… went straight through…_ Thinking he'd get some kicks in before he snuffed it, Naruto muttered with contempt. "When kaa-chan finds you, she's gonna' kick your fat stupi – argh!"

"**That's enough**" the demon rumbled. Whether a Houou was a special designation such as a Kage, or whether they were different beings from humans completely… one thing was clear. Kyuubi-sama would find some amusement with this world. "**It's time to die, Houou**"

So intent on the boy before him, Shukaku did not notice the approaching attacker until it was too late.

"Ya!" with a hefty swing one could only pull off if one's opponent wasn't paying attention, or was an idiot, Temari slammed her gaint, closed fan onto Shukaku's arm in a downwards chop. The folded fan came crashing down with – compared to the powers that were thrown about inside this room previously – pitiful force. But it was enough to finish the severance of Shukaku's arm.

"Naruto-kun!" Temari caught her falling friend as Shukaku quickly leapt backwards – the severed hand now dissolved back into a formless pile of sand. Naruto immediately clutched his right shoulder even as he staggered.

"T-Temari-chan? What are you…" short of breath, and still in pain, Naruto's speech was littered with inconsistencies, "doing here?"

Temari hastily explained. "I felt Shukaku return, and I saw what happened t-through the holes in the wall." She spoke faster, "A-Anyways, we have to escape now! It doesn't have proper control over both Gaara's feet, so we can–"

"I can't!" the boy shouted in return

"N-Naruto-kun! Come on! This is enough!" she demanded. Damnit, she'd put up with a lot so far, but she just couldn't take this anymore. "Look at yourself! What can you do right now?!"

That was very true. However… "Temari-chan, look closer." Even as sand gathered to reform the stump Shukaku's right arm had turned into, sand was still continuing to seep over Gaara's body. The face was on its way to becoming completely demonic, and only the left arm and leg remained to be taken. "That thing's… trying to take him over" Naruto muttered quietly "And it will… never let him out once it does. It… _must_ be stopped here"

"…" she wanted to protest. She wanted to say 'screw it', hoist Naruto onto her back, and run for it. But those thoughts reeked of betrayal: she knew he'd never forgive her and he'd just crawl back here for sure. "Why… even now…" _why do you still have to fight against this nightmare that makes my knees shake with that hateful expression, staring at us as if we're to be… executed?_

"Temari-chan, just get out of here" the boy said not unkindly, wavering on his feet. Temari had never, ever seen her fellow blonde so… weak. And it unnerved her.

"Naruto-kun!"

"I'm fine…" the boy slumped to kneeling, coughing up blood. Unlike the usual times this happened to him, this time was simply due to having a few ribs broken and floating around free to poke at internal organs. As for Shukaku, that thing was calmly reconstructing its hand. But chakra lines for reconstruction were different than those of reinforcement. They were weaker: even Temari-chan had managed to break through the weaker sand. That thing wasn't moving because it was vulnerable as hell.

But that was fine. Even if he had the strength left, Naruto had no desire try to kill it – and Gaara within – just yet. No, a silent stand-off suited him perfectly. "Temari-chan, just run away. You don't have… to be here at all."

Flabbergasted, Temari stared at her almost stupidly brave friend. _Thank you Naruto-kun! Actually, I'd really like to run away, thank you very much! You understand perfectly! "Good luck!" is what I'd like to say…_ The girl tried to smile, but managed only a grim and pained expression in clenching her teeth.

Gulping nervously, Temari nevertheless made her stand. "So friends are just left out of the picture?!" she blurted with bravado.

"What?" was all the boy could whisper. And as it impacted the ground before his face and sent small chunks of floor around, Naruto became aware of just how _heavy_ Temari's fan really was.

"That thing you said before: 'I won't let my comrades die without a fight' or something. A motto in your family? I think it's stupid!" She took a deep breath and pointed a shaking, accusatory finger at Naruto. "It should be 'I won't let my _friends_ die without a fight!"

"…" Naruto looked up from his kneeling position, speechless. He knew very well how terrified Temari was of Gaara. Even if he hadn't seen her fear before – back on the rooftops – any fool could see it now. With her ashen pale face, her quavering voice, and her limbs that would not stop shivering in fear, it was fairly obvious. _Temari-chan… heh. I guess you, also, have your share of guts. _"It's your suggestion… that's stupid" he informed ruefully. "Something so obvious… can't be a motto" he smiled at her wanly. _Thanks_. "But there's one… condition" Naruto muttered as he scooted backwards.

For Temari, who was standing to Naruto's right, it was the first time she discovered that the boy had been doing something all this time. On the ground, in the line of sight that was previously blocked by his body, Temari saw that her friend had been writing a seal in his own blood. She felt a chill. "What… what is that?" Small but intricate, a circle was written into the ground and was crammed with lines, curves, and kanji that she could not make out. It was messy and smeared in places – writing a seal in blood is never preferred – but the level was far beyond her.

"That… condition is…" Naruto, grunting, informed. "If you see me go crazy, then you have to run away – at full speed. Just run… as far as you can. Don't… you dare stop." And so saying, Naruto painfully leaned forwards, pressing his forehead against the seal on the ground. Hearing a quick "w-what's that for?" he barely managed a two-word explanation of "emergency… key" before his body got fed up with him – pushing him into unconsciousness.

x-recap: chapter 2-x

"I don't understand it much, but It's a lock" Naruto re-iterated "it cuts Kyuubi out of the loop. And it seals off a quarter of my chakra to stay active all the time"

-

Naruto nodded. "Nee-chan picked out the day. She said making it work once every new moon would be more convenient. It's not bad, but I can't fight or train very well. I feel sick and… cough up blood a lot"

x-end recap-x

x-unconcious domain: The Cage-x

"_There it is" the boy muttered. Before him stood a massive wall of intricate, incandescent, lines. They rose up from the floor and shrouded eaverything beyond. _

"_Here goes, I'll shatter this lock seal in one punch!"_

_- _

x-'real' world: 98th Roppou street-x

"S-So… this is what you l-look like" Temari spoke. Whatever the plan Naruto had in mind, she hadn't been informed of her role at all. Understandable – it seems he'd had something in mind before she'd even shown up. All he wanted to do was get free of Shukaku's grip, and she'd helped with that. S-So wait, wasn't her role over already? _What the hell am I doing?!_ No. Even if wasn't part of the original plan, there should be something she could do as the only person conscious and on Naruto's side. What she could do was… "S-So Sh-Shukaku…san… shall we talk?" _What I can do… is stall for time. __Hurry up Naruto-kun._

"**Little girl**" the serious, yet still high-pitched voice began. "**I know you… you are… his **_**sister**_" the word was hissed contemptuously. "**That infidel must die, and I know how you fear me... Kill that fool! Kill that fool and you can live!" **

For her part, Temari was shocked at the demon's proposal for her own reasons. _This doesn't make any sense, _her numb mind insisted. _Was I wrong? Doesn't Shukaku… love to kill? Isn't this the monster that loves to hunt and kill its prey – the more interesting the better?! No, I can't be wrong! Why is it giving up on killing Naruto-kun? _The realization was daunting. _It's… it's… afraid…Despite holding every advantage, Shukaku is weary. It's worried that Naruto has something huge up his sleeve and hastily wants to end this fight before he gets a chance to attack again. I-I see. _Temari's critical mind… even under stressful and terrified conditions, it is something to be respected. _If it's just me, then I don't have a chance either at fighting, or stalling such a monster, but the trump card is…_ "Please, consider the situation S-Shukaku-san"_ my trump card is that I'm that unpredictable idiot's comrade. I'm his proxy here… In other words, I can speak on the behalf of that person which Shukaku is afraid of! Yes! If there's one area where I'm confident to stand over Naruto-kun, it has to be in sly mental games like chess! I'll fight with my words! This will be a battle of trickery!_

"B-By now," the girl hesitantly began, "y-you should understand that Naruto-kun is strong… I don't think there needs to be any proof from me about this…" oh god, she hoped this would at least sound like such believable bullshit that Shukaku would divert concentration from regenerating its arm to listen. "I r-realize that your true form is much greater than this… but in your current form, isn't this too much of a risk?" she tried, hard, not to plead. "Whether Naruto-kun's an infidel or an interesting prey… you can't do anything if you're dead right? A-And, whatever strength your true form has, it doesn't matter if you're dead before you can reach that, right?"

Shukaku hadn't been very sane, even before coming to the human world. But there had been a time, long ago, where some semblance of reason had inhabited it. Some part of that logic had remained intact – sealed or partitioned off – in the area reserved, reverently, in its mind for the top-priority matters concerning Kyuubi-sama. However, this was a fraction of a fraction after all. "**That fool insulted Kyuubi-sama! He would oppose Kyuubi-sama!**" Shukaku bellowed "**What are you saying?!**" it demanded. "**A delay in his death? Impossible! My own life or death is not a problem! Your life or death is not a problem! If that **_**scum **_**can die right now… any price is **_**fine**_" the enraged demon hissed.

-

x-unconcious domain-x

"_Shit, it won't break. No matter how much I punch this thing it won't budge! Damnit, the seal is really written well – my chakra is slammed into this wall too damn well to simply break it, no matter how hard I try! Another way… I need a new angle"_

_There was silence for a time; the boy needed a solution – fast. _

"_But it is my chakra; this wall… is constructed from the energy that fuels my body and soul. If that's the case, even if it's locked into this form by a written seal, then… that's it!" here, the boy slammed his forehead against the surface, gritting his teeth. "Come on! You're my chakra aren't you? Do what I want you to do, damnit! If it's a matter of controlling chakra… I – won't – lose!" The boy tightened his eyes in concentration. "Any direction is okay. Just don't stay in that seal! Break out, come on, come on, come on! You stupid wall! Normally, I'm very grateful that you're here! I can reach levels of chakra control that are fantastic, and I can live life in a more normal circumstance! But damnit, right now I need you to go away, so… just… DISSAPEAR!" the last word, echoing throughout the area, signaled the end of Naruto's struggle, as the wall obediently cracked and then – the circuit being broken – it shattered into what looked like a hundred thousand pieces, and the massive sea of red energy beyond became visible. _

_No, in fact, the terrible truth was that the hard part was only beginning. "Shit" the boy swore even as the sea of red looked to crush him, as if it were a tidal-wave. "This is going to hurt like hell." However, it had been what he'd waited for, and so he charged head-first into it with a battle-cry.  
_

-

x-'real' world: 98th Roppou street-x

An ear-piercing wail made itself known in the middle of the heavy atmosphere.

Temari's attention was immediately diverted. "Naruto-kun?" Her eyes widening, she screamed in shock "y-you're on fire!" Indeed, the back of Naruto's shirt and jacket had caught fire. Not wanting to expose him, she continued to hold the fan up while trying to out the fire – hastily kicking the inflammable blonde. She didn't realize the futility of her actions until… "h-his shirt is'nt on fire…" Temari whispered to herself, fearfully, "his back is".

As the ashes of Naruto's once pristine top fell away, the intricate 'tattoo' on his back became quite visible, as it was lined in a searing fire.

-

x-unconscious domain: the cage-x

_As the red mist converged upon Naruto and he became lost in the sensation of having his body suddenly screwed with on an epic level, a voice pierced through his foggy mind as the pain immediately slowed to a fraction of itself. _

"_**So, the brave Jailor has come to visit again. How odd."**_

"_What the hell are you doing?"_

"_**Just what it seems, Jailor-san. I can't stop it all: I am ever under the power of that man's seal – but I can do this much at least. That blue wall of yours suddenly disappeared at once, unlike its usual, gradual vanishing act. Not expecting your human mind or body to sustain such a situation… I sought to regulate things. I expected gratitude."**_

"_You're not… winning any favors, Kyuubi. I'd rather… it be the opposite."_

"_**Intriguing. Then you wish to suffer more?"**_

"_You could say that. As much as possible"_

"_**Amazing. Then I take it that assistance would constitute a… 'favor'?"**_

"…"

"_**Well?"**_

"…_Shit… You aren't even going to let it return to the normal flow, are you, you bastard?"_

"_**My question has yet to be answered. Would it constitute a 'favor'?"**_

_Naruto grit his teeth and glared for all he was worth, but Temari and Gaara were out there right now, and he simply didn't have time for this. He didn't have time for anything. Clamping his eyes shut, It was none the less a horrific effort to ground out "…Yes"_

_A low, foreboding chuckle greeted him. __**"Then, Jailor-san, we have an agreement."**_

"_Urk! Krk! Ughhh…! A-AAAAAARGH!"_

"_**Such a fascinating child. Enjoy my power… 'Jailor-san'"**_

"_AAAAAAAAARRH!"_

"_**I'll remind you to try to survive… a dead jailor can't repay his debts, after all."**_

_-_

x-'real' world: 98th Roppou street-x

Naruto, who was screaming, unconscious, and on fire, was basically the only hope left for Temari. _Naruto-kun… just what in the world are you doing?!_

"**Enough talk!" **Shukaku demanded. The puny human boy had held back up to a quarter of his true energy, and for what – Shukaku knew not. But that energy had simply disappeared and was now replaced by a new, strange feeling. A familiar feeling, but too miniscule to identify. Whatever it was, this, surely was the true desperation-technique being played. A strange human, with strange and powerful techniques… Shukaku did not want the last technique to be actualized. So, the Tailed-Beast, right arm reformed, charged at Temari with a battle-wail. **"Diiieeeee!"**

With impossible speed, Temari found a demon before her, its massive claw shattering through her fan with ease and appearing inches from her midsection.

_Naruto-kun…_ she clearly thought in the space between seconds - which all people are allotted before death _…I'm sorry._ Clenching her eyes shut in fear, she could only grunt as all wind was emptied from her lungs as she was hurled recklessly like a rag doll.

But she… did not die.

"Umph!" She was roughed up, but it was a wonder that was all.

Standing where she had been previously, Shukaku sneered at the far wall in front of it.

_At the last moment… Naruto-kun pushed me to the side?! Then…!_ Temari, too, snapped her head to where Shukaku was sneering. There, through a hole in the wall and across the street, a pile of rubble covered Naruto's form, and only a singular leg could be seen protruding from the wreckage there, at an impossible and clearly broken angle.

"Naruto-kun!"

Shukaku did not even acknowledge Temari as she sprinted to her friend's side.

The boy had been sent flying through the wall of 98th Roppou street, and had then crashed into a small, one story, water storage unit. If he had not died from the impact or having the rubble crushing him, then he would shortly drown to death.

Reaching his side, Temrai quickly tried to check her friend's leg. "Ow!" _He – He's burning up!_ In fascination, she watched the leg twitch uneasily before immediately snapping back to its proper angle – and with a sickening 'pop' and a drawn out hissing sound, became completely healed.

Spluttering water all the while, Naruto slowly rose out of the wreckage. **"Th-This battle…"** the red eyed boy whispered, **"has gone on **_**way**_** too long."**

Though he said this, he was crippled by a bloody coughing fit in the next moment. But Temari did not miss the way his voice seemed to bleed power.

Naruto didn't look forward to the limp back to 98th Roppou street, so he was actually grateful when Shukaku's powerful legs carried it before him in an instant. With relief, he noted that Gaara's left hand hadn't been taken yet. _I can still get him back._

"**MORTAL!" **the tanuki demanded, closing its fist around Naruto's upper arm. **"You will answer me! What hav–"**

"**No. I won't."** the blonde rebuffed steely. Taking a deep breath, he continued. **"And who do you call... 'mortal'?"**

Shukaku's eyes widened, its grip loosened, and that was enough.

With explosive strength, Naruto ripped Shukaku's arm from him and grabbed the demon's head in a fierce grip, bringing his slit-eyed stare inches from the tanuki's golden eyed expression of shock. **"What's wrong, Shukaku?" **the boy began,** "don't tell me you can't sense it? Then I will… show it... to you!"**

Gritting his teeth, Naruto drew more demonic power into himself, until the enduring pain he'd been putting up with became white-hot and crippling. In fact, he was now using his grip on Shukaku's head to steady himself, though the demon did not notice anything. Even when the red chakra now storming out of Naruto began to melt the sides of its sand-composed face into glass, Shukaku remained frozen. **"K-Kyuubi… sama?"**

"**Kneel"**

Hearing the single word from Naruto, as if Shukaku were not a tanuki but actually a trained dog, it's body instantly and obediently followed the command as if out of pure reflex - it's knees hitting the floor with a massive _'thud_'. **"Y-Your… majesty…"**

Watching the reverently bowed head, Naruto had now placed his hands on Shukaku's shoulders – he still needed to support his weight after all. Shukaku simply failed to care as it turned its face upwards again and was splattered with coughed up blood.

Panting, Naruto continued. **"Loyal minion... you must be... confused..." **

Shukaku, on it's part, didn't know what to think at all. But it could _feel. _And this one feeling, this one particular power could not lie; could never be faked. And could never be stolen. Some pitiful fools had tried, before, in the demon realm. In his amusement, Kyuubi-sama had allowed those rebels to trap some of his chakra inside themselves.

Under Kyuubi-sama's smallest flicker of intent, the chakra had killed the rebells in seconds - acting as the most brutal and powerful poison imaginable.

**"About those things I said," **Naruto bravely continued, gambling everything on his believability and the only power of Kyuubi's at his disposal - authority. **"I…"**

Temari – now hiding behind a building in an attempt to stay as out-of-the-way as possible – watched in equal awe and fear as her friend struggle briefly to come up with some believable bullshit.

"**I was merely testing your faith"** Naruto said seriously. **"Actions are the most important after all and… you have proven yourself."**

_That's bullshit! _Temari almost cried aloud. _Naruto-kun, that's going too far! No one's going to believe such–_

"**Really?!" **Shukaku squealed.

"**Yes"**

_He believed it!_ Temari struggled to accept this.

"**Listen, Shukaku," **here he coughed some more blood which again went unnoticed. **"Though I am like this... I am... not Kyuubi-sama, but... am in fact his right-hand man"**

"**You…?"** the demon asked in wonder

"**Yes. He has…" **Naruto, still in his pain-fogged mind, struggled for what to say, **"…blessed me with his power, as you can see. Be… happy, for Kyuubi-sama is pleased with your…" **crap, what was the word? Damnit he needed to sound serious **"…devotion"**

If Shukaku had been happy before, it now looked ready to get up and skip around while clapping like a child.

Naruto made sure to keep the demon kneeling with a serious look. **"Now... Do nothing, but stay quietly within your host – Gaara – and… await further orders."**

_I see,_ Temari analyzed, _he quickly ran out of believable things to say._

"**I will contact you again… on the next new moon"**

"**Yes, your-highness!"**

"**One more thing,"** Naruto's grip tightened, and this time Shukaku -did- notice. **"If you… dare to disobey, and cause death or… trouble… for your host…"** Red eyes narrowed into slits** "I'll kill you." **It was a promise.

But whether it was a part of the bluff, or a real promise from Naruto himself, even Temari couldn't tell.

"**Y-Yes, your-highness."**

"**Disappear"**

With that simple order, Shukaku spoke a quick **"Hai!"** and in the next instant the sand composing its body fell apart, revealing the human inside.

As Naruto caught the falling boy, his own legs gave in and the two fell to the floor on Naruto's back. **"That was…" **Naruto let out a long, shaky breath, feeling much tension leave his body despite the enduring pain he was under,** "…one hell of a thing. But finally, the stupid tanuki is down… for real, this time... kind of..."**

…for now

"Naruto-kun…" Temari approached. "You… that… _is_ you, right?"

"**Yeah," **the boy mumbled back. It was very awkward to hear that echoing, powerful voice speak in a tired tone.

"**Sorry…" **and he _did_ look it, as well,** "I'll tell you about… this Kyuubi crap later… I'm not… crazy though."**

"Ah... heh.." she didn't know why the chuckles started, but the raw relief she felt - knowing that the danger had, somehow, been passed - probably had something to do with it. "he ha ha ha... a-alright. As long as you tell me...".

"**Sorry, but can you help… me and Gaara back home?"**

"Sure." Temari helped her friend up. "But…" she glanced uneasily at her brother. "I…"

Startled, Naruto snapped his head to look at her in the eye. **"****Even now… you're still afraid of him? You can't... even touch him?"** seeing Temari silently and sadly turn her head away in response, he sighed with bitterness. **"That's… a damn shame." **

"I… think so too"

**"Hmm" **the boy listened, somewhat understanding what his friend was trying to say. **"Is that... so? Well, then... that's... not so bad at all"  
**

This light-hearted response seemed not to be the type Temari was expecting. "Really?" she asked, practically incredulous. **  
**

**"What, are you... suddenly stupid?! With this, then... as long as you can keep that... attitude... and gather up the guts to... stand by it, then..."**the blonde demon-container smiled tiredly, **"any other problems are... just annoyances."**

"Heh," Temari scoffed softly to herself. "Is that so..."

This time, the immediate reply was to be expected.

**"That's so."**

-

-_  
_

* * *

_-_

_-_

_- _

_Omake_

_It was three days after the Shukaku incident. Naruto – who's broken bones, burns, and even fatigue had been cured by Kyuubi's chakra – had already rested his mind and soul and was ready to go._

x-Sunagakure: Houou family residence (temporary)-x

"You want to go _where?_" Temari prompted

"To the seamstress's, so what!" Naruto replied indignantly. "Boys can want to go to the seamstress's, if they want to!"

"Not if the boy is you." Temari insisted with a flat look. "What's going on?"

Cocking an eyebrow that said 'what, you really can't tell what this is about?' Naruto explained "Look: if kaa-chan finds out I had a fight where my clothes were almost destroyed, my bones were broken, and my back was covered in second degree burns, what do you think will happen?"

"Er…"

"I'll tell you what'll happen!" Naruto shouted. "You can just forget about 'Noogie of Instant Humiliation' or 'Burning Noogie of 100 retributions', I'm going to have to fear for my life" the boy informed with such a straight face and even tone, that Temari was wondering if he was exaggerating or not. "Wait, she might really ban Ramen this time… No, I don't even want to think about it! But if it's kaa-chan then maybe she might even do it…"

"Er, be that as it may…"

Naruto, who was preoccupied with this horrified thought, failed to hear his friend. "What do you think?" he asked her seriously. "She wouldn't, right? I mean, punching me into the wall or noogies until my hair actually catches on fire… that's one thing, but Ramen bans are just too cruel, don't you think?"

Temari held up a hand as if to say 'now just stop right there.' "Naruto-kun, I really can't make comments on your family, as it doesn't match with any normality at all" Temari informed. "Anyways, why is going to the seamstress's so important?"

"Haven't you been listening?!" he demanded. "We need to erase all evidence, or I'm in deep trouble" he pointed out. "My outfit was destroyed, so I have to go replace it!"

Temari blinked. "Don't you have… seven of those or something? Is it really urgent? And where are you even going to get the money! You said those things were made of 'Crystal Silk' from Water-Country! Do you know how expensive that is over here?! One hundred thousand yen just for a metre of cloth!"

"Ah, oh well," he fake-lamented, "don't worry about me," he assured her, "if you don't want to come then you can just stay here alone with an unconscious Gaara, and a Shukaku that will probably be obedient and not try to take over Gaara's mind in his sleep and kill you very painfully."

"Th-That's not exactly… I mean, don't get me wrong… the seamstress's sounds like fun. I love going to the seamstress's…"

Naruto blinked. "I was just teasing"

Temari sweatrdopped. "Well, even if you say that now…"

"Well, whatever" Naruto assented, rummaging under his bed for his frog-shaped money-pouch. "It's not like I know where the seamstress's would even be, much less prices and qualities and stuff. So it's good that you're coming" here he paused. "Hmm, also I've been thinking about getting you a present anyways."

"W-What?" Noting that the boy had dropped such a conspicuous statement before leaving as if this was a perfectly natural thing to do, Temari chased after him. "Wait, you said 'present'?! Hey, clarify that a little!"

-

x-later, Sakyuu residence-x

Temari sighed, holding the large brown paper-bag by it's handles as she stepped in the door. "I'm back"

"Oh," Kankuro met her as she was removing her sandals. "Yo. So you're home now?"

"Just here for an hour," she tiredly explained. "To check in with father, and then I'm leaving again."

"And what's that?" Kankuro pointed at the offending object.

"This?" Temari hefted tiredly. "This is a present from Naruto-kun."

That was quite interesting. "A present? What for?! What is it?!"

"It is," Temari started seriously, "the most tacky, ugly, and absurd thing I've ever seen in my life."

"I-Is that so…"

_Inside the bag, incidentally, was a silken summer-kimono bought at an expensive and classy place that she'd only dreamt of entering before that day. However the terrible, terrible, catch was that it's pristine white base was embroidered with flowers, small animals, clouds and the such. However, what was uniquely distressing about this kimono… was that the animals were frogs and they, like the flowers, clouds, and such, were solid, vibrant orange. This was all wrought by a master's hand. But that master had evidently been thinking very strange thoughts during the creation of this piece. The seamstress of the place had been embarrassed and horrified that the kimono was even in public sight, and had apparently screwed up somewhere, putting it with the normal inventory. Of course, Naruto had fallen in love with it instantly and had even demanded a male kimono with the same theme. As for the particulars of this event… well, that was something for another time… perhaps._

"If it's so terrible…" Kankuro began, "why don't you just get rid of it?"

Here Temari looked truly sad and wistful. "Kankuro… have you ever gotten something from someone very close to you, and even though you hate it, you still feel like cherishing it anyways?"

There was a lengthly pause before. "No, I… haven't."

"Me either" was the soft response as Temari kept her eyes locked on the bag in her hands. "Because for us there aren't such people to begin with. This," the girl began while walking smoothly past her brother, "is my first one, so... I'm planning to hold on to it."

Kankuro – who had been stunned by the frank way his sister had suddenly touched on a delicate and strange topic, and was now on the path to silent contemplation as to what had brought this on, and the meaningfulness of her words – snapped out of it and turned when she suddenly addressed him again.

"Oh, that's right," she said, almost in afterthought, "I should really introduce you two" she gave him a pissed-off look. "Wash off that terrible make-up first."

This elicited an immediate response. "Shut up! It's not bad for an amateur try – I'm still a novice!" Kankuro argued. And, realizing what he had failed to deny, he quickly added: "And another thing, It's not make-up!"

His sister revealed a thoroughly shocked expression. "I'm…" she slowly began, "… a little disturbed that you denied it being make-up secondly, and like it was an afterthought." She apparently tried to firm her resolve and continued. "Anyways, it's none of my business, but that thing is ugly so get rid of it." Looking a only a little ill, she continued. "If you want to, then you can tell him in words rather than makeup that you're–"

Horrified at being misread, Kankuro was swift with his interrupting denial. "I'm not like that! Seriously! Just listen!" he feverishly pleaded, "you see: there's not only 'girl makeup' but 'actor makeup'! Yes!" He declared passionately. "This is a common oversight! In fact, isn't it obvious that an actor's wardrobe is the job of a 'makeup artist'?! But commonly, people still–"

But Temari had already left.

"I'm not." Kankuro denied pitifully to the empty air. "Will someone please, at least listen to me…"

* * *

_End._

My typo-checking person hasn't gone over this yet. I'll see if he can do it tomorrow.

A soliloquy is defined as: 1. a (usually long) dramatic speech intended to give the illusion of unspoken reflections. Or 2. a speech you make to yourself.

A second-degree burn is harsher than a light burn, but not at third-degree levels, which involves charring of the skin.

About the lag between the last chapter and this chapter... well, all I can say is: summer vacation is really wonderful.

It also was a very troublesome chapter to get out there, for some reason.

In the omake, I had actually planned to go into the scene at the seamstress's shop and wrote five hundred words or so. However, I was having trouble fitting the scene together, and it would have been a long thing in an omake that I suddenly realized was already getting long.

If you find a word you don't understand, please tell me in a review. I only had to explain two things this time, and that makes me feel as if I must have missed some things...

This time, my favorite line simply has to be: "Even though I said all that," she knelt down slowly and hugged him tightly, "I won't allow you to say 'so I'm a monster' even if I have to force you through some unknown method. So if you want believe that then," she smiled, "you're going to have to punch me. You'll have to punch me forever."

Oh, this was good too: "She wouldn't, right? I mean, punching me into the wall or noogies until my hair actually catches on fire… that's one thing, but Ramen bans are just too cruel, don't you think?"

Please Review

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 12

Necessary Departure

_The __Houou's__ stay in __Sunagakure__ was one filled with tension and complications. However, __after all the strife was over. The family would __communally__ look back on their time there and say... "__it__ was worth it"__. However, for a number of reasons they simply had to leave. This was __Harder__ on __Naruto__ than his family, as he had to depart from his friends, one of whom had some need of him. But even __Naruto__ agreed that it was time to leave. The rational for this was simply: 'it was for the best.' _

_Sadly, shortly after __Gaara__ had awoken, __Shukau__ had as well. __While the demon was now placated or rather__, subservient.__ T__he cause for this was simply a bluff. __Naruto__ was no 'Right Hand' of __Kyuubi__. He was the demon's container – its jailor. If __Shukaku__ were ever to discover this__ fact, an imminent __catastrophe would arise and__ Gaara's__ mind would likely be the first casualty. And so, mere days before the coming of the next new moon__ Naruto__ himself suggested that they depart._

It was a sombre affair. Temari sported the kind of reluctant sadness that came from a person well prepared in the mind, but not the heart, Kankurou revealed a kind of awkwardness, and Gaara showed...

Nothing

In fact, by Gaara's blank and empty image, as if he were a mannequin, it was as if the previous days had never happened

Yes, even when Naruto walked forwards with arms raised for embrace, there was no reaction.

Temari stepped forwards and met Naruto. "Take care Naruto-kun. I don't know what kind of trouble you'll get into out there without someone like me to keep your head on your shoulders, but..." she pushed a smile up. "Keep the collateral damage to a minimum, ok?"

Naruto drew back and laughed. "Don't worry. Shizune-neechan takes care of that stuff."

Temari chuckled too. "Then try not to stress her out too much, dummy"

"Don't worry. Nee-chan's hardened from years of dealing with Kaa-chan. For her, there isn't anything called 'too much' about this topic."

"N-No..." Temari denied. "That's not quite what I was saying..." the blond girl shook her head. There was just no helping it. Naruto had his own brand of idiocy after all."Anyways..." she discretely flicked her eyes to her little brother. "Are you sure... it's ok?" _Leaving him like this?_ She wanted to ask._ Leaving __**us**__ with him while he's like this?_

"You mean Gaara?" As usual, the boy didn't care much for subtlety as the boy they were talking about was perhaps a foot away, "Yeah. He'll be fine."

"That..." Temari swallowed her protests. "Alright." _If you say so_

"Kankurou" he turned to address the puppeteer. "It would have been nicer if we met earlier. Next time, let's do some three or four-person games for a change"

"Ah, y-yeah" Kankurou awkwardly shook Naruto's outstretched hand.

"I can tell you really love the culture of kabuki actors since you paint your face every day even though it looks like make up and you probably aren't a into guys. Keep it up. You will surely get better at it someday"

"I will tell you it isn't easy to stick with it" Kankurou sighed. "Wait - what's with that '_probably'_?"

Ignoring the puppetmaster-in-training's cry of 'give me a break already!', Naruto faced his last 'goodbye'.

"Kohai" Gaara flinched: finally, finally being addressed. A hand fell to ruffle his hair, and it was Temari and Kankurou's turn to flinch. Besides Naruto there still wasn't anybody who could approach that close to Gaara's 'space' without danger.

'Kohai?' Shizune mouthed to her mentor, very confused.

Tsunade just shrugged. Like a lot of kids, Naruto frequently bent the already flexible (depending on the situation and tone) rules of titles and honorifics. Exactly in which way was Naruto this kid's senior?

"Senpai" Gaara whispered back.

"Remember to take care of yourself Gaara" Naruto reminded. "Eat right: you want to grow up properly, right?"

nod

"Your body's frail from undernourishment too, so be careful of accidents and stuff"

nod

"And," the blonde seemed to struggle for something else, confident that there was more. "Remember to get some proper sleep"

nod

"And don't let that punk tanuki push you around! She's a bully. And do we listen to bullies?"

Head shake: no

"T-Tsunade-sama" Shizune whispered. "Doesn't... it seem like..."

"Y-Yeah..." Tsunade nodded. "Rather than 'Senpai-Kohai', I somehow want to call this 'parent-child' or 'protective big brother – little brother'..."

"Right" Naruto nodded, not seeming to mind that Gaara wouldn't meet his gaze. "Well, just... just take care of yourself, Gaara. Don't do anything you don't agree with. I'll see you around..."

nod

The children said their final goodbyes, and the Houou's began their long track out of the Sunagakure territory.

"Gaara" Temari mumbled bravely, watching the tense back of her brother and the distant and disappearing back of her friend. "Are you really alright with it like this? Shouldn't you at least... say something?"

"...N-Naruto-senpai!" the boy choked out. And as loud as his lungs could afford, shouted. "Next time, let's have some more Taiyaki!"

Even in the distance, one could see Naruto's responding grin. "Sure!"

* * *

Naruto silently led the way. Actually, it was a hell of a lot easier than walking here. The heavy wind which had fought them on the way to Sunagakure was now to their backs after all.

As for shizune, she could do with some conversation. "Does it seem like something happened between Naruto-kun and that Gaara-san? He was very withdrawn during our departure."

"Hmmm" Tsunade struck a thoughtful pose while walking. "That may be so. Possibly he was bullied like that pink girl Naruto said he met in Kohona, since he has a pretty outstanding face" she recalled the red 'Love' kanji tattooed to his head. "However to strike at the true core of my personal concerns..."

"Hm? Tsunade-sama?"

The sannin huffed, frowning. "Honestly I'm really itching for more information on the Naruto-Temari situation."

"T-Tsunade-sama, could you possibly be thinking..."

"I mean," Tsunade began, still posing thoughtfully as her eyes glinted quite dangerously. "Like I said, I demand information on any cute 'first romantic encounter' situation." She declared, before clenching her fist before her in despair. "Damnit. As soon as I leave for a few weeks, this kind of thing happens out of my sight! A precious part of Naru-chan's development!"

"T-Tsunade-sama..."

"Oy Naru-chan!"

"Hm?" Naruto turned quizzically

Ignoring silent pleads from her apprentice to stop, Tsunade carried on anyways. "What's your relationship with that Temari anyways?"

"Eh?" the boy's face screwed up in a kind of disbelieving confusion. "Haven't you met her plenty of times?"

"Don't compare this and that." Tsunade 'tsked'. "Back then it was a clearly platonic relationship"

"Hah? What do you care?" Nartuo demanded. Platonic... non-romantic? "Or rather, isn't it still like that?"

"Oy. You know that I'm a girl right?"

"What? Of course!"

"Then I'm telling you I know these things." Tsunade tapped the side of her temple in emphasis. "I know what it means when a woman puts up with wearing something like that, in order to look beautiful just to that one certain person." She nodded resolutely to herself, as if that settled things. "That kimono: so orange, so green, so many frogs. It must be love. I'll take a lot of pictures next time"

Naruto would have been incredulous at his mother's radical jumping to conclusions, as well as her anti-orange and wholly backwards sense of style, but he could tell from the starry look in her eyes that she was already in a far away place.

A far away... and really scary place

Sometimes, because she could just get _that_ odd in a weird, maternal way... it wasn't worth it arguing with her. _Probably_... _i__t's__ just a mother thing._

Eager to change the conversation, Shizune fell into step with her mentor and little brother. "Naruto-kun, do you have the mailing address?"

"Yeah" Naruto swiftly turned from his mother and her wild accusations.

"That's good" Shizune smiled. Living this kind of semi-nomadic lifestyle, Shizune was concerned that Naruto would suffer from such a non-permanent environment. Having constant pen-pals regardless of where he was in the world... such a thing was indeed welcomed. "Your number of pen-pals has grown hasn't it?"

"It's great."

x-flashback-x

"Well," Naruto began, having just picked up his mother's massive Sake-scroll. "That's everything"

"Senpai"

"Hi Gaara" A part of him regretted the whole Senpai-Kohai arrangement. It inherently implied a kind of inequality, though only within a certain field.

And there was something so wrong with being forced to act at all times.

Of course, Naruto knew a little about espionage and the value of a good, reliable bluff. Hey, he was a ninja, right? But this was different. After Naruto and the tanuki's throw down, the only thing keeping the insane demon subdued was its loyalty to its King: 'Kyuubi-sama', and by extension Naruto, the 'Right Hand' of that king.

It wasn't a matter of convincing Shukaku that Naruto was somehow operating under Kyuubi. He'd shown 'enogh' proof already and religious fanatics were never known for their questioning of their superiors. It was a matter of showing some _goddamn _respect to the 'Right Hand of God'. The normal humans didn't know anything about Naruto's 'divine station', and so their ignorant level of respect towards him could be tolerated – even encouraged if Naruto was 'in disguise', so to speak. But those who _knew_ and especially Gaara, who was pumped full of enough youki to be apply for honorary demon-ship already, should show a different level of respect. Even if it worked against Naruto's 'imaginary cover', there wasn't any helping it. It was already a miracle that a religious fanatic could have his standards bent to this degree.

And so Naruto was the 'Senpai'. He who was looked up to and respected. The senior. The wiser. The one who 'knew the ropes' and could offer valuable advice. The sometimes protector and instructor of the 'Kohai', who in turn paid respect and humbleness.

It fell short of the level that Shukaku thought appropriate. But hell, he'd just have to deal with the will of 'God's Right Hand'.

Well, it wasn't a weak enough respect to drive the tanuki into a berserk state, and neither was it strong enough to unsettle anyone important, such as Gaara's father, so it was fine.

Naruto addressed the red-headed boy in front of himself. "Well, this is it Gaara. I have to go now. I can't stay here any longer."

"...Yes"

"Then let's say 'goodbye' here. I know you don't do so well in public"

"Senpai..." the boy began in a voice small and weak. A voice that only recently found need for exercise. "I... I just wanted to thank you... I-I'm really happy to be called a friend by you. Without you, I couldn't have... changed anything and..." There was a sharp snap of movement and the next thing Naruto knew, Gaara had bowed very deeply at the waist. "Thank you..."

That did it. Embarrasedly, Naruto scratched his cheek and looked away. "I'll remember to write, Gaara. It's a promise."

"U-Un"

x-end flashback-x

"Naruto-kun?"

"Eh?" Naruto shook out of his reverie. "Sorry, what did you say Nee-chan?"

"I was asking what the rush was for?" She looked concerned. "Although simple Konoha citizen immigrants have a limited period of time to stay in other countries we're still leaving early. Is it really ok?"

"Sure" Naruto nodded. "Kaa-chan's getting grumpy without a 'proper' gambling hut. Not to mention the debt-people are probably catching on to our location..." _And I also have to go. There are a lot of reasons. _Naruto sighed.

"Ah, that's... true" Shizune admitted, restraining the depression in her voice. Though Tsunade was making some kind of effort to reduce her debt, sadly the transgressions of her past (and present) cannot be erased so quickly.

"And you've also passed your test, right?" Naruto pointed out. "It's just time to go."

"Well," Shizune remained reluctant, "it's good that you're alright with it. You can always write them or visit, too. Although actually," she began, putting a 'what can you do about it' smile on, "actually I didn't pass."

"Eh?" Naruto exclaimed. "But kaa-chan said -!"

"An exception was made" Shizune continued. "I was supposed to handle the patients on my own, but in the end I ran for Tsunade-sama anyways. I clearly violated the rules. Furthermore, during that time the patients were left unattended. I..." Shizune hated to have her adoptive little brother think any less of her, but she disliked keeping secrets from him on simple principle. "I actually was 'failed'. Actually, she used an 'F' stamp and red ink on my forehead, knocking me unconscious."

Naruto's eyebrow's shot up. "But she said you passed. She even said you 'graduated bravely'"

"Ahahaha," Shizune laughed, embarrassed. "Well, that's because I quickly regained consciousness and forced her into doing her best to help the patient."

"Eh?" Now that was alarming. What's more, his kind, placid sister just spoke such a sentence with her usual smile and as if she was talking about cooking dinner. "You did? To _kaa-chan_ How exactly?" While it was true that his Nee-chan had occasionally trained him in various things, they were always very tame. Nothing advanced. Surely, she had some kind of mysterious ranking in Konoha's forces in the past but to force _kaa-chan_ into something?

The Amazing Shzinune! Could it be that within an unassuming demeanour lays incredible power?

"Yes," the mysterious elder sister smiled pleasantly, "with blackmail"

Naruto was not quite sure what to think. _Somehow, I __feel that it's almost as amazing?_ "Neechan," he began, "that... you're kind of different today"

"Really? Well, helping the Shoujou's was a very difficult experience and I'm really so happy that things worked out."

Naruto nodded. The so-called Flesh-Eating disease... he didn't know too much about it – only that it was a bacterial infection...

"I'm just happy that everything worked out..." here, the medic-nin positively beamed. "I'm so glad that Tsumane-san and her family are alright."

Naruto looked thoughtful. "Flesh Eating Disease, huh? I wonder what it looks like..."

These words snapped Shizune out of her reminiscence. Hearing a question, she quickly moved into lecture mode. "Actually the scientific name is Necrotizing Fasciitis or Fasciitis Necroticans. It doesn't really 'eat' the flesh. The bacteria produces toxins that deprive the body's cells of oxygen."

"Ah" Naruto exclaimed. "So it's not flesh-eating but more like... suffocating? Of the cells?"

His sister nodded encouragingly. "That's a good way of putting it, Naruto-kun. You've got a good grasp of it."

"Ehehe" Naruto smiled under the praise.

"But for what it looks like..." Shizune continued with her lecture, face dropping back into a frown as she remembered images. "The flesh becomes inflamed, possibly purple, and then simply seems to... die."

Naruto's face mirrored his sister's sombreness. What must it be like to deal with such an image... No, that's a lot of what a medic-nin was about. Both a town-medic and a field-medic dealt with disturbing realities on regular a basis. That brand of grossness should become very familiar to someone in this profession.

"It's disturbing... And antibiotics only go so far. The rate of spread and of destruction can be too high: in the end, you'll have to use surgery to remove affected parts and that's... not pretty either. Even after it's healed."

"No it's not," a voice interrupted.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune exclaimed, not having seen her mentor fall into step on Naruto's other side. "Since when were you listening in?"

"Since about when you started spacing out"

"Did you come back to your senses?" Naruto flatly asked.

Tsunade responded in a warning tone. "Watch it brat or your behavior will negatively affect whether I give my blessings to you and that girl or not"

"Now you're just trying to piss me off!" the boy violently objected.

Tsunade didn't say anything. She just gave him _a look_, as if to say 'regardless of how you deny it, I know the truth of the matter and the sooner you give up and admit the situation to me, then the sooner we can move forwards'. She then snapped her line of sight away from her incredulous son and towards the distant horizon with a cool, self-assured air.

Naruto could already imagine his first letter to Sunagakure.

_Dear __Temari,_

_Urgent Business.__Kaa-chan's__ lost it. If you see her or there is mail or a message from her, run as far away as possible. Trust me__, her son, on this issue._

_I'm serious._

_Naruto_

"Anyways, the village handled that horribly" Tsunade scowled. "That bacteria isn't even airborne infective" she sighed. "What was that banishment all about? Quarantine? Nonsense."

"Well," Shizune shrugged weakly, "maybe they were just being cautious... the disease is very rare, but it's frightening..."

"Cautious? No" the mentor shook her head. "Just normal sanitation would have handled the issue of infection. Gloves... masks... standard sanitary procedures! Procedures which are proven to work and which, even if they _weren't_ standard in this village could have been afforded with ease. Maybe the public didn't know that, and maybe the Shoujou's were the same. But the medic-nins there sure as hell _did_ and _they_ didn't say a _damn_ thing." The woman crossed her arms and sighed dismissively. "It was a power-play. Somebody shut those medics up. All of them."

"Do you think..." Shizune muttered, "that Mauro-san knew that as well?"

Tsunade briefly thought about Tsumane's husband. "Guy comes from the Shoujou family. If it's in the political or economic arena: you shouldn't mess around with them. They're brought up tough'" she recalled. "As soon as you said 'actually, it's only infectious by transfer of fluids' he was ready to kill something."

Shizune recalled it too. And rather than any sort of normal reaction, she actually clasped her hands before her and became starry-eyed. "Ah, it was so romantic" She wiped an emotional tear from her eye. "At first Tsumane-san was feeling depressed because her face was left deformed. And of course she's very humble in a way, coming from humble origins and such... But when her husband reached across their sickbeds, took her hand and said:" Shizune began, imitating a sort of heavy baritone. "'Stop that kind of talk Tsumane-chan. To me you are dearly necessary. Because if you aren't there... then who will hold me back from killing those bastards horribly' it was so cool. And when she said, even though her fever was still high:" Shizune tried and failed overall to copy the breathy muttering of Tsumane-san, as she was simply too exited. "'I'm sorry Anata, but I can't... do such a thing. For harming our children... I also... want to kill them horribly...' that was also very touching!" the romantic exclaimed. "And then he said 'that's the kind of response I expect from my beautiful wife' wow! It was great!"

Tsunade nodded in agreement.

Naruto scratched his chin in thought. _Huh, so that's a __girl's__ idea of romance?__ Unexpectedly, it's pretty violent. _

As Shizune continued to bubble about the grand romance she witnessed, Naruto turned to his mother. "So Kaa-chan, Nee-chan says she passed because she blackmailed you?"

Tsunade 'Hmph'ed "She told you about that, did she?" she grumbled. "In order to save her patients she did what she honestly thought was best. It's true she broke the rules of that test, and she even blackmailed me into helping her but her objective wasn't something I could disagree with. Besides, if that's the kind of determination she has, then she shouldn't break down if she has to work on her own."

"Oh"

"It wasn't that alone though" Tsunade smiled. "The bacteria had mutated to adjust to her antibiotic. She needed me to quickly find a new one because my experience lets me handle that easier and... she was actually preoccupied with different thoughts"

"Eh?"

"As I walked into that room and saw what she'd done..." Tsunade mused "For just a second, even I thought it was a miracle." She chuckled. "I must be getting old"

"What did she do?" Naruto asked, amazed.

Tsunade got another far-off look. She radiated pride. "What fantastic sealwork... I want to know how long she's been working on it. What she did was create an artificial atmosphere of increased oxygen pressure"

Naruto snapped his fingers. "Oh! So the body starts to contain more oxygen! That's great!"

"Yes" Tsunade nodded. "A lot of the medics now-a-days seem to think that the most potent procedures lie in interfering with the body. Antibiotics to fight the problem for the body. Surgery to remove the afflicted parts, and so on. Don't mistake this Naru-chan: those methods surely have their place" Tsunade impressed. "But frankly, we just can't match the power of the body's immune system. Increasing the oxygen content of her patient's blood, Shizune not only drastically reduced the death rate of her patient's cells by allowing them to effectively 'breathe'... even the white blood cells were able to function properly and help strike back."

"Huh" Naruto sounded, impressed. "Cool"

Tsunade grinned. "That's right. Any condition that deprives the cells of oxygen can be helped by this, and we haven't explored all the uses for increasing the oxygen consumption either. It's a great contribution to medical treatment. As her mentor, I have no complaints about her capabilities. Of course, I have no complaints about her attitude after the dedication she showed either. So," she shrugged, "it's a natural pass."

"Wow," Naruto smiled and turned to yell to his sister. "That's great Nee-chan!"

While this abundant praise was being dished out, Shizune was still babbling in the background. "...And she wanted more than anything for her hands to be spared, so that she could continue to act independently, feed and raise her children properly! Ooooh!"

"Ah," the boy sweatdropped, "she's not listening..." It was then that a hand fell heavily on his shoulder, in an iron-like grip

"Speaking of romance" Tsunade leered. "Let's hear about this Temari situation?"

"I thought you dropped that nonsense already!" Naruto demanded

Tsunade, on her part, only quirked her eyebrow. "I've picked it back up! Now spill!"

"Like hell!"

"Hey brat..." quickly adjust her hold on him, Tsunade soon had the boy in a necklock. "Do you _want_ a noogie? Spill, I say!"

"There's nothing to spill! Just leave it alone already, you nutball!"

"Nutball? Now listen here!"

And so another argument broke out.

Normally, Shizune would have said something to try mediating. However... "And then he was all cool and said 'Tsumane, let's send them into despair together'! Kyaaaa! That's so sweet!" ... at the moment, she was still stuck within her own world.

"Admit it!" Tsunade noogied

"No!" Naruto ground out, even though he was on the receiving end of a grade-two noogie. By the way, Naruto defined a grade-two noogie as 'any noogie that can't be copied by a normal human being'.

"Admit it!"

"No!"

"Admit it!"

"No!"

"Aha!" Tsunade paused. "Doesn't your screaming 'No' mean that you have something and are refusing to admit it!"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Your heart gives you away!" Tsunade declared righteously. "Admit it!" she noogied.

"Damnit Kaa-chan!" Naruto ground out. _Crap! It's leveled __up to grade-__three __noogie__ and this doesn't look like it's going to end! I have to escape! I have to... I have to...!_

_Ah__a..._

_Eureka...__ But... should I...? That is too... No! At this point I don't have a choice! Suck it up __Naruto! __Strike back!_

"Fu... Fufufufu"

Tsunade froze, hearing an unexpected, if strained from the neckhold, evil laugh from her son

"The nonsense ends here Kaa-chan..." Naruto stated ominously. "Although I don't really want to do it, you've pushed my limit... Prepare yourself..."

Tsunade, on her part, afforded the brat a suspicious look. "Prepare for what exactly?"

"For what?" Naruto echoed amusedly, wriggling in his mother's grip so that his face turned up to meet her gaze. "Well," he smiled pleasantly, "of course it's **blackmail**"

Tsunade released the boy - who she could practically imagine was in a dark aura of evil - as if burned.

_Shizune_! Her mind screamed in horror.

"Fufufufu" Naruto chuckled darkly. "Now that I think about it, don't I have a ton of blackmail material on you myself? Fufufufufu"

_Shizune__, what have you done!_

The horrified wails of terror echoing within Tsunade's mind were, of course, unheard by the apprentice in question, who was also still within her own world. "They looked so wonderful together!" she squealed.

_And so without realizing it... __Shizune__ herself__, for the very first time, contributed towards leading her little brother down __the path of __dishonour__ When she later realized this, her own horrified scream of despair and denial would be heard across the vast desert._

* * *

_Omake_

_Gaara__ didn't manage to gain much closeness with his elder siblings. The boy was simply too inexperienced__ with dealing with people and his siblings were simply too terrified. __However, __Temari__ and __Kankurou__ did__ enjoy some sibling activities and perhaps that __could be the start of a change in perspective._

x-Sunagakure-x

Temari, displaying the level of closeness she shared with her best friend – that her vocabulary could already be showing signs of contamination – shouted "Oh (&(&!" and dived behind the afore-mentioned companion.

"S-Sorry"

Houou Naruto observed the red-head impassively. "S'okay" he dismissed easily.

Quiet as a mouse, and feeling roughly as powerful... Temari whispered "Is it really okay? This is your level of okay?" from behind her protector

The cause of all this commotion had to do with waking up. After his five-day slumber, Gaara had awoken most violently, instinctually lashing out at the two blondes. Just where even gather the sand from was a mystery. "Gaara... good morning. You were out for quite a time. Your body will probably feel really sluggish and weak for a while after such a long time unconscious, but don't worry about it too much... Anyways, I'm hungry as hell, and I've been putting this off" he muttered in displeasure. "You want to get going now?"

"...W-What?"

Naruto shrugged, grinning. "Well, me and you have an outstanding promise after all. I'm talking about Taiyaki, you know. Taiyaki!"

"Dear God –he's smiling! Run for it!" Temari felt like crying.

x-later: sunagakure rooftops-x

"Alright, I'm up!" Kankuro announced, huffing as he made it up Temari's grappling hook. "We really need to learn wall-walking"

"Shhh!" Temari insisted in a strained whisper. "Get over here. And stay down!"

"So what are we doing again?"

"We're spying on Naruto-kun"

"Ah," Kankuro nodded understandably. "Afraid that he's cheating on you?"

"Wh-Wha! – He's not like that!" She growled ominously. "I mean – we're not like that!"

"Uh-huh" Kankuro drawled

"Shut up! Why s it that people keep jumping to conclusions about this kind of thing?" the irate girl demanded. "Is our society so hopelessly starved for anything vaguely romantic that such wild assumptions have taken importance over logic? How many times do I have to explain that we're-just-_friends_!"

"Close friends" Kankuro amended offhandedly

Temari nodded automatically, "Close fr – wait. Now don't start trying to twist things around to suit yourself"

"You're one to talk! This is a taste of your own medicine! Making my actors makeup seem like something else... Always teasing me about my love for kabuki actors!"

"Deep love" Temari amended offhandedly

"Deep lo –" Kankuro froze, before glaring and muttering a certain expletive at his sister.

Temari hotly snapped her head to glare down her brother. "Where did you learn to swear like that!"

"From you!" He rebutted quickly. "Where did _you_ learn to swear like that?"

"That's a secret"

"Is... is that so..."

"Enough! They're coming out!"

"Yeah by the way," Kankurou frowned "why did you drag me over here anyways? I though you said it was 'family business'? So is this one of your newly created 'bonding' moments? _Spying on your __boyfriend?_"

Temari had – after a particularly frightening day where Gaara's killing intent had been felt across the villiage – come home to gravely inform him that their 'shell of a family' was pathetic, and that they should change that. Kankuro had, having a vague feeling that he too would like some kind of... _anything_ with his family, agreed.

He was already regretting it.

Then again, they _had_ known eachother for years. They had _co-existed_. It was only fear and mistrust that had separated them. Mistrust of each other and fear of basically everything else: Gaara being the mutual highest terror, with their father following soon behind. It was really only that extra step that was missing. That mutual agreement not to sell each other out for personal safety or gain.

An agreement backed by what? Not a damn thing. Well, truthfully it was supposed to be backed by their 'sibling bond' but that wasn't tangible. It couldn't be used as collateral in case Temari did betray him. It wouldn't appease their father's expectations. Sure as hell wouldn't sate Gaara's bloodlust.

But what the hell – He figured it was worth a try. Probably. Well, at least Temari seemed pretty serious about the 'sibling bond' thing.

"Oh just shut up. Look, they're coming out!"

Indeed, exiting from the small Taiyaki stand, the sibling pair could observe Naruto unzipping a corner of the waist-low curtains (such constructions were necessarily different in Sunagakure due to the eternal wind there) and stepping out. Gaara followed him out and Temari couldn't be sure at this distance, but she thought she saw the stand-owner pass out from relief.

However, the stand-owner's relief was Kankurou's consternation "It's Gaara! Run for it!"

x-Sunagakure: streets-x

"Huh. I guess I shouldn't be surprised," Naruto sighed, "that the Taiyaki was incredibly dry…"

"S-Sorry Naruto-senpai".

"Huh? For what?" Naruto rounded on the smaller boy, perplexed. "The dry food?"

"Um…" Gaara hesitated. He was pretty new to the whole human-interaction thing. Especially with a peer he didn't ever want to shun him. _Especially _with a peer that didn't explode in a shower of blood and guts once Shukaku became exited. Or bored. Or... anything, really. "I – I don't know…"

"Hey" Naruto rested a hand on the boy's shoulder. "You know you don't have to call me senpai. Well, not yet"

Gaara fought the flinch. He wasn't really used to human contact. Well not, like, living humans who were all in one piece… but that was beside the point

x-sunagakure: rooftops-x

"Make yourself as unthreatening as possible: assume the fetal position!" Kankurou, trying not to holler, urged. "Assume the fetal position!"

Temari resisted the urge to slap some sense into her brother. "Would you cut that out?"

"No _you_ cut it out! If I die, do you know whose fault it'll be?" He demanded having, of course, assumed the fetal position. "You'd better be prepared to be the distraction! Take responsibility!"

"O-Oy... even I'm still afraid of Gaara. But he's not even coming up here you know? And I'm telling you Naruto-kun is there so..." she frowned.

"He was quiet for _days_! Not a single problem!" He insisted from his fetal position. "Don't you think that's a _little _weird? He's fallen behind his 'kill quota'! I don't want to _know_ what he'll do to the next person he sees. Now get _down_!"

"Eh?" Temari stood. "They're leaving. Kankurou, come on"

"Damnit, I said get down!" Kankuro hollered, tackling his sister to the rooftop. "He'll see you!"

"...What are you doing, you idiot?"

"Just shut up! Why do I have to help you? This sibling-bond thing," he growled low, "IS JUST WAY TOO TROUBLESOME!"

Temari sighed and continued giving Kankurou that flat look. "That's really touching and stuff, but I'm telling you its safe..."

* * *

_End_

Hey, its been a while.

The reason for the delay is largely adjustment to heading out for university life, as well as good old-fashioned writers-block. So this was mostly written during winter break, you see.

My typo-checker hasn't gotten a hold of this yet, but it's planned on.

Yes, Necrophilic Fasciitis is the scientific name for Flesh Eating Disease. It's caused by a few bacteria, but mostly by the Streptococus A, a mutation of the Streptococus bacteria which causes a number of diseases (such as strep throat).

What Shizune did was essentially create a Hyperbaric Chamber. It really is used in the treating of Flesh Eating Disease, for the reasons stated in the story already. It's that thing popularly used to to help deep-sea divers readjust their bodies to normal air pressure when they resurface. It's used to treat a number of problems though. But its potential in some cases, such as autism in order to increase oxygen consumption in the hopes of awakening dormant parts of the brain, is debatable.

The Senpai-Kohai relationship is being a bit misused by Naruto and Gaara. Or rather, they've twisted it to suit their needs. It exists within an organization. We commonly connect it to school-life, where for instance the senior would be the Senpai and the freshman the Kohai. However, this relationship can also exist in other organizations. For instance, in the business setting, this can happen too. People can take to it in varying degrees. It's not necessary to to feel too strongly about the relationship even if you use 'senpai' with somebody. Understand: it's not exactly a title. Like a lot of these kinds of things, it seems the context and history are important to determining what the relationship is really treated as.

In some cases, the relationship would still be remembered even years after that setting no longer applies (for instance, after both students graduated to the work force).

If you force Shukaku to decide on what organization Naruto could be the Senpai of, it would probably say "subvservience to Kyuubi-sama". If you forced me, I would probably say "... the school for 'life as a somewhat normal-ish person', perhaps?"

Hmm... if this were a manga or something then this chapter would mark the end of a volume (probably volume 3) and the beginning of the next volume.

Hmm... favorite line would probably be: "For what?" Naruto echoed amusedly, wriggling in his mother's grip so that his face turned up to meet her gaze. "Well," he smiled pleasantly, "of course it's **blackmail**"

Oh. But maybe this one: "That kimono: so orange, so green, so many frogs. It must be love. I'll take a lot of pictures next time"

Please Review


	13. Chapter 13

ALERT: Actually, this chapter did not originally contain an omake. One has been edited in. If you are visiting this page and have not read it as yet, there it is at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but my ideas are mine

* * *

Chapter 13

New Everyday Life.

_Large and Majestic, the so called 'God of Demons' stared down at the ant before it. **"Hello once more jailor-san. Would it be that time so quickly?"** the demon asked amusedly_

_"Yeah. The more dangerous something is, the earlier you gotta' act."_

**_"...Indeed?"_**

_"So, let's hear it. What are your demands?"_

**_"I won't bother demanding freedom."_**

_"Good that you know. So what do you want?"_

**_"To talk"_**

_"I'm listening"_

**_"You misunderstand me"_**

_"Then explain yourself, damnit!"_

**_"You certainly are demanding. Does this cage I'm in embolden you? How... foolish"_**

_"The heck are–". Slowly… looking left and right, he became conscious... that the walls of darkness echoed with the oppressive threat of death - as if here, in this place, such a thing could be tasted. "What… what did you–"_

**_"Why…" _**_the demon smirked easily, in that same imperious stance, only exactly where Naruto himself had previously stood, **"simply put, I called in a 'favour'"** Holding that amused smile, and otherwise unmoving, Kyuubi's mighty tail nevertheless whipped forwards, twisting and seeming to impossibly sharpen with a deadly grace._

_Small, choked sounds were the only shocked response the boy managed within that microscopic flick of time. "A-A…" unable to move, Naruto watched, as if in slow motion as the spear approached him._

When he awoke, he sadly did not do so nobly as to manage the classic "Aaah!" as he bolted up in bed.

The terror gripped him still. Paralyzed, it was only the pressing biological demand to actually breathe that shook him from his state.

"Damn" Naruto panted. "That nightmare again."

Naruto collected himself. It was a beautiful, cloudless day. Songs, birds, ect. Also, there was a frog on his windowsill. It was orange so that meant good luck. Or a poison frog.

He set about his daily hygiene. Through the mirror he saw the visage of his now thirteen year old self, bags under the eyes the only indicator of a serious of restless nights and the simple strain of traveling. "I don't know what's worse" he mumbled, washing his face. "That I keep having the stupid dream, that it actually happened, or that what came after was so much weirder."

_The tail - or the spear rather - stopped a mere twitch from piercing his skin and Naruto, eyes wide in fear, could still not move his body. _

**_"Now… little man-kit… just what are you doing?"_**

_"..." Like a puppet with his strings cut, the 'jailor' of Kyuubi no Kitsune hit the floor, gasping for breath._

**_"It seems you have hallucinated just now. Most interesting. My intent was simply to display my power, however it seems that such a thing is not interpreted well by your mind. "_**

_Body shaking and weak: Naruto, blinking, struggled to sit up and check his surroundings. A door behind him, walls that didn't supernaturally emanate the promise of death, and a comforting slip of paper on the bars before him reading the word 'Seal'. Unreal. That level was just too much._

**_"I wonder what it is that imagination of yours created, jailor-san. Would you like to share?"_**

_"Not… really."_

**_"…"_**

_"A display of power. A threat. Intimidation... Whatever the hell you did that for, you bastard, I won't let you out! Even if you did terrify me, I would never help you escape!"_

**_"I see, so that's your reaction? Curious. But though you say that, you're still shaking"_**

_"What's your point!" _

**_"...A change of pace then. You assume that I wish to escape, but that's wrong. I want to open negotiations with you of a different sort. I am displaying my bargaining chips, as is natural in these things. I did not think that showing you the depths of my strength would offend you so."_**

_"I'm leaving" He wouldn't sit through these games. He wasn't some toy to be played with.  
_

**_"Foolish child, you're making a mistake"_**

_"And why, exactly, is that? Or are you going to leave me guessing all day?"_

_A low. Deep. Threatening reverberation shook the walls – but not Naruto. "Done yet?"_

**_"You insolent, puny–! You owe me and when you owe -me-, I -OWN- YOU!"_**

_Naruto stared at the fox, his tails which had been thrashing about in rage quietened gradually reminiscent of the natural death of a storm._

_Those tails... -had- caused storms, if story were believed._

**_"I will consider your account settled if you can answer me one question. It should be suitable for one who treats me with such contempt."_**

_This was sounding more and more like a tale from any demonic folktale of choice. It was never as simple as it sounded. "...What's the question?"_

**_"What killed all the humans?"_**

Naruto sighed. He didn't like owing a demon _anything_. The tales he'd heard had confirmed that was... a pretty bad thing. Never mind he'd been ripped off. Never mind he'd been given some kind of pseudo-bullcrap puzzle to solve just to figure out what the damn thing _wanted_. Oh no.

In the past four years he hadn't been able to answer it.

"Morning otoutou! Are you decent?" his sister, beaming, asked as she entered apron-clad and breakfast armed. She was the picture of gentleness as she ever was.

"Don't ask that _after_ you barge in. I need a lock – I'm a teenager now... a thirteen-year-old."

"Hmm, I know. Sorry Naruto-kun, it's just a security thing..." Shizune ushered him to the breakfast table. "I can't believe we're even back here. And no one's even apologised to you – how rude. I'm terribly disappointed."

Naruto considered his pouting sister. She was a kind, homely person.

So why, every morning since they'd returned to Konoha, was she the one to cripple three to four alleged assassins?

"Hey guys," he addressed the beaten, chained, bound in ninja wire, wrapped in a strange cloth covered in seals, and possibly drugged-out captives lumped by the door, "rough night?"

"N-No more... "

"N-Not the frying pan... please not the frying pan again..."

"What _is_ she?"

"With a skillet? _Why_ with a **_skillet?_** I will **_never_** **_eat again_**_._"

Shizune spared the captives a disapproving look as she served breakfast out. "I know I shouldn't complain..." she began, "but they _really_ don't make assassins like they _used to._"

"Um, nee-chan, that..." Naruto vaguely gestured with his hand

"Oh, this? No, no, don't worry. I threw away _that_ skillet. Simply _unsanitary_."

"Er... o-okay then. Kaa-chan's sleeping in?"

"Yes. She should be up in time for your graduation though – don't worry. Now here's your lunch. Don't forget to take the trash out and drop the other trash off by Ibiki-san okay?"

Naruto set his package down in front of a wide, unadorned building.

Incidentally, the doorbell was intentionally reminiscent to a funeral toll

"Here you are. Other side of town from the scary skillet lady – like I promised."

"Oh thank you, thankyou, thankyou."

"You're _much _nicer than your sister."

"Well, I mean... you're just doing your job." Naruto shrugged. "And it'd be a freaking miracle if I wasn't desensitized to the whole 'they're out to kill me' thing by now. Seriously, how many of you guys are out there?"

"They told us it was a growth industry."

"Ah." Naruto wondered if that was supposed to make sense to him.

A looming shadow seemed to eclipse the sun, hope, and all future prospects with its presence. The voice was like rough granite. "Good morning, Houou-san. _Again_?"

"Yeah."

"You know, if your sister doesn't want to come work for me, I really need to talk to her regardless – compare notes. How she loosens the tongues of trained assassins to the point of inane chitchat boggles my entire working staff."

"I dunno'." Naruto shrugged. "I'm just a kid. Possibly something to do with cooking utensils... or an odd mixture of chemicals that form a truth serum so powerful that it's only legal because no one knows it exists yet."

Ibiki narrowed his eyes in thought – it did terrifying things to his scarred complexion. "_Cooking _ utensils you say? _Fascinating_. Why didn't _I _think of that?"

The assassins freaked.

"_That's _the part that caught your attention?"

"We'll talk, _we'll talk_!"

"Now, don't do that _yet._ You'll spoil everything. I just found out that I have three interns who've never actually dissected a human spleen before."

"We'll talk, goddamnit!"

"...Sorry, did you trash say something? I think I must have _wax_ in my ears. Regardless, we'll make you talk, tough guys – with the operation if we're lucky."

"Don't act like you didn't hear, you sadistic bastard!"

_"What did you just call me?"_

**"So _now_ you heard us?"**

"You're late Naruto"

The student in question scratched his cheek in embarrassment. "Sorry professor. There were these bound, drugged-out assassins that caught my pants leg with their teeth and wouldn't let go."

"You really expect me to believe _that_?"

"They wanted me to save them from Ibiki." Naruto frowned. ."Damnit, I knew I should have asked for a note..."

"I-Ibiki? Hmm... I suppose I can believe you. Take your seat – you haven't missed much at least. And after today you'll be someone else's problem – thank _god_." The teacher composed himself with a deep breath. "As I was saying, I'll be filling in for Iruka-sensei again today. He is still... well..."

There was a multitude of shuffling as the class, as one, turned to stare at their newcomer.

"What? Now why the hell does everyone I meet _always _think that it's _my_ fault?"

"Wow, I dunno'," Kiba began sarcastically, "because you _hospitalized _him?"

Naruto scowled. "Look, he told me to punch the log – I punched the log. What more do you want from me, really?"

Kiba pounded his table with a fist in anger and made sure to accentuate each absurdity with a recurring thump. "It was _ripped out of the ground... _and _squashed_ sensei... into the _kindergarten roundabout_... on the _other side of the street_!"

Naruto 'tche'd. "Holy crap man, you make it sound like I _told_ him to stand behind the stupid log."

The class, in unison, shouted at back. "**That's not the problem**!"

It was lunch break.

Naruto habitually took it with Hinata and/or the Ino-Shika-Cho group. He'd tried to connect with Sakura again – and they _were _friends but she was usually, well...

_Indisposed._

"Sasuke-kuuuuuu – oomph! Another bunshin? That's like, twenty all together! He's so cool! Sasuke-kuuuu – ow! Wow what a kwamwari!"

The lunch group sighed. Ino hailed her 'boss' as he sat down. "Morning Naruto."

"Got anything?" Naruto, as part of his medicine training, had been taking mild cases for a while now – small sums compared to his family but enormous for a child evidently. Upon arriving in Konoha, Ino had quickly learned of this and proven herself to be an effective public relations manager (hence: zero fan girls, thank god). She'd even dragged her friends into the mix and now all three were on his payroll.

Being the 'boss' of their little collaborative, Ino swiftly thumped her subordinate over the head with a bento to get him moving – he was obviously too lazy to do so without cause.

Actually, he really was.

"Geez, Ino..." Shikamaru sighed. "And no, not much. 'What killed all the humans' is obviously not meant literally or we wouldn't be here to ask it. If we accept 'killed all' as an exaggeration – hyperbole – then it's 'What _practically_ killed all the humans' at best." The lazy genius shrugged. "But such a thing was never recorded in history. That leaves the pre-history era."

Right. The historical 'black box'. Out of which eventually came excavated and reproduced gadgets like kaa-chan's cameras and the all important communication devices so popular amongst shinobi nations.

Technology said to be hundreds of years ahead of anything we would have been able create on our own – coming from the past.

'Frontier Technology' was just another name for stolen designs and painting by numbers on a massive technological scale.

"I thought you'd say that." Naruto sighed. Then he swore bitterly. The Ino-Shika-Cho combo, still getting used to his mannerisms, paled – and wondered what that even _meant_.

Hinata just offered to pour some juice.

"Thanks Hinata-chan"

She smiled.

"How the monkey#$*^f(*& am I supposed to figure anything out about a time already called 'blank history'. What a stupid (*&&* request."

"It would help if we knew any actual context to the question" Shikamaru offered.

"Not going to happen. Just keep working on it, ok?"

Ino gathered her courage. "Um, listen Naruto, I've... we've been wondering. What does monkey... er, _that_... even mean anyway?"

"Huh? Well it doesn't actually have to _mean _anything but –"

"OMIGOD, it's you! I _found_ you! Houou-sama!"

Naruto experienced a full-body flinch. "Ino!" he desperately yelled.

"_On it!_" By the time her discarded bento box stopped clattering, Ino had interposed herself – arms spread – between her benefactor and a charging, elated, brunette. "**_Off limits_** sister! Back _way _off!"

The protest began – somewhat standardly. "_What?_ And who do you think _you _are?"

"I don't know what you've heard but I'm doing this for you too, you know. He's _dead poor_. They're so far in the red it's like valentines day. You're just setting yourself up for –"

"I'm not here about that! I just want to –"

Annoyed at having her speech interrupted, Ino interrupted the brunette. "Don't know, don't care – and are you wearing _pink_ with _brown_? What were you _thinking_? Are you even _really trying here?_ Why don't you save yourself the embarrassment and come back tomorrow pumpkin'."

The girl in question growled and crossed her arms furiously. "Oh go choke on it. I'm a kunoichi – I don't have time for appearances."

That gave pause. "You... You don't?"

"No**.** I don't**.**"

Ino, defender of wealthy yet dirt poor and vaguely sort of cute blondes gave this newcomer a critical once-over, in a new light.

Then she shrugged, apologised, and sat down. "Sorry. Thought you were after his wallet – or his heart. Golddigger/Fangirl precautions and all that. You came on kind of strong with that 'omigod, it's you!' of yours."

"Ino, what're you doing? The hell do I pay you for, goddamnit!" Naruto, just done cramming his lunch and peripherals back into his bag and ready to book it like a squirrel, was understandably perturbed.

"She's safe." Ino swiped Chouji's lunch – as she'd discarded hers earlier in the rush. "I'm sure of it."

Chouji didn't appreciate the loss of lunch. "Hey! Ino!"

"Oh, as if you don't have like 6 identical ones in your bag."

"Those are _auxiliary meal supplies_ Ino"

"Well, what do you pack them for if you're not going to eat them?"

"That's not the point. It's the _principle _of the thing."

"Oh I swear to god, Chouji, one of these days..."

Hinata was eying the brunette critically out of her peripheral vision.

Naruto was willing to go with his PR manager's assessment but didn't unpack his stuff just yet – just in case.

Shikamaru had fallen asleep.

"Er," perturbed at the change of pace, the brunette sat down tentatively. "Sorry I sounded like a... like a whatever. I was just really exited. I've been looking for you _forever_. This... fan-person thing isn't really that big of a problem is it?"

"_Ino!_"

The brunette almost had a heart attack. "Holyshit where did you come from."

"Ino," Sasuke took a moment to catch his breath – unusually flush from the chase. "I don't know what he's paying you but I'll double it."

Ino gave it some thought – she really did. "Hmmm, you know I'd really like to help... but my friend's _really_ into you. It would totally be a conflict of interest."

"Triple!"

"Sorry... It's a best-friend - and girl - kind of thing. I just have to side with her, you know?"

Naruto, at this point, could no longer contain his mirth and erupted into laughter. Only to have the cuffs of his jacket seized in fury.

"**Fuck. You. Naruto.**"

"Pft. Ahahahaha! You, you –"

"Don't you say a damn thing. It's not funny, you –"

"There he is! Sasuke-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu –"

The hunted boy 'tch'ed and rifled around his pocket before slamming what he'd found into the ground.

The fangirl horde, unprepared for this, screeched to a halt while the smoke cleared.

Naruto, at ground zero, was left coughing. "*cough* Wow. He *cough* He really isn't that short on cash, huh? Using a smoke bomb just like that."

"Well," Ino coughed as well, "he's the last Uchiha. You know how it is. Um, he probably went that way girls!" Ino pointed in a random direction, hoping that they would simply leave.

They did, and Sakura emerged from the kafuffle as the apparent leader with her battle cry "Sasuke-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun"

"Wow" the yet identified brunette didn't know what else to say.

"It's graduation day" Shikamaru, woken by the commotion, explained. "And statistically, they understand that it's not likely they'll get on the same team – most didn't even pass. For most of them this is their last real attempt."

"Going all out..." Chouji muttered, sadly, "I kind of feel sorry for them and Sasuke too."

Naruto couldn't stop laughing.

The brunette tried desperately to get back on track. "Um, I'm Tenten! We met a long time ago, remember? I knew you looked familiar but I didn't notice you without your contacts."

"...Contacts?" Naruto frowned. "What contacts?"

Hinata tensed.

"You know, you used to wear red contacts." Tenten smiled. "It's kind of a shame you stopped. They were very distinct."

"Red conta – oh." It dawned on him. "_Those_ contacts. Yeah. Yeah I, uh, I was just trying them out. You know how contacts are, they never really fit anyone. The techies always say something about limited moulds or uh... Anyways so you're..."

"You saved my mother! We're really, really in your debt. Thank you very much." Tenten sat in sieza and bowed her head to the ground. "If there is any way we can repay you at all..."

"Ah, that's fine... How is she? She was my first real patient but I never got to do a follow-up."

"Oh! She's in perfect health Houou-sama"

"No odd pains in the back or anywhere? Numbness in the extremities? Anything?"

"Perfect health." The girl chirped. "Um, I'd heard that some very bad things happened after that. I can't understand why or how my village could act like that but I feel kind of responsible." The girl bowed again. "Really sorry"

Naruto frowned. "... Get up, it's not like it's your fault. She needed treatment – was entitled to it. Don't look down on the medical profession, damnit."

"Er, alright?" Tenten didn't know what to make of that at all. "It's great you came back but... are you sure? I mean, after the things I'd heard, I figured..."

"Oh that. No. I... actually didn't take it as hard as, like, Kaa an Nee-chan did." Naruto waved it off. "Ero..." people didn't agree with his way of talking about his uncle in Konoha. Further, they had no idea who he was talking about. "Um, Jiraiya-oyaji went around pulling strings, getting the story, and clearing up all the misunderstandings and bad blood. We got a formal written apology from the council on the village's behalf, and a bunch of cash in damages that were instantly swallowed by kaa-chan's stupid massive debt but it's the thought that counts. It's not like there's anywhere else I could come to sign up as a ninja for – we're too famous and our family ties run too close to this village." Here, he shrugged. "Anyways that night was bad but if I held a grudge forever against every single place that tried to kill me, I wouldn't have anywhere I could even try to live."

"Er... really?" Tenten sweat dropped. "Sounds... Sounds tough. But don't you feel kind of angry? If it was me I'd still be bitter and... you know, revenge would maybe be..."

"Well sure I was still ticked when I learned we had to come back here, and when I first got here I wanted to prank the crap out of this place"

Gasp. "_You're _the one that defaced all those store signs!"

"Oh you saw those?"

"Some of those were actually kind of funny!" Tenten laughed. The smile quickly dropped as she thought of something else though. "Some of them were really disgusting though. And some, my parents wouldn't let me see and I don't know why."

"Well I couldn't help it!" Naruto defended himself. "There were a lot of signs and I was running out of ideas."

-flashback-

"Golden Moose Supermarket. Hmmm... Okay, let's make it Golden Moose Super-farter? No, did I use that one? This may be harder than I originally thought. The quality just isn't what I started out with."

"Yo big boss! Shadow clone from group Kickass reporting."

"Very well. What do you have to report, group Kickass?"

"Well the good news is we're done with the East side. Moving North now."

"Oh, cool."

"Ran into some problems though. We're kind of running out of ideas."

"Damn, us too. Alright bust out Kaa-chan's swear-word thesaurus"

"_That_ thing? Don't you think it's kind of... I mean..."

"Screw it. We did our best. It's for the mission."

"Well okay, I guess. See you."

Naruto looked around, finished with his editing of the supermarket sign. "Hmm. Wait... for real?"

"THE FUNCKY YOU" HAIRSTYLING CLINIC

"Funcky You..." Naruto whispered in awe. "Well, _they're_ just asking for it."

Were they trying to be 'funky' by misspelling the name on purpose? Either way...

-end flashback -

"I stopped pretty soon though. I mean, I was still upset with the people here, but any more would kind of be overkill."

"Overkill?" Tenten blinked.

Naruto seriously debated whether he should explain himself. "Konoha General is a mix of a general hospital, dentist clinic, optometrist, and basically everything else 'health'. Kaa-chan's been put in charge of the hospital recently and, well..."

"I see. Your filling fell out?" The kindly dentist asked as he flipped through a new-looking book.

"Yeah. Those cursed Sour Patch Kid candies. You just can't stop at the one."

"Ah!" The doctor exclaimed. "You're in the book."

"Book?"

"Sorry. Please wait a moment."

The patient was just getting impatient when...

"Why hello Mr. Tanaka!" A new figure regally strode into the room. "Filling fell out right?"

"T-Tsunade-sama?"

"Guess what, Mr. Tanaka, this may seem off topic but my apprentice Shizune is _very_ multitalented." Tsunade smiled – **ominously**. "She has a _very_ good photographic memory, recall, and drawing arm. And she was _there_ that night we were chased out of town, wasn't she? Huh... Now, this wouldn't be _you_ by any chance, would it?"

Tanaka stared at himself in the new-looking book which he now could make out as having the page-heading entitled: "F(*&^kers who Should Just ^%&* Die."

"I-I I was mistaken! I-I thought! Kyuubi! Kyuubi, you know? What, what should I have thought? I panicked and everyone was _doing_ it and–"

"Oh _no_." Tsunade 'soothed'. "I _forgive you_." The glint in her eyes did not look particularly merciful. "After all we got a written apology and _everything_. Even though people cross the street when Naru-chan walks by, we're not allowed into any restaurants for fear of damaging business, people spit at us behind our backs, and you gave my son a _terrible _childhood _memory_, my whole family _forgives_ you. We're very _forgiving _like that."

"P-P-P-Please! Have mercy! I-I have two, I mean six children! And a dog! And I plant a tree every Earth-day!"

"But I _do_! I _totally_ _forgive _you, weren't you _listening_?"

"You were sharpening a knife while you said that!"

"No I _wasn't_."

"Look, you're doing it again!"

"No, no, that's for the next appointment. Why would I use a knife on _you_? You need a new _filling_ right?_" _Tsunade reached for her tools. "_You_ need a drill. Now would you like the really **_rusty_** drill?... Or the really_ **spiky** _drill?"

"No! No! GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Oh I forgot to bring the _anesthetic_, didn't I? How _forgetful _of me. I must be getting _old. _Oh well, these things _happen_. You'll _forgive me_ right? _After_ _all_, **_we_** forgive_ **you**_."

"Something like that, apparently. See? You just can't stay angry right?" Naruto reasoned.

Tenten sat, petrified. She might have peed herself in fright – except she was too scared to pee.

Ino reorganized her list of people not to piss off radically and shortened it to just the one.

Chouji was unable to finish his lunch due to unsettling mental imagery.

Shikamaru, who had slept through the entire story, was nonetheless plagued with the worst nightmare of his life.

Hinata noticed Naruto's cup was empty and offered to pour more juice. "Thanks Hinata-chan"

She smiled.

"I..." Tenten had to practically force herself to gulp fresh air. "I – I think I might need to re-consider my choice in role-models right now..."

Naruto nodded in understanding. "And don't ask me how she gets away with it – some political mumbo jumbo I don't even feel like listening to. But I kind of wish she'd figure out another way to get back at them. I mean, lately I think Ibiki's been wanting to start up some weird kind of competition with her or something." Naruto paused in contemplation, "And, I mean, I don't see how that could end well for _anyone_."

* * *

_Omake _– I started to think of what to write, and then decided that out of all the characters introduced/reintroduced this chapter, Sakura was given the least backstory. Here we go:

Naruto considered his pink-haired friend one day on a walk home from school.

Sakura, like many girls at the academy, had a very healthy obsession with the Uchiha Heir.

Healthy in the sense that all the chasing she did was actually pretty good cardio exercise – it was shocking what she could accomplish when motivated.

But naturally Naruto couldn't help but wonder what about the broody anti-social stuck up orange hating sunnovabitch she found so endearing.

Sakura, who had been pondering quite deeply on her own, suddenly turned to face her friend – a look of dead seriousness on her face. "Naruto-kun?"

"Uh," he'd never seen her this serious, "yeah?"

"I've been thinking about Sasuke-kun."

Naruto gave a pitiable sigh. To be honest, Sakura wasn't the best company when it got to the subject of 'her' Saskue-kun. His mother had brushed off his complaints one day comparing it to his love of Ramen. And to that – there was sadly no good response he could mount. So he understood where she was coming from – it's just a matter of preference. He liked awesome tasty foodstuffs. She liked broody anti-social stuck up orange hating sunnovabitches. "I actually kind of knew you were."

"You can tell?" Sakura was astonished.

"Well, we're just walking home and you're not eating, sleeping, or talking to me, so I figured it must be Sasuke time."

With a mighty huff, Sakura rounded on her friend. "That's absurd. I'm not _that _bad."

Naruto gave his friend a deadpanned look. "Sakura-chan you have a 1/56th scale model of him"

"So?"

"And you put a chastity belt on it." he flatly continued

"S-So?" Sakura broke into a nervous sweat.

Naruto gave a purposeful pause of silence as he leveled a very flat stare, somehow piercing stare, at the pinkette. "It's somehow anatomically correct isn't it?"

"It wasn't me!" Sakura, terrible secret exposed, panicked and blabbed excuses at great speed. "There's this branch-family Hyuuga that likes him – I tried to talk her out of doing it!"

Out of doing it on that particular day. It had been one of Sasuke's shopping days and it was thought the bustle of the afternoon crowd could pose more problems than aid.

Still, as the evidence suggested, the mission was a resounding success.

"You've got one though." Naruto smartly pointed out.

Yes. The Hyuuga otherwise known as member #32 had a spectacular eye for – ahem – detail, as well as a particular dexterous skill with mould-making. She also proved quite willing to uphold her end of the covenant instead of hogging the mold to herself.

With only minimal press-ganging. For her commendable comradery she had been promoted to senior club member, second class.

"It was the peer pressure! Everyone has one!"

_Yeah_, Sakura thought,_ pft, right._

"And I respect his privacy! That's what the belt is for!"

"Ah. Is that so?" Naruto's flat stare would not be broken "Then you threw out the key right?"

"**No way!** What a waste! Ah –" Sakura caught herself too late. The suggestion had just been too absurd – she'd let inner-Sakura out by accident. "I mean..."

Naruto raised an eyebrow slowly – a move his mother taught him – and remained conspicuously silent.

Sakura bowed her head in shame. "Yes, I'm obsessed. Sorry. Please don't tell Sasuke-kun."

Naruto sighed, smiled indulgently, and pat the fangirl's head mockingly as he would a repentant pet. "There, there. We all have our faults. So what did you want to ask me before we were sidetracked by your perverted obsession?"

"It's not perverted!" She'd only looked once. "It's just a regular romantic, sweet obsession." She finished quietly.

Naruto rolled his eyes. His life was full of perverts – he had begrudgingly come to accept this somewhat.

Sakura gathered her wits, recalling her original conversation. "Anyways can I get your professional opinion on something –as a boy? I've been thinking… maybe Sasuke-kun would like me better if I was stronger. But then I thought, to be soft and protect able is also important." She tapped her chin in thought. "What do you think?"

What did he think? He thought it all sounded like code to him. "Before that Sakura-chan, I think he'd really love it if you didn't chase him down while screaming his name all the time."

"What? That's stupid. I have to stand out."

"But if _all_ the girls that like him _chase him down_ then if you _don't _chase him down then –"

"Now that's just crazy talk, Naruto-kun."

Annoyed at being told off when only trying to be reasonable and help a friend, naruto became understandably testy. "But you can't think he _likes _people chasing him down and trying to cram love down his throat!"

Sakura scowled. "We don't _cram_ it down his throat. And he's had a terrible and lonely childhood. He's just not honest with his own desires for companionship. " She sighed, reminded once more that Naruto was a boy and, as such, completely inept at matters of the heart. "Whether he's burdened by the thoughts of what could have been, or by the weight of his lost clan's pride and expectations, or whether after loosing it all he's distrustful of hope for _joy_... It's obvious if you think about it, that if we don't take the initiative, his whole life may be lived without love. Yes!" She became impassioned, pumping her fist righteously. "It's up to me to break into his lonely heart and show him that he can be loved! That he is deserving of love! That love is the answer!"

"Sakura-cha–"

"LOVE!"

"..."

"Now do you understand?" Sakura sweetly inquired

"It actually kind of makes sense." Naruto admitted.

"You see!" the Sasuke Fan President chirped victoriously. "It's all about Love."

"Yeah, except, that sounds a hell of a lot like the book Nee-chan checked out of the library a while ago_._"

"E-Eh? S-So what?" Sakura, sensing something devious, tried to cut Naruto off. "Books are based on truth right? Yeah! What are books if not composites of refined, purified, and crystallized knowledge!"

Naruto sighed. "You got the top grades in the class outside of practical work because of that Sakura-chan... but it also messes you up bad."

"W-What are you talking about?" Sakura tried to laugh it off.

"What am I talking about?" Naruto questioned quietly. "What am I talking about? I'm talking about THIS!"

"Ow!" Sakua rubbed her tender head, having received a descent _whap_ by... a... oh. "I can explain that."

"It's a manga! It's the most girly, squeely damn manga ever!" Naruto shook the offending evidence before her eyes furiously, before flipping rapidly through the pages. "And this! Here, this is that damn speech you keep giving me about Sasuke! You memorized it damnit!"

"S-So?"

"So? So?" Naruto parroted incredulously. "So it's non-fiction, _you idiot_!"

_Whap._

"Ow! So what? Books are repositories of knowledge. If we can't trust books then what can we –"

_Whap_

"It's a manga, damnit! Which part of that guy looks like Sasuke!" He pointed furiously at a bishonen. "What the hell, is it the part where sparkly stars appear when he smiles, or the part where he flips his hair every other panel?"

"That's actually the protagonist's best friend / love rival / alternate love interest if you squint really hard" Sakura couldn't help but correct.

_Whap!_

"That's not the damn point! Why are you taking love advice from a manga? Why are you _talking my ear off all the damn time with love advice from a manga?_"

_Whap Whap!_

"You want to figure out the guy, at least read goddamn guy's manga! See how many girls chase the guy down and yell marriage proposals in a guy's manga!"

"Ow, stop it already! That actually hurts – We're not all built like rocks like you and your mom!" Sakura rubbed her now tender head, finding a new empathy for all the tsukkomi's she'd pulled on her friend. "And that's ridiculous. What would you or any _guys,_ or any _guys manga_ know about a _girl's romance_?" She looked at him like he was an idiot. "You're being stupid."

"But it's a _guy _you're trying to _romance_!" Naruto protested incredulously.

"This and that are different." Sakura deadpanned. "Let's not compare apples and oranges."

"But you're asking _me_ whether Sasuke would like you if you were stronger!"

"Ah. You just don't get it." Sakura shook her head in exasperation. "If you're talking about being strong or sweaty or things like that then it's guys of course; but for all the _important things_ like love and happiness and such of course it has to be _girls_."

"That's so damn sexist!"

Sakura waved the complaint off. "It's only sexist if a guy says it. There's a law about it or something."

"Wha – that's even_ more_ damn_ sexist!_"

"Damnit, can you believe she said that to me nee-chan?" Naruto complained. "I bet mangas like that are why Sasuke has so many fangirls – the poor, unfortunate, broody, orange hating sunnovabitch"

"Naruto-kun!" Shizune gave her patented 'you wish I'd just conk you one, because now you know you aren't getting any ramen to eat today' glare. "_Mind your language_!"

"Ah, sorry nee-chan."

"Well, I for one, agree with her" Tusnade, eavesdropper extraordinaire, added. "Girls can't be sexist."

"Yeah, _you _would."Naruto groused

"What, just because I'm a woman?" Tsunade asked incredulously. "Why, that's so _sexist_ of you! I raised you _better_, Naru-chan!"

"Why you!" Naruto lunged.

"Bring it, brat!"

Shizune just sighed. She wished her mentor didn't have so much fun picking on her otoutou.

* * *

A/N

Thanks to my early reviewers correcting my calling "Ibiki" "Ibuki". Corrected. (Like one said, I think I was mixed up with Maya Ibuki).

A while ago someone said that Tsunade's and Gaara's last name were different. I didn't know – but it's too late now. (I like mine better anyways)

I had anesthetic as aesthetic. corrected. ty, reviewers.

A tsukkomi (I didn't check the spelling) is a Japanese term (no real English equivalent) for that that thing time where the regular person corrects the idiot in a comedy bit, basically. Often, mild physical force (or extreme physical force) is used to accent this. I've done this, like, a _lot _in this fanfic, so I think you know what I mean.

Favorite lines: I have way too many this chapter. Seriously, like every punchline seems to have it's own unique appeal to me this time. However:

"Oh I forgot to bring the _anesthetic_, didn't I? How _forgetful _of me. I must be getting _old. _Oh well, these things _happen_. You'll _forgive me_ right? _After_ _all_, **_we_** forgive_ **you**_."" - I never knew I could write something that evil-badass.

It's also the first chapter that doesn't start with an introductory narrative. I felt it was time to stop it – we're looking to the future now and from this point on characters may truly live or die. (Originally this chapter was going to be radically different – little humor for one, and a totally different time and place for another – and some very key characters would have died shortly.)

Please Review.


	14. Chapter 14

So I was like, let's not re-do the rooftop intro scene. Or the bell scene. If I see another one of those, I think I'll start punching myself in the face.

* * *

Chapter 14

Team 7... Rejected?

Due to a very stern warning from his superiors involving hot coal, two kilograms of TNT, and Anko Mitarashi, Kakashi was giving today his all and was only half an hour late rather than three – the experience was almost surreal from his perspective. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so _early_...for being late. Standing before the doorway to another team-to-be-failed, he was nonetheless apprehensive. His encounter with the substitute teacher in the hallway had left him with a certain sense of foreboding.

"What... _you're_ team seven's captain?" the man was crippled with humor. "Well – HaHa!– _Well_ then. Couldn't have happened to a more _deserving_ sunnovabitch."

Perhaps he could stand to be a _few_ more hours la –

The Jounin's thoughts were cut off by a projectile door.

"**I'll kill you!**"

"Bwhahahaha~!"

"Naruto-kun, stop making fun of Sasuke-kun! Why are you _always_ like this?"

"But he's such an ass! And he just makes it so damn _easy_! Just look at his _clothes._ And dear god, his _hair_! Quack-Quack, Sasuke!"

"Glrglflrgl" As the Jounin peeled himself off of the wall he became aware of the carnage of what was once a classroom. Truly, it was the scene of a quite interesting battle – there was a... uniqueness to the battlegrounds after all.

Naruto, who's objective seemed to make hair and attitude related jokes, stalled for time by hurling tables and various room fixtures at the young Uchiha.

Incidentally, those were solid wood rectangular tables to be shared by at least three students.

Sasuke, for his part, had somehow been driven to an inconsolable rage and was quickly on his way to incinerating anything and everything _but _Naruto – though not for lack of trying.

"And he's an Uchiha but he doesn't know the first damn thing about _police work_! And he's always brooding in a _corner_ somewhere! And he runs away from _girls_! I could just go _on _and _on_!"

"**Die!**"

Sakura, in desperation, practically bowled her (assumedly) new sensei over. "Sensei! Thank god you're here! You have to stop them!"

"Wha – buh... but I was only half an hour late."

Kakashi had to duck under a projectile flaming desk before he could continue. "An-Anyways, yes. I am very disappointed at this show of in-team hostility and on these grounds I formally reject –"

Naruto made a diving roll towards the newcomer and proceeded to block a barrage of kunai with what was left of the class chalkboard. "Whoah, nice try jackass! Oh, hey there. Are you our new sensei?"

"This destructive behavior is–"

"Oh about that, there's this old school rule that we're not responsible for any training-related damages. It's considered the teacher-on site's fault for lack of supervision." Naruto placed a consoling arm on his new sensei. "Sorry about that, sensei."

"_Training?_ This isn't – wait, no. I'm not..." the veteran truly began to panic. "_I hereby formally __**reject**_"

"Oops, hold that thought." Naruto caught a piece of spinning wood shrapnel aimed at his head. He paused to look at its surface. "Ohshit that's actually pretty clever Sasuke. Uh, can you hold on to this, sensei? Thanks." Whereby, Naruto stuffed the wood into the interior of his sensei's Jounin jacket and tackled a nearby Sakura to the floor just in time to avoid the majority...

Of the blast radius.

"H-Hereby... hereby formally reject," A smoking, floored Jounin coughed. "reject..."

* * *

"**You're late!**" Naruto and Sakura shouted in unison

"Ah, sorry. I was lost on the road of life."

"**Liar!**"

"You're right. I was hospitalized." Kakashi pointed towards his various bandages.

"Oh... that's right" Sakura said.

Naruto sported a sheepish look. "Er..."

After the explosive tag on that wood shrapnel had gone off, Kakashi had been in relatively good health for living through such a thing – thinks to powerful internal chakra reinforcement.

However he was temporarily immobilized in the middle of a battlefield as well as simply stunned dumb by the outrageous going-ons. This had not boded well once Sasuke discovered a soldier pill in one of the destroyed desk remains.

And Naruto discovered a new and exciting use for jounins as very resilient cover – when utilized at just the right angle.

Kakashi took a deep breath. "I hereby formally reject this team."

"Wha – you can't do that!" Sakura exclaimed.

"You're right." The scarecrow sighed. "I just wanted to say it."

The bookworm blinked. "Wow, really?"

Kakashi nodded– he had recaptured his aloof pace somewhat. The trick was to simply recognize the pure talent for mass havoc this teem represented and to be ready for it by, as suggested by Naruto's sister, never ever allowing him to become bored around someone he didn't like. Or angry at someone he didn't like. Or offended by someone he didn't like. And to remember that he grew up around legend of shinobi's and had the bad habit of presupposing that their feats weren't _entire leagues _ahead of the standard, and that...

Kakashi strained to remember the rest of the list but his memory wasn't what it normally was, being that he'd just come out of the hospital.

"Apparently, this team is considered to be of too great a national asset. You're some kind of 'dream team' and the Hokage won't let me reject you." Kakashi fought hard the sporadic tick of annoyance he'd been developing since the old man had come to his medical bed with the news. "Or throw you off a cliff. For instance you: you're the sole heir to the Houou family estate – you're currently in debt but those debts were taken against assets tied to Konoha and considered of top socioeconomic priority. There are also, of course, the medical techniques your mother has invented but hasn't shared – or that simply aren't feasible by any other ninja."

"Hm, is _that_ how kaa-chan gets away with all that crap?"

"You could say that's a big part of it."

This intruiged him tremendously. "Does that mean _I_ can get away with it too?"

"Um, no." Kakashi paled. "No I don't think so." It was at this point that Kakashi resolved never to mention that due to a unique set of circumstances the top spot on his 'do not offend' list was firmly and forever taken by the blonde's adopted older sister. "And you, Sasuke, are the sole inheritor and possessor of the entire Uchiha estate – what's left of it – and last legitimate holder of a very powerful bloodline."

"Hn"

"And you," Kakashi turned to Sakura, paused, and checked his papers again, "oh, you're actually nothing special"

"What!" Sakura exclaimed. "Don't say it like that!"

"That's strange. Why... oh, I get it – you're that token female character placed here so that the Hokage can keep support of kunoichi advancement programs rolling." Kakashi paused. Sakura's jaw dropped. "And to keep up the appearance that we don't care about family backgrounds in our ninja." Kakashi glanced at his only female student, found her to be imitating a statue, and pressed on regardless. "Well I already know all about you three so we'll skip the introductions. Questions?"

Naruto raised his hand. "What killed all the humans?"

"...What?"

"Sorry. Just checking. Never mind."

"Well all right then – Yes?" Naruto had raised his hand immediately again.

"How'd you get your hair to stick up like that?"

"I'm going to ignore that question. Sasuke?"

Sasuke glared venomously in Naruto's direction. "I want to be transferred away from him."

"That's not a question Sasuke."

* * *

Team 7 was assigned D-ranked missions much to Naruto's dismay and, honestly, confusion.

"_But we're awesome, so can't we just skip all the low level stuff and start __exploding some bandit camps?"_

He'd skipped gokyaku to go after karyuu endan, after all. And everyone had seemed fine with it at the time.

Yet here they were, stupidly pulling vegetables.

Naruto, who was the most physically powerful, was plucking football sized, overgrown radishes free of dry, hard, and packed earth before tossing them behind himself rather casually.

Sasuke, the most dexterous and precise with eye-hand co-ordination (for obvious reasons) was tasked with plucking strawberries and did so at an almost supersonic rate.

Sakura carried the baskets.

...

Well, while that wasn't very impressive, she also kept exact track of quantities within each individual basket on the cart despite the enormous speed at which that changed and could, shortly after being asked, approximate the weight and dollar value of each.

Although that, Naruto noted, was entirely useless in the current situation.

"_Don't say 'useless'!"_

What was odd about the mission was their company.

"Smile, Naru-chyaaan~!"

Click. Click. Click.

"_Damnit_, Kaa-chan!"

"Oh shush. Like I'd miss your first D-Rank." Tsunade scoffed. "I can't wait till they have you walking dogs or pulling cats out of trees or something! The humiliating pictures must be saved for the prosperity of future generations."

Sakura blinked. "I can't believe it... but you know I think she's really serious Naruto-kun."

"_I_ can't believe she hasn't run out of damn film yet." Naruto groaned.

"_**I **_can't believe how _adorable_ you look when you pout like that!" Tsunade rejoiced.

"...I can't believe I'm on this team" Sasuke muttered to himself. He was overheard.

"I can't either." Kakashi's right arm – which Tsunade had caught holding Icha Icha in her beloved adopted son's presence – had been broken in six places, and healed only in five. This was on the condition that the last would be healed and his immense sufferings would end once he divulged the hiding places of the rest of his adult media– that Tsunade could have them all burnt to the ground.

He was still debating the issue.

* * *

The Houou family was having a tea over at the Hyuuga estate one day.

"Thanks Hinata-chan"

Hinata smiled as she returned the tea pot.

"So," Tsunade kicked off the conversation, "Naru-chan, I heard you were causing all sorts of trouble for the old man, huh?" She laughed heartily.

"Naruto-kun, you should take your missions more seriously" Shizune complained – then she checked herself. Had her statement been socially acceptable? She was still unused to being invited into the heart of Konoha's most prestigious clan grounds.

Naruto blinked. "Wait... I'm _supposed _to take them seriously? No one told me _that_."

To this, the adopted sister gaped. "What do you mean? They're there to help with your growing process you know. You're to learn from them."

"_What?_" the mint-new gennin honestly, truly, seemed surprised. "I thought they were just some kind of wierd embarrassing initiation thing."

"What would make you think _that?_"

Naruto silently pointed to his right.

Tsunade, surprised at being sold out by her own son, coughed on her tea.

Shizune supposed she should have known – she really should have. "_Tsunade-sama!_"

Her mentor objected. "Well it's true! If those things aren't an 'I did it, so you sure as hell have to do it' thing then I don't know _what _they are!"

Oblivious to the impending scolding his mother was about argue her way out of, Naruto interjected. "Well I guess it doesn't matter."

"It does!" Shizune frowned. "It's practice for being a proper ninja!"

"But I've been doing them as a proper ninja!"

Now this honestly confused Shizune quite a bit. On one hand, she trusted her otoutou implicitly – to a fault at times, she was willing to admit. On the other hand, she had quite a bit of evidence to refute him with. "Didn't you try to paint a fence with that futon technique of yours?"

Naruto sighed fondly at the memory. "And it _almost _worked, too."

"You destroyed the fence! Er," Shizune paused, "forgive my impropriety Hyuuga-sama. I don't mean to perpetuate a ruckus." She bowed.

Haishi gave a graceful dismissive gesture. "It's quite all right." He was certainly used to such behaviour by now – as were the rest of the compound.

"I thought it would be a ninja fence," Naruto, ignoring the side going-ons with Hiashi, objected. "You know, like maybe it went six feet straight into the ground or something."

Hinata blinked. "Is that what you thought about that log when you hospitalized Iruka sensei?"

Naruto bristled at the topic. "Well the logs at _our _house go _eight_ feet down" he objected. "And I _told _him I was sorry. And about the fence thing, I thought maybe the paint was special ninja paint too. You know, super thick or something."

"But your jounin sensei _told _you everything was normal" Tsunade pointed out. She'd been there. With two cameras.

"But he's a _ninja_," Naruto pressed. "Ninja's try to _trick people_. And that guy lies like _all the time_. And if it had worked, I'd totally be called a genius right now. I think not doing something just because some other guy says it wont work is silly and as a ninja I feel that we should be more badass than that."

Tsunade shrugged, having only pretended to object in the first place. "Works for me. Give em' hell kid."

Hiashi also found this reasoning – while very unorthadox – to be in keeping with the shinobi tenants of open-mindedness and constant vigilance.

"Well I suppose when you say it like that..." Shizune sighed. She expected something like that... "But this sounds dangerously like a free pass to totally unreasonable shortcuts."

"Isn't it _great?_"

She'd expected _that_, too.

"Besides," Naruto mumbled quietly, "the fence was for that restaurant that wouldn't let us in."

Hearing this alternative motive, there was a sharp ring as a teacup slammed onto the wooden table. "Wha- that one with the warty, froggy guy?" Tsunade was suitably impressed. "High five, Naru-chan! That's my son!"

"No high-fives!" Shizune objected. Then she stopped to recall the absolutely atrocious restaurant owner and when Tsunade proposed a toast instead she didn't have the heart to object.

Shizune noted, however, that her brother's teacup was empty and sought to remedy this.

There was a resounding ring of dissatisfaction. It was the clear, piercing, and distinct tone of expensive china rattled upon equally expensive china at a very particular angle. The sound was not dissimilar in its obtrusiveness from that of an alarm bell - and had a similar stopping effect.

All conversation immediately paused.

And Shizune's hand, outreached, froze centimeters from the teapot.

Hinata Hyuuga had -apparently with the speed and control required to impact the top '_just so_' and create such a sharp and distinct sound -beaten her to the item. The Heiress's palm now rested delicately there on the lid of it.

With a very surreal dawning, Shizune realized that she'd been pot-blocked.

Hyuuga blank, pale eyes shadowed from most by the heiresses bangs failed to reflect the light and the heiress's expression – from Shizune's angle – was one of cold business.

_...Oh. _Shizune gathered her wits and then gave a courteous head nod as if to say 'go ahead'. _Why... that's just so cute!  
_

The moment passed with Shizune and Tsunade accepting the occurrence so naturally that if it weren't for the giggles and whispers between them, one would doubt its occurrence.

Hiashi was doubtlessly surprised. That was his daughter? Hinata? She's never been that serious. He observed the girl in a new light. When did she move? She dared engage in a battle of wills with **anyone?**

He had tried... pulled, poked, prodded, and pursued in every imaginable direction to elicit such a display of confidence even just in passing.

And here she had been more Hyuuga than she ever had...

..._over who could pour the __**tea**__?_

"Ah. Thanks Hinata-chan"

Hinata smiled.

Naruto had been oblivious to anything but the surface implications – there had obviously been some confusion over the tea (like bumping into someone when trying to bypass).

Hiashi, being a patient man by nature and principle, observed the tea situation with new purpose.

"Aaaah~" Naruto sighed contentedly. "That's good tea. Did you make it, Hinata-chan?"

"Um," as was her occasional habit, the girl closed in on herself and only with particular dining mannerism training did she restrain herself from fiddling with her hands as she stared at her lap. The blush she fought valiantly with Hyuuga mental training exercises to only limited success. "Y-Yes."

"I thought so. You add a little lemon or something, right?"

"U-Um." She turned positively scarlet at him knowing her tea so well, and had to hide her face discreetly by taking sudden interest in a calligraphy hanging opposite. "Tha-That's a... secret..."

Fiddle. Fiddle.

Oh, she just couldn't help herself there – why that was practically flirting!

Haiashi seized this chance, while Hinata was distracted, "Naruto-san, your cup's empty. Let me –"

He was interrupted by the gentle sound of poured liquid.

"Let you what, Haiashi?" Naruto sipped his newly filled teacup. "And thanks Hinata-chan."

She smiled.

"...Ah, no. Nothing." Haiashi had nothing to do but wonder what had just happened here. "Never mind."

She had had channelled the very essence of water. Smooth, gentle, fluid, yet purposed.

Neither ending without cause, nor starting without cause.

It was more that she caressed the air, than she reached out through it.

More that she embraced the teapot, than she snatched it away from under him.

Pristine efficiency in motion.

Rather than being faster, she had been so beautifully natural that he hadn't noticed something wrong until he looked down to find the teapot conspicuously missing.

And when she replaced the pot she looked up at him – looked up and gave him a smile.

Hidden in that smile – rather by the epitome of calmness, the half-lidded steady look, and the unnatural length that it held for – a message was projected.

_Honorable Father. __Don't you f^%k with my tea or we're going to have a problem._

Well...

Well, _sunnovabitch._

_Tea_, was it?

He was forcefully reminded of his wife. She had been so kind, so gentle, so caring.

So utterly terrifying that one time he'd come home with a strand of blond hair on his haori. (it had been a cat of course – but that had taken him three very pitiable weeks to prove that absolutely).

"Naruto-san" Haiashi began. "How do you feel about a tutoring job – on the side?"

* * *

Sakura stood at the entrance and peered in to the courtyard wearily.

"What's wrong, Sakura-chan? Come on in!"

"Well..." the girl began uneasily, "it's just that, according to our textbooks the Houou ancestral estate was infamous for being so well trapped that no one had ever even successfully committed theft on it."

She looked uneasily at some of the rocks on the ground – as if they might bite her.

Which was ridiculous, she objectively understood.

They were far more likely to explode.

"Oh _that_," Naruto guffawed, "No, they got it all wrong. Don't worry, getting in here's a piece of cake!"

"Eh? Really? But then how come..."

"Well you're a guest so don't worry! Our house is actually pretty smart."

"...smart?" She'd best just let this one drop for now.

She was surprised to find a pair of Hyuuga's sitting in seiza in the back-yard (which was large to the point of absurdity) behind the house.

"'Kay." Naruto began his address. "Now from what I can tell I'm here to teach you all how to fight. Now Sakura-chan's here so she can impress her object of perversion"

"I'm not a pervert!"

"- by not being the token female, non-shinobi background, teammate."

"Don't say 'token teammate!'" Sakura threw her bag at the impertinent blonde.

Naruto, used to such outbursts, deftly sidestepped and pressed on. "But you two are damn rich and connected – and I have no idea why the hell both of you need to be sent to a gennin like me. If it was medicine, I'd get it. But this seems kind of weird."

"Father is surprisingly frugal." Hanabi supplied coolly. "I am here on his demand to at least try you out before I never come back."

"Stingy huh? You know, I never would have guessed." Naruto crossed his arms and pondered that briefly. "Anyways, I'm not actually the best out there for teaching – if it's just normal stuff then _teachers _are the best out there for teaching. Let me see... but if its flashy high-risk tactics, or how to fight with so much guts that you win because the other guy just can't out-macho you, or even how to prank people and blame it on anyone you want without even Sannin ever catching you if you don't want them to... then I guess I'm the guy for the job."

Sakura groaned in frustration. "That's not what I came here for, damn it! Get serious already! Shaanro!"

Naruto gave her a look. "I'm totally serious."

_Uwa~. That's even worse._

"Um, Naruto-kun... Guts? I-I don't really think... I-I mean..."

"W-We're Hyuuga!" Hanabi protested her share, very unusually flustered. Pranks? Ridiculous. Absurd. Unnoble! Who cared about pranks, anyways? Why, it was pranktically unheard of. Totally unpranktical. Pranks – pshaw! Pshaw, indeed! "We don't – don't have an interest in such things. It's just not done. Don't compare us to the common prank – the common _folk_." Hanabi corrected quickly. "I said common folk."

"...Right. Okay." Naruto figured he'd just let that one slide.

"That's what I said. I'm a Hyuuga and we are always right."

"I believe you" Naruto deadpanned. "Oh, and also this entire place is layered with so much privacy protection that not even Byakyuugans can look in here. Of course you can't look out either. So I can also give you a place where there is literally no chance of anything you say or do here reaching back to your parents at all." Naruto paused. "And I guess we can – wow, when did you get down there?"

A tiny Hyuuga was found prostrate at his feet. "Mould me, oh master!"

"Er..."

"I want to prank my father."

Naruto considered the mini Hyuuga. "You..." He spoke out purposefully slowly, so that she could be sure to understand exactly what it was she was asking here. "You want to prank the head of house of the most perceptive and proud clan in forever? Your own father?"

"**So very much.**"

"... Yeah, okay, let's do it." Naruto had considered the task for all of three seconds."Wanna' blame it on that one old cranky lady no one likes?"

The sparkles in Hanabi's eyes could have blinded lesser shinobi.

"Hang on. What about _me_?" Sakura questioned. "Can you at least tell me what you think I should do, before you start planning something that I really don't want to know the details of?"

_Actually, I totally do want to know. But plausible deniability... deniability!_

Naruto gave his friend a once-over. "Hmm... well from where you are you kind of lack the one thing you're not really allowed to lack as a ninja Sakura-chan."

"Eh? What's that?"

"Raw power" Naruto clenched a fist before himself in emphasis. "Any tricks and skills you have are gonna' mean a lot more if you actually have something to shut the other guy down. But that's not too bad. It's actually pretty easy to get more power at the start."

"Eh? Ah, that's right. Aren't you like, an expert on that kind of thing Naruto-kun?" Hope bloomed in the maiden's heart. Even though he normally acted weird, this was a person who had traveled farther and fought more real-life fights than anyone else in the academy. "You're like, a 'power-type' or something, right?"

Naruto took up his lecturing pose – it was marginally less humorous now that he was older. "Well it's just what's best to start with for you. If you want to build skill then you have to learn it, and then also teach it to your body. That takes time. I mean it takes a _lot _of time. You don't have enough chakra or practice with jutsu to learn new ones either. Power's easy at the start. You can just _give _it away."

"So what should I do? Push-ups? Sparring? Oh! It's weighted clothing right? Gravity chamber?" Sakura rambled excitedly.

Nauto gave a half pity half fed-up look. "... you're thinking of manga again, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

"Um. Maybe, maybe not?" Sakura averted her eyes.

Naruto shook his head and ducked behind the corner while he continued to explain. "Getting a good weapon to swing around can help. That's what I mean when I say I can just _give _you power. I know this person that says she's good stuff like that - especially thrown stuff like shuriken. But I've got something better for you - it'll really let you use your head and that's what you're best at." He returned towing a large topples crate behind him. He reached in and flung some of its content at Sakura.

Being an accredited ninja now, even she could easily pluck a soft throw like that out of the air, and did so quickly enough that she had to take a moment to check what he had given her.

Then she re-checked. "This is a scroll!" she objected. "It doesn't look like a training manual scroll. I thought you said jutsu would take too long? This..." she turned the scroll over in her hands, examining the exterior. "This is a flow synchronisis matrix tool!"

Naruto sweatdropped. "I actually have no idea what the hell you just said and just which book that's from, but in the real world we call something like that a splicer. When you actually use it for a jutsu, the jutsu is called a hybrid."

"But that's the _hardest _kind of technique to learn!" Sakura protested. She thumbed the scroll, trying to find the seam to open it with – what quality! The outer seals were done so uniformly she couldn't even find... even find... "Is this really an FMST?"

Sakura switched gears and tried looking at the mystery scroll with a new angle.

It felt strange. Off. And something about the side bothered her...

_This is... this is... wait... _

"Oh my god!" the blonde's teammate went from intrigued to pants-crapping terrified in about one-fifth of a second and dropped the would-be expensive scroll like a hot potato. Or a time bomb. "That's crazy! And stupid! **And** **crazy!**" She knew she'd mentioned it before, but didn't feel she'd quite expressed herself fully that first time. "You're _insane_! Where did you even _get that_?"

"They're surprisingly cheap." Naruto supplied.

"That's not the problem, you idiot! Oh jesus! I actually touched one!"

"Oh don't be such a big baby. That's a small one." Naruto reasoned.

"You have _bigger ones_?"

"I just _told _you they were _cheap._ _God_, you're such a nag sometimes" Naruto complained. "Now," he shortly clapped his hands together to get the attention of all his would-be students, "who wants to create wide scale collateral damage in very, very flashy awesome ways that are probably mostly safe – with no later repercussions in any way, and full support of any and all authority figures?"

"L-Let me get my piggybank!" The last words needed to be strained to hear, as the little Hyuuga was halfway off the premises before she finished.

"Er," Sakura, far from ready to sign up as a full-time student, was now debating whether her money would be better spent on a full set of protective gear. Or life insurance.

Hinata smiled nervously, full of doubt that this would actually suit her, and excessively concerned about the beautiful terrain's welfare (as for her own welfare, she quite naturally presupposed that Naruto-kun would save her if things got dicey), and produced her pocketbook.

"Eh? I mean thanks, but maybe you and your sister should hold back until you see what we're actually doing here."

"No... I-I think I can put up with it... maybe..."

"Put up with it? No, no, that's not how it works! You gotta' have confidence! At least _sound _like you have confidence. You _can _put up with it! Say it!"

"I – I can put up with it?"

"More conviction!"

* * *

The third Hokage of Konoha sat at his desk – hands steepled and considering a certain gennin team. In particular, he considered a certain blonde.

Said blonde had recently attempted to blackmail – blackmailing the Hokage of all things! – his way into a C-rank mission.

And Sarutobi wasn't entirely sure, but the blonde may have succeeded.

"_Hey__ Hokage-sama. What's up?"_

"_Naruto. Hello. I heard you wanted to see me?"_

"_Well, I came to talk about how you're a pervert and how me not spreading this around will get my awesome team and me a C-rank mission."_

"_What?" Sarutobi was alarmed. "I'm not a pervert!" Discreetly (in a way only a ninja could) he checked that his secret unmentionable hiding spot was indeed out of sight and undisturbed. "Why would you think I was a pervert?"_

"_Cuz' you're old."_

"_That's hardly..."_

"_And __**someone**__ taught Ero-Uncle how to be a pervert – he said it was you."_

"_That's ridiculous!" Sarutobi pushed back surfacing memories of spying on hot springs with his old student. "Totally absurd."_

"_**And**__ I found your Icha Icha" the blonde held up a copy._

"_You WHAT?" Hurriedly, Sarutobi checked a certain desk droor and was halfway to releasing the secret mechanism within when he __caught himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm getting old."_

"_Haha, yeah. This is just __one of the random presents Ero-Sennin likes to give me – dang he's perverted. What did you do to him?"_

"_Naruto-kun... unfortunately for you, __I don't think you can actually substantiate any of this."_

"_Yeah, well I still know you're a pervert for __**sure**__ now. Who's Kaa-chan going to believe? Me, who would actually know that I'm telling the truth, or you – who's totally a pervert. You pervert."_

_The old Hokage gave a long suffering sigh._

Team 7 had performed a number of D-rank missions with startling variances of success. And it almost all, he mused, came down to Naruto.

He had, so to speak, reinvented the wheel at every opportunity. Taking the dogs for a walk, according to him, had been much more efficient when he'd wrapped the twelve sizable pets in an enormous tied up tarp as he jogged the required distance while dragging them behind him. In this way he'd literally, so to speak, **taken them** (like a package) for a walk.

Which of course was entirely apart from the objective.

But being told that it was for exercise purposes, he'd instead proceeded to incite the dogs by poking them with sticks and taunting them with meat and treats, then thrash them soundly in a 'sparring match'.

"_What? This is definitely better exercise. It's how all of us ninja do it__ and just look at __**us**__!"_

Possibly worse than that, there'd been no physical evidence as he'd healed them all up quite well afterwards.

Being told to clear the trash in training ground 9 (there'd been a party there the previous night) he'd performed a futon jutsu and blown all the trash, along with his teammates and several other gennins assigned to the task, into a fence on the other side of the clearing. The mass, with the wind, then bowled the fence over.

Reportedly, he had expected everyone to anchor themselves to the ground immediately after his warning.

As if he expected them all to know tree-walking, much less effective anchoring.

And then there was that _cat _fiasco_._

And he had _literally_ _no idea_ what to make of _that_, but he did have a letter of praise from the Daimyo himself over the matter and that should –would normally– count for something.

Possibly worst of all Sarutobi had no idea if these were serious and creative, if maladjusted attempts...

Or if the blonde boy was just trying to make his domestic mission reports so outrageous that Sarutobi would cave and give him something exciting.

The lad had grown up in the company of very high powered shinobi – and such people never held anything close to normal damage tolerances and views of the acceptability of collateral damage. The lad had spent a great deal of his free time training, he was to understand, when others were out learning social and practical standards

Sarutobi turned his chair and gazed nostalgically at the portraits of his predecessors. He was of the habit that in moments of utter bewilderment like this, would often seek the remembered wisdom of his old teachers.

"_Sensei! Sensei..." Sarutobi went to his knees to plead for advice from his old mentors. He understood that their time was quite valuable and that the Hokage's office was really not the place to do this – but he was desperate.__ "I just don't know what to do with Jiraiya..."_

"_Well what's wrong?" Contrary to his position, the Shodaime (now retired) sat in the Hokage's chair._

"_I can't get him to be good at __**anything"**_

"_Oh? Anything, hm? That's a tough one. Well, Sarutobi, you have to understand that not many in this world are able to be good at absolutely anything."_

"_...What?"_

"_It takes a very certain kind of person to be good at __**anything**__, and often they are also not the ones for the job, as they are often excellent at nothing."_

_...? His sensei loved to teach using these word riddles – he was kind and wise, but didn't really believe in a free lunch _

"_Oh give him a break brother" second and current Hokage interjected from his spot seated amongst stacks of paper atop the desk. "He's got enough on his plate with this new team, in addition to all the other responsibilities you want to give him! What he means, Sarutobi, is that you need to understand your student more. If this Jiraiya, as you're so sure, has such potential, then you don't need him to be good at everything or even most things – you just need him to be good at what he can do."_

"_I – I see."_

"_It's a great place to start", the shodaime added_

"_But... but senseis, Jiraiya's problem is that he doesn't focus on the training. No matter what I do, he won't take it seriously!"_

"_Hm... there is an old proverb for this."_

"_Oh, not another one, brother. You've confused him enough I think"_

"_No! Please go ahead!"_

"_If you give a ball of yarn to a cat, it will play. If you give a mouse, it will hunt."_

"_I... I think I understand."_

"_Incidentally, if you give a ball of yarn to a seamstress she may be productive and knit, but give her a mouse and she may run away!" Uproarious laughter_

"_That was terrible brother."_

_Sarutobi liked it. "I... wonder what Jiraiya will say if I compared him to a cat."_

_Surprise. __"Oh, no. Don't get caught up in the proverb Sarutobi. It is just an analogy. The cat, and the types of person the cat represents, could just as easily be something worthy of fear. After all if he is the cat who is to say whom is the mouse? Further more a Tiger... is also merely a large cat."_

So he'd sent out a high chuunin to asses the three as a group.

Classic covert pretend kidnapping mission.

As if on que, said assessor staggered through the door.

"S-Sir, reporting sir. The Houou somehow found me before I found them. I was pressing him successfully by relying on my superior reach and skill in close ranged combat to avoid his sloppy taijutsu, until the Uchiha caught me with his wires. Then the Houou then seemed to shrug off the cumulative damage I'd given him and gave me a full-nelson rather than restrain me normally for nor readily apparent reason. The Uchiha then incinerated the both of us – which the Houou shrugged off with a little more difficulty and took much more offense to."

The chuunin took a deep but shaky calming breath. "The pink haired one tied me up quite well while her teammates descended into a brawl and I tried to recover. She then pulled a book from somewhere and explained the various ways they could sue me for this until I broke my cover and talked... Hokage-sama... I'm not legally considered an enemy insurgent while under cover, am I?" He asked, honestly concerned. "Because her argument was very convincing."

Sarutobi massaged his temples.

He wasn't entirely certain but it seemed they were ready after all.

Well then, what to do...

To be honest, he had never planned to risk such a politically critical team on just anything. Hence he had assigned his single most rounded and capable active Jounin to the task.

He wasn't much of a teacher – he never had been.

But he was a damn good ninja.

Regardless of how much he might want to actualize the young Houou's potential – and curtail the stream of damage reports the lad was responsible for – he was simply too valuable.

His mother, more than anything, had claimed herself as the ultimate wildcard. She may be pitiful at poker – but she had made very clear previously that she did not gamble with her son.

The very fact that she had returned to Konoha implied an excessive surplus of force. He'd seen – or rather felt – her political machinations. All of Konoha had felt it. Jiraiya reported her as having regained a startling 85% of her past physical battle capability – evening out around what the pervert himself had managed. And...

And then there was _that_.

If her claims were to be believed – and the woman was a terrible fibber – then she had the ear of one of the elites from the _old days_.

There weren't many of those left... the monsters that Konoha's status of 'strongest' had sprung naturally from were of an exceptional rarity these days.

They were all old now – or dead. And the new era of Konoha had not been as blessed with talent. Thinking objectively, such a period of supermen and women could only come once a century.

Of the old-time elites... there was one in particular that the woman might have unique access to – one could almost call it easy – but that one was supposed to be long since behind them all. Put to rest forever.

And that one was the most terrifying, because that one had been amongst the most fearful and they had been young – would be young even now.

With his shinobi forces old or ordinary, Sarutobi considered the risk.

That one... that one could be killed. With a small army. In an enclosed space.

But with the proper tools? With time to recuperate and infiltrate? Freedom of movement? Terrain to be exploited? Without the Yondaime around...

Might as well challenge a phantom to fisticuffs – the frustration and futility involved would not be dissimilar.

And so, before he did anything with this politically and economically extremely tempting offer from water country calling out a Houou – any Houou – by name, he would lastly need to consult with his old time student.

Best bring the _good_ sake along then.

* * *

Omake

"You %^&*#% cat. %^&* you, you hear me? %^&* you to hell!"

"Naruto-kun," Sakura groaned. "Stop swearing at the cat – it's embarrassing. And I'm sure there was a reasonable explanation for its escape... again..."

Although, to be fair, the cat was by this point so infamous a public menace that only it's status as the Daimyo's wife's favoured pet kept it out of the bingo books. And Sakura hadn't been given point position in any of the twelve cat retrieval missions they'd had in as many days. She had neither been assaulted by claw or fang, nor spit, peed on, or hairballed at (she swore it must be a ninja-cat or something, for its resourcefulness). And in all of the resulting drama, mud, and dirt, she had been conspicuously absent due to her laid back task of rear-guard.

Sasuke who, like Naruto, had several scratches as new facial decoration said words that may never actually be repeated in his entire relationship with his team. "I agree with the idiot. %^&* the cat."

"I agree too. Keep it up Naruto-kun!" Sakura sang a very different tune with the Uchiha as her conductor, although he hadn't actually said anything about encouraging swearing. "Pull out all the stops!" She urged, on a spur of the moment.

"Pull out all the stops?" Naruto echoed. "You know... that's so crazy it jus might work."

Here, Naruto pulled the cat towards his face "Listen and listen good, you little %^&*tastic %^&*er. I'll $%#$^$#$% your entire litter inside-out if I see your %^& (*&$# self again. Don't %^&* with me, you goddamn son of a (*#$, or I'll take your own #$#$ hairball and !#* !# !$# with a shovel! I'll find a %^&* flagpole and..."

Naruto continued this for the entirety of the walk back.

About two minutes in, the rest of team seven became unnerved enough that they started to walk far enough ahead that they couldn't here the practically demonic intimidation going on behind them.

"Here's your cat back, Ma'am."

"Why thank you! Oh my darling!" The robust Daimyo's wife smothered the cat in her bosom. "Oh, sweetums, did you miss mommy? And why are you all white? Is this flour?"

"No Mam," Naruto reported, "its fur has just gone white with fear, Mam."

"With fear?" The woman, it seemed, would possibly have a heart attack in terror at the concept.

Sakura sweated nervously and tried intensely to formulate an actually plausible cover for her team.

Sasuke turned up the aloof 'it doesn't concern me' vibe, hoping that people would assume he had nothing to do with it.

Kakashi copied him.

Naruo just laid it on thicker."Yes Ma'am, the forest around here is very terrifying for housecats Ma'am. Even the wild cats around here are very vicious."

"Oh my! Is that why he's shaking too? Oh, sweetums!" The cat, who had neither removed its eyes from Naruto, nor blinked for the entire meeting, was smothered to the point of near-suffocation by its owner. "You look so dreadful!"

Naruto tried to make it look casual as he brushed his few bangs (his hair was still pretty spiky) away from his forehead, drawing attention his diamond mark and the fact that he was _the _Miracle Medic Tsunade's heir. "Well, Ma'am, the forest is also home to a host of diseases the average cat isn't prepared for. This is my professional opinion."

Sakura flinched. _What are you __**saying**__? She was actually __**buying **__it! There's no way in hell –_

"Oh, no, that's terrible! Why, what disease could she have, doctor?"

_**I don't believe it!**_

Sakura really did face-fault this time. Sasuke was actually halfway to the floor before he stopped himself, issued a fake cough, and pretended he hadn't been about to do something so absurd.

Sakura peeled herself off the floor still disbelieving of their good fortune – but not in a hurry to find the end of it any time soon. _Naruto-kun, enough! Stop now! Don't you dare, don't you (*&^%$ dare make up anything more stu –_

"I'm afraid," Naruto paused. He tried to make it seem like a dramatic pause but in reality he hadn't thought this far and had actually run out of bullshit a while ago. Having no choice, he went with the first thing that came to him, "that all signs point towards... the 'Scardy Cat' disease."

_Goddamnit Naruto-kun!_

Just as Sakura was ready to slam her friend's head into the table in wrathful punishment for getting them all hanged for deceiving the _Daimyo's Wife_ of all people...

"Doctor, what is to be done?"

Sakura's mouth dropped. Her mind, if it could be said to do such a thing, experienced a gaping silence as it formulated what thought would even express it's incredulity.

Inner Sakura was fine though. _Wow, that was actually pretty funny!... Hey, hey main personality, aren't you going to say something? You there? Helooo? Huh._

Naruto looked at the damn devil cat of fire country rendered white and shaking and helpless as it was quickly being devoured by its owner's bosom and would shortly, he assumed, pass out from lack of air.

He looked at the creature... one which had caused him no end of strife these past few days... and was deeply surprised to feel a measure... of compassion.

This cat... this cat was not born evil, annoying, and downright vicious. It was a victim of circumstance.

"To cure Scardy Cat disease..." Naruto took a deep breath. "It will probably seem weird, but the patient needs a certain amount of time alone."

"What?" the woman asked, confused.

"It needs a certain amount of space. It needs freedom. Don't hold it so tightly, for instance."

"Oh, but snookums _likes_ this." The woman all but whined.

_Like hell he does_ was the cumulative thought of all save Sakura, who was still trying to catch up with the illogic of the situation.

"And he's such a frail little kitty."

_Like hell he is!_

"Can't you subscribe a medicine, doctor?"

"No can do Ma'am, it's a psychological ailment. Your cat needs to stand up for itself a little more –it needs to, like, catch a fish now and then. It needs to grow as an..." Naruto's brow furrowed. "...individual cat."

That sounded so stupid.

"Well," the woman gave a greatly reluctant, suffering sigh, "I suppose. If you say so, doctor. Come along snookums."

She gently loosened her grip on the cat – inadvertently saving it's life – and proceeded to leave after giving a generous tip for the 'free' medical advice to Naruto personally.

During this exchange, as the cat-loving woman rifled through her purse, Naruto leaned in close to his quarry and reinforced by whisper. "Don't let me %^& see you again, or you're %^&* (*&^% on a stick. A pointy stick. Thorns will be #*^* involved. Understand?"

"Here you go. Thank you for looking after snookums, dear."

"My pleasure Ma'am."

As the woman left the building the room gave a collective sigh.

Sakura, who had just released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, began to hyperventilate as if to make up the difference of time. "What are we going to do?" She violently shook her blond friend. "Oh my god, what are we going to do? We'll be found out for sure – that was such a _stupid_ excuse! We're going to be executed!"

Catching herself, she swiftly clamped both hands over her mouth, noting that she'd just revealed their secret to there room at large herself in her panic.

"What? Who's going to tell her?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"_Anyone_ can figure it out – it's so _stupid_!" She yelled, then caught herself. "I mean, hypothetically speaking – if we _had _lied – which we didn't."

"Are you kidding?" Naruto laughed her concerns off. "Jeez, you're smart but you're so stupid sometimes. Who's going to do that, and have that cat escape again? %^&* the cat."

Sakura looked around the room and was surprised to see solemn nods from the ninja's – and the one royal attendant still finishing some paperwork.

"**%^&* the cat****."** they chorused.

On that day a pact was formed. Unspoken, but passed on and universally understood, it would be upheld far after the cat in question would eventually pass away

Naruto would later discover that he'd actually installed a new psychological condition into the medical world.

He subsequently tried to argue that this should count as treating a previously untreatable illness – as he'd subscribed treatment - for his mother's 'unofficial final exam', but it didn't quite pan out with her even after he could get her to stop laughing.

* * *

A/N

Seiza, I believe, is that way of sitting like at the tea-table in Japan. You know, with your legs tucked under you and formally and stuff.

Well, it finally came to this time. In every Naruto AU that wants to at least vaguely shadow cannon plot – as most do – there comes time to decide on a few key issues. Sasuke: good/evil, perpetual jerk/eventual friend? Haku: boy/girl? Konoha: total jerks/regular jerks. And team assignments.

I chose classic team 7 in the end because it just seemed right at the time. Also, I'm not fond of the idea of member shuffling or 4 man teams. Everyone, including team 7, seems to nicely fit in exactly where they are.

Please Review.

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	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but my ideas are mine. It's fine if you want to write divergence or submit omake, but you can't make a profit out of it! (Yeah, I'm that cocky now.)

Happy Thanksgiving! Well, I was two days late, so it's a little belated.

* * *

Chapter 15

Outset to Hell

It was a fine day. A lovely day such as this, Sakura mused, was an excellent day to die.

Of course she had no intention to die uselessly – oh no. Certainly not before she'd found Naruto, because she refused to die without him. It was he that turned her into a veritable walking time bomb and she felt it would be a cosmic wrong if he didn't reap what his carelessness sowed.

They were at one of the lesser exits of Konoha village – a small service gate installed so that the Inuzuka (who's compound touched this wall) would not have to go far in order to partake in some good, old fashioned, hunting and bonding in the wild.

With Sakura was her beloved Sasuke-kun. He was standing in the corner with his spiky hair and his aloof, 'leave me alone' pose. He was feeling particularly happy today Sakura observed – and only she could observe it because he was secretive with his feelings like that and she was rather (ahem) accustomed to watching him.

After the initial attempted glomp and inevitable faceplant – oh he was a sly one, that Sasuke-kun – she eventually supposed that his good humor just didn't extend into the touchy-feely region this morning.

After a period of silence, he gave her a "Hn?" and she felt certain that only she could have discerned the question mark in that grunt – and was proud for it.

"Oh these?" She gestured to the attire which troubled her so. She had a sachel which was quite functional but far too big and excessively plain she thought. She wore a belt on which six troubling scrolls were now vertically strapped in to. She also had two extra pouches at the back of it and the whole ensemble was so out of place on her outfit that she desperately wished she had found the time to dye the belt red – or at least pink – why, even white! "Naruto-kun gave it to me. Well," she corrected herself, "his sister did."

Sasuke eyed the scrolls.

"Naruto-kun gave me _those _too." Sakura explained. "But I really wish he didn't"

A bishonen eyebrow raised.

"I know they look like FMSTs, but they're not." Sakura explained. "They just look like it."

"Hmph."

"You're so right, Sasuke-kun. It really _is _something stupid. Um, it..." she struggled with herself. "Well, it's really dangerous." She'd been fingering them the whole time, she realized, as if one of them might just come loose of her belt, drop to the ground, and destroy everything within a quarter mile diameter.

Sasuke gave her a stare. The Uchiha Sasuke Fanclub had long since categorized it as a type three – inquisitive type.

"Um," She blushed demurely she hoped – because she was a maiden of course. "Well I got them because they're supposed to help me be stronger and I thought that you might like that."

This evoked another eyebrow raise and Sakura restrained a squeal as this one was yet undocumented (oh, how she sympathised with Tsunade-sama's policy on cameras now), but then again she'd decided to play it cool today. She held herself back even as Sasuke turned away.

This provoked inner Sakura in all the wrong ways. _Oh, he __**is **__a sly one, that guy. Oooh, I just want to eat him up! One of these day's I swear I'm going to find a locked room where I can tie him up and – and I can admit that I don't know what I'll do then but with enough books I think I can figure something out. Fufufu! Oh, the joys of __**learning!**_

_Oh shut up, me_, regular Sakura scolded mentally, _you're such a pervert._

_Well... _inner Sakura reasoned, _it takes one to __**be**__ one._

Sakura paused, and had to really roll that one around in her head for a rebuttal.

At that time team 8 arrived. Because the gennin involved here were inexperienced , it was decided that there would be two teams assigned to the mission so that their cumulative experience would be decent, if their individual ones were not.

That and unknown to people outside the Hyuuga compound, Hinata had become near-hysterical at hearing that Naruto would be leaving for another country so soon (his status as a Konoha resident was not nearly as concrete as she would have liked) and downright murderous when she heard it was Water Couontry that wanted him (she had a particular caution against Naruto being around the place and it's nobility).

A few string-pulls later and there you go. Haishi was betting _something_ would happen on this mission to… do… something with Hinata's attitude – glorious or terrifying he couldn't say. To be honest, his late wife had been both and the recent revelation that Hinata might take after her in that respect made it rather imperative that whatever personal revelation she experienced, she experienced it as far from his physical person as he could manage.

Greetings were exchanged. Hinata apologized for holding up their team, bowed, took one look at Sakura's belt, blanched in mild shock and terror, and silently gave a wide breadth when she walked around Sakura by an arm-length.

That just made other people curious – but they were interrupted.

"Heey, sorry I'm late!" Naruto greeted, waving. "Is Kakashi-sensei here," Naruto asked, familiar with his teacher's habits, "or are we going to have to burn all of his perverted hangouts down until we find him?"

"I'm here!" Kakashi coughed, materializing from god knows where. "You violent little child."

"Great. Give." Naruto held his hand out.

"... What?"

Naruto 'tsk'ed. "Don't be difficult."

"Here's mine, Naruto-kun," Sakura offered, handing over a folder.

"Hn," Sasuke gave his as well.

"It took a while. Sorry Naruto-kun," Hinata gave four, "but this is for our team."

Naruto glanced at Akamaru, Kiba's dog and companion. "And Akamaru's?"

"Um, it's in Kiba's folder."

Sakura frowned. "Do you really need all of our medical files, though? We had a health-check as part of the graduation exam. We should be immune to almost all poisons and most diseases."

"Is it necessary?" Naruto echoed hollowly. "You're really asking that? We have eight people and a dog!" the boy cried. "And how many medical ninja? Just me!" he ran his hand through his hair. No one really understood his frustration – but then it seemed to be one of those professional peeves, they thought. "You have no idea where we're _going_, do you? You probably read the description in the book, but that's it, huh? Listen: that country is… well, it's hell. For us in medicine, it's really hell. You've _seen _the map. It's a _tiny _collection of _tiny _islands way away from _all _land. They have a huge population and nowhere to put themselves, much less their waste or their farms. And if that was all, it would still be pretty bad." He frowned harshly, his gaze becoming listless – his distaste bleeding into his voice. "But the air, the water, Hygene, nutrition, poverty, waste disposal, border control for disease, it's all junk." The blond glared at something only he saw.

Sakura and Hinata found the sight of a truly upset face their normally rambunctious mutual friend so unsettling that they shuffled themselves away from his glare's meaningless path.

"Yeah," he continued with a hint of anger, "_junk's_ the word. I'm sure they use that _exact_ term too, those aristocratic _bastards_." He shook his head and his anger, clearing both. "Look, you wouldn't understand until we get there Sakura-chan. And hey, when we get there you'll honestly understand whether you want to or not – but whatever. It's just hell, okay? We throw smart people – _really _smart, really _good _people at it. We throw vaccines, inoculations, food programs, contraceptives, shoes, wells, and hell even _flyers _and stuff_. _No matter what we do, the damn country's just _always sick_. And not just normal sick." Naruto enforced. "Sick with diseases with names that would keep your parents up at night. And you know what? Screw it." Naruto decided suddenly, addressing Kakashi "If you don't want to give me your med-file," he puffed, "then hell, maybe we can get a sensei that isn't such a pervert after you finish excreting yourself to death when you've got something terminal and I don't know enough to help."

It was surprising what a good rant did for people's willingness to overlook his status as a kid, Naruto mused, because he didn't even know when he got his sensei's folder.

"Well then let's go!" Naruto hopped into the back of the waiting wagon. Kakashi sighed, having not even gotten the chance to explain the intricacies of their mission.

It was stunning, Kakashi mused. When Naruto wasn't around, it seemed that nothing happened at all and when he was present events seemed to transpire at light-speed.

The lazy Jounin Henge'd, using the illusion to modify his image of the average everyday merchant and went to the driver's seat, taking up the reins of their two horses. Of course he'd been planning to give Naruto his file from the start – that's why he'd _brought _it. Hinata had probably had to convince her teammates and even her sensei, but Kakashi knew well the terror of Water country. He was just still angry at the blonde brat for endangering his Icha Icha that one time. But the kid was exceptional – for a kid. He sounded experienced at least. So was that why they asked for a Houou? They want the best – no, then they would have asked for Tsunade. Any Houou implied some sort of family healing technique – one of the many the hadn't been shared with the village yet.

And he was again reminded that this was a child embedded in medicine before he'd ever gone to school. No. His school had been medicine.

And as scary as the Tai and Ninjutsu sections of his profile might look for a gennin, he vividly recalled the iijutsu section of Naruto's statistic pentagram.

An enormous red question mark and a note at the bottom:

_We have no concrete idea, but half our doctors want to kill him and the other half just call him 'sensei'. That's some serious shit right there._

He'd just have to put such thoughts aside, he decided as he found Kurenai beside him now in the image of his 'supposed' wife.

Time to depart.

Six gennin sat inside a wagon. They departed Konoha from a ninja-only area (Inuzika compound) to try and keep the mission hush-hush. Likewise, if they were stopped by anybody the gennin were to assume images of common folk with Henge.

Naruto had a cookie in one hand (apparently Hinata brought cookies) and Akamaru's file in the other – man that dog was well looked after. He had more immunity building work than his owner did. Wait, partner. The Inizuka referred to them as partners.

He wasn't focusing on it though, he was debating...

Aw hell, he _did_ have to, didn't he?

Yeah, he did.

"Hey Sasuke," Naruto sighed, holding out his hand. "Truce?"

Oh no, Sasuke thought, he wasn't falling for that again. He still remembered last time.

"_All right, all right," Naruto sighed from his place half-incinerated on the ground – Sasuke had learned very quickly that holding back against Naruto was not only difficult, it was pointless. Anything under Karyuu Endan, he would __**actually**__ ignore. He used some form of chakra-based insulation, as far as he understood. "You win, I guess. It was first to three hits, after all, and that was three..." he sighed. "I guess that makes us even again. Help me up?"_

_Sasuke eyed the boy's outstretched hand wearily, and reached for it. "Hn," he supposed he could be the gracious winner this ti –SUNNOVABITCH! Did that bastard just __**pie **__him? Where did he even pull the pie __**from?**_

"And I was allergic to that pie," Sasuke glared, knowing that Naruto would get the referance. "Because you'd gotten it from a fangirl. You know what kind of things they put in food, Naruto. Calling sedatives 'love potion' is just semantics." Sasuke found himself able to talk to the blonde most easily out of everyone he knew.

The fool was a pain, to be sure. And he was also aggravating, foolish, suspicious, devious, and a generally hateable idiot.

But he was an honest idiot, in his own way. He was frank at least. And what rules he did follow, he followed straight through.

Naruto chuckled, recalling the event fondly. "Hey, I'm a medic-nin in training, aren't I? I would've fixed you up if you suddenly collapsed."

"That's a problem," Sakura interjected, stern and straight-backed, "if you give me a name, I can have them dealt with. We have a maxim against Love Potions and things of that nature."

"Woah~" Naruto was honestly impressed, and clapped softly, "as expected of the fan club president – you keep them on a tight leash, huh? It was that duck girl."

"It _would _be her," Sakura muttered. Member #44 had taken her shinobi education in all the wrong ways.

Naruto finished chuckling and again held his hand out – silently, solemnly. "I'm serious, Sasuke. We need this."

"Why?" Sasuke asked quietly – by virtue of his profound mystification. "It works both ways, Naruto."

"I've... seen things," the blonde began slowly – body language subdued for a change.

Hinata was instantaneously concerned.

"I've," the blonde frowned imperceptibly, "been places. Been attacked. You know?"

_Ah_, it struck Sasuke suddenly, _of course_. "...You're worried about assassins. I'll hear you out."

"It isn't like the academy, Sasuke" Naruto frowned. "There isn't always a way out – because they aren't trying to teach you. And the ones trying to kill you can be killed too – and they don't like that. Course' they don't *#&^% like that. They'll just come whenever they feel like it. In the middle of your tea, when you're asleep, on the toilet, mid-goddamn-sentence, they just don't care."

"Then the solution?"

"What I'm _trying_ to say." Naruto scowled unhappily, "is that there isn't a solution. Things can really, really suck out here. Sometimes someone needs to take the hit and if that happens," the son of Tsunade slowly pointed purposefully to himself, "I'm the one with the best odds, right?"

An immense shattering sound accompanied Naruto's statement.

Hinata laughed it off, weakly. "Oh, I – I thought of making some... some tea. I was going to make your favorite but I guess I... I slipped, sort of."

For someone who had slipped and reduced a once proud and expensive teapot to shards – which were littering her now superficially bloody hands – she sounded remarkably unconcerned. Distracted.

Hollow.

"Here," Naruto took her hands in his, "let me see them."

"No. Wait." It was probably the first time she'd refused him anything and she hadn't even stuttered – she was so absorbed in him. "I'll do it," she frowned (the first time she'd done that to him, too), "I don't want you to _**get hurt**_ Naruto-kun_._"

But the hint sailed right over his head. He fixed her up quickly with ijutsu and although when he asked if she were fine now she just stared and frowned at him again, he shrugged and continued talking to Sasuke.

Sakura wasn't sure if she should be shocked at her friend's insensitivity or not, but she felt exasperation and pity for certain. She also felt fear. She noted that the teapot had been broken without any particular technique or body movement – it was raw spontaneous gripping power.

Most people don't realize it about the Hyuuga, but there was just something about jabbing one's fingers into wood, muscle, and bone four to eight hours a day that strengthened them.

"I'm the most suited to taking the hit," Naruto repeated, "but I'm still the only damn ninja with medical training. I'll have to patch _myself _up."

Sasuke closed his eyes, and sighed, "So you need someone to fight while you're down."

"If it's someone to occupy the enemy..." Naruto frowned.

He was right, Sasuke knew immediately. He'd be very good at that regardless of the foe – because he was born perceptive, flexible, and swift.

Naruto knew that too, for the same reason Sasuke knew that no one else could survive what Naruto would simply walk away from.

Because they detested each other.

"The three of us," Naruto indicated his team, "we need each other."

He held out his hand once more. "I want you to watch my back, and Sakura's. I'll watch yours, too. Even the atrocious hair. Ok, well maybe not the _hair_. But I'll definitely look out for most of the rest of your bodily person. You can take that to the _bank_."

Sasuke resisted the inherent urge to escalate that hair comment. He analyzed the offer, and found himself torn.

He couldn't fathom what he'd realistically need from Sakura that he couldn't provide for himself with a little effort, but it was apparent that she was inherent in the deal.

And he just plain didn't like it.

He wasn't like Naruto, who disliked being the stranger

He rather enjoyed being alone. It was infinitely better than being with company that pestered and obstructed you – as almost everyone seemed to do.

And when you were surrounded by people who were determined to either outright use you or force you into their private image of… of whatever tragic soap opera story they were after.

In comparison, a life of solitude was rather pleasant.

But then, he had to survive - _**had**_ to survive – and what Naruto said made sense.

He observed the blonde carefully, and was surprised by what he saw.

The medic-in-training was frowning imperceptibly. His brows furrowed. His eyes squinted. And because this put Sasuke on edge, he was the first to register the whisper – laced with disbelief.

"get down"

Sakura, for her part, blinked. "Did you say something?"

Hastily, the blonde pushed her to the floor with his left hand even as he reeled back his right. "_**GET DOWN!**_"

Kiba was asleep and _already_ laying down. Sasuke was down, body tucked and hands over his neck, swearing that this had better not be a prank. Hinata in her characteristic, implicit trust of anything bearing Naruto's Stamp of Approval™, was already pressed to the floor and braced for come what may. Shino was a thoughtful person, and had supposed there might be times when quick action could save his life – and was diving for the floor before he heard a characteristic yelp. He would later pay for the half-second more he spent scooping Akamaru into his chest but he, again, was a thoughtful person. He had his priorities.

The floor shattered beneath Naruto's chakra-laden fist, causing his fellows to fall down whether they honestly wanted to or not. But the carnage that followed next…

… was not explicitly caused by God-Hand.

x-Concurrently-x

"Geez, what was Hokage-sama thinking? I applied because Hinata insisted," disguised Kurenai sighed, "but I never thought we would be approved for this."

"Well don't worry about it." Kakashi placated. "I can't explain here but Hokage-sama is Hokage-sama, after all" he said wistfully. "He wouldn't let us go without adequate protection." He raised an eyebrow at his comrade's fidgeting body language. "What is it?"

"Ah, no." Kurenai waved him off. "I don't think it's anything, just… a bad feeling, kind of."

Now there were a few ways that Kakashi could take that, he thought. It could simply be paranoia. It could be new-mission jitters. They were escorting pretty high-profile kids, after all.

Yes, normal things like that

But his luck wasn't _that_ good.

…Shit. He swore to himself. So soon? Kurenai was an excellent operative, but she lacked experience. She should work on understanding her worth better.

Genjutsu specialists like her, at her level, all had an unprecedented sixth (chakra) sense.

"Is the feeling going away?" he asked solemnly.

Kurenai didn't respond. Her brow furrowed. Something, something…

Her eyes widened in shock and she bolted to her feet. "**Jump!** Wait – the children!" she cried.

The elder Jounin had literally nothing to go on but his ally's hysterics, but in his line of work you listened to your alarms or you died. Someone of Kurenai's qualifications was more than enough. He roughly seized his fellow sensei by the waist and leapt for his life directly six feet up.

"The children!"

"You have to save –" yourself first, he was going to say. But a haunting howl drowned him out and in the next moment he was as a leaf in the wind – cast violently aside.

Distantly, he noted Kurenai detach herself from him, and brace herself for impact right before slamming into a tree.

He himself regained his bearings from his place on the ground. His very first action was to discretely prepare a kwamwari.

A beast? There was a howling, and the crunching sound of fangs – no, that's wrong.

He realized as he saw the aftermath, that it was only one fang – and no beast.

A fang of wind then – they had dodged it but the mere pressure displacement in its wake had tossed them like ragdolls and cast them to the earth.

The brief crunching sound would be the total destruction of the caravan and the surrounding trees. And that drawn, bloody smear was –

Well, he'd have to think about that later – the mark was sizable, yes, but thin. That was only the blood for one person.

Secure the survivors first.

Kurenai was terrified. Of course she was a kunoichi. Of course she put her life on the line weekly. Daily, at the worst.

Of course she was a hardened combatant. Of course she knew that sacrifices needed to be made, the ultimate one included – had signed a waiver for it last week, in fact. She was a soldier.

Of course she was.

Of course.

But the children!

Not the children.

'Too soon,' kept repeating in her mind – and it was all she could think of. 'Too soon.'

When she collided with an invisible division in the air, she railed at it in what she would later like to think not as feminine fury… but an even more basic, genderless need.

They have a right, it said. They have a right to live a little more. A right to experience more of the life being a ninja meant before they decided to sign the paper she had – or not.

They weren't ready – they were really just discovering what it was about! They just weren't part of this yet! It was just too_** soon**_**!**

Kakashi observed his comrade with a quarter-effort even as he ran up to her and focused on the barrier before them. Yes, she was green. He'd have to watch her closely. She let her emotions control her and she became far too attached to her group far too quickly.

He observed the situation inside with half-effort (the last quarter of his attention was paid to his surroundings). A lithe, pale, robed man must have descended wile they recovered and quickly set up their barrier. He was at the focal point. He was indisposed in maintaining the field.

But there was an enormous… a veritable giant atop the invisible dome as well. He seemed to be waiting to enter the dome from up there. Bronzed skin. Muscled to absurdity. He looked more a bodybuilder than a ninja, until Kakashi glimpsed his face.

That was the calm face of a veteran man.

How concise. The old 'shooting fish in a barrel' strategy. Damn them, but they were good…

But that also meant there were fish left to shoot. Regardless, he had to neutralize the giant before he entered the barrier by whatever means he was plotting

"Kurenai!" he shook the Jounin. "Kurenai, collect yourself! This barrier is – " His hearing interrupted him. _Warning. Shuriken incoming._

Damn!

He spun around and deflected the first barrage in what he hoped would be a very short-lived battle.

Kiba, being that he'd been sleeping and subsequently laying down and in a limber state to begin with, but mostly just plain lucky, emerged from under the wood chippings with the only a few scratches and a single, throbbing headache.

"Okay." He said, observing his destroyed and scattered surroundings. "What. The. Fu–"

"**Hnng!**" Shino grunted as he attempted to pull himself out from under what remained of the wagon's axel. He'd been unlucky. The metal rod, being far from the point of passing of the technique had not been flung as hard, but it had also stayed intact and crushed the gennin's right arm. Being the least well positioned at the critical time, he'd also been flung the hardest – too hard even to roll properly with the force of the technique – and victimized by the greatest amount of shrapnel.

"Dude!" Kiba exclaimed, rushing instantly to his companion's side and, once there, knowing not at all what he should be doing with himself. "H-Hey, I… Hold on, I'm going to get this thing off of you! Jezus, it's – Hey, help! Some - Somebody! Anybo - ough. Anybody!" He almost threw up. There was blood everywhere – he prayed that it wasn't all from Shino himself. He _disbelieved _that _all that _could be from Shino himself. "Naruto!" he gasped in realization – and it was like a revelation from a book. The sky opened up with his hope. His spirits soared irrationally. "Where is that idiot?" He laughed. It was such nonsense that he laughed, and his voice cracked with an emotion he didn't care to explore but then nothing made sense anymore. And he only had time for Shino. "At a time like this! You're going to be c-cool, Shino. We're gonna' – gonna' laugh at this later. It'll be like... The chicks'll dig us man. The scars will be smexy and we'll be all t-tough and jaded and have ha-hazard-pay to party with too and, and, an…" Kiba choked off – the words died. That arm was barely attached. Mysterious ivory shards protruded through the flesh like some kind of, of… and human tissue was not meant to compress that way. It wasn't!

And the **blood.**

**The blood!**

"Get over here Naruto! **Naruto!**"

The sensation of flying was actually quite incredible. If he wasn't busy focusing ever ounce of chakra he could convert into keeping this jutsu from blowing straight through him, he might have found the sensation a bit of a thrill.

As it was he was riding the front of the blade – literally balanced on the edge of life an death, one could say – being blown backwards at speeds upwards of 70km/h. His hands – so used to channeling inhuman levels of chakra for destruction – and his legs –used to inhuman levels in order to keep him stationary when unleashing said destruction – served him well as he gripped what he could of the broad of the blade like a demented kamikaze samurai monkey.

God. Damn. Assassins.

* * *

_Omake – _Academy Hijinks

One would have to be there to understand.

Normal schools with a food program or a canteen or a dining hall were a hustle and bustle of loud, noisy, pushy, hungry masses.

Take that, and add _subterfuge_. Multiply it by ninjutsu. Square it by taijutsu, and you can approximate what it was like.

No one displayed wall-walking, but bodies hung plastered to the ceiling with questionable substances. Every window was broken. Bunshin held places in line and there was hell to pay if they were found out. Knife wars, fork wars, and even _spork _wars randomly erupted over trivial matters. There was a little place in the back left corner where, if one had the necessary contraband to trade, every exam in every class for every academic year but the last could be attained. People would be subdued under the cloak of a distraction or genjutsu - not to be found until three days later - just so that imitations could be used to take their place in line. Juice was spiked with alcohol. Food was spiked with pepper. And pepper, also, was spiked with alcohol.

This inevitably just made things worse.

It was chaos.

And for the record, no one had yet managed to deduce what the alcohol was spiked with – Naruto had his suspicions but he was honestly too terrified of being right to investigate.

Uchiha Sasuke entered the room and immediately the hustle and bustle paused.

It did this because about thirty female academy students from various years poured in after him ready to enforce the aforementioned silence.

Sasuke refused to let his irritation show - he would not give them that victory - and approached the canteen silently.

Without even needing to speak, he found his order before him, the normally tough and gruff canteen lady attempting to smile kindly and called him 'dear'.

She didn't even know him. None of these people knew him - it was easy to tell by the tumult around him.

"Sasuke-kun likes that bread because his mother did _this_" or "no, because of _that_." or any number of wild stories - as they decided on everything else about his past and his character.

To be honest, he just liked sweet food.

But if he told them that - and he'd attempted before, in a moment of temporary madness of his - and he'd been labeled as 'shy' or 'understandable', as if he were diverting attention from his _true _and _tragic _reason.

Oh, not to worry they had said. They'd keep his 'secret' and they 'respect his private reasons'.

They'd fabricated the secret, the reasons, and the shyness for _themselves_. And damned if those 'secrets' weren't the talk of the academy by fifth period.

And Naruto called _him _arrogant. Pah.

Sasuke this, Sasuke that. Everywhere he went. It made him sick. Sasuke's hair. His past, his future. It was infuriating.

Why sasuke, sasuke, sasuke?He didn't want to hear 'Sasuke'!

He wanted to hear Uchiha!

The Uchiha were diligent, swift, adaptable, quick studies, and knew how to take charge.

He was all of those as well - he had strived for it _because _he was an Uchiha. He _represented _the Uchiha - was the _clan head_! He showed them _results _of a _true_ Uchiha because that was what Uchiha _did _- they did _results_.

Did he hear that the Uchiha must have been swift? That they were brilliant? Leaders? Diligent? Nothing! Where was the talk of _their _past? Their history – their _future_?

The praise he heard was none of that but of his most superfluous qualities. His _silence_? That was worthy of praise? He could breathe a fireball the size of a house if he put his mind to it and no one said a thing.

A 'fangirl' praised his taijutsu scores. He ignored her. Hollow words from hollow intentions, from a person that had never even _wanted _to understand anything of what his achievements actually meant.

Naruto entered the cafeteria, late by merit of his daily mid-day detention and unlike with Sasuke the crowd did not part for him – but he forced his way through just as quickly.

He hailed Sasuke jovially. "Hey, Ass-uke. How's it going? Your keepers let you out here?" He referred, of course, to the fangirls.

They quite loudly didn't appreciate that.

"I left my bentou" Naruto said simply. "So listen, I know we've had our differences in the past but we're classmates, yeah? I mean, I'm just joking around when I point out how you hit like a girl. And really, I couldn't make fun if it wasn't true. It's not _my _fault your wrists are so limp."

With the butterknife, Sasuke decided in a red haze. He'd kill him with the butterknife – just to embarrass him.

"Whaddya' say, good buddy. You could probably get another one in like, five seconds."

"No." Sasuke coldly denied.

"I'll… buy it from you?"

"No."

"Have a match for it?"

Sasuke froze. "Stakes?"

Naruto puzzled this. "Uh, winner gets the pot?" he offered, tossing his book beside Sasuke's

Now, Sasuke had no need for that book: advanced critical care or some such.

But Naruto had.

He would miss it.

When he attained a new one, he would remember the stinging defeat he would today experience.

Sasuke grinned inwardly much more than outwardly – it was still a cocky, aggravating thing.

His fanbase swooned anyways.

"No Ninjutsu." He insisted as he stood.

"Yeah, we're inside" Naruto agreed. "Other than that, no rules."

"Done."

"Shake on it?" Naruto proffered his hand.

Now two things caused Sasuke to pause. One: when a _properly _trained shinobi says 'no rules' he meant '_no rules_' in ways that would cause con-artists to be revolted, terrified, enraged, and just plain _disgusted_.

Two: Naruto was being far too civil.

Sasuke stared at the offending hand and was hesitant. Naruto was a grappler, in a way. In truth, he was actually a striker – like Sasuke – but without the technique of a striker. Without the fluidity. The art.

Sasuke liked to think of him as an elephant. The elephant: the undisputed most powerful land-based creature in the world, yet not actually built for combat. Bulky… awkward. And most damning of all? An herbivore.

Not _truly_ a fighter.

Naruto would sometimes compensate for his artlessness with tactics that destroyed a person's mobility, such as grappling.

Sasuke had even taken to wearing an extra long sleeve jacket to school, that he could shed it if it were grasped.

Because once that person caught your wrist by skin contact, no earthly force would remove him.

Rather, it was your wrist that would first be removed.

"Fine" Naruto scowled, bowing instead – shallowly. Seeing Sasuke still not move, he scowled and stood straight again. "What, Uchiha don't bow?" he mocked.

_They do_. Sasuke thought, and grit his teeth. _When tradition dictates._ Woodenly, seethingly, he did so. "Houou don't bow?" he spat venomously back.

"Heh" Naruto obliged with another bow – yet he didn't.

It had the vague beginning of a bow but actually there were key pieces missing for his action to be called that.

It lacked a feeling of respect, form, tradition, or contact of both feet with the ground.

And it was really too swift and volatile of a thing.

And one did not launch forwards with a bow.

Although one did with a headbutt.

Sasuke collapsed and saw stars, swearing loudly. "**Naruto,** you –"

The fangirl horde surged. "What a cowardly thing to do!" "Get back here with Sasuke-kun's lunch!"

"We said the winner takes the pot!" Naruto cried, dodging angry girls left and right. He vaulted over a tabletop and cackled. "I have the pot! That means I win!"

"**Naruto!**" Sasuke raged, regaining his bearings at last. He stood and sought his quarry with a hawkish gaze. Naruto had left.

"What a cowardly trick to pull!" a fangirl to his right exclaimed. "That's so disgusting. What a cheater!"

Sasuke was the quiet type. He bothered speaking with few people, much less his fangirls.

So maybe it was the daze he was still in. Maybe it was rage that loosened his tonge. Maybe it was just that he'd been having a _really _bad day.

"Don't be _stupid_!" Sasuke momentarily lost control of his voice – he didn't care. "How do you cheat a game with _no rules?_" He held his throbbing head in self-disappointment as much as in pain. "Winner takes the pot; the one with the pot is the winner. Guh! It's… fine as shinobi logic." He grit his teeth. "**Damn him.**"

He spoke to himself more than the girls around him. He honestly didn't care what they thought. Pride dictated that he always win but before that, it dictated that he needed no freebies.

Damn that Naruto! He had been _played_.

"But it didn't start?" A brave brunette fangirl protested – it was strange to disagree with her idol. She felt that something must be going very wrong. "I mean, there was no handshake and only Sasuke-kun bowed!"

"_Of course he __**bowed!**__"_ Sasuke bit out, berating himself with the realization. That there were people to overhear his anger was incidental. "_He bowed __**just fine**__!_"

"You mean back before the headbutt? But that doesn't – how can that possibly count?"

"It counts as round _one_. Hand me that butter knife." He gathered himself and ordered.

"What for?"

"Round _two_."

This wasn't over yet. His vision was filled with 'cutely' offered breadrolls, but he only had eyes for one. At the end of the day, his superiority would be proven. His trophy would be earned.

And it would indeed be _sweet_.

* * *

A/N:

Wha... did I just? Oh yeah, I **did**. Cliffhanger no-jutsu!

Sorry. I'm just trying it out.

By the way, handling the kiba/shino scene was also very awkward for me. Tell me what you think about that one.

Super long omake was super long. Can't help it. The more I wrote, the more I found I could get away with some interesting backstory without, like, doing a sappy dramatic flashback somewhere. Laying the form of my brand of Sasuke is actually the hardest I've had it with any characters.

I actually don't personally _like _Sasuke. Like many that follow the TFF forums I have a disposition to dislike him. But then, that is largely due to what kishimoto did with him. From the basic premise of what he is and with a good deal of tweaking, I can make a decent addition to the Team 7 dynamics.

On the bright side, there's really only a handful of things to pass over before Team 7 is fully laid out as a character group.

I've been really happy with my writing lately. I do agree with some of my reviewers in that I think I have improved much from where I started. If I could do Tsunade's Heir over again, it would be a more polished and believable tale. But I never liked it when my preferred authors would redo a story, effectively putting its progress _way _back. I attribute my growth to practice, practice, my forays into different writing styles with "I Just Want A Vacation" and "Shippuden Complaint", practice, reviewers that have helped me fine-tune what worked very well and what was lacking, practice, and insight gained by reading the awesome fanfiction that's out there with a critical eye. Great fanfiction is really great. (Crappy fanfiction is really crappy. But then, we all start somewhere.)

Special props to my father and step-mother for their aid with medicinal knowledge. I'll give them a shoutout by name if they don't mind.

Review, please.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Nothing to say

* * *

Houou Naruto Chapter 16

Shizuka

It couldn't stay like this, Naruto thought. He wouldn't be able to mould much more chakra – he had the raw materials and the control, yes, but even _his_ pathways had their limits. They just weren't meant to channel chakra at this rate for a sustained period. He could feel his system scram out in protest. He could imagine his heart and lungs in particular – which were particularly taxed in the energy generation process – picketing and objecting their treatment emphatically.

And if they decided to go on strike, then hell, he was dead.

Now that the wind blade had begun to decelerate, Naruto was eager to dismount one way or another. Taking the gamble, he gave a horrific lurch – conscious of the fact that in doing so the abused bicep muscles in his right arm tore in the action. Thankfully the lurch transformed into him rolling himself over the top side of the blade, managing to only scrape minimally on the edge.

Of course he may or may not have lost a nipple in the process, but that was a rather negligible all things considered.

Yet rather than simply rolling over it or flying off, Naruto experienced the cruel technique's true terror. The world spun, flipped, spun once more, and compressed in seemingly random directions. For the technique's blade was designed only to ensure that bothersome obstacles did not slow progress long, and to act as the decoy.

Beside the blade was a tumult of violent crosswinds that were designed for a great deal of fury over a much larger, less noticable, area of effect.

And so Naruto found himself ejected from the jutsu's purposeful madness at terminal speeds.

_Oh look, _dazed and dizzy Naruto distantly appreciated from fifty feet in the air, _I can see my house from here_.

As Naruto landed, bounced, landed again and scraped to a halt, it was only thorough last-second reinforcement (that's it, his system cried, you're done after this. No more molding for you), his experience riding three story toads, and flying 'damnit, kaa-chan airways' that saved him from the vertigo.

So rather than throwing up extensively he could focus on urging his lungs to working. His heart beating. His consciousness intact.

But he was losing that battle. He was losing very, _very_ hard.

He knew this because his body was his temple. No, it was more. It was his precious self-constructed house.

He knew every nook and every cranny. Every artery and every muscle. He could literally feel them out and so he knew: he wouldn't be in fighting shape any time soon.

He fought the urge to pass out, but he must be having one of _those _days

Because he was losing.

_I'll have to risk it. _

He began his invocation. Words of hypnotic power - guidelines for the soul.

_My seal._

_My inheritance._

_My __**genesis**__._

_Hear me._

_Sub_-a_rray five, route A. _

_Runtime: 900 seconds._

_Set._

_Activate._

…

_Wait, I should call Sasuke and the others first. They –_

Violently, unconsciousness clubbed him over the head and took him.

* * *

Sasuke gathered his senses while still tucked up beneath some rubble or other (he couldn't quite discern what it was, but there was an inordinate amount of wood chips) and was pleased to find himself relatively injury free. Being already coiled, it was a simple matter to gather his returning strength and quickly launch himself from the pile. He was a black blur as he threw himself out of his (possible cover) at a mostly horizontal angle. And as he met the ground soon after, he transformed his escape into a roll, stopping only when he had his back to a stump and a kunai in his hand.

He still felt insecure.

What had _done _that to them? What power! He scanned left and right. He noted the stump he used as cover was barely sufficient in its size, despite the mighty height the redwood must have held previously.

"Sasuke-kun! Help!"

Now Sasuke would recognize that voice anywhere and not for lack of trying to forget. He had heard it far more frequently than he would have liked (not at all).

Sakura.

_Ignore her _came the knee-jerk instinct. _Turn around and run for your sanity. The fangirl cometh._

Rejected. He didn't have that option anymore.

Naruto had taken it. He'd saved Sasuke's life. The deal hadn't been struck but Naruto had paid his share without consent. Presumptuous.

…Shit.

Sasuke refused to be left owing the idiot anything.

Soon he was by her side, tensed. They were in a ridiculously unfeasible position. Out in the open on the unfamiliar debri laden dirt road, trees cleaved in a fat line that left them ten absurd seconds from any form of cover and doubtless in clear view of whatever had sniped them with that futon.

But as for Sakura, for once she wasn't instantly absorbed in him. Her eyes were on the downed bug user. Surprisingly she wasn't in tears. Her face a mask of stone.

She was clinging to her mental training – she was in shock.

These people were not his concern, and in fact there was nothing he could do for the bug user that Sakura hadn't managed with her intermediate knowledge of standard first aid.

All that was left was to pray, if one was into that sort of thing, and look after oneself.

And Sasuke **had** to survive.

Kiba was sobbing. "Shino! Shino, you mime idiot, are you going to die a virgin man? Hang on! Hang – Just hang on!" _Just hang on!_

_What was that?_ Sasuke involuntary touched his temple. What a time for a headache.

"Don't you die on me!" _Don't die on me!_

"Hang on damnit!" _Hang on!_

"How could this _happen_? Shino!" _Mamoto!_

_Mamoto, just wait! I – the doctors... not you too? Mamoto! Who did this to you? How could this happen? You never even got your Sharingan. You're just a baker with a stupid smile! Mamoto!_

_No!_

"No."

"Sasuke-kun?"

What? Right. "Can't you do something, Sakura?"

"I'm not Naruto-kun," Sakura … almost pleaded desperately. "I don't – I took _intermediate_ **first aid**! I don't know any ijutsu and all I had with me were some b-bandages. I..." Sakura's face twitched uneasily, her carefully structured composure deteriorating. "I d-don't have anything to _work_ with!"

Sasuke's long forgotten detective instinct roared to life.

Because that's what Uchiha did.

They did results.

They _fixed _things.

Medicine. Naruto carried medicine on his person – always – but that he wasn't here was precisely the problem.

Still, he had been so vehement about Water Country's dangers. Surely he came prepared for the worst?

But he hadn't – not visibly. He didn't come with so much as a backpack.

That can't be right. He would bring more. An enormous amount. And he wouldn't have carried the delicate medicines himself, anyways. He expected to be hit. Or burnt. Or a thousand other things. No, he wouldn't carry them. And he was clever. His whole _family_ was –

Yes.

His _**family**_.

The _satchel_. The satchel Naruto's _**sister**__, _a medical genius had given to _Sakura. _

_Back line Sakura! _Who _never_saw any _action_ and was _meticulously cautious_ and _always_close by.

"Where's your satchel?" Sasuke demanded.

Alarmed by the urgency in Sasuke's voice. Sakura numbly showed it to him.

He immediately up-ended it. Foodstuffs, cosmetics, and general combat provisions poured out in a jumble.

He ignored everything pink.

_This can't be all_, Sasuke thought and raided the inside of the empty bag. Some kind of secret hatch. Some flap of cloth covering a storage seal array. Some...

Water? No. No...

Tears.

Sakura was looking in too. She was a booksmart girl. Maybe she understood what he was doing.

And she was crying.

Yes, she had never seen blood like this before. Real blood spilled in the real way. It was worthy of tears. Five years of mental preparation don't keep the sting from hurting the first time you're faced with reality. They just let you persevere.

The helplessness Kiba and Sakura felt. No... even the helplessness Sasuke himself felt beside Momoto the baker all those years ago….

They were all the same.

So it was expected that Sakura would be crying.

Yes, of course the tears would be hers.

Because _he _certifiably didn't cry. Never again.

But he used to. So he could understand. So he could respect the act enough to turn away.

And in fact he almost missed it: like a miracle, the truth of the satchel was revealed.

Sasuke found himself laughing at the strangeness of it. Water soluble paint for camouflage? Ridiculous.

Then Sasuke stared. A complex seal array stared back at him. "Get ready Sakura," he advised, "you're about to get more medicine than you'll know what to do with."

* * *

I see something. A white room. Unadorned. Clean. The windows were closed, the curtains drawn. The air is stale. Shit. I know what I'm looking at.

"_Kid... Kid..." _Not this dream again.

"_What's wrong, old man? Damn, bedsore again?" _ I hate this dream.

"_Kid, I'm done. I know..."_

"_Don't be stupid."_ Goddamnit._ " You're not. Not yet. 'Dying' is a verb. It means there's death at the end."_ He's the one that had preached that to me. _"You're alive. You're talking to me, aren't you? Dead people don't talk. Your death isn't set, but you're sure as hell alive so you're living. Not dying. Don't you forget it."_

"_I taught you some, while your family was out. I know my body. I –know-it. I'm done."_

Don't look at the syringe old man. _"Hey, what're you…? I'm putting that away. Which idiot left that out."_

"_They left it in reach for me. It's kindness."_

Semantics. The me over there swallows. I remember why. My stomach had frozen over. Euthanasia. _"Euthanasia. That's murder."_

"_It's suicide."_

It's murder. Kind murder._ "You're not in your right mind. You know that. You aren't in a state to make that call anymore." _Maybe it's suicide sometimes. Not here. I-I think. It was all so confusing - still is.

"_I'm done."_

Back then I'd been angry. _"With -that- attitude, maybe! Kaa-chan – Kaa-chan's given up on you. __**You've **__given up on you!" _Angry at everyone. I thought they'd all gone mad. _"But I never gave up on you old man – don't you __**give up on me!**__"_ Angry at myself the most.

In the end. I... I...

"_Heh. Heh heh. You – You're a kind kid, kid. You remind me... God, you remind me of myself so much. You'll be brilliant for it. I'm... so proud. I'm... so sorry."_

I couldn't save him.

… f*cking bullshit.

…Scene change? Thank god. I don't think I can stand to experience this anymore.

Happier times.

"_Hold still Naru-chan," Tsunade urged. "This is delicate."_

"_Kaa-chan, I don't know about this. This seems like a bad idea." Little Naruto squirmed in his seat. "I mean, I never understood what this weird genesis seal was for and now you're messing with it?"_

"_I know," Tsunade sighed, "but I can't always be there to save you. I can only try. This seal was always meant to protect you when you need it. You must remember your promise to me though, that you'll only use it if there's no other way to survive. The Genesis Regeneration will… will burn your cellular life away."_

"_I really don't understand that."_

"_I don't either, brat, to be honest. I have as many questions as answers for this thing."_

"_But you still know how to make it?"_

"_Science can be funny like that. Get used to it."_

_There was companionable silence._

"_Naru-chan, about what you were saying before. .. You want to be a – a combat-medic? On the – on the front line?"_

"_Yep. I figure I'll save time on the back end if I stop people from being stupid and getting hurt."_

"_Honey, there's no such thing as a front-line medic. And I never trained you for combat in the front. That's nonsense. Who will heal the healer, if the healer runs out like an idiot? You idiot." _

"_Pft, whatever. You're just jealous that I'm such a genius. Isn't prevention better than cure? That's medicine's 'pristine strategy' anyway. If I stop people form being hurt, I won't __**have **__to heal them."_

"_That strategy's usually talking about hygiene and inoculation. I told you that __**last week**__. You're such a... And so what? If you go down, you won't be able to heal your allies."_

"_Even if I'm at my best, who says I can heal them? Medic-nin's aren't that great..."_

"_...Where's this coming from, all of a sudden?" Tsunade, startled, yelled. Her inkbrush slipped and she almost got ink in Naruto's eyes. "Since when'd you get all anti-medic on me? It's that idiot Jiraiya with his flashy jutsu isn't it? Bastard."_

"_No. But there's things I can't do anything about. I... I get that, now. Kind of. But there's no point being a healer if what I do can't save people. The hell's up with that?"_

"_...It wasn't your fault" Tusnade whispered suddenly – tenderly. "The best of us couldn't have seen that coming. There was no time, Naru-chan, and if there was there still wouldn't be an answer. He lived long and full – longer than a cranky old coot deserved to."_

"_I saw him die."_

"_You shouldn't have. You shouldn't have run off like that. We locked you in your room for a reason."_

"_He was __**my**__ patient, too. He might have needed me for... for something. And it doesn't matter. I'm right, aren't I? I can't heal death. I can't even try – you won't let me."_

"_Hell yes I won't let you. You're just inventive, crazy, and __**lucky **__enough to succeed. That can never be allowed to happen. Never. If you start to be tempted by that path… it will drive you mad. And you'll fight with that temptation forever."_

"_Well… So I'll protect them – whoever I'm with. With medicine or myself or whatever. I'll keep them alive – so that I actually have something to heal. I won't let there be any excuses. I'll be strong enough."_

"_Enough for what? Where does it end? Jounin? Kage? Enough to rule the world? What you want is crazy, and there isn't a ceiling to the need. Ninjutsu and summons are fine for a medic-nin but the front line and the role of the healer exist in different paradigms. Even God-Hand is not a technique of Taijutsu, but more of strategic force. I wonder if you really understand how good you'll have to be..."_

"_I... I dunno'. Just... enough. Enough that I don't lose anyone I care about. To anything."_

"_...Ugh... you're so... " Tsunaade sighed. "I've been terrible as a mother Naru-chan. I'm sorry. I raised you to be such an idiot. Such a damn fool. Somehow you ended up... ended up just like me."_

"… _I don't think there's anything wrong with that." Naruto disagreed. "Although I'm cuter. And smarter. And I don't suck brutally at poker. I could probably go on."_

"_You damn brat! Ingrate! I should... by god I have no idea why I love you so much. I must be senile." _

"_That would explain __**so much.**__"_

"_I'll give your rude hide a gift, you idiot. These modified arrays are something Shizune and I devised for you. One of the major problems with the combat-medic idea is the blasphemy of healing your own critical wounds yourself. Madness. Mispractice. You've treated yourself for lighter injuries before – it only becomes harder as they become more severe. It's an exponential problem. These arrays I'm linking in to the Genesis seal will heal you naturally and cycle particular iijutsu equivalents through your body in particular ways, depending on the array used. So don't you dare activate the actual Genesis array."_

"_That's awesome!"_

_Tsunade puffed in pride that was only barely silent – for now. "They're static though, because all you're really doing is shunting the tasks off onto a lifeless template. It cannot adapt to a situation and so your body needs to be static too."_

"_Static. You mean... the seal will knock me asleep?"_

"_I mean the seal will freeze all your limbs in place and __**then **__it will knock you... asleep isn't the word" she mused. "Even hibernate isn't enough. You'll be normalized – almost violently. Until the cycle's done running, even if someone cuts you to ribbons you'll have sweet dreams and even breathing right until you bleed out. But it's better than nothing. It's a way to treat yourself even if your limbs are gone after the battle – That's important. Only activate them outside of battle. With this, you can be a combat-medic. Though it's still crazy."_

_Naruto blinked. "Wait a second. You designed the Genesis seal. You – __**You're**__ a combat medic!"_

"_What can I say? I was a fool once, too. Natwaki, Dan, Jiraiya, Jiji, even O – never mind. I used to have... so much that I needed to save."_

_"Now, I just have you."_

_"And you cause me as much grief as all of them combined. Yes. I'm a 'combat-medic'. And you're one too. But the only way either of us can feasibly keep that up, Naru-chan, is if we're the only ones that know what that even means."_

Hah. Good times. Bad times too. But Good times.

Yeah. Good times.

The world opened up. _$%^&*_. It was obscenely bright. But he felt good. The array worked.

But much to his surprise the wind was rushing by him. Hadn't he dismounted the futon jutsu? What the hell?

He came to alertness quickly as he checked his surroundings, blinking back the sunspots in his sleepy eyes. There: trees. About a billion or something miles away.

Straight down. **"What the hell?"**

* * *

So ended the long and convoluted fairytale of Houou Naruto, Shinken Mutoshi mused to himself. A child that had foiled some of the most meticulous up and coming hitmen and hitwomen in the business.

Akid worth_ fifty million yen_, found unconscious as death itself on the ground, picked up, and simply thrown over a ledge.

Hell of a world they lived in.

A fifty million yen head taken by an (admittedly) generic chuunin who'd abandoned his village because the _responsibilities _had been literally _too much effort_ for _not enough pay_.

Hell of a world. Wow. Seriously.

Better call the kill in. He touched his earpiece. "This is rover two. Sparrow down. Repeat: Sparrow down."

"Shinken, what the hell? You can't be serious! Where are you?"

"Sorry Shizuka. I know you had your heart set on some depraved, disgusting, possibly sacrilegious act of torture, but he's disposed of. I threw him off a cliff."

"What?"

"Hell of a world we live in, eh?"

"You – You threw him off a cliff? A **cliff? **As in, just **one **cliff? I _told you _he's a f*king **monster!** Tell me where you are!"

"Well yeah, you said the target had damage resistance. Hence the cliff. It's the longest drop in fire country, for your information. And I threw him far enough to rule out wall walking. Give me some credit here."

"No! Just shut up! Confirm it! _See _him splat!"

Sicko.

That was just plain sadistic, but Shinken would humor the woman – she was the supposed 'Naruto Expert' or some such rubbish. She 'technically' outranked him in their little patched together temp. chain of command.

Shinken stepped to the cliff edge produced a pair of binoculars.

"You know, I think he woke up right after I threw him and started spinning and he was flailing his arms around. Like a chicken. A very drunk chicken."

"Spinning? Was there a distortion in the air… like where light bends!" Shizuka clarified. "Like the area where there's thin air above a fire!"

Shinken blinked, recalling his trusty semi-photographic memory. "There might have been something like that, yeah. What's a Katon going to do? Parting shot? How tenacious." 

"It's not _thin air_, it's _heavy air_! He's gathering and hypercompressing – he's charging his futon! Didn't you read my dossier? Duck! Run! Shit! Don't you (&^%$ die before you tell me where you are! Or rather, tell me where you are right now!"

Shinken was about to comment on how _no one _had taken more than one look at the demented woman's sheaf of hastily scrawled, colofrully worded, rant-filled papers that formed a report that weighed in at an impressive 200 pages. And furthermore, Shinken had made the under jounin inter-country big-shuriken throwing finals for his weight-class back when he was a respectable shinobi, and certainly hurled the lad an impressive distance.

"I don't care how good you say he is, Shizuka. No one's going to make a snipe after just waking up while falling mid-air from that distance."

Indeed, such a feat would be nigh impossible for young Naruto – it simply required too much skill and his effective range to read chakra signatures topped long before the rapidly increasing distance produced by a shear fall.

But he had two things working in his favor. One, his chakra system was more or less back online fully. Two, he carried a rather obscure futon technique in his retinue.

A C-rank dragon to counterpart his B rank Karyuu Endan. Why? Well to stay with the theme of course. And Dragons were _so cool_. And it was only C-rank because it did not cut. A futon that did not do so was a joke after all. Without the substance of the heavier elements, a wind based push was seldom seen as a pragmatic investment – much less one that required a meaningful charge time and abhorred fan mediums.

But it was flexible. Where his fire dragon would carve a blazing arc, his wind dragon turned almost on a dime and at speeds in excess of any other element. And at certain degrees of power (as the sumo demonstrate) a push can be a rather destructive thing. It was all a matter of having the required force.

Naruto excelled at having the required force.

And if one compressed the form _enough_ – as the wind blade that had caused him grief had done – then well, couldn't one ride it? Is it really all that more difficult than water-walking? No, right?

So he did.

And while sniping from the bottom of the cliff to the top of it was beyond young Naruto and did nothing for his imminent doom...

Making rough adjustments while lining up the shot... from the pinnacle front-row seat in the gaping mouth of _his own_ futon barrelling up at a steep incline towards his enemy at breakneck speeds... was rather easy.

And as for his part, Shinken never knew what hit him.

Hell of a world he lived in, eh?

* * *

It was rather fortunate that the trees in this path had been cleaved earlier by the enemy futon, Naruto realized.

It would really suck to hit a tree at these speeds.

He smiled, thinking of his opponent all but plastered beside him in the maw of his futon. "Hey there, buddy!" he mocked through clenched teeth (he didn't want to bite his tongue). "How's the G force treating you?" For Naruto, dealing with such force was routine in his household – mandatory in fact.

Simply launching someone far enough away that they had to hail a horse and carriage to get home had long since been considered as an appropriate way with which to end a discussion in his home.

Otherwise he and his mother might never stop arguing.

Before he let go of the 'reigns' of the jutsu, Naruto forcefully pushed the angle lower and levelled it out. The last thing he needed was to be visable over the tree line for any meaningful amount of time – risky.

Naruto reached over as with his left as he felt the jutsu dying behind him, grabbing the older ninja by the throat as best he could with his smaller hand.

_Got you_. He thought victoriously.

As Naruto pushed off of the dying wind, falling purposefully to the ground, he trailed his left arm behind him – reared back to slam this foe righteously into the earth.

A crater would doubtlessly be made. His windpipe and quite possibly his spinal cord would need medical attention (fortunately, he was a medic in training). And in the worst case (if the foe was truly tough) Naruto was ready to take the gamble that a point blank God-Hand would outpace any trump card the enemy could pull.

Like an angry deity, he descended – full of fury and barely restrained might. With a roar, he was going to send the enemy straight from 'dazed' to 'crippled'

But wait.

In disbelief, he averted his plan last minute. He hit the ground first and slid the momentum out. Rather than crush his foe, he cradled him.

Because his hand, on the enemy neck, could feel the pulse.

With bioryhthems like these...

_He lost consciousness. He's... in shock? I didn't even notice before. The Gs really were too much? Maybe combined with the pain and shock..._

He analyzed the man cautiously, weary of a trick. _Come to think of it, he was facing the jutsu when it hit. The jaw of my futon was kept curved. If he molded right into it that way, his back might bend back too far. Perhaps he's even paralysed? From the waist down. No, _Naruto ran a quick diagnosis iijutsu. _From the neck. Whiplash._

That was fine with Naruto. He distanced himself quickly, scanning his surroundings as well as he could and taking solace in the foliage. _I'll look at him soon. He should __survive__ on his own for now._

Naruto prayed his comm. was still in one peice – it was. Channel A4, right?

"Come in Prez. Come in Sulk. Come in Lazy."

"Oh thank _God_!" Naruto had never heard Sakura so relieved. "Get _over_ here!"

"For the last time, those aren't _real callsigns_!" Sasuke too, despite what he said, had a note of relief. "The sensei's had their comm's targeted by the enemy. They're in an engagement and we have our own problems. What's your ETA." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Naruto sarcastically deadpanned. "Thanks for asking. I just got cut into and tossed around by a giant wind blade, then thrown off a cliff. You know," he glared at the tree in front of him. "everyday stuff. &%+ers_._ Just what do you think I am?" 

"Some kind of human-elephant-zombie combination." Sasuke replied honestly.

"... what?"

"Hinata-chan!" Naruto heard Sakura cry. "Listen, Naruto-kun is – gurk!"

"I'm gurk?" Naruto mused.

"Whoah, Hyuuga!" Sasuke never tried to placate _anyone_. What was _going on_ over there? "Easy! Back off! Sakura, I told you to stay away from her. Naruto, we're trapped in a barrier with what looks like the goddamn termin-ninja ready to drop in, and we've got one ninja and one dog down. Even if the Inuzika gets his act together, he's at half without his mutt. And because that Hyuuga saw your blood streak on the ground she's been flipping out and attacking the barrier and she stabs everything that gets in her way with her fingers - she's pretty much a write-off. I know you. You want me to keep these weepy, insane, and crippled people alive _and _fight that damn gorilla-man at the same time just because you saved my life _once_ don't you? Well you want them alive? You come _get them_ while they're alive! Get. Your. Ass. Over. **Here!**"

Naruto had been moving since he'd heard about the barrier. _I guess I'll wait till later to have a look at that missing-nin. _Sticking to the foliage was tough, but it was unknown how many reinforcements were around. _Damn, that Futon sent me far. Could I risk a toad summon, for a few big leaps to get there? No, that's too risky._ "How're the two injured?" he asked.

Sakura responded. "I think Akamaru's front legs are broken. Shino-kun's arm definitely is."

"Fracture, huh?" Not too bad. "Simple? Closed?"

Say simple, say simple, say simple.

"Shino-kun's is compound"

Well, shit.

"And multi-fragmentary."

Double shit! So the guy's bones broke so forcefully that they're out of his arm, and they've also splintered into bits?

That's the worst goddamn kind of broken bone ever.

"I-I stopped the bleeding... S-Somehow… And I bandaged it. It was really sloppy. And I think I – I think I hurt him."

"No. That was great. That's brilliant." Thank god optional first-response classes. "Yeah it hurt, but you saved his life. Try to close... No, leave it open With the debri in the air, it's as infected as it's going to get. Monitor it, steralize it, and keep him stable." 

"R-Roger."

"And try to figure that barrier out. I'll be there in five minutes."

He'd have to risk it.

Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Sheep.

Sheep?

Naruto never got to finish his summoning technique. A dark blur shot out from the tree to his right. A deceptively delicate hand clasped his fingers.

"_~Wow~_"

Naruto's eyes tracked along the outstretched arm. He knew this person. That voice, those purple robes…

"So even _Houou-sama_," the way she spat his family name out like a curse, "can be snuck up on. _Distracted_, were you~?"

That grin, which perverted an otherwise highborn and refined facade.

"Shizuka" he swore.

Instantly, Naruto channelled God-Hand (20%) to his elbow. A difficult task and 20% was his max, but to distance himself from this viper?

His hands still clasped together, he thrust an elbow out. Contacting the tree Shizuka was hiding behind, he used the kickback from the explosive force to launch himself from her grasp violently.

He rolled out the force and came to a crouching position, training his eyes on her. He had already latched onto her his quarry's chakra signature.

He wouldn't let her sneak up on him again.

Of all the assassin's he'd met in the past, why did it _have to be her? _What would it take to _ditch _this crazy b*tch? How did she even…

He'd left her in _traction_, under _arrest, _and _on the other side of the world_!

Goddamn!

…She was the same as always. Her brown eyes flitted to and fro, as restless as they were sleepless. Those purple robes with gold trims were the robes she had worn in service to her previous lord. Her auburn hair rolled itself ornately behind her head, held in place by a pair of silver chopsticks. Totally out of place for a murderer. But then she was unhinged like that.

As if killing him while dressing up like she had been in the past would let her change history.

She looked ever the refined high-class courtesan she had been, with the exception of one thing. And it had been thanks to that one thing that she no longer was.

That murderous, bat-shit insane look on her face.

"You don't give up, do you Shizuka? You working with these other guys now? I thought you weren't a team player?"

"_I threw away my pride already._" She yanked her ninja-to roughly from the tree she had lodged it halfway in. _"Or rather, you __**took it away!**__"_

Naruto was mostly focused not on what she'd said but what she'd done. It hadn't been that she'd stabbed it into the tree. She'd slashed it.

Through the _majority of the tree_.

Naruto brought a hand to his cheek. Blood. Even through his reinforcement. He'd pulled out barely in time. It wasn't force, Naruto decided as she stalked towards him. A surge had come to her actual blade. She'd used the ninja-to as a medium to project some kind of razor thin energy.

"You picked up some new tricks," Naruto observed. He was nervous, as his escape had left him in the open path where the earlier futon had cleared. The felled forms of trees and their respective stumps littered the area and left Naruto in plain sight for any old assassin passerby to pick out.

"_All for you~._" His stalker caressed the ninja-to lovingly in her hand. "_Burst damage_" she articulated succulently, savouring it. "Power, concentrated to a _fine edge_. Enough _punch _to get through even your damage resistance!" The giggle gave away her insanity. For a murderous speech...

It was far too innocent.

And ended as abruptly as it began. "_Houou-sama._" She spat as she reached into her robes.. "This time… _this time will be __**different**__._"

Now Naruto was expecting her to come equipped to fight him with a hundred different things. She had in the past.

But what looked like a textbook's worth of bound paper? Not so much. She threw it on the ground at his feet where she knew he would read it.

He did, and his blood ran cold. That… that could very well be a 'game over'.

How to slice, dice, and fry a fischcake (Naruto) by Shizuka Shinome

_Sunnovabitch! The psycho-b*tch has intel! _Naruto broke left in a dead run. _I'll have to run for it!_

Quickly, he tapped the comm. by his ear to activate it. "Sasuke, I'm going to be a bit late."

"What? Hell no, Naruto. Get your –"

Naruto glanced over his shoulders. She was gaining. Shit! "Signing off!"

"**Don't you** hang up on –"

_-Click-_

* * *

"-on me! Naruto? Naruto? Damn it! He **hung up** on me!"

"Um... Um, Sasuke-kun?"

"How dare he hang up on me!"

"Sasuke-kun!" Very much unlike outer-Sakura (but not much of a stretch for inner) the pink haired kunoichi roughly yanked her crush's head into the appropriate position. "Look!"

There was a pregnant pause as Sasuke drank in the scene.

"Well..." Sasuke uncharacteristically huffed as the gorilla-man perched atop his invisible dome... was not so perched anymore. If 'invisible' could be in liquid form, then there it was. By the contours of the man's muscles as he fell slowly through the air, it was less as if he was falling through the air and more as if he were _sinking_.

Through not the air, but the invisible barrier therein.

The beast landed not with a thump, but with a feline grace

"Well..." the Uchiha heir became acutely aware of being the only real battle-worthy unit in a field of compromising liabilities. Though there had been times in his past – yesterday in fact – where he would have felt marginally bastard-like abandoning them to look out for number 1, recent developments had forced upon him a certain inconvenient bond called comradery.

Or debt, considering that he owed his hated rival his life.

Either, really.

Sasuke attempted to articulate his complex feelings about this into words, and did so with the maximum amount of emotion that his cold, depressed, under-used heart could muster. "Well... _**shit**_."

"Sakura, I want you to extract everyone. Pull out." Sasuke ordered.

"Umm... I would really, really like to Sasuke-kun," Sakura admitted, looking at the terrifying ninja that was A. an adult and B. a really scarred up, scary looking, monolithic steroid-popper, "but there's kind of an invisible impenetrable wall that's split our spacetime away from other spacetime." She reminded.

"It's penetrable." Sasuke scowled. "He got in. You find a way out. Use that head of yours."

Nervously, because she really wasn't prepared to be any more counted on than she had been already today, Sakura nodded.

Kiba rose silently, his eyes glued to the form of his injured and unconscious comrade.

Specifically, his eyes focused on the uninjured arm cradled protectively to his chest.

The arm that even now held dearly, like a child, the wounded Akamaru.

Understanding what he should do – what he _must _do – Kiba strode up to Sasuke's side. "Count me in."

"You'll just get in my –"

"**Count...**" His eyes were like smouldering coal. Quiet until ignition. Eager for incineration. Waiting... just waiting to rage. "**Me. In.**"

Sasuke was struck.

_What focus. What a total absence of fear in the way that he holds himself – there is no room for it with all of the __**hate **__he contains. What terror I feel, even I, when I see his inconsolable fury. This... yes..._

_This is... an __**avenger**__. Similar to how I will look when I face my brother... How... respectable._

* * *

Naruto scrambled through the underbush. For a normal Konoha shinobi, their home field advantage towards dodging all the clutter of the forest might give them the speed advantage to outpace their pursuers.

But Naruto... had never lived in Konoha. And evidentially, Shizuka's longer legs would win her the chase long before Naruto could outlast her.

_Smokescreen with Bunshin? No, her senses are too sharp. Kage-Bunshin? That's... a gamble. If we split up I don't have the skill to recover the chakra over distance. Halve... third... No. Too risky._

_Here she comes. Okay! I'll need to make this quick._

Naruto entered a slide as he stopped his frantic running, resigned to requiring some additional... damage before he could shake this particular foe. His most familiar ranged technique came as a blur of hand movements. "**Katon!**" echoed within Naruto's mind, the invocation of the technique begun. Behind his eyelids he saw briefly while blinking... that familiar visage of the ferocious hallucination that always came at his bidding. His fire dragon. "**Karyuu-**" Deep breath.

But it was not to be. Naruto felt his breath cut short. Brutally. A booted heel thrust powerfully into his chest by way of flying-kick.

Appearently her dedication to historic apparel did not include her footwear

"_No breath_," Shizuka hissed, "_no fire._ _**Right?**_"

_Shit! Counterattack...!_

But Naruto's clumsy flail was not to connect. The assassin left as she came, swiftly and skilfully.

She danced outside his reach. "I know _everything about you_!"

The hunted youth's mind raced. _She's got longer reach. And fights like goddamn a wasp! And that technique she cut me with earlier... I need some space!_

Naruto struck at his assailant with a half-charged left God-hand, rifling through his right pocket with his other hand.

Shizuka dodged, of course, but evidently she hadn't expected him to waste his energy after recognizing the miss because the shockwave of power he pushed into the air actually threw her footing off.

By the time she collected herself, she was enveloped in smoke.

"I know everything about you, Naru-_chan_ but I never took you for a coward!" Shizuka screamed at the smoke.

Even though he carried smoke bombs, Naruto knew his stealth-skills were sorely lacking.

He would need to capitalize, and ran through a short sequence of hand seals as he leapt within the massive smoke field onto a near tree branch. _I need... something quick! _Landing heavily on a tree branch, he spun quickly in place, arm held out. "Futon!" _Oh, Wind. My dragon. The swift and kind. Oh gypsy of the air currents_.._. _ The billowing smoke around him spun as he did, quickly forming to the familiar – almost kind – face of Naruto's wind Dragon as the one-story beast trailed after the boys' fingertips.

Followed, until they stopped.

He hadn't a choice. It was either stop, or lose his arm. A glowing ninja-to, pulsing with restrained energy ensured that.

"I didn't _believe_ it when I _heard_ it, but you really _do _need to lead it _don't you_? You _lead _the _air_ to make the _wind_. And if you _stop _then... well, wind that's stopped is just... _air_."

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! How is she __**moving**__ like that? I know __the __**way**__ that she moved. I __**sensed **__her. But that clutz getting that fast... Hell, she's __**toying **__ with me!_

_No. Rather...where in the __**hell...**_"Where in the hell did you _get_ all this information?" Naruto demanded.

A mad grin was his response.

It was lame. It was sad. It was another handful of smoke bombs dropped into the floor and a simple Godhand to bring the entire tree down to give him room to escape.

"Losing your sight won't hurt someone with chakra sense _like yours_!" Shizuka chimed through the smoke. Her voice dropped an octave. "Or hearing like **mine.**"

As Naruto, quite frankly, ran for his life, he couldn't help but curse his luck. And Shizuka. _Give me a __**break!**__ She was always a mismatch for me with her speed, reach, and ignorance of fear but at least she was an __**idiot! **_

_Goddamn!_

_No... wait, she's still an idiot..._

_Still obsessed._

_Still scared witless of reality._

_She's just a well-__**read **__idiot._

_I... I see. _

_Heh, gotcha. Shizuka, you might have the weaknesses of all my techniques but I... I have the weakness of your heart. _

_I can win this._

* * *

A/N:

I have a grand announcement to make:

I would like to announce that my muse (there's an actual person that I pitch ideas to) otherwise known as Alexander Mickey Lowe has written two songs! "Eli Eli" is a pretty religious Christian song and "Something out of nothing" is to a much lesser extent, and in fact can be seen as secular. They're being sung by Claudelle Clarke and they've made their way onto her Christian and Gospel CD, "The Journey". Unfortunately I don't think the CDs are being released in Canada and I cannot post the link to the site's that host the music for online download purchases properly due to document manager reasons. I put spaces in it so that it would post, so if you put this into your web-browser's adress bar (the http thing) after deleting the spaces it will take you there. Or, you could put it in like that and it will pull up a search with the page as a link (probably)

Go here: http:/cluster . indie-music . com/Claudelle _ Clarke/music. php

to listen and/or download the song. I can't say much about Eli Eli – I'm an agnostic – but "Something out of nothing" is really deep and interesting and it's pretty much my favorite song ever (in my slightly biased opinion).

So I didn't make the Halloween deadline. Classes, lack of drive, ect. But this _is _on time for Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I have a second grand announcement to make:

I have decided to _separate my omake _from my story into _separate uploads_. Honestly, it's because I would like more attention paid to my actual story! I appreciate that people like my omake but I don't actually pay much attention to them. Besides, they are so pervasive that I might as well do them separately.

Also, it's easier to time it for me. I can write omake without writing a story for it. I can write a chapter without writing an omake for it. Joy. Separate release dates, and possibly more smooth release times.

You can find it from my author's page.

Regular A/N:

Erm, the cliffhanger... well it's unavoidable. Look, it's at 8,822 words and the fight scene would be...

Yeah, needed a chapter break.

Courtesean: A woman prostitute, especially one whose clients are members of a royal court or men of high social standing.

Shizuka's profession as a courtesian? I'm not going to get into what it did or didn't mean to be a courtesan in Japan... because this is the Naruto-verse! I exercise my author's license to have the culture be what I need it to be for my story. For Shizuka's history.

Favorite line sequence:

_"Euthanasia. That's murder."_

"_It's suicide."_

It's murder. Kind murder.

- Note: this doesn't express my personal views on euthanasia (I don't have any). It's Naruto's

The next chapter is battle-scene pretty much. As for the time? I would like to release for new years but that looks unlikely. Somewhere around January perhaps?

Please Review.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own the official Naruto. But my ideas are mine.

* * *

Chapter 17

I Know You.

Sakura watched in advanced concern as she quickly made sure that her downed comrade was stable. _Hang in there Shino-kun.._.

Now, if all went well they would all survive. Or all die, apparently.

The foe was simply too buffed with chakra. He seemed indestructible. She watched in awe as Sasuke-kun performed a beautiful aerial flying-axe kick to the man's face, and in horror as it seemed her crush had left the experience with a broken heel. And with muscles like that, even without actually reinforcing the muscle, every graze the goliath sent felt like a punch. It was like... like watching an even tougher, more experienced Naruto-kun.

So with a start, Sakura realized: who better to advise them?

"Naruto-kun! We need some intel!"

"I'm kind of busy here! Turn off! Shit! F*ck! Damnit Shizuka, what's your beef with me, anyway? Even when you were sane, you were crazy to think you'd get away with the shit you pulled! Bunshin-no-Jutsu! Naruto Flipkick! **Godhand!**"

There was the expected 'boom' coming from the other line, and the sound of something that sounded like the ground breaking, followed by illegitimate screaming.

There was the sound of a terrific explosion and a colourful string swearwords she was (unfortunately) familiar with. "Okay, I think I hid myself for a bit with that one...Now if only that gave me an opportunity to do an actual _jutsu _without her tracing and cancelling the _shit_ out of me."

_What, he hid himself with an explosion? _"Naruto-kun! It's serious! There's someone here that's just like **you**! But they're even _tougher, bigger_, and _stronger_! What do we do?"

"Easy. You wake the hell up."

"Be serious!"

"I am! Check for genjutsu. Look, I'm kind of in the middle of something so I don't have time – Even if the guy is really that tough, Sasuke can take me in a spar half the time right? If he can handle that then if he _cuts loose_, you'll be fine. Just back him up and tell him to stop _**dicking**_ around, pull out the mortal jutsu, and take the shot!"

A chill ran up and down Sakura's spine as she heard the connection shut off.

_Hold back? _The words echoed in her mind. _Cut loose? N-No... Sasuke-kun has, since his very first fight with Naruto-kun, never even once bothered to hold back and holds a 50-50 record. But Naruto-kun... all... all this time, he really expects me to believe that __**he**__ was...? I... I can never tell this to Sasuke-kun. And I can never explain it to Naruto-kun either. It would be terrible. But... then someone stronger than that... no, even someone __**just as strong**__... _

"Naruto-kun! He's like an Iron wall. And Sasuke-kun," _isn't as strong as you think_, "he's injured! He can't fight at your – the way you think he can!"

"..."

"Sensei?"

"Look, I have to go!"

"But sensei!"

"If it's not a **diamond** wall, don't bother me! Who the hell's student are you? Didn't I say? _Pull the mortal jutsu_!"

Her?

Sakura didn't even notice the connection cut off again.

Her? She had the best theory and the worst practical scores. She was... fairly sure this was a practical matter. And she was just a normal girl. Just normal...

The – the same excuse. Had she not grown at all? Had she not, for herself as much as for Sasuke-kun...?

She wasn't like the scrolls he'd given her, normal looking with a terrible secret hidden inside. Sakura didn't have anything inside – well, aside from inner-Sakura, but she wasn't really any better as a fighter.

She was a normal girl that had always been a normal girl.

Although... as she looked at the second and far less volatile piece of equipment he had given her – an old Acadamy standard-issue fountain pen... Maybe Naruto had given her a way to be special. Through this.

If she believed in it.

_Sakura, look. We're going on a mission tomorrow and you know, maybe it might get a little rough out there so I'm going to give you this to help you out._

_What do you have for me?_

_Well, I guess you could say it's something like... training wheels, you know? It's this._

_That's... a pen._

_Yes._

_Is it like the scrolls? Is it something in disguise?_

_It's a transformation pen. Like in those manga you won't shut up about. "Henshin, Pretty Princess!" or whatever._

_You expect me to believe that? It even has the academy motto on it. It's just a pen. I have one just like it in my... actually this is __**my **__pen! You're just returning the one I lent you, you jerk!_

_Except now it's a special pen. You have to use what you have Sakura. If you're naturally slow and strong, don't do speed training. Do training to use your strength to cover your speed. If you're smart and weak, don't go around building muscle, you have to use what feels natural. You have to be you. Tell me again how you feel before an exam?_

_Nervous I guess. My palms get all sweaty. My heart races and adrenaline kicks in. I start worrying about whether I'm ready or not, or what I'll do if I don't know the answers, and I even feel nauseous. Is... Is that wierd?_

_Hell yeah._

_Naruto!_

_Well it is. I mean, that sounds just like how I feel before a fight. You treat books like I treat weights, pop-quizzes like I treat ambushes, and exams like I treat war._

_... Well. I... Well, I don't know Naruto-kun, it's just... what I do, you know? It's like... my thing._

_I'm not making fun of you Sakura, I'm giving you a transformation pen. You can do it Sakura. Two exams per course, twice a year. Five courses in four years. Eighty times, Sakura? Eighty exams? Eighty wars? You don't need me to teach you how to fight. You've fought plenty. So much that you have will and focus and guts to spare. You just need the right tools and this transformation pen, that's all. _

_Um, you really think so?_

_Sure._

_... No one's ever believed in me like that. I'm just a braniac resource to them. Thanks..._

_No problem_

_... But really, Naruto-kun? A magical girl? I don't see the connection._

_I never said what it transformed you into._

_Okay. I'll bite. What will I transform into?_

_Well how the hell should I know?_

_Wha – what do you mean, 'how should you' – Did you really think this through?_

_Hey, why would __**I**__ need to know? When __**you**__ know then that's when you'll know it's worked. I spent all night figuring this out for you Sakura. Trust me, it's good. It's real. You have to trust or it won't work._

"Okay... Okay, I'll try, Naruto-kun." Sakura gulped. Sasuke received a brutal elbow to the face, and went flailing to the ground. Kiba's half-learned Getsuuga failed to even make the distance to his opponent before running wildly out of control. At this rate, they would all be dead in five minutes. "I'll believe it. I'll be something I've never been in my life – I will be special."

She swallowed the bitter urge to throw up at the prospect of taking on the gorilla of a foe that had almost finished laying waste to the rookie-of-the-year, Sasuke.

"Here... Here goes. I'll be special – No, I don't think I have a choice but to be special."

* * *

"I used to be **special**! I used to **be **something! I used to have **someone **special to **me**! **For** me! You ruined **my life!**"

What the hell was she even saying? Did she believe herself? Naruto dodged a low swipe by leaping high to an overhead tree branch, hoping to start at least a weak jutsu to serve as a distraction while he ran and hid like a chicken. "**Karyu-** gurk!"

Didn't work out. She was just too damn _relentless_.

They had crossed paths... how many times was it now?

* * *

"_You bastard! I'll never forgive you!" _In the hot sands of Wind Country, on a visit to the sand siblings.

"_Forgive me for what? What the hell are you after me for? I didn't break you up with him! All I did was save a life!"_

_The woman dashed forwards, heedless of her expensive kimono outfit, with what appeared to be a kitchen knife in hand. "I need to kill you. I need to kill you to make things right!"_

_Then, she tripped over a sand dune. Naruto didn't even think that was possible, but whatever. Upon inspection, she was dehydrated enough from stupidly (or crazily) chasing him down across a __**desert**__ without provisions, shade, rest, or any kind of anti-heat training, that she could have tripped over just about anything._

In one of the improvised 'for the poor' charity stands his family had done for Water Country...

"_Hey there, what are your symptoms?"_

"_I don't have money."_

"_I didn't ask for any."_

"_Is this your idea of cleansing your sins?"_

"_...what? Well, I don't really have something like that in mind when I do this, no."_

"_Doctor, I have this pain in my chest."_

"_That's very serious. Let me –"_

"_It's heartbreak."_

"_What the...Even if you say 'heartbreak', I'm a medic in training not a wise-woman. What do you expect me to do here?"_

"_Please, doctor," the hooded woman reached out. Her nails were manicured, her hands soft and delicate to the touch as they longingly caressed his face. Naruto caught a flash of purple, rolled underneath the ragged cloak she was wearing, and something glinted out of the corner of his eye. "If you would just die-"_

"_What're you doing to Houou-sama? Get her!" Then, Shizuka was dogpiled by the poor._

_Naruto had never seen anything so vicious in his life._

"_Huh? Nee-chan, where'd that wakazashi come from?"_

"_...What wakazashi?"_

"_That one you – hey, where'd it go?"_

"_Um...I... don't know what you're talking about. What are we going to do about her?"_

"_I think," Tsunade discreetly hid what looked an awful lot like a tricked-out scalpel, "we should just loot her and use the money to buy more soap and shoes for these people."_

"_That's terrible!"_

"_She tried, however ineffectively, to hurt Naru-chan!" Tsunade shot back. And honestly, she was sitting right here. What had her reputation become that people __**actually **__thought that she couldn't just pluck other people out of mid-stab and stab them to death instead... with her __**pinky**__? _

"_When you put it like that, well it's for a good cause."_

In any number of any random places, because she was literally _too impatient _to wait.

_Naruto rounded on the panting woman. Here, halfway across the largest desert in the world..._

_How the hell did she find him? Or rather: "...How do you keep escaping from jail?"_

"_I'm going to stab you until I kill you from it!" She stabbed him... _

_With her finger nails._

_They all broke of course. "F*ck! My nails!"_

_Naruto sighed and backhanded her at his leisure, crumpling her like a ragdoll. "Am I, like, supposed to give them a __**tip **__or something? Why can't they keep her locked up? And you, stop whining about the side-effects and take those meds I – oh, you're unconscious."_

* * *

For how many years had this chase of cat-and mouse been going on, with the mouse taking the cat to school quite thoroughly?

Now, at last, the hunter had grown fangs.

Keeping about one metre of distance, Shizuka danced around him almost literally. Her limbs were loose, her style uncoordinated. With one good hit he could outright splatter her lithe and supple (for a ninja) frame, but adhering to a certain distance gave her confidence that any move he made, with his comparatively lacking taijutsu _skill _and shorter reach, she would have ample time to respond. She moved languidly and almost sensually around his counterattacks – incorporating, no doubt, some of the conditioning of her previous profession.

Dashing forwards, she utilized her entire upper body in a twisting motion, swiping her ninja-to in an attempt to slash Naruto across the eyes – only to be foiled with a back-step (he'd been doing too much of that this fight). Far from done, Shizuka stepped in with her left and brought the arm holding the ninja-to forwards in a beautiful elbow-strike. Her back leg pushed her forwards powerfully while her upper body which had twisted clockwise in the first strike, leaned into him and now uncoiled into what was probably her objective all along.

To a normal genin, the precision strike would have collapsed their nose.

Naruto was barely stunned.

Of course, that didn't mean a little stun wasn't enough – even as Shizuka threw herself backwards away from counterattack reach, she raked her ninja-to past his neck as she went. It flashed briefly with an azure glow, and a crimson line was left in its wake.

Then she smiled, licked the blade of blood (in a manner that might have perved certain other people out), and danced some more. Rinse, repeat...

_Shallow. _Naruto breathed a sigh. _Another shallow one. No big deal_.

But he was littered with shallow ones. In fact he had quite a large collection lot of 'little deals'. His pristine white ensemble now looked like a red-and-white tie-die attire.

Well, it would if people tie-died with blood. And he didn't dare take time to try to heal himself beyond the customary shinobi response (Small cuts? Pah. A little chakra and it'll clot in seconds). At least he only spent a few seconds actually bleeding.

Well, a _lot_ of 'just a few seconds'. He was getting... a _little _tired.

_What's this style she's using?_

She telegraphed where she was going to hit fairly well, but all her strikes incorporated the whole body as well as the strength of momentum and she was too fast for him to do anything. And even that was all an attempt to create an opening for her ninja-to. Then she pulled back.

The cuts were shallow so far, she was restraining her use of the technique...

She probably didn't have the chakra to actually use that cutting technique of hers very often. She wanted to make it count.

And she wanted to play with her food a little.

No, the real reason she hadn't sliced him up like terryaki-on-rice was probably the most obvious.

She couldn't.

From the start, she had been focussing her chakra to her back and leg muscles when striking with her hands, and her back and shoulder muscles when striking with her legs. Her style still used those muscles to add a great deal of power to her blows, but they weren't the limbs that he needed to dodge. He wasn't a goddamn uchiha, sensing the contortion of back muscles didn't automatically translate into a damn thing for him.

His eyes weren't the sharpest. They just simply, physically, weren't. But his chakra senses ranked amongst the best, and Shizuka seemed to want to keep his perception half-blurred. Her ninja-to as well, could not produce a serious charge without a serious charge time. As soon as that happened, it would light up like a Christmas tree.

Though he was retreating from her advances, he was not investing his chakra fully in defence – what he had invested was enough to handle her taijutsu only – that insane ninja-to technique was probably beyond even his best. Naruto kept a large amount back, waiting on a _hair trigger. _Just... just _waiting _for that _one _chance that would change _everything_... If she would just take that gamble, if she would just overextend even _once!_

But she wouldn't.

She was going to whittle him down.

... It really was safe to guess that she knew everything – _everything _– about him.

Then...

Naruto attempted a technique his mother had taught him only recently. By expelling an enormous amount of chakra into the ground as if preparing to anchor against the kickback of Godhand, then actually pulling the chakra _back up_ to a thin but condensed layer the point where he was practically _reinforcing _the _ground_, Naruto prepared himself.

Shizuka, who had been dashing into him, immediately backpedalled far out of reach. _Damn! Her intel's __**that**__ recent? Then, my how about my __**own **__variation?_

Rather than slamming a godhand fist into the ground and using the plate he'd made there, reflect the force into a 360 degree shockwave, Naruto feinted the act and at the last moment planted his palms instead. "**God-Hand: Leaptoad!**" Named after a very popular Gama-clan game. And no, it's not leapfrog. It's leaptoad. Those frog guys were just copycats.

In fact, much like a toad Naruto used the plate instead to bounce himself into the air – leaptoading five meters above Shizuka's head and twenty meters beyond _her_.

_Now's my chance! Ah, yes! A spring! Things are finally turning around. _

_This is the only technique I haven't tried yet. _

Of course there had been a reason he hadn't tried this technique yet. That reason being... it was longer than all get-out, damnit.

Ox, Monkey, Rabbit, Rat, Boar, Bird, Ox, Horse, Bird, Tiger, Dog, Tiger, Snake, Ox, Sheep, Snake, Pig, Sheep, Ox, Monkey, Bird, Dragon, Ox, Horse, Sheep, Tiger, Snake, Rat, Ox, Monkey, Bird... Rat, Boar, Monkey, Dragon, Bird, Ox, Horse, Sheep, Tiger, Snake, Rat, Monkey, Rabbit, Boar, Dragon, Ox, Rat, Ox, Monkey, Bird, Rat, Boar, Bird.

"**Suiton: Suiryuuda**...What?" She hadn't even done anything. She was simply walking through the forest towards him, cheshire grin in place. His beautiful serpentine dragon, which he could have coiled around him into a fantastic defensive boon to let him plan something out, was simply... not coming.

But... But there was a spring! There! Right ******ifiably **there**! What the monkey ******!

Languidly, his assailant pushed her delicate fore and middle fingers into her breast pocket, retrieving a small white pouch between them. Sweetly upending it on the floor, again the only thing that ruined her refined facade was the devilish glee on her face.

Naruto saw the white substance hit the grassy floor. He immediately felt that he'd swallowed something sour. Of all the... "...salt?"

"Sea-salt to be precise, _milord_~" Shizuka corrected, demurely retied the bag as she snarled at her quarry, "You know, the kind you find on a _shelf _in the _supermarket._"

"...Sea-salt? When your group was setting the ambush, you – you poured _sea salt_ into all the water around here, knowing that I can only manage jutsu with freshwater? That actually ****ing works? Of all the *** faced ******! Just who's **** did you _****_ to get all of this ****** ******able,** ************ing** info?** This is total **bullshit!**"

"**No one's!** I'm a one-person item, and I'm taken by Todai-sama! You'd be surprised who wants you _**dead**_, '_Houou-sama'!_"

"Yeah right, you dirty whore!"

Naruto... didn't know much about love. His uncle was unconcerned with it, and his mother and sister seemed to have conflicting and probably totally wrong views of it anyway.

But he knew more than he cared for about lust. And about the red light district. It was hard to hang around his uncle and _not _pick up information here or there.

So...

As soon...

As soon as he'd said it, he knew he had done something wrong.

Or right.

He hadn't had enough time to think this fight out yet.

But something had changed in Shizuka.

"Dirty?" She echoed. "What the **** did you just call me?" She pressed, angrily. "_Dirty whore? _Is that what you think, _Houou-sama_? You foul-mouthed bastard! I'm – I'm not a _dirty whore_. I'm a _**clean whore!**_" Shizuka screeched, her tone losing its sense of control. Her ninja-to, held so supply until now, was clenched in a tight fist. "There's a **difference!**"

_This, _Naruto thought as the woman charged him again with a sweeping low-kick to flip-kick combination, _this might not be bad. She really is the same as ever, under all the preparation. I need to draw out the old Shizuka more. I need to break out of her scenario!_

"At least I _**was**__, before you __**ruined **__that for me!_" She threw herself fully into her assault, zipping in and out of his range at random angles like a mad super-bouncy-ball.

_Angry one second, teasing the next, it's not like she's bipolar or anything (that I could maybe manage). She was just hiding it. She was just keeping it bottled. All for the sake of her plan. But I know her. Plans, victory, all of it..._

_It all takes second place to her precious delusions. _

The two exchanged a flurry of blows – of course only Shizuka's landed. But Naruto reached closer than before. A kimono sleeve was barely in touch with his fingertips, before slipping away like a minnow. Naruto swore, and directed his frantic backpedalling back to the open area that had been cleaved by merit of the wind fang earlier.

"And now you're not a whore _at all_!" Naruto shot back as he flipped backwards over one of the _many and enormous _fallen logs of the area. "Isn't that _better?_" he yelled, kicking the log he'd jumped over powerfully before he even landed – sending it careening towards the chasing Shizuka.

"What do **you** know?" Rather than follow her quarry over the log, she unwisely wasted the energy to bisect it and pressed forwards – displaying again the godly edge of her technique. "I wasn't just _any whore, _I was a _courtesan!_"

"Bullshit!" Naruto shot back, taking cover behind a broad tree against a barrage of shuriken. He yelled back around the bark: "'Courtesan' means you're invited to *$%^&ing _**court**_! He kept you _at home_ Shizuka! You were a _pet_!"

"Shut up! I was _something_!" The more and more fanatic woman screamed, cleaving another obstacle in her path to vindication. "I was Todai-sama's _**favorite**_**!** He was going to _marry _me!"

"Kage-Bunshin!" Naruto didn't use the technique much – it was rough on his reserves even when the clones remained close. But it was as quick as a bunshin to get off, and he needed an edge against that ninja-to. "How is that even _possible_, Shizuka?" The clones feinted, switched directions, and with the original formed a beautiful three-pronged triangle formation. "He was _already_ married!"

"Shut up! He was going to leave her for me!" Shizuka knew, too, how to counteract the Kage-bunshin. To begin with, in low numbers it was easy to keep track of the real. The fakes would fall easily to swift, low chakra attacks and so all she needed to do was prioritize speed over strength and break through one side. With a swift fient-to-overhead hammer-blow that wouldn't have phased the real but disintegrated the clone, she pushed forwards and out of her pincer situation. When she turned to face her pursuers, she cleaved the real with a powerful chakra-laden ninja-to slash. "Die!"

Only to find that in the brief time she hadn't been looking, the real had switched sides with the fake. The clone dissipated and the enemy closed in on her blade, catching it in his palms when her swing was finished and at its slowest. "You bastard!" she snarled.

Naruto intended to brake that blade come hell or high water, but judging from what it could _do _it wouldn't be a simple material to destroy. He tried it the easy way, disarming her by yanking the blade away. Yet still with mind enough to realize she could do shit all to her hated foe without that weapon, Shizuka closed as well and prepared to charge another blade of energy.

A woman with a lethal weapon in her hands and a boy who's hands were lethal weapons.

Both with fine enough chakra sense to read when the other would make their move, and attempt to per-empt and counter.

Deadlocked.

Face-to-face. Naruto could smell her perfume.

With his numerous shallow lacerations, she could smell his blood - it was _so close_!

Naruto frowned. "What's this fight _about _Shizuka?"

"You took that witch's side." The assassin snarled back. "You helped her drive Todai-sama away from me! The witch got herself taken care of, so now I'm here to take care of **you**! With you gone, he'll take me back! I just **want him back!**"

Of all the ridiculous, insane, _deluded _reasons! In his anger, Naruto almost forgot he had the woman's sword in his hands. "What the hell, Shizuka! All I did was cure a poison case!" He scowled. "You tried to _**off**_ her! He ditched you because you were **flipping out**! And killing me has **nothing **to do with -"

"Her spell –"

"She wasn't a _witch_. That spell's called _marriage_! Don't you get it? You were his **_number two_**!"

.

.

.

It was the truth, and he was fighting for his life anyways. He needed desperately to throw her off her game. But still...

Why did he have this feeling of regret? It was like he had struck a blow to her soul. His intent was to bait her weak emotions into a confusion, but her brief vapid look staggered his own heart. He swore at his weakness, when she slipped the blade out of his loose grasp and lept back away.

Running from him? Or from the truth?

Panic set in. Desperation too. She had to kill him. She _had to_. It would ease her. It wold _fix _things. It _would_!

It _had _to!

She cut herself in her haste, when she palmed a handful of shuriken from her kimono to lead off with.

"You think you know?" Rage took her, and she let it for it eased her heart pangs. "You don't know what it's **like**! You don't know **anything!** I **love** him!"

"You mean **loved**,Shizuka!" Naruto shot back, diving away from the hurled shuriken and rolling out the force of what he could only think of as an improvised, momentum-added, wrestling move of a double flying kick. _She's gotten sloppy_. "**Past **tense, Shizuka!" Having a bit extra distance, Naruto palmed another tree-trunk. It was literally too big to get a proper grip on, but by applying chakra to stick to it and using herculean finger-strength to _make _finger holes for himself as he grabbed it, he swung the mighty redwood around. "He's–"

"You shut your** (*%^$ **mouth! You lying, fitly little **shit**!" Shizuka replied even as she lept to the tree-trunk, intending to sprint down its length and sever the head of her hated (and occupied) opponent.

"**Rasengan!**"

Naruto let go of the tree with his lower hand and, with essentially an entire tree to mask the movement, slammed a spiralling A-Rank sphere of power into the tree-trunk itself. Naruto's remaining grip on the tree disappeared – his arm flung off – when the entire trunk began to twist on itself, splintering and groaning as the spiraling energy worked its way up the trunk.

"You can't surprise **me!**" To prove it, Shizuuka leapt off of the trunk, dismounting it before her footing could twist apart painfully underneath her. "I **know **you!"

For Naruto, time screeched to a halt. Massive adrenaline boosts could do that to a person. Because this was _it_. There, the critical error at last. She hadn't lept to a higher tree. She hadn't angled to reach the ground with any speed. She'd simply... hopped off. For the entire battle, what she had used as her sole armor was... her superior speed and her control of distance. Now, simply hanging there in the air, as if waiting – just _waiting_ – to be plucked out... she had briefly given up both.

In this slow motion, Shizuka's high-quality Suna-spun kimono sleeves trailed beautifully behind her. She looked like a descending goddess. For a change, her face lost its twist of malice, swapped for a look of surprise suited to a woman much more innocent than her. She looked, once more and finally... like a lady.

And it was then that Naruto tackled her from the air.

In panic, she attempted to use her ninja-to's technique with maximum strength – that was a mistake. He was expecting it and it lit up her entire left arm like a flare on the chakra-plane.

Naruto could feel its approach down to the millimeter. He caught the wrist channeling such power to the blade easily. With a yank, he forced her to thrust it into the ground where the energy died an ineffectual death, then roughly pinned her hand.

"It works both ways, Shizuka. I know you too."

With some effort, he captured her other wrist and though his hands were smaller he then, leaning over her and coincidentally placing them exactly face-to-face, pinned both wrists above her head with one hand. He was smaller, but Naruto's ability to ground himself allowed him to stick himself to the forest floor with such force that as a clamp, nothing could do better. Her kicks to the back of his head, without momentum, a limited range of movement, and a lack of other muscles being in a position to aid, were totally ignorable.

A look graced the refined woman's face, as her attempts to dislodge him met with utter failure. The look he'd seen what seemed now like a hundred times. The look of loss... It was times like this that he really could believe that her 'revenge' on him was her real, entire world. It seemed to her a profound defeat.

And in that moment, a watershed moment, Naruto's anger at this thorn in his side that he _just couldn't seem to ever get rid of_... dissipated. In its place: pity.

He was a medic-nin, when all was said and done. He wasn't to hold madness against people. He was supposed to help them.

And he remembered again, _why _he always made sure she was looked after in her prison.

"Shizuka..." Naruto began, sadly. "You need help."

"Don't you start that again! I'll be fine with you **dead**!"

"Listen," the squirming and thrashing was pointless but sidetracking. Naruto forcefully pushed Shizuka down by her shoulder to quiet her. "**Listen **to me! You have a _chemical imbalance_!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"It's called –"

"I don't **care**!"

"I'm not going to say..." Naruto licked his lips. He found that it was cut, much like the rest of him, when he tasted metal. "...that your feelings are all coming from – from what you have..." He was walking the line between professional medic-ism and tired ninja. As compassionately as one could say something like this, he said the following: "I'm sure that under all the chemicals, you're really just a violent, annoying, denial-filled bitch. But that's not the point. It... changes things Shizuka. It's like being _drunk_. You're just not _seeing _things right. Is that how you want to make your life decisions? Drunk off your rocker? Do you think doing all this – this crap is that great? Is it going to do anything for you?" Naruto pressed. Shizuka turned her face away.

The Houou heir frowned, and resolved to try a different approach. She had to want to get better. No amount of pills would stick until then. "You couldn't have gotten so fast in such a short time naturally. Being a steroid guinie-pig, Shizuka? I thought your body was your pride and joy. Does that make sense? And you don't have the precision to pull that trick you do with a ninja-to. That blade must be, what, water crystal? Money like that, you could have bought a _house_ with change enough to start over."He didn't understand it. Even if she was crazy, it was too much. "A _new life_." Too sad. "How can it be worth it? If I don't throw you in jail, are you going to have a roof tonight? And... And I have tabs out on you, you know. You didn't turn any heads in and for that much Shizuka, you sure as hell weren't selling _flowers_." There was a deathly silence. Her struggles ceased, her breath hitched. And though she had been prepared to kill him messily, Naruto despite himself regretted that one sentence alone. "Listen, don't you want things to – to start making sense _all _the time again?"

"Todai-sama! Todai-sama!"

"Shizuka..." endless pity, for he'd looked into her past over the years.

He'd spent his whole life a stranger wherever he went. But he'd been a stranger with company – with family. Here, was a woman truly alone. A girl taken off the streets, given a farce of a home, a diet of lies, and a fake of a future. Reared like a horse, dressed like a doll, played like a flute, and left for dead. In her denial, she'd committed a heinous crime, but only after her mind had been fractured by the victim. "Shizuka, Todai's not coming for you."

"_**Todai-sama!**_"

Naruto sighed bitterly. "He _can't_ come, Shizuka," For her, he had endless... endless pity. Because she was... "You killed him."

Endlessly alone.

* * *

A/N:

The last three lines are my favorite for this chapter. Possibly ever. I lurve it.

I know I said january, but it's _near _january, and that's all that matters.

My quality isn't what I'd like. That is because I don't have time to spend polishing the story much, because I'm in university.

Also, the Document Manager on has been a real ***ch lately.

No omake this time. Well hey though, I did a new years omake without doing a chapter so it all evens out (for those that don't know about the '**Extras and Omake section**' you can find it from my author's page).

Expect the next chapter late febuary/early march.

Expect a **Valentines Day Omake** if I get **enough reviews. **But **not reviews for tsunade's heir.** Reviews for my **Beta's Song**. **Five reviews of the song** and I'll do a **Valentines Day Omake**. However, they are **gospel** songs. Something out of Nothing is practically not religeious but Eli Eli definitely is. So if you don't like Christianity, you've been warned. It will obviously be about valentines day, Naruto, Temari, and Hinata. Information on how to find the song and how to review the song is on my author's page, which you can find by clicking "funkmasterjo" at the top of this steps people, go to the link provided in my author's page and listen to **Something out of Nothing **or **Eli Eli **(Something out of nothing is better.), then go to my forum topic (also provided on my author's page) and you can leave a review there about the **content of the song** (My beta is the writer, not the singer). Just like this story, anything as much as an "I liked it" is **fine**. If you don't want to post in the forum, then you can PM me, review this story and talk about the song, or even email me. Just as long as I can get it so that I can pass it on.

Courtesians originally were named that because they served 'in court'.

Basically, Shizuka was a street urchin taken in by a noble in her youth, and molded into something she thought resembled a Geisha. In reality she was just used as a somewhat classy prostitute the noble didn't have to pay for.

Next time is Sakura's magical (not really) transformation, wherein she saves the day with her **Magical Ninja Powers**. Then Naruto swoops in and... and I wonder what?

Please Review.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but my ideas are mine

* * *

Chapter 18

Magical Girl Sakura Haruno

It was mad. The world was mad. Kiba, Shino, Akamaru, and Sasuke-kun… they hadn't done anything wrong.

They were just taking a ride in a simple caravan, peacefully, and then violence swept down and ripped that peace to shreds.

No warning, no fairness. Not from the world to her friends.

And… not from her to her friends.

_I… what am I doing? What am I even **doing? **When everyone else is trying so hard! Am I not a ninja? I have been trained for this. I have run simulations! Is this headband I wear not a mark of competence? _

_Aren't all my studies, all my lessons, worth **shit? **_

_I… no… it's me. My studies didn't betray me. I betrayed my studies. _

_I'll do it. If the whole world's gone insane, then I'll bet on the one insane thing that's on **my side**. _

Sakura turned, facing the situation. Sasuke was panting heavily and even Sakura could discern that something wasn't quite right with his right leg. Kiba fared even worse.

She remembered the ridiculous thing Naruto wanted her to do.

"_Listen Sakura, this is the activation phrase for your magic pen. But remember, you have to really get into it. And don't hit me when I tell you, because I'm serious about this. Believe. The phrase is-" _

"Attention students," Sakura whispered, "this exam is ten minutes long. Check that you aren't missing any pages. You will not be excused for the duration and no questions will be answered."

It was a crazy piece of advice, but this whole situation was cazy. Kiba the class fool, but always tough and lively, panted through his bloodless. Sasuke, the prince of school whom had always been the unsurpassed, was barely holding his own in the tail end of a clear battle of futility.

Shino lay before her, and Akamaru beside him. They looked so unnatural, as marionetts with their strings rudely cut.

Overwhelming need drove her imagination, and kneeling on the dusty road, Sakura saw her familiar desk in a vision before her. The paper lay bare, empty but full of possibilities.

"You may begin… now." Her hand fell with the pen, purposeful, and stopped exactly upon the air where her imaginary paper was. Her mind was a swim with possibilities. Multiple approaches and supporting theories, hammered into her mind the way others hammered taijutsu into their bodies, were considered and amended in multiples in the time it took to fill in the 'Name:_' and 'ID#:_' sections.

And all the tension, all the nausea, the self disgust, doubt, and fear.

…Melt away.

Just like always.

Because, well, it was test time. The world was there, but then it wasn't. Who gave a shit what the person beside her was doing? What the birds were doing outside the window? This was between her and the test and anything that detracted from that could just go to hell then.

"Question one," she whispered, in a kind of trance, "defeat, neutralize, or disengage the enemy with minimal casualties within the following constraints…". The old actions of the pen on paper (imaginary or not) drilled into her through honestly embarrassing nightly hours of study and practice… were emulated perfectly.

x-x

Shizuka lay broken and defeated – crying silently. The fight had gone fully out of her.

"You beat me. Why don't you just kill me?"

"I feel sorry for you. You must be the loneliest person in the world." Naruto answered immediately. He had the woman's arms pinned with one hand and used the other to dislocate joints swiftly. "And when I decided to become a medic-nin, I took an oath to take no life lightly."

"You… you **bastard**!" She sobbed, tears streaking down her face as she stared up at her nemisis. "You went **easy** on me, you **_self-righteous bastard_**!"

"Yeah right, you f***ng pig-faced, rabid, psychotic bitch."

"You did! You didn't summon–"

"**I**," Naruto stressed, "got shit to do. Friends to patch up, and enemies to beat down. I didn't go easy, I just keep reserves. I'm not like you. Now you… **you** went easy."

"**_What?_**" He might as well have told her she was the unwanted zit of the universe. So insulted was Shizuka.

"You woke up today Shizuka, and I bet the first thing you thought was 'huzzah, today's the day I get to see Naruto again!'" Naruto explained offhandedly, as he attempted to map out the rough concentration areas of chakra around. It seemed that Shizuka had somehow set up their encounter in an empty spot of her ally forces – aiming to make things one-on-one and personal, but with all the high-profile jutsu they had used…

"I woke up and thought of how I would eviscerate you before the tombs of your ancestors!" Shizuka spat.

"Same difference."

"What? **_How exactly?_**"

"I'm the first thing on your mind, aren't I? And the last, probably. Everything about you has become about me. Don't you see where I'm going with this?" Naruto shook his head. "Here, I've just figured out my approach path to my friends, so I'm _gone_. I'm leaving these pills with you Shizuka. Take them this time you stupid bitch. Why? Because as long as you don't, you won't kill me. You can't! After all you can't kill a dead man, and _trying_ to kill me is the **only damn thing you have**."

x-x

Sakura's frantic scribbling came to a full halt. She was stuck. Out of all the possibilities, the only way to surpass this situation was to rely on the wild card and the only one with the requisite raw force to inflict serious damage on their enemy – her.

But during a proper exam answer, an unsupported solution was a fail. For her to take point, even when her practical marks were abysmal, was certifiably the best answer. But how to increase the ability?

Naruto. It all came back to him. It was him that was the key to this situation. Her private sensei…

She could almost hear his voice. _Just believe it. _

A a total bullshit respnonse, never acceptable under examination standards.

But Sakura believed it.

She had transformed. By taking the step she had transformed. From the moment she'd put pen to invisible paper, she could feel the chains fo self-depreciation around her disintigrate. That state of almost perfect zen enveloped her. Just like any test. She held onto that feeling with a vice-grip and considered her situation. Just a little more. Just a little more _courage_.

Magical girls… she knew why she loved the ganre. Simple normal girls, just like her, thrust into terrible circumstances and awesome powers, fighting with love and justice.

Love and justice, she had those. Her friends were good people. They didn't deserve to die. And Sasuke… she would protect him.

And magic? Was not a sufficiently advanced trick indistinguishable for sorcery?

She was a ninja after all. She was a damn _Ninja_.

Moreso, she had Naruto 'the trickster' as a tutor.

So, she would lay it on the line. Actually, now that she thought about it, this ugly sunnovabitch wanted to jump in here and mess her schoolmates and love interest right up. What the hell? She didn't want them to die! She was sick of playing wallflower and being trampled on – or worse, ignored. This bastard was going to kill Sasuke-kun and… and…

Even if it cost her her life… even her life, so what? She had sworn, while chasing him down the hallway, her life to that boy so many times.

Time to f*cking **own up.**

What would her sensei say in this situation?

"I've had just about enough of this shit!"

The three combatants froze. _What_?

"Oh yeah," Kiba muttered, "she hangs with Naruto."

"Sasuke-kun, Kiba-kun. I'm taking point. Pull back."

"What?" they exclaimed in unison.

It might have been the adrenaline, it might have been that the plan she constructed sat at 10 on the lethality scale, give or take a few. It might have been the sudden rage of a very repressed young otaku coming to surface…

Or she might have just needed something to believe in. Something… anything… that wasn't 'Sakura'….

All the same, Sakura struck sailor-ronin's pretty poses with almost embarrassing accuracy. But she felt no shame. She felt nothing but her mission. "Evil, beware. For love and justice I smite you. Pretty girl magical Sakura, coming at you!"

She charged.

x-x

Tooro hated surprises. If someone came to him and asked him what his opinion on battle was, it was that 'the careless deserve their deaths'. He was the rock. The mountain. Slow to move, cautious to overextend, but unbreakable.

The little girl that had thus far seemed mentally unprepared for battle and suited for nothing more than first-aid, now charged at him. Had her bravado and nonsensical manga-references been a bluff, he would have stepped into her charge and with an open palm thrust shatter her frame. After all, she wasn't one of the targets that would yeild a bonus for taking alive. She wasn't a target at all.

But he had never met a person willing to sprint into his might without experiencing the precipice of death at their backs.

And she had no fear.

Tooro frowned. _A sleeper ninja? A secret agent? _For supporting the Houou, Uchiha, and Kurenai the illusion, it wasn't out of question. Rather, it would be far more suspicious if she were really just some kind of token female character.

So when the Inuzuka shot the Uchiha a bewildered look and the Uchiha motioned for them to pull back, he let them. Focus on the risk, and cut it down.

Some small cylinder danced beutifully between the fingers of her left hand as the lithe girl neared him. It blurred in a speed that surpassed his ability to recognize the item.

Then the bitch tucked it behind her left ear a split second before delivering a flying snap-kick to his face.

_A pen? _Tooro raged as he stumbled backwards. _I was distracted by classroom pen-tricks?_

In Tooro's defence, none in the history of Konoha could pull Sakura's pen tricks quite like her.

x-x

Sakura realized that even with a full-momentum flying kick to the face, she had inflicted very little real damage. It seemed he was truly a defensive master of chakra.

Fine.

Still within plan paramaters.

She was content in the fact that she had successfully obstruckted her opponent's vision. The pinkette summoned six bunshins quickly before flipping off of her opponent.

His chackra sense must be excellent, but even the best experienced stumbles due to cognitive dissonance. She would bet on that.

Her clones were perfectly formed, but it was very difficult to multitask the movements of six at a time – something she was sure her enemy knew just as well.

The clones took rudimentary academy stances and attempted to strike with a myriad of simple moves.

She was interrupted when she saw the surprisingly quick recovery and wide swipe of the goliath.

There were seven Sakura's, and only one was the real. So when six did the simple thing and backstepped, while the last palmed the swipe and vaulted over, Tooro had his answer.

It was the wrong answer. He received notice of his mistake in the form of a resounding explosion to the back of his head. He snarled, and terrible he did look when he snarled. That had actually hurt. "You lying b*tch!" Tooro recovered quickly and assumed a defensive stance.

Sakura quelled both the feelings of excitement and accomplishment. No time. This was serious. It shouldn't work, but it did anyway. That was her magic. Was it not supreme? "Magical Sakura: Illusion Sakura."

"Magical Sakura? Cut the bull!" No Tooro, calm yourself. Don't… don't fall into her pace.

Tooro understood the mind-game she had played on him, which had even caused him to ignore his chakra-sense. But that explosion… what the _was_ that?

Sakura frowned and repeated her assault, twirling her pen again in her left hand. "Magical Sakura:" she muttered.

"You think I'll let you?" this time, when the little girl launched herself at him, he was ready for the flying kick and caught it deftly. Game over, he thought. But the leg slipped thorugh his fingers, and another flew into his forehead. As he stumbled, Tooro made out a faint declaration. "Mirror Sakura"

Of all the organs, the intricate human brain was one of the most difficult to reinforce around. And so, regardless of the toughness of the reinforcement, so long as force could be transferred through the skull then rattling the brain could force unconsciousness in the best of them.

x-x

That bitch. That little bitch! Tooro stumbled from the kick, and again during his stumble an explosive force struck him in the gut. The girl was an undercover sleeper. Must be. ANBU? No, standards may have dropped but they were as cold-blooded as ever. He would be dead by now. A hidden retainer, held by the Uchiha estate?

The underlying technique was so simple. So damn easy. But the application was far beyond genin expectation. Toying with him? Or limited in resources?

He rolled with the force of the blow, contemplating the girl. By placing the bunshin centimeters before her, she had hidden in the visual shadow of the technique. While from a sensory perspective, she still existed as a mass of chackra directly charging for him, practically fusing the signature with the fake. Furthermore, she hadn't summoned the bunshin, meaning that it was one of the leftovers from her earlier technique. This was bad!

He was fully in her pace.

Well, he would simply ignore her vision tricks. By concentrating fully on chackra-sense, he should be able to discern even her mirror bunshin trick.

It was when he noticed the weak signatures of her six bunshins combining that he then realized with foreboding.

He was deeper in her pace than ever.

x-x

"Magical Sakura" Sakura whispered. Holding her arm out vertically to the side. A bunshin, in a mirror pose, intertwined fingers with her.

And then another.

And another.

Until all the bunshins were layered.

"Shadow Sakura."

x-x

Tooro grimaced. The chakra signatures. The goddanm chakra signatures. The six bunshin, when layered together…

They were _exactly the same _as the original. Chackra quantity, shape, and even distribution….

The girl may as well have used the Shadow-clone hijutsu.

This… _he _couldn't do this.

This was _insane!_

Such control, such mental capacity...

…Magic, indeed.

When the twins charged him, he truly had no choice but to remove focus from chakra perception, and focus on the visual. The left one was the real…

Wasn't she?

No, this tricky girl…

Being a master of defence meant more than a physique and chakra system meant for physical toughness. It was also skill.

Skill to know when to sacrifice a bit of that reinforcement to use a jutsu.

And a library of techniques that can execute quickly and disruptively.

Only two seals.

x-x

The earth shook and from the ground under Sakura rose a needle bed of sharp rock. The spikes were large enough to be avoided, but doing so and moving six bunshin in perfect synchronicity in the same manner was asking too much.

A little early then, she launched her attack.

x-x

When the girl responded to the jutsu by having the layered bunshin explode into leaps in a myriad of approach angles, Tooro wanted to rant and rave – for a good five minutes, at least.

But no time, he had diverted his attention from the chackra plane, and even lowered his defenses. If ever, now the hammer would fall. Powerful legs propelled him backwards, and it was only the extra half-second that this bought him that allowed him to see the attack.

Out of the cloud of illusionary clones, the real Sakura lunged once more for his face. And finally Tooro saw what caused the explosive force that she had been blindsiding him with.

A small metallic ball was clutched in the girl's hands.

It was no jutsu! She was an _explosives_ user!

_That _was why she never followed up! She had to _clear the blast radius!_

He took the hit, and it shook him like none of the previous ones had. And he was grateful.

"I see." Tooro said, releaved, staggering to his feet. "I understand. Physically, you're weak." The danger, more or less, was passed. The girl was a bag of cheap and unexpected tricks and once understood, was left with little. "It isn't that you're conserving chakra. You lack the stamina to actually produce more. And those bombs… let me guess, they're heavy? And you're unused to them, yeilding a minimal effective range. So I… will fight you… _with ninjutsu!_" Tooro grinned.

Wait, where was she?

She should be…

She had _retreated?_

But without chakra reserves, a long range battle would be _suicide! _

It was exactly what he _wanted_! There must be a…

That scroll that she palmed.

The grimness on her face.

…fine. This ended now.

x-x

"Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke snapped his attention to Sakura's position. He had backed off of the fight as she had wished earlier, expecting that she must have attained some useful plan from her conversing with Naruto and the odd pen ritual she performed…

But he had been stuperfied by her sudden bout of… of _competence!_

While she fought he noticed that there was a void there in her, where her fear should have been. He supposed that years of conditioning as a ninja must have spontaneously clicked into place.

But now, again… that fear.

"Sasuke-kun, It's all still within the plan so… it's okay but… I – I have one last trick."

Sasuke frowned. "Then do it."

"I… you need to cover me and… and…"

Sasuke noticed the scroll in Sakura's hands. The scroll she had been nervously fingering in the caravan. The on that Hinata had avoided upon first notice. The FMST.

"And Sasuke-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, okay?"

x-x

It was a shame. If only things had been a little different, Sakura thought, as she rummaged through the handbag that Naruto's sister had packed him. If only Kiba had found these tools earlier. Even a little earlier but…

She steeled herself.

"Then do it." Sasuke monotone.

So cool. He was calm even in this chaos.

Sakura took a deep breath. "I… you need to cover me and… and… and Sasuke-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, okay?"

Sakura struck the scroll into the ground in front of her, regarded it and the bag she slung over her shoulder with brief dread, and started a long chain of seals.

x-x

An FMST. One of the highest order of jutsu. Those which could only be performed with extensive control and knowledge of the arts of sealing. The kind of reckless backfire-prone technique that prudent guys like Tooro stayed the hell away from.

Surely there were some FMSTs that were deadly even with low chakra-input. To think that he'd see anyone under thirty even attempt one!

Time to settle things.

Tooro made his own set of seals, and his would surely be faster.

x-x

If he had been a wind elemental, Sasuke realized, then this would have been an exercise in futility. As it was, the fist sized shrapenels of rock kept such physical presence as they could be deflected. The larger were cleaved by Kiba.

Between them, not one would pass. This was the least they could do. No. It was all they could do.

Sasuke, like a good ninja, tried not to think about that right now.

A small rumble beneath Sasuke's feet alerted him. "Sakura! Dodge!"

x-x

Sakura did one better, she sprint forwards, scooping up the FMST as she ran, between the thumbs and forefingers of her ram-seal. A cruel spike of earth struck from where she knelt previously.

"Y formation!"

Her wingmen fell into pace four steps in front of her, and when the shrapenel of the enemy jutsu could be avoided completely, Sasuke's sharp eyes discerned and directed them to dodge to the appropriate side. And when the strike couldn't be, Kiba took the hit bodily with animal ferocity – growling and pushing on nonetheless.

It was a spike to the left knee that felled him.

Tooro, having had enough of this, eased his attack for a second to launch a jutsu into the earth that created spikes along the ground in a wide radius to their closing approach.

Time froze for Sasuke, until a heartbeat seemed to last forever. So acute was the danger.

They were at the perfect range for it. Not enough time to dodge the wide radius, and not close enough to naturally make the leap to enemy's location.

Not on one's own.

As Sasuke was contemplating whether he should prioritize Sakura or himself, considering that the mysteries Sakura had picked up from Naruto were the only effective form of attack…

He realized that his body had already entered a slide on its own.

So Sasuke grit his teeth, turned, kneeled, and cupped his hands.

x-x

Sakura's eyes widened in shock. 'No' She mouthed, between moments. _No, no, no._

Stoicly, he faced her, expecting.

So brave. Her Sasuke.

_Sasuke-kun. _She cursed her situation. _Sasuke-kun! _

**_God-F*cking Damnit!_**

She stepped in his palms and was boosted into a terrific launch.

Never had she soared so high. And for it she had naught but tears, as Sasuke was swiftly impaled below her.

When sakura landed, she was screaming like a banshi. Shino, Kiba, Sasuke, everyone…

This, this **bastard!**

Tooro struck with an open palm. He had sacrificed much of the chackra used to enforce his defence and strength, but sheer mass would repel the frail girl.

Sakura screamed.

"**Kwamwari no jutsu!**"

"WHAT?" Tooro gasped. In shock, he saw that it was a log he was breaking in half, as his foe flipped over his arm and rammed the side of the FMST into his face.

Just because one was making seals, did not in fact mean that one had to be molding any chakra at all. A brazen bluff to force his fear and expenditure of chakra, Sakura had thrown random ones together, ending with those for Kwamwari.

Tooro also realized that he'd been had. _But…_his mind raced. _Two handed-seals cannot be used to prepare two simultaneous jutsu. If her seals gave her a kwamwari then what on earth… _

And then, belatedly, he heard the hiss.

And then, belatedly, he recalled the girl's weapon specialty.

He brought his hands up to his face frantically, seeking to claw the fake scroll off, but it seemed that the unwrapped contents were nothing but industrial rat-trap level glue-paper. He couldn't leverage it off.

Desperately he attempted to use the little chakra still circulating his system to him to reinforce his head in time.

The disguised FMST revealed its true nature to the Assassin as it hissed beside his ear.

**A full stick of Millitary Dynamite.**

x-x

"Shit!" Naruto swore as he dashed through the underbrush. Just how far had he been distanced from the others by that damn cheap sniper wind jutsu? To top it all off, his comm was busted. Goddamn! And these pursuers!

Those guys… intermediate-low levels? Using traditional ninja-tricks, dashing through the underbrough at 40km/h… f*ckers were like hounds. They were closing the distance well, and it was at these kinds of times Naruto cursed his short stride.

Hotshots, with confident smirks and deadly grace. They knew their chakra, that's for sure, but they must have been kicked out of the village early. They lacked military discipline.

In other words, they were radically overconfident and reckless.

Well then!

With a grounding technique that habitually kept him in place as he launched literally hundreds of pounds of enemy flesh literally hundreds of meters, naruto went from 37km/h to 0 in 0.23 seconds.

The two behind him were not so responsive, and ran into a neat clothesline technique, sprawling them into the floor before Naruto.

"No goddamn time for you idiots!" the boy spat as he resumed his dash.

Soon, a chakra signature shot in from his right at such speeds that Naruto almost didn't pick out who the reading belonged to. "Kakkashi-sensei! The hell you been, you perverted bastard? Your students are all knee deep in it!"

"Barrier!" Kakkashi grunted. "S-class! And interference has been –"

"**S-class?**" Naruto exclaimed. "You're shitting me!" There weren't supposed to be any S-class barrier users anymore. Not in the world. A-ranks were double-layered and complete shapes –meaning that they went all the way underground. S-rank did that with forces that bent space.

"Kurenai confirmed."

Damn. If there were anyone more academic than Sakura, or more in tune with the flow of chakra than him, it would be Konoha's #1 genjutsu user.

They would be there soon. Naruto needed a plan. "The core?" he asked.

"One man! He's all that's inside the inner layer. ."

"Seal?"

"He's sitting on it."

"Even if it's S-class… that seal…" Naruto frowned. "it can't be totally surrounded by barrier right?"

Kakkashi nodded. "There's nothing between it and the ground, although that ground is completely encased by barrier itself. You have something?" he was the last recourse. If anyone knew a way to break an S-class barrier, it would be Jiraiya after all. Maybe… just maybe… some knowledge had been passed on to Naruto that…

"Oy! It rained yesterday right?"

…What? "…Yes." Kakkashi answered.

"Well, that helps a bit. Listen, I'll take that thing down. Afterwards, you'd better find me though, and wake me the hell up. I have patients."

"…Sure?"

"Right. Give me a ride."

Kakkashi raised an eyebrow. Naruto had stopped running. They'd be there soon if they'd just kept pace. So for what reason did he need a dog summon?

As Naruto bled into the air what must have been as much chakra as Kakkashi had ever dared mold in his life for any one jutsu at a time, he began to get a vague idea.

Naruto continued to mould and release chakra into the air and in a distant corner of his mind, he hoped that his mother wouldn't find out that he'd gone behind her back and learned how to surpass the 100% limit of the God-Hand. "Fastest damn thing you have. We'll show those amateur, limp-wristed f*ckers how _Konoha_ snipes."

x-x

Out of the smoke of the explosion, a hand shot out. Soon, Sakura found herself pinned to the tree.

She'd misjudged the man. This level of toughness was beyond even her expectations. The explosion had stunned her even more than her opponent, who had the dynamite strapped beside his right ear?

He was demonic in his defencive ability.

_At least… please…_

The man gripped Sakura by the neck, rasing her off of the ground and pinning her to the tree.

Sakura clawed the massive hand that may spell her death. Through her fear, she felt a measure of relief.

All that remained of the man's right ear was a stubble of flesh, the bleeding of which disappeared in the rivulets that flowed form his inner ear.

_I blew it. I blew his ear-drum._

Sakura smiled, before the expression was literally choked off of her face.

"Answers! I want answers!" Tooro demanded. "What the hell kind of ninja are you?"

Tooro had the control. The situation, finally, was his again to command. He marshaled his emotions thusly. Though he had been injured, a sufficiently competent healer could be easily afforded with his take. A take he had to maximize.

Although she knew that she had to stall for time, Sakura's relief at the success of her plan evoked a response against her more conservative judgement. She smiled and gasped out: "Ma-Magical…. G-Giir-"

"Spare me the bullshit." A quick squeeze was all it would take. Her head would literally pop right off. Tempting, but Tooro held back.

A little.

"Guh! Ugh! Ah!"

"What are you?" As he had yet to extract the required information from her, he permettided her to breathe once more.

"Aca-Academic first in… in cla…ss."

"Ah, a 'smart fighter'. Then you aren't so out of place amongst these high-profiles after all. Your kind is a dying breed. More so even than the true illusionists. Do you know why?"

Sakura chose to conserve her breath rather than answer.

"While truly, knowledge equals power. _Knowledge_ can be _wrong_, whereas _power _equals _power _without such insecurity. My kind, the strong, have long since taken the world from tricksters like you."

"Not… not me."

"What?"

"Smart… but I… I'm not the thrick…ster. Sen…sei."

"Hakate Kakkashi? I suppose – "

"Naruto… sensei."

Tooro pursed his lips.

"Taught… me… principles… copied… applied… just like…. Like school."

Tooro laughed at the absurdity of it. Such a thing? Just like school? Again he was reminded that this was a child that had pushed him thus far, and he sobered quickly. "Then you will live" Tooro decided. "From the very fact that the rest of our forces have not pulled, the primary target seems to have evaded capture. Students are suitable bait, in certain circumstances. At any rate, the division of profit amongst the survivors of our little group should be quite profitable. You are all rather valuable on your own, you see."

_Oh. _Sakura thought. _So that's it. That's why… he was so passive before I attacked. Even a defencive specialist would have struck harder against Sasuke and Kiba… Drew it out… let the others die…_

_More for him…_

_I… this guy…_

_I… won't feel sorry._

"Last question, little girl. Why? Why that magical girl farce?"

"Magic... Good… tricks… are the… best… magic."

Tooro pursed his lips. "I understand the principle, but it was not sufficient as a distraction. In fact it must have been you who was the more distracted."

Magical girl. Magical girl sakura. She was… special. Yes, the thought made her smile. "I… I always wanted… was my dream." A childish dream, which she had abandoned in favor of dreaming of being Mrs. Uchiha. But still, it rung in her soul. Such a special girl. Brave. And a champion

Yes. Of love and justice.

_Love and Justice._

This guy… Sasuke-kun… and all the others!

_Love and Justice._

Tooro sensed something here. Something was misplaced and he simply could not… damnit."Answer me! Why did you go through with that farce?"

"H-Heeey." Sakura drawled, the prolonged tightening of her throat getting to her. "C-Can you… hear… me?"

Tooro froze. "_What?_" He snarled.

"Left… ear." Sakura ghasped. "Deaf… right? Always… always glancing left so…"

Tooro, in fact, was deaf in his left ear. A crippling thing for a ninja. It was actually part of the reason he so refined his chakra sense.

"C-Can you…hear…me? Or are….you…reading my…"

That blatant disregard for his questioning, even as he tightened his hold on her life, bothered him greatly."Shut up. Why the magical girl farce? Even if you had such a childish desire, in this time and place it yields no…" Tooro paused. "…I see." The man frowned. "You… you came here to die."

Tooro felt a chill run through his spine. A person that came after him prepared to die was fundamentally different from someone coming that _intended _to die.

For normally you could at least be certain that if you've reached the point where you held a person's life in your hands, that their plan must surely have failed.

"You – You're done aren't you? Your bag of tricks, you must be empty?"

"B-Bag? O…Of tricks?" It may have been the asfixiation, but Sakura giggled. "Th-This?" She, with her conserved strength, brought her bag of tricks from behind her back for the captor to inspect.

He hadn't noticed. Disorientated from the explosion, filled with the rush of victory, and suddenly deprived of a fundamental sense with which he'd grown up with (and therefore grown dependant on). He hadn't **_noticed!_** That girl! The bag she'd put on before her last charge! She'd had it behind her back the whole time…

…upside down.

With one ear naturally deaf, and the other destroyed by Magical Sakura, Tooro could not hear the hissing of fuse nor the steady thuds of small, seemingly random forms of explosives that were periodically released from the seal within the bag, but he could imagine it.

It sounded like a death knoll.

Sakura's weak arm released the bag of death, and with the last of its strength, raised up its middle finger in spite. "L-Love and… Justice… ass…hole."


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I'm so sick of disclaiming these things.

Belated April Fools! It's a fake chapter!

..

..

...

Except it's not. Got you going there though, didn't I?

* * *

Chapter 19

Thicker Than Blood.

It happened in a flash.

Naruto had been dashing desperately towards his teammate's location, along with Kakashi, his heart pounding with even greater urgency than his feet on the ground.

Kakashi said the situation wasn't shaping up, inside the barrier.

An S-ranked barrier was a shell made of a space-time split. Nothing to be taken lightly. And for his displayed confidence, he had no idea if Godhand would displace it. Godhand was no mere technique, no simple concentration of chakra, and he felt that if it were his mother she could break simply anything. But he was not his mother, and so he prayed as he could that his best would be enough.

He prayed, but he wasn't _sure_.

Sakura had been struggling for air. She had lost track of what was going on, only knowing that somewhere a fuse was reaching its end. She had brought her gambit to a close in the most extreme of measures, out of spite and loathing.

That _bastard_.

The bastard had fallen in like a mountain, set to crush them. Him, with his greater experience and body, desired to toy with the prey he was set upon. For money. For stinking _money_. That she was a shinobi as well, and a mercenary for hire, only dimly seemed to matter. It was no ethical comparison. It was pride and love. Her friends would not die with their lives weighed in gold. Kiba had been brave, Shino had been noble. Sasuke.

That bastard had **_taken_** Sasuke-kun.

And she **would** kill him for it.

She would have liked to see her face, then. In those last moments. She wished that her sight were not so blurred, that she could stare into the oaf's wide, disbelieving eyes and see her own distorted reflection therein.

There was a shadow of a clinical curiosity in her.

She wished she could see, for once in her life, the face of Sakura Haruno as she really _did _something. As she truly _hated_ another human being, from the depths of her heart.

For she **did** hate him.

When she died, if she found herself before heaven's gates she would turn around. She would gladly forsake that place if it meant she could drag this bastard **personally** to hell.

That was how deeply she wanted to hurt this man.

In some part of his mind, Naruto knew his efforts would not work. In some part of her mind, Sakura knew the shrapnel from her explosion would ruin what little hope for survival that her teammates might still have.

But they didn't know what they could do about that, except hope, and so teacher and student instinctively set it out of mind.

It was then, during that time when destiny makes it so clear that a person can practically feel the weight of the next few moments, that it happened.

It happened in a flash.

The invisible barrier, thought to be so mighty, **shattered**. Its distorted shards began to fall.

The mirror that had split apart space and time spun and fell in fragments, like so much shattered glass. A sliver of darkness flittered across the vision of only the most acutely aware, and dove directly into the ground as if the solid earth were nothing but a diving pool. It took the explosives, Tooru , and even the barrier crafter with it – sinking them with a powerful Doton Jutsu.

Sakura fell to her rump in a daze, the bastard nowhere to be seen.

Naruto took a few more steps before he registered that the enormous barrier had disappeared in the distance, and reached out with his acute senses in confusion.

Kakashi's shoulder's slumped. "She showed herself." He muttered gratefully.

Naruto and Sakura both were overcome with a sense of disorientation, and of sudden perspective.

The momentousness of the situation had been settled not with the controlled explosive force of Godhand, and not with the reckless suicide gambit of Sakura's hatred.

It was simply snuffed out.

And they knew, in that moment, that they truly were just kids.

It was… a supremely humbling experience.

x—x

Naruto dashed into the clearing, seeking out his allies. "Everyone! Everyone, are you all right?"

They were set to one side, lined up. They looked peaceful.

That wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"_They're fine." _A voice whispered.

In shock, because he hadn't heard, seen, nor felt a single thing approach him, he spun on his heel, into a wide backhand strike.

Doing so, he felt slender hands grasp his shoulder blades, and nothing else. The source of the voice had disappeared.

"_I'm sorry"_ the voice repeated.

There was a shifting sound behind Naruto, and he belatedly realized that one slender hand still rested comfortably on his shoulder blade. _She rode me_. Naruto deduced with a start. _She made herself lighter, or moved with me, and piggybacked to remain behind me – out of sight and out of range. _

What an obtuse, inventive, and effective tactic.

But that was not the most alarming. Naruto had met with many assassins, and knew that he would meet with many ninjas of enemy countries in his life.

But this was different.

This was no ninja.

This was nothing mortal at all, and he only prayed that the thing's whispered apology wasn't for taking his life.

He hadn't felt the presence. Not before it had begun talking, not after, and not even _during_ it's speech.

It was like conversing with a ghost, and a primal sense of fear gripped his heart as he begun to grasp the enormity of the gap between him and this new factor. Such a gap was wider than the ocean itself.

The rustling behind him stopped. "There. Is that better?"

And suddenly she became so real. Her breathing, her chakra signature, the scent of antiseptics…

They suddenly flooded his senses, and he knew it was because he was being allowed. He knew that it was because the ghost took special care to be discernable.

And It was more real than a lot of things in his transient travelling lifestyle. "Nee-chan?" he asked, weakly.

"**Don't turn around!**" Shizune said quickly, pre-empting her otoutou with a slender hand on his cheek. "I…I don't want you to see me like this." She finished, guiltily.

As his sister's gentle hand departed from his cheek, it had left a viscous substance behind. Naruto couldn't eyeball it but he knew well what it was. _Blood, huh?_

Was his sister powerful? Of _course_ she was. He wasn't an idiot. Naruto could admit, of course, that he did lack _some_ common knowledge. He was perhaps oblivious to some things he should not be of.

But he would never overlook his family.

Really, there were so many tips. The way she could always find him when he was getting into trouble…

"_Otoutou. No swearing. Eh? Yes, I just came all the way from the docks – don't' change the topic. How did I find you? My sister sense was tingling. How did I get here so fast? Um… Sister… speed… Don't change the topic!"_

The way she, despite being so homely and kind, was always the one to handle their nightly assassins in the leaf villiage…

"_Watch your step, Naruto-kun. It feels like people have started to go for quantity over quality, lately. I had to – oh watch out. I was wondering if you could start stacking them for me?"_

And even the whispers of terror that never left her victims' lips…

_"With a skillet? Why with a **skillet?** I will **never eat again**."_

No, he knew about his sister. Not in detail, but he knew she was no noble warrior. She was a viper. A killer. A terror to her enemies.

Who cared?

"It's okay." He reassured, even as he felt his sister palm healing chakra into him. He hissed as he felt the numerous lacerations on his person begin to close.

"It's not." Shizune objected, dourly. "My skills were supposed to be sealed. I'd buried this part of me a long time ago. 'Eclipse' was my codename when I was in the ANBU. It was a name whispered and revered in _fear_ by my allies. This black mask I wear represents _power_ that got me nothing, _respect_ that won me nothing, and _fear_ that kept me in a _state_ of **nothing**. I buried that fearful woman, Eclipse, to never see the light of day again, and I was _relieved_ to kill that part of me. But after seeing you attacked in Konoha all those years ago… I'd felt so _helpless_. And I knew then that being powerless is a pitiful thing – because I have something to protect now." She said gently. "But please don't turn around. Only your good sister should be reflected in your eyes. That's the _real_ me. At least… I hope so."

"I don't really get it. You're my Nee-chan, so it isn't like I could be any more terrified of you than your scolding marathons and your ramen-bans already make me..." Naruto mused, reminiscing on numerous nights of terror. "But okay" he finished.

He was quite complacent either way. He didn't care. Fear? Terror? To him, the mere phantom of the _shadow _of the thought of losing that one constant in his transient lifestyle …

It was beyond comprehension.

_Oh, Otoutou… My Otoutou…_ _Wait, am I that bad?_ Shizune's lips tugged to a wry smile. "Otoutou." Shizune answered. "Tsunade-sama had me be your shadow this time."

"This time…" Naruto whispered.

"You don't sound that surprised. Were you able to feel it? Years of assassins have made you sharp to watchers. That's good. You've usually had a shadow, when you went off alone. And it was generally me. It was kept secret, so that you could have the sensation of handling an ambush with no sense of backup, as that is unparalleled training. But now it is time for you to know the _truth_. I was always there. I rarely had to interfere directly in your scuffles, but I always kept the enemies that were too strong away from you. I filtered them, you could say." Shizune admitted. "But things are different now. You're a real Gennin. You're a warrior, and you're strong. So you deserve to understand what's going on. This attack was too organized, and too saturated in delicate Intel."

"It was planned" Naruto nodded.

"From the _inside_." Shizune supplemented. "A power player in Konoha is moving against the Houous. I have scoured this entire area of enemies, from the shadows, but the mastermind's true objective is to strike with the other prong. Tsunade-sama… is in danger."

Naruto was silent.

"I can't say what the enemy's exact objective would be, as that is the responsibility of the real Shizune."

"You're a clone." Naruto surmised. A shadow-clone, if she could do ijutsu.

Shizune nodded behind her brother. "By now, the real me should be on her way to Konohagakure."

Naruto abruptly turned to face her, and Shizune gasped. As she had left 'eclipse mode', it was with surprise that she was caught, and attempted to cover her bloody robes with crimson-stained hands.

And it was not just her robe. Her face. Her hair. Even her sandals. She was as red as she was anything else, her outfit the victim of splatters and sprays, as if she had been more a butcher than a warrior.

Naruto didn't blink. He'd expected as much. "You should dispel" he advised. "The farther away you are, the harder it will be to salvage the leftover chakra."

"I-I can provide some protection for a few more hours, at least." Shizune objected. "And _don't look_!" The mortified sister reached to turn her brother around, and was abruptly tackled.

As Naruto held his dear, dear sister, he replied with all his heart "It doesn't matter. Really. Blood does not connect us, and it will not separate us. Our family bonds are _thicker_ than blood, stronger than _steel_. Thank you, Nee-chan, for _always_ protecting me." _I am very grateful to have a family at all. Doubly so for a sister like you._

Shizune was touched. She was soothed. Eclipse was her dark past, her constant worry, and for it to be accepted by one of the few whom she loved in this world... Tears welled, and smeared the caked blood on her cheeks, as they fell without concern. "Otoutou… thank you. That means so much to your tired, weary sister." She ruffled his hair.

Naruto nodded into her chest, and focused chakra into a single point on his index finger. "You be careful, Nee-chan."

Boom. The finger-flick of god was not the strongest form of godhand by any stretch, but it was much heavier than a punch and more than sufficed for any shadow clone.

And as she dissipated, Naruto thought he saw the beginning of a brief, disapproving look on his sister's face.

"I'm in for such a scolding when I get back." Naruto mused to himself, as the whisps of smoke cleared.

x—x

Shizune paused in her mad dash abruptly, staring to the east. She felt herself instinctively recall the energy foundation of her abruptly dissipated clone and scowled as the appropriate memories returned as well. "He is in for such a scolding when he gets back." She muttered in promise to herself.

_But Naruto… that technique, the finger-flick of god… you remember right? It's your mother's 'proof of ID'. It's proof of your inheritance. I know that I shouldn't worry so much about Tsunade-sama's heir. It's just… well, it's the right of all big sisters, I guess. _

_Just be careful._

x—x

Sakura sighed, hugging her knees to her chest as she rested in the 'backup caravan' that the masked woman – apparently shizune – had carted them into. Where the woman had materialized such a thing was the last thing on her mind, as she was instead plagued with worry for her friend and teacher.

"_You're going forwards?" Sakura asked, in alarm. _

"_Yeah. Alone." Naruto grunted, sorting out the sachel that Sakura had used in her fight. "You're all recovering from injuries. Really, only nee-chan could heal you all so quickly. But you need to rest, and you're low on stamina. Even the sensei's are going to be dead weight for a while." He nodded. He had kept reserves, thinking that he would have people to save and badguys to take out, but his sister had seen to al of that. "Looks like all the medical supplies are intact" he assessed approvingly. _

"_But – But that's crazy!" Sakura objected, staggering to stand up to her teacher. Shizune, or at least her clone, had healed everyone in a flash before Naruto had even made it onto the scene. It had been terrifying to have the masked, black-robed figure silently reach out with ephemeral, glowing green hands. Sakura had instantly pegged the stranger, who had no presence at all, as the Shinigami's helper and screamed her lungs out. _

_But that aside, the pinkette was healed. Unfortunately that didn't make her any less exhausted. Naruto would be the same. "We're not prepared for this!" Sakura objected. "And your sister just left! And!" Sakura choked, tears forming. "A-A-And I… I don't want anyone to die!" Sakura shouted desperately._

_What meagre strength her indignation had produced left her and she fell to the ground, sobbing. "I-I don't. I was so–"_

_Kiba. Shino. Akamaru. Sasuke. _

_They had almost died. And it wasn't like in the stories at all. It was real. So real. Too real. _

_They had almost **died**._

"_Neither do I." Naruto sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Where I'm going, there are millions of people. And I don't want any one of them to die."_

The boy that made her normal self into something... might soon himself be reduced to nothing. She didn't like the thought of that.

But what could she do?

Nobody could stop him from simply running off, which he had done. They were all too weak and battle weary, even the teachers. Kurenai-sensei had used several high-tier genjutsu during the battle, and Kakashi had cycled a hundred of the jutsu from his considerable repertoire in vain attempts against the barrier. Sasuke-kun was unconscious, as was Kiba. Shino was taking perhaps _too _well to the painkillers he had received. And Hinata? Hinata's mysterious flipping out seemed so obvious in retrospect. She had been hit by a genjutsu, stealthily. With the element of surprise to her unprepared and shaken mind in the close aftermath of the initial attack, she had been a textbook sitting duck for the worst of the worst of genjutsu. Worse, no one had assessed the heiress for what she was. During the entire time of the fight she had been trapped in... something.

Something so personally terrible that thoughts for kai – or any thoughts at all – were muted and lost as soon as they were formed.

The genjutsu was gone, but the pain and fear would remain, so Hinata had been forced into unconsciousness.

Sakura herself was doing none too well. She had used several low-yield jutsu, yes, but she'd used them gratuitously and precision manipulation taxed the mind dearly.

No... that wasn't why she hadn't stopped Naruto-kun. She could have tried more if she really put the effort up. She could have forced herself to follow him, and back him up as she was able, like a proper teammate.

She was just scared.

Again, her weakness stared her in the face.

But... But she would get stronger one day.

One day.

And she'd bear whatever embarrassment and dive headfirst into 'Magical Sakura' if that was the crutch she needed to vault herself forwards.

It was the least she could do.

End 'Water Arc: Part 1"

* * *

A/N:

Review a song campaign: 1 review of my BETA's song = next chapter within a week (or so.) See my author's page for details. Otherwise, don't worry: I'll see you when I eventually make time for stuff.

Story itself: Let me tell you, I know what you are all thinking. And I agree, but it coudln't be helped. To be honest, I wanted badly to title this chapter "Deus Ex Shizune-cha" but that would be dumb. But I did foreshadow this. Rather, it's a surprise that no one wondered where Naruto's 'shadow' was at. And I attempted to execute the Deus Ex with some quality.

My current writing focus is on 'image' as I have recently felt that there is a disconnect between the story as I see it and the one that you read. My BETA pointed it out. I have come to understand that 'image' is a huge, difficult thing to master. It even involves your reading speed - so I have a far way to go.

Also, chapters will probably be shorter, more frequent, and end in order to make a sharper transition than the x-x things.

Also, ima put arcs in this thing. I r expiramenting.

Questions from the Author: How is the image (what you visually see as you read)? How is the use of _italics _and **bold**. Do they help to understand the emotion? Would more be helpful to clarify or are they annoying?


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I'm so sick of disclaiming these things. Seriously, do I even need to? Is it just tradition or what?

This chapter was been (sort of) brought to you by the Review a Song campaign.

* * *

Water Country Arc: Part 2

Chapter 20

The Sudden Storm

It was hard to see through this weather. _Thousands_ of raindrops littered the vision, and torrential winds had a tendency to _hurl_ that water into a traveller's face.

It was also hard to walk, with the previous dirt-packed road eroding into a marsh-like consistency of mud.

The howls of the wind chilled the soul…

The beating of the rain deafened the ears…

This was the state of the eastern shore.

Because of the limitation of sight, Naruto couldn't say he _spotted _the next port, exactly. He rather just stumbled onto it.

Or what remained of it.

Soaked and rotten wood littered the ground, the remains of ships washed ashore.

Naruto allowed himself a moment to take in the sight, and reflect on his past efforts.

Damn.

How many… just how _many?_

How many ports had he _visited?_

How _long_ had he been walking through this hellish torrent?

This one… please…

_Please!_

It was into a dilapidated dock bar that lined this violent scene that Naruto walked into. The bar had been secured with tarp and line, so the only real light source of the commons were the various swinging lamps attached to every wall. There was the constant sound of water striking the tarp outside, like the restless beating of an army of drums, and an almost periodic howl from the wind.

The ceiling was high, the interior old fashioned.

The patrons… There were 3 patrons.

Naruto would have jumped for joy at seeing signs of life in the watery wasteland that the entire eastern shore had become…

But even his enthusiastic personality had been beaten down, after so many failed attempts.

Naruto walked in, and the door gave a protesting groan as the winds slammed it shut.

Hair that would be windswept if it weren't so matted to his forehead with water covered his family diamond, and the quality white jacket he wore was mudded by weather and torn from his previous fight. He looked a begraddled beggar.

A man stood, greyed and muscled. And Naruto assessed him as both gruff and reckless. He was gruff, likely from years of battles between himself and the sea, and he was proved reckless by seeking out alcohol rather than securing his own house from the winds.

Or, Naruto considered as he looked at the man's raggy attire, without a home to secure.

The man spoke. "What do you want, kid? This ain't no place to serve _milk_."

Naruto shook his head. "I'd be crazy to be thirsty in this weather, old man."

The man scoffed, turning back to nursing his brew.

"Need a hand, traveller?" The bartender – a balding and thin-faced, pale man – asked wearily. His establishment wasn't much one for children, being normally a den of sailors and merchants. Exotic brews and exotic women had passed through his modest business in equal measure, and both were equal poison to an unprepared youth.

But he was an old and experienced barkeep. And he learned long ago that when a lone boy, of any size, strides into your bar and immediately looks to the rafters and the foreheads of your patrons... you treat that boy as a man.

A Ninja disguised as a kid?

A Kid that was an experienced ninja?

A samurai in training?

A martial artist?

After years and years of being in the business, the man had learned one jewel of wisdom that he wouldn't trade his entire till for: _It_ d_idn't matter_. They were _all_ lousy tippers, and meant as much trouble as _any other_ force of nature that a barrister must endure.

The child took a seat at the bar, opening his satchel and retrieved a torn hitai-ate to show the barkeep.

It was protocol for ninja that had their hitai-ate somehow damaged. They were required by law to provide equivalence to the proof of their profession wherever they went.

The barkeep swore under his breath. "Can I help you?" he asked nervously. He had no idea if his place would make the night as it stood. A ninja atop that-! "I'd like to offer you a warm cup of sake, stranger, on the house. But I'll require some further identification." His eyes found a particular gash in the blonde's outfit and fixated on it. If he could find the true age of the ninja at least...

"_ID?_" The stranger asked, an amused and disbelieving tilt invading his tone. Without looking up his right hand shot out towards the barkeep, stopping just below his chin and...

"No." The boy shook his head, after a second. "I'm here on serious business." He reminded himself. "I don't want a drink anyway. Look, I need a boat." He said seriously.

He was not taken thus.

All three of the patrons laughed uproariously.

"A boat?" The gruff man from before stood. "A _boat_, he says! And _sailors_ to man it too, I'd wager! And a cure for cancer while we're at it!" He roared appealingly to the room. "We've got another fool on our hands!" The man declared, as if Naruto was strange enough to be on display. "You should get dry and give up, as the little lady upstairs has."

Naruto considered the man's words. So there was another before him.

The two other drunkards held their mugs up in support of the forthcoming reprimand of the stranger. They sat side by side, rigidly. Their features were difficult to discern, in the dim lamplight of the bar, but they sat as mirror images of eachother.

The grey muscleman gave a bitter guffaw. "Boy, you've just arrived and I'm sure you think this is a lovely little storm we have here on our hands, and that it will be gone in the morning." The man paused, staring far off to where none but he could see. And a shadow of hurt caressed his gruff, grey features. "I had a boat. It was a fine boat. My d... my dog was on that boat – I know it sounds foolish, worrying for a dog. But he was not just any dog. He was mine, and his name was Wolfer… On the fifth day of this demonic storm – not the second, nor the first, but the _fifth _day of this hellish state my boat and pet both were dashed to a hundred thousand pieces!" He exclaimed, swinging his mug in a wide arc. He would have splashed the already drenched Naruto with his spillage, if the boy hadn't deftly sidestepped it.

Hey, if it was dealing with drunkards, he was an old hat at it.

"Mine was the last boat destroyed, boy." The man said, a mixture of pride and pain in his voice. "The last. What a title. She lasted the longest, but what _good_ is it? She was dashed on the fifth day and that was two days ago. That was..."

Naruto frowned.

A week-long storm, and not a sliver of chakra in sight. It would be a national disaster, when news of it reached inland.

"How wide is the area?" Naruto asked, for he had yet to get a proper scope of it.

But the man was nonresponsive.

The barkeep spoke up. "Of the entire eastern shore, as far as three days walk north or south can take you in this weather, you will find nothing but the same."

Naruto ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Damn. That had been even farther than he had feared.

"I need to get across the sea." Naruto insisted. "I need a way. But all the boats are _destroyed_. There _must_ be another way – there _always _is. But I don't know the sea. So let's put our heads together!" He challenged the inhabitants, stepping onto a table and holding out his arms. "Let's find a way _out_ of this!"

Nothing.

Not derision, nor acceptance.

Just... nothing. Despair began to grip Naruto's heart. Not again.

The barkeep continued to quietly wipe his glass mug. "If you've pressing business abroad then I'm afraid it's a fool's errand."

"_Fool's_ errand?" Naruto echoed. "Then _call_ me a _fool_." He challenged, looking to the barkeep and the patrons. "Look at me – what a _fool_ I am. Aren't you going to _laugh?_" He asked, archingly. "Or are you just going to sit there and _give up_ on life? ! Come on! I've been to many bars like this one, but everywhere else was _abandoned_ or filled with _soulless husks_ that wouldn't even look at me! _Come on!_" He yelled. "You had _some_ fire! You used it to insult me but it was something to _work_ with! Come **_on!_**"

"Pointless." The gruff man said. "You're a fool."

"I've heard that one _already_." Naruto grit his teeth and objected. "And me? I'm a fool?" Quickly, Naruto bounded between bar tables to the man's area. He crouched by the man's head and forcefully pulled down his bottom lip. A sight of spongy gums upon the man's pale face greeted him. "_Scurvy._" Naruto scoffed. "F*cking _scurvy_. As a sailor, there's _no way_ you're going to tell me that you didn't _see it coming_."

"_Leave _off." The man grunted, pushing Naruto's hand away.

"You've all given up." Naruto declared as he rose again to be standing on the table. "_All_ of you. You two are a _joke_." The blonde pointed to the two silent patrons. "You're just going through the _motions_." He pointed at the barkeep. "And you're _waiting_ to _die_." He finally pointed at the patron seated at the table he was standing on. "You aren't doing a _damn_ thing!" Naruto exclaimed in exhasperation. "Can't you _help me out_?"

"Leave. Us. _Be_." The grey sailor insisted, dangerously.

Naruto got off of the table, and instead slid into the chair opposite the old sailor. "Do you think it's so terrible? Shit, yes. Okay, life sucks right now." Naruto admitted. "I get it. But there are _millions_ of people counting on me across the see. I have to get there – I'm not just screwing around!"

The man scoffed. "_Milloins_ of people, brat? Aren't _you_ full of yourself? Just what do you think you are, anyway?"

"I'm a healer." Naruto replied, as if he had been awaiting the cue. "And across the sea is a country comprised entirely of small islands. They have ninjas, and all are gifted with water element affinity, but they could only hold back nature for so long. When they get tired, their country, their homes, their entire way of life will be swallowed up by the tide and the wave. Is that okay with you?" Naruto demanded. "Warriors of the sea, you're going to just _forsake_ others to the waves?"

"What do you expect us to **do?**" The man demanded.

"Just **get me there.**" Naruto growled. "**Please.**"

"And what will _you _do?"

"I am a healer." Naruto reaffirmed. "I will heal it."

The man raised a brow. "You mean the victims?"

Naruto shook his head. "I mean the sea."

The gruff man stared at the young pup he was arguing with, before shifting his stare to his mug. Holy shit, was he that drunk? No, wait… he wasn't.

He looked back at the pup.

Then he pinched himself. "You're insane." He finally said in a kind of delayed awe. "The cold's hit you in the head and knocked out what _little_ fool sense it found there."

"I'd rather be crazy than a damn quitter _waiting_ to die!" Naruto spat.

Digging in his pockets for something particular, he gave it to the man. "Here, take these vitamins and _cool_ your head." They would help the sailor's scurvy, both knew.

The man growled with the full amount of his gruffness. "I don't _want_ to be healed. I won't take them. What then, _great_ healer? How would you heal the sea if you can't even heal me?" The man scoffed. "It's hopeless. Your chances are the same to either task. Zero."

"Oh." Naruto's eye took on a dangerous glint. "You said something good there." He assessed. "Very well," he slammed the vitamins upon the table, "I will show you how to win a zero-chance bet. I will get you to take the vitamins and I will not force you. It is nothing for me."

"You think I'm an _idiot_? You think I'm a _coward_?" The man, growling, asked. "I know well of scurvy and death. And I desire both!"

"As a sailor, why are you even _thinking_ of dying here, in a damp bar above a salty pitcher of beer?" Naruto asked. "It's pathetic. If you talk of dying, don't you talk of dying at sea?"

"I have no _boat!_" The man yelled in anger.

Naruto slammed his hands on the table, careful not to shatter it, yet shaking it terribly. "Help me _find one_!"

The man similarly slammed his hands on the table. His arms were larger, and the table _did _jump from his violence. "ENOUGH! Just - Just STOP IT!"

Naruto stared at the angry, beaten man, and sighed as he sat down. "Whatever," he said, looking away.

The man, feeling the abrupt finality of it… feeling that he had finally got his way… sat down as well – tiredly.

And… somehow a little disappointedly.

No. It was a fool's errand. Sweet words and nothing more. Somehow, the boy lit a bit of fire in him, but it was an illusion. It was a warm illusion.

Of _course_ he wanted to sail. He had been born on the sea. He had lived on the sea. Embraced it. Relied on it. And even now, after the sea had devoured everything he had ever cared for… he still loved it. For he never would have had those things in the first place, if not for that azure treasure.

Of c…

Of course he didn't want to die here in a goddamn bar.

But…

He would not die a fool. He would die as he desired. He took a swing of his mug, and finished the brew.

He would –.

The man held his throat in surprise.

"Y-You…" The man regarded the child in unparalleled shock.

A flat stare met him. Waiting.

"You said you would not force me." The man objected, feeling the pills slip down his throat.

"I didn't do it." Naruto replied. "You did it." He placed a palm on the table for emphasis. "With your own hands."

When… When he had slammed the table? The pills bounced? "The… the chances of them actually dropping in my mug are idiotic." He objected, weakened by the shock.

"Oh. You said another good thing. It's a _fool's_ bet right? Right." Naruto nodded. "When they lifted, I moved the mug so that the vitamins would drop in it. So I hope you understand," Naruto narrowed his eyes, "when I tell you that I am the **_king_**_of fool's bets_."

"That's… That's cheating." The man objected, awed by the audacity.

Naruto's serious, flat look remained. He did his levelled best to imbue his speech with the full weight of his sincerity. This _had_ to work. "Old man, miracles aren't like this damn rain. They aren't just going to _fall_ from the sky. We have to get up and _make_ it happen! It _can_ happen, if we _try_! I was originally travelling towards water country for something else, and then I found this ridiculous state of nature. But I _know _what is happening. I can't _tell _you what it is, but I _can _tell you that I can _fix _it." Naruto sincerely repeated. "I can _fix _it. I _promise._"

"I…"

"Help me." Naruto insisted. "There are a million ways to die. You didn't _need_ to take scurvy. In your heart, you miss the sea."

"I…"

"One more time." Naruto pleaded. "Just _once_ more!"

"…N-No." The man's withered hands, mere weeks ago so proud and strong, shook from the booze. "No. I… No."

He seemed to fold in on himself, physically and mentally. And no matter what Naruto tried, the man would say no more than a hollow 'No'.

Silently, Naruto stood up. Damn. Damn.

Damn!

He looked to the barkeep, who kept his eyes on the same glass he'd been wiping since Naruto had entered.

Damn.

The two in the corner, silent and cloaked.

Damn!

Without a word he walked again into the rain, the wind, and the cold. Again, the sleet struck him with force and chill like so many tiny needles of ice.

The door closed behind him, slammed by the wind, with a protesting groan.

His clothes that had barely begun to dry were once more saturated in seconds.

And he was not one step closer to his goal.

Damn.

* * *

A/N:

Review a song campaign: 1 review of my BETA's song = next chapter within a week (or so.) See my author's page for details. Otherwise, don't worry: I'll see you when I eventually make time for stuff.

Story itself: I was origionally going to title this chapter Hurricane Naruto (bitchin' reference no jutsu), but I realized that maybe 1% of you would actually get the reference.

Anyone that saw this turn of events gets a digital, metaphorical (fake) cookie. Anyone that forsees the next turn of events gets two coockies.

Anyone that can predict who the next enemies are, gets the mutha*ing coockie-jar.

Anyone that predicted I would update so quickly, I call bullshit on thee.

Survey Time! Isn't that wonderful?: Okay, rankings pls. D being 'it sucked'. S being 'it was perfect'

Mysteriousness.

Emotionality.

Imagery.

Also, Image test: Please give an impression of the bar imagery. If you are having trouble describing your experience, here are some pre-configured answers:

I imagined the bar based on the author's descriptions, including the lamplight, the sound of the rain and wind, and the general image of the bar.

I read the bar description, but then forgot about it, and just thought of a bar in general for the setting.

I always skip descriptive paragraphs anyways, so I don't even know what you're talking about.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: If I did own Naruto, Shippuden would be 50% more awesome and have 3000% more continuity.

But then that's not saying much (I have a grudge against shippuden).

* * *

Chapter 21

The Noble Fool.

The lone ninja stared at what he could make out of the muddy path before him. It was not much. The hurricane obscured his sight.

He should go back and ask how far it was to the next port. He should. But he didn't know that he could stomach to see those people once more.

They were sick. In the heart. And it seemed he was not healer enough to aid them.

Damn.

He walked slowly forwards, for he had far to go and had need to preserve his chakra.

He walked and walked, and through the deafening roar of wind and rain, he knew it was impossible to hear a second lonely creak behind him.

But he knew that it must be there.

He pretended not to sense the two cloaked bar patrons approach him cautiously from the back.

_They're coming._

He was expecting them.

He'd known what they were halfway through his argument with the old man. They only ever revealed one hand and their postures were too rigid for true drinkers, being limited by resting something heavy beneath their cloaks upon the dirty bar room floor.

The torrential rain obscured both footsteps and breathing, and he presumed that the people behind him were counting on this to make him oblivious to their movements. Yet they had little skill in the way of chakra obscurance.

From this, Naruto could derive two things. One, they were of a different group than those that had attacked the caravan, if their intel on him was so poor.

And two, he now had the element of surprise.

Yes.

He knew they were coming. And for the first time in his long history of being targeted for assassination… he… he _wanted _it.

He had been having a **bad **week and he needed something to _hit_.

Yes. They would be his lone silver lining to this dreary state of nature.

Their chakra flared in preparation to attack and Naruto spun around abruptly to surprise _them _that he would be an alert quarry, after all.

Yet, as he spun around, his heart raced to see what he would have never expected. _Time_ seemed to slow and Naruto could practically make out the manifold individual raindrops.

For in that moment, he saw with horror…

The man.

So _weak_. So _tired_. He'd no physical energy to speak of, that Naruto could sense with his acute skill.

But he somewhat made out through the rain… the remaining handle of a broken, empty mug in the man's hand. And a rebreather-wearing, cloaked ninja standing with glass shards in his hair.

"Run!" The man yelled, hurling his large form at the cloaked assailant. "You damned fool!"

N…

No.

Naruto was already moving, dashing for the true fool between the two of them, heart pounding.

How? _Why?_ The old man hadn't even raised a hand for himself. He wouldn't even eat a _damn_ vitamin to _save _his own _life_.

_Why? _

Naruto was too late, the assailants too fast, and the distance simply too significant.

The man fell to the floor, chest slashed.

Naruto made this out, even through the heavy rain and the darkened sky. A man had fallen for him. Before his eyes. A _civilian _and a poor, pained soul that had stood up from the pit of despair to do what he thought was right…

It was so **_stupid_**! So **_futile_**! There was barely any strategic value from civilian interference, if the enemy was skilled enough.

And if they weren't that skilled, then _who **cared**?_

But the man _wouldn't _have _known _that.

_Because _he was a civilian.

A scream of sudden rage died in Naruto's throat. He had been having a _bad _week, and he _would not _allow the man to die for him!

The nuke-nin that hadn't been dealing with the interloper dashed to intercept Naruto and they met in the dim light below sun-stealing rainclouds – a clash of steel on flesh.

Naruto growled, holding back the larger ninja's clawed hand. "_Out of my **way**_." He warned in a low tone. "You've _lost_ your edge."

They'd never had an edge.

But he would give them one chance to back down. He would give them _one_ chance to let this end with all their bones intact – the minutes he would save were that precious.

Had to end this **_fast_**.

The old man…

Blood-loss?

No, infection from the mud.

Shit.

The clawed hand closed around Naruto's arm, even as they stalemated. The claw was sharp, but the metal itself was less sturdy than Naruto's reinforced skin. The metal cried out in protest as it scratched meaninglessly upon him, but it's small wails were swallowed by a sudden howl from the wind. "You're strong." The assailant admitted with a hiss. "But you're just a _boy_."

Fine.

Naruto growled out to his obstacle: "_Whatever._" Naruto focused on the hand that was interlocked with his opponent's large claw.

A moderate godhand charge, and the assailant had to stagger backwards with his unwieldy weapon flung above his head. Naruto stepped in. The assailant attempted to stagger back, eyes wide.

But he could not.

"Ngh!" The cloaked man grunted, feeling his right foot crushed. Eyes darting downwards, he had enough time to register his foot being stepped on with alarming force, before being struck by a slugger of a blow to his sternum.

It was no fancy godhand, and no true taijutsu technique. It was pure reinforcement and long nights of strength training.

So the man crumpled around Naruto's fist, rather than be blasted away.

Abruptly, Naruto spun the passed out man around as he fell, grasped him by the neck, and held his limp body towards his comrade. "Hostage trade!" He barked sharply. "Or I _blast_ his neck to _pieces!_"

It was a bluff. He wouldn't kill for nothing. He wasn't so foolish.

But from his frustration and the way they had struck down a civilian with such indifference… he would beat them black, blue, and bloody if he had the time.

So his malevolence was _very _convincing.

The remaining rebreather-wearing man hissed low. That damn old fool had distracted him, and the brat so easily… so _quickly!_

The child was more than he seemed.

If only they had been able to attack _together_, from the _shadows _and with their _chain_. Conditions were _ideal_. The rain made it so hard to hear that they could have gotten the _perfect _drop on their foe. Their element _saturated _the field of battle. And they were going to strike in a moment of _emotional turmoil_.

Textbook _perfect _conditions-!

But that _damn_ old man!

The old man… The demon brother looked down at the bleeding, unconscious man. "You're going to make up for ruining our mark." He muttered to the corpse.

The child was on a different platou. A different paradigm. The assassin could feel this, and was not ashamed. He knew well that there were those in the world both young and fearsome. The assailant accepted that he was no direct match without his brother, and he would not escape.

Could not.

His compatriots were not so _accepting_.

If he could just scrape the boy in passing! These claws were coated in poison – uncommon poison he had acquired from his associates. The poison would not wash away or dissolve with the rain, and was a competent paralytic agent.

If he could make the exchange close, and just _scratch _the boy to break the skin, and then retreat.

And just stay alive after that…

Even with a scratch and a few minutes… if he just stalled then the boy's movements would slow… Just stall!

He could play possum with this foe all_ day!_ The field of battle was _saturated _in his _element!_

"All right!" The nuke-nin assented in farce, having to shout over the beating of the weather. "We'll trade hostages! But how do I know I can trust you?"

"_You **really** can't_." Naruto growled.

From behind him.

Shit!

Too late, the nuke-nin attempted to react to the boy suddenly appearing behind him.

Before he had half-turned, he felt a hand grasp his upper and lower arm, straigtening the appendage. Moments later, a tremendous explosive force shattered the bones in his upper arm. In the next few moments he was immediately pinned to the muddy ground beside his so-called hostage, letting loose a scream of searing pain.

"Hard to _hear_ in this _rain_." A dark whisper cut through the torrent around them, sending shivers of fear down the man's spine. "_Isn't_ it?" Naruto asked, with a dark fury. "_You **shouldn't** have looked **away**_."

In the distance, a Kage-bunshin began to drag the unconscious brother over to the real Naruto.

Naruto made another clone, who inspected the old man as he continued to pin the beaten nin. The wound would be easy; the infection from this muddy ground would be another matter. But it could be solved with ijutsu, and Naruto's clone did so.

But for the worst, there had been poison on those claws, if the man's vitals were any indication.

He siphoned out what he could – which wasn't much. He had taken too long and the poison was already in circulation.

Naruto saw this, and demanded to know what poison was used.

"Y-You're still a _child_." The nin replied, faintly, but madly through the pain. "You c-can't make me talk! You don't have the - "

Naruto interrupted the assailant with a tug on the ruined arm, sending the nin into another wail of pain. Rallying his frustration and his anger, he warned in a vicious voice: "Having _trouble_ being coherant? Listen carefully, because _you_ don't have the _time_ to hear this _twice_. I have broken your upper arm at an angle that has _cut_ the brachial artery in your upper arm with shattered bone. Right now, _every_ beat of your heart is pumping 30cc of blood out of your circulatory system. Symptoms will develop before I even finish explaining them to you – your skin will appear bruised by trapped blood. You will _leak _life fluid from every orifice on your body – including _several _you are not _now_ considering. You will enter terminal shock and die in _five minutes_ unless _I _treat you. Now, I have one question: What POISON did you USE?" He demanded.

"B-Butterfly dew!" Came the strangled reply.

"Have you the serum? Are you personally immune?"

"I do not!" The man wailed. "I am not! I received the poison from another!"

Shit.

Naruto healed the man's wounds quickly, but he was weak and already with illness. In this state, he had been poisoned.

Butterfly dew…

Damn. That was new.

Never heard of it.

Hadn't the serum.

He would… have to make it.

But to make a serum, in such an amount of time…

He would have to…

It had been meaningless for him to interfere. It had been such a fool thing.

…

Damn.

"Us fools should stick together." He informed his patient, as he picked his larger form up easily. "So don't you die on me here."

x-x

The barkeep did his best to keep his attention fixated on the mug he was drying, and be as unassuming as possible as the stranger came barging back into the room. The lonely creak of the door screamed in urgency. "I need a bed, and drink." He said, sternly.

The barkeep did not look up. "If you need drink, stranger, you'll need ID."

"Just orange juice." Naruto corrected. "Or any kind of juice, really."

"Excuse me," a kimono robed figure stood to attention, a wooden medicine box characteristic of an apothecary strapped to her back. "Do you require assistance? I am an apothecary in training."

She stood, slightly taller than him, and he supposed a few years older. Long, black, straight hair remained unnaturally well-kept considering the weather, and framed gentle and smooth features. She wore a casual kimono of undyed cotton, clearly intended for travel. She didn't seem to have the stature of one familiar with carrying an apothecary's chest of medicines, being slender and frail by stature.

Yet she showed no signs of strain, and the weight seemed familiar on her form. She possessed a hidden strength, or rudimentary knowledge in the ways of chakra.

Which wasn't that odd, for a traveller.

So _she_ was the other who came before him looking for passage across the sea.

How strange to see a female traveling healer. And one so young. How convenient.

How suspicious.

Naruto grit his teeth.

The millions across the sea…

He needed to go to them. He couldn't die here.

But this man. This fool.

"Help me." He asked of the newcomer.

It didn't matter. This girl would be far more reliable than a shadow clone. There was a minor link with shadow clones. It was from this link that memories and chakra were recovered, and when the main body was severely disturbed, it was common for clones to dispel.

He could not afford that.

A clone carefully took the man upstairs, and the barkeep scurried behind his counter for something free of alcohol. And the mysterious, long-haired, pale apothecary spoke to Naruto.

"Prognosis?"

"Butterfly dew." Naruto answered, as he assessed the Demon Brothers.

He healed the artery he had cut quickly, but the man had internally bled profusely. Symptoms were beginning to show, much to the barkeeps horror.

That was fine. The assailant would be less of a risk.

How to quickly and effectively mitigate flight and attack risks…

Naruto reminded himself that he had to be _thorough_ as he set about his task.

As Naruto ripped opened the claw apparatus with brute reinforced strength and the groan of twisted metal, a thought belatedly occurred to him. The girl was an apothecary. "Have you the serum for butterfly dew?" he asked of her.

The apothecary shook her head, in awe of the display of strength. "That is a powerful poison, and rare." She managed to reply after a while.

"Damn." Naruto muttered, as he proceeded to systematically and clinically break the assassin's fingers, wrists, and ankles. "I haven't the serum either."

The process was completed in two minutes and a clone would finish tying them up.

Naruto snapped off one large, metallic claw with another groan of twisted metal, and headed to the stairs.

The apothecary blinked as she followed him to the top floor, where the patient was laid down. "Without the serum, how will you…"

"I'll make it." Naruto replied.

The apothecary froze. She considered the broken claw piece in the stranger's hand, and her delicate features twisted in true shock. "Here?" She asked. "Now? Immediately?"

He observed her, and knew that she understood his plot. "Yes. Can you do blood transfusion?"

For a moment, he saw a war rage across the delicate girl's face concerning whether to support his fool gambit or not…"I… can manage." She finally said, with reservation. "Your blood type?"

"Type O"

The apothecary nodded. Type O was the universal donor.

Naruto gave one last consideration to the risk he would undertake. There was only _one_ way to make the serum, and _that_ was _naturally_. _Inside_ a human body.

… The risks were high.

But they were right, after all. Everyone that he had met, that is…

Attempting to cross this sea, and with no boat…

It _was_ a fool's errand.

And to _even_ have a _chance_, he would need an _appropriate_ fool for the _errand_.

His long shot to save the water country was still very long, but with this man's help it may get within _sight_.

By the end of the night, whether he would succeed in saving this man or whether he would be backstabbed here in this crumbling, nameless bar, he would know where he stood.

He would not be out in the rain, wondering when the next run-down bar would come by, and whether there would be anyone alive within. He would not remain trapped in that quest that seemed to have no end, and no hope.

His journey would move to the next step.

One way or another.

Naruto blinked, belatedly realizing just how little he knew of the person whom he would entrust his life to. "What's your name?" Naruto asked of the apothecary, as he took the bed opposite the old man.

On the bed, he began to unload transfusion materials. Focusing his breathing, and fighting back his instincts, he bled the chakra from his system as much as he could, leaving him – temporarily - only human. And then he stabbed himself with the Demon Brother's poisoned claw.

"Me?" The elegant, robed girl asked, before demurely replying: "My name is Haku."

Thunder suddenly struck somewhere outside, and the wind howled once more with a haunting, ominous note.

As the poison took him, his strong body rallying valiantly to produce the requisite antibody, Naruto prayed that the uncanny timing of the hurricane's cries meant nothing.

* * *

A/N:

Review a song campaign: 1 review of my BETA's song = next chapter within a week (or so.) See my author's page for details. Otherwise, don't worry: I'll see you when I eventually make time for stuff.

Story lacks a _little _polish. I R busy with exams. This chapter is dedicated to all the people taking university exams. Yeah - hang in there.

Okay. Who foresaw the Demon Brothers and Haku being the next enemies, and be honest. Hands up. Nobody? Damn straight.

I'm like: OC, OC, OC, OC, cannon characters!

Bam! Like that. Never saw it coming.

Also: the Demon Brothers will forever be immortalized as the Naruto-verse's chump characters – both in cannon and in fanfiction. I give props to anyone that can write them in anything but a curb stomp battle. Or I would, if there were such a person that I knew of.

Haku is referenced as a girl, because Naruto sees her as a girl.

As for his/her true gender, Haku hasn't decided on it yet.

I would also like to thank everyone that helped by ranking things last chapter, and doing the image test. I better understand your perception now.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. But hey, Shizuka's mine.

* * *

Chapter 22

The Tale of Shizuka

The way to handle poisons was fairly simple. Fairly standard.

Fairly typical of 'modern medical theory'.

It was something that bothered Naruto, and the young man was fairly sure that his mother was the same.

It was... pretty pathetic.

All their chakra. All that precision. Yet they were so damn limited.

In the end, the vaulted medical techniques of even Houou Tunade played second fiddle to the machinations of the human anatomy.

A 'serum' for poison was just the natural immunities built up in the body, extracted and shared.

Generally, a small amount of poison was administered at a time, setting up a battle that the body could surely win. Antibodies would be created, and those would be extracted from the blood. That was what a 'serum' really was.

It was why there were things like snake farms. The poison was necessary to cure the poison.

Naruto himself was a walking fortress of immunities. Between a paranoid sister and a morally dubious mother, he'd been subject to the cliché ninja 'poison in your food' thing since a very young age. By this point he could literally draw his own blood to cure no less than a collection of 6,000 poisons, diseases, and viral or bacterial threats.

But it would take time for latent defenses to activate and flood the blood. That it was less time required was the only thing that allowed it to be viable to create serums as a responsive measure.

Creation from scratch was a proactive process, as a general rule. After all, the solution was simply to poison a person slowly to save a person poisoned quickly.

And here, with this particularly rare poison, Naruto would need to create them from scratch.

At a pace that exceeded the rate that the patient was succumbing.

So, with a quiet prayer of forgiveness to his mother, his sister, and the established practices of a few hundred years of medical practitioners, he prepared to commit every taboo in the book.

He decidedly did not elevate the injured appendage. He did not remain calm. He took short, rapid breaths and forced his heart into an artificial state of high activity. Adrenaline rushed his system. His blood carried the poison far and wide, and he was fully succumbed within moments.

Now, he would just have to get better before the old man got much worse.

Naruto considered the horrified face of the apothecary - Haku, she called herself.

Yes. If nothing else, she really did seem to know the rules of -first aid-. Her story held up somewhat. But he couldn't help but feel unease at her.

It was her breathing, Naruto distantly decided through a poison-induced haze. She did not breathe enough.

Either she had the level of cardiovascular efficiency to oxygenate the body at a nearly superhuman rate of conversion - the mark of an advanced chakra-heavy fighting machine, or her metabolic system was simply abysmal.

He felt her reach out and take his pulse. Her hands were cold, like ice.

Perhaps the latter.

He closed his eyes. It hardly mattered. This wasn't a matter of trust, because he had no option now.

With these thoughts, he slipped briefly into unconsciousness.

x-x

_"Hey, you okay?"_

Oh god, not this scene again.

_"Uhm. H-Hello, Sir." The older girl stood up, shakily. She was quite his senior, Naruto could tell. Enough to be called a 'Nee-chan'. _

What the hell was she calling him Sir for?

No, more importantly..._ "Did you get hurt? I'm sorry for bumping into… are those bruises?" Naruto asked. _

_The older girl gasped, seeing her wrists exposed. Hastily, she arranged them back under her sleeves, eyes instantly downcast. _

_Although her eyes were downcast, that was in fact fairly convenient, since Naruto was naturally shorter. _

_He peered up into her dark eyes before she could look away. "I can heal that." Naruto told her. "I won't charge you anything." He amended, noting her form. _

_She was older than she looked, he knew._

_Malnutrition could do that._

_"I-I can't..." She gasped suddenly. "My Kimono! Oh no. Oh god. My master will kill me."_

_"Master?" Naruto asked, quizzically. "Are you a servant? Are you on an errand?"_

_Shizuka flinched, unsure of what she was allowed to speak of with strangers, and only nodded in response. She didn't trust herself to speak._

I remember. Shizuka had clammed up. I sort of knew, form the way my family handled cases like this, that I had to take things slow. I offered to take her dress to a cleaner. We had bumped into each other, so I claimed partial responsibility for her spill. She didn't have anything to change into, of course, so I had to get her a kimono to wear in the meantime.

_"It's so pretty." Shizuka breathed, observing the kimono she now wore. She held up sleeve of multi-colored flowers on a sky-blue silk, and observed it at length._

_"You can have it." Naruto replied._

_Joy flashed in her eyes, before being smothered by concern. "N-No. My master would get upset. He said I mustn't take things from strangers. He... He get's jealous."_

I remember thinking, that maybe that jealousy had driven the man to neglect, or to abuse.

But I had no use for a woman's kimono like that. The shop didn't take returns. So I'd told her she could just give it away if she wanted – I presume she did, for I never saw it again.

_"Are you a maid?" _I had asked, curious. _"A vassal?"_

_The young woman shook her head.__"I'm a courtesan."_

…

Courtesan. Right. Even back, then, I had doubted her. We were in the fire country capital, after all. I had been to the court of the fire Daimyo, observing my mother's work. The imperial court was an enormous collection of holdings which housed those involved in the highest level of centralized politics of the country. Beyond the high and guarded walls of the court, it was like stepping into a different world, and I had seen many courtesans inside. On average, I guess it was one courtesan per noble.

Because every noble needed a courtesan.

Or something like that.

I saw elegant women who wouldn't loose to the elegant gold and satin their favoured nobles spun about them.

Women that tittered and flirted behind fans. Women that bowed to every man, then stood behind them and whispered rules to survive in the turbulent political world.

Beauty, yes, but also control. Of themselves. Of their clients.

_"A courtesan, huh?"_ I had asked.

_"Yes!" she smiled, and young Naruto could tell that she held pride in it. "Um. I haven't graduated to political things, yet. I – I have been focussed on the… physical aspects, so far."_

'Physical aspects'. What a pretty word for it. In these times of ninjas and covert operations, 'physical aspects' could sometimes refer to training as a form of retainer. But it always meant sex.

She wasn't my patient. She didn't want to be my patient, and if the same thing happened today, I would probably respect that because none of us know the circumstances that others have…

No. That's a lie.

I got involved back then, and I would probably get involved today. I would get involved right now.

A person was being abused. Even if she had let me heal her wounds – and she hadn't – it was like treating the symptom and not the disease.

Atazaki Todai was just that – a disease.

He was a miserable man that couldn't cope with his fall from grace. He lost his nobility after being caught in bed with the Daimyo's personal courtesan, a woman who remains to this day under _exclusive _contract.

He wasn't kicked on that reasoning officially, of course. Various excuses were made, but the Daimyo loved that woman more than his wife – whom he did not love and whom loved him not at all. His arrangement with his wife had been mutually one of politics – of legal unity. His arrangement with his courtesan had been meant to be one of love.

So he was quite offended.

And the Daiymo's personal guard were elite ninjas if nothing else.

Ninjas that could do more than guard a life. More than take a life.

They could _twist_ a life. Ruin it. Drag it through the mud until you wished you could _give_ that life away.

All this I found out in inquiries afterward. At the time, all I knew was that Atazaki Todai was a miserable man clinging to what he could of his past.

He took Shizuka in off the streets when she was young. Lied to her. Raised her like some kind of human bonsai, keeping her in her little room and _cutting_ her down.

Every.

Single.

Day.

For years. It was a poor man's solution to brainwashing. It was uneducated. And he couldn't even stick to his own plans.

For he made this thing… this fake courtesan… and it wasn't equal to what he lost.

Because he hadn't raised her remotely right. He wanted everything from her, but hadn't the patience, resources, nor the skill to teach it to her.

And he blamed her for that. And he hurt her for that.

And she learned that the world didn't make sense. That it didn't have to make sense, or add up, or hold justice.

She learned that her master's joy could protect her. That his joy could feed her. But only when he felt like it. And gradually, she accepted it until It defined her.

Damn him.

And then Todai found a wife. He found a noble in a different country that would marry him. He found a different court that he could go to, bartering what connections and secrets he had retained.

But his new wife grew suspicious, in no small part due to my sniffing around Todai's house.

The Houou's hold an enormous amount of goodwill. An enormous amount of Honor, such that it was respected even in distant lands.

So when one of us starts trying to dig around, people tend to expect there to be a reason for it.

And Todai's relationship with his new wife – unlike many in the courts – was meant to hold love and loyalty.

So his wife came to town, and Shizuka – who had been told to acquire some self-taught retainer skills – slipped the Madame a poisonous herb. I saved her life, and she went on the warpath – thinking her erstwhile husband a traitor after her full fortune through her death.

So Todai tried to appease her, and desperately needed to get rid of the dirt. The bonsai. Shizuka was a liability, and one that proved to be out of his control.

But he couldn't have anyone else do it. She was his dirty little secret, after all. That I met her was almost a cosmic co-incidence, as she was let out only once a blue moon.

And that damn man, again without skill or caution, or a single drop of human decency, decided to pick up a butcher-knife and take it to the girl he had raised. He told her to die.

And she, for the first time in years, said no. And in self-defense, with the skills that he had forced her to teach herself, she ended up killing him.

But that's how it is with these things. Eventually, the immune system grabs a hold of the disease. Eventually, it fights back and kills the source.

But Shizuka, she blamed me. She blamed me for inadvertently bringing the wife to town, and for keeping her alive.

And she's not exactly wrong. I did do those things. I did, in a way, contribute to her life loosing all it's meaning.

But sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better. That's just how it is.

I can tell though, that the ghost of what she has done haunts her. She burned down her world. As wrong as it feels to compare Todai to my family, I suppose it would be something like Godhanding them all to death during a training accident.

I have had my share of nightmares on that, so I do understand.

It was self-defense though. It was _probably _an accident. And even if it had been neither, even the legal system was ready to be somewhat understanding in the circumstances. And she received jail time which, with the exception of added time for breaking out and coming after me on a habitual basis, she has since served. She actually had a reduction for good behavior, odd as that seems. It seems she's perfectly okay with everyone but me. It makes a strange kind of sense, when I think about it. She has pushed the blame for everything that ever went wrong to her onto me. Therefore, quite sensibly, she has no beef with anyone _else in the world_.

Just me.

x—x

Naruto opened his eyes, blearily. He felt weak.

"Hey." Haku said, hovering above him. "You're alive."

"Thanks." Naruto moaned. "You know, I had my suspicions, but it's nice to get confirmation from a qualified apothecary."

"Jokes already?" Haku quipped. "At this rate, you'll be up and about in-"

"Now." Naruto interjected. "I'll be up and about _now_."

"Hold on a second!" Haku exclaimed.

The apothecary tried to hold Naruto down, but even weakened he had strength enough to brush such efforts aside. He was woozy on his feet, but it would have to do. "The old man?" He inquired.

"_He's _in _bed_." Haku explained pointedly, looking somewhat put out at having both wrists clamped in an iron like grip. "He's _recovering _like a _dutiful_ patient so that he can be _properly_ well."

"Good. But I'm okay." Naruto explained. "And just in time, too. Really, I don't know what it is with co-incidences lately. You know, I thought you were too much of a coincidence yourself. I thought you were a ninja, or a samurai, or one of a million things out to kill me. Yet I'm still alive." Naruto smiled at her. "And it seems like you can't feel that presence at the front door."

x-front door-x

Naruto opened the door a crack, and immediately the wind swung it fully opened and banged it against the outdoor wall.

The howl of the wind and the obscuring rain met him. For a while, he couldn't even make out the form on the ground. It seemed camouflaged by being wrapped in a dark-shaded cloth.

Was that… purple?

…

That better not be what he thought it was.

Couldn't be, though.

How much of a coincidence would it have to be… that when he just finished dreaming about her…

Lightning flashed, giving a moment of perfect illumination, and Naruto let forth a resigned sigh.

It was just one of those days.

"Shizuka," he began slowly, "Shizuka, don't do this. Not today. Not now! _Please_!" He yelled over the rain. "I… I'm weak, Shizuka!" He yelled. It seemed mad to tell his foe that now, but she had to understand. She had never stopped because he was stronger, but perhaps if she understood just what kind of position he had landed himself in… Ultimately, she did know him very well. She had to know that today was going to be different. That she had to walk away. For both of them. "I've poisoned myself! And if – if we do this now, I…" Naruto trailed off, shaking his head. He didn't want this. "If we do this now, I can't hold back. I'll kill you Shizuka! I mean it. I'll punch a _goddamn hole_ through your chest!"

Her head tilts up, then. Her ivory skin reflects what meagre light comes passively through the rainclouds, but Naruto couldn't quite make out her expression.

But he saw as she drew a kunai from her kimono.

"Shizuka!" Naruto complained. Damn her. Damn her! "You don't even have your Ninja-to! I took it!"

She stumbled towards Naruto. He expected that she probably popped her own joints back in, after he had dislocated them and that had left a lingering pain from her inexperience.

She stumbles into a run, and wields the kunai in a reverse-grip. Naruto backpedalled through the bar door and into the common room.

"_Damn_ it Shizuka!"

* * *

AN:

Review a song campaign: 1 review of my BETA's song = next chapter within a week (or so.) See my author's page for details. Otherwise, don't worry: I'll see you when I eventually make time for stuff.

To people that wonder about this, it just means a lot to me, personally. And it`s motivating to think that someone would go the extra mile for the work I put in.

I recently found out that there was a link problem with the review area for that song review thing. It`s **fixed** now.

Also, the next chapter can be expected in **a week**, as I also discovered that there had been a song review a little while ago, so I`m going to be carrying out my efforts henceforth.

* * *

Hey. Yeah. It`s that story again. You know, the one that always seems to have been utterly abandoned, only to miraculously revive a few months later like a Treeborn Frog that just won`t quit. Little do you know that it`s all in a ploy to wait just long enough to make you forget that you`ve already reviewed past chapters so that you`ll feel obligated to review this one. Hahaha. Joke.

So, sort of a backstory chapter. Sort of a bridge chapter. A bridge. Must resist Jo-Kage Yugioh abridged reference.

Okay, I bet like half the people that read this never expected Shizuka to appear again, ever. It was like OC OC OC real character OC. Boggles the mind. I`ll be honest, I just pick names out of a hat. (Joke).

**New Omake up** to commemorate this story`s special summon from the graveyard.

I will be using more First Person POV in this story. The chapters will be shorter and more frequent (these are techniques I learned from writing I Just Want a Vacation). Well... I would like to reign this story in, and I hope these techniques will help me have a more unified plot and smoother progress. I hope...


	23. Chapter 23

Unmet Review a song campaign demand: 3 - 2

Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto. But hey, Shizuka's mine.

AN: This chapter will be done primarily in the first person POV of Naruto.

* * *

Chapter 23

The Letter after E

It was frantic. Fervent swipes drew small lines of blood from my forearms that I bring up to block.

My defense is faltering.

I have to.

I don't _want _to.

But I _have _to!

She makes a swipe with her kunai. It's not quite right, because she's plainly substituting this thing she picked up for her customized, much longer ninja-to.

The blade's too short to quite reach my throat as I sidestep her and grasp her outstretched arm.

Using a quick hip-bump and sliding my leg to swipe her balance out from under her, I roll her over my body and into a classical hip-throw.

I'm sorry.

Probably because I'm physically and mentally tired – and this is affecting my emotional state – I feel a stray hot tear escape.

It's okay. She deserves it. My tears and my mercy.

But I'm all out of mercy today, Shizuka.

Her arm dislocated again from the sheer force I exert on it during my throw.

She slams bodily into hard wooden wall, and I'm not sure if the associated crack is from splintered wood or something significantly more vital.

Gasping, she begins to make her way to her feet.

The wood then.

I just died, I think. When I slipped in for that throw she was a few centimeters away from really killing me with a kunai. I had my defence up, of course, and that's why I hadn't just God Handed her into the floor.

But the point was she was aiming for my jugular.

I take solace in this thought as I close down on her.

By the time she gets her feet under her, I'm in a position of power. All to plan. This is it. I rear back my fist, and I tell myself this is finally it.

One blow.

I'm so sorry.

I hear a gasp behind me. It's probably Haku by the tone.

She's shocked at what I have wrought with my own hands.

The wanton destruction.

I'm surprised, too.

"Damnit." I mutter, staring into Shizuka's eyes. They were wide with wonder, and they were alive.

I pull my arm back from where I had… somehow… thrown the punch to miss Shizuka's rain-soaked head.

What is wrong with me?

"I killed you, just now." She whispered. "I could have."

I note the pressure of the metallic ring on a kunai. She presses the blunt end meaningfully into my gut.

"We could have killed _each other_." She tells me. "But we chose not to."

I see what she's trying to say, and I don't know who I'm more surprised at – her or myself.

But she's not quite right. She is very fast, but I had attacked from a position of opportunity. I would have hit first.

And Godhand has the trait to blow away all semblance of counterattacks along with the physical body of the target.

But it doesn't matter, because the second I pulled my punch she could have critically wounded me and taken me to ground. And in my condition, and without backup, I would have been taken apart.

But I don't tell her all that.

"Why didn't we, Shizuka?" I ask, exasperated at myself and at her, both. I honestly want to know what she has to say on the subject. "Why can't we just get over each other?" She may be messed up, but I'm more messed up to be asking her. "Why can't we just walk away and never look back?"

"Never." She whispers to me. And for the first time I notice that the droplets running down her cheeks aren't all from the rain she'd left outside.

"Never _ever_." She amended, voice wavering and tears falling freely now. It bothers me that I don't quite know what emotion lies in her now. Sadness? Resignation?

But I'm leaned over her and I'm aware of our proximity.

I'm aware that, even though she is taller than me, here I loom over her. And as I loom over her, she is at my utter mercy and she doesn't care.

Then, she reaches into her kimono, and I am shocked at what she pulls out.

"You took them?" I ask as I grasp the empty bottle that she shows me.

She took them.

After all these years.

"It… It was _hard_." Tears streak down her face as she tells me this. "I took them and it was so _hard _to just lie there and _think _about it all. About what I've done. About what I've… what I've had _done_ to _me_. I never… I never thought about it before. I never could. The pills helped me."

The pills are fake, Shizuka. Placebos.

You're brainwashed, not brain-dead.

But the conviction is real. The conviction to take a stand and face up to what has happened.

I'm no psychiatrist. You are out of my area of expertise. But they all say the same thing: they can't help you if you don't want to live in the same reality as everyone else. Yours is an illness of denial and emotional trauma.

She drops the kunai – thank god – and clutches me abruptly as she cries into my shirt. "Master." She sobs. "My Master! I... I…"

Okay. Here we go. So she's sad, after all. She's grieving. This is good. The bastard was a bastard but yes, you killed him. It was self-defense, but you killed him. Let it out. You're at the grieving stage.

"I'm so happy!" She sobs in… joy.

Or not. F*ck. Somebody re-check the crazy denial box. False alarm.

"You're…" I begin as I mentally bracing myself for the worst, "you're… so…" I grate out in a deadpan "happy?"

Oh this -can't- be good.

She nods into my chest and laughs brokenly. "I'm so happy that you didn't kill me! I'm so happy that you haven't given up on me! Todai-sama… Todai-sama tried to kill me just for getting between him and his wife!"

You also tried to kill his golden goose.

"You – You're so much better than him." She insists.

Considering that he was one of the lowest forms of scum, you know that really isn't saying much… right?

"I love you."

...Sorry. I think I have something in my ear. I... what?

_"I love you."_ She repeats, with more conviction.

Lightning flashes in the background, I swear. The wind howls. The earth shakes in fear. Somewhere, surely, a cat has fallen off a bridge and not landed on its feet.

Oh shit. OOOOh shit.

Ero-Uncle told me about this. He told me that if there was one thing – _**one thing - **_ that I could learn from him it was that one day, a girl would tell me three little words that would make me want to run for my life and testicular health. And on that day, I should damn well run.

Shit, I thought he was joking!

She pulls back and stares me right in the eyes. She smiles tenderly and caresses my face. "I love how you love me."

What? How does that… how does that even…

What the f*ck?

Ero-Uncle's words ring in my mind, like some ephemeral guardian angel – except, you know, perverted and stuff. _Run, you poor bastard! _He screams at me. _Run like a little bitch! Run like debt-collectors from hell are after your balls! Ruuuun!_

I get up. I stagger backwards. I _do _try to run. I really, honestly do. But I still stay, transfixed as if with cement, and staring in horrified awe at the train-wreck that was my relationship with this woman.

Slowly, she reaches up, a radiant smile on her face and –happy- tears falling down from her shining eyes. She gently grasps the collar of her kimono, and pulls it down. Her generous bust spills out. Other people might find the sight of a rain-soaked, mature, busty woman kneeling in front of them with insufficient chest support distractingly attractive.

I was too busy being horrified.

She wore a sky-blue kimono underneath. A sky-blue kimono with a multi-colored floral design. It was faded. It was frayed from… from wear and tear.

It was a few sizes too small.

It was the goddamn kimono I had bought her six years ago.

Didn't she throw it away?

A cold wave passes through me. I have a bad, bad, bad feeling about this.

A _bad _feeling.

What the hell. What the ever-loving, monkey wanking, shit-eating –

_**What the hell**_, Shizuka?

"I'm so sorry I _ever_ hurt you." She whispers. "I'm _**so **_sorry I've been so bad – and even today! But I had to _**know**_. I had to _**know **_you would never do what _**he **_did. That you would never, no matter what, just try to _**kill **_me. I had to know that you _**really **_loved me!"

Oh no. Oh no. _Hell_ no.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

"And I'm so sorry for everything! I'm so sorry it's driving me insane!"

_Driving _you insane? Holy shit! You get _more _insane?

Happily, she smiles at me. She seems inexplicably proud of herself for arriving at a kind of divine truth. In the most cheery and prideful tone, she tells me: "I'll be so good. You'll see."

No. I don't want to see! Please don't show me!

"My – " She pulls back. She stares. Fore one brief, horrifying moment, I think she's going to kiss me.

Don't say it!

" – beloved –" Oh come on!

I'm begging you. I'm _begging you_!

" –Master!" She smiles broadly. Her eyes light up. And now I think those are happy tears, after all.

F…

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU!-

* * *

A/N:

Review a song campaign: 1 review of my BETA's song = next chapter within a week (or so.) See my author's page for details. Otherwise, don't worry: I'll see you when I eventually make time for stuff.

To people that wonder about this, it just means a lot to me, personally. And it`s motivating to think that someone would go the extra mile for the work I put in.

The letter after E is obviously F in the alphabet. And _now_ the chapter title makes sense.

Short chapter, but this is how I roll now. Cliff-hangers all over the place. It was necessary to implement Giant F-Bomb fade-out no jutsu. With the use of this trope no jutsu, my story is now one step closer to completion. I would have made the FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU longer, but document manager doesn't seem to like it.

Recognizing the shortness, I offer up a lowly omake as (let's face it) padding. I have also realized that when I post them to the **Tsunade's Heir: Omake and Extra Files **story, only a fraction of people even read it. I think that people don't even know that thing exists. I think most people don't read these A/Ns so **they don't know**. Silly other people.

* * *

Omake

Hiashi and Hanabi stared at the tea set which sat before them.

Meals had been terse since Hinata's return. She had not fared well in the mission and, while failure itself was not something that Hinata felt was particularly new, failing _Naruto _was.

The household members had learned quickly not to mention her performance before her.

No, not because she would flip out and try to kill everything – as might be expected and perhaps even encouraged by this point. It was because she would go to the nearest corner and cry such that her depression invaded every normally stoic Hyuuga within a radius proportional to her woe.

It was really quite alarming.

But here, Hinata's cherished tea-set lay in pieces where it – seemingly – instantaneously shattered.

Hiashi, ever traditional, thought it to be a bad omen but wisely refrained from saying such.

Naruto had been the one to buy the tea-set, after all.

Hanabi shifted uneasily upon her cushion. "Um, sister… I… I'm sure it can be fixed."

Hinata didn't seem to register what had happened. "I have… this _strange_, _overwhelming_ urge to… Naruto-kun had a term he said once… I want…to…" She stared into space for a few terse seconds. "… to choke a bitch."

Her family members didn't quite know what to say to that.

So saying, Hinata slowly stood up. "Excuse me. I seem to be inexplicably angry. I might be coming down with something."

An older, kimono'd main-house woman met her in the hallway and bowed politely. "Oh, hello Hinata-sama."

Hinata palmed her through two rice-paper walls.

"…" Hinata stared at what she had done to the taller, prettier woman who had a bigger bust than her and wore a sky-blue kimono. "…B*tch."

Hiashi set down his tea slowly, eerily reminded of his wife's infamous rampages. Hanabi was pretty sure the 'Gentle Fist' wasn't supposed to be used that way.

"Hanabi?"

"Yes father?"

"Upon reflection I don't think we spend nearly enough time together."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Camping trip."

"Oh. When do we leave?"

It was then which a woman came flying through the door.

Haishi, with purposed grace, bowed his head forwards and pushed Hanabi's head forwards, too.

The woman sailed breezily overhead, sky-blue kimono sleeves trialing in the air behind her, before landing unceremoniously on her… substantial air bags.

"B*tch." Drifted in through the door.

"I'm thinking…" Hiashi began. "As soon as physically possible."

"Let me remove the get-well pranks I put in sister's room first."

"That would be wise."

* * *

A/N: I **beg **you to focus your reviews on the main story and **not on the omake**.

Also, let's say that Hinata has tapped some hidden byakugan powers that allow users to feel the bend of fate around the 'apple of their eye'. Or something.


	24. Chapter 24

Unmet Review a song campaign demand: 2 - 1 = 1. I might be a bit late on the next one. I have a bunch of tests around that time. But I should have it up by Friday, which was the original schedule before an early update put us on Wednesday, anyways.

So I guess maybe 70% of people were surprised at the last chapter. 30% saw it coming from the moment they saw shizuka. So if she had been a non-recurring character 30% of people would have been surprised instead. Not bad.

* * *

Chapter 24

The Most Excellent Chapter in the History of Forever

"Okay." I say, holding my hands up before me. "Okay." I say again, in a placating tone. "Let's just calm down and not do anything rash like say things that we don't really mean."

"Mast –"

"Like that." I tell her. "Exactly like that."

She frowns c…

Cutely.

Shizuka's being cute… to me.

God, this whole situation is F$cked right to hell. What does it say about my life when it would honestly be less disturbing to me if she was being cute to the mortuary tablet of that Todai guy?

Or hell, even his skull or something?

I mean, can we maybe just go back to killing eachother now?

"Master –"

I flinch.

She looks at me pleadingly. I've seen this look before. I think it was three years ago when she formally submitted a request for me to 'just die like the home-wrecker I was'. Oh god. " – I'm… sorry." She tells me. "I – I know that this seems sudden."

Okay. Okay, she's starting to speak my language here.

"I've… I've been so bad. But I'll be better now. I've changed." She insists.

I stare at her. I stare at her as she kneels in seiza and touches her hands to the floor in this little triangle thing that is supposed to be symbolic of… something. And, honestly, she looks 100% normal and sane and demure. And I can't express adequately in words just how unnerving that is. "Okay…" I tell her. I close my eyes and gather my courage, because I know I'm going to have to get the whole story out of her. That's going to be… fun. "Okay, get up. Let's get you dry and warm before you catch something, and you can explain to me how you actually got from A to B."

She's not supposed to be crazy _crazy_. I remind myself. She's crazy _weird, _and crazy _brainwashed – _not crazy **_crazy_**.

I contemplate how easy it would be if she was crazy _crazy_ – handing her off to an institution which handled such things. Some nice place with lots of trees and understanding councillors and people who applied psychotropic drugs intelligently and responsibly.

Yeah…

She sneezes, bringing me out of my fantasy. Right. I sometimes forget this about Shizuka, but she's not actually a ninja. She's not even a retainer, exactly. She's a bundle of specialized self-taught techniques, single-minded conditioning, and performance-enhancing drug abuse. She doesn't have any of the more obscure training that people in my profession take for granted.

She sneezes again, and I toss my coat on her shoulders. It's Crystal Tree Silk, so it dries at lightning-speed and should help her stay warm.

"Thank you, Master."

Wish she would stop calling me that.

And not just because she killed the last person she called that.

"You're very kind." She says softly, staring with me into the fireplace we're crouched in front of. "You're always doing things like this."

"Why do you think I'm your master?" I ask. I need to know this. Really. I need to know it so that I can find some objective logic or some kind of… some kind of logic flaw that, now that she's _trying to _be rational I can...

God, I don't even really know. This isn't my department!

I'm not a f*cking psychiatrist!

Why? Why am I suddenly your master, Shizuka?

"I know what gratitude is." She frowns. "Todai-sama told me… he told me that I should be grateful for everything he did for me. That he put clothes on my back, and food on my plate, and a roof over my head, and so I belonged to him."

F*cker. He's dead and he's still f*cking shit up in _new _ways.

"Even though he worked so hard to teach me that over and over," she shuddered, "even though I worked so hard to learn it… I forgot it." She clutched my jacket a little tighter around her. The movement she makes draws my attention to the scars I can somewhat see that she carries on her wrists and up the underside of her arms.

Marks of her 'learning' process I bet.

Todai, that f*cker.

I rub the bridge of my nose. Okay, so that's what she thinks creates a master-servant relationship. Okay. We're getting somewhere.

Here's hoping that we're getting to somewhere less 'holy shit' terrifying than having this woman trying to serve me tea every day.

Please understand, she's been after my head for _six_ years.

"When I..." Shizuka continues. "When Todai-sama… died… I wasn't thinking. Everything was so… He betrayed me and I killed him. I didn't… I didn't mean to… It just happened. I meant to kill that bitch but never Todai-sama and I couldn't handle it… it just hurt so much. It was like he was whipping my heart from the grave, every day, and I… I just ran from the pain and pretended that it all never happened. I wanted to _kill myself,_ so bad. But I… I couldn't. I was weak."

Okay. No. I'm not letting that go. Euthanasia. Suicide. I hate it all. It goes against everything I swear to. It is my _antithesis_ andI hate that I must accept that there are times where it is for the best. But not today. Not today. "Shizuka, there's no _justice _or anything in killing yourself. There's _never_ anything to be ashamed of about saying _no _to that."

"But –"

I grab her chin and force her to lock gazes with me. "_Never._" I tell her.

"Y…" She shakes a little. "Yes, Master." She breathes.

…

Shit.

…

I probably shouldn't have done that.

…

Who am I kidding, I would do it again if I had to. Story of my life.

I let go of her face like it's on fire but she hardly seems to notice.

"I… Um…" She attempts to recover where she was in her tale. "So I kind of… I kind of pushed the blame on you. And instead of killing myself I… I kind of…"

She doesn't quite finish the sentence.

Yeah, I know what she did. I was there. On the receiving end.

"And things became so much easier to deal with. And I… I blamed you for everything else, too. I blamed you for my Master not loving me. I didn't… I couldn't rationalize it or anything, but it became easier. And I blamed you for his wife and… and I never told you this but I blamed you for how Todai-sama would beat me."

I rub my eyes. Okay…

"I… I kind of knew it was wrong, but I kept telling myself and everyone else that that was how it was. But I… I knew… somewhere in the back of my mind… that _I_ had destroyed my only place in the world. But-!" She brightens from her morose composure. "But I had another master all along! You… clothed me." She smiles fondly, looking down.

… Shit.

The kimono.

The kimono I bought her when we met.

That's what she's talking about.

Kimono = gratitude = servitude.

Okay. There's the logic. But it's not like the relationship is equal. A kimono is not nearly as precious as her liberty or, let's face it, my personal sanity.

I stare at her. "But it's not like I fed you, or put a roof over your head." I protest.

In response, she shoots me that silent smile which all women seem to have a hold of in their arsenal. You know the one. The one that says 'oh you silly, ignorant man. Do you know that you're lucky you have me to keep track of these things for you?' "But you did. So much. Remember?"

"I… threw you in jail?" I hazard. "Is that what you're talking about?"

"You put me in the _best_ jails." She smiled. "And you made sure that I was not raped. Very sure. And that I was not placed with anyone unsavoury. And that the guards always treated me fairly. And that I had better food than _all_ the other prisoners."

She sounds so proud, as if there was some prestige to be derived in being fed the best while in prison.

Was there? Maybe.

But hell, I had figured that she was depressed enough at the time. That was one of the roots of her 'pseudo-madness', after all. She needed fresh, nutritious food and regular exercise at least. And I did feel a little responsible for her. _Someone_ had to be responsible for her. She was too old for the orphanage, but too young in the ways of the _actual _world to be expected to look after herself. A kimono, decent food, and putting her in respectable jails are what she's calling me 'Master' over? "That's not –" I protest.

"You _cared_ for me so much even though I was so _bad _to you. No one _ever_ cared for me, before. They cared about what I could do for them, or what I had. But it wasn't really _me_. But _you _did. You didn't even _use _me – you who I now realize had the _most right_ out of anyone. You didn't use me but you still cared, because you _love _me and I'm so _grateful _and I'm going to be so _good _to you now that I'm better."

I rub my eyes. "Shizuka, look. It's… that's not…"

"Remember that place," she interrupts, excitedly, "in Lightning Country? When it was all damp and full of leering men?"

"…Yeah." I reply absently as I recall the memory. The change in pace of our conversation pretty much derails me – If I had rails to begin with. "That was messed up. I had to punch out like, ten guys and a chick just to walk back out the door with you."

She giggles. "I remember. And that hairy man tried to feel you up."

"I thought I told you we would never speak of that again."

"Ah. I'm sorry, Master." She turns to me and bows demurely in that traditional sort of way. "I forgot."

What do I say to that?

Another thought strikes Shizuka's pretty, misguided head. "I remember that other place, where they would not allow your servant to bring me food." She further reminisced as she returns to looking at the fire with me. That 'servant' by the way, was just a restaurant delivery girl who's establishment I had prepaid meals for Shizuka from. "You seemed so personally offended and you would not let me stay there."

"I know you were trying to kill me and everything, but they wouldn't let you have Ramen." I reminisce. "That just seemed cruel and unnecessary. I – wait, don't give me that look." That loving look. It's creepy.

With a start, I realize that – holy shit – we sound like some kind of melancholy married couple looking back on their times together.

We do. That is exactly what we sound like. What does that mean? What does that _even mean_?

I… holy shit.

Holy shit.

I…

I... I… need to get away for a second. I need air. And possibly alcohol.

I stand up woodenly and walk over to the bar where the wide-eyed barkeep just stares at me. It seems he's been listening in.

And he says nothing about asking for ID as he hands me a _big _bottle of _sake_ and whispers some kind of barkeep prayer for me to the goddess of wine for protection against **_bad life choices_**. I hope that prayer reaches her. I really do.

I take two drink saucers and walk back in Shizuka's direction.

My mind is a whirl. It is a murky, twisty, denial-filled whirl.

But not like, unsubstantiated denial. I have very real reasons to be full of denial. I have justifiable denial because Shizuka's _wrong_.

Right?

I stop by Haku on the way. She's holding onto my satchel for me, and seems… happy on my behalf? What the hell, Haku? You're okay with all this?

I dig through the satchel, and produce a camera – asking Haku to take pictures. The last thing I need after all this is to have kaa-chan kill me when I get home, for not documenting my first desperate reach for Sake to make things better… or whatever.

For some reason, Haku smiles serenely as if it were quite natural to desire documentation and this really was all a wonderful and momentous occasion. "I think she'll be good to you from now on. She fills in your gaps, doesn't she? Her speed to your power? Her ruthlessness to your kindness? I think, maybe, in the deepest parts of her soul, she was forging herself to be your perfect tool" She tells me, enchanted as if by a fairytale. "And I'm sure you'll be a good master, don't worry. Love is what's important."

…What the hell, Haku?

"Where are people getting this love thing from?" I ask, more than personally bewildered.

She gives me that _same** damn **_smile. And if ever I wondered about her gender, what with her pretty face but washboard chest, now all doubts are erased. Only girls smile that way. "Oh Naruto-san, you took care of her out of nothing but worry, and without reciprocation for _six years_… then she was going to kill you and you pulled your punch!" She smiled as she familiarized herself with the camera. "If that's not love, what is?"

I… that…

Well obviously love is…

It's, you know, it's…

It's that thing where people care about…

Holy shit.

Holy f*cking shit.

"We're talking about platonic love though, right?" I ask. Not romantic love, surely.

I'll admit it. I'm pretty much pleading at this point. I'll take just about whatever I can get.

She smiles at me patiently, making me feel ignorant. Definitely a girl. "Oh Naruto-san, you'd be surprised how little the specifics matter at the end of the day."

Well that was… vague… and unhelpful.

And foreboding.

I'm not saying I agree, but when put like that I think I'm…

God, I think I'm starting to understand where Shizuka is coming from.

In her mind, I think, I'd been her master ever since I gave her that kimono all those years ago. And ever since then her trying to kill me has been, what, her misbehaving?

That's some misbehaving.

I mean, she was pretty ineffectual right up until the end there, but still.

Or… she might be saying that I was her master, but she hadn't noticed it. She hadn't really clued in to it. But to her, it's not that she's asking me to be her master right now. I offered to be it when I gave her a kimono, and she accepted the kimono and contract both right then.

And she's… let's see… she's thankful that I've been patient… or something.

I want to cry. I actually want to cry because I can see where this is all heading, and I have no idea how to deal with it because _I'm not a f*cking psychiatrist. _But I suck it up.

I go back and sit beside the woman at the centre of it all.

I set her saucer down between us. I don't think she even looks at her own saucer. Which is odd, because she's perked up, alert, and staring at the sake jug purposefully, so I presume that my desire to get really f*cking smashed is reciprocated.

But at any rate, my hand is literally shaking as I pour myself a full saucer and set the jug down.

Now it should be understood that I literally don't just start shaking. I have the kind of body control that people in movies show off when they do something fancy to an egg without breaking it or having it move from a stationary position. Sometimes, that control is the only thing that allows me to have chakra in my body and set down a Ramen bowl without splitting the whole table at the same time. It's a whole thing.

So what I'm trying to say is that I'm pretty well on my way to being mind-f*cked right now.

Hopefully I can get drunk enough to make it all make sense again. Or make the crazy things crazy again. I'm not really sure but at this point, like I mentioned, I'll pretty much take whatever I can get.

Ugh! Wow, I thought this stuff would taste good? It tastes like shit! How do the adults in my life drink this as if it were water? It burns? It freaking burns! I cough.

And then it happens.

As I bring the saucer, now empty, down from my lips… Shizuka picks up the jug daintily…

Like some kind of demure traditional woman – a Yamato nadeshiko – which I suppose she must fancy herself all of a sudden…

Anyways she picks the jug up and quietly pours until my saucer is again full.

When she pulls back from pouring, I swear not a drop spills, and she doesn't set the jug down either. She just sort of nestles it in her lap. There it lies, ready no doubt to be poured again at my merest convenience… and Shizuka gives me this tentative but pleading look… like some kind of puppy that just rolled over.

And in that moment… it might have been the alcohol or the lingering poison or the days of travel without rest… but in that moment I swear I have this weird kind of epiphany. I know. I just… know.

She's serious. She might not be any kind of crazy, any more, except for crazily maladjusted. But she's 100% serious.

And I could tell her I 'herby formally release her from my service' and hey, now she's magically free and isn't that just wonderful? And I could tell her that if it's about gratitude – if this is some kind of indentured servitude – that hell, her ninja-to is probably worth more than this freaking bar and let's just work out a trade. And I could tell her that I don't love her, exactly. And that she doesn't love me, exactly. That there is a difference between care and love – and no I don't know what it particularly is, but there's a difference – and she's rushing into things. I could argue with her. I could take her to any kind of professional and have them explain to her that she's _just wrong_. I… hell, I could just freaking run.

But I just **_know…_**

…in _that moment_…

There's no point.

"I'm never going to get rid of you, am I?" I ask.

She perks up instantly – more than before, I mean – and her eyes are shining. "No. Never! I'm so _happy, _master! Oh _thank_ you!"

And I realize that, somehow, I've just pat the puppy, given it a treat, and told it 'good girl'.

I stare at her.

She beams back, but over time becomes a little self-conscious and shy under my gaze.

…

…

…

…

…

F*ck it.

I throw the saucer over my shoulder, grab the Sake Jug from her, latch on, and just go for it.

Still tastes like shit.

Distantly, I hear the phantom Ero-Uncle again. I think the drunker I get the more clear his voice becomes.

There's irony in there, somewhere.

_You poor sunnovabitch. I told you to run you poor, soon-to-be-emasculated sunnovabitch. May God have mercy on your soul, because Joy and Liberty have told you to go f*ck yourself. You now have a ball and chain around your neck –a **huge **one – and yet you're still somehow a virgin! _

Shut up Ero-Uncle.

_Is that a new world record? That's like a new world record. **YOU POOR SUNNOVABITCH!**_

**I SAID SHUT THE F*CK UP!**

* * *

A/N: This is it. This is my masterpiece. This is my Mona Lisa. My Sistine Chapel. My Castle in the Sky. Other people might not agree with me, but I can feel it in my bones. I feel it with the surety that a rock suspended in midair without a source of upward-force feels that it will invariably fall to the earth. This is the peak of my writing career. This right here is a synthesis from all my other forays into 'I Just Want a Vacation', 'Shippuden Complaint', a certain crackfic story I have not yet brought to , and several abandoned works that are just between me and my computer. Every success and every failure I've ever learned from… every word I've ever written from the very moment my chubby little child-hands first gripped a thoroughly chewed #2 HB pencil has been leading to this. It's all downhill from here. Surely this is the pinnacle of my existence. When I am older and a successful business man... When at that time I look back, I will look back past my beautiful son and daughter, past my kind and well-humoured wife, past my McLaren F1, past the exterior of my white picket-fenced, two story house with a basement, and I will look directly to my computer where this very chapter will sit displayed in all its world-shattering glory. And it will still be the greatest thing I have ever accomplished. So many people look back and wonder at what could have been, at how far they could have gone, but **I know**. I know. This is it. This is how far I could go. This right here. Wow.


	25. Chapter 25

Unmet review a song campaign demand 1 - 1 = 0.

I did it. I never (intentionally) missed the schedule (within reason) and I got through. Huzzah!

* * *

Chapter 25

Morning After

Ugh. Wow. What the hell is going on? What's all that noise? It's like a stampede is going on somewhere.

And oh, my head.

I feel like I'm just returning to consciousness from one of kaa-chan's ultra-galactic-noogie bombs.

My _head _is _killing _me.

My thoughts are a mess.

I open my eyes with no minor effort and stare at the rafters above me. Oh yeah. I'm in a bar/inn.

Hey. Roof's leaking

I'm in a bar/inn inside a week-long storm… on my way to try and fulfil a mission I took to…

Agh! Right in the eye! The roof… is leaking right in my eye now. How did I sleep in these conditions? And would someone kill the elephants stampeding outside! Or, not kill, but lock them up and throw the key –

Agh! Stupid leak is cold! And I'm so warm under the sheets.

Warm. Comfy.

This is an awesome body pillow.

Body pillow?

Oh shit.

That's right. It's all coming back to me now.

Shizuka.

Shit.

She went crazy. Or, she went un-crazy in the most inconvenient way imaginable.

And in my misery I decided, bright and responsible guy that I am, to get drunk.

Right.

So, going by the alcohol horror stories that kaa-chan always went on about… that stampede is really raindrops hitting my window and me being terribly hung over.

Which explains the headache.

And the body pillow.

Tentatively, full of dread, I reach to the cotton sheets that cover me, lift up the edge, and peek underneath.

I cringe.

Yeah.

Never drinking again.

"Good morning, master." Shizuka mumbles from… sigh… from under my – our I suppose – sheets.

Oh, the things I could say. The one-liners. The lamentations. The indignations.

The swear words. The glorious swear words.

I don't know what they are, exactly, but surely they would be glorious.

If only my head was not about to explode. "Not so loud." I complain instead. "I think I'm hung over."

"You did drink an entire sake jug, master." She explained, whispering now, as she rustles underneath those sheets. "And you were tired and had lost a lot of blood before that. It was not – ah." Her face pops up from under the sheets just in time to see another water bead drop past her eye-level and towards my face.

Her hand shoots out, like some kind of magician performing their best trick, and snatches it out of the air before it reaches her chin. Her hair's down. The dark locks cascade around her soft features and pool on the mattress to either side of me. Ridiculously, it shimmers like she hadn't just trekked it through a hurricane yesterday.

Chalk up another magical mystery for womankind.

She looks like such a lady when she's not scowling or glaring at me. No, more than that. She looks… simple. Pure. Not in the 'innocent' way. But in the sense that no more than one emotion seemed to be on her face at a time. At first, joy. Then, surprise. Then, horror.

"The roof leaks again? When did – I thought I stopped it." She looks to my wet face in dismay. "Oh master, I'm sorry. I _did _fix it. And before that I caught every drop, I swear. I just –"

She slides out of bed. Naked.

I don't want to know. I really don't.

"I'll go do it now." She tells me.

No comment on your nakedness? Oy!

"I'm _so sorry_. I'll be good. I didn't… I didn't mean…" She continues as she arranges a ladder and a bucket of sealant as quietly as possible. And she looks sorry, too. She looks terrified. I think… she expects me to hurt her or something. And the scars I see on her bare back remind me that she may feel she has reason. They look big on her now. And scars do not grow as a person grows up. The body doesn't have any need to enlarge it's scars to proportion. So those scars would have been enormous on her when she got them six years ago.

Todai. F*cker. I swear – ah.

Her hand shoots out, like a cobra on the strike, and she catches another water droplet from my leaky roof.

And with no support to speak of, her sizable boobs sway like a pair of – goddamn it.

"Put clothes on." I croak. Great. I'm at the randomly croaking stage of my alcoholic experience. Joy. "And don't do that. The speed thing. It's not healthy."

She had gotten faster in a hurry. I'm not sure which pills she popped, exactly, but there are repercussions for that kind of thing.

She blinks owlishly at me. "Yes, master." She says.

As I begin to crawl out of bed, Shizuka drops to the floor causing her breasts to –

GodDAMNit!

I find myself sandaled before my feet hit the ground. I find myself coated before I stand up.

Thankfully – **Thankfully – **I had been otherwise fully dressed.

As I stand up, woozy and hung over, I think I should probably say something to her. Surely.

Maybe I should make some complaint about how this was all so messed up.

Maybe some quip that I'm a big boy, and I can dress myself.

But as she buttons up my jacket she just looks so hopeful. So happy.

And I haven't seen her be either in six years.

Not since that day so long ago, inside a small tailor's shop in the Fire Country Capital, standing before a mirror as she tried on a sky-blue kimono with a floral motif.

Getting drunk hadn't helped. Sleeping the night hadn't helped. Getting hung over was sure as hell no better.

I still had this overwhelming certainty that I was stuck with her.

I need a psychiatrist.

No, I need three. Two for _her_ and one for _me_.

Or, at this rate… one for her and two for _me_. Shit.

"Your clothes." I croak out.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, bowing. "They're drying in the commons."

Right. She had been soaked. Okay. That was equally a cliché development, but infinitely more preferable than what I had been worried about.

The door creeks. I turn to it as it opens. There is a muffled _–fwip-_ behind me and I know that Shizuka has again abused her speed.

I just _told _her.

"I'm sorry, master." She whispers behind me. "But that part of me's only for you. I was protecting it."

I look over my shoulder at her. She's cloaked in bed sheets now, but that much she could have managed at normal speed.

She's done up her hair.

As if, somehow, seeing it down was something private for me.

What the hell Shizuka. Do you realize that there are things that are natural and things that aren't? That, somewhere, you're going to pay for every ounce of speed you didn't earn?

Did you _really _have to do up your hair?

I palm my face – which of course explodes my headache – as Haku steps into the room, a tray of tea in her hands and Shizuka's purple kimono draped over her arm.

I don't know if Shizuka wants to be my courtesan or my retainer or whatever the hell it is that's going through her head…

But she sure as hell seems to be in the driver's seat so far. I haven't issued a single order, but I already feel the rules, traditions, and acceptable behaviours falling in to place around me.

Like an elaborate cage.

Sigh.

Well, I suppose I issued one: to not use her speed.

Which she immediately ignored anyway, so I don't think it counts.

Sigh.

Haku smiles. "I'm glad you're up." She tells me in a whisper. Right. Apothecary. She's familiar with hangover symptoms including my killer headache. Good. "Mugwort tea?" she offers. "It will help your, ehm, inebriation. Drink up, get well, hope you don't become overly nauseous, and come on down. Preparations are almost done."

"For?" I ask.

"Departure, of course. We're going to Water Country."

x—x

Headache's feeling much better.

"You might not remember this – you were quite drunk at the time – but Shizuka-san did manage to feed you last night before you passed out. We even managed to get some coconut water into you. That was fortunate. And after that you were asleep for a full eight hours." Haku informs me as she leads me to the common room.

Huh. Okay. It was hard to mark the passage of time with the clouds outside obscuring the sun and moon. I basically blot the part about Shizuka feeding me from my memory. Forever.

"It was for the best, really." Haku continues. "You needed the rest after everything that had happened and we're counting on you to be in top shape today."

I nod at this. Sounds like there's a plan.

The old man is at the bottom of the stairs. Tools are strewed here and there around him, and indeed, around the rest of the deserted bar. "Morning, brat." He greets. "I don't think we've been introduced."

"Houou Naruto." I explain, offering my hand. "Medic-Nin in training."

"Mizuke Kenta." The gruff man tells me. "Sailor, grateful you saved my life, and a big fool ready to cheat mother nature with you. And, apparently, not half bad at home improvement."

I look to the walls, how they're covered in a grey substance. I see empty buckets stacked to one side that were identical to what Shizuka had planned to use to – "You sealed the bar?"

"Aye." He nods.

"Why?"

"Because." The bartender begins, as he walks over to me. "This old bar was built to float. Many bars were, back in the day, in order to deal with changes in the tides or the presence of storms."

I crock an eyebrow.

"You want to use this bar as a boat? And you guys were calling _me _nuts. I love it. But what I meant was, why are you in on this all of a sudden, Mr…?"

The thin, greying man shook his head. "Just call me barkeep – everyone does." He explained. "I've been running this place for a long time, and I've been barkeep all those years – can't really say I'd know to respond if you _did _call me my real name. But all the same, I'm an old goat at this stuff and my point is that I've seen all manner of man and beast pass through my establishment. None quite as amazing as you. So far, you've finished walking through a hurricane, fighting, poisoning yourself, donating your blood for the antidote of a man you barely know, fighting again, and turning an old enemy into your servant..." He finished counting the feats off on his bony fingers. "Now I would normally be still sceptical to bet my bar on you – it's simply worth that much to my heart. But after you did all that, you threw back an entire jug of the strongest _damn _gut-busting, hair growing sake – sake which I've stocked for the express purpose of knocking unsavoury customers instantly unconscious with a single saucer – and you're still alive. Now, I'm pretty sure that's a sign from the goddess of wine" he nodded solemnly, and I think he was actually serious about this, "and far be it from me to deny her."

Seriously? Things are going my way?

That's good news! Which is a nice change from the shitty news from hell that I keep getting.

Something about the fact that good news has become my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – and twice as rare – makes me want to laugh. And maybe cry a little bit where no one can see. But mostly I want to laugh.

Because I got it. I got the pot of gold, assholes.

But now isn't the time for that. Now is the time for a rousing inspirational speech of great rousingness.

I heroicly stand atop a table and regard my new underli – partners. I regard my new partners. "We five are going to Water Country. And we're going to do it." I fix them with a look and place a hand on my heart. "We're going to stop this hurricane. That's going to save the entire middle-to-lower class of water country." I pointed at Kenta, addressing him. "We're going to save the fishing industry and traditions of the mainland." I pointed at the barkeep. "We're going to get this man's paying customers back."

I contemplate what Shizuka wants out of this trip, shudder, and say instead: "And we must get Shizuka to a qualified psychiatric so that she can work through some personal issues and get out of my life, before my mother teases me to literal death."

The old man – Kenta – looks amused.

The barkeep, old and wizened soul that he is, seems to be the only one that understands the sheer depth of the shit in the shit bucket that I find myself in. And he, I think, mutters a prayer to the goddess of wine for my success.

Barkeep, if we all get out of this alive and I manage to get Shizuka thinking like a normal member of society, I will literally convert to your obscure alcohol-related religion.

Shizuka reacts by flinching and looks apologetic. For… hell, I don't even know. I don't know if she knows, either.

Haku gives me a disapproving look.

She thinks I'm joking? My sanity would literally be up for grabs if kaa-chan ever got wind of this situation.

And it's more than that anyways. There are courtesans and yes, I understand that the profession is not without purpose. It's not without a certain brand of pride, when certain lines are drawn and certain rules are followed. But the courtesan profession itself is okay or not isn't the issue. For starters, Shizuka's not a courtesan. She doesn't have all that expensive training and upbringing that lands her in a pitfall of debt. She doesn't _need _to sell her services to me to pay off a lifetime of luxurious silks and skills. And, secondly, Shizuka never chose. She never chose to walk that path. With the way she was mentally conditioned as she was brought up, I don't even know if she could _consider_ choosing to quit. And that – that part – is definitely wrong. I just wish I could make her see that. Everything I say seems to twist around in the air between me and her, and somehow just makes it all worse. But the fact that I suck at getting through to her doesn't change reality. It's still wrong. I don't care what anyone says. I don't care if Kaa-chan comes at me with a mallet and a bad case of PMS. It is wrong and nothing in this world can make it right except getting Shizuka to someone who can work her through her issues.

But that will have to wait until I am finished with this Hurricane.

Finally, I pointed at Haku. "We're getting you through miles of high waves and lightning at sea because you… why do you have to cross the sea, exactly?"

Haku nodded. "I must reunite with my master."

Okay. Facepalm time. "Your…" Goddamnit. "Master." I ground out.

"Yes!" She smiled happily.

Okay.

1. wtf Haku?

2. Well that her behaviour last night

3. WTF HAKU?

Suddenly I realize that maybe I'm being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. 'Master' might just refer to her mentor. . She's an apothecary in _training_, after all.

That would actually make more sense, right?

I decide I'm going to go with that assumption. I decide I'm going to work very hard to go with it.

So I try not to notice Shizuka lighting up and splitting a high five with Haku.

I fail, because Shizuka's action creates a jiggle that draws my –

GODDAMNIT!

Shit.

F*CK!

This is Ero-Uncle's fault! I know it is! That pervy asshole finally got to me!

I don't know how, but that's definitely it! Next time I see him, I'm gonna' prank him black and blue! The last thing I need is to get hormonal right now! You don't need to be a psychiatrist to know that would just make Shizuka worse!

Damnit.

…

Just move on.

Just… Just move on.

As things go on, I ask them how they're planning to deal with the high waves caused by the hurricane. It's then that I find out that Shizuka had helped them plan, while accounting what I could contribute to the effort. Apparently I was there, but too inebriated to be more useful than as comedic relief.

It bothers me that I can't remember that entire gap of time, but maybe it's for the best.

All the same, Shizuka had already proven to know more than enough about my skills and they were able to accurately devise how I would best help.

I am going to provide wind and be at the figurative helm as I basically hold the mast in my hands like a kite itself. Being able to use chakra to ground myself through Godhand level kickback forces, I would essentially be a human mast pole as I steered our boathouse in accordance to Kenta's lookout advice. Barkeep would eye the left side and Shizuka the right.

I am concerned about our sail being strong enough to deal with the winds I would have to produce to move something as big as this bar, so I suppose I must reach out and reinforce the sail with my chakra, too.

Which is going to be about as stressful as it sounds.

I mean, I'm familiar with flooding objects with chakra. After all, that lay at the heart of tree-walking, water-walking, and my anchoring techniques. But even though my futon is on the lower end of the chakra use spectrum I do worry about splitting my concentration and fuelling everything over the long haul. After all, we don't know what kind of time we're going to be able to make in these conditions. We don't even have a real boat. Kenta says that there will be times when we'll be able to take in the sail and 'weather the storm' so to speak, as long as we can keep track of how the waves alter our course and stay on standby to deal with any _huge _or cresting waves.

So it's looking a bit like an endurance nightmare, but it's a shot. And at this point that's all I can really ask for.

It's a _long_ shot, though.

I mean, they want to sail a floating bar through a hurricane on human power and chakra glue.

Which is _crazy-awesome_.

But yes, a _long shot._

And, to be honest I'm not actually much of a gambler. I generally take the highest odds.

It's just that this is better than my alternative.

Which isn't saying much. My alternative is to just piggyback Kenta and _walk _through the waves to water country. I'd need Kenta because he will need to do mapreading to keep me on course. But though I am sturdy, Kenta is only human. He would surely die within hours and I would be lost in the vast sea with no shelter, guidance, or hope. So my alternative is pretty much 0% if we round the values off.

Story of my life.

"Hey, Shizuka?" I ask, turning to find her as the others file out for their own preparations. I have something to tell her.

Where'd she…? She's behind me again.

Her hands are – I don't believe this.

Apparently this part of the roof has a leak too. And she's catching it in her hands. Like some kind of human umbrella.

Somehow it pisses me off. I take her hands in mine and I fix her with a stern look. "Shizuka," I say, "I want you to know that you don't have to come with us. You're not really getting anything by coming with us. I can send you back to konoha if I – are you listening to me?"

Her head bobs up and down, following the small water drops that seep through some minor looseness in the sealed sealing, somewhere.

"Shizuka, look at me."

"Yes Master." She snaps to attention.

"Look: you shouldn't use your speed unless it's an emergency, but you still have your ninja-to skills and your hearing. Honestly you'd be a big help to us and everyone we're going to save. And to me, saving those people is worth risking my life. And so I want you to… I mean, I could use your help okay?" There. I said it. "But it's up to you Shizuka. I want you to understand that. You have a _choice _because that's how the _world works._"

Shizuka blinks, and as her face shows me a sort of minor eureka moment, I have this crazy hope that I have just taught this woman the concept of free will.

And then she sort of melts into this loving look.

It's still pretty creepy.

Yeah.

Maybe I should just shut up.

But then, I notice something amiss.

I'm a ninja after all. I have a healthy curiosity about things that don't add up.

I recall, now, that there had been a leak above my head. Presumably it is still there.

And I know that I'll regret starting discussion again. I want it to be very clear that at this moment I fully understand that I'm going to regret asking her my question. But I can't help myself. I do it anyway.

Story of my life.

"Shizuka?" I ask.

"Yes master?"

"Why aren't I feeling the water drop on my head?"

"Master?"

"I have both your hands, right?"

"Yes Master."

"And I'm looking right at you, right?"

Shizuka beams. "Yes Master. Any beauty I posses exists only to –"

I cut her off. The last thing I need is to get her going. "So what I'm saying is, what exactly are you doing to keep the water off my head? If I look up now, what in the nine and a half layers of hell am I going to see, exactly?"

I'm almost scared to look up.

"Nine and… a half, master?"

"Don't change the subject. Answer the question."

"Yes Master. My foot, master."

"Your… foot."

"Yes master. Obviously. I mean, it certainly isn't one of my hands – you have both of mine in your sturdy, hard, overpowering grasp."

There are definitely some unnecessary adjectives there, but I gather my considerable guts and looked up all the same. Surely, there really was a foot there.

"Okay. How in the nine and a half layers of hell –"

- and I appreciate that she visibly restrains herself from asking me where I get the extra half a hell from. Because hell if I know. –

"- did you manage to curl your foot up behind me and over my head?"

Shizuka perks up. "Oh master, I'm double jointed. Didn't you know?"

I did know, actually. I noted it when I gave her the first check-up of her life. She was cuffed at the time, of course. And disarmed. For my safety. "You're about half a ruler-length away from touching your nose with your toe, Shizuka. I don't think double jointed really covers it."

If possible, Shizuka beams even more blatantly as she preens and begins a prideful display of flexibility by poking her own nose and then tracing the contours of her face in what can only be described as an _obscurely_ erotic fashion... with one manicured big-toe. "Advanced Tantric –"

"Never mind." I interject, holding up my hand in a 'stop' demand. "Just… never mind, okay?"

I don't want to know.

…

Well…

Maybe a litt–

Damnit Ero-Uncle.

* * *

A/N: A bit of a transitionary chapter. Looking back on it, I could have timeskipped over a ton and just summarized what was important. What can I say, though? I wrote it, and it would be cannon to my fic even if it weren't. I might as well post it. Also, people have been telling me to stop trying to curtail this fic and end it sooner. Even my BETA says to stop trying to cut out plot and character development and arcs and scenes and stuff.

Anyways, I think I'll do 3rd person for the next chapter, as the journey through the hurricane should probably be pretty descriptive. That, or I'll timeskip the journey and just land them right where they need to go.

Hmm…

Finally got through all the review a song campaign demand. Now I'm back to unscheduled updates. God, it's been like a month. Was weird to have deadlines like that.

Let's see… Shizuka's still pretty easy to write. I thought she would be hard to write well or interestingly after things settled down. Straight up servitude is innately reliable and therefore predictable, after all. Luckily she's not trained as an actual courtesan – and not trained properly to be a fake one either – or she would probably be really bland in this context.

Got a lot of reviews last chapter. I'm happy about the amount of in-depth ones I got that explained which elements they felt were the best. A lot of people liked shizuka which was a relief. . People got the Haku dynamics as well, even though I intentionally didn't spell out everything in her section. I was also worried that people would get caught up in the drama and the funny would feel out of place or get caught up in the funny and the drama would feel contrived. But it seems to have gone over all right in the end. People more or less got the funny from the drama and the drama from the crazy. So I'm content.

* * *

Omake Section

**I actually got omake** from my reviewers. I think this is the first time I've ever gotten actual full omake scenes (short though they are) from my readers. That's amazing. As expected of the greatest chapter in the history of forever, it really inspired a different degree. Obviously, these are based on chapter 24:

Note that, unlike my omake which are –mostly- cannon to the fic to some degree, neither of these are. Rather than scenes that just didn't have a place to fit into the chapters well, these are just good ol' 'what if' fun. You know, like most omake from any author that isn't me.

.

Guest Omake 1: ChronoMitsurugi

Shizuka: Master, you should not drink so much.

Oh god she's looking at me with those damn loving eyes again. It might be the alcohol, but she looks like a damn puppy like that. With her tail wagging a hundred miles an hour like she just got a treat.

Fuck. The perv was right. I just set a new world record. Getting screwed over in record time. Skip the relationship and go straight to the ball and chain.

Naruto: Barkeep...three more bottles please.

Shizuka: Very well Master. I guess I will just have to care for you till your hangover passes.

Fuck

Naruto: Make it four.

.

Guest Omake 2: goddessa39

Tsunade looked up from her paperwork [damn rules for even her] and she nodded to herself. Her white jacket got slipped off as she walked away from a daily duty she would rather not have and her senses brought her to one of the more high class hot springs in the area. It did not take long for her to find him.

With one giant punch, Jiraiya went flying. A thousand feet above the ground, taking a pause from his crying, the Toad Sannin wondered what Naruto had done now.

On the ground smiling, an aged woman hiding behind a glamour gave herself a pat on the back [via kage bunshin]. Yes, she would not let the letch corrupt her baby.

* * *

As for the paperwork. Note that Tsunade is the director of the hospital in Tsunade's Heir so it's hospital paperwork. Also, I can't believe how well the second one leads in to this chapter.


	26. Chapter 26

Review a song campaign: 1 review of my BETA's song = next chapter within a week (or so.) See my author's page for details. Otherwise, don't worry: I'll see you when I eventually make time for stuff.

Exploratory chapter. I want to try some try/practice some third person techniques and descriptive techniques. And dynamic narrative (is that a real thing? I think that's a real thing). Pay attention, there is a quiz (survey) at the end.

Also, I put up a poll JUST for Tsunade's Hier pairings. Vote. Check it out.

Also, I'm going to take A/N liberties and writing liberties beyond what I normally do. But on the other hand, this is a way faster update than usual so take it with a grain of salt.

* * *

Chapter 26

Rock you like a hurricane.

Naruto looked about him, at the rafters and secured tables. He looked up at the leaking roof and tried to imagine the natural fury beyond.

He found that he couldn't, really. Not in its full scope.

His enemy this time was as a function of nature itself, and somehow to go against it… seemed so much more than a ninja's job.

He wondered if Kenta felt this way when he sailed. Probably not this much.

"We need to cast off." Kenta, a bandana around his greying hair, explained. "The waves might be higher deeper at sea, but nearer to the shore they break more often. And of course, at the shoreline itself, they'll break for certain. At any rate, we'll in principle have to try and ride the swell of the waves. Being hit by the crest would not only set us back, it would hurl us inside about even if you reinforced against structural damage. That is also why we must all be able to secure ourselves with rope at a moment's notice."

"I've got it." Naruto reassured. "No worries."

And so he started to make handseals.

And handseals.

And handseals.

Eventually, Kenta raised an eyebrow. "Wow… okay. Is this going to actually end, or…"

Barkeep split a bemused grin himself. "So do I maybe have time to unbatten some cupboards, boil us some coffee, put everything away again, and re-batten it all?" He asked. "Because I could use a cuppa'."

"Haha." Naruto deadpanned. "Funny guys. Don't even try to start a dis war with me, you land-legged loony lushes. I'll lampoon you into two into such a depression your loins will shrivel up and mummify from associated shame."

The man, being a sailor, stared. "Alliteration dis? I have to say I'm impressed. And I'm a sailor. I retract every bad comment I ever made about you, since I –"

"Bored now." Naruto interrupted. "Dragon's here."

"The what is what?"

* * *

It was a sleet of rain. It was a torrent of wind. Lightning arced in a random dance seemingly at the whims of some god. It was a bleak scene on the eastern coast. The entire dirt road had turned all to mud before eroding into a river itself.

And it was from there that Naruto took his fresh water.

Jutsu activated, the flow began to slow. Then, it ceased, frozen in time. The wind howled and the rain drummed, but that particular part of the river did not move. And just as the current from upstream was about to overrun the water frozen in time, it surged upwards in a spray of water and riverbed rock. A form emerged from the river then, as if nature had decided to give birth to some elemental beast.

And it rose to the sky: a sinuous, thin, solid thing with its tail attached to the water of the river itself.

And the dragon opened its long yawning mouth towards the heavens.

And just then, lightning flashed, as if the beast would use thunder itself for its roar of birth.

And then, it turned it's watery, elemental, cerulean eyes onto one small bar so very small away. So very insignificant to it's great stature. And it slithered down through the sky.

And this great beast tenderly wrapped it's thin but long neck about the bar.

And it set them ever so gently down beyond the waves that crested too often.

It was the last gentleness the travelers would find.

* * *

The waves were high and unreasonable.

And wide. So wide. It took what felt like forever to pass over one safely and it seemed wrong to call them waves at all.

It was tough to keep the buoyancy when the swell threatened to swallow them from underneath.

And when they got to big, one of his watchers would yell to Naruto that they had to scramble. They had to deal with it broke and crested. Before it dragged them in and crashed all around them.

But how do you dodge something so big? How do you dodge a wave that swallows the horizon itself? You can't. You amp up the wind and beat the cresting or you reinforce the structure and be tossed about like a rag-doll in a pit-bull's mouth.

They tried to avoid the latter scenario.

On the inside of this valiant, jury-rigged ship was a scene of mindless repetition.

It was too much stress, for too long. The mind couldn't handle it all, but everyone _knew _they couldn't afford to slack.

So the mind handled it as it could, as was its nature.

And all thoughts but the scurry of tasks were forgotten as if swallowed up by the swell of every wave. They barely remembered what they were there for and they couldn't tell for how long they had been working. Was it six hours? Sixteen? Sixty? They knew not. Barkeep barely remembered a time when he wasn't looking through the hatches. It seemed he had been perched at that window all his life. Shizuka and Haku found themselves occasionally reaching to bail water that wasn't there yet.

Kenta, big and greying, was devoted to his task. He threw rope out the back of the ship, consulted his maps constantly, and practically danced around as he tried to keep them from sailing four hours into the north Atlantic.

Naruto. Naruto expended every bit of every type of reserve that a man could have. And he was both born an Uzumaki and raised by chakra monsters. So his reserves were no laughing matter. His mind too, was taxed. Concentration that could bring the force equivalence of X square feet of TNT into a single pinprick point was taxed over the hours of endless storm.

And then something changed.

"Dear god," Barkeep whispered.

A tornado.

A tornado that stretched up to the heavens and across for a village's width. A tornado littered with the carcasses of fallen ships.

Barkeep yelled "danger!"

Naruto yelled "opportunity!"

That... and "Hold on!"

And if anything could wake the sea goers out of their endless repetition, it was the pure _out of place_-ness that they saw when they looked to the origin of this shout.

Naruto began to rotate in place with such refined elegance that he seemed to be practicing Tai chi. He threw his right arm in wide, opened, concentric circles, and only Shizuka realized what the refined elegance of his motions truly signified. Only she, who had studied his techniques so zealously, knew that he had removed his wind dragon from the sail and was leading it now through this hurricane. He was making it feed off the crosswinds around them. And as if it were an organic beast, the dragon would grow bigger with each meal. Stronger. More violent.

And with each additional rotation that her Master made, Shizuka became that much paler.

She had never seen him charge so long or grandly. It was like looking at a spring that some child stubbornly insisted on loading beyond the manufactured limit.

The others hesitatingly followed her lead in tying themselves to the tables secured to the floor.

And it was then when the little floating bar was lifted up by a dragon for the second time this journey.

Where the thin and purposed Suiryuudan had been alarmingly gentle, Naruto's overcharged Furyuu Toppa was violence itself. It scooped up the bar like pelican on the dive and took off like a rocket. Everyone but Naruto screamed. Everyone but Naruto clutched to their rope and their tables for support.

Naruto simply stood in the middle of it all and concentrated.

Someone screamed "are you insane?"

"Of course not!" Naruto replied. "I would only be insane if this doesn't work!"

And it will, he told himself.

He believed. He overcharged the f*ck out of Furyuu Toppa and he _believed_.

The elemental beast did not disappoint. It raced along the turbulent sea towards its target, diving through the air with the purpose of an arrow freshly loosed.

And like an arrow, it would pierce.

It would pierce.

It _had _to pierce, Naruto thought. And he fed the beast with all he had left.

Had it been much slower, Furyuu Toppa may have crashed into the tornado and been ripped apart by the crosswind. It may have been swallowed up as the inferior wind against one of nature's mightiest performances.

It did not. It was concentrated will and heart. It struck true. It pierced faithfully and guarded its occupants with its mighty clenched jaw. Like this, it broke through the wall of moving wind and all its flying debris. And both the bar and its patrons were introduced to the world of calm in the middle of an unnaturally enormous tornado. The sky was a beautiful clear blue. The tornado, from the inside, seemed as a solid wall of cloud lit with incandescent lightning blue. The world was eerily silent. The water, still.

And as the bar hung above the unnaturally still waters of this peaceful new world, bleeding off what little forwards momentum that hadn't been expended in piercing the tornado, it experienced a moment of quiet and peace.

And then gravity caught up to it.

In the moment when the bar broke through the tornado in the middle of the turbulent sea, Naruto let the technique go immediately and collapsed at once. This had the interesting and unplanned effect of leaving the inhabitants to plummet to their doom.

Shizuka reached out quickly and latched on to her Master. She clutched him securely to her bosom as the inhabitants of the bar felt their untimely decent begin.

Fortunately, they were all secured.

* * *

The inhabitants of the bar were spread-eagled and all but splattered to the floor on their backs. They were rocked with amazement and never so happy to be alive.

Haku didn't have to put very much effort into pretending to be exhausted and bruised. She had utilized much more of her capacity than what a regular apothecary cover normally would, but no one had paid her any mind. They were all too focused on their own tasks. "Can't believe… that's over."

A chuckle started. No one knew who started it. But in seconds they were all joined in. They laughed at the fates. Laughed weakly, of course. But they laughed all the same.

Naruto was still chuckling a little when he turned to the Barkeep sprawled to his left. "The hell is your bar made out of, old man? Did you paint reinforced steel to look like wood?"

Barkeep laughed. "That's my old girl. I knew she could do it. You know, they don't make them like they used to?"

"I believe you." Naruto said. "I really do."

There had been more to it than that. He never did recall the reinforcement chakra after he let Furyuu Toppa go. Hell, he hadn't even actually _let _Furyuu Toppa go. He had just passed out. So the bar really had been strong like steel when it crashed to the water below. Still, the structure was somewhat of a marvel.

He still didn't know exactly how long they had been at sea now. Time had blurred pretty hard back there. But even the best reinforcement could only go so far with an inherently weak structure. So Naruto was certain that the bar's own integrity had saved them from a watery grave more than once or twice.

Shizuka interrupted his thoughts. "Master are you well?"

Naruto groaned. What a question to ask. It made him actually take stock of himself and he groaned again. "Define 'well'." He said.

"Are you in danger? Do you require something?"

"Food, a toothbrush, and a bed. In that order."

Shizuka perked up. Her head raised two whole centimeters from the floor before she rolled over and began to drag herself across the common room. "I'm coming Master. I'll be there in five minutes."

She was two whole tables away. Naruto wasn't sure if she was going to be able to keep to her optimistic schedule.

Barkeep stumbled up. He was old and thin, but his job had been more about the mental strain than the physical. "Food's my job." He declared in a voice hoarse from constant yelled warnings. Then he stumbled purposefully towards the bar. "We have chips, bagels, and about fifty pounds of salted peanuts. And beer. Lots of beer."

"I'll take seven bagels. Shizuka, what do you want?"

"I would like three bagels, Master."

"Kenta?" Naruto asked.

"I want a steak dinner." The sailor moaned.

"F*ck no." Barkeep replied succinctly.

"Well don't you have jerky or something?"

"Yes. But they're up the stairs and in the back."

"Can you go get it?"

"Sure."

"Really?" Kenta perked up.

"F*ck no. "

Kenta sighed. "I'll have three bagels."

"Thirteen bagels old man." Naruto summarized.

"That'll be 390 ryo."

"Really?" Naruto moaned. "You're going to charge us? We just braved the hurricane of the century and rammed through a tornado together so we could take a nap in the eye of the storm. I thought we were tight, barkeep?"

"Food's my job. That means I get paid. And I haven't had a paying customer in weeks. Humour me."

"Put it on my tab. I'll pay for it once I can reach my wallet. "

"Where's that?'

"My left pocket."

"I'll get it Master. I'm coming. Three more minutes."

Bagels were hurled across the room with alarming accuracy. Naruto was going to comment on this, but a bagel rammed between his teeth stopped him.

Chew Chew.

Swallow.

And Naruto had a new comment to make. "I have to tell you: this crusty stale bagel is the most delicious bagel I've ever had in my whole life."

Barkeep nodded. "It's the ambiance. That's what it is."

"And the company." Kenta mumbled through his own bagel.

"I believe you." Naruto said. "I really do."

* * *

A/N: Lololololol. Okay guys and girls. It's that time again. HAPPY FUN SURVEY TIME LOLOLOLOL!11! You don't have to do the survey. But I'd appreciate it. Um... okay. If I get 10+ of these things filled out I'll write the next chapter within a few days of getting the 10th. If it gets towards 10 then I'll try to update in a proportional kind of manner.

You can answer the questions any way you want, but some pre-made answers were put together to help you out if you need them.

Q. 1) This chapter itself was:

Engaging.

Not engaging. Should have just time-skipped it.

Q.2) Third person narrative was:

Totally necessary to use this kind of imagery!

Not as good as first person would have been!

Q.3) The imagery that was there in the trip through the storm was (choose all that apply):

Dynamic. I could kind of feel it.

Descriptive. I could see it but I was not immersed.

Corny. Dude, I love you but you're trying to hard.

Trippy. Your imagination is pretty crazy.

Exciting.

Just bad. I tried to follow it but it sux. I'm sorry. Please only do perverted jokes, action scenes, and family drama.

I pretty much just skip anything without quotation marks.

Q.4) The pacing was:

Too fast

Too slow

A mixed bag

The transitions are too choppy

Q.5) The scene after getting through the tornado was:

Appreciated.

Unappreciated.

6.) Use of metaphors is:

Good. It adds qualitative properties to what is going on that I can't describe but whatever I like it.

Bad. Just describe it how it is in straight up terms. Don't get flashy. Keepin' it real.

P.S. other comments are appreciated. Particularly, if you have a favorite descriptive line I want to know it.

P.S.S. review plox.

* * *

Guest Omake Section

Guest Omake 1: Cry Wine? by Goddessa39

Mizuke Kenta, the barkeep, look up over the counter at the annoying brat, or at least, the brat that looked like he could have been annoying in a normal and perfect world. His yellow hair was still damp as was his clothing, though that was nothing new.

But, Kenta knew, it would be his job to clean the floor and toss the water out of the inn/bar/boat/place of residence. Crap.

With a sigh, he bent over his stock and dishes of alcohol. Now, the brat hadn't exactly specified what he'd wanted. He was slightly annoying, but he was also, Kenta had heard, something of a busy boy. The poor kid. His hand wavered over the boring stuff before moving over a bottle of red something that was old and likely acidic by now. Nah, he shrugged and went for the gree jug. It was rich stuff and fit to take down an elephant. The kid looked like he needed it.

"Here, kid," he motioned to a dish and poured a nice amount, he thought about adding some water in the lessen the impact but the lady sitting next to him, hot and older at that, took it and put it to the boy's mouth. Yeah, this was fucked up. The kid needed it.

As Naruto sipped and swallowed, Kenta waited for him to drop. But he didn't. With a raised eyebrow, Mizuke Kenta popped the top, took a sniff and frowned. Yep, it was what he thought it was, praise She-of-good-Whiskey-and-Wine.

By the third serving, Kenta felt numb and the crazy woman next to the blonde was still insane and showing nothing on her face but absolute subservience to the boy. Naruto was mumbling quietly to himself. He seemed about to fall asleep but he was still looking around and acting paranoid. He kept muttering things like, "What will my mommy say?" "Damn Ero-Uncle!" and "Ramen-Kami, help me," and things of that sort.

The strange woman, Shizuka, snapped the occasional photo after she took the cap off the front. After the fourth serving, the boy finally dropped. To sleep. And the woman carried him up to sleep.

In the quiet of the night, the barkeep looked pensive. "I wonder..." he mumbled aloud. He took a dish for himself, filled it half with water and half with the sake he had given to the brat. He sipped it back like a professional sailor and fisherman he was.

At first, nothing happened.

Then he settled the plugged jug on the counter, let the dish drop, and fell to the floor himself. He had just enough time to tuck his arm behind his head for a pillow as the room went bright, then dark, and he dreamed of whiskey and wine.

In the morning, the goddess would be in his thoughts.

.

.

Guest Omake 2: by Lunatic Pandora1

I don't even know if I dare open this door, or if I should. But I do and inside is Shizuka, knitting separatively with her hands and feet.

"Master!" She cries joyfully. "I will have these done for you in record time!"

I close the door, may Kami have mercy on my soul.

* * *

A/N: Neither omake is cannon. They're just for fun ^^. I'm happy I got more omake submissions again this time.

Kenta is the old sailor. The barkeep is just called Barkeep. The alcohol should be about that powerful. Shizuka really can knit with her feet.

Naruto's clothes were not damp at the time of the bar-scene back then as they are Crystal Silk and thus are quick-dry. (which stems from a plot arc that I never wrote which involved one of the Houou family assets being a grove of trees left behind by the Shodaime. These special trees were used to create that paper used to determine chakra affinity and other random things. Silkworms that live on these special trees spin crystal silk cocoons, which are harvested for the silk.) There are only two places that have those trees, one owned by the Houous and one somewhere in water country. This silk is mentioned in chapters 11 and 24 but like I said the scene involving these trees will probably never be written. It does exist in the Tsunade's Heir universe though, in the background that only I care about *cry*. The grove is big. It is pretty. It is well guarded from the shadows. Btw the Houous also own a few underground ruins of lost technology, and have mayoral-like sway in the towns around those ruins, as they are more or less built around the flow of technology that stems from the asset under Houou family control. (There was going to be a scene there involving the akatsuki, the houous, and the hyuugas. It was where Eclipse version Shizune was going to premiere. She was going to gank-kill Kabto and 4-5 akatsuki after crashing the lights and tripping the dehumidifier system with gratuitous blood-sprays from Hidan's severed head. This was also abandoned in favor of just time-skipping back to konoha and the scene as it was conceptualized will probably never be written.) Until recently, all proceeds from these large assets went to Konoha villiage finances (ever since the Shodaime's time) as they were pledged to aid the start-up financing of the then-young village. Tsunade has recently began to take back profit rights, and has always held control of the assets in the ownership and managerial sense. Btw Naruto, Tsunade, and Shizune get the silk for their outfits free. Tsunade gets her cameras and a few other lost technology gadgets free.


	27. Chapter 27

As promised: a chapter. Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

I would like to thank everyone for doing the survey. It helped a lot. I learned good stuff. Unfortunately a lot of the more critical advice ultimately equated to extra work so… yeah… Everyone knows we're not sitting on the quality side of my quality-speed spectrum right? We used to be… back when I updated once a semester… Now we're more in the middle. You might not notice a change so much, but I've just gotten that much better. Oh, except for the most excellent chapter in the history of forever of course. That one I worked super hard on.

**Omake's up in the Tsunade's Heir: Omake and Extra Files story. Access from my author's page after you read this. **

* * *

Chapter 27

For Love of a Pebble

Haku sipped her freshly made tea and stared out from the bar entrance, somewhat troubled.

She sat before the bar front double-doors. Now that the double doors had been unbarred, the bar entrance became a platform rather akin to the side of a pool.

Haku chose to sit in seiza at the edge rather than dangle her feet in the water. She had felt far more water on her skin than she was comfortable with, lately.

And she was _Water Country _born and raised.

Then Shizuka approached, her soft footfalls seeming to echo in this strange world of total silence they had found.

The cup was already gently poured by the time Shizuka had come to tuck her worn but elegant purple kimono underneath her as she sat in seiza.

"Good afternoon, Haku-san." Shizuka smiled pleasantly as she inclined her head at a soft angle in greeting.

It was strange, from an objective point of view, how well Shizuka imitated the poise of a woman brought up right. She spoke well, too, when she wasn't zealous. If only Naruto could see her now he…

Well actually, Naruto likely wouldn't have cared. And that, really, was Shizuka's whole damn problem.

Haku smiled back. "Can you call me just Haku? After all we're both…" She left the end unsaid.

Shizuka brightened as she considered the apothecary in training. "Oh! That's right." Hivh-five time. "Then please call me Shizuka."

Both giggled.

Shizuka had felt a familiarity in the other girl on the first night they'd met. Later she had learned that the girl was in a similar position of servitude and braved this hurricane to go to her Master's side.

They had spoken very briefly in the preparations before casting off, and barely in passing after reaching the eye, but it was as if she had known Haku for months.

If a picture really was worth a thousand words, then years of conversations had already passed between them.

Because Shizuka understood everything the girl's face was saying.

She could see the restless dissatisfaction in the corner of the other girl's eye. She could sense Haku's concern for her distant master in the set of the girl's jaw. Little things, that others might take to mean that Haku was stressed for her own sake. But the smaller girl did not have that aura about her. She was like Shizuka. Devout. Shizuka could just tell.

"Is your Master well Shizuka?" Haku inquired.

Shizuka gave a single gentle nod. "He is awake and wished to be alone with his thoughts." She explained as she sat beside her fellow servant. "In the end I'm not certain he got enough sleep, but I made sure he was comfortable and had a hot meal when he woke."

Haku gave a supportive smile. "At least you have performed your duty."

Shizuka smiled. "Yes." That was exactly it. Haku understood. "I… kept him warm, too. I know it isn't as large a deal here in the eye. It is not as humid, nor nearly as damp. But all the same, the sheets are so thin and… to be honest I had to somewhat beg… but I have this particular nightmare." Shizuka explained, becoming somewhat sheepish. "And as expected, I slept very peacefully with my ear to Master's heart. I grew up in a… rather poorly lit place, so what I hear means a lot to me."

Haku filed away the idea that Naruto was either caring or tired enough to allow Shizuka into his bed. "Could I ask you what kind of nightmare this is?" Haku tentatively asked.

"My nightmare? Well…" She considered Haku, so much like a sister from another family. A sister she never knew. "Well, all right." She consented, smiling at the younger girl. "But could I have more tea? Thinking about that dream always leaves me feeling cold."

"Of course."

Shizuka took a deep draft of the warm tea and she stared out at the wall of wind that blocked them off from this hurricane of the century. "Firstly, I am always aware…" she began in a quiet tone, "that I am asleep when the nightmare comes. It is a vivid dream. But I am also aware that it doesn't really matter if it is all fiction because the thought always accompanies that this dream is the story of my life."

Haku nodded.

Shizuka composed herself, imagining how she would explain things. "It goes like this…"

* * *

That dream that I have... is such a terrible dream.

_I am a pebble. _

_I am a pebble about the size of a button and I lay in the middle of crowded a dirt road. There are no trees that I can see, nor are there any discernable markings at all. It is simply an old and dusty road in the middle of a wasteland of nothing. All around me people of every manner of dress walk from one place to another, but I cannot see their facial features. I don't know that they have any. I think their faces are as blank and desolate as the wasteland around us. Then the knowledge strikes me, as knowledge sometimes suddenly does in a dream, that I am just as faceless to them. And then I realize that oh, of course I am so faceless._

_I am a pebble._

_I am stepped on, kicked about, walked over, or even avoided. But always, it is unintentional. Always, it is coincidence. Always, I am never even noticed underfoot. _

And that is it. That is my whole nightmare.

I am trampled forever and not a soul notices they are doing so.

It is a nightmare that goes back to one of my earliest childhood recollections. I remember having when I was four, and when I woke up, I stared around me at the dirt road in bewilderment. I was dressed in rags. My mother the street-gutter whore, when she found my existence would no longer leverage that man's hush-money, had kept my nice clothes as her salvage and left me to wake up abandoned in rags. I told myself I was still dreaming.

Of course, I wasn't.

And sitting there in my rags, I remember, if I had been a pebble I would have been happier.

I spent a few years on my own, one of a thousand street rats in the world. I conned and cheated. I ate scraps. I did what I had to for survival but no amount of survival could t make me feel _alive_.

Still the dream had haunted me. Still I would wake up and wonder if I was asleep or not. I would wonder at the fact that asleep or awake I left no more impression on the world than a pebble did. I was living in the margin of society.

Eventually I broke in to Todai-sama's house. There was no particular reason why I chose that house. Any would do. And I worked the only craft I had ever seen that would entice love from another. When Todai-sama returned home I washed my face and propositioned him. He was not attracted to my childish body, but I learned to serve tea and wine. I learned how to guard and kill. I learned the right tones to wail to make him feel strong. I learned just how to sob for him. I lived in his little basement room and studied to one day become what he would desire.

I had eaten better on the streets, of the bread the bakeries threw out at the end of every day and what else I could scavenge, but Todai-sama looked at me. At least, I thought he did.

And that was all I wanted.

But my nightmare had never gone away. Even when I developed more and more advanced courtesian skills, the nightmare never went away.

Only now do I realize fully that Todai-sama never looked at me. He was looking, always, at the grand court life. And it was the shadow of this which I blearily represented in his eyes.

It… hurts to admit it. It hurts so much and that is why I ran from the truth for so very long.

My whole life has been a waste.

I had that same dream just now, after leading Master to his bed. I sat outside his door with my ninja-to nestled in my lap – to guard him you see – and fell asleep to that nightmare.

I woke and I knew I would not fall asleep again even as my body cried out for it. I could not.

But I did remember… sleeping naked atop my Master that night not long ago…

It had been so sweet.

It was wrong of me. But then, I had done well in my efforts during our trip. I had worked hard for him. Perhaps a reward was not too much to ask. Master is a kind Master. He is no Todai.

I resolved to risk a whipping – what a whipping would feel like from my godling Master I had no idea – but I resolved and went to wake Master to make my case.

He awoke as I approached his bedside. His hand snapped up and clutched my wrist before I could touch him.

And he gave me a guarded look which reminded me of how he would regard me whenever I had come to kill him.

And with a start, I realize that he still worried I would go back to my Bad ways.

The thought almost ripped me in half.

And then I thought: What am I doing? I forgot. I have _so much _to make up for. I have been _so _Bad to my Master. I should not be requesting any such reward!

Somehow things came falling out of my mouth. I explain away why I've approached him. I needed him to know that I would never _ever_…

I had in the past, but I was** confused!**

I was terribly confused and self-deluding!

As he got the gist of things he returned to being groggy and grouchy. Belatedly, I realize the sin of interrupting his well-earned respite.

But then Master heard that I had come to beg him to keep my nightmares at bay.

He was too exhausted and my concerns were too sudden. He was not prepared to hear much of an explanation.

Which was fine. I don't – I wasn't looking for anything anymore. I don't have any right.

But Master, wonderful as he was, took a drawn out look at my face. And whatever he had found in there had convinced him to indulge me. Master… was very gentle like that. He did not suffer lightly pain in what was his.

Not in his family, nor his friends.

And now, it seemed, not in me.

He said only "Damnit", clutched me to his chest, and muttered "keep your clothes on this time."

I fell into him with an 'eep'. A small but powerful hand rested on the back of my head, perhaps by accident. As for Master himself, he fell asleep in moments.

I heard his heartbeat then. It was so steady and sweet. Master himself is just so very **_sweet._**

And I was struck by the powerful fact that I loved him.

I have declared those three little words so eagerly to her Master before. I know that.

But now, in the wake of the nightmare of her life, with the knowledge of what he means to me so fresh in my mind, those words seemed _heavy_ and extraordinarily _important_.

**I love him. **I do. I love him… _so much_. I thought I loved him totally when I found him after the pills. But gradually I'm beginning to learn that love doesn't work that way. Love builds. And in truth, I'm only beginning to love him. The thought that this unstoppable _need _in my heart is _just beginning_ shakes me. But that is what's happening.

Everything my Master does just winds me up more and _more_.

Every time he so much _looks_ at me he _takes _another piece of my heart. Because he _sees _me. I am no faceless thing to him. I am no shadow to him. He sees me and tries to understand. He can't, but he tries. Right now he thinks of me as some pitiful thing and he cares _anyways._

And I **_love him so much._**

And I don't think he really **_understands_** that. I don't think he _can_. Everything I say goes right over his head. It's not the kind of love he would **_know_** anything about. I'm not a normal type of woman and I don't think the way I love him isn't the normal _type_ of love. But… But as much as a pebble can _ever_ love the man that _picks _her up and _makes_ her something, _that is how much I love my Master_. To that degree, and more every day.

I **_love him so much._**

That had been all I could think before the steady beat of Master's heart lulled me to sleep.

_A little boy comes walking down the path with the most gentle, pure smile. He stops before me, picks me out of the dirt amongst all the other pebbles, takes me to his home, and cherishes me in his little pebble collection. As I sit there in his little jar, washed and polished, I find all of a sudden that I have some kind of vibrancy under all the dirt. I think I might be a marble. I think the pebble collection might be a marble jar. I think… I think I might have been meant to sit as a marble in that marble jar from the very moment I was born. I think I was meant to be gazed at for my beauty along with all the other marbles and taken out on occasion to play. And just to be… to be there in general. In his house. On his mantle. To make him **smile.** And I am so… so very happy. I never want to wake up._

* * *

A/N: If you really don't know what to say in your review (someone said it was actually easier to figure what to say because of the survey) I propose you answer this question: "How crazy is Shizuka, and has your view on this changed from chapter to chapter?"

Okay. Let's stop there for now. I can't exactly transition right back to normal conversation after something like that. It would feel… weird.

On the topic of is shizuka crazy or crazy in love? I would like to think that her craziness isn't something that can be explained on a 2D spectrum. It's 3D in my view. I just hope I can convey that. I'm not very good at writing romance. Don't have a lot of practice. I mostly have chars beat things up or joke around.

Also, this chapter gave me a lot of trouble. I did the rough draft, and usually lately the rough draft is good enough with some tweaks. This one was not nearly so cooperative. A lot of it was that I was quite exited that I was going to do the shizuka pov and reveal that no, her pov isn't CRAZY CRAZY dead guy CRAZY servant fetish CRAZY. It's an actual pov. So I got too excited and ended up writing something that took a lot of effort to edit. You might notice the transition from third to first person. That was part of the solution. Also the italics thing... Italics but it's not exactly a dream sequence. But it's not exactly a non-dream sequence. And it's kind of/kind of not a flashback. So I'm like, itali…cise? Okay?

To review or not review. That is the question.


	28. Chapter 28

Ehm. Lately people have been telling me... and I've been kind of thinking too... that this arc is going on too long, with too much Shizuka focus. Yet, I cannot bring myself to shorten it. Frankly, although this story has parts that were thoroughly planned out, it is equally transient. I've thrown out so many perfectly good plotlines it's not even funny.

Why? Because I just couldn't write them. I just... they were boring or lacked something or... something. Or... they were just too similar to most Naruto fanfiction. There's just a lot of Naruto fanfiction staples that... like... I'm tired of (I'm a hardcore veteran reader). My profound hope is that I blindside every single reader at even one single point each over the course of this whole story.

Ehm, basically I'd like to just call the lack of other Konoha presence in this arc a sacrifice to writer motivation and call it even. Also, some people don't really dig the Shiuka while others do. It's one of those tradeoff things that means I can't make everyone happy.

* * *

Chapter 28

Duty

"Sorry… does that make sense?" Shizuka asked, feeling sheepish after the rush of memories and feelings died down.

"It makes perfect sense." Haku affirmed quietly, head turned away in deference while Shizuka collected herself . "But you're right. Naruto-san would never understand. He is not anywhere near being a pebble."

Shizuka giggled. It shook her somewhat from her state. "Yes. The last thing Master gives, is the impression of a pebble." she agreed.

"Yes. Or even if he were a pebble, he probably wouldn't notice." Haku added conspiratingly.

Shizuka grinned. "And if anyone brought it to his attention, he would insist that he was the biggest, most excellent pebble. And he was going to be stepped on by no one. He would decide to be the first pebble to kick humans to the side of the dirt road." Shizuka laughed joyously. "He would! And he would do it, too!"

"I can believe that." Haku admitted. "When it comes to Naruto-san, anything seems possible."

Shizuka nodded, happy that Haku had noticed that of her master. "It is Master's policy to be 'strong enough'. He believes in choosing the appropriate strength from an overwhelming pool of excess. He will accept being slower, have lower probabilities, or being out-teched, but to not have the strength for it is his cardinal sin. He wrings things similar to miracles out of capacity and courage. He always has. As I understand, he learned that miracle worker craft from his mother."

Haku nodded slowly. "This calm is a form of miracle too, is it not? It is extremely unlikely for a tornado to be so wide and so stationary. It is practically a shelter itself. But Shizuka… this miracle is somewhat suspicious, is it not?"

"Hm?"

"Somehow it just felt that… Naruto-san was expecting this tornado. When he heard, he was not simply calm. He was… relieved and his decision was instantaneous. I can't help but feel that this tornado was Naruto-san's true destination, and not Water Country at all."

"Master said he had to get to–"

"Shinobi, as I am to understand from my travels, frequently use that kind of misdirection. In claiming his objective was water country, we would of course have to pass through the sea between the mainland and the water country islands. His objective is obscured with no extra cost."

Shizuka was silent for a moment. "As I said, he learned the miracle worker craft from his mother. Surely he knows some miraculous things that we do not. He was also called out here on a mission but he… has not shared the mission specifics with anyone."

Haku answered in a tone of curiosity. "But how will you know how to assist your Master, if you can't understand what he does? We know that he intends to 'heal' the ocean to stop this hurricane, but that is such an abstract thing. Unless he explains the specifics to you – unless he lets you in on the secrets to the miracles he intends to craft – how can you assist him? How can you keep him safe? And if even his tool cannot stand by him, how will the rest of us?"

Shizuka held a sinking frown. "It does bother me how even now he won't say specifics of what he will do when he wakes up. Kenta and Barkeep are concerned as well. Yet Master has said that these secrets are very dear. He said that they are very dangerous. And he has forbidden me from asking further."

"I see." Haku nodded slowly, observing the somewhat tortured look on Shizuka's face. "And so he keeps the danger to himself, as a protective Master would. Of course many great men meet their ends through ways we cannot understand, but Naruto-san is quite capable." She expressed her musings in a calm and reassuring tone. "I'm sure there is only a very little risk of death and well… If that is all right with you then all is good. You have your orders after all."

Shizuka stared at Haku, and then down at her cooling tea.

An image flashed. A tombstone, and her standing before it. No one was beside her. Nothing existed all around. It was an image she had carried often when she had been hunting him down. It used to motivate her to kill him. Now it motivated her to save him. "It's **not** all right with me." She declared as she shot to her feet, terrified. Her Master was so strong. To Shizuka, he was like a god made flesh. He had always been, and to be honest the vague image of his grave had been as far as her imagination could ever stretch. And to be fully truthful, she had known she was never his match. Nor had she ever gone all-out against him herself. But if anything could kill her great Master, it was the great secrets that he held and feared.

And something just freshly forged… something called 'security' broke in her.

Again, she had something too terrible to consider. Again, she had something she could simply not accept. Killing Toda-sama had left her with a reality that she spent six years unable to bear, but if she stood by and allowed her Master to possibly… for there to be any chance at all that he could _leave_ her -!

There would be no recovering from the madness that would bring. And madness would be the least of her emotional concerns.

"It's really, definitely not all right with me!" She gasped, ice entrenching in her veins. The thought of him being in actual, mortal danger still seemed so abstract but it felt more real by the second. And she hated that. "I can't… I can't possibly go on without him! I can't even _imagine_ going back to being alone. I love him so much and I… Do you think he would really tell me? How must I ask him? He keeps some secrets so tightly and he can be so set in his ways when it suits him!"

"If he would ever tell anyone, he would tell you." Haku reassured compassionately. "He loves you after all. He might call it care and not love, but it's all the same. You are important and precious to his heart."

"Yes." Shizuka nodded nervously, fidgeting with restless energy. "Yes I am. And my Master needs me. I have to _go_."

Haku stopped her. "Wait. Let me check that your Kimono is straight."

"Oh." Shizuka blinked. "It is. I always know how my kimonos fall on me - it is a core courtesan skill. Visually, a dressed woman shows more dress than woman. However, it is good to check before anything important." She said. "Thank you. You are so wise."

"No problem," Haku said as she straightened the fabric with skilled fingers and confirmed the presence of a small and discretely placed device, "it is my pleasure."

Shizuka left in a determined gait.

Haku made sure to visually see the woman disappear up the stairs.

The time had come.

* * *

_ "Excuse me. The alcohol has finally knocked my Master out. I must see him to bed."_

_"Shizuka-san? Will you leave your kimono by the fireplace so that it can dry? If you leave your kimono by the door, I can come fetch it and hang it up for you."_

_"What? But I don't have any other… Master might not appreciate my nudity. My body is for his use, of course, but I cannot perform in that way without permission. It would be Bad. He would not be pleased. And in his current state…"_

_"He's quite inebriated. He'll do no drunken molesting tonight I assure you. I know my share of medicine, being an apothecary in training. And you must not go to bed in wet clothes. You could easily come down with a cold."_

_"A cold? Colds are… contagious, aren't they?"_

_"Of course. He could catch it from you, or could catch it himself from being pressed to your wet kimono. You will be sleeping with him, of course? He could do with your body heat tonight. He is in a delicate state and the nights are cold and humid."_

_"I… see. No, I could not possibly lay wet atop him. What you say is indeed for the best. You are wise and I thank you for your care towards my Master." Shizuka bowed deeply at the waist. "But my purple kimono is the only one I have with me. It is the primary external tool of my craft. I can't just…" _

_"I understand completely. I am rather like yourself."_

_"Like me…? You do have a famillair air about you, but it is not that of a courtesan."_

_"No. But we are very similar in our situations."_

_"Do you mean, you have a…"_

_"Yes."_

_"Oh. What a fortuitous meeting."_

_"I assure you that I will look after your kimono with all care. While I have it, I can repair its damage as well."_

_"I should really do that myself, but I may not have the time… It must… It **must **look appropriate. You understand, don't you? I imagine that you care for your apothecary chest very diligently. My kimono's are much the same. And I have only just found my Master. I must be at my best."_

_"I am skilled with needle and thread. I am quite confident in my capacity and I understand completely what you are saying."_

_"Then… I entrust it to you. And I will explain your great deeds to my Master in the morning."_

_"Oh no. Please don't. These times should only be about the two of you, after all. You have just found each other. You are only just properly bound."_

_Shizuka broke into a brilliant smile. "Then I will keep your advice and sewing services secret. My thanks are not nearly as powerful as the thanks of a Houou clansman, but you have it."_

_"Think nothing of it."_

_And Haku later went to retrieve the wet kimono before Naruto and Shizuka's door._

_And Haku waited by the fireplace until the very dead of night when all reasonable things slept heaviest. Haku waited with her sewing kit before her and her small, discreet listening device hidden in her apothecary chest. _

* * *

Yes, Haku thought.

The time had come. It was time to see her duty through. It was time to offer the one friendship she had made up to an alter for her Master's sake.

And Haku knew that Shizuka would never forgive her for what she was about to do – what she had already done.

But the woman would _understand_.

Shizuka would have done the same to her, in a heartbeat.

So yes, Haku felt bad. But guilty? No. Not even marginally so. Haku sipped her tea as she adjusted a small black earpiece and slipped it into her inner ear.

Channel A-2 wasn't it?

*ZZzt* *ZZzt* "-ster"

There we go.

"Master. Please? Can't you trust me?"

"Shizuka. It's not a matter of trust. It's not that kind of secret. I could tell you –"

"- but you'd have to kill me? That kind of secret, Master? Just what kind of thing are you planning to face! I come in here and I see you checking your _Genesis Seal? _What am I supposed to think!"

"Killing you wouldn't be my job Shizuka. They have departments for that. They have acronyms and masks and a six step process to _hunt you down _and _kill you _if they find out that you have something in your head you don't have clearance for."

"That doesn't matter! I can't live without you anyways, so why can't I fight with you? Why do you have to be such a hero? I just want to share in your danger like a good –!"

"-Because it's **wrong!** It's wrong, damnit! We're distinct individuals Shizuka! We're our own people!"

"Not me Master. I'm not my person. I'm yours."

"That's the whole damn problem!"

*ZZzt*

Why were these things so unreliable just when you needed them the most? Surely it could have been damaged in the trip but now was _not the time _for it to fail.

"-don't have to be risking your life for me because I'm saying you _can _live without me Shizuka! There's a wealthy family in Sunagakure that owes the Houous a favor. They'll look after you and I left you all my money. It's all in my will."

Haku shook her head. He was completely missing the point.

"You have a **WILL!**" It was not a question. It was an exclamation of horror.

"Shizuka, come on. I'm a shinobi. I've had a will since I was three. I update it like every week."

Well _that_ was the wrong thing to say.

"Ohgod, ohgod, ohgod."

"It's not a big deal!"

*ZZzt*

"- saying that I will die Master! I really will. I will die if I ever see you die before me! My heart will break in two. Otherwise it will simply quit! And if not I will rip it out myself!"

"What did I _say_ about that? You can't keep spouting this 'Master' crap and then just _ignore me! _I told you, you **_aren't allowed –"_**

"You can't stop me from _killing myself if **you're dead!**_"

"I don't believeyou! What the hell Shizuka!"

"I love you! I love you! **I love you!"**

"That's not–"

"I'll prove it! I'll jump out this window! If you're going to die then I don't want to live!"

"One: stop assuming I can't keep myself alive without your help. Two: You realise we're in a second story room above a body of water… right? Hey - Oy! Don't jump with the back of your neck like tha – What did I **_just_** say!"

*ZZzt*

*ZZzt*

*ZZzt*

No. No.

Haku tapped the device in her ear impatiently. It was water resistant. She knew it was.

Not now. She had worked too hard. Risked too much. Betrayed too deep.

*ZZzt*

"-ter. Thank you so much. I'll be so Good. I'll be so helpful. I promise no one else will ever find out."

Just in time.

"Enough." Naruto said. He sounded tired to Haku. Exasperated. Resigned.

Ideal.

"We'll talk. But Shizuka, I can't believe you did that. You know, the human body can be pretty sturdy if it's hit in the right place, but if it's in the wrong place then – hey, be careful. Furyuu Toppa can be pretty gentle, but you can still fall out of its mouth."

That was it. That was why the device had problems. For privacy… he hadn't swept the room or anything so mundane.

He had taken them _up_, perching on his dragon of solid air. Up to the clear sky where no one would expect them to go for privacy. And even if the walls had ears, the sky surely did not.

But he had not stripped Shizuka. He would not think to.

Shizuka was quite astute. Her hearing was alarmingly accurate, seemingly born from spending her childhood in a man's basement. She was also acutely aware of anything attempting to enter the area around her body. Whether this was a courtesan skill to enforce exclusivity clauses by holding unwanted male attention at a distance, or whether this was a retainer skill to guard against the constant threat of assassination, it was at a masterful level. And her kimono never left her. It was as her second skin.

Except Haku had been invited to operate on that skin.

It should be said, that for all that Shizuka was…

She was not a shinobi. That was so easy to forget, but so very important in this instance.

"I really need to get you to a psychiatrist."

"It's not like that Master. Or, not quite."

"Then what, huh? What is it? You just tried to kill yourself to prove a point!"

"I… I just love you Master. I love you so much."

"Shizuka. Other than how I fight, heal, and how I lock people up you barely know anything _about_ me."

"I know that. I realize that now. But every new thing I learn keeps driving me deeper and deeper in –"

"Enough."

"…"

"…"

"*sigh* And anyways, I took you up here, didn't I? I'm going to tell you. But remember, if you tell _anyone _you'll be in a world of trouble. And then I'll have to bail you out. And we'll probably end up on the run together, going place to place fearing for our lives."

"…That sounds very romantic."

"Shizuka."

"Yes Master. Sorry Master. I won't tell a soul."

"*Sigh**deep breath*… Firstly, the storm isn't caused by chakra. But that doesn't make it natural either, okay? Humans aren't the only ones that figured out how to twist energy and do great things. Demonic Chakra, or Yoki, that demons use, isn't _exactly_ chakra in the sense that _our _chakra is. And it takes a particular tweaking of chakra sense to feel it. Just like that, there are other powers that can't be sensed because _they _aren't _quite _chakra _either_. Okay? And there is a thing like that, like an animal, but one that can control the ocean like its own hand. We might as well call it the ocean's spirit. It's heart. But we don't sense that it's behind all this because its energy is _different_. And it's hurt. You get it? That's what I was called for. I'm a _healer _after all. And all this crap that's happening to the world all comes back to that. It's hurt and like any animal…"

"… it protects itself." Shizuka breathed. "Those natural disasters were all done by this Leviathan?"

"Yes. That's where the storm came from, and what it's for. If you spin water around in the air hard enough and control the heat and cold currents just right, you can whip together a powerful local tornado that has no right being so large or so stationary. If you make thunderclouds, the lightning will come on its own. They're all meant to keep things away from it; like a hedgehog that curls up into a ball. They're all designed to keep enemies away from _exactly right here_. Right here and about 14,000 ft. _down_."

"But then why doesn't it attack with us so close? Why not lash out like a true beast? Swallow us whole with the jaws of the sea itself?"

"There are ways for it to sense me when I'm this close. That's why it doesn't mind us here. It's because of me. This has always been about me and it. I'm its family doctor. Or, my clan is. That's why a _Houou _had to be called in. It recognizes me. We've been introduced."

The rumours were confirmed. Even the Leviathan needed a doctor and the Houou family had an enormous amount of goodwill and family honour. Double-crossing in Water Country was far too common, so if anyone would be trusted enough for the task…

"I… understand Master. At least… I am trying to. I'm doing my best. But… Is it a very dangerous creature? Are you… going to be safe? I can't… you have to know that I can't live without you. You _have_ to understand that much."

"I think I'm starting to catch on, yeah."

"So… is it very dangerous?"

"It's just a big teddy bear on the inside."

"Oh! Oh good..."

"It's just that I have to prepare for the worst. Leviathan is a big deal, Shizuka. It's hard to explain just what you could do with that kind of power so a lot of people are after it. I don't _expect _trouble but I want to be prepared for it. And there are lots of other problems."

"Yes Master. How may I help you?"

"Leviathan is probably in deep sea. The pressures there are very different. I'll need a hyperbolic oxygen array set up for when I come back and you'll need to power it."

"Yes Master."

"I'll need to prep my equipment too. I don't know what kind of injury or illness it has. The mission specifics were vague on purpose."

"Yes Master. Thank you so much for trusting me with this. Thank you so, so much for letting me in. Letting me help keep you safe. I'll be so Good, you'll see. I promise I'll take your secrets to my grave. I swear on all that is bright in the sky."

*ZZzt*

*ZZzt*

Click.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

A/N: If you really don't know what to say in your review I propose you answer one of these questions: "Coming into this chapter, how likely had you thought it was that Haku would have an agenda? Was the reveal done well?"

Okay… so **_now _**go back and re-read the bar scenes with all that you have learned. Bwhahahahaha.

So… everyone remembers... that Haku is, like… a missing-nin murdering shinobi and stuff… so she's sneaky and stuff… and her master is Zabuza and stuff… right?

Also, remember when Naruto couldn't sense Shukaku chakra way back when he fought it a long time ago? Yeah, that's because in my story at the time I had decided that demon chakra would be a little different from human chakra and so Naruto who had no instinctive chakra sense but who slowly built it up in a methodological way, would not be able to sense it properly. I don't think I ever explained it and I might have been holding onto that fact aaaaal this time only to make use of it now when he explains the whether energy thing.

The answer to the question posed by the very last part of the previous chapter is: "yes you should."


	29. Chapter 29

So out of 12 people that talked about it, only 1 person admitted to being fully surprised by Haku having a scheme. A few just had a feeling or varying levels of suspicion. I had given the whole 'she didn't take the chance to kill him' and 'she's just trying to get back to Zabuza, so she needs Naruto' and the time lag, and the different situation, and people _still _didn't go for it. I guess the Haku-agenda thing is pretty entrenched.

This one goes out to all the university students that are working on thier final projects. Banzai you poor bastards. Try not to kill your group members. You need them for the peer evals.

* * *

Chapter 29

Underneath the Surface

I have Furyuu Toppa gently take us for a ride in a wide, lazy circle. Furyuu Toppa had to move. If it stopped then it stopped existing.

"What sparked all this anyway?" I asked in a huff.

…It was nice to have someone like Shizuka back me up.

It was nice to have backup period.

But it felt like I was taking advantage, somehow, of this older woman… because, after all, she had been brainwashed.

But she wasn't exactly giving me a lot of options.

And it was nice to have backup.

"I was talking with Haku." She tells me sheepishly as she looks up from where she kneels upon jaws of ephemeral wind.

"It's just 'Haku' now?" I ask, looking slightly down at her from where I stand, arms crossed.

That familiar tone is intruiging.

"Yes. I think we're friends."

Holly shit! Really? "That's good!" I encourage enthusiastically. "That's healthy."

Or, wait, Haku had a 'master'.

…well Shizuka had to start somewhere, right? Maybe she could get friends less likely to be enablers in the future.

"She is very wise, Master. And good with a needle as well. No surprise I suppose, since we're both similar. I do find her wardrobe drab but that may be on purpose since her Master is not here."

…Hey, if I could maybe get Haku to translate Shizuka's 'master-speak' for me, that'd be amazing.

A thought strikes me. "Good with a needle? Apothecary don't sew people up. Well, not generally."

"No Master." Shizuka shakes her head. "Do you always think about medicine first? She repaired my kimono."

…She what? But Shizuka never let anyone else touch any kimono she wore. I remember, she insisted on doing her own laundry by hand even in jail. And though she would wear the prison garb she would keep her kimono under her pillow and otherwise always in sight. It used to cause me all kinds of problems with the wardens.

So when…

Oh. That night. Things were all headaches and hurricanes back then, so I had glossed over some things. The memory comes back of that morning where I woke up to find Shizuka naked under my – our I suppose – covers. She had… left her kimono downstairs to dry. That's right.

Surely she wouldn't have left it all by itself.

…huh.

So she had trusted Haku from back then, and had her protect it…

…And that's why Haku brought it up the next day.

That's kind of…

….huh.

…

…

…

I'm an idiot.

"Take it off." I demand. "Everything."

I'd better be wrong about this. Haku had a chance to take me out when she was taking the serum before. But maybe she wasn't after my life.

Or, most likely, I'm just being paranoid.

"Master?" Shizuka asks, alarmed. "Here? This is so sudden!" She exclaimed and reached up slowly. "Only, my body is yours exclusively... Considering that, this environment is rather open?"

"Shizuka. We're really freaking high up and directly over the roof of the bar. No one can see you and I'll turn away."

Two slender hands hold the sides of my chin. Her right is callused from practicing her Ninja-to skills so diligently. Her left is softer and gentler than satin.

"You don't have to, Master. Only you don't." She whispers to me. "That's what I was trying to say." Her gaze is more steady than it has a right to be, considering what she had just said.

"C-Cut it out." I pull away and turn around.

She's so embarrassing.

Finally, though, she hands me her kimono over my shoulder.

"Um, Master? What next? Would you like to begin with a–"

"No."

"…Oh." Don't sound so disappointed. You're confusing enough as it is.

Still, I regard the kimono.

I'm being paranoid, right?

That's what I keep repeating to myself as I feel carefully around.

There were specific parts to check. We learned that in the academy.

The furls of the sleeves. Where the obi was tied. Between the layers around the neck.

Was that part of the floral pattern or a… no, that's all decoration.

Was that a crease or a… no. that's a crease.

Ah.

…Damnit.

I reach for my kunai pouch. I cut Shizuka's kimono by the multiple layers near the neck.

She gasps in horror from behind me.

I promise I'll buy her a new one and move on.

God-f*cking-damnit I found one.

This thing is tiny. They make them this small? Which ruin is it from? Did I take us high enough to keep us from effective range? It's deactivated. I can tell by feeling for the presence of lightning – or, rather, electricity – under my fingers and finding none. That's good, right? Does that mean it got knocked out by the storm? By Toppa? How _recently _did it die. What, all together, has it compromised?

Was anything overheard at all?

Did it matter in the short run?

After all, either way, I have an urgent requirement to go rat hunting.

"Master, what's that?" Shizuka asks over my shoulder.

"Trouble." I tell her.

* * *

The high and violent waves mean nothing to me. Water is my blood. Violence is my soul.

That's why this rough storm doesn't scare me.

I have hijacked a small vessel, forced those onboard to sail me into the middle of this, and when they faltered through fatigue or fear? I killed them. They cursed me as Kubikiribōchō drank of their blood.

Monster! They screamed. Demon!

Demon?

I laughed. I laugh a lot when I kill. It's a bad habit. People think I laugh because I'm a Demon. They're wrong. I laugh because other people are not Demons.

And in this dog-eat-dog world, that makes every one of them fools. Fools that curse me for playing by the cruel rules that nature would force on us.

Isn't that just goddamn hilarious?

My ship is destroyed. Doesn't matter. I could navigate this ocean in my sleep. I could walk these towering swells of water for weeks. I am Mist born and raised.

All that matters is keeping vigilantly to the distance and locations that my tool has set up for me.

Ah. I see it through the swells of the ocean. A beacon in the storm. A large beacon of ice, held immaculately over a reef well known to me.

There is a scroll inside. I cleave it free and read it.

Ah. My tool. My weapon. More flexible than a kunai. More powerful than Kubikiribōchō.

Empty of feeling, but full of potential.

And so very deceptive.

Well done, Haku. What a true blade you are.

Then, it is time.

* * *

"Master," Shizuka begins, worriedly, "what is it?"

I don't know if I should tell her. Haku's her friend. Don't know if she's had many, or any at all, before.

And was it Haku?

She had the means to plant the bug. She was the obvious choice – and that itself was a problem.

I must keep the obvious in mind, but never at the exclusion of the unlikely.

Because, frankly, that's where we shinobi liked to hide our junk.

Underneath the underneath.

Kenta? Was Kenta all an act? He turned around quickly after I saved his life. How much of that was the sobriety gained from a near-death experience, how much was courage he had finally found again, and how much was all an act…

No. He had been fully poisoned. I had diagnosed him properly. That would have been going too far for cover.

Or would it?

And what about Barkeep?

Did I know anything about Barkeep, really, other than he was just a barkeep?

When a shinobi went to town for info, they went to one of three places: the bars, the brothels, or the yakuza.

Barkeep had been in business for a long time – didn't he say he had seen all manner of people walk through his bar? Some of which were shinobi? How connected was he to the underground information network? Well enough to guess the presence of Leviathan, and know the going rate for what any additional information on the mythical creature was worth?

He had given me that sake-jug of knock-out level alcohol content. It was almost sure to have created the opportunity. And why the whole jug, when one saucer was meant to knock out the rowdiest customers?

If Haku had the opportunity, then Barkeep had created that opportunity.

Were they in cahoots? Had Haku's watch really been vigilant, or had she been a reasonable individual that just left it by the fireplace and went to bed? It would take moments to plant the device.

Could Haku be framed?

Just five minutes ago I had felt so secure in the comradrie of the people in this bar. How quickly a little black complication changes things.

And Shizuka.

I look at her, so adult in body, so young in mind. She stares back innocently with a crease of worry on her brow.

_I love you. I love you. **I love you!**_

I don't really believe those words. I don't know too much about love, but I'd like to believe that a reasonable amount of free will is a prerequisite. And I don't think Shizuka has that. Still, I believe that Shizuka believes it. And she wants to help me. She won't let me _not let _her help me. I believe that too. After our little fight I'm starting to get that, at least for now, I serve as some kind of emotional crutch for her. Some kind of prosthetic for her heart.

But she had a certain history with love. She hadn't meant to kill Todai, but she had meant every second of poisoning his wife. To her, that had been in her and Todai's best interests.

Just what did she consider my best interests, anyways? Just what could she justify if she really put her mind to it? What _couldn't _she?

Worse, me and her had a long and publicly known history.

A little bit of digging would have told anyone that wanted to know that she had a funny way of tracking me down, and I had a funny way of not killing her. A little digging more would tell them that she had a weak mentality. She simply couldn't handle certain concepts. I don't think she has the base… the sensation of security in her life that acts as a buffer for the rest of us. She could be manipulated by old-school genjutsu. The kinds of insidious illusions that didn't need chakra or seals, but just the right words at the right time.

Would my enemies know her as an 'in'? Who's to say the bug wasn't planted weeks or months ago?

Who's to say she hadn't been convinced it was in my best interests, somehow?

No. I consider Shizuka at length. She stares back, concerned and tentative.

No, she's up front with me. She knows me well enough that she knows better than to try going behind my back. If I found her out, she would lose everything that she wants.

Too much. There's just too much to consider. Anyone could be against me. Maybe everyone is. Maybe no one. Maybe they're together. Maybe they're working for different parties, all lured by the Leviathan. Imagine that, if everyone here were so secretly undercover that no one knew anyone else was after the same thing.

But whether everyone is really against me or not, I only have a problem with whichever side planted the bug. I can run everything without involving them at all in anything secretive, and the only time I let information about Leviathan out of my head was up in Toppa where only this sideways, slippery blindside could compromise me. So one way or another, I have one side to deal with.

I need to narrow things down.

What concrete leads did I have, other than conjecture? The Demon Brothers which had attacked me… I should consider them. They had actually come out. They were of a side that was confirmed. Were they comrades of someone on the boat? They weren't all that competent. They could have been opportunists after a pot-shot after the price on my head. But in light of recent events, they seemed more like the small fish that the big fish conned into testing the waters.

"M...Master?" Shizuka asks, haltingly. "Would you like some tea?"

Tea? Now?

"Haku has a nice set downstairs, Master. I can –"

"Now's not the time for tea, Shizuka."

"O-Okay. Okay Master. Can I do anything for you? Would you like me to take my kimono off again? I'll do anything. So… So please don't look at me like that?"

I snap my eyes shut. "I didn't mean to." I tell her honestly.

She seems so sensitive all a sudden.

"…Tea, you said?" ...Tea.

...huh.

"Yes Master. I drank tea with Haku by the bar doors. Would you like some?" She asks, excited, yet still flighty. "I – I'll go and –"

"No. I'll go." I open my eyes. I feel through my inner jacket pocket for what I need.

A vial and its contents- so inconspicuous. So rare. So potent.

So deadly in its obscurity.

And right now, it would be my key to the future. It would resolve everything.

"Master? What's that?"

"Poison." I tell her. "A vial used to inject the claws of one of the demon brothers of the mist. I looted it before hiding them in the forest, broken." I hadn't wanted to carry their dead weight with us for our sailing trip.

And without their gear, they were nothing of note. So I wasn't all too concerned.

But of all their gear, the poison had been the most exotic. It needed to be, to have any effectiveness against the shinobi forces. We, generally, are an aggregation of a shitload of immunities.

But they really got their hands on something good. I red it up in my notes after the fact. A beautiful, sinful poison, Butterfly Dew is both obscure effective, having no more taste than a drop of dew rollong off a butterfly's wings - and being just as difficult to harvest.

And I have a whole vial.

"What are you going to do with it?" Shizuka asks me tentatively.

"I'm going to go spike Haku's tea."

"Master?" Shizuka gasps in alarm. "I – I don't understand."

I know Shizuka. Of course you don't.

I keep forgetting, since you fight and track like us, that you're not actually a shinobi.

But I am.

Your noble master? I'm sorry, that's another misconception on your part.

I try to be noble when I can afford to be. And most of the time, I really can afford it. I do my damn level best to afford it.

But when the chips come down at the end of the day and the game is so rigged that the only way I can come out ahead is to cheat like a punk, I go to work.

Noble ends, maybe. Noble means?

Not so much. Not right now.

I bring us down to my room, hopping through the window.

I reach for the door handle and in a flash I find Shizuka in my way.

"I told you not to do that speed thing." Going to stop me, Shizuka? Going to try and keep me from your friend using non-lethal force? I see the confusion in your face. The internal strife and torture.

You and I, we have such a funny relationship. I used to wish I could do anything to stop you trying to kill me. These days, it seems like you're clinging to an almost desperate level.

And if you try to go against me again… if you were to try to attack me again, for the sake of your friend, I would be so happy for you.

There's irony there, somewhere.

"If I'm going to fight by your side, Master," she tells me after taking a deep, resolving breath, "I'm going to need to use this speed. And … you will have to tell me how I must support you."

One day, somewhere, she really will choose something over me. At that time, I now realize, she'll be free of everything Todai did to her.

One day.

Just not today.

And despite myself I'm kind of relieved.

Because, again, backup is always nice.

I won't tell you not to regret standing with me later, Shizuka. Regret it all you want. Regret it like an average, regular member of society.

"Here's what I need you to do."

* * *

I walk down the stairs into the common area, Shizuka trialing behind me. Barkeep is busying himself cleaning up some glass that broke when one of the cupboards unbattened in the course of our trip.

I'll get to him later. He's not going anywhere.

The first order I had given Shizuka was: no one leaves the bar.

She goes up to the counter and orders a drink. Of course, she orders it to go. And if there was one thing beautiful women were universally good at, I would have to say it was at getting men to carry their stuff for them. Barkeep found himself carrying the jug upstairs without even a tip.

And now I have the bottom floor to myself and Haku.

Haku's at the bar double doors, just like Shizuka had said. She's sitting with her legs folded passively.

I sit down by her, hanging my feet over the lip of the bar porch and kicking idly back and forth in the steady water.

"Haku-san?" I ask, looking at her. "I'm going to be away from the Bar for a while."

"I see." She nods. "Where are you going?"

"Just for a walk." I shrug. "You know, out into the ocean. Us Shinobi can do that, by the way."

"Oh, I was aware." Haku replies. "I have seen such in my travels. I'm originally from Water Country, after all. Our Shinobi all seem to be able to do that. But what is out there for you to see, Naruto-san? It is all wind, lightning, and waves beyond this tornado. And within the tornado… well, within it is nothing. I hope you aren't going past the tornado's walls by yourself. Shizuka would be distraught if anything happened to you."

"I know." Outwardly, I give a weak smile to convey my mixed stance on that. Inwardly, I sigh. She hasn't really said anything out of place so far. It would have been strange if she had played ignorant of the water-walking. In Fire Country, it was generally a post-genin exercise. In Water Country, every kid that dropped out of ninja academy (and survived) could do it. So could monks. So could some farmers. Not that her verbal believability mattered too much, I suppose. I'm going to test her in a more robust way soon enough. Still, if she was more suspicious, I'd feel better about what I have to do. "But I do have to leave. I just thought you should know, since you'll be without my protection for a while. I won't be gone long and I can't get into the specifics. It's pretty heavy and dangerous stuff."

"Oh dear." She looks worried.

I grin and say: "Don't worry! I'm strong!" And, demonstrating this, I kick one submerged leg with force.

The water obediently explodes in front of me, splashing us and the tea set.

Haku blinks. "You _are _very strong," She says quietly, "aren't you?" Her brows crease ever so slightly. "Phenomenally so…"

"Yeah. But I get carried away sometimes. Sorry I got you wet." I say 'sheepishly'. "Here, I'll clean it up"

And, producing my handkerchief from a jacket breast inner pocket, I proceed to throw out the saltwater contaminated tea from our teacups, and wipe them clean with my poison coated handkerchief.

I regard Haku. "As strong as I am, I might get into trouble out there anyways." I tell Haku. "I might not make it back alive. It's a part of the job. So… I was hoping… how about a toast?"

"With tea?" She asks, amused. "Very well."

"To coming back alive." I say.

We clink.

"To coming back alive." She repeats.

And we drink from the poisoned cups.

One locomotive.

If you collapse from this poison Haku, I promise I'll get you the antidote. The immunity runs through my veins.

Two locomotive.

Please collapse Haku. I'll still interrogate you, ill and incapacitated from poison even as I try to cure you, but I hope you'll be innocent. I hope everyone in this bar is innocent and the bug device is old and died simply by running out of battery power.

Shizuka can still have her friend. We can still have an ally other than myself that is familiar with medicine. How nice that would be.

But every second that ticks by with you vertical seems to make that gentle future dimmer.

Three locomotive.

"Well," I say aloud, shrug, and proffer my hand, "in case I never see you again, it was nice knowing you Haku-san."

"The honor is mine, Naruto-san."

We shake hands. I don't let go.

Four locomotive.

Five locomotive.

We're both still upright, but I'm immune to this poison.

What's your excuse, Haku?

Are you immune too? Because when I had asked you, that night Kenta was poisoned, you had told me you weren't.

You know, the Demon Brothers told me they'd gotten their poison from an 'associate'. They themselves were not immune.

But the associate that had provided the poison probably was.

Six locomotive.

Seven locomotive.

The poison would have entered the bloodstream very quickly. And from there, it would do its role as a powerful shinobi-grade paralytic.

Eight locomotive.

How many heartbeats was that? Surely it's enough. Her pulse has not changed. From the pulse I feel through her hand it seems that her heart has not slowed, much less frozen in full paralysis.

And my own heart drops. Oh Haku.

And we've been through so much together.

"Naruto…san?" Haku asks. "Could you let go, perhaps?" She pulls tentatively. "This is awkward."

…No. Sorry.

But I'm going to try to keep you alive, Haku. I need information from you, and I just don't ever kill unless I have to.

But as I said, Haku…

In case I never see you again, it was nice knowing you.

"Naruto-san?" She asks, with a bit more insistency. She uses her other hand to try and pry my hand away. " I'm very uncomfortable right now." She tells me.

Huh, she tries to lever my grip away by my thumb, a theoretical weak point of all hand-based grapples and holds.

Not bad.

For an 'apothecary'.

With no warning and barely any beginning action, I crush her entire hand in my grip. She doesn't scream, but looks at me with wide eyes.

Haku… Almost all nin and genjutsu require both hands. And in taijutsu, with a hold on you that you can't shake, you know I'll win. I just showed you what kind of power I can leverage. I have initiative. I have first incapacitating strike. I'm 70% sure that you're who I'm after, and there's very little chance you could talk me down.

Please Haku. Please let us just do this the easy way.

* * *

A/N: If you really don't know what to say in your review I propose you answer one of these questions: " Was the intruige intruiging? Do you think that anyone other than Haku has an agenda?"

You know I had almost gone for a triple-feint and have everyone be friends, battling a rampaging Leviathan instead. As usual, I place the blame for shooting that idea down squarely on my skapegoa - BETA's - shoulders. Ahem. He got me thinking about intrigue or whatever and I was like: huh. Intrigue is intriguing. I guess a team-up would have been more surprising though, but again I think we'd have a lot of people that, being partially inclined both ways, would not be fully surprised at anything. I mean, it's not like the Naruto-mist nin team-up hasn't been done before either.

Man, I got some reviews that hurt. Not terribly bad. Part of being a good fanfiction writer is taking constructive criticism with a grain of salt. Even if it's salt on your wound. But yeah, there's times when you just have to take it Like a Boss.

Some people saw Shizuka as super ultra crazy last chapter. That's because perception of craziness concerning Shizuka is directly inversely proportional to the amount of context given to her because she expresses herself in a weird way – cuz, she was adopted by an asshole. It's a whole poofy artsy thing where you're supposed to learn about mankind's tendency to judge a book by its cover through me repeatedly throwing her at you with and without context. There. I said it. Can't say how well it works/will work. It's an experiment. I like to push boundaries like that. I like to try different techs, and one day I hope to be a published author of moderate repute.

Review if you ever wanted to throttle a group member, regardless of peer evals.


	30. Chapter 30

W00t. 30th chapter. Kirby, dance like an Egyptian!

Z('.'z)Z('.'z)Z('.'z)Z('.'z)

Writing Tip: In terms of fight scene writers block? Mortal Combat Theme. Problem solved.

This one is brought to you by the review-a-song campaign.

* * *

Chapter 30

Pride and Duty

They were seated, side by side, a tray of tea between them.

Vestiges of their civility. Of camaraderie.

And Haku grits her teeth, and her left arm slithers up like a snake past their clasping hands. She would ram her fingers into his eyes.

And Naruto could only think one thing.

_So…_

_That's how it's going to be. _

With a tug, Haku was spun around. She gasped as she felt such force exerted on her right shoulder that she was in the next moment pressed bodily into Houou Naruto.

And she looked up at him, from about his chest, and she saw on his face a mask of regret.

Haku had seldom been more terrified.

When she noticed one toned arm encircling around her waist, she immediately shot back.

But she could only get so far.

She was caught.

Naruto frowned at her. It was almost a pout.

In the next moment Naruto shot up after her, his feet finding purchase in mid-water with little more than a thought.

He went to advance, but a splintering sound and a flare of chakra made him pause.

It was a surprise attack. It was a fully one-handed ninjutsu – a rare and unforeseeable commodity – that Haku had performed behind her back.

From such an odd jutsu stance, the attack was uncontrolled and inefficient. But it was maximized as a surprise attack.

A spike of simple, smooth, solid ice crashed through the wooden bar floor at – through uncontrolled coincidence – an optimal angle to remove Naruto's head.

Naruto barely looked at it, grasped it by the tip, and ripped the structure from the ocean to serve him as a make-shift bludgeoning weapon.

At the moment, a lifetime of hardened combat training stood between Haku and whimpering like a little girl.

One escaped her anyways.

* * *

It had been child's play to get Barkeep up the stairs. There, Shizuka had tied him up in a full-body bind with leftover rope from the makeshift sail, and threw him into the corner with Kenta.

"Wh-" Barkeep spluttered. "What's going on?"

"Keep your voice down, or I will take it as a sign of betrayal to my Master." Shizuka informed, standing rigidly over her bound and kneeling captives. "And I will kill you where you lie. I would not enjoy ending you, so I hope that you will control yourself."

Barkeep opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He looked to Kenta.

"The lass went crazy again." Kenta simplified. "Or something."

Barkeep's eyes travelled up to the ceiling. "Goddess of Wine. It's me again. I fell into the wrong crowd – I humbly ask for your protection in the perpetual hangover that is my life."

Shizuka saw how Kenta was looking at her, as if she were a rabid dog – but one on a leash, at least - that he was exasperated with. She saw how Barkeep seemed to instantly regret ever having known her. And knew that these people were her comrades. There was only one thing to say to summarize just how serious this all was. "Master is going to poison Haku." Shizuka explained quietly.

Wide eyed stares met her. "What's exactly happening, lass?" Kenta asked. "We're all crewmates, aren't we?"

Barkeep just had a dawning realization. Years of experience dealing with customers of varying levels of lethality, in a business centered around getting people to ingest optimal levels of alcohol had left him with an acute danger sense… for his bar. "Oh no. No no no no no. Not in the bar!" He exclaimed. "Take that shit outside!" he demanded in a strained tone, careful not to get too loud lest he loose his head.

Literally.

"I don't know what happened either. I don't understand anything about what suddenly is happening, but I know what I must do to help." Shizuka explained, ignoring Barkeep. She revealed to her captures a troubled expression. "Master just said he had to poison Haku, and he has gone to poison Haku. Master said I am to tie you two up, and I have tied you up. That's all I know..."

"That's it?" Kenta asked. "You tie us up and let the boy poison the girl, for no good reason? That sounds crazy enough to me."

Shizuka made a dismissive gesture. "He is my Master. That is the very best reason." She shook her troubled expression as she begun to reason aloud. "And Master will not kill her. He does not kill many."

"Not _many_ you say?" Kenta asked, weary.

"Sometimes it cannot be avoided. But I'm sure that, whatever Master plans for Haku, she will cooperate and all will be well. If not, I can talk to her. We're friends."

Kenta said nothing.

Barkeep was not so quiet. "Are you listening to me? Take it outside, I said!" He demanded. "Not in the bar! This bar is my life! It's the only thing I have left! It's not just a bar, it's my home! It's my long-time companion! It's practically my wife!"

Kenta turned to his fellow prisoner. "What."

"You heard me!"

"Conditions permitting, I will pass your concerns over the boat on to Master." Shizuka explained, looping lengths of rope through the ceiling rafters. "Now, I regret this, but Master said I must secure you. We are allies, so I do not wish to break all your fingers, your arms, your legs, and render you comatose. Nor am I skilled in those matters. So… I shall restrain you both and you will do your very best to stay extremely still."

Kenta wasn't sure why, but hearing that, with the expression of clinical confidence on Shizuka's face, was far more terrifying than the prospect of being left broken and blissfully comatose.

"H-Hey," he stammered out. "Hey. Are you going to string us up from the rafters? Hey. Hey I've been worried for a while but this… is this Shibari? It is isn't it! We're tied up in Shibari! That perverted thing!"

"It is not perverse." Shizuka denied testily. "It is an erotic art from. There is a difference. Besides which, in terms of perversion, I am only perverse to my Master."

"It's Shibari!" Kenta protested.

"It is closer to Hojojutsu, the root form concerning prisoner detainment, than Shibari. But yes," Shizuka admitted, "there is Shibari there, too."

"I don't like where this is going." Kenta decided. "I very definitely do not."

Shizuka only placed her hands on Kenta's shoulders, and fixed the man with a concrete expression. "Remain very still after I raise you up, Kenta-san, for if you do not…" Shizuka trailed off, a shadow from the rafters falling over her forebodingly, "…it will fall off."

"**_What!_**" Kenta exclaimed in horror and disbelief. "It will – It will _what!_"

Mistaking this exclamation for confusion, Shizuka clarified. "Your p-"

"I know what you're talking about!" Kenta argued. "I –"

"Then there is nothing more to say." Shizuka deduced, jamming a gag into Kenta's mouth and pulling the rope, snapping a particular and decidedly un-enjoyable rope twist into place..

"MmmMMmmMpH!" Kenta, grown muscled sailor that he was, wailed pitifully. His cries wavered in that way that only crotch pain can create. He tried to explain that he'd like to reassess the option of just getting his limbs shattered right now or whatever, but it only came out as an indistinct wail.

As for Barkeep, his demands to keep destruction away from his bar died in his throat as he stared in mute horror. His mouth just hung open in shock.

Which, ironically, made it easier to gag him.

* * *

Naruto palmed the ice spike he'd requisitioned. He swung it like a club at Haku's midsection, this being the hardest swipe he could make for her to dodge. The sheer size of the improvised weapon made even Haku have to push her agility to the limit as she twisted to place her body flat to the floor, the fact that she could get no more than two arm-length's away from her attacker not helping one bit.

Impossibly, the swing stopped before it had even finished and was redirected down at her.

And in that moment Haku understood Shizuka's claim of her master as a godling. His sheer capacity to out-muscle issues that other fighters had to concern themselves with, such as redirecting momentum, made him a different kind of beast.

Physics seemed to only feebly succeed in its desperate attempt to get him to cooperate.

Only the fact that it was ice saved her.

She focused with all she was worth to command the makeshift ice club to stop. She held her half-seal before her as if warding off evil.

The club's decent stopped for just a moment, before Naruto compensated for the new opposing force and simply pushed harder.

Haku had no misconceptions about stopping the attack completely, but it was ice after all, and had been hastily formed.

The clash of forces within the ice caused it to splinter and break. Now Naruto was disarmed.

Yet the boy shrugged, continued to affix her with a frown, and began to hurl her through the air as if to replace his lost club with her body.

As she went sailing from the floor into the wooden bar walls, and from the walls into the floor, occasionally taking a detour through a table or two, Haku was struck by a sudden realization.

She was entirely outmatched.

She formed a half-seal.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock. One moment he had her, the next… she was gone. A thin spike of ice protruded before him, up to eye level. But it was not aimed at him. It simply protruded straight up. He looked to Haku's new location. He looked to the arm in his hand. He frowned.

Haku clutched her bloodied arm as she crouched upon one of the crossbeams that cut across the room, freezing the stump where her elbow had been. She was damaged now. A broken tool. She herself had seen to that. _Zabuza-sama, I…_

The sense of vertigo and confusion that lingered from being thrown into solid wood lingered, her body injured but otherwise functional. With a grunt she popped her now useless arm, long since dislocated by her air-transit, back into place. Years of pain tolerance and self-dehumanization training kept her from expressing any level of pain and, in truth, she popped her arm only for matters of convenience.

Aside from the arm, Haku found her damage was not as bad as expected. If such a thing were possible, Haku felt that she had been manhandled through the air at a… restrained level for shinobi combat.

The ideas seemed incongruous.

And then, there on the high rafters and out of the darkness, stepped Shizuka.

Haku took two steps back, scuttling. Panting.

"Haku," Shizuka whispered, "What have you done? A – Apologize! Apologize right now, and Master will forgive you!" She pleaded. "He'll spare you! It's so easy to be spared by him! Just – Just stay out of his way!"

Internally, Haku flinched at the look on the other girl's face. "I can't do that, Shizuka-san." Haku replied quietly, continuing to retreat slowly until her back met a wall at the corner of the bar. The –san was back. She no longer deserved to drop the honorific. She never deserved to. She eyed Naruto and Shizuka. Both seemed content to keep their distance. They wanted her alive. "I have to be in his way. It's orders."

"Orders? From your master?" Shizuka asked. "What have you done?"

"I leveraged my friendship with you to plant a device in the one place that Naruto-san had as a blind-spot. I leveraged my understanding of our similar mentalities to encourage you to extract information on my behalf."

"You…" Shizuka began quietly "…used me?"

"I use what's available." Haku apologized. "I'm a ninja… and a Servant." She said, in way of explanation. "You were available, Shizuka-san."

Shizuka felt her heart drop. Drop through her chest and shatter on the floor.

"You used me? You **used me?**"

"You should understand, Shizuka. My Master ordered, and that is justification for any –"

"You **used me!**" Shizuka snarled. _I thought she was different. I thought she was **different!**_ "I called you my friend and you** used** me, you two-faced bitch!"

* * *

Naruto was preparing to launch himself into – and through – the rafters after Haku when it happened.

The wall to his left exploded inwards in a shower of broken wood. Naruto, on instinct, half turned and brought his hand up in time to catch the form that had sailed through.

The momentum of the blurred form slid Naruto back two feet.

An… anchor?

From one of the wrecked ships outside of the tornado, likely.

"Master?" Shizuka cried.

"Stay on Haku!" Naruto yelled over his shoulder, before whipping his attention back to where the anchor had come from.

He wasn't capable of catching things in his blindside well. He compensated with his chakra sense.

Which meant that someone had loaded this anchor, and thrown it.

And then, as the anchor felt the pull of gravity drop it to the floor, Naruto looked to the massive hole it had wrought in the bar wall and glared.

As if on queue, a tanned man burst from the ocean, flashing through the air so much like a minnow breaking free of the sea. Graceful, flashing for an instant, and then he descended on Naruto with his sword falling down.

A half-step forwards, and a quick side-kick sent the anchor, still in freefall, back up to Naruto's arm level.

Naruto braced himself with it.

All this in moments.

This block caused Zabuza, Demon and Seven Swordsman of the Mist, to smile in glee under his facemask.

"Not bad, kid."

Naruto looked to his blocking anchor. He made note of the enormous sword, easily twice his height, being forced down through his solid iron anchor with only one hand.

Even though it still had chakra loaded into it.

_Tch._

With movements that spun out with beautiful refinement and fluidity, Zabuza swung the enormous Kubikiribōchō in a dervish of movement amongst the full spectrum of angles of attack.

Naruto backpedalled and spun his own enormous metal instrument in hand, using the wide curve of the anchor's hook to shield himself from the blows.

And his arms buckled.

_What force! _Naruto thought. _What speed. And I can feel it. The arc of his weapon and the clinical precision in his attacks – like a surgeon on the clock. _

_Kidneys, Heart, Liver, Lungs, Spine, Cervical Vein, Neck, Brain. What the hell?_

_This bastard!_

Eight attacks later, Naruto knew that he was being played with. The strikes were not the same, but the targets were, in a looping series of thunderous slashes working their way up the list of the basic 8 killpoints.

Naruto grit his teeth. _Someone this good will only stay cocky through one hit. I have to make it **count!**_ He charged his body with even more chakra than what he had been using against Haku, mixing the physical and spiritual energies in the stewpot of his gut even as he spun and countered desperately.

To 70% capacity.

Enough to ash a small forest.

A rising strike came for his spine, as he knew it would, and Naruto was already spinning his anchor to intercept.

But this time, he flicked the iron in his hands to slam the inside of the hook into the oncoming blade, trapping it in the same motion of his slide forwards.

The genin kept his left arm on the anchor as his right whipped out from its position there into an uncurling backhand blow.

_Godhand: 70%_

In an instant, the torrential force was unleashed. Glass cabinets and mugs shattered. The floor creaked and the entire ship rocked, simply from being in the staging grounds for this destruction.

But the force was almost entirely focused forwards.

Zabuza didn't even have time to widen his eyes. The seamless switch from backpedalling defense to full offense caused him to create yet another hole in the bar wall, this time in the shape of a human body, as he flicked across the calm ocean surface like a skipping stone.

An instant after Zabuza made his exit, the expanding shockwave of Godhand hit the wall and, at the proximity to source and power of the blow, the entire western wall of the first floor was ripped from it's place.

Naruto glared and flexed his hand even as he quickly refilled his body with chakra. _Damn_. He shook his hand. _Something was off with that. He did something._

Haku cried in terror. Shizuka congratulated her Master.

Naruto snapped at her. "Stay on Haku and don't get involved!" _He'd kill you in a flash. _"That's an order!"

And he touched his thumb to a seal scribed to the inside of his jacket sleeve, calling upon a fuma-shuriken and hurling it mid-leap as he chased after his quarry. The man was still alive. Naruto could feel it.

And the man was going to be trouble.

He could feel that too.

* * *

"Master," Haku whispered.

Shizuka stared. Her Master was fighting, and had forbade her from interference.

She would go anyways. She would die to keep him safe.

But she could not simply follow. She couldn't even swim, much less walk on water like Master.

Right now, what she should do was keep Haku out of her Master's business.

And in a flash, she cut the sleeves from her kimono. She cut the bottom to free up her leg movement, and she threw away the sheathe to her ninja-to. She would not need it.

Haku blinked. "I thought your kimono was as your second skin, Shizuka?"

"It is." Shizuka coldly agreed. "But if you think that I wouldn't flail myself for him then you really don't know me after all. You faker. You **user.**"

"I see." Haku said as she began to walk towards Shizuka. "You know, Zabuza-sama likes to tell people that I am stronger than him." Haku explained. "It helps to build my reputation, which bolsters Zabuza-sama's own more than if he were thought of as being strong but solitary. It is a strategy hampered by the low ratio of people we allow to live to speak of us, but in truth I am not his equal, even with both my arms, and I think I would only be a minor distraction in his fight with your master. But if I bring Naruto-san your living, bloody body, I think he will pause despite himself. I think you are a bit of a weak point for your master, Shizuka."

"Allow me to prove you wrong!" Shizuka growled.

Haku flicked her wrist, sending a senbon for Shizuka's head and two for her shoulders. The older woman slipped to almost hug the rafter, and in this low position flittered across the wood like a shadow.

And from the moment she flashed upwards only to have her slash intercepted by three senbon held together in a reverse-grip, the supersonic dance was joined.

* * *

Zabuza grunted as he brought his legs under him.

That had been a hell of a blow. If he hadn't reacted at the last moment…

A familiar sound met the assassin's ears, causing him to whip his head in the direction of the bar in time to see a windmill shuriken flying towards him.

He decided against attempting to catch or block the giant shuriken, judging that the speed it traveled at had a significant amount of super-strength behind it. Therefore Zabuza ducked it, only to see from his new vantage underneath it, the lining of its inner ring with explosive tags. _Heh. Full throttle from the start? Sounds like a Sannin-raised brat, all right._

The explosion and associated shockwave brought a one-story geyser of water, and out of this Zabuza spun through the air completely unharmed. This spinning motion, horizontal with the sea fortunately got him a glimpse of the sky.

And as he exited the spin, he brought Kubikiribōchō up and killed the feed in his legs that kept him above water, diverting energy to his arms and blade.

Before he could even begin to sink, Naruto fell from the sky and snapped from his spinning motion into a falling axe-kick that knocked the Mist nin deep enough underwater that the man was nailed to a deep-sea coral reef. _Again, _Naruto thought, _that feeling… I'm connecting, but it's more like he was riding the force than being hit by it. Considering how quickly Godhand comes out, and how I masked my axe kick in that arial spin… _

_It shouldn't be possible to negate that far. Not with my strength._

He was taking too long to resurface. The hell was he doing down there? Naruto felt a surge of chakra, but it wasn't as if it was anything major.

He frowned. Genjutsu? He Kai-ed just in case.

And then the chakra signature disappeared completely.

And the world was enveloped in white. _Mist._

He could hardly see his own nose in front of him.

_Shit._

Naruto reached out with his chakra-sense, only to be rebuffed.

_The hell? He disappeared. His chakra… it's gone._

_All of it. _

_That goes beyond chakra control. For a shinobi, it's instinctive for us to keep at least a little more than normal at all times. It's tied into simple and primal survival instinct. _

_This man is comfortable walking hand-in-hand with death. His and mine both._

_He must have taught it to Haku, too. That's why I couldn't feel chakra from her at all, all this time._

_I could leap out of here. I'd risk ramming myself into his blade and taking serious damage, but years of Ero-Uncle shunting my training off to the Toad clan makes me A rank in jumping guards. I'd be out and away._

_But he's here. With no chakra. _

_If I could get in close and launch a counter in fast enough for him to still have his defenses down I can cripple him – maybe even end this right here._

Something flickered across Naruto's vision. He immediately struck out with a backhand, tearing at the mist in the air. It billowed and shifted uselessly. _Nothing. _

Suddenly he felt something hard slam into his forehead. Heavily reinforced as he was, only a –clang- and a thin line of blood was proof of damage and he stumbled. _I didn't even see that coming. Not in any spectrum. Not with any of the six senses._

And he was hacked away at, and knocked around.

But he remained calm and analytic.

_In throwing away chakra, a shinobi's staple, the enemy's chakra-sense becomes useless._ Naruto analyzed._ Even the faint inclination of danger that non-sensors receive on some level from feeling chakra approach is completely gone. And with the mist, scent and sight can be manipulated easily. And of course, the mist isn't even loaded with chakra – the jutsu has created a natural phenomena. _

_It's a true Zero-chakra killing style._

_It's a gambit for ultimate stealth. _

_Is that the reasoning behind his outrageously big sword? He can inflict lethal damage to most reinforced shinobi even without chakra. _

_But I'm not most shinobi. I can reinforce higher. I'm not taking any important damage as long as I can safeguard my throat. So as of now, his attacks are just annoying._

_But… he might be setting me up for something._

A sweep from the opposite direction dropped him to the water's surface. _How can he swing that hunk of metal around without making a sound? It might be stifled, but there should still be – some – level of sound!_

And he bet on this, closing his eyes and abandoning furtive grasps for chakra sense. He focused. And then he heard it. A gentle whisper, like the soft _woosh _a door makes when it's opened – totally unnoticeable.

Only here, in the eye of the storm, where all outside sound was devoured by the swirling winds could it be heard. And Naruto crossed his arms above his head. Steel meeting steel-like skin resulted in another clang and, taking this audio cue, Naruto switched his arms into a hold, gripping the sword and smiling to himself.

_A Zero charka technique means more than having your body be only human. _

_Your sword is only steel._

_Godhand: 10%_

Kubikiribōchō shattered in a spray of steel and Naruto rolled to his feet. His hands stung, courtesy of the steel shards embedded therein, made victims of Godhand's chakra emptying trait.

A bemused laugh met his ears. _What's so funny? For a swordsman, the sword is an extension of the self. I effectively just lopped off your most lethal limb._

"You really are a worthy opponent." Zabuza admitted.

And chakra returned to Momochi Zabuza. Naruto spun instantly to face him, as he used a short suiton technique to clear the mist.

_Tch. He's way out of striking range._

Zabuza looked at his Kubikiribōchō, amused. "To think that you could endure my silent killing, and even turn it around. Not many could do so. Most have the soft sound of Kubikiribōchō drowned out by the racing of their own pitiful heart. You stayed calm, analyzed, and countered. For that, you have my respect. Hear my name, worthy opponent: I am Zabuza, Demon of the Mist."

"Of course you are." Naruto replied evenly. "That level of silent killing was otherworldly. It can only be the Mist's Silent Killer." Naruto reasoned as the two began to slowly circle eachother – sharks hunting for the merest scent of blood to attack. "I'm Houou Naruto, apprentice medic-nin."

"Ah, the healers that kill. The great hypocrites of the shinobi society." Zabuza observed derisively.

Naruto frowned. "Yes. I am a healer. I never once in my life introduced myself as a killer, or even just as a shinobi. I am a healer. A combat medic. I heal to recover. I fight to prevent.

"I safeguard life.

"And I made a solemn oath to not tolerate **unnecessary death** before my eyes.

"I know exactly how painful it can be a vow to uphold. Holding it has already burned me again and again. But I need to. I need to have something to believe in. I need to have something greater to aspire to. Something to let me look at my blood-soaked hands and not be sick.

"But this is beyond me and you. This is about a nation surrounded by water, with land so sparse and population so high, that the lower-class was forced to seek life in a sprawling mass of floating houses. People that live depending on Leviathan to leave their waters stable enough to live on, that are losing everything they have to this storm.

"So Zabuza… there's a very simple reason why I'm going to kill you.

"You made yourself **necessary**."

Zabuza laughed again. "Not ignorant then! Just a fool."

"I don't know what you're after," Naruto began, "but it _isn't worth it_. If your homeland means anything to you –"

"Oh, it _means something _to me." Zabuza assured as his cold, killer eyes bore into Naruto's gaze of blue steel. "It is my prize. It is my aspiration. My 'greater thing' that allows me to stare at my blood-soaked hands and not be sick – but filled with glee. I will _own _that country."

"Then get out of my way!" Naruto yelled. "I'm trying to _save_ it! At this rate not even half of it will survive for you to rule!"

"My ambition isn't so mundane. I don't want to _rule it. _I don't want to _use _it. I want to _own _it. I want to purge _every piece _of infidelity from it, and stand at the top – unquestioned. I want to _control _it! Do you **_get it? _I** am the one who **wounded** Leviathan in the first place!" The missing nin declared in gleeful pride. "Even if it hadn't gotten away from me, I had **planned **to ruin that country!"

"What…" Naruto gasped, thinking of the thousand destitute, drowning, and dead. "What are you saying… _What the hell are you even **saying?**_**"**

"Let them _taste _and _fear _the power that I will control! Let the weak be purged, and let the strong be humbled! Let them know that they can _never oppose _the power of Leviathan!

Rage bubbled in Naruto. Rage that yes, this was reality. Yes, this monster before him had done it. Done it all. "It was **_YOU! _**You caused _all this!_" He snarled. "For _nothing! _For _f*cking **pride! **_It was **_YOU!_**"

"It was!" Zabuza practically crowed. "And I will do _so much more _before I am finished! Medic-nin! I have a proposition! Cooperate, and you may have a province of your choosing when I use Leviathan to rule Water Country!" 'Through fear' was left unsaid. "You see, it _needs_ you when it's _injured_. I will _hurt _it, and you will _heal _it – as long as it _obeys_. And thus it will learn to _serve. _If you refuse, then I will kill you all the same and have Haku simply _take_ your place. She's learned medicine for the purpose, after all, but things would be _smoother _with you involved."

Naruto screamed. Chakra flared as he opened all the taps. Released all the safeguards.

He went from 30% to 100% in two seconds, balancing on the precipice of what the body could safely handle. His coils burned and were injured in the process.

But it didn't f*cking matter. As a butterfly bloomed on his skin, metamorphed from the chrysalis that was the diamond-shaped seal so often hid by his bangs, Naruto _knew –_

_It didn't f*ching matter. _

**_"_**If you don't give up_ right now _I'm going to **_rip _**your heart out one **chamber **at a time**_, _**you**_ FUCKING BASTARD!"_**

* * *

A/N: Guiding question for those that need it: "What was your favorite line, and why?"

It's been a while since someone did a review of the song. Review a song campaign information is up on my author's page – first line. In bold. Can't miss it.

Oh. My 3rd nephew, Landon Charles Buck was born last night. Let's all wish Landon the best.

I tried a thing where I did speech but as "you know, like this.

With the line-break, but the same person talking."

I've always regretted the difficulties in line-breaking speech. Doing it as separate quotations gives the inherent feeling that the other person is talking. And I spam that perception, because I'm lazy, so I can't compromise it.

The title refers to Zabuza and Haku's motives.

**To University Students/Prospective Students:**

I stand now at the precipice at the end of my university career, and I find myself with many things to say. Don't worry, it's not like what you'll hear in orientation. It's the _good stuff. _First, always try to form groups as soon as possible. It's a pain to try and get one at the last minute. Second, always give even and full marks on the peer evals unless someone totally bailed out, and make sure that everyone's on the same page for that. Just ignore the teachers if they tell you different. They don't know what they're talking about. Also, teammate consideration should all be effort-based, not quality-based. Third, going to class is probably the safest way to lock in a passing grade. Forth, review (or cramming) generally requires 30 - 60 minutes per textbook chapter, if you're good. And when doing so, go past-exams, course-notes, notes you took in class, and textbook – in that order of importance. Fourth, there are a lot of textbooks you can get online for a slashed price. Of course you can't resell them, but you will often get screwed over on the resell market anyways, because the university decides to update book editions. Most novels for English studies can be found online for free. Fifth, get a laptop. Just... get a laptop. With a big battery. Some universities will rent you a laptop, too, through a program. Sixth, work smart. Give things worth 30% the effort it deserves, and don't give things worth 10% the effort that your 30% thing is hurting for. Seventh, understand what counts towards your major GPA calculation. There are times when electives will count towards your core GPA, and you need to understand that so you can make a proper strategic decision to drop or switch. Eighth, keep an eye on dates. Consider getting on google colander. Google docs is good for collaborative work, as well. Lastly, have a safe place. Have a place of peace in your life, if you can. Univesity is stressful, and often unfair, and largely demoralizing. If you can find a safe place, where you can get away from the expectations of your class, classmates, and parents. Where you don't' feel critics, stifled, or oppressed - if you even have to dedicate the local chapters bookstore or starbucks to being your safe haven, have such a place. Have a time you can explicitly count on to be at peace. You are human, and have a human heart. It can be fragile, but it - and I say this solemnly - it is necessary for a good grade. Keep your heart in health.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Happy New Years. Welcome back to school and all that makes your life miserable.

Oh, and welcome back to Tsunade's Heir.

* * *

Chapter 31

Barfight, Oceanfight

Kenta groaned as he lay, fetal, on the floor, thankful only that his crotch had survived. Barkeep was on his feet, only through sheer willpower.

The entire boat had rocked ferociously a while back, and Barkeep in tears claimed this was because 'some drunk asshole blew up his wall again'.

The violent shake had been, through lucky coincidence, enough to snap the rope that had gone through so much, and been so abused – being previously used as the roping for their sail through the storm of the century.

Barkeep pressed his ear to the door, hoping the danger (to his bar) had passed.

He cringed. "Die-you-little-skank-bitch… two-faced-mongrel... Yeah, the girl is mad as a hornet."

Kenta frowned. "W-Wait... did you say... skank-bitch… two-faced-mongrel? Or Just skank-bitch-two-faced-mongrel?"Kenta asked.

He received a blank look in return.

Kenta sighed, and waddled over to the door. He pressed his ear to it, contemplatively, and began to tap the surface in time to what he heard "Your-face-will-look-like-a…" he tapped "...fucking-cantaloupe…on-an-ugly-stick... It's morse code." Kenta explained, bewildered. "The timing is perfect."

"You're joking." Barkeep deadpanned.

* * *

The pain in Haku's severed limb was numbing now, from the cold. She might have given herself frostbite, but she supposed it did not matter.

Only... the ice block she had used to freeze the wound had been too big. Too bulbus. Perhaps the pain had gotten to her after all...

The mass weighed heavily on her now, as she bobbed and weaved her fellow servant's ninja-to.

The battle had moved from one rafter to the next, Haku attempting to find the gaps in Shizuka's ability.

She was _not _a shinobi, Haku reminded herself.

But she was as fast as one.

And as good in close range.

She concentrated chakra in her legs, not for dash speed, but jump streangth, and flipped half a room leangth over, to another rafter.

But as she sailed, upside down and mid-flip, through the air...

She almost lost her head as Shizuka fairly dashed across the expanses between individual rafters to aim for a running clip.

And when Haku landed in a crouch, one thing became clear...

The woman was no joke.

"I'm going to kill you, Haku." Shizuka informed, and Haku was alarmed to find that she was intimidated by the tone. She was not meant to ever feel such things. The courteous tone, of a woman giving eulogy to someone already in the grave, and her cold expression that was again shrouded in shadow – the long and elegant metallic pins in her hair glinting in some unknown light...

And that _overwhelming _killing intent.

She's not a shinobi, Haku reminded herself.

She's not.

"It was nothing personal, Shizuka." Haku declared to the woman in shrouded in darkness. "I did it for my Master. I understand your hatred, but whichever one of us walks away from this... I want it known, I really did think of you as a good friend. But _it had to be done._ And you would have done the same. One word from your Master, and you would have killed me in my sleep!"

"You used me, Haku." Shizuka informed coldly. "And you are going to pay for it. Master can use me for free. But you... you have to pay. You have to pay in blood and death. You're going to die Haku." And Shizuka crouched, cloaked in shade. "I'm going to kill you."

Haku knew fear, but still she felt...

_I didn't want to part ways like this, Shizuka. _Haku lamented. _Wait. Shade? There are more shadows now. We, _Haku blinked, _We have been extinguishing the hanging lanters, with the dragged wind of our high-speed battle. And somehow, the windows were battened. Were the latches holding them up cut? And the blown out western wall..._

_The tarp is covering it. _

_Did she do that? _

_Now the only source of light is the major lantern on the beam that... Shizuka... is standing... on._

_Oh no._

Shizuka flicked her wrist. A blue flash issued from her ninja-to obediently, cleaving the wooden beam in twain, and the lantern below.

And as Shizuka disappeared, the ragged cut short sleeves and skirt of her kimono vanishing with her into darkness along with the rest of the visible world, Haku felt a small detail beg for attention within the recesses of her mind. Something Shizuka had said of her past…

_I... grew up in a very dark place._

Haku cursed under her breath.

Was she really not a shinobi?

* * *

"Like this?" Asked Barkeep, holding his side of the tarp that had been their makeshift sail.

"That's what she said." Kenta nodded. "Cover the broken wall, she said."

"It just seems like such an obscure thing."

Kenta shrugged. "My morse code, maybe, is a little rusty. Maybe she said to cover the token wall?"

"No..." Barkeep shook his head. "I have enough trouble keeping four regular walls intact. Whatever makes you think I'd install a token one? But well, should we be helping her? Crazy girl strung us up with unmentionable means."

"Aye but... crewmates, eh? What can you do about it? Bound to be a few grevious inflictions of pain here and there. Though... I`m going to have to talk to him about explaining exactly what counts as humane treatment to the girl..."

"That's a sailor's perspective for you." Barkeep replied mid eye-roll. "Well, as long as the fight ends as soon as physically possible, I'll be happy."

"Aren`t you going to pray, Barkeep?"

"The goddess of wine loves a good barroom brawl. She considers the broken tables, chairs, and inventory sacrificial tribute to her. She`d just egg them on."

"... My kind of goddess."

"Shut up ya damn lush."

* * *

_My name is Houou Naruto. I've lived a life of protection. I've been protected all my life. From attackers. From starvation. Even from loneliness, when I was taken in as an infant. _

_And as I stand here, a million miles from home – A million miles from safety… I realize. _

_It's my turn to protect. _

_So Zabuza, you better get the fuck out of my way._

Naruto's close range style, such as it was, could essentially be considered counterpunching. He would snuff the smaller hit, and counter with something surely more deadly.

Because of this, going on the offence was a rather stupid thing to do at the moment.

He knew this even as he slid across the still water's surface to meet Zabuza's reformed blade in a clash of fist on steel, and a spray of seawater.

But he would make up the difference in pure passion.

From his naturally lower position, he stepped in and pressed yet harder against the flat of Zabuza's blade, digging under his center of gravity.

All conventional martial arts began from the ground. All conventional power, speed, and skill began from one's footing.

Remove that and Naruto was certain that whatever trick Zabuza tried, he would still take crippling damage.

But this wasn't a match of conventional martial arts. This was a match of trickery and near mythic energy.

And in the next moment, Naruto found himself swallowed by the sea floor.

Dragged under, wide-eyed, he was taken to the deep darkness.

He spun as he tried to find the exact dimensions and characteristics of the jutsu. But it was all so dark, and it was water within water that he sought.

For all the goliath-like strength and defence that 100% chackra loading afforded him, it was not conducive to fighting the raw element in this manner.

Above the surface, Zabuza grinned. The problem with being Sannin-trained, he mused, was that a Sannin was a fundamentally different kind of being. The kid was no Sannin, and going full throttle from the start as they did proved disastrous with his rather more limited library of techniques. He became predictable.

Zabuza shook his head. In the end, the kid was a kid. Too passionate. Too hasty. It was true that he wielded the mighty Godhand, but Zabuza was an elite. He took hits from Kage and lived. During the Great Shinobi war, he'd been specifically trained to take on the damn originator of that technique.

A kid wielding the godly force was easy enough to stop.

It was, in essence, an explosive charge. Oh, it far out stepped physical explosives in terms of concentration and pure transferred force. But the theory was essentially the same. The closer to proximity you were, the greater the damage would be inflicted by an exponential relationship. In fact, if Godhand fired when in full contact – that is, the fist was flush to your body – then the fist itself acted like an explosive cap. Instead of the force rolling and pushing on your body, it would have little choice but to penetrate and crack you in two like a piece of rock.

Even riding the force, and even taking the hit from a kid, it was still a blow to be reckoned with…

But he was fucking Momomochi Zabuza. Renegade. Elite. Survivor. He could take a flying boulder to the face and walk away.

Hell, if a flying boulder had the utter misfortune to take a Zabuza face to the body, it would be split in two.

He stepped into the floating bar where his ward was locked in battle. The blown away wall made it easy to make a grand entrance. "Haku!" He yelled as he cleaved a triangle of cloth away. "Get your cabinet. We're going."

"I'm a little-" She grunted. "Indisposed, Zabuza-sama!"

Zabuza would have none of that shit. He reached out towards one of the blurs going past, and yanked Haku to a stop by her hair. "What's wrong with you? She's not even a real ninja. I came in here thinking I could repair my sword with the blood of a moderately incompetent individual, and what do I find? Nothing"

Haku winced, having her head yanked back by the hair. "Forgive me, Zabuza-sama. But in her case, it really is just a matter of nomenclature."

As visibility had returned to the room, Shizuka took that moment to flip behind the counter of the bar.

Bar/Inns were more than the average watering hole They were places of rest. Of nourishment.

Of cooking ingredients and utensils.

Zabuza caught a white bag flying at his face. It was roughly the size of his head, and filled with a white powder. "Flour?" was all he had the time to muse before an ice-pick came spearing through the package, filling his vision with white even as the pick made for his eye.

Zabuza 'Hmm'ed as he lifted his chin to defend his eyes, as he caught the pick between his teeth. "I see your point Haku." He acceded before spitting the steel out like a toothpick. "The kid even had a high-grade tool. Good potential. Little girl!" He declared. "Your master is dead, swallowed by the deep in a jutsu that has taken larger and sterner things than he. You require employment. Purpose."

"Zabuza-sama, be careful." Haku whispered. "She is mad for him. If you provoke her –"

"We are all mad, Haku." Zabuza cut in. "That is what makes us so good at killing."

"Master… is dead?" Shizuka whispered from the dark. "...dead as in, never to return?"

"Yes." Zabuza shrugged. "He got angry. Got sloppy."

It started like a whisper. It rose and swelled like the tide. And soon the sound of Shizuka's giggling filled the room.

"What is she giggling about?" Zabuza snapped at his tool.

"She is mad." Haku responded immediately.

"We're all mad. I keep telling you." Zabuza chided. "You, girl! What's so funny! Your master is dead. Your world has ended!" He declared.

Shizuka stepped towards them, into a light beam cast by what Zabuza had carved out of the tarp. Her sleeves and her hem were torn, but she raised her hand daintily to cover her mouth all the same. With a little imagination, one would have misplaced her for a princess. "You killed him?" She asked. "He got **angry**… and you killed him?" She giggled harder. "Oh great man. Big man. Big, strong, old man. How stupid can you possibly be? My Master is the greatest master. He is strong and noble. And above all, he is kind. So very kind." She smiled fondly. "So kind. Kind to a fault, really. He lives as a god amongst mortals. Did you know that? Did you know that every embrace and handshake, he must undertake with the greatest of care? Did you know that every day, he prays he will not snap his friends in half with his raw power? He is so very kind that people think him clumsy and slow. He's not, you know. He's _really not_. He just treats others delicately, for he knows how men can brake. And he knows what best can make that happen."

"He is drowned." Zabuza sneered. "He could be the toughest man in the world – and believe me, he's _not_ – but even then, he'd still need to breathe."

"Then why don't you touch me?" Shizuka challenged, amused. Delighted. Preening. She wallowed in her station. She tilted her chin up slightly, for he was only a bit taller than her. "If you really want me, then why don't you beat me down and make me yours? Hm? But I warn you, I am previously enslaved." She smiled indolently . "And you'd best recall whom my Master is."

"You really are mad." Zabuza said.

"And," Shizuka giggled, "you still won't lay a finger on me."

"You brag over the dead. No one can hold their breath that long." Zabuza challenged.

"Not even the Toad Sage's heir?" Shizuka asked.

Zabuza swore, because with all the thought of healers and godhand, he had neglected that little fact. He backed away immediately.

Too late. The floor creaked and splintered. A young hand rose, grabbed Zabuza by the ankle, and dragged him into the deep with enough force to place yet another hole in barkeep's dilapidated establishment.

Shizuka and Haku spent a few terse seconds staring at the rather sudden hole in the floor as the water rippled and crashed.

After a huge geyser, Naruto crawled out of the hole, momentarily victorious. "Okay Shizuka," was the first thing as he fixated her with a look of damp exhasperation. "I can see that you're still adapting to the whole 'not out to kill Naruto' thing. I get that. But if this relationship is going to work then we're going to have some long talks about you talking a lot less to my enemies."

"Master!" Shizuka flung herself bodily onto her self-proclaimed 'Master'. "You came for me! I knew you would. You haven't given up on me yet. I knew it. I knew it." She kissed the top of his head.

"And I'm already regretting it." He sighed. "You alright here?" He did a double take on Haku. "She's still up? I disarmed her. Literally." Maybe Haku was more of a threat than he had originally thought.

"Ah. Don't worry Master!" Shizuka pulled away. "I'm taking care of it! I gave this bitch your secrets, but I'm making it right. I'm cleaning up after myself. I'll kill her for you right now. Watch me, Master!" She spun and all but pounced on Haku. "Come, Bitch! Time to die!"

"No. That's not…" Naruto trailed off. He wondered if she would be okay…

He would have handled Haku himself, and hopefully have taken her alive, but a swirling riptide in the floor's hole alerted him.

"Well… time's up." Naruto sighed. There was never enough time. "Haku!" he addressed the fake apothecary. "Shizuka's no good to you dead. Remember that!"

He picked up a chair and stepped forwards, towards the centre of the swirling pool, just as it erupted upwards in a column of swirling torrents.

Zabuza came out of his technique disorientated. He had placed himself inside the centre of the head of his attack in order to spring out and quickly give chase in the event of the brat dodging. Yet the brat had stepped right into the centre of the blow with… a chair.

And yes, Zabuza had barreled the boy through two ceilings and into the clear open sky, but…

The damn kid was grinning even as he hung suspended in the air upside down.

"You're not the only one that can ride force." Naruto informed.

Doing it literally, standing on a chair atop a cyclonic cylinder of water that would punch through the softer metals… was just absurd. But then the Houous were the reinforcement monarchy of the shinobi world.

"But when I do it." Naruto told Zabuza as he palmed the chair by the leg. "It's fucking classy."

And with a smash of splinters and wood, Zabuza took a superhuman chair swing to the face.

Zabuza landed with a splash, on his knees. He stared up, to where Naruto landed upon the bar roof.

He had to look _up_.

And as the shadow of the bar fell over him, he couldn't help but notice how the sunlight seemed to reflect blindingly off of Naruto's pure white outfit.

Light and darkness.

Naruto noticed it as well. He noticed how the shade seemed to cling to Zabuza's grayed skin, like an old friend.

Naruto scowled at Zabuza. "How could you do it... How could you sacrifice all those people for something so stupid as pride? How could you be so heartless?" Naruto demanded.

"Kid," Zabuza's eyebrow raised, "I'm a ninja."

"You're a human being!" Naruto yelled back. "Did you forget? Look at you. You lived ruthless and alone. And what does it get you? You're poor and alone by choice. Your one close person, you call a simple tool and distance from yourself. The hell is the point of it all? How does pride begin to equate all you have sacrificed, you goddamn fool?"

Zabuza shrugged and casually shouldered his massive broadsword. Having been dragged into the deep by the child previously, he had taken a brief moment to locate a shark and rip it apart with his bare hands, for the sake of blood-based armory repairment. "Let me tell you something, you sheltered brat. I killed the entire rest of my graduating class, when I became a Shinobi. And as I looked at my hands, covered in the blood of my peers, do you know what I saw?"

Naruto frowned. "Hell." He answered.

Zabuza grinned. "I saw blood. Just blood. That's all it was. All it ever was. No soul. No dreams. Us humans, kid, we're made up of blood and flesh. There is no Heaven, and no Hell. There are just us beings of flesh and bones… and what we make of ourselves." He readied his blade, happy in his darkness. "And I made myself a demon."

Naruto stepped forwards, to the lip of the roof. "…I remember when I took my first life, in battle. It was an assassin and I had lashed out recklessly, accidentally smearing him across the dirt road. I remember looking at my hands and going into shock, trying to understand what he had done. If at that time, I'd decided that I hadn't taken something sacred… If I had taken a wrong turn and figured I'd just stopped blood and flesh from moving, perhaps I would have ended up just like you. I've never been so fucking glad to be a doctor."

"I still don't think you're much of a threat." Zabuza explained. "But you're worse. Kid, you're a idealist. And from this point on I will eradicate you will the full extent of my prejudice."

Zabuza raised his sword.

Naruto raised his middle finger.

* * *

_Master still loves me._

_Master still loves me._

After the horrible mess she'd made of things, it was all that repeated through Shizuka's head, even as she danced a flurry of steel and ice with her enemy.

He had come for her.

She met Haku within a cylinder of light born from Zabuza's suiton technique. "How can you still blame me for using you," Haku asked, "when you so readily disadvantaged your master even just now?"

"You used me." Shizuka replied angrily. "You _used _me and _none _but Master may do so."

"That's…" Haku trailed off, almost loosing her grip on her ice-dagger. "That's what this is about? You aren't upset about me stealing S-Level information, and bringing an elite-class fighter down on your heads? This is about…"Haku searched distantly for the word. "…exclusivity?"

"I'm an indentured courtesan." Shizuka replied flatly. "It is my primary trade."

They broke their deadlock, Haku falling quickly back into the darkness. "You really are mad."

"Not mad." Shizuka replied. "Just in love. And devoted. And confident - my Master could crush yours like a bug any day."

Haku stared dumfounded at this brazen woman that claimed her child lord as a demonic veteran's equal. "You're so much older than me." She breathed. "And still such a child. Goodbye, Shizuka."

With a flick of her wrist and a half-seal, she emptied the chakra she'd been steadily accumulating and launched an ice spike up.

And up. And up.

* * *

Naruto had been about ready to jump down on Zabuza when it happened. A tremendous Ice spike protruded from the bar, Shziuka clinging to it, with her ninja-to thrust into the side.

She alighted on the roof and greeted Naruto. "Don't they lack imagination, Master? The servant follows her master's techniques so pointlessly."

She spoke too soon, of course. The spike sprung from it yet more protrusions, like the sprawling branches of a tree.

And Shizuka, rather than taking even one step backwards, proceeded to spin and dance…

…and trim said tree.

After a flurry of cloth she settled at last, her pruning done, into a bowing posture.

Naruto wondered if she expected applause.

It was then that the tip of the ice column slid off, courtesy of a clean cut from Shizuka's chakra-powered ninja-to, and rolled down the roof to his feet.

And he realized she wasn't bowing after a performance. She was presenting him with a gift.

A club of ice.

He turned again to Zabuza. "See that, Zabuza? Class. Want to see it closer? Here I fucking come." With a flick of his toe, he launched the man-sized cone of ice up and grabbed it by the thin end.

Then he launched himself off the bar in a spin and landed crashing his makeshift club into the surface of the water.

* * *

The Bar rocked and moaned, as if in plaintive protest to the rough treatment that it received just from sharing waters with these rowdy individuals.

Barkeep was a bundle of nerves.

"Get him kid. Take him out." Kenta encouraged. "Man, would you look at them swing those big clumps of metal and ice? Are you seeing this? Ninjas, they're something else…"

"Well I'm glad you're impressed by the avatars of the destruction of all my long life's work and ambition." Barkeep deadpanned.

"About that… I'm pretty sure…" Kenta mused "that that's Mamochi Zabuza. Somewhat infamous amongst us sailors, we see him as a bit of an ocean demon. If he shows up, you'd better give him a lift or he'll leave you stone dead."

"Great." Barkeep sighed. "Just what I need."

"He's got a bounty." Kenta put in.

"What?"

"A bounty. The man tried to lead a revolution against the military of his country. He's got a pretty high bounty for it… bet the brat would cover your costs."

Barkeep stared at Kenta for a few moments. "You really think so?"

"He payed for food and drink, didn't he?"

The Barkeep thought back to it. Coming through the rain and the wind, as if being chewed up and spit out. Lying on the floor, exhausted, before getting up and serving his first meal in three months. And he got paid. "Well sweetie, sorry," he apologised as he placed a hand on his bar's wall "but you know what they say." He mused as he palmed a piece of scrap paper. "The customer comes first."

"What's that?" Kenta asked.

"Every traveling doctor carries a pen and paper with them. For prescriptions, you see." Barkeep explained. "Or to record the things they've found or applied to a patient for future doctors to see. And this…" he held up a note, "is a note."

The boy, crashing through the floor and ceiling, propelled by a spinning guyser of oceanic current and sitting, of all things, on a wooden chair as he wrote…

"What's it say?" Kenta asked, interested.

"It could be a greater-than sign or a less-than sign… but I think it's a 'V'. Well, not like he had a lot of time to write things down…" Barkeep suggested. "So 'V' must be short for something important."

"…For 'Victory'." Kenta decided. "He's telling us to fight."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

* * *

A/N: I'd like to remind people that there is a review a song campaign. I just like to point this out every now and then, in case of new readers and all that rot. Five minutes and you can be responsible for bringing the next chapter of Tsunade's Heir to the good people of within the week.

Ah, I'm trying to write better. I don't know if you can tell...

I find it very difficult though to do third person properly. Not entirely certain why.

Credit to the BBC TV show Dr. Who for inspiring Shizuka's speech to Zabuza.

I had writer's block due to being unsure of how to carry on after the dramatic ending of the last chapter. Drove me nuts. In the end, I threw out the original idea, sat down for coffee with my BETA, and sorted out how to do the plot over. I have to say that having too much planned can be a curse.

Are people even still reading naruto fanfics? Hmmm. Shippuden is still painfully unfulfilling so... probably. Seriously. Shit feels so shallow.

Edit: Damn document manager for stealing my greater-than and less-than signs, and all my fun made-up composite words. Damn it to hell.

Review.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: The review a song campaign is on hold until I can get an online version of my BETA's song again. The hosting site that it was on went nuts and crackers.

That said, there were people that expressed to me that they would have and had tried to, so this chapter is brought to you by the review a song campaign anyways.

I have had very sporadic update times, this is true. But never, ever let it be said that I ever failed to hold true on my promises for the Review a Song Campaign. I have kept to that update promise alone, diligently.

Also, Happy Chinese New Years!

* * *

Chapter 32

The Supreme Skill of Mankind

When Zabuza had said that he would attack with his full prejudice, he hadn't been kidding.

Naruto landed in a crash upon the water, and in the wake of his attack he found the mist nin miraculously at his side.

It was utterly impossible to dodge the heavy strike that came next, and Naruto found himself turned a full 180% from Zabuza's horizontal cleave. Reinforcement kept him from being split in two. Indeed, it kept his external damage to a slice across his coat and a thin line of blood horizontally across his chest.

But the sheer weight of it seemed to rattle his insides, and it was with difficulty that Naruto brought his left arm up in time to block another swipe. Only the fact that Zabuza was really not holding basck now, and was flooding both his body and his blade with chakra, allowed Naruto to sense the attack and make the blind block in time.

And with maximum reinforcement, the attack was deflected with minimum effort.

Which was a problem.

Because that meant it was a feint.

And it was then that Naruto felt a breeze upon his neck as the broadsword smoothly went over his head, and down.

Naruto felt a flash of confusion as a line of steel fell before his eyes. The cut out ring of Zabuza's sword had fallen over his neck.

And it was rather mad, but the first thing Naruto thought was not how he was screwed and neither did involve plans for counteracting this new development.

It was…

_so that's what that hole is for._

And then Naruto felt himself lifted into the air with by this metallic noose, spun around, and slammed into solid wood. The edge of Zabuza's sword smashed easily through, but its progress was stopped by Naruto's own neck. Effectively, he was pinned between wood and steel.

And positioned as he was, he had virtually no leverage. _It's not just a hole. It's a noose. _

"This sword," Zabuza said conversationally, "is called the 'head cleaver'. Do you want to know why?"

Naruto could rather imagine, but he was in no position to say anything, with so much focus being diverted to reinforcement and to simply trying to breathe.

"It's because I consider it my brother. We stand for the same things. If it breaks, it repairs through blood and death. It is majestic and unrivaled. And personally I always did prefer to take the head. More prestige."

_Bastard. _Naruto thought. He could not say it out loud because the interior of this ring was, perhaps unsurprisingly, sharpened to a razor's edge.

_Not a noose,_ Naruto amended, _a guillotine._ _It's a guillotine sword. That's what the hole is for._

_It's a fucking guillotine… in a fucking sword._

**_Fuck._**

He could reinforce his body to be like steel, but some areas were still more delicate than others. The throat was a relatively unguarded part of the body, having neither an internal guard of bone or muscle that could be relied on naturally or through reinforcement. The only bones there, in fact, comprised of the spinal cord, and that structure was far too precious to be relied on to block anything. Not to mention the blade would have to go through the throat to get there from the front. And so Naruto was diverting a significant amount of his concentration there.

He could godhand the wall, but the godhand acted like a gravity sink. It pulled from everywhere and compressed to a fine point.

It didn't take just what was given to it. It tended to take more.

And with the constant pressure of a blade with a fully grown elite's strength pressed on it, he was debating his survival rate.

He could try to re-divert energy back to his muscles, to simply pull the blade away, but Naruto found himself in a position of no leverage, and his opponent was no pushover. He would require a substantial amount of strength reinforcement and so he encountered the same conundrum. Would he be fast enough?

Haku observed Shizuka. She was fast and alert. It made it difficult to battle her, as it became an issue of who would make the first major mistake.

One cut. That was all it took to change the flow of battle and shortly decide things.

But _getting that one cut!_

The courtesan was so damn good for an informally trained fighter.

But that was what she was. She was a retainer at best. A guard. A counter-assassin.

Haku re-evaluated. This was getting her nowhere, and she had not seen her Master fare nearly as well against Naruto as she would have liked. Haku had seen the boy's power. He really only needed a few good punches with Zabuza's back to the wall.

Shizuka would be most useful to divert Naruto's attention with as a hostage, but Haku was concerned that her own battle with the retainer wouldn't even be finished before her master's.

Time to change priorities. A hostage would be infinitely more effective, but failing that… Haku would have to make do with a body.

"There is a big difference between a retainer and a shinobi." Haku said to the shadows that Shizuka lurked through.

"If it's chakra, I am capable in the field." Shizuka explained.

"No. It's bigger than that. It's as vast a difference as the sea and the stars. We cheat." Haku explained gravely. "Shinobi _cheat_."

And, so saying, Haku back flipped out through the hole her master had torn in the tarp wall.

Shizuka stopped. She could not follow.

She was a poor girl who had lived in a cage and learnt from books and the school of hard knocks.

She could not water walk.

She could not even swim.

And when her acute hearing picked up on the crackling mass of innumerable instances of freezing water, she got the gist of it.

Strategic retreat time.

Barkeep and Kenta were rushing down the stairs when Shizuka came barreling around the corner, her (recently) sleeveless purple kimono.

"We've come to help!" they said in chorus.

.

The statement was so out of place, so unexpected, and so utterly foolish that Shizuka's mad rush stopped as she attempted to process it.

"Are you insane?" She asked.

* * *

They had barely made it to the top floor when the bottom floor was suddenly shred to resemble an homage to swiss cheese, courtesy of a horizontal icicle rain being shot through the building. Haku's solution to the difficulties of getting the first hit in on Shizuka was simply to attack everything with impunity, save of course for the kitchen area where Barkeep had stored his numerous propane canisters.

Shizuka was still best wounded, not dead, and Haku figured that if she repeated this stratagem she had a 50/50 chance of either.

"What fool idea made you think you'd be any use in direct combat?" Shizuka demanded. "And how did you escape your bindings, and why are your nether regions still attached to the appropriate place on your bodies? If you are also ninja in hiding, I swear I will –"

"Your employer gave us this!" Kenta interrupted, holding up the 'V' note as if it were a ward against evil. "We took it for a 'V' for victory. So we thought he wanted us to fight."

Shizuka snatched the paper quickly. They didn't have much time now. Haku could very well be forming another barrage at the moment.

"Master would never order something like that of you civilians. And this is not a 'V'." Shizuka immediately judged. "This is on the back of prescription paper. If you look at the prescription you can see this way is up." She rotated the paper in her hands until top was bottom and bottom was top, and then she blinked. "It's an arrow."

She tilted her head in the direction of the arrow, and the others followed suite. "He wants us to go up." She judged. "And though I loathe to move away from that bitch, we shall go up."

* * *

The icicle rain had weakened the integrity of the wall such that Naruto could crash through it without even having to destroy it personally. With the extra leeway this granted, he slipped from the grasp of Zabuza's sword and leapt backwards into the bar proper as quickly as he could.

Of course, this icicle rain had the additional fault of embedding numerous fist-sized shards of ice in his back. Thankfully, his reinforced skin kept them from embedding their full fist-sized girth.

Also thankfully, pure luck saved him from having ice imbedded into his neck.

Zabuza himself had been nailed in the shoulder, but ripped it out and put the shard aside casually.

And as Naruto got his breath back and his Genesis healing seal got to work on expelling the ice shards and closing his wounds, he understood something.

It was very simple, Naruto thoguht. He was outclassed. He had the edge in power – but not by the large margin to which he was accustomed to - and fell behind in technique and experience.

In this situation, having one out of three was _not _good.

It rather implied his enemy had two out of three.

And the amazing… the truly fantastic thing about power amongst the elites was that it didn't really matter what form it took. Speed could be converted into stopping power. Knowledge could be converted into damage output.

It didn't matter.

And so he was losing. He was certainly losing. Going to lose.

An argument might be made that he had already lost.

And so… basically… essentially…

It was time to go for broke. To use the ultimate, supreme skill honed through countless generations of humanity.

He was going to talk.

And then he was going to cheat.

"Last chance." He offered, as he and Zabuza began to circle eachother inside the bar.

Zabuza looked only mildly amused at Naruto's instant regeneration technique.

To him, Naruto supposed, it didn't matter. His policy was to batter defenses or sneak around in order to achieve the one perfect cut that spelled instant death – a condition widely understood to be without cure.

Haku stepped in through a now ratty and hole-filled tarp to inspect the damage she had wrought. She stopped at Naruto's words, frowned, and began to shadow her master.

"Last chance, you said?" Zabuza asked in amusement. "For what?"

"To give up." Naruto explained. "It's your last chance to give up."

"I thought you hated me. I thought you were going to rip out my heart?" Zabuza asked. "Have you learned your place?"

"I was going to kill you only because I had to. Because you're stopping me from helping a whole lot of people that are sure as hell better than you." Naruto said. "Doing it by ripping out your heart – now that was due to a sickening revulsion about everything you stand for. But for those people… to save them as quickly and safely as possible, I'll even cut a deal with a shit like you."

Zabuza hmphed. "Why should I listen to anything you say? I'm winning."

"Because I can kill you. I can kill you dead." Naruto explained. "Because for me it only takes one lucky shot. And because you're sick Zabuza. You're dying."

Zabuza looked unfazed, but Haku flinched.

And Naruto caught that.

"I thought it was strange." He continued. "You're supposed to be a great elite of Water Country, but I've fought elite. I fight elite every day, and I have a hell of a time ever laying a finger on kaa-chan. You're sick – no." He stopped himself. "Not only that, you're dying. You said that Haku learned medicine so that you could use her to manipulate the Leviathan," Naruto recalled, "but I've seen her apothecary chest and I've talked medicine with her. Her medical concentration isn't on sea-life, it's for people. And there's a predominance of antidotal herbs and mixtures there. It wasn't a coincidence that she held a rare poison like butterfly dew, was it?" he challenged. "You're suffering long-term effects by something even more exotic, and she's been trying to cure you."

"So what?"

"So **_I_** can." Naruto spat back.

Haku's eyes widened and she scurried over to Zabuza's side. "Zabuza-sama." She urged. "He created Butterfly Dew antibodies in a _night!_"

"Shut up. Maintain your stance. I taught you better."

"But Zabuza-sama!"

**"Maintain your stance!"**

Haku did, chastised, and stood at Zabuza's side.

Naruto stared. "Are you seriously going to keep fighting?"

"Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven."

"Those are the devil's words." Naruto observed.

"No!" Zabuza roared. "They are a _Demon's _words! **_My _**words! Words of _pride!_"

"You take it too fucking far!" Naruto shouted back. "You're _killing innocent people_ by the score for it you **fucking idiot!**"

That settled it. He really would have to kill this man.

And he could. He utterly could.

He was outclassed in speed, reach, experience, and familiarity with water as combat terrain.

But he had a chance now, for Zabuza had fallen for the trap of conversation.

If he had truly accepted a trade, then the fighting would have ended then and there.

And if he did not, even with all this on the table, then Naruto would **_know the entirety of Zabuza's heart. _**

For it would have to be a heart filled with to the brim with not a single feeling save for pride.

And that knowledge could be used to kill anyone, really.

In a flash, Naruto made a series of handseals.

From experience, Zabuza was able to recognize the first seal (ram) as the lead in for all Katon jutsu.

And he held elemental superiority.

When the respective jutsu were finished, Naruto had his lungs full of air and fire. Zabuza had derived a cyclonic tendril of water from a hole in the floor, and Haku had created a large and translucent ice shield to defend herself and her master.

Zabuza shot his cyclone forwards.

Naruto turned his face down to the floor, and spat out a small fire dragon.

And as Zabuza's water cyclone barreled him out of the ruined wall he had entered in, Naruto distantly hoped that Haku would survive.

He had no personal quarrel with her, they had braved a hurricane as comrades, and honestly Shizuka needed a friend pretty badly.

* * *

Inside the bar, Haku watched in perplexion as the small fire dragon – practically a lizard, really – zipped across the floor.

It was still fire, and a jutsu, although it was thinner than her wrist. And her first instinct was to attack it, so she forged a small barrage of ice out of her shield and did so.

But it slithered so well and so quickly, like a bolt of lightning that left a trail of charcoal in its wake.

And it slithered around her shield, and straight past both her and her master.

It crawled up a bar stool behind them, inflaming it, hopped onto the counter-top, popped through the opened door to the kitchen, and dove at… the…

…the enormous cabinets that held Barkeep's cooking propane supply locked away.

And the little, quick thing punched through the iron cabinet as if it weren't even there.

* * *

"Why up?" Kenta asked, looking around. "Why the roof? What's here?"

"I don't know, but I have flared my energy." Shizuka explained. "Master will have felt it, and known it for my presence. He knows I have obeyed."

"My Bar…" Barkeep sobbed. "My beautiful Bar…."

And then there was a terrific 'boom' and the poor lower level of the bar finally gave out. With a groan, the bar seemed to breathe its last sigh in the form of plumes of flame and smoke.

Then it collapsed.

The unlikely trio on the roof tumbled and flattened themselves to the wooden roof in alarm – though shizuka stayed in a low crouch - and everything was shaking and falling, before they crashed down to the water.

That took a second to register in their disoriented minds.

The _water_.

There was no bar to land on. They landed on the _water_. Presumably with all the ice, explosions, and rampaging shinobi, there had been enough destruction of main support beams and load-bearing walls to take the top floor, as well as the bottom.

Through sheer will, Barkeep was the first of them up.

**"My Bar!"** Barkeep hollered. **"My beautiful Bar!"**

Kenta stood up and looked around as well.

There were large parts, and there were small parts, but the bar was essentially… completely and totally in parts.

And many of those parts were on fire, because Barkeep kept a lot of alcohol around the 100 proof tier.

Of course the roof had none of that, and was thankfully shingled, so they would be safe for a while. Yet all around them was a debris field of flames.

**"The Booze!"** Kenta hollered. **"The beautiful Booze!"**

* * *

**A/N: **

**FUCK SOPA**

And that's all I'm going to say on that subject.

On another note, I'll say it myself. I'm seriously becoming a bit of a bad-ass writer. A few more years of this and I'll be so good I'll be able to release a book about ninjas being ninjas and beating the shit out of the mafia with vacuum cleaners and household implements like pencil crayons and viagra... and it will be... well not a best seller... but it will be one of those paperbacks in the library rotating shelf things that daydreaming kids and adults read to get away from the monotony of everyday life... and I will be _**damn** _proud of myself. Now how to get published...

Remember that the bar is a bar/inn, and Barkeep has offered food on occasions before. Hence the propane. With this fight, I had the events of both Naruto/Zabuza and Shizuka/Haku's fight affect each-other because... it's just cool. And there is a whole Master-Servant bond thing anyways. Probably most people forgot that Naruto activated Genesis 2 chapters ago. That's because I changed the direction of the fight and it's effects hadn't been noticeable or worth mentioning until just now. That's something for me to meditate on in the future.

There is seriously something up with fanfiction dot net. I swear that this chapter was 2,800 words in microsoft word but it registers as 3,600 in fanfiction dot net's document manager.

I tell you it took some effort into devising a practical use for that damn hole in Zabuza's sword. It's like… what the hell is it? I know Suigetsu put a guy's head in it – I saw a pic when I looked up Zabuza's sword on like… narupedia or something – but it seemed utterly pointless the way he did it.

I don't know if Zabuza's head cleaver actually has an edge inside that hole on it. But it damn well should. Because Guillotine goddamn Sword is a goddamn Guillotine Sword.

Again, I have to say… Doctor Who. It's been really, really, heavily influenced by Doctor Who. For those who don't know about the Doctor, he's basically Sherlock Holmes as a British alien from outer space that fights monsters with sci-fi science and cleverness.

We'll get back to konoha... mnnnn... in maybe 3 or 4 chapters I think. I know a lot of people want it to happen, but it has to be organic and proper. At least I have to try to make it so.

Blahblah, review pls.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N:Yes. It lives. No, it's not dead. Yes, I mean to say that will be updated. Just that I get stuck or distracted now and then (and then, and then, and then)

If I have to type from beyond the grave, this damn story will be finished.

* * *

Chapter 33

The Bloody Legend

Naruto hissed as he got to his feet atop the still rippling surface of the ocean.

The cyclone that Zabuza had used was small, but it had been concentrated.

Luckily his Genesis Seal had half-healed him.

But _half _healed meant that it had expired. He was out of Genesis Energy.

"That's what I get for training so much." Naruto sighed. "Not much extra chakra to put away."

"Master! Master!" He heard as the ringing in his ears subsided.

That had been a goodly sized 'boom'.

Not bad.

As he looked up, he saw the sea of flames. And in it, he saw Shizuka waving one arm frantically.

"Master!"

Naruto sighed. He took two steps, shot off some handseals, spun, and released a moderate furyuu toppa that blew past the roof his crewmates were perched on – clearing a path from burning debris.

He maintained the jutsu, for he was not done with it yet, and sent it to feed on the forceful wind currents in the tornado wall that surrounded them.

Of course, he was still required to lead the dragon, and was rotating his left hand around as if swinging an invisible lasso as he stepped onto what was left of Barkeep's roof.

"Master!" Shizuka exclaimed as she hugged her liege to the valley of her bosom with force that would be suffocating to all but the toad sage's heir. "Congratulations! I knew you would eradicate them. I was worried before – I was terrified you would die and leave me alone – but then that damn fool man told me he had made you **_angry_**. You are so utterly invincible when you are not preoccupied with being kind. You are as a God!"

"Puah!" Naruto exclaimed as he used his unoccupied hand to free himself from Shizuka's (literally) smothering embrace. "I'm no God Shizuka." Naruto sighed. "And that's blasphemy." He pointed out helpfully.

And he was still leading his futon.

Barkeep was both insensible and inconsolable, as he sobbed in a corner of the dilapidated roof. Kenta slapped Naruto on the back. "You did it then, lad? It's over?"

"His chakra was low, because he had just finished using a jutsu." Naruto explained. "And I nailed him from behind with a bit of a trick shot. And he's sick." Naruto shook his head. "And he's had a bar – or what's left of one – collapse on top of him. He should be dead. Most reasonable people would have the decency to just die. But no. It's not over."

As if on que, a grayed hand burst from the other end of the dilapidated roof, sending shingles flying.

Naruto took this time to stop leading his futon. It was fully formed now, and if he really concentrated he would be able to keep it going in as simple a pattern as a large circle without any obvious signs.

It was then that the rest of Momochi Zabuza followed his hand and broke through the roof. He was covered in soot, and his clothes were torn and ragged. A thin steel cylinder – presumably part of bar stool shrapnel – protruded from his left shoulder.

He pulled with him from the wreckage his two tools. His sword remained miraculously intact, and Haku seemed alive as well – if unconscious.

"That…" the mist nin panted. "Wasn't half bad kid."

He stumbled and coughed as he said this, but righted himself soon afterwards through intelligent application of stubborn willfulness.

"Holy shit." Kenta breathed. "Just…. Holy shit."

"I know." Naruto replied. "I know."

And Kenta looked at him. At this child, so young, but standing so straight and unwavering in the face of this… thing that lurched towards them.

With burning debris surrounding them, on this broken roof, in the eye of a hurricane in this godless no-man's land…

Kenta saw this child stare down his seemingly immortal opponent and sigh.

"This ends now." Zabuza growled.

"Yeah." Naruto agreed in a whisper. He shook Shizuka's grip on his arm free and stepped forwards. "Sure. I… would tell you to surrender again. Chop off your sword-arm, I'll come over and secure you, and we'll call it a day. But you won't do that so I'll save us both some time."

He formed the dragon seal.

"Suiryuudan?" Zabuza asked. "You wish to end this with Suiryuudan? You fool."

And Zabuza copied Naruto.

"Zabuza…" Naruto frowned. "You said before that people were just flesh and bones. But they're more. So much more. But… maybe not you. Maybe _you're _just flesh… and bones… and pride. And that's it, that's all there is inside you, you empty man."

"We'll see." Zabuza answered. "I know of your Suiryuudan. It is vast and mighty. My tool reported as much. But I. Am. From. Kirugakure!"

"Of course she did." Naruto answered. "I made a giant one to cast us off of shore. She must have told you all about it. And you think you can do better. You're so sure. You're so prideful, you could never pass up a contest. Pride controls you. It made you kill, and now it's going to kill you." Naruto explained. "Because Zabuza, there's two things about Suiryuudan that are really, really important to know. One, it takes a hell of a long time to cast. And two, I can't fucking use it in saltwater."

"Wha –"

The wind dragon came from above.

The tornado wall itself seemed to spit it out at sonic speeds, and before it could even register on Zabuza's short-range chakra sense, it was forcing him to his knees in a column of turbulent air.

Merely being in the area threatened to blow Kenta, Barkeep, Shizuka, and the unconscious Haku away and the surrounding ring of burning wood was snuffed out as if they were the merest candlewicks.

And Zabuza fell to his knees once more today. And once more he had to _look up._

"That… was the oldest trick in the book." Naruto said. "And you fell for it. Because I'm just a kid, and you're the great Mamochi Zabuza. And you could never, ever, fall for the oldest trick in the book…. Except you did. For pride, you did. And now you don't die in a fiery explosion. And you don't die getting your heart ripped out one chamber at a time. No. You get something worse, you senseless bastard. You die here, on your knees, executed. You die for your own stupidity. You die with a whimper."

And despite himself, Naruto felt remorse.

It was a bad habit, he knew, but one he couldn't shake. No matter how terrible the person, he always found himself feeling this remorse, right at the end.

But maybe that was what separated him from demons like Zabuza in the first place.

But Zabuza still had to die.

"Damn… Brat!" Zabuza ground out.

"It's over." Naruto declared. "It was over from the moment I figured you out. You're… just too predictable. Shizuka, come here!" He called. "And bring your ninja-to."

Zabuza fought and strained, but it was taking all he had just to keep from being plastered to the roof completely.

And he could feel… because he _was_ elite… that yes.

Yes.

Here in this wreckage in the middle of the ocean, underneath a godlike down force of futon, with an entire nation on the line…

It was over.

He had overestimated himself. Damn his body for its betrayal. Damn it for succumbing to the long-term effects of that Mizukage's poison.

Damn it all.

But he would not die with excuses on his lips. He was Momochi Zabuza, and he had embraced the thought of death ever since Haku had diagnosed him.

No, since he first picked up a kunai. Kill or be kill. Dog eat dog.

He had gone his whole life assuming death… was always just a part of it all.

"I…." he began. "Lived… always proud. When I killed my classmates, and when I killed all those others throughout the years… I was proud. Because Momochi Zabuza…the sewer rat… became the Demon of the Mist. He was reborn through blood and death, into someone that mattered! I was going to make that country mine… I was _so close _with the Leviathan! I was going to make it mine, and it was going to be reborn too… through blood and death of the weak and disobedient… into the best fucking country in the world. And I… am not going… to die… **like this!**"

Naruto frowned. "What're you…"

"First Gate… Kai!"

Chakra surged around the man. It flared as if in a cloak of fire. And, slowly, he stood.

Naruto frowned, but remained otherwise unmoved.

"Naruto-sama!" Shizuka gasped. "Is he-"

"No." Naruto shook his head. "My futon is fully free formed. Even if he steps forwards, I can just trace his movements with the down force. Besides, the first gate is a self-destructive delimiter technique and Zabuza's body hasn't been in top form for years." He judged. "Look closer. See how his muscles strain and spasm. It's taking every fiber of the man's being… just to die standing. That's what he meant." Naruto shook his head. "He wouldn't die on his knees."

Zabuza glared directly into the eyes of the one who would presumably bring his bloody life to a close, and there in those cerulean orbs he found resolve and steel.

It would have to do.

This death would have to do for the legend of Momochi Zabuza.

But the brat had better go on to be damn amazing.

"The Head-Cleaver…" He said in a strained and gravelly voice. "You can have it, if you maintain her. And remember the name Momochi Zabuza." Zabuza said, tilting his chin up imperiously. "And aim for the neck."

Naruto nodded.

And he primed Shizuka's ninja-to with a superfluous amount of chakra.

And aimed.

And ended the cruel and bloody legend of Momochi Zabuza.

* * *

It had been a terrible idea, Tsunade reflected.

Not chasing after Naru-chan. That was just natural.

Charging headfirst from the village, Shizune and a few others in tow, and stealing a boat so that she could charge headfirst into the storm of the century, even though she had never been a sailor?

Well that was just how she operated.

No, what had been a terrible, terrible idea…

Was the company she was keeping.

"As we are out at sea, utterly out of our element, and finding our normally godlike battle prowess surprisingly useless against Mother Nature's unkind wrath…" Jiraiya began conversationally. "Could we maybe make out before we die?"

"No." Tsunade ground out.

"What if I do something heroic." Jiraiya wheedled. "If I do something heroic and step directly into certain doom for the sake of your voyage… could I cop a feel?"

God. Damn. It. Tsunade thought to herself.

How had it come to this?

Wait. She knew exactly how it had come to this.

After those damn enemies had dared – **DARED **– to step foot in **her house**, she had known.

She would chase down her son.

She still remembered the night…

* * *

x-weeks ago-x

"You can't be here." Tsunade whispered over her teacup. "You can't." She insisted.

Surrounding her, lurking ineffectually within the shadows of her living room, billowing forms of black and red debated their next moves.

They had infiltrated Konoha, and the Houou household.

And now, the greatest hurdle.

"You can't **be **here." Tsunade repeated, denial giving way to anger. She stood. "I came **here**, to this **fucking town **with all my nightmares and pain and **loss**. I came here to **fucking live **out the rest of my life… so that shit like this wouldn't _happen_." She turned and counted her foes, incensed. "We were supposed to be _safe_."

"Huh." One of the cloaked figures deigned to stride from the shadows. "For Tsunade of the Sannin to be such a coward… I thought you were a gambler? I'm disappointed."

And he took another step.

And died for the first time.

Hidan blinked. "What the fuck." He whispered as he looked down. "What the fuck just happened."

And he stared at the gap in his chest. And before he fell, he was just able to rotate enough to see the fist-shaped hole that dominated the wall behind him. "Well, that's more like it." He whispered as he dropped to the floor in a clump.

Tsunade dropped her outstretched hand.

Of course Tsunade was scared. Her child was out there, on a C-rank mission.

Because, yes, she was a gambler.

But never with her son. Never, ever, with her son.

They were supposed to become low-profile targets, not… this.

Not goddamn _Akatsuki _marks.

Naru-chan wasn't ready!

Tsunade stomped towards the door.

"Hey, hey." Hidan 'tsk'ed as he put a hand on Tsunade's arm. "Do you really think you can just walk out of here?"

"Yeah." Tsunade said, not minding the giant hole that persisted in her (should be dead) accoster. "I do."

"Well…" He wasn't quite sure how to respond wittily to such a blunt and unexpected statement. "…you can't. We're going to stop you." He blinked. "And kill you." He added belatedly.

"You're going to try." Tsunade explained. "You're going to throw yourselves in front of this door because you know that if I get out, you won't be able to follow me. This is our ancestral home, imbued with more power than your puny existences have ever dreamed of, and it _won't let you_ leave. So you'll _line up _nice and neat to keep me away from that door. And _then_," Tsunade leaned in as if to share a secret, "I'm going to walk through you."

* * *

Futon techniques allowed Shizune to move like the wind. She could, well… not _fly._

But _glide_.

Flying would produce too much noise, and presence.

So Shizune glided amongst the back-alleys and streets. Erratic but oh-so-fast.

And she leapt in a spinning, graceful arc – a dismissible shadow in the dark of night, and she spun down the Houou ancestral chimney in an aerial dive.

And slipped on her landing.

She froze; face down on the floor, undignified. Her mask of Eclipse, mark of highest degree of shadow operative pointed directly into the wood floor.

…

Blood.

She had slipped on blood.

And the lack of commotion to accompany it was a noteworthy of caution. At least, she could make her slip into advantage by playing possum and –

"Help me!" A red, wooden face demanded from her peripheral.

He rolled her over, and screamed in her face. "Help me!"

"State your organization, rank, and intention." Shizune deadpanned.

"Akatsuki, grunt, I wanna survive!"

The sound of ominous knuckle-cracking could be heard in the distance.

Observation #1: The face was that of a puppet.

#2: it was not red, but stained in the same substance that decorated this room.

#3: Tsunade-sama was doing _just fine._

Shizune held up an index finger between herself and the frantic wooden man, pointing at his nose. "If you want to live at any cost… "

"Yes? What is it?" Sasori demanded. "How do I get away from this crazy bitch? Every time I throw a puppet at her, they stop, cut their own strings, and run the fuck away!"

Shizune wasn't aware puppets could do that, but if anything was able to spark such an evolution, it would be Pissed!Tsunade. "Well if you _truly _are prepared to throw away all sense of decency and pride, then look over there." Shizune used the same pointer finger, and flicked it to the left.

"Huh?"

Sasori, in his frantic panic, actually looked.

And Shizune stabbed a pair of flat-head screwdrivers into his collar joint, popping his wooden head off with a pry.

By the time Sasori stopped flailing, she had removed his core and was beginning to plug questionable things into it.

Tsunade walked over, steadily, and loomed over Shizune's kneeling form. "Naru-chan?" She asked.

Now, Shizune did not have a split personality.

She just had a past, and a physical symbol of it in the form of a pitch black ANBU mask.

A mask that reminded her of all the endless, emotionless days. All the training and the impersonal deaths she'd scattered in her path.

It put her in the frame of mind of an emotionless, efficient tool that was _willing _to fight dirty and kill _dirtier_.

But still, she froze under her mentor's gaze, and started to sweat bullets.

Woodenly, she rotated her face up towards her mentor. "…Well." She began, thickly. "I received intelligence that you were going to be brutally attacked by a swarm of highly-paid, powerful opponents."

"I was." Tsuande replied. "I killed most of them. Where's Naru-chan? Hey. Shizune." Tsunade loomed. "Where's Naru-chan?"

* * *

So after coming to terms with the concept that, yes, it had been reasonable for Shizune to want to rush back and 'help'.

And that she could move faster without Naru-chan, and that it probably wasn't a good idea to bring him into the area where a group of highly paid, powerful opponents were set up for ambush.

She had forgiven a chastised Shizune, and dragged her along.

And, somehow…

Naru-chan's teammates got involved.

And, she hadn't known what she was thinking at the time – probably nothing – but she decided to drag her old teammate along.

Really, what the _hell _had she been thinking.

"Hey!" She barked. "Watch the mitts!"

Jiraiya giggled perversely. "Oh, sorry. Sorry. I don't know where to hold though!" He 'apologized'. "Space is so tight, and the waves are just – oops!"

Tsunade caught his hand halfway to her chest, unamused.

"It was worth a second try." Jiraiya shrugged. "I regret nothing."

Ultra Noogie-Death.

'poor' Jiraiya was left a smoking mass upon the little raft shared by Tsunade and her compatriots.

"Um, excuse me." Sakura asked, from where she was crouched atop Jiraiya's head. (There was nowhere else to stand). "Is this really necessary?"

"Hah?" Tsunade asked. "Is chasing after my idiot son, who decided not to head back along with the retreat, but to press on with some ridiculous mission, necessary? You bet your pink, underdeveloped ass it's necessary." Tsunade huffed. "Obviously."

"Er, no." Sakura objected, restraining herself from fighting back at the 'underdeveloped' part.

…Really, what could she say.

Tsunade made mountains feel inadequate.

"I mean, travelling like this. On a little raft cobbled together with leftover parts of our ship. I mean - *eek!*"

A lightning bolt flashing in the tumulous clouds above caused Sakura to cut herself off.

"Can't you do something about this? You're a Sannin, right?" Sakura asked desperately.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm a Sannin." Tsunade made an 'I see' gesture. "Wait, which one was I?"

"Er, the Slug Sannin?"

"Right! I'm the f*cking Slug Sannin! We're surrounded by giant, heaving masses of salt water! What the hell am I supposed to do, summon Katsuyu? She'll die! Or do you want me to heal it? Heal the _f*cking _ship that this dumb-ass!" She kicked the 'dumb-ass' in question (Jiraiya). "Crashed into a coral reef?"

"In my defence." Jiraiya muttered, causing Sakura (who was perched on his head) to eep again. "Toads are freshwater creatures, and I've never liked saltwater either. And I never said I could navigate a ship, just that I would – and that was obviously bravado."

"Or I could punch it? Huh? You want me to punch the _f*cking water?_" Tsunade asked Sakura. "Have you ever tried _punching water? _Do you have any idea how _stupid _it is to _punch water?"_

It was then that a collosal three-story wave came to crest upon their little raft, and Tsunade (contradicting herself) punched a hole for their passage through it.

Sakura shrugged and opened her mouth.

"I didn't say I _wouldn't do it_." Tsunade reminded, pre-empting the gennin. "I just said it was a _stupid thing to do_. God, I'm exhausted. I can't keep doing this." Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "Please tell me I won't die in a god-forsaken nameless situation like this."

Jiraiya raised a single index finger.

"No I'm not going to make out with you!" Tsunade shouted at him.

Jiraiya switched to a 'well, what can you do' gesture.

It was dark, and bleak. The rain struck like cold rocks upon the skin. The wind made everything blurry and freezing. The dark, cloudy sky was illuminated only by the movement of lightning. And the thunder was deafening.

And, then and there, in a point more bleak and desperate than Akatsuki's second stringers could have ever managed to wring from her…

…It was there, exhausted from nature's wrathful torrents, that a miracle happened.

It just… stopped.

As as if a great fury had been quelled, or a great wrong had been rightened… the rain stopped striking. The swelling of the ocean persisted, of course, through nothing but momentum. Yet even that, Tsunade could see was losing some of its fervor.

And she could _see_. She could see _sunlight _breaking through the cloudy world.

And for the first time in a long while for Tsunade, things became… essentially, blissfully, and finally… calm.

_Leviathan_, Tsunade thought as she dropped to her knees. _Naru-chan must have healed it. That means… he's… ok._

And in that moment something became clear.

It wasn't about Akatsuki or how she was strong enough to crush them to paste.

It wasn't about political machinations from her own village to take what was her's and her family's.

It wasn't about Jiraiya and his stupidity. It wasn't about her own bullheadedness.

It wasn't about the cold, or exhaustion, or the suffering of the environment or some distant land.

Because some things were just _too important_ to be muddled with all of that other stuff.

_He's ok._

_He's ok._

* * *

A/N: Yeah…

Ok.

Title is a reference to both Zabuza and Tsunade. Think about the chapter, then think about the title.

Hidan is an Akatsuki ninja that is kind of immortal. He has offensive abilities, but they're lame so I won't comment.

Sasori is an Akatsuki ninja that specializes in mass controlling specialized combat puppets as tools of combat, with chakra strings.

Akatsuki is that elite mercenary group made up of defectors from various villiages, with an underlying goal to catch all the pokemo - no, I mean the bijuu. For some odd reason I can't recall, and which keeps changing. But I think many members must all be paid exorbitant sums of money because I never saw what value many members could extract from the odd reason I can't recall, except for the very inner circle.

I managed to curtail my planned Tsunade vs Akatsuki fight significantly.

Huzzah. I'm learning how to make things concise.

Props to my BETA. Had serious writer's block. He helped out.

There is a v2 of this chapter. An alternate version of the first part, which was scrapped. I'll put it up in the omake and extra files section.

Of course there are unanswered questions, particularly on Tsunade's side. I'm aware.

Questions, comments, drop me a line.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Still alive.

* * *

Chapter 34

My Name Is…

Growth and Politics arc start

My name is Shizuka. And my master is… proud of me.

After the events of the Sea-Dragon God, Leviathan, our group has chosen to retreat and recover. Master thought of pressing on to Water Country, to aid in their 'disaster relief' but in his state of mental and physical exhaustion, I managed to convince him to requisition third party aid.

Now I walk down the sandy streets of Sunagakure, looking to purchase some cooking materials while Master discusses business with the Shoujou clan.

Instant Ramen… is so hard to find here. And there are no chickens, so I doubt I would find chicken eggs either.

It's bothersome, because I hope that his favorite food would cheer him up. He was always happy to have Ramen, and it's been so very long since he's had any…

As I have said, Master is currently proud of me, but he is depressed as well.

He has smiled upon me and told me that I was the… better person. Master said this to me while looking down at his bloody hands.

What bittersweet praise.

Master… in the aftermath of that battle as I stared down at the unconscious counterpart to myself, and contemplated the weight of my bloody ninja-to in my hands… the only reason I spared Haku's life was because I thought of you. I don't know if I would have left her dead or alive, but I knew you would never approve reckless murder. You may now doubt it, and worry about it, but I know that is the kind of man you are. I wish that you would take my praise for yourself, because it is all to your influence in the end, and I wish that… you could be happy again.

...Where… oh where can I find some instant Ramen…

* * *

Sand. Sand here, sand there.

Everywhere I look is sand?

I look at the street, and the constant winds of this country have swept sand piles to one side of the buildings. I look at the roofs, and there I find sand. I look at the food stall, and guess what? It's selling sandwiches.

I ask Tsunade-sama what these houses are made of, and guess what? It's sandstone.

My name is Haruno Sakura, and I have sand in every uncomfortable nook and cranny on my body. It's pretty annoying.

As for why I'm here, I'm chasing down my idiot teammate. I'm worried about him, because he's the kind of reckless guy that thinks juggling live dynamite is all great fun, and I heard the chuunin exams are coming up anyway. We should be training and stuff.

So anyways, I and Sasuke-kun ditched Konoha life to go on this merry chase with Naruto's mother.

We went out to sea, got our collective asses handed to us by mother nature, and came whimpering back to shore on our little cobbled together raft. Tsunade-sama says she's sure that now that the ocean has calmed (and she refuses to explain what that was all about), Naruto would probably retreat through this location.

Something about securing relief aid from a mercantile family that owed them one.

I keep forgetting this, but my teammate is an odd kind of shinobi nobility.

Shizune-san has taken off to start combing the city looking for her brother. Apparently he isn't leaking enough chakra for them to get a read on his chakra signature (quite a feat, I'm told), but Shizune claims to possess an 'otoutou-radar' that defies all logic and is based entirely on the twitchiness of her nose.

Tsunade-sama's gone off somewhere without a word, along with Jiraiya…san? I can't call him Jiraiya-sama.

He's a pervert.

Anyways, as for me, I'm off to secure ingredients to cook up something fierce. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach! Sasuke-kyun, you're mine! Bwhaahahahaha!

Ah. Look at that. I spy it through the shop window.

I never thought I'd see this here.

I go in, and reach for it. Sasuke-kun is indifferent to the stuff but I bet Naruto would like it, when we find him.

Mr. Noodles cup noodles.

An amused, lopsided smile on my face, I reach out for the odd, out of place meal on the shelf. Last of its kind.

And I find it spirited away.

I stare at the empty space, pondering this sudden case of illusionary cup noodles and wondering if perhaps I have fallen prey to a mirage of the desert.

"Excuse me". A voice to my side whispers.

And I turn to see something rather depressing.

She's tall. She's beautiful. She's got her hair up elegantly, which is really at odds with her cut up purple kimono. The sleeves and bottom have been cut short and are a bit frayed.

Still… she wears it so well.

And of course, the cleavage.

Damn my flat chest…

"I need this." She tells me, putting a hand over the cup noodles in her basket. "It's mine."

"O…kay." I mutter in assent. I'm pretty sure there was a growl in her voice there, somewhere.

"You can't have it." She clarifies. "Even if you really want it."

I'm pretty sure she's ready to pounce on me if I make a move for it. She's crouched a bit, like a protective tigress.

"Um… please go ahead."

She glares. "Thank you." She says.

What could be so important about cup ramen? Sure it was rare here, but isn't her obsession a bit… off?

And this woman….

…Pretty, in a kimono.

And weird.

…Nah.

On our travels, Shizune had told us a bit of all that happened during that first conflict I shared with Naruto on the road. That time when I went Magical Sakura. And that bastard Tooru…

They were organized, backed by whoever sent killers after Tsunade-sama. And they had intel.

'How to fry a fishcake (Naruto) by…'

"Shinome Shizuka." I whisper aloud. A pretty woman in a kimono, with a distorted personality. That's what they said she was like.

The woman freezes, and looks at me coldly. The tiger's ready to pounce.

But I'm not just a normal little girl anymore.

I beat down a giant. I strapped an explosive to a chuunin level shinobi's head. I walk around… every day… with sticks of dynamite strapped to my waist.

I'm the not-so-proud disciple of the blitzing idiot. I'm David against Goliath. I'm Love and Justice. I'm Magical Sakura.

"Do you want to talk this out?" I inquire.

I hope she doesn't want that Ramen to lay some sort of juvenile trap for Naruto.

Even _he's_ not _that _stupid.

…

…

…Damnit, Naruto. Why can't I be sure that you aren't that stupid? Seriously.

"If you're really Shinome Shizuka …" I say, as I try to be all cool and demanding. "I'm going to need that Ramen after all."

I reach for my transformation pen…

...but it's not to be.

I didn't see it. Like with the illusionary Ramen. One moment, the world just… changed.

I'm standing there. She's standing there, in that stance as if she's going to jump on something.

And then I'm flying through shattered shop window. There's no in-between.

On instinct, I tuck and roll, as I tumble across the wide street. Somehow I end up in a crouch, blinking and looking around blearily for that woman.

She'd never answered me directly, but I could assume that she was Shizuka all right.

So she was part of that group… a leftover from the attack on our caravan.

And suddenly, the pain in my gut where she must have body charged me wakes me up.

This was the person on the other end of Naruto's conversation that time. This was the one he'd had trouble with.

My bravado crumbles easily. What David? What Magical Sakura?

I was dreaming and now I'm waking up. I'm out of my league.

Glass cracks and crinkles under her sandals as Shizuka steps through the shattered shop window.

Miraculously, her shopping basket remains undisturbed. The clerk seems content to run and hide for his life.

He does business in a hidden village after all.

I guess he knows the score.

She stands there, drawn up to her full height as she frowns down at me.

Legs shaking. Heart racing. Enemy parameters unclear.

Option 1: Escape.

Option 2: Fight.

Right now I don't have the skill to accomplish either. Wait.

Forget skill. Heart comes first. That's what sensei said. My pen…

"Magical… ngh!" I grunt in pain. My wrist is struck. My pen is dropped.

Shizuka just knocked it out of my hand… with the thick husk of some desert fruit.

She drops the basket, keeping only the cup noodles in her hands. This package, she nestles into the bosom of her kimono.

I dive for my pen, and I just manage to get it in my hands when I run out of time. She's across the street and before me. She's so damn fast.

I find my diving motion arrested. I'm thrown onto the window of the shop behind me. Probably a bodycheck again.

Then I'm pummeled. Elbow, palm, and knee strikes.

I'm not good at reinforcement. I'm not Naruto. These hits still hurt, and I'm going to run out of chakra.

I try to bring my hands up. They're knocked away. I don't know how. I don't know when. By the time I register it, it's already in the past.

Offense or defense, I have the time for neither.

Can't get away. Can't plan.

Escape… Escape…

Suddenly, a lesson from Naruto's school of 'being awesome' comes to mind.

When pinned against a wall… you break the wall.

Well this is glass. The important thing when breaking glass is not power, but precision and hardness.

I push myself forwards, into the assault, and slip my pen behind my back. I click it once, and when next I'm slammed into the glass, the glass gives way.

I tumble back through it. I'm physically outmatched. The only thing that could turn this around would be a jutsu. Kwamwari's too slow. Henge's meaningless right now. Bunshin…

I Bunshin mid-roll. When I come to stand up, my sisters stand beside me.

"I can hear you." Shizuka tells me as she steps through the broken window. "Your clones don't breathe. And they don't shake."

Shake…

I'm still shaking. I'm scared. I'm panicked. It's only my second real fight, and I can't deal with this.

I can survive right now, but I need to do more than that.

Calm down. Calm.

Transformation pen… I know it's nonsense, but it helps.

Something so ridiculous… it just helps. I believe in Magical Sakura more than I ever believed in Haruno Sakura.

Magical Sakura could do anything. She was Love and Justice.

But the punishment of cracking through storefront glass has jammed my pen. It won't click anymore.

I make three Bunshin dash at her as means of visual disturbance, two of which I plan to have split at right angles once past her, and I have one dash through the wall behind me.

And I pocket the pen as I try to get a kwamwari up in time.

* * *

It's a little known, and mostly useless fact, but the standard bunshin can travel through walls.

This is because in the end a bunshin's just an image.

But making it dash through something solid went against the nature of the bunshin. It would be found out instantly that way, and be rightfully written off as meaningless.

Most people wouldn't bother thinking about it.

But Sakura was smart.

She was annoying, and clingy, and when the mood struck her to start screaming Sasuke-kyuun she was more idiot than the idiot she called a friend.

But she was otherwise smart. And I had come to respect her practicality.

So when a bunshin comes dashing out of one brick wall and through another across the street, I take the startling, random thing for what it is. A call for help.

I'm Uchiha Sasuke, and I made a deal with a blond idiot that Team 7 would protect its own.

I take to the roofs. On a high leap, I note a few other Sakuras in the distance. Her pink hair and my sharp eyes make it manageable to sort the situation out.

They're fanning out in a plush shape, so at the epicenter...

I dash over there, and land in an abandoned street easily. People here... they're good at staying out of trouble.

Signs of struggle ahead. Right? No, left.

Sakura's tied up and hanging from the ceiling inside a sundry shop and it hurts my pride, somehow, to see her defeated like that.

It's then I find my target. A woman in a purple, cut short kimono turns to me.

"Sasuke-kun." Sakura mutters. "She's fast."

So am I.

And, I'm skilled.

And, I'm –

- Interrupted.

My advance towards Shizuka is interrupted. She's a blur, and I'm crashed through the broken store window that I entered through.

Damn.

Hand-spring. Guard up. And I'm just in time to catch a foot to the face, literally, with my left hand.

I'm pushed back a bit but I manage to keep my stance and trap her foot.

Power's ok.

She pulls an areal technique even with her foot caught and goes into a clean spiral heel blow towards my temple. I cross my left over my right and catch that too.

Skill's ok too.

The only problem is speed.

Gravity takes hold and she drops to the ground. When her hand makes contact with the ground she becomes a blur again and hand-springs away.

I can't keep hold of her. Her instantaneous movement is too high. That's how she's able to make those impressive starting dashes. Lack of power seems to come from her lack of reinforcement and her just being too light.

Is she holding back? Is all her chakra put into speed?

I focus, and feel the world slow down.

There, at the end of the fight with Tooru, I took an earth spike to the chest from behind.

To be honest I ran into it. I was a bit crazy at the time, and caught up in the moment, and I'd accepted it so that I could cleanly give Sakura a leg-up and keep her from harm.

Back then she'd been the ace in the hole.

But as I went into that near-suicidal slide, the raw adrenaline of it all had sparked something in me, and the world had slowed down.

My Sharingan awakened there, and I positioned myself to survive the attack for sure.

I dodged an earth spike from behind. It's not that I had eyes in the back of my head.

I have eyes that know where the spike is going to be even if I turn my back.

It's only one-tomoe right now, but that's one more tomoe than anyone else is going to have.

Shizuka comes at me again.

This time I see everything.

Speed's ok.

Left arm blocks the left attack. Right arm blocks the right attack.

A side kick forces me to lean back, and then the woman spins around into a stomp.

I can see it all, but it's not enough.

Correction. Speed's not okay.

Need distance. Try for Gokyaku and ranged techniques.

I roll to a stand, dodging her follow-up low kicks. This isn't good.

Pressure's on.

Block the left. Block the right. First kick. Second kick.

But there's nothing I can do for the ten hits that come after, so there's no point in being able to block the first four.

I can see it. I can interrupt it. But then my stance is off and I lose it all. In our end, the speed is too unequal. My defense is too desperate, and it cannot be sustained.

Damnit. What can I do about this.

After that humiliating defeat before…

I recovered, and grew, and trained.

Am I still going to have to suffer this bitterness again?

When will my ancestors… be able to rest easily…

Damnit. Damnit.

Forget defense. I won't be satisfied unless I inflict something before I'm destroyed.

Feint high with the left, feint low with the right, but the real attack is a knee to her midsection.

Biceps are damaged in her counter moves. Offensive and defensive options will pretty much disappear with my arms losing power. But I connect.

And, satisfyingly, her eyes go wide. She staggers back.

Did I inflict critical damage?

Heh, could it be that she has no defensive preparations?

Like I thought, all her chakra's into speed?

In that case, if I had landed a clean blow to her sternum…

But that wasn't a clean blow. I can tell. I saw it.

Strange.

She staggers and pulls at her kimono, looking into it.

Even more oddly, she reaches into it, and when she pulls her hand back… noodles?

"Ah…" she mutters. "Ah… The Ramen…"

What's going on?

She's shaking. She sounds weak. Disbelieving.

Critical damage… of a different sort?

"You're going… to pay for that."

…What, $1.39? Its cup noodles.

"You're going…" Shizuka crouches, and with a snap she's got a sheath in her hands. Through grit teeth she hisses out: "You're going to _pay_ for _that_."

A part of me is pleased to at last evoke such pain and anger in my opponent.

Another part of me is just confused.

Mostly, I'm just trying to come up with a new way to deal with this.

It's painful, but the reality is I can't manage. Of all the factors I could reach for, only one option stands out.

Sakura.

She's the type that needs time to plan, and think. She'd fought the enemy first, and had seen me tussle with her as well while being left restrained but otherwise peacefully alone.

She must have thought of _something _by now.

If I could _free her… _

Just that moment, as if on que, Sakura yells out: "I've got it!"

Sakura?

"You've turned sides!" Sakura declared. "You went shopping for the same reason as me! The Ramen's not for a trap, it's not for you, and it's not for nothing! You're in love with him!"

What the hell's she talking about. Has hanging by a rope upside down for so long messed with her head?

Shizuka falls on me, like some kind of feral beast. Her attacks are wild and uncoordinated.

She cannot temper her emotions.

But she's much faster now.

She had been _playing_ with me before. Swaths of sandstone buildings are carved out as her ninja-to flashes an eerie blue. I have to prioritize dodging that thing, so I'm forced to take pretty much everything else.

Arms are growing weary from being knocked aside. Can't defend properly.

Savagery's up.

Nose broken.

"We're his teammates!" Sakura yells.

Lower left rib's gone.

"I'm his student!"

Trying to defend with the knee.

"Sasuke-kun's his rival!"

Knee's broken.

"You CAN'T HURT US!"

Sakura bellowed the last.

And, like some kind of spell, the storm of blows stop.

"We surrender. Take us to your leader." Sakura demands.

… I think hanging upside down really is messing with her.

"Favorite food." Shizuka mutters darkly. I think she'll be upset if she can't kill me. "What's Master's favorite food?"

…'Master'?

Naruto, you idiot, what have you gotten yourself into now…

"Ramen!" Sakura quipps immediately, spinning slowly upside down. "Of course it's Ramen!"

In response, Shizuka buries her ninja-to beside my head and charges it with chakra. "Specify." She demands.

"Miso Ramen." Sakura answers seriously. "With extra pork, and three fishcakes. He usually asks people to add extra veggies too, but that's only because it's a tolerable way for him to get greens down. He doesn't really want it."

"Favorite game." Shizuka demands.

"Uh… well…" Sakura muttered. "Sand castles… no. Pranking people… isn't exactly a game in the traditional sense… Um… Oh, geez, we never got around to setting up security questions for this!"

Sakura ate with Naruto often enough. But she was a girl, with girl interests. They hung out more than they played anything.

Of course I wouldn't be caught dead playing with the idiot, but…

Games of chance are out. They'd be too easy for him. That rules out all card games, dice games, and tile games.

It could easily be something childish. Keeping up appearances were the least of his concerns.

Similarly there's no challenge to hopscotch or jump-rope.

Something to force him to be clever, because he had a natural disadvantage…

Something with loose enough a premise, that he could sink his teeth into it.

"Sakura," I begin, "what was his lowest grade?"

"Stealth." She answered. "He weighs more than he looks, so he's loud, and he tends to accidentally break his cover when asked to hide behind it for too long."

Perfect. Then…

"Hide and Seek." I answer.

Shizuka stares at me a long moment.

Am I right? Am I wrong?

My life hangs on the idiot's pastime preferences…

"You." She grabs me by my collar. "It's your fault the Ramen was damaged. It's your responsibility. You're going to explain it to him. And even then, _I_ won't forgive you." She says gravely. "You're the bad one."

I sigh.

Just what was I fighting for… "Whatever." I answer.

But… I lost.

Me and Sakura both…

… It's so bitter…

* * *

I sigh.

I'm Houou Naruto.

I know you want to call me Senju Naruto.

I'm not. It's Houou.

Senju originates from 'thousand hands'.

It's just what people decided to call our clan because they were good at lots of junk.

'Body of the sage' or whatever.

In reality we were, if you believed that sort of thing, descended from the sage of six paths. Our clan and the Uchiha branched off there, and nobody retained the sage's last name.

Maybe he didn't even have one.

But we called ourselves Houou, after the phoenix.

Because what's always been important to our clan, was not the ability to do a bunch of stuff, but the heart to pursue anything we wanted.

It was the heart to get up again and again. To not quit, like the fire of the phoenix that just won't stay extinguished.

I'm not a Houou by birth. But this is how I was raised and I've come to value it as well.

I've lived my whole life pursuing things, and believing that as long as I don't give up I can do it all.

If I can't, I can at least try. Cool people at least try.

Awesome people try again and again.

So I've been pressing on, and on, and on, and I've come quite far I think.

But, man… now I feel so tired…

I sigh.

Haku's tied up and behind bars. Not that there's much point to it. She's lost all will to even live, much less escape.

Zabuza was everything to her. He filled every gap in her life, through pure scarcity of other people in her life. Father, brother, love interest, best friend.

And in killing him, I killed them all.

Had to do it. Can't take it back. Wouldn't if I could.

He was a bad guy.

But I can't call it a victory.

I'm a medic-nin in training.

I don't win through death. It's how I lose.

I just wasn't strong enough to try taking him alive…

And of course there's the payback for using the Genesis technique.

Yeah, funny thing. It uses stored chakra through a god-level seal to force regeneration, borrowing against 'growth'. It's not really healing, it's 'regrowth' and it's never been used by anyone below 25, so we weren't really sure what would happen.

So now I'm suddenly 15, and puberty sucks.

Of course my clothes almost killed me when I suddenly outgrew them. Had to literally cut them free. I think Shizuka enjoyed that a bit too much.

Not looking forwards to explaining loss of the outfit to kaa-chan.

Borrowed Kenta's overcoat. Then surfed a bar rooftop back to shore, tripped over myself fifty-something times during the trek to Sunagakure, and borrowed a plain brown hakama from Shonen-san.

I'm big. I'm gangly. Shaving the odd fuzz is annoying and deodorant is uncomfortable. Shizuka's even more of a tempting, confusing mess to deal with.

And I cant. Touch. Anything.

I break it.

Body's changed. Chakra system's changed.

Grown.

Now everything's offset by 3 years, overnight, and I don't know how to handle it.

Even normal teenagers experience growing pains, bumping into things and tripping.

And they get to take the scenic route through it.

My precious control…

I couldn't do any good in Water Country even if I was in better condition. How can I treat patients when I'm as likely to break as mend?

How can I help to ship relief aid when I could snap that aid in half with one wrong move?

It's as if it's some curse from Zabuza, beyond the grave.

I killed him, and now I'm nothing but death and destruction.

I've had to have Shizuka be my hands a lot lately, which hasn't really helped in my efforts to get myself out of _that _mess.

Sigh…

At least the Shonen family's agreed to handle some emergency aid. They've gone off to make arrangements.

Still have to negotiate a replacement bar for Barkeep, and a boat for Kenta.

Poor barkeep… he loved that bar so much.

It was such a sturdy, grand old bar.

There is a soft, distinct knock at the door as I'm playing with the idea of hitting up the Fire Daimyo to see if he'd like to improve relations with Water Country by given them a helping hand.

It's Shizuka. She has a thousand-and-one little methods and quirks.

One of them is that she knocks quietly. If I don't answer her she'll stand outside and knock again in fifteen minutes.

"Come in!" I call.

She steps in, removing her gata slippers daintily and bowing.

Needs a new kimono. Another thing to go onto my list of things to do…

I do a double-take.

"Sakura? Sasuke?" They come in, Sakura supporting Sasuke's limp.

"Eh? N-Naruto?" Sakura cries. "You're… big! And… hot?"

"It's Sunagakure." I reply. "Everyone's hot."

"So not what I – I mean yes." She corrects, after glancing at Sasuke. "That's exactly what I meant."

"I'm glad you two are ok." I nod at them. "Or, alive at least. Sakura you look tousled up, and Sasuke you look like shit."

"Shut up." He responds.

"No, I mean it." I express worriedly. "I mean, you always looked like shit even on a good day, but now you look like shit… _and _you're beaten up. You're limping. You're all fucked up. You got your ass handed to you, to an embarrassing degree. Were you sparring with Sakura and she kicked your ass? Sakura, I told you to be careful when kicking people's asses. Nitroglycerin is strictly anti-siege."

"Wasn't me, sensei…" Sakura muttered. "Can you hurry up and heal him? And what's with the henge?"

It's good she isn't fawning over Sasuke's every injury anymore. Healing him is still at the front of her mind, but maybe the scrap she'd gotten into had given her some perspective.

"Not a henge. I really look like this now." I explain. "And on a related note, I can't heal him. Well, I could try, but in mending his broken nose I might grow three more in the wrong places. Or something."

"You can… do that?" Sakura asked in horror.

"Dunno." I shrug. "Never tried. Maybe I should? At the worst, he could look down his nose at people more efficiently. If we're lucky he might be able to, all on his own, start sniffing out when he's being full of shit."

Sasuke palms his face, seeming to ignore the fact that his nose is broken. "Somebody tell me why I followed this miserable idiot out here…"

"Because without my sunny personality around, you depressed yourself more than you could bear?" I hazard.

"Can you stop making fun, for like five seconds?" Sakura demanded.

"Sorry." I honestly apologize. "I didn't mean to. I'm actually in a pretty somber mood right now. It's just that making fun of this guy is pretty much instinct at this point."

Shizuka brightened. "I'm happy for you, Master."

Thanks Shizuka… I... think?

Actually, what…

"You got a toy back." She smiled.

Ah. There it is.

* * *

A/N: Almost sent Naruto to Water Country to overthrow the local corrupt government through several moving speeches and a handful of deception. Thought it would be a terribly original and grand thing to do. Wussed out because my BETA was repulsed by the very idea.

Almost had Naruto fight the endboss right after fighting Zabuza. Wussed out because I couldn't bear to end the story before milking the characters some more. I put so much effort into Magical Sakura and Shizuka and everything...

Wonder how many people expected me to age Naruto post-genesis for the hell of it. I bet most people didn't even think about it. I definitely got you this time you bastards. All you guys saying you foresaw the Haku and Shizuka things...

Review if you don't want me to cut this story short. I can totally do it, too, at any time. Because the required setup for the endboss is there - you just don't know it.

Just kidding.

No I'm not.

Yes I am.


	35. Chapter 35

A/N:Still alive. Like GLaDOS.

But regrettably less awesome. Until I find some way to write GLaDOS into this thing (Portal game reference).

* * *

Chapter 35

Sensor Alert

Shizuka walked back amongst Sunagakure's shopping district.

Ramen… where was the Ramen…

This cursed place seemed to be in a terrible Ramen drought, and it was quite vexing. She wanted to cheer up her master very much.

Perhaps a different angle…

_It isn't right for him to be sad, when he makes me so happy. I love him so much, and I'm so useless at so many things. I'm confident in my carnal arts, but my tea-ceremony skills are poor. My art is at the grade-school level. I can barely play the Shabisen. My dancing is nonexistent. I am helping him a lot more now, with little things, but I want him to cheer up quickly. I want to express how very happy I am every day, with all the little things he does to take care of me. _

_Like when we're walking, and he keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure I'm not lost. I love it. I really love it._

_It would all be so much easier if I could push him up against a wall and…_

_It might make him mad. I'd get told off… again._

_It would be a relief though, to ply my most formidable skills… like XXX or OOO. _Shizuka considered. _******-play would be perfect. Come to think of it, Master seems like the type that lets stress and worry build up, because he feels responsible for many things._

_I bet he could do with a good ******. It would be good for him, I think. _

_Oh. And his new body. Yes._

_He was complaining that it wasn't responding properly. _

_It has to be broken in. _

_…But where would I get rope strong enough to hold him down, much less elevate him upside-down helplessly in the shape of an inverse 'fire' katakana?_

Shizuka's derailed thought-train was pulled to a roaring stop as she felt a hand grab her shoulder and turn her around.

"Shizuka-san. So this is where you've reached. Now… I know that you were part of the caravan attack-force. Or rather, you…" Shizune narrowed her eyes, nose twitching as she proceeded to chide menacingly. "… you were having naughty otouto thoughts."

The entire intimidation was rather ineffective, Shizuka thought.

Shizuka knew Shizune as well as she knew the rest of Naruto's family. She knew them from across various pitifully one-sided battlefields.

Naruto's sister truly was a terrible force, this much Shizuka knew, but the onee-chan just didn't have that kind of face. The more she tried to imply potential suffering, the more she just seemed adorably out of place.

Still, Shizuka was rather unused to being sneaked up on, and so found herself oddly alarmed.

"But... you're not my otouto." Shizune continued. "You're not anyone's otouto. You're a girl. And you have no known family."

Shizune took two shuffling steps forwards, twitching her nose continuously. Shizuka backed up into a wall. "Why are you setting off my naughty otouto thought sensor?"

Presumably, Shizuka thought, the naughty otouto thought sensor reacted to both Shizune's otouto having naughty thoughts, and having naughty thoughts about Shizune's otouto.

Which Shizuka found rather insidious. She wasn't having perverted towards her Master! She was erotic at him, not perverted. Certainly not naughty. She didn't want pleasure from him, she wanted it for him. She was a professional.

She'd crossed the line? Nonsense. Couldn't be.

Shizune closed in with her kind of cute, frowny pout.

Shizuka frowned as well. "To be clear," she prepared to defend her 'good name' as a proper courtesan, as she drew herself up to present a maximum aura of refinement and lecturing intelligence, "it isn't real rape if the rapee retroactively consents during the debilitating fog of pleasure wrought after a substantial marathon of reluctant sex."

"Yes it is." Shizune corrected with a deadpan stare. "It's still rape."

"Are you very certian?" Shizuka challenged. "Is that your authentic, professional opinion? Can you say that with real conviction?"

"Totally." Shizune deadpanned. "100%"

"Tch." Shizuka sullenly snapped her fingers in the universal 'miss' gesture.

In response, Shizune pulled a kunai.

"It will not be as before." The courtesian warned in response. "There will be no sad, comical defeat for me today. I am no longer that woman. I was free then. Now I am bound."

"You…" Shizune muttered "…are a pervert. Stay away from my otoutou." And she charged.

* * *

Jiraiya was roof hopping, looking for his nephew. Being the Toad sage, this meant what he was doing was rather more impressive than regular roof hopping. It was graceful, and acrobatic, and he'd never be caught dead having it attached to his good name as a drunkard and a rogue. Luckily, the entire village had boarded themselves in their own homes at the news of his arrival, so there were no witnesses to be had. An odd, sad perk of being a war hero/terror in a few unfortunate border disputes during his youth.

But then, lemons and lemonade and all that.

But the point was that he was very good.

So it was with some alarm that he slipped on the domed surface of one Sunagakure roof and tumbled down the three story drop to land on his ass.

"Well." He said. "That was unusual." He had been struck by a sudden bout of… weakness. "It's almost as if…" He mused. "…somehow, somewhere nearby… there is some great and unusual opportunity for peeping that has unmanned me."

And so, the great man stood up and dusted himself off. He nodded. Yes, that must be it. It was his faithful, trusty, fun/perversion sensor acting up again. "Tally ho." He declared.

* * *

Tsunade was at a bar, busily hitting the well known information-centre for… well… information.

And free alcohol.

Appearently these people were terrified of her teammate, and they felt that throwing alcohol at her before boarding up the door would make them all safer.

Come to think of it, there was that one time Jiraiya had the unnecessarily large Gamaooki piss on an entire Suna trade city, before setting the giant magma-toad's flammable urine on fire.

They'd been at war and all, but even she'd been terrified of her teammate that day.

All the same. Free booze.

Life and lemons and lemonade, and all that.

And it was helping her stay calm because she'd been in this town all day and she couldn't damn well sense her own son.

Which meant he was:

A. Not here

B. Too low on chakra to even be sensed

_C. Hiding from her_

Which meant she was:

A. Pissed

_B. __Pissed_

_C. __F*cking pissed_

Where the _hell _was her Naru-chan?

But suddenly, halfway through threatening a bar patron with a half-full, sloshing jug of sake, she experienced a sudden and distinct ping in her awareness.

It wasn't a chakra-signature. It was more oblique than that. It was hazy and sinister, and so very damn _exasperating. _

Her pervert sensor was going off.

God damnit Jiraiya.

He was supposed to be looking for her son.

"Excuse me." She huffed, throwing the jug aside in annoyance. The man she'd been shaking down for information shook in terror.

Tsunade just stomped over to the boarded up door and ripped the whole thing off the wall. "I'm going to go beat the shit out of my perverted idiot teammate." Was her only explanation to the room.

Being met by the oddly uplifting cheers of the residents, Tsunade began to wonder why they didn't just f*cking live in sunagakure.

* * *

"…Oh." Shizune muttered when at last she was able to work her mouth into coherence. "That's what you meant." She said as she stared, reverse-gripped kunai still in hand. "You were free…" She muttered, looking to the tear of her opponent's kimono. She had slashed through silk and, apparently… bindings. "And now you are _bound._ I thought your build had become rather more agile. I guess having all that… free mass would have slowed you down all these years. "

"My chest _was_ bound." Shizuka said sourly. "Until you cut through my bindings. But that wasn't what I meant."

Shizune was struck with the odd notion of apologizing, right before a certain white-haired sage dropped four stories onto the scene.

"Halt!" He commanded, authoritatively, before striding over to an abandoned Taiyaki stand. He brushed aside the cutlery there in a clatter, perched upon the countertop, and reached around for a bag of confectionary delight. As he settled in for the show he gestured to the two combatants. "All right. Continue with the strip-fight."

Shizuka did a double-take, before grabbing the torn edges of her kimono and pulling them more tightly around her now unsupported bust as she glared venomously at the voyeur. "I'm exclusive." She declared. "Business is closed. Forever."

"That's okay." Jiraiya nodded. "I'll just sit here and watch."

"Jiraiya-sama!" Shizune exclaimed in exhasperation. "This is Shinonome Shizuka! She's been trying to kill Naruto-kun since he was six! She's violent, unreasonable, rather insane, and relishing of her insanity! She's a bad-guy!"

"She may be evil!" Jiraiya loudly admitted, brandishing a Taiyaki. He then shook his head side-to-side slowly, a display of his somber denial of Shizune's logic. And so he said, in a philosopher's tone: "But her breasts… have committed no sin."

"Wha…" Shizune started. "Buh…"

"Idiot!"

Crash. Bam. Kablooey.

Enter Tsunade, amidst destroyed wood and Taiyaki explosions of pure force. Jiraiya rolled to the side, barely in time, and as such kept his head attached for another fruitful day of peeping.

"Jiraiya. What do you think you're doing?" Tsunade asked rhetorically. "Are you perving out when you should be – hey!" She exclaimed. "That's Shizuka. You're Shizuka!" She accused, pointing. "You're that bitch that's been ineffectually trying to kill my son for six years! I heard you teamed up with some missing-nin, and got your shit together. I heard that you've been causing trouble." Tsuande menacingly advanced on the afore-mentioned woman. "I guess you stopped being funny."

Tsunade's close range jab was respectably crisp in delivery, but Shizuka was faster. She swerved to the side easily, and yet the emanation of shockwave-force that was her master's trademark caught her and threw her bodily into a wall.

Tsunade, having expected this, dug her feet into the pavement and launched off with one single, powerful lunge that tore up dried earth and sent her hurtling at her reeling target.

She, in turn, found herself tackled desperately into a full-nelson. "Tsunade, wait!" Jiraiya cried.

"I've got no time for your shit, Jiraiya!" Tsunade growled, preparing to flex her superior might. Had it been almost anyone else, she wouldn't have even noticed the assault in her current state. "Naru-chan's still lost and my buzz is _wearing off_." She warned. "Shit's going to get real."

"Tsunade. I'm sorry." Jiraiya apologized seriously. "But this big-breasted kimono-clad woman is obviously fighting your apprentice in some form of god-given, impromptu, middle-of-the-street strip-fight, proving once and forever that miracles really do happen, and that damn-well trumps any kind of logic you might attempt to throw my way. I'm sure that Naruto, who I'm also sure is fine, would agree with me if he were here – loving and dutiful godson that he is."

There was an ominous, creaking sound of metal twisting and snapping as Tsunade worked her hand around a stool that had accompanied the unfortunately destroyed Taiyaki stand. Jiraiya, who couldn't see this from his position very well, asked: "Tsunade? What's that?"

"My old, unfortunate aquantance," Tsunade answered, "that's the sound of shit getting real."

* * *

x-with Naruto-x

There he was, sitting in his pillow and directing Sakura through some rudimentary first aid. She had quite a talent, actually. Her mind moved faster than her hands, and her hands had a good dexterity to them. If she had the disposition, she might make a great healer of herself one day.

But she was not that, Naruto knew. She was a fighter _and_ a lover. She was a spitfire wrapped up in pink and fluff. Medicine wouldn't do her any damn good. She needed to burn that fluff to cinders just so that she could see she could.

But she was good at medicine.

And Sasuke was good at pretending not to experience pain.

"So…" the Uchiha said with only a slight pause, from his position laid out upon the carpet, "what the hell have you been doing anyways, you idiot?"

"The usual, you jealous emo." Naruto answered aloofly. "Kicking ass, taking names, saving the world."

"Picking up psychotic servant-girls?" Sasuke answered.

"Hey." Naruto snapped. "No one ever said saving the world was easy. There are terrible costs that must be paid."

"Bullshit on saving the world, bullshit on paying costs, and bullshit on you kicking any kind of ass. You probably just did something stupid." Sasuke declared with a nasal inflection.

"How _did _you wind up with that woman, Naruto?" Sakura asked, even as she finished setting Sasuke's nose. "We'd heard that she was an enemy."

"Funny thing. She seems to think that she's a servant, that I deserve a servant, that I need a servant, that she loves me, and that I love her back."

Sakura blinked. "Well… is it true?"

"Is what true?"

Sakura gestured vaguely, attempting to encompass her wide breadth of confusion. "All… that."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "No, I will be the first to admit that I am awesome but no, no, god I hope not, and not in any non-platonic way."

"Hmmmm." Sakura seemed thoughtful for some moments. "Nope. It still sounds like bullshit." It just didn't add up. If it didn't make sense, then it must be love. And if it made sense for a person to submit to servitude, then it must be duty. Or also love. It couldn't just be nothing.

Sasuke had the oddest, welling emotion. It was kind of like pride, except not about himself or his clan. It was like he was proud of Sakura.

He almost said 'that's my girl.'

But it was completely out of place, and he expected it was just a floating rib, so he ignored it.

This was when Naruto, quite out of the blue, jolted in place, cracking his low table in half.

"Aw, crap." Naruto muttered. "There goes another one. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a low table in this country, which you can sit at from a nice fluffy cushion on the floor? They all like that raised table stuff over here."

"Well what was that about?" Sakura asked. "It was like someone put ice down your shirt."

"No, well, it's my…" Naruto trailed off. "Don't laugh, but it's my… pervert sensor. It alarmed on me."

"What." Sakura deadpanned.

"My pervert sensor." Naruto repeated. "Houou family technique. I heard nee-chan has some weird variant. Kaa-chan discovered it, after years and years on the same team with Ero-Uncle, as a deviation of the human instinct to survive and get pissed off. It has since been mastered to a terrible pervert-destroying degree."

"Oh, I actually understand that." Sakura admitted. "I've _met_ your uncle. When he met he tried to guess my three sizes. And then he had the nerve to tell me to call him in five years if I 'grew breasts'."

That was before Tsunade had almost kicked said balls out of the picture forever.

Jerk.

"Yeah, he does that on reflex. He has a theory that one day it will work. So you can see why I just ignore my pervert sensor at this point." Naruto said with a shrug. "Between Ero-Uncle, then you, and now Shizuka, it's just always going off."

"Hey." Sakura warned.

"But this was something heavy." Naruto muttered. "Something ancient and potent. Something matched in its single-minded intensity, only by its incredible lack of any kind of self-preservation instinct."

The young adolescent 'hmm'ed and 'haaa'ed for a bit. "Pretty much gotta be my uncle." He deduced after a time. "I'm going to go out." He proclaimed.

So saying, Naruto stood up, walked over to the door, and crushed the door handle completely.

Then he sighed dejectedly.

"Sakura-chan… could you…"

"Yeah." She agreed gingerly, going over and turning what was left of the broken handle. "No problem."

She tried not to express too much pity, or amusement, for his sake.

Naruto stepped out the open door, and prepared to rooftop.

It was after Naruto went crashing into the second story of a neighboring house like a bullet that Sasuke felt himself cracking a smile. "It's the little things in life," he surmised, "that makes the pain and humiliation all worth it. Little things like the pain and humiliation of my enemies."

And the sigh that drifted in from where Naruto was beginning to work himself out of rubble was like a soothing balm to Sasuke's floating rib.

* * *

It was a scene of mostly-pointless destruction. So largely-pointless was this destruction that the inhabitants of Sunagakure, who had long since become accustomed to demonic bloodlust-quenching destruction, began to feel nostalgic for the good old days when massive city renovation held some form of twisted meaning.

Still, no one lodged a complaint, as they were all huddled in their safe-rooms. For whatever good that did.

"By the way, Tsunade," Jiraiya began as he bobbed and weaved through house-crushing fists of destruction, "can I borrow a camera, or possibly a tape recorder so that I may better record this momentous occasion? I know you always pack a spare."

"Yeah. Sure. Old friend. Old pal. Old comrade. Stand still and _take it like the bitch you are!"_

Boom. Crash. Kablooey.

Shizune faltered in her stare-down with Shizuka, distracted with glances to the left. "Erm..." She muttered. "They're not always like this…"

Why was she apologizing to the enemy?

Shizuka returned a flat look. She knew better.

"An-Anyways… right." Shizune cleared her throat. The mood was just all weird now. It was even hard to remember what she was fighting for to begin with. Oh. That's right. "Shizuka Shinanome, you are a pervert and a… a… bad person!" She declared hotly. "So… stop it! And don't you do anything deviant with my otoutou!"

Shizune wasn't very good at these kinds of confrontations, actually. When she wasn't being a cold, emotionless, ninja-killing ninja, she largely didn't have to get angry over anything that couldn't be resolved with a lecture to her brother or incessant wheedling to her shisho. When she _was _being a cold, emotionless, ninja-killing ninja she didn't even talk to anyone, much less get into arguments.

"No. Good and evil are not for you to decide." Shizuka, one arm still pinching her damaged kimono neckline, declared this proudly.

Then, she looked left. "They are…" Then, right. "They're for…"

Shizuka… did not have a pervert _or _a perverted fun sense.

Nor did she have chakra sense.

She just had good hearing.

"…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH SHI – !"

Boom. Crash. Ka-groaning.

As the dust settled, a figure of brown was seen sticking out of the ground. Mr. Shojou's excellent quality, borrowed pants, along with the rest of Naruto's lower half. "Ow." Came a muffled groan from the direction of the excellently clad lower half. "What the hell was that? I can't even leap now? The toads are going to kill me. With teasing. Toad summoner can't leap without eating cloud and dirt." He muttered darkly as he attempted to work himself out of Sunagakure's crusted earth. "Gamakichi'll have a field day."

"Ero-sennin?" He called, as he pulled himself free. "Are you there?"

"Here, Master, stand still." Shizuka offered, producing a handkerchief from some mysterious place and wiping the dust from his eyes and face. "Oh. You've ruffled your Hakama." She tsked. "I'll fix it."

"Naru…" Tsunade's brow furrowed. "…chan? No. Your chakra's wrong. Similar, but… and you're too old. And I don't sense a henge… I think. Not a normal one. I didn't teach Naru-chan my Genesis-Henge." Tsunade frowned. "Unless he's been peeking at my scrolls again."

"Naruto-kun?" Shizune asked.

"That was an awesome leap, and a comically amazing landing." Jiraiya stepped forwards. "Kid? That you? Got any… proof of ID?"

On reflex, Naruto snapped his hand out into the traditional family 'proof of ID' finger flick pose, but faltered. "No." He groused. "I can't."

It might do nothing. It might blow a hole in his godfather's head.

Ero-Sennin was supposedly awesome but he'd never seen the proof. He couldn't.

"I… don't… have proof of ID." Naruto said, in realization. "Not in any way."

All the power, control, and medical techniques he'd devoted his life to were rendered either lost or inoperable. He'd lost everything that made him himself.

"I have no proof of ID." He repeated to himself.

"Master, am I evil?" Shizuka Interrupted. "Am I a pervert?"

Naruto snapped to her, at the abrupt and unusual question. He found she seemed sincere in her query. It had nothing to do with the situation at hand… but he had no idea what would help with the situation at hand. So instead he said: "No, you're not evil Shizuka. And not a pervert… You're just confused. You've been confused for a long, long time."

"Oh… my son!" Tsunade cried, enveloping Naruto in a bear-hug that would have crushed lesser offspring. "There you are! Aha! Ahahaha! You damn brat!" Sniffle. "Damn… inconsiderate… brat! I was… I thought maybe… Oh, I'm just going to **noogie you so damn much!**"

"Wait," Naruto said in a panic, "what?"

In moments, Naruto found himself in a familiar necklock.

"I'm happy you're okay!" Tsunade cried, ignoring a few stray happy tears as she collided her fist with her son's head in a terrible grind. "You little brat!"

"Ow! Holy crap, Kaa-chan!"

"Otoutou!" Shizune exclaimed, coming over quickly, and embracing her adopted brother's now unoccupied midsection in a slightly awkward, bent hug, to accommodate his ongoing noogie. "You had us all worried!"

"It's good enough for me too." Jiraiya said with a smile, as he regarded his stepson from before, arms crossed. "That line was just too you." Jiraiya shook his head indulgently. "You've got a big heart, and I understand that you've always had a _particular_ soft spot for that _particular_ pair of breasts. I must say, my boy, I must applaud your inclination. Quite a connoisseur's choice, that."

"Oy." Naruto ground out through teeth clenched in pain.

"What happened to you, huh?" Tsunade asked happily. "Your chakra has been modified to a strange degree."

Before Naruto could muster the air to reply through his neck-hold, however, Tsunade took note of something not upon her child's boogied forehead. "Naru-chan… your mark." She whispered. "It's gone."

Shizune gasped. It was true.

"Naru-chan… what have you done?" But of course… she _knew _what he'd done. The pieces fell into place. It was no transformation technique her son had used, save for the most fundamental of all. Growing up.

He'd fukcing gone and grown up without her.

Naruto winced, before sighing. "I may have… possibly gotten into a bar fight with an ill Momochi Zabuza and his vaguely-gendered apprentice. And… I might have gotten in too deep and needed to burn my entire Genesis reserve. And I might have grown three years." He admitted reluctantly. "Or something."

Naruto waited, and waited, and when no terrible motherly wrath was forecoming he finally attempted to crane his neck up. What he saw, was his mother looking down upon him with an expression he had honestly not expected.

He'd prefer the wrath.

"Well…" He muttered, searching for the right words. The perfect words to fix it all. He didn't find them. "...It just sort of happened."

"Just sort of… You 'just sort of' fought a Seven Swordsman?" Tsunade growled.

Naruto let out a breath, knowing he was about to get the shit kicked out of him in righteous fury.

Still better than seeing her afraid.

"In a _bar?_" She demanded, jostling his head forcefully in her necklock. "In the middle of an _ocean?_ How does that 'just happen?' _No fight _in _any bar _just _happens. _Ever. Under any circumstance. Believe me, **_I'd know_.** Someone's always looking for a fight, and someone else always _takes them up_. Young man, did you – did you _take Momochi Zabuza _up on a b_ar fight?_ You're not allowed to do that!" Tsunade exclaimed. "Special Jonin and below! That's what I said! And no bars! I was very clear!" She said in motherly outrage. "You can't just… just _run off_, and – and get yourself almost killed, and – and go _growing up _randomly! You can't! I won't allow it! **Fuck that!**" She swore in outrage. "**Fuck that with a tetanus-laden can opener!**"

Naruto bristled. "Hey! It wasn't like that. The… you-know-what… needed help. I ran into Zabuza above it's nest. I… couldn't let him just go!" Naruto explained. "I had to. It was the right thing to do."

"You didn't _have _to do anything." Tsunade frowned. " You're a _healer. _You're a _kid_. You – You leave that stuff to the adults!"

"They were all busy!" Naruto protested with fire. He was sorry for worrying her. She worried too much. But he wasn't sorry for what he did. "Everyone was busy! There was just me."

"Then you _wait _for me!" Tsunade growled.

"I didn't have the time." Naruto defended. "There wasn't any time."

"Like hell…" Tsunade ground out. "What're you going off playing Hero for? You think I taught you to fight so you could go get yourself in over your head – so that you could die and you could leave me, too? I didn't teach you shit like that!"

"You did." Naruto answered. "You taught me to be a Hero."

On this scandalous, unforgivable accusation, Tsunade released her son for the briefest of moments, just so that she may pull him up by his collar and stare him in the eyes directly. "I _never_ would. Heroes die. _All the best men die._ I taught you to defend yourself and yours. I taught you to stay alive. I taught you to be a _healer._"

Naruto normally wouldn't wilt under his mother's unyielding glare, but here he looked aside first. He did not want to say what he would say next, for he could feel that it may hurt her in some meaningful way, but it was the truth. It was what drove him. In this whole mess, it was what drove him. And it was why he would not take it back if he could. "You taught me that healers were Heroes too." He whispered at last. "You taught me that when I was three."

"I… did. But that…" Tsunade muttered, letting go of Naruto, and backing away as if suddenly afraid at what he had said. "I didn't mean it. I was just… trying to get you into it. I wanted you to inherit my skills."

"But I never forgot it." Naruto explained patiently. "And you and nee-chan never, ever did anything to disprove it. My patient needed me. I couldn't just run away. You'd have _never _run away."

Tsunade collapsed to sitting on the empty, crusted dirt road with a 'whumph', her strength leaving her.

Her feet lay sprawled before her, her hands dangled listlessly. And she thought about what she'd made her son into. "You shouldn't do that." She said finally. "That kind of life never got anyone anywhere. All the men I love are dead, and my own life has been a train wreck I wouldn't bear to live twice. Don't do what we do." She said seriously. "Be greedy and you can be wealthy. Be cowardly and you can be safe. Be happy and well, and let the world go fuck itself." She looked up at her son. "That's all I ever wanted for you."

Naruto knew that really _was _all his mother ever wanted, and he ran a hand through his tousled up hair awkwardly. "Mom. I was fucking well raised better than that."

"Well-!" Tsunade started, before the fire snuffed out of her. "Well… shit." And she couldn't help herself. She had to smile, though it hurt her as well. "Oh… come here you idiot. Give me a hug before I get my senses back and beat the adorable out of you."

When she got over being happy he'd made it back to her alive, she was going dangle this brat over an evil pit of boiling ramen. For the irony. And then she was going to treat him like more of a kid than she'd treated him when he was twelve.

He'd better have photographs for her.

* * *

A/N: Stupid fanfiction dot net and it's stupid document manager. It doesn't lke bullet points or a, b,c lists. Or anything. It took me ten goes at the save button to get it to stick... for now. Is it fun? Stifling my creativity? Does that bring you enjoyment, you stupid manager of documents?

I heard they took down all the even slightly pervy stories or something, too. Bullshit! It's still literature! I hate YAOI as much as the next person that hates YAOI, but you don't see me calling for the erradication of it. It still deserves to exist for the people that do love it.

Shit. Why can't I make this story move faster? Shit. Every other story is easy. Well, except for Vacation. But that's because Vacation isn't a story that's meant to move very fast. Tsunade's Heir is just...

The characters here are just too much... muchful... or something. Pushy limelight hogging bastards, all of them.


	36. Chapter 36

AN: Congratulations on surviving 2012! Good job everyone.

**I made a website**. It may be accessed from my profile page, because links are not allowed in chapter text.

I shall put cookies and cake there when I make the time for it.

Rather, it's the new home for the Review a Song Campaign.

I'll make it clear, but the Campaign might seem like bribery but it's rather more symbolic to me. Receiving some kind of special effort from my readers. Giving something to my BETA. It's meaningful and deep.

* * *

Chapter 36

Kimono Monagatari

It was a bright and sunny morning in the streets of Sunagakure.

Of course, this was not saying much, as such clement weather was rather expected by the residents here, and counted more as a bane than any form of boon, really.

But all the same, it was clear and hot as the Houou gang made their way down the streets.

As usual, the street was relatively deserted. People seemed to favor staying inside in this village. Whether it was out of fear of the sun, the cold, or a demon, Naruto couldn't say.

Small sand banks rested to the corners of the buildings as the ever-present wind of sunagakure swept it all to one side.

"Master, what are your plans?" Shizuka asked, suddenly, from behind him.

"We've got to replace everyone's clothes." Naruto explained. "I told you earlier."

And, as just over half of his travelling group proved to be of the female persuasion – a most regrettable ratio for shopping by his uncle's estimation – Naruto expected that hitting up the seamstress's might prove to get them to stop subtly try to kill each other in subtle ways.

Naruto snapped around, thrusting his hand out towards Shizune.

The courtesan barely blinked as Naruto's uncontrolled force blew away a flying senbon with more wind pressure than anything else. "Nee-chan." Naruto sighed. "Come on."

Shizune averted her eyes. "It's just a sedative," she explained, "to prevent potential risk before treatment of her… delicate condition." Of insanity, was left unsaid.

"If its potential risk," Naruto sighed, "there's plenty over there." He said, grabbing his uncle's reaching hand and fixing him with an exasperated look. "Uncle." Naruto sighed. "Stop trying to grope the misguided criminal under my care."

"I keep forgetting that your reach has changed." Jiraiya said, in place of any kind of apology.

"If it's that risk, Otoutou, of course I have been trying." Shizune said, sounding offended.

"It's true." Jiraiya supported, raising his other hand and displaying the handful of senbon grasped between his fingers. "She really has."

"He's a work in progress." Shizune admitted.

Naruto sighed, releasing his uncle's hand and giving the man a stern look. Stubbornly, he resumed walking towards his destination.

Why, exactly, had he thought life would be easier once his family had caught up with him?

"So this is the secret to your power." Sasuke interrupted, suddenly.

"…_What?_" Naruto asked, voice strained, desperately not wanting his teammate to say something sigh-inducing.

"By way of family dynamic, every day is a constant preparation of random conflict and surprising anti-logic based ambushes." Sasuke said with some respect.

Naruto wasn't sure if he should sigh or be happy that someone understood it. In the end he cried a little inside.

"Master? Your plans?" Shizuka interrupted.

"Shopping." Naruto snapped.

"And after?"

"Buy a bar and a boat. Mail them to Barkeep and Kenta."

Shizuka blinked twice, neatly overlooking the economic and logistic problems with what he had just said. "And after?" She asked, boldly, once more.

Naruto frowned, stopping once more and turning to face her.

"Your teammates said that the Chuunin Exams are arriving. At the same time, you've expressed concern about Water Country's ability to recover from the supernatural storm that you've just recently put an end to. Where shall we go?"

Frown still firmly in place; Naruto stuck his hands in his pockets. "Everyone tells me to go home and think about myself. That I've done enough. To leave it to the government, even though Water Country's government really couldn't care less about what happens beyond the high walls of the capital. Or to leave it to the Shonen clan. But… it hurts to ditch part-way, doesn't it? Right, Shizuka? We've already come so far."

In response, Shizuka bowed once slowly. The meaning of this gesture was entirely mystifying to Naruto himself. "I must agree with them, Master."

"Because I'm a kid?" Naruto snapped. "And since when did you start disagreeing with me?" He asked. "Are you disagreeing with me?"

Shizuka bowed once more, even lower, for whatever reason. "I offer advice, Master." She replied shakily. "Courtesans do that."

It's true. They did. What a bothersome job description. How was he supposed to mark her progress towards independence, then?

"Why?" Naruto asked. "It's not even necessarily dangerous." He objected. "And wouldn't the Chuunin Exams be dangerous enough, anyway? I don`t see why I should have to stop here, when I am so ready to go forwards, and really have nothing to do that would be any more helpful to people in general. I know that people are saying that I am getting carried away in this." Naruto offered. "But why shouldn't I get carried away, if it's what I truly feel like doing? And I really have to wonder if there's anything you can say to convince me otherwise."

Shizuka looked up into her master's eyes. "Of course, Master. I am far too ignorant of the things which you are talking about. Only… sometimes, we have to let things go."

Naruto's family stared at him, expectantly. Naruto, in turn, stared at his faux-Courtesan. He found… that he had little to say in response. "That's a bitter pill to swallow." He observed, wryly, at last.

"Would you like a placebo, Master?" Shizuka asked, producing and offering an old pill bottle upon outstretched palms. "I have some left."

Naruto snorted in private amusement. He had even _less _to say to _that. _So instead he turned to his left and said. "That place will do. I got a nice kimono for a friend here before. Let's go in."

* * *

The girls were observing the different fabrics the store had to offer, side by side, in an age-old fashion of clothes shopping.

"Kimono's huh…" Sakura sighed. "I don't really know what to do with these kind of fancy things." She admitted bashfully. "I mostly try for trendy, casual clothes. Things I could wear to school. Mom always helped me with kimonos. Sorry." She apologized.

"That's all right." Shizuka acknowledged. "I'm sorry for attacking you, tying you up, and breaking your boyfriend's nose and other parts."

Sakura blinked twice. "Oh no." She blushed. "He's not my boyfriend. What are you saying!" She hit Shizuka playfully. "Do we look like a couple? Kyaaa~!"

"It was obvious you had feelings for him." Shizuka replied. "And because you so enjoyed his cold attitude towards you, I simply assumed you were engaging in `neglect play`."

"Eh? What's that? And _am I _engaging in it?" Sakura asked eagerly.

Shizuka blinked owlishly. "Wouldn't you know?"

"It's hard to tell with Sasuke-kun." Sakura admitted.

"Two stalker girls talking about love." Tsunade observed from the side. "The world might implode at any moment."

"Hey!" Sakura objected. "Who said I was a stalker? Shizuka's not a stalker either, right Shizuka?"

"I stalk." Shizuka nodded shamelessly. "But I have permission."

"Wha – really?" Sakura asked. "How did you pull that off? Can I call you 'sensei?'"

"It's quite an elementary matter of my Master getting bored with telling me to stop."

"So bold!"

"That's right, you!" Tsunade declared, pointing at Shizuka. "You've been sticking to my son like white on rice. Now that I've _finally _got you alone, it's time for you to answer some questions for me. The manner in which you choose to answer these _particular _questions will determine, _unequivocally, _your continued existence as either a solid object, a liquid object, or vapor."

"That's… that's kind of an amazing threat." Sakura observed. "But considering the human body isn't just one state of matter, wouldn't all three options kill her?"

"No comment." Tsunade replied.

"I submit to Tsunade-sama's questioning." Shizuka offered with a bow.

"Question 1…" Tsunade declared, menacingly. "Do you… have any documentation for me?"

"Yes, of course, Tsunade-sama." Shizuka affirmed, producing form her tattered kimono a small photo album and offering it with a bow and upon outstretched palms.

"Very well!" Tsunade declared magnanimously, as she greedily reached for the album. "You may stay." She waved.

"Just like that!" Sakura gasped.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune protested.

"Rather," Sakura continued, "what happened to question #2 or#3? And aren't you worried at all?"

"If its risk, then she's not even on my scale. And believe me, there are plenty of ways to mitigate. And I'm not a bleeding heart like my son." Tsunade explained. "I stopped trying to save everyone when I was sixteen. If it pleases this girl to delude herself out of having a personal choice, well then, that's her personal choice. Since it seems that little boy retains his chastity, all I want to say is that she'd better be taking pictures, invite me to the wedding, and if she breaks my son's heart I'll break her bicuspid. And work my way down from there."

"Tsunade-sama," Shizuka said. "I would rather die."

"Good girl."

"All right." Shizune clapped her hands once to get people's attention. "Let's focus on what we came here for. Naruto-kun`s not exactly famous for being patient in any store that involves fabrics."

Sakura held up her hand a little bit. "Not that I mind in particular, but weren't you trying to anesthetize Shizuka a while ago? Why am I the only one doing T_sukkomi_?"

"Yes I was." Shizune admitted with a smile. "But at the time I didn't know that she loved my Otoutou so much."

"Oh, thank you." Shizuka took that as a compliment.

"Oh, that's right." Tsunade said. "I forgot how much of a closet romantic you were, Shizune."

* * *

"Can't save the world, kid." Jiraiya said. "I would know."

Naruto *tsk*ed. "Does that mean I just give up?"

"No." Jiraiya shrugged. "Not if it so pleases you to roar in the face of futility. But you can take a break, to keep yourself from breaking down. Some time off here and there. Some peeping. Writing some erotic literature. Trying to grab women's boobs." Jiraiya offered diplomatically. "The world will still need saving when you're done."

Naruto snapped on reflex. "It's hard to take your wisdom seriously when you insist on persistently contaminating it like that."

"Contamination is how you know that I'm an adult, kid."

"I know you're an adult because I've seen your birth certificate myself. " Naruto corrected. "There are absolutely no other indicators, and frankly, I wonder if you forged that thing."

"Say what you will, but the fact remains, it's better to listen to women at times like this." Jiraiya said.

Naruto crossed his arms and made and offered a noncommittal grunt.

"There's nothing for it." Jiraiya said. "Now's not the time to go on about 'your way' or 'your heart'. You just killed a man."

"I've killed people before." Naruto admitted.

"Not on purpose." Jiraiya replied. "One way or another, you'll be messed up for the foreseeable future. If you admit it, then that's good. If you don't, you're in denial. It's that kind of thing."

"That doesn't seem fair." Naruto objected.

"But you are." Jiraiya responded. "You are because you have to be. You have to be, because it's you."

"…I just feel… restless." Naruto admitted after a while. "And stupid. And…" he narrowed his eyes. "…insufficient."

Jiraiya placed a comforting hand on Naruto's shoulder. "… That sucks, man. Want a beer and a scantily clad, exotic dancer? We can go half-half."

"Like I said, can you stop contaminating everything?" Naruto objected. "Are you a virus? Damn… You even want to go half-half at a time like this. Half-Uncle."

Jiraiya looked unimaginably wounded at this statement.

Naruto looked off to the side, tapping his foot impatiently. "What's taking those girls so long?"

* * *

"I think a dark colour would accent your hair best." Sakura commented. "Purple was a good choice before. I don't see why you should change it now."

"If you're really trying to appeal to the brat, then it's easy." Tsunade declared. "Obnoxious Orange, with a splattering of puke-green in the shape of amphibian wildlife. There's nothing else for it."

"To begin with, we should think about the budget, shouldn't we?" Shizune, ever the practical one, commented. "Naruto-kun's trying to pay for this out of his pocket, isn't he? I think that there are some excellent pieces in the used section in the next isle. It's practically half-price."

"My kimono is my second skin." Shizuka explained. "And so it must be new," she continued, "because I am already so very second-hand."

Sakura blanched.

"And white would be best." Shizuka continued. "It is a pure colour. Underneath and inside, I am all worn out. Stained with a stench that no longer belongs to any one man, but represents some aged blend of the countless people who used me, with my permission, who weren't my Master." Shizuka recounted evenly. "And when I reach for my Master, he has always pulled away, and so I must wonder… if I have simply devalued myself as a woman in his eyes too greatly. So, let me have a second skin…" She mused, holding a white silk fabric to her chest and breathing in the clean scent. "One that is pure and clean for him, and has never ever betrayed him."

"Er…" Sakura sensed that a landmine had just exploded, scattering normal conversation to the four corners of the universe. "Um… Y-You know, those things don't matter so much, these days. I'm… I'm sure Naruto would agree with me. Past history… you know. It's like that, or something. Past history is in the past. It doesn't matter." She argued.

"And yet, if we were to step one isle over," Shizuka refuted in patient serenity, "we would get half off on it."

There was no good response for that.

* * *

The girls approached the boys after an hour or so of waiting.

"Hey kid," Tsunade addressed. "You done?"

"Man, I was done five minutes after I entered here." Naruto explained. "If I have to listen to anymore of this elevator music I'm liable to flip out and blow something up. Did you finally pick out the _one_ kinmono between the three of you?"

"Hush, you." Tsunade chastised. "We came to drag you over to the changing room, so that Shizuka can model something for you."

"So in other words, you haven't really decided anything yet." Naruto deadpanned. "By the way, I was overcome with so much mind-numbingly extra time that found something myself."

Shizuka perked up. "You did, Master?"

"Yes." Naruto nodded. "The blue one in that pile there is just right. It suits you."

"This?" She asked, holding the material up. "It's…" She muttered quietly. "It's… second hand. This is the bargain bin pile."

Sakura flinched. Landmine! Landmine!

She gesticulated fiercely to Naruto from behind Shizuka's back.

"Well," Naruto said uneasily, glancing at Sakura's nonsensical arm waving. Did she forget that they had team-specific signals? It must be something that could not be conveyed using mission terminology. "I just think it's perfect." He said finally. "That's all there is to it."

"Used… I see, Master. I…see." Shizuka answered shakily. "I… see."

Sakura glared at Naruto. "Go pay for the one we picked out." She hissed. "The clerk will know what you're talking about."

"O…kay." Naruto said in confusion. "Weren't you going to –"

"Just go, you idiot!" Sakura exclaimed.

Naruto scrambled to not get beamed in the head with an unlit stick of dynamite, running off towards the cash register, every bit as confused as before.

"Go on." Sakura said gently to Shizuka. "Go change. You can walk out of here in your new kimono. Naruto's just an idiot. I guarantee it."

"I verify that claim." Sasuke seconded from the ceiling, having dived up there and behind a rotating fan on instinctual reaction to Sakura being involved with anything with a fuse.

"Seconded." Jiraiya nodded.

"Thirded." Tsunade shrugged.

"He's just misunderstood." Shizune explained, while rubbing the back of her head awkwardly.

* * *

Naruto, having paid very carefully so as not to crush his toad wallet by accident, was surrounded at the cashier by: an irate Sakura, a chastising Shizune, and an amused Tsunade.

Not the best combination.

"Read the mood, you idiot. The mood!" Sakura demanded.

"I have no idea what I did." Naruto explained. "But I'm pretty sure it's not my fault that I did it." He said stubbornly. "And if it was, then I had a very profound reason that you wouldn't be able to comprehend anyway."

"Oh shut up." Sakura snapped. "What's with this thing anyway?" She said, holding up the offending blue kimono in the process. "How can you say it suits her?" She accused. "She never tried it on, and it doesn't match her eyes or hair, or accent her elegant style, or anything! You were just being cheap!"

"It definitely suits her perfectly." Naruto defended. "And I never said anything about her hair or eyes. I don`t usually consider that kind of thing. I will admit that my fashion sense may be a little original. Many people claim that my views on orange are too advanced for our times."

Tsunade guffawed in response. It was unladylike but that had been the funniest thing she`d ever heard in her life.

"You're an idiot." Sakura deadpanned. "You're a fashion eunuch."

"Shut up. The not-amazingly awesome wouldn't understand." Naruto defended. "But I have acceded to your girly demands so leave me alone."

"How can you _possibly _know that it's the right kimono for her?" Sakura demanded, grabbing his collar.

"It's quite easy for me." Naruto replied smugly. "Because, six years ago, she had already tried it on."

Sakura's grip loosened, her arms falling to her sides. "…Eh?"

* * *

At that exact moment, elsewhere in the store, Shizuka was undertaking a now much-less auspicious switching of kimonos within the store changing rooms.

As she untied her Obi and allowed her kimono to come loos around her, she caught something in the corner of her eye.

A blue reflection, like the sky.

For Shizuka wore not one kimono, but two. One that fit her, which she had bought, and one much smaller, from six years ago.

It was with a mixture of horror and love that overcame the woman as she reached out. She shook, as if possessed by thunder and fire. The sky. The sky! The sky was hidden inside a sparse seamstress in the most desolate corner of the world. Because her Master had seen fit to wrap her up in it. "I'm sorry." She gasped. "I-I…"

* * *

Elsewhere, Naruto continued his defence.

"Back then," Naruto lectured, "an older girl ran into me, fell down, and started worrying to death over getting her kimono dirty. It would take too long at a cleaner, and she seemed so incredibly earnest about going about her small errands and going home, so that her 'master' would not be mad at her. It was all really minor, and a really low-hanging objective to shoot for, and pretty silly all things considered. But, like I said, she was really earnest about it. She had enough passion over it to blind anyone, so I figured I'd buy her a replacement." Naruto recounted at length. "So I think you owe me an apology because, as you can see, I have already seen it modeled and gone through the selection process, and considered the match on her, and all the annoying steps to buying clothes that the most girlish girl could ask for." He sniffed, superiorly crossing his arms. "And sky blue is her color, because it matches her heart. In the end, she has always been looking upwards with aspiration. And when I think about it, from the time she was that fresh and naive little girl until now, almost annoyingly, she has undergone nearly zero change." Naruto *tsk*ed.

The people around him regarded Naruto in only silence, including the store clerk. And all were appropriately startled when a loud bang was heard, and a _whoosh_ was the only warning received as a blur slammed Naruto into the far wall, and proceeded to cry into his chest.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Shizuka cried. "I'm too stupid. Let me have the blue one. Please, I want the blue one! I love you. I'm yours forever." Shizuka gasped into the crook of his neck, between all her tears. "I'll do anything for you, and please don't ever leave me!"

"Oh. That's right." Naruto said, closing his eyes and pinching his nose to aid in what he was sure would be an oncoming headache. "Your hearing is really good."

"I _love _you. I'm yours _forever_." Shizuka all but moaned. ""I'll do _anything_ for you, and _please_ don't _ever_ leave me!"

"Shizuka." Naruto sighed. "You learned to read and write through books, by candlelight. You taught _yourself _how to fight on par with a pretty badass level genin ninja. We call that kind of thing, pure and utter genius. You've always been happiest when you thought you were aiming higher, Shizuka, but being an unpaid servant… a slave… it's been below you forever. It's below anyone. And being free… well, it`s a damn good start to reaching the sky. It's great. It's… joyful. That`s… really all I`m trying to do for you."

Shizuka drew back long enough to stare Naruto tearfully in the eyes, still gripping him with all her might. "That's why I **love** you." She declared in a haze of emotion. Whether she declared to Naruto or herself, she wasn't clear. She only had to beg. "And why I'll do **anything **for you, and **please** don't **ever **leave me!"

Naruto pursed his lips at her.

She could not maintain her gaze, and soon found herself back again in the crook of his neck.

Naruto hand-signaled conspiratorially to Sakura. _Primary objective in risk of failure. Backup plan. Communicate ally status to primary target, dissuade merger status. Mission extrication, feasibility, advise?_

Sakura recoiled in horror. Was he talking about a _'just friends' _play?!

That fucker!

_Disadvised. Twin primary packages situated south of head position will be extricated, tortured, and rigged to high-grade explosives by combined ally forces._

Naruto sighed. He gave a cursory nod to acknowledge the creative use of mission-signs, though. Rip out his balls and... something.

He stopped reading at that point. He got the horrible gist of it.

His mother was snapping photographs. Again. Sakura, of course, was devolving into girly tears. Shizune-nee might as well have had visible hearts floating about her. Sasuke seemed to find it all very amusing. And his uncle had made kage-bunshins, then transformed one of them into a ball and chain in order to tie said ball and chain about his neck to demonstrate how screwed Naruto was, while another kage bunshin proceeded to read his last rights as a free man out of a small, hardcover book.

Naruto took a deep breath, looked to the heavens, and then sighed at length through his nose. "F*ck my life."

* * *

A/N: Shizuka route end.

Game Over

You Lose!

- kind of situation. In other words, they're a couple now.

Monogatari means story. Or something.

The T_sukkomi is basically a straight man. You know, the guy that calls the idiot out for the punch line. The idiot counterpart is the boke. _

A haori is kind of like a jacket for kimonos. A kimono is kind of like a robe.

Most people probably forgot Shizuka's worn that under-kimono for 6 years. Now she can stop doing it. She's going to frame it off-screen, have it sealed into a small charm, and then tie that into a necklace.

It's not entertaining, but from here Naruto proceeds to pay for the blue kimono at full price out of stubbornness, returns the white one, and picks out an orange frog-and-slug-covered kimono for Shizuka before they go, to everyone's collective horror.

Props to my BETA for suggesting I get out of the house for some writing. Boo to him for telling me my writing was bland.

Even if it's true, don't say it! Don't say it without softening the blow a lot, please! An enormous softening, if possible!

In my defense, sometimes I just need to put something out with undertones that other people don't get, because I'm too much of a noob to draw those things out. I still have room to grow. I get that, BETA. But there was a point, I swear.

Please review.

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_Meaningless chatter_: (2012-12-21)(Unrelated to story):

Congratulations everyone. We're all still alive. I did not mostly believe the world would end, or fall to catastrophe, nor did I ever, because it was extremely ludicrous for me to believe that the Mayans would bother recording a doomsday so far into the future. Human nature is simply not that patient or well-wishing. But I did slightly believe it, and in my household we did prepare for it. Our family got a generator and an electric heater, two weeks' worth of canned foods, and an ass-load of water.

So congratulations. The earth was not collided into by an alien planet. A comet did not crash into us. We were not invaded. God did not smite us. We did not spin backwards. We were not frozen in darkness. We did not enter a photon belt that debilitated our electronics. We did not fall into a vortex. We did not fall into a black hole or receive other mysterious effects from one. The alignment of Sirius and some other celestial body I can't remember, but which starts with an A, did not kill us. It also did not bring about a sudden spiritual and mental evolution in the people of the world. The sun did not expire. And the sun did not emit solar flares that caused any significant trauma.

If you have a god, please thank your god. If you're agnostic, then please be thankful in general. If you're atheist, then hey! It's Friday. Yay. Weekend.

If you still earnestly believe in the existence of the photon belt proposed by some guy fifty years ago, while referencing NASA pictures that never existed, during a time where photons could not be observed by satellite technology then give it a break, please, mom. Get your head out of your ass. Stop selectively believing things from youtube while brushing my arguments off as lack of spiritual enlightenment on my part. Fuck.

To commemorate this monumental non-event, I have decided to cave in and replace Houou with Senju sometime soon. I will keep the original versions up somewhere, elsewhere, but the entire 'Houou' thing was a plot point that really just died out and is unnecessary since Tsunade's last name was revealed in Shippuden somewhere. I'm clingy to the name for various sentimental reasons, but its okay as long as I archive the old versions. I've decided this.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: I'm alive. The story is... of course always updated only rarely. Also, welcome back to school you suckers.

* * *

Chapter 37

"How can I get stronger?"

This was the unforgiving question that Naruto woke up to one morning.

"What?" He begged.

"Stronger." Sakura repeated. "I came all the way here from Konohagakure, and went through a few unmentionable adventures with your family, because I need to get stronger Naruto-kun."

"You woke me up for something like that?" Naruto asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Sakura frowned. "It's important."

"So is waking me up." Naruto objected. "In fact, I think it's a bit more important actually."

"Come on, Naruto." Sakura scowled. "I'm serious."

"Serious? Yes. You're also in my room." Naruto pointed out. "My booby-trapped ninja-room and I didn't notice you. _I _didn't notice _you._ And also, I have a courtesian equipped with super hearing." Naruto nodded. "How?"

"You overslept." Sakura informed. "Shizuka's already up, and in fact she's sitting in front of your door like a samurai with a sword in their lap."

Naruto nodded slowly.

"So I started playing an old record to distract her." Sakura nodded.

"Her hearing's more super than that, Sakura." Naruto chided.

"It's a love song." Sakura smiled indulgently, tapping her left ear. "Selective hearing. Ahhh, with those lovely confessions yesterday, of course a maiden's heart would be sensitive. There isn't a girl around who can hear past the passionate thumping of her heart when love is on the mind." She sighed dreamily.

Naruto did indeed hear a very cheesy love song in the distance.

"…My traps?"

"I helped you with the subject in the academy? It was your one weak-point. There were many interesting variations – except the chickens sealed into plush dolls, those were just silly – but it's all a logical extrapolation of your basic style." Sakura pointed out. "Well… there was also History. I also helped you with History. As for the last thing… I guess I hid my chakra. I didn't mean to." She apologized. "I was rather sneaking in through your window, so I must have done it on instinct."

Naruto just stared at Sakura in awe.

After a while, Sakura broke the awkward silence by clearing her throat. "Sooo…. Stronger?"

"And then he said that I didn't need to be any stronger." Sakura complained. "Oh. Just a cup of Oolong Tea for me, please." She interrupted herself so that she could place an order with the waitress. It was a simple tea house. The type you could find even in Sunagakure, albeit with less of a menu and way more dehydration. "Oolong Tea for you, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura hazarded.

"Hn." Sasuke replied.

"We'll both have Oolong Tea." Sakura interpreted for the sake of the waitress. "So… Of course I argued with him." Sakura sighed, getting back to the topic of Naruto. "And he said that he'd prove it. He'd prove that I was already too strong. So I was challenged." Sakura began meekly. "I'm supposed to steal your fan."

Sasuke's normally expressionless face encountered an enormous change. His eyebrows rose, until it was practically absurd on his face.

"The fan on your back. It's a patch, right? I'm supposed to, uh, I'm supposed to steal it." Sakura said awkwardly.

"My Uchiwa?!" Sasuke asked in alarm, suddenly wishing he could put his back to the wall. Suddenly wishing, in fact, that the teahouse wasn't so old fashioned as to have picnic table like benches attatched to their tables, and instead had the more modern chairs with, you know, backs.

Sakura nodded slowly. "Um, so…" Sakura rocked slightly in her seat. "Do you think you could do me a favor…"

"No."

"Right. Right. Of course." Sakura agreed quickly. "Just asking."

Sasuke looked at his teammate wearily.

Their tea arrived with a bow from the waitress, and he still did not take his eyes off of his teammate.

"But, ah, Naruto's training is really great. Actually, that's not right." Sakura amended. "His training is founded on hard work, so it's not too special. His teachings… the ideas that go through his head… those are really great." Sakura admitted wholeheartedly. "I used to call him an idiot, but it's more like he's insane. I wonder if it's that insanity is next to genius principle?"

"Feh."

"…Actually, Sasuke-kun… I asked him what you could do to get stronger too." Sakura admitted.

That peaked Sasuke's interest. To be honest, he'd been alarmed at Sakura's sudden non-uselessness, and had followed her in her quest to follow their teammate for this reason.

"You might not like it though. It might be quite a thing to undertake." Sakura admitted.

"I would do anything to get stronger."

"Anything?"

"Anything. I would live miserably, horribly, wretchedly. For power, I could do anything." Sasuke said.

These uncharacteristic words were said with a certainty that was plain and ordinary. It was a certainty attained from repeating a fact aloud every day.

"Really anything, for real?" Sakura insisted.

"Hn."

"You won't get mad?"

"Spit it out!"

"Go out with me."

"…Excuse me?" Sasuke asked, face going wintry in a second. Well, more wintry.

"Go out with me… for untold strength and technique." Sakura repeated. "That's what Naruto said you should do."

"You think I'll fall for that kind of story? Is this a power of love thing?"

"Yes." Sakura admitted quietly. "Because, and Naruto really did say this: 'people buy into that kind of crap'."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"They think that it's normal." Sakura explained. "Joining a team, getting into a life-threatening situation. Then, due to the suspension bridge effect, falling in love – or at least into a relationship. 'Sounds so painfully normal I could puke'. That's Naruto's idea. "

"Why would being normal –"

"Because normally speaking, Naruto naturally expected you to be stronger." Sakura pressed. "What Sensei said to me was: 'Sakura, you're so strong it's scary. For Sasuke, he's so weak it's scary. What a guy. Last of a beloved clan, talented young dude, and still so weak it's a pity. He has a teacher that can be equalled by only three other entities in the world: Konoha itself. It's just there… waiting… for him to be ready for it. Normally you'd expect him to have teachers lined up to throw their secret techniques at him. But that's just it. He's not normal. He doesn't fit the role. He's too fucking emo to trust with a jutsu."

Sasuke stared at Sakura open-mouthed, his face discernably shocked even to those not versed in stalker-knowledge of his person.

"If you… go out with me…" Sakura said, fighting to keep her glee down, "…you'll seem normal. I guarantee it. Oh Sasuke-kun, I'll work so hard to be a good girlfriend!"

"This is because I made fun of his stalker girl issues." Sasuke said strongly. "That's what this whole thing is about."

"What?"

"He's trying to take me down with him." Sasuke deduced. "That petty bastard. I won't buy it!"

"His ideas really are effective." Sakura frowned. "I never thought I could be anywhere _near _your level, Sasuke-kun. But I seem… I mean, I think I'm getting close."

Or better, she left unsaid.

But in his heart, Sasuke heard it.

"Prove it." Sasuke demanded, raising his fists. "Prove it or I'm walking out of here, finding him, and beating him within an inch of his life!"

In response to this challenge, Sakura only looked unfazed and slolwly raised one arm. "Cheque please." She told the waitress.

"Um. Your bill has been taken care of," the waitress said with a difficult expression, "courtesy of… well…" she gestured to the table behind Sasuke, "…yourself?"

Sasuke rounded on the side behind him. His eyes snapped wide. "You!"

"Hi…" Sakura waved back awkwardly.

"What?!" Sasuke exclaimed. And incredulous, he snapped his vision between the sakura across from his table, and the one who had been seated behind him. "What."

"Did you notice… I didn't drink any of the tea?" The original Sakura he'd been talking to asked, waving her arm through the teacup before her. "I can't."

"Promise you won't get mad?" Sakura – the real Sakura – tentatively asked, producing a remarkable piece of cloth from her sachet.

"My… Uchiwa…" Sasuke muttered, arms falling, fight leaving him.

"Of course Sasuke-kun is really attentive to what's in front of him!" Clone Sakura exclaimed suddenly, trying to cheer her crush up. "Um, you're really precise! It was super hard to make sure my bunshin acted _just _like the real me! That's an Uchiha for you! You have the best eyes!"

"You just… never paid much attention to things you couldn't see…" The real Sakura muttered. "No big deal… I'll watch your back! We're a team!" She pumped her fist.

"I… I…" Sasuke muttered.

No matter what he said, it would hardly matter now. And if he fought her now, and won, it also wouldn't matter.

In one moment, his record of victories when sparring with Sakura were rendered moot.

His Uchiwa, stolen. Unthinkable. Unbearable.

She took the fan right off of his back!

That was called absolute defeat. If he was ground into dust, it couldn't be more absolute. There really was no argument to make.

Slowly, Sasuke sank back into his seat, put his face in his hands, and in the middle of an overwhelming aura of depression, he called for the waitress's attention. With the greatest sadness he'd ever expressed since the death of his clan he spoke: "Bring the cheque."

"Um…" the waitress said uneasily. "It's already been paid…"

"Unpay it." Sasuke demanded, face still in his hands miserably. "So that I can repay it. I won't get treated to dinner by… _my date_."

Both Sakura clasped their hands together happily. "Oh Sasuke-kun! You're such a gentgleman!"

In response to this, Sasuke only sobbed quietly into his hands.

From the roof of a building nearby, feet dangling over the edge, Naruto lowered the binoculars from his eyes. "Hmmm." He muttered. "I used to think that I was an unfortunate example. But I'm starting to get a foreboding feeling about relationships just in general."

"It's so romantic." Shizune sighed from beside him, lowering her own looking glass.

"That's what I'm worried about." Naruto said. What if his nee-chan and kaa-chan _didn't_ have a strange sense of romance after all? What if, all this time, that was _just how it was?_

Naruto shuddered. Just when he thought the world couldn't get more messed up.

"You trained your disciple well." Jiraiya said from Naruto's right.

"I didn't do much. Rather than disciple, she's just a girl that I tutor on the side. The thing was, she already had it up here." Naruto tapped the side of his head. "And here too." He tapped over his heart. "Just… selectively. Like, only when it comes to love and justice. It's really incomprehensible, but it does suit her."

Jiraiya laughed uproariously. "Well! Like I always say, teaching is about understanding your pupils, and leading them to self-discovery! Like how I trained you for instance."

"Ero-Uncle," Naruto deadpanned, "you barely did a damn thing."

"Case in point." Jiraiya nodded sagely.

"You spent most of your time peeping." Naruto reminisced.

"I also had a lot of self-discovery to do." Jiraiya shrugged.

To this, Tsunade punted Jiraiya off of the building and took his place beside her son. "Hey kid. Well, at least it looks like your team will be ready for the chuunin exams without much effort."

"I'm more worried about myself." Naruto answered honestly, also not taking special notice to his uncle ker-splatting onto the floor. "Being aged like this, I could fight if I had to, but I couldn't guarantee the lives of the people I'd face. At this rate, I'm thinking of skipping it."

"Don't do that." A dusty Jiraiya said, bursting onto the roof from the stairwell. "I taught you better than that. You're being targeted. Think. Where do you hide?"

"I know you're trying to get me to say 'in the open'," Naruto acknowledged, "but I hardly think –"

"On top of the world!" Jiraiya threw up his arms. "Upon the highest podium! Upon the most clamorous stage! Because you know what scares S-rank assassins the most?"

"…Discovery?"

"Death." Jiraiya answered. "They spend all their time killing things. Not only that, they spend all their time thinking about it. Planning it. Wondering about better methods for it. Of course, no one feels the weight of morality as much as they do. The more skilled people like that become, the more they naturally become terrified of being on the receiving end of their own trade. Of course, all shinobi kill. Really it might just be a small change in perspective. But by the time you reach S-rank, you have definitely piled up that little difference of fear into an insurmountable mountain. Did you know they walk around in the buddy system? Like little kids on a school trip scared of getting lost. It's true."

"You want me to win the chuunin exams." Naruto surmised. "Not because it would make me harder to kill. But because with a lot of people watching me, it would simply be too scary for a chicken to kill me."

"It would help." Jiraiya acknowledged. "Make the finals, and for a month you'll be under so attention and gossip that no approach could be certain. Win it, and people will be pestering you for half a year."

"Shouldn't these guys get more daring as they get more skilled?" Naruto asked dubiously.

"No. They get more chicken. If they got more daring, they'd have died some time ago." Jiraiya answered factually.

"Sounds stupid." Naruto judged.

"It does." Tsunade said. "But people are stupid. Stupid works. You should know that best. And I… " Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "…Trust Jiraiya." She said slowly. "Just do your best, kid, and leave this assassin stuff to us. You're so young. This is just background noise for your life."

Jiraiya adopted a hurt look. "Is it really that difficult to say that you trust me, Tsunade?"

"It's easy to say." Tsunade admitted. "But impossible to actually mean. Let us qualify:" Tsunade reasoned in a flat tone. "Insomuch as one can be trusted, with substantial exceptions to be made for matters pertaining to, or pertained from, breasts of any form or size–"

"To be fair," Jiraiya interrupted while hodling up a hand, "If you pay attention closely, you will notice that I don't particularly have any uncouth behaviour around itty bitty titties. So really, it's just big breasts you can't trust me with."

"How itty bitty do you mean?" Shizuka asked in interest.

"Shizuka, don't encourage him." Naruto chided.

"That girl Sakura for example." Jiraiya answered after some thought.

Shizuka pursed her lips. "Her titties are pretty itty bitty. If that's your range, then it's too itty for relevance within a broader titty discussion." Shizuka judged.

"Goddamn it Shizuka." Naruto sighed as a heated debate began over breasts.

Ah. Peace.

Was this nonsensical shit what he was fighting for, in the end?

Naruto clicked his thonge thoughtfully as he contemplated the night sky. Everyone else had long since gone inside. But Naruto… Naruto just stood and stared. "You know what I think, Shizuka?"

Shizuka, always behind him, judged a response easily. "You think about ramen, medicine, and strength Master. But mostly ramen. And sometimes my sexy body."

"Please strike the last one from the record." Naruto refuted sourly. "And no, I've been thinking about what they said."

"About winning the chuunin exams?"

"About leaving it to them." Naruto frowned. "You know, I wanted to support Water Country more directly but I ended up relying on the Shonen clan. I wanted to help my family, but they only need me to stay safe and out of the way. What 'strong enough'? What 'save everyone'? If I had been stronger, I could have taken Zabuza in to jail, but I killed him instead. At this rate, aren't I just a wuss?"

Shizuka shook her head and embraced Naruto from behind gently. "Master is the bravest man I know."

"Shizuka," Naruto smiled wryly, "you lived your life hopping from cage to cage. I'm one of the only men you actually know."

"If it bothers you, Master, then I shall freeze it there." Shizuka replied as she rubbed cheeks with her master affectionately. "I won't know any other men. They're all but ghosts to me. You are always the bravest prince in the most dazzling armour."

Naruto stood silent for a while, craning his neck to affix Shizuka, not inches away, with a look.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

And with a befuddled expression, Shizuka could only remain silent.

"I'm weak. Do you believe me?" Naruto asked.

Shizuka shook her head, no.

Naruto sighed. "I stood a sword-length away from true power. I felt a real demon, more scary than even the thing inside my gut, bear down on me with a head-cleaving chunk of metal. I barely won against a sick man, and I couldn't even afford to save him." Naruto frowned. "I'm weak. Do you believe me?" he asked again.

"Never." Shizuka answered. "What's wrong Master? It isn't like you."

"Nothing." Naruto answered quietly. "I just wanted to know what kind of woman I'm falling for."

*peck*

Shiuka wore a look of amazement, reaching up to touch her lips, before she very unexpectedly began to blush.

"Yeah, I don't believe me either." Naruto grinned, breaking free of a stunned courtesan and hopping onto the lip of the roof. He turned to his audience and spread his arms wide. "I am Senju Naruto!" He declared. "On heaven and earth, I am undefeatable! I may be beaten down, or knocked out, but even if I have lost, I will never admit that I lost! If I am dumber, then I will be stronger! If I am weaker, then I will be more awesome! And to be less awesome would be incomprehensible! What do you think! Do you believe me?" Naruto challenged.

Shizuka, still blushing, clasped her hands together happily. "Of course."

"I thought I'd try to mope and worry about things. It seems like the mature thing to do." Naruto admitted.

"Oh no." Shizuka said with a note of concern. "If Master becomes any more manly, what shall I do with myself? There's no way I could keep my desires in check."

Naruto laughed weakly.

Shizuka didn't laugh with him.

Naruto sweatdropped.

"Right." Naruto deadpanned. "Well. Henge."

"Eh?" Shizuka exclaimed. "B-Big Master became Little Master!" she cried.

"Yeah. Kaa-chan has modified my Genesis seal. This is a new subroutine. The fact that my control was so bad I couldn't even do my own henge, shall be to my eternal shame. It's a secret I'll have you take to the grave."

"Ah. B-But! But we just kissed! I got a kiss! There was kissing!" Shizuka protested. "Next is french kissing! And then the sex!"

"I'm underage." Naruto replied. "Do you want to be a pedophile?"

"That was an option?" Shizuka asked in alarm. "All this time I never knew!"

"You must be joking."

"Ah. But! You can't-! Master, no!" She cried.

"Don't even try Shizuka." Narutuo grinned. "Your Master is the definition of undefeatable. I've been worrying about the details, but it doesn't suit me. I'm the type that thinks on his feet when the arrow is half-way to my head already. No sense worrying. I won't be bothered just because I don't understand the enemy's motives. I will amass a power to crush it all. The only concern left in my life," Naruto allowed, "is that my teammates do the same."

Team 7 held a meeting in the living room of the temporary Senju apartment.

"I'll have you recompense me for this bullshit." Sasuke demanded, gesturing at the pinkette clinging to his arm.

"You didn't even mention me being back to the correct age." Naruto complained.

"Hi." Sasuke deadpanned. "Small again, aren't you? You were thiiiis tall when I last saw you. My, how quickly they shrink these days. What do I care! Fix this shit!"

"It's out of my hands." Naruto shrugged. "You think I want to interfere with a magical girl's quest for love? I understand that I do strike quite a gallant figure, but just how brave do you expect me to be? You tried that yourself," Naruto reminded Sasuke, "and where's your Uchiwa at?"

"Fucking son of a bitch!" Sasuke lunged.

And when the expected chase and chortling finally died down, the two boys were left staring at each-other in either self-satisfaction or exhausted resentment.

"Then at the minimum you owe me jutsu." Sasuke objected.

"For what?" Naruto asked scandalously.

"The emotional trauma associated with dating someone with a photo-album dedicated to the back of my head." Sasuke pointed out.

"…Fair enough." Naruto nodded.

"Hey." Sakura interjected flatly. "Don't agree with that!"

"As it happens," Naruto continued on, "I have prepared a peace offering. We are teammates after all."

"Hm…" Sasuke said doubtfully. "If it involves pie, tickets to anywhere, or anything you could have laced with itching powder or laxative, then no thank you."

"No, I mean an actual peace offering."

"You aren't that nice."

"Again, fair enough." Naruto nodded. "Then I will permit you to pay me."

"Exactly. Wait, no." Sasuke paused. "What?"

"At any rate, here." Naruto snapped his fingers.

"Yes Master." Shizuka answered, entering the room with her luggage in tow.

"Who's that?" Sakura asked. "She… doesn't look so good."

"Well she is tied up." Naruto reasoned.

"No, I mean, isn't she a bit pale? And thin?" Sakura pressed.

"She hasn't been eating." Naruto sighed.

"And missing an arm?" Sakura finished.

"It's a long story." Naruto explained.

"So who's this?" Sasuke asked.

"I know that Sakura-chan came all this way to get tutoring from me," Naruto allowed, "but to be honest I will too busy doing mega giga game-breaking ultimate life-threatening hell training." Naruto shrugged. "So I don't have the time."

"Uwaaa." Sakura breathed. "That sounds super pretentious."

"Oh? Want to try it once?" Naruto asked.

"Ah. No, no, I wouldn't dream of it." Sakura denied quickly. "Only one so awesome as Sensei should be permitted."

Her desire to find out what could lay so far beyond Explosives 201 that it required three more adjectives was exactly 0%

"Therefore I thought: 'Hey you know what? Haku isn't doing anything!' She can train you!"

"What?" Sakura asked, aghast.

"What." Sasuke deadpanned.

"What?" the bound Haku inquired.

"You want me to pay you," Sasuke deadpanned, "so that I can get training from a half-starved invalid."

"Rasengan." Naruto announced, in lieu of answering.

Everyone in the rom flinched. Sakura, familiar with the technique, flung herself bodily on the floor.

Sasuke's red Sharingan eyes spun violently.

Naruto stared Sasuke in the eye. But Sasuke's eyes were elsewhere. "You don't really think you need me to teach you jutsu. You think you just need to copy it. You need to pay people to show it to you. But this one… this one needs teaching, doesn't it?"

Sasuke couldn't look away. It was simple. It was volatile. It was the purposed chaos of the entire world in the palm of a man's hand. It was beautiful.

"…Yes." He said thickly.

"It was my father's." Naruto explained, releasing the sphere back into the ether. "My biological father's."

"…You'd… teach me that?" Sasuke asked in surprise.

"Of course not." Naruto replied. "But I'll bet it on a challenge you can't win."

"Try me." Sasuke challenged.

"Defeat Haku." Naruto replied.

Sasuke Hmmm'ed. "Then your tutor fee shall be my ante."

"I'd ask for more, but even I feel bad taking too much money from idiots." Naruto admitted.

"I won't do it." Haku said quietly.

Yes. This was the problem, Naruto knew. She wouldn't do it.

"Haku." Naruto said gently. "You need to get out. You need to eat. I'll even let you try to kill me, ok? Don't you want revenge?"

Haku scoffed, albeit quietly, on reflex. "Nonsense. Zabuza-sama… wouldn't care at all. I'm not depressed. I'm not mourning. This is my normal life now. Purposeless. "

Naruto frowned. "Zabuza was an indiscernible mess of a man, not fit to be called a shinobi. A miserable scoundrel with all the skill in the world, and couldn't think of anything better to do with it than kill for loose change." He incited.

Haku bowed deeply at the waist. Naruto got the distinct impression that had she not been tied up, she would have curtsied.

"I thank you for your kind words." Haku expressed from her heart.

"Indeed." Naruto sighed, realizing his error. "That asshole would have loved such a eulogy. How do I make you angry, Haku? How do I make you feel… anything at all?"

"Your mistake is that you think me depressed. Not so. My world is simply empty. What is there to do?" Haku asked theoretically.

Naruto's mind raced. Finally…

"I won't report it." He threatened.

"…What?" Asked Haku.

"I won't report it." Naruto repeated, gaining momentum. "Zabuza's death. His last words. What an asshole he was. Let's just ignore it. If someone asks me what kind of man he was, I'll just say 'Who is that again?' and soon the world will follow."

"Th-The bounty –"

"I can live without it." Naruto nodded. "And the fame? I don't really care. And then Haku think: no one will know how he died in a torrent of ocean and blood. No one will know he's died at all. People will just sit there, waiting for his next move, or the end of his tale. And you know what? They'll keep waiting. For a while. And then they'll get bored of it, because nothing is happening, and they'll just leave. They'll just assume he's gone soft somewhere and possibly settled down to raise a random number of kids with a random woman, in a town with no name. They'll neither praise him nor curse him. They'll just forget he ever existed."

Naruto had to stop there. He was interrupted.

He had to reach out and snag Haku's wrist. Her fingers were outstretched, needles held firmly, the ropes that had bound her nowhere to be seen, and Naruto stared at the pointed metal directly before his eyeball.

"Haku. You have the same thing to lose that Zabuza always feared to lose." Naruto explained. "His story. His relevance."

"Report it." Haku grit her teeth. "He was your worthy opponent. What of honour?"

"You must be joking." Naruto deadpanned. "He was not my honourable opponent. He was my filthy opponent. And in respect of his memory, I do not revere his grave – I spit on it. I trample on it. I maintain in my heart, my utter loathing for the enemy beneath. If I had it in my bladder, I'd urinate on it, too. And in the end, I ignore it completely, just because I know that it would piss him off the most."

The hand in his grasp shook, and Naruto knew Haku was straining to end him.

Even though Zabuza himself would have considered his words nothing but the highest form of praise.

But the fact that it didn't make sense was what proved Haku was angry.

So Naruto pitched an idea. "Here's the plan Haku. I'm going to write a record of events. I'm going to sign it. I'm going to keep it with me 24/7. If you kill me, I sincerely promise that you'll find it on my corpse. But you don`t stand a chance, and we both know that. Not in any kind of fight." Naruto explained. "Yet you're not a fighter. You're a killer. And in that you have a chance. Every time Sasuke has to pay me, I'll have Shizuka impart on you one piece of information about me. If you get enough, maybe your assassin arts will reach me."

"Master! I'm sorry. I thought I tied those ropes properly." Shizuka apologized frantically.

"I'm sure you did." Naruto replied.

"It will be there." Haku affirmed. "You swear."

"On my family name, I swear it." Naruto promised.

"W…" Haku licked her dry lips. "Wash… your neck." She said, as if tasting the words for the first time.

"And wait?" Naruto asked.

"No." Haku replied more smoothly. "As my Master would say… You'll be dead long before you start to wait."

"Okay." Naruto smiled. "It's settled."

And Naruto turned to leave, but paused, and turned back to his old friend.

"Pst. Sakura-chan."

"Eh? Naruto?"

"I just thought of this, but you should probably join them, shouldn't you?"

"Eh? But you said..."

"No, no. You don't have to learn anything new from me. Indeed, you are strong enough right now. But… In fact, you might want to train with Sasuke and Haku. That way you can keep an eye on them. I mean," Naruto seemed to hesitate, "you've got to do _something_, right?"

"Eh? Huh? What do you mean, Naruto-kun?" Sakura asked, confused.

"Well… don't you think Haku's kind of pretty? I'm super sorry that I didn't think of this before!"

"Eh? Eh?" Sakura asked both more dazed and more panicked.

"The most worrisome thing is, she's strong! Isn't that guy Sasuke mega into chicks that are strong?"

"This is the first I'm hearing of this!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Well…" Naruto trailed off. "I thought it was obvious… no, never mind. If Sakura-chan doesn't think so then it must be my mistake."

"What?!" Sakura asked. "Did he say something to you?"

"No, I couldn't break a promise between men. Er, not that there was any such promise. But if there were such a promise, I surely couldn't break it. So please inquire no more on the subject. Anyways! I'm sure Sakura-chan has nothing to worry about. Well, never mind then! Bye!"

"Ah! Wait!"

But Naruto was gone, and Sakura dared not leave Sasuke and Haku in the room alone together.

She bit her lower lip and stared at the raven-haired girl heatedly.

Naruto whistled jauntily to himself.

"There. Sakura-chan didn't need strength, but still required a love rival to fuel her magical girl jutsu. I got a teacher for Sasuke, so that I could opt out of that myself. And I got a purpose for Haku. I have saved another life from itself." Naruto dusted his hands together. "And to top it off, I forced Sasuke into an illusory love triangle-like situation from hell. Damn, I'm good. Is it okay that I make it look this easy? Aren't my teammates, sans Sasuke, incredibly fortunate to have such a compassionate and helpful guy as an ally?"

"Master. Is it okay… about Haku?" Shizuka asked.

"It's fine. It's fine. When she's looking more lively, I'll just report Zabuza's death myself." Naruto waved off. "Something bold was necessary. A shock to the heart. A defibrillator for the soul. That kind of thing."

"But until then…"

"Telling her my secrets? I don't care. It's up to you to give her secret trivia about my daily life. I'm counting on you." Naruto joked.

"Oh, like that?" Shizuka brightened up, relieved. "If it's trivia like that, then you can leave it to me Master! I know aaaaaaall about your everyday life!"

"No. That's a little worrying." Naruto admitted.

"What next, Master?" Shizuka inquired energetically. "You're on quite a roll!"

"I have seen to my friends and responsibilities. Now I go home." Naruto said wistfully. "I shall get down on my knees. I shall implore earnestly for my kind elder sister to cook my favourite ramen. I shall insult my unreliable perverted uncle. I'll probably get into a brawl at the dinner table with my boisterous mother over something meaningless. And I shall enter my life-threatening training with absolutely no regrets." Naruto smiled wryly. "That is the way of the Toad Clan."

"When it's time I will have three tasks for you, Shizuka. First, I will entrust you with my door. I can't be disturbed. No one is to enter. My room will be as separate as the underworld itself, and nothing living must cross. Second, when my training is over you will authenticate me. If anything walks out of that room, and it isn't me, then you are to slay it with the maximum speed. Then lastly, no matter what happens, you will remember me. Tell me Shizuka. Summarise my life. With the fewest words possible, give an explanation for my hopes and dreams, and all that I am."

Shizuka looked at her Master's wistful and expectant face, and though she did not grasp the scope of what he was preparing for she knew that only one answer would suffice. She licked her lips and said so. "…Undefeatable."

"Good girl!" Naruto cheered. In fact as a reward he pat her head and praised her lavishly.

-0-0-0-=-=-=-=-=-=

"That's what he said." Shizuka explained neutrally to Sasuke and Sakura from where she sat crouched in front of Naruto's door. "He praised me, was affectionate to me, pat my head, and told me what to do for him. That's all I ever wanted, and I knew it. Only later it occurred to me that I knew that Master knew that too. And now I`m somewhat thinking…" Shizuka said slowly, "…that he was making peace with me. That was twelve hours ago, and I have never been more afraid for his life."

"I don't care." Said a flustered Sasuke. "I can't take this hell like situation he's put me into. One girl beats me up, and another one keeps fawning over me getting beaten up." Sasuke gestured to Sakura, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head from where she stood beside him. "And tricking me into going on dates with her! I've had enough! He's got to do something about this!"

"You will be quiet. No distractions." Shizuka explained. "None at all."

"Like hell I will."

*Ka-chink*

The sound of an unsheathed ninja-to silenced any further complaints.

With deliberate slowness, Shizuka leaned forwards and raked a line into the hardwood floor.

"What's this?" Sasuke asked.

"This is the Sanzu River." Shizuka explained factually. "No need for a ferry. No toll required at all. Just one step and you can cross it. Then you'll be a tourist on vacation in the underworld."

Sakura shuddered. "Sasuke-kun… come on." She tugged at her boyfriend's sleeve. "Let's leave it. You can talk to him later."

Sasuke grit his teeth. "If I'm going to get bossed around by any more women, then I might as well take my chances!"

"Sasuke-kun, no!" Sakura exclaimed, grasping him by the waist. "Then, trade my bossing you for hers. I won't try to force you into any more dates. You win and I'll always lose. But you can't go there. That's the Sanzu River." Sakura whispered, considering the door that looked so plain but now felt so otherworldly. "And only the dead go there."

* * *

A/N: To be honest, I'm pulling some things out of left field. Basically, it's my limation as an author and I admit it. Well, this story is old. I was much less skilled in my youth.


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